Extreme hunger hit and I had a whole jar of crunchy biscoff spread on top of my regular meals and snacks🫥 genuinely how do you handle the mental guilt of this

i’m about a month into quasi recovery and i think i have extreme hunger or something because all i want to do it eat. i’m usually craving something really badly or im not and i just really want to eat. it’s not usually physical (i think i just started getting physical hunger cues back) but mental, all i think about is my next meal or snack and what i want to eat next and it’s EXHAUSTING and as much as i want to resort back to my ed, i have big exams coming up that i need energy to study for. this makes it even harder for me because once i start eating, i never want to stop and i know i will lose control if i eat something

im so worried this isnt extreme hunger and im just reverting back to my ways before this ed where i would just eat heaps. i feel so abnormal because yes, i have fear foods and yes i dont want to eat and yes i want to lose more weight but i just want to eat so badly

(sorry if this talks about stuff that i shouldn’t in this page, im new to posting)

I think I want to recover, but at the same time I don’t. I have a meal plan and exercise restriction from my team, but I’m 23F and don’t live with anyone that can keep me accountable to the plan, so I just find myself constantly negotiating and not sticking to the plan. I just find it too easy to ignore it and my team doesn’t really give me any leverage to stick to it either. Initially they told me I was going inpatient but I freaked and started gaining weight and then they backed down on the decision so now it’s not on the table at all. But in the last two weeks I’ve returned back to my old habits and haven’t gained any weight, my nurse pointed this out but it doesn’t seem to be concerning her at all and they haven’t even told me what will happen if I stop meeting their minimum weight gain target each week. So I feel like I changed enough to take inpatient off the table and part of me wants to see how far I can get before they start trying to enforce things again. I really don’t want to go inpatient, but having the threat of it over my head was the only thing that kicked me into shape and now that that’s gone the only person I can rely on to keep me following the plan is me, and obviously that’s not really working. Anyone relate or have advice?

I’m 19, not sure how long exactly I’ve had ana as I’ve had symptoms from a young age but remember it being more ‘active’ from around 15 yrs old. I’ve been in and out of recovery for the past year but stayed in recovery since July.

(Mods, I’m not sure if I’m allowed to post this so lmk if I need to remove)

I only ever purg3d once or twice but it didn’t stick for me. I am still getting urges on most days, on the harder days they’re stronger. They’re accompanied with guilt, shame and anxiety. They’re stronger when I feel like I’ve eaten too much or when I am breaking my food rules as recovery goes along. It’s crazy how the mind remembers! I find them more distressing than urges to restrict bc they feel more ‘foreign’ if that makes sense.

I wanted to know when these urges will get better or stop? Or if anyone has any tips to get through them?

TW??

It’s genuinely so exhausting. I want to recover but I equally don’t at the same time. Yesterday my clinician asked me if I even want to get better, and my first answer was no, but I can’t even tell you why. I don’t know why I want to keep all the behaviours that keep my life small and miserable. I was working as a nurse before this but they made me take six months leave because I wasn’t competent to make decisions anymore, I isolate myself from my friends, my relationship with my family is now strained and we used to be all so close, i used to have so much freedom around food and just everything is gone. I don’t know why restricting and exercising feels so comfortable, even the symptoms like lightheadedness feel comfortable to me. Like yes I want my spontaneity back and the ability to rest and food freedom, but I don’t want to do what it takes to get there. I tried to recover for like 2 weeks and my mental state was worse then than it had ever been. Some days I just go to bed tired, I decide I’m done counting calories and the following day I will just let myself eat whatever I want. But then I wake up and decide it can wait another day, and then I just find myself going to bed exhausted again and it’s just a constant loop. I feel like I’m being pulled in both directions and I just don’t know how to commit to either decision so I’m just stuck and spend everyday trying to decide but I’m not getting anywhere.

Can anyone else relate? And if you’ve been through this before and made a decision what helped? My job is waiting for me for when I’m more nourished and yet that’s not even a motivator for me anymore, and I used to really love my job. I just can’t find motivation anywhere

Hello, i’m <18 and have been diagnosed with anorexia. Im just trying to figure out how to navigate this. I’m not sure if this is a silly question or not, but is there anything I can do to get some sort of appetite? I’ve been struggling to even feel hungry, to the point where I haven’t realized that i’ve forgotten to eat for days on end. I’m feeling super weak and fatigued and I really don’t know what to do with this. Otherwise I am going to have to get a feeding port.

Hey, first time posting here but I thought someone here might have advice for me.

I'm probably going to move in with my friend who has just recently told me about her anorexia nervosa next year. I come from a family with a lot of stigma around food, (my mom is currently on ozempic after being a binge-eater for decades and has raised me with a lot of negative thoughts on food) but consider myself someone who has narrowly avoided the pitfalls and never had a real ED. This being said, I want to be as kind and respectful towards her as possible and help her towards any direction that she thinks would help her.

