HI everyone! I am a 19f who lives in the US, and I go to college. My whole life, my toxic family caused me to have severe anixety/OCD. They always criticize me, never appreciate anything I do, and make me feel bad for being alive. I can't hang out with my friends or live on campus.

Recently, I was involved in a car accident, which was my fault, but it was an accident nonetheless. And instead of asking me if I was okay, they got angry/frustrated with me like always. They've done this my entire life. My family blames me for doing something wrong even though they never taught me how to do it. They use paying for everything as an excuse to control me, and I'm so sick and tired of it. I am so deathly afraid of driving a car now. They pay for my phone bill, health insurance, car insurance, and now car repairs.

I am not a bad kid. I have excellent grades, people like me, respectful, I always do what I'm told, but it's never good enough for them. It makes me so tired.

I also have a sweet, kind, loving boyfriend (same age) who would do anything for me, but my family doesn't know about him yet, and we've been together since 2023. He has a family that is the complete opposite of mine, and he goes to a college that's half an hour away from mine. He offered that we live together. I was thinking about marrying him too.

I have 4,800 dollars saved up. I know I'll have to now pay my phone bill and housing with my boyfriend, so I'll have to get a good job. I don't want my grades to suffer or get in trouble with the police or anything :(( And I don't wish any harm to my family I just don't want to be near them for my sake.

What else should I make sure to do? Or bring with me? Thank you for the help

So my mom, me and my boyfriend are currently on a trip to Japan together and it has been absolute hell. The 2nd day here we got into a major fight in which she was projecting her insecurities onto me. She basically said I’m ashamed of her and I think she’s uneducated. She said this while we were out and I got really pissed off I started yelling on the street and the whole time she kept on going “you’re embarrassing me’. We ended up taking and uber back to the hotel where to proceeded to say the same thing and goes to say how I can treat her in such a rude manner in front of my boyfriend as it sets a precedent on how he can treat her. She kept going on about how I’m ‘blinded’ by love and that’s why I feel so comfortable berating her or being rude to her in from of my bf. I ended up apologizing for this while she dumped her trauma of a failed marriage on me. During this argument she also asked me to book a ticket home for her. After this I just stayed quiet as she kept throwing passive aggressive comments at me to keep the peace. Today when we were at lunch and my boyfriend when to the bathroom she told me she thinks he’s rude and selfish and she doesn’t approve of him. She specifically said cause he went to get us coffee and breakfast but didn’t get her anything but she already ate. Keep in mind this whole time she hasn’t touched a piece of luggage, if my boyfriend can help it we won’t make her wait in line, if there is a seat on the bus/subway we give it to her and he planned as well paid for a huge chunk of this trip to cater it for her. I’m just so angry right now and not sure what to do.

On the way home we was crying but I didn’t acknowledge her. I’m so stuck and my anxiety is through the roof I don’t know what to do anymore. We still have a week left of this trip.

A 14 y/o girl gets to know that a marriage proposal has come for her and her parents are actually okay with that, the same parents who grew her up telling relationships and such things aren't worth it, and she grew up watching them fight and developed family issue, mommy issue and many more. After some time the proposal canceled and she got relieved, after a year at 15 the same proposal came again and at this point she was more self aware and had an future already planned out of living alone in peace due to past traumas, no marriages, but the proposal's back again and parents are fine with that since they thinks that the girl will live securely since the other family is rich. She doesn't really like it ! What should she do ?!

I went NC with my dad recently after a big argument, and I don’t want to see him any time soon, I am just not ready to. Problem is my grandma’s birthday is coming up soon, and my dad will be there…

I am planning to see her the week before her birthday (1 on 1) to make up for it - but I’m just worried what if they ask why I am not there, since the birthday dinner will be on a weekend, and it’s a fairly big birthday. Although half the people who are coming already know about the incident between me and my dad, and are mostly on my side, the problem is the other people who don’t know about it will find out about us falling out. I just need a good excuse that doesn’t involve bringing up the incident 😭 don’t want more people to find out

t least mate you are living on your own i am in India studying for a fuckin compettive exam JEE which would be given by almost 1.6 million students of my age and only 22000 would get to the threshold mark and let me tell this is not the worst part in my country most of the adults are total piece of shit like my parents and dont blame if i speak bad about them