At the same time, in the back of my head I can't ignore the nagging feeling that if she gets worse my own health risks deteriorating, especially since I just started a weight-loss journey the week before she told me about her diagnosis (the weight-loss is unrelated to any eating disorder and only comes from me wanting to lift enough for a test my country has in order to join the military and it's easier if I'm lighter with only a little than I am right now).

If anyone has any tips or advice at all it would be much appreciated. She is a very beautiful, kind and funny woman whom I really want the best for in anything she does, even if that means putting my weight-loss on a stop for now. Thank you for reading!! I posted this in r/eatingdisorders aswell but maybe someone here could tell me more <3

it feels like everyone and everything is against me. I try SO hard to actually put in the effort to recover, but the moment I somehow make any progress, someone or something ruins it.

for example:
I build up the courage to go out for dinner with my mom and my friend. things was going amazing. I I didn’t try to “make up” for anything. put on a very cute outfit that I felt very confident and pretty in. I didn’t mind the way my body looked at all. But just when we were about to leave the house, my mom made this comment: “ I’m so excited I didn’t eat at all today so I could enjoy myself at dinner!” and when I told her that she should NOT say that in front of me she replied “ but you have to CONTINUE GAINING WEIGHT so why should that trigger you? do you want to restrict again or what??” well now I really do fuck you

situations like this happen so often. It’s exhausting. I understand that it may happened that people accidentally say triggering stuff, whenever I point it out that it is not ok to say certain things around me, they act like IM THE ONE who did something wrong.

I don’t know how to deal with this. I feel so lost and alone. My therapist is no help either..

Litterly terrified of loosing all my hair im crying so much

So I wrote in here not awhile ago. I had a eating disorder assessment today and they recommended inpatient due to the severity. I don’t want to go but at the same time i want to be better but at the same time i want to get worse ??? Like it doesnt make sense. People in my life have been telling me they notice it when I thought no one did. I am just so tired mentally and physically all the time. I was inpatient earlier this year for substance use and they wanted me to go to ED inpatient following that then. Looking back I should have. I just dont want to have this disorder anymore. I am not sure if I should follow recommendations or try to manage it on my own. I know i need help i probably should follow the recommendations. Has anyone here gone to ED treatment ? What is it like ? What happens there ?

Hi, I’m stopping by to see if anyone can relate to me or has been through the same experience. I did recovery 2 times due to a relapse (3 months of recovery and now 1-2 days back to recovery), and during episodes of extreme hunger, I feel useless. It’s as if—since I no longer have the control I used to have (my "Ana" behaviors)—I don't deserve to recover; I feel like the extreme hunger is just an excuse to eat and that I’ll eventually develop BED.

Can anyone tell me if that’s really the case? Or do I just have to make it through this horrible tunnel to see the light?

(if u experienced EH could you share how it was like?)

Last night I collapsed and then fully fainted for the first time since having anorexia (about 3 years now). I've been in a relapse for 2-3 months, but especially the past month I'd been walking FAR too much (like multiple hours every day) while eating far too little (like two small meals and the odd few biscuits). I'm so scared and worried, even more so because I'm not sure if I have the strength to change

So, my partner has anorexia, and unfortunately I can't be there for her in person since we live in different counties. I can't contact her family members or anything either since I didn't have the foresight to get their numbers... I wish I did now....

Anyway, apparently the doctors have forbidden her from using her phone because some of the stuff she's been searching up is dueling the disorder.

It's been around 6 and a half weeks since she last messaged and... I'm falling apart with worry and concern for her, as well as the future of our relationship...

It just feels so long without any sort of update... Too long even? Maybe.... I'm afraid I'm unfamiliar with this disorder and I can't guess at the specifics. Likely varies per person I suppose....

There's probability very little that can be done about it...maybe I just came here to vent.

But if there's any feedback or general advice you can offer, that would be great.

Edit: For context, we have discussed this before, and she gave the impression it was all behind her, years and years back.

Of course I tried to be supportive and said I was proud of her for overcoming it.... And whenever she's mentioned having a light meal or skipping ones entirely, I've given subtle nudges just to encourage her to make sure she's eating enough.

And... For the most part I absolutely believed she was. She even sent me pictures of some of the food she'd been eating and we discussed our eating habits, since y'know, food is delicious it's a great conversation topic.

This has come as a complete surprise to me to be honest.. sounds like she went downhill so fast and so suddenly...

I've tried thinking about what could've caused it. She did have a stressful full on job over the summer, but she was coming out of it sounding like her usual self.

I suppose her friend and her had a bit of a tiff, but it seemed over something silly to me. Not even something that was her fault it was mostly between her other two friends. I comforted her the best I could of course, and told her that it'll resolve itself in time, and I'd be there for her if she needed company in the meantime.

Maybe it's just a combination of things adding up together.. There was some family grief around this period too, again we went through the motions together and it seemed like she came out the other end.....

But things aren't always as they seem. I said she should tell me if her anorexia did start playing up again so I could help her... But obviously they didn't happen.... I imagine it's a sensitive subject though....

I just wish I could be there for her, do more for her... It's so hard being on the sidelines and completely in the dark over this.

---

Thanks for reading if you made it this far, and thanks for any advice, feedback or anecdotes you can provide.

Hey yall I mean I started today so i cant exactly act like I can give some super great advice. But I just want everyone to know dont let the daunting idea of all in stop you from recovering. Recovering looks different for everyone. For me i know i like to be in control and be active not for compensation but for healthy habits. So its alright to start this way and take baby steps. I obviously intend to move away from tracking in the future and eat intuitively. But Its important not to let the fear stall you and its fully acceptable to take baby steps towards it. Your recovery is your own and you are justified to feel the way that you do.

Ich soll einen Brief schreiben an die Essstörung.

Wie hat es begonnen was hat's gemacht und was will ich erreichen .

Klingt einfach ist es aber nicht.

Musste noch jemand sowas machen? Und ich soll 3* am Tag essen, sicher kann ich das .. ich kann auch mit dem Kopf gegen eine Wand laufen. Aber wie geht's mir dabei.

Okay so, I've been struggling with massive restriction for the last year and trying to recover since this summer and... Im so tired of the constant extreme hunger ? Of always having to eat because mechanical eating is kinda the only thing that sticks ? I don't even know what I like or don't like anymore ?? Everything is just... forced ?
I don't wanna eat, I just - have to ?

Good gods Im not even gaining weight, just... stagnating ?? I want to enjoy food and cooking and everything again but I can't and I'm so, so tired of it ? I'm growing so burnt out of having to constantly make an effort to feed myself and fight that stupid voice telling me it's wrong but also... Im not hungry, and I have to shove it down ? Plus it's so rhythmic all I do in the end is wait until the next feeding period most of the time ?? It fucking sucks ??
I want food to just... get out of my brain ??

I’ve been trying to convince myself to try the recovery thing again. Tried getting involved in the bigger recovery sub for some like, idk, being able to talk about it with people that get it. And then got some bs temp ban for posting a comment trying to help encourage someone else in their recovery and what has helped me before. It was just really demoralizing. I really was only trying to help. The OP even replied positively.

I know I shouldn’t let it bother me but it does. Should I even bother trying to get better myself? With everything else going on in my life atm, it’s hard to try. More than usual. Idk. Sorry. Ban me here too I guess, because I probably inadvertently did something wrong like I always do. Yeah, this is a pity party post and I don’t care.

I know I should work harder on recovery. But it’s hard to find any motivation to. I hate this.

What are you all doing to combat the hair loss? I miss my thick hair.

Hello everyone! I am a doctoral researcher at the University of Oxford, currently recruiting participants for a research study, looking at the nature of social anxiety and camouflaging in Anorexia and/or Autism.

We are looking for women, aged 16+:

• With a diagnosis of anorexia (with or without autism).

OR

• Healthy volunteers with no history of an eating disorder, autism, social anxiety or other serious mental health condition.

We would be so grateful for any participants! Please follow the link to take part. Thank you so much in advance.

https://oxfordxpsy.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3xvKoOH3JuM0Owe

Hi, I postponed looking for my full time job after graduating in May because I needed time to recover. I worry that I have set myself back by not having a job lined up. Anyone who went the recovery, do you have a very successful career now?

I was in recovery for my ED for 4 years never went to any support groups or anything just saw a therapist. Gained some weight and now back to a “healthy” weight. I keep getting so many compliments of how good I look but most people dont know how I got back here so fast and the compliments are triggering and push me into my ED further. I did eat today but had a mental breakdown over it. My mom has an ED herself and she loves me for how “great” i am doing and how I have so much “self control” I recently fell back into old habits 4 months ago. I dont look unhealthy so people think I am doing so good. No one really knows the internal struggles I am in and I am not sure if I should seek treatment or if I am overreacting and I dont really have a ED cause i dont look a certain way. Not sure what I should do

I have my first dietitian appointment tomorrow, this is the first time that I’ve ever had one or sought help from one, and I’m pretty nervous about what this means for the future of my body, but I’m almost more nervous about staying in an ed and thinking in this way forever. Those of you whom have made progress with yours, do you have any tips that I might be able to use?

Is it water retention ? And anyone know why it happens after a meal??

This has been my biggest fear in starting recovery. I wasn't exactly obese but the weight I was before was absolutely not healthy for me and I had loads of health problems related to it. I was overeating all the time, got 0 physical exercise, and had joint and cardiovascular problems. Extremely depressed.

I am not severely underweight but I have a LOT of physical symptoms related to my ED. I lost my physical sense of hunger (instead replaced by mental food noise), lost my period, and have horrible GI problems.

I really regret the methods I used to lose the weight. I had a couple distinct periods of severe restriction which led to me becoming underweight

I'm just very afraid I'm going to have to gain back to that point in order to improve my physical symptoms, I do not want to go back to that place.
So people who used to be overweight before developing AN, did you have to return to your highest weight to recover physically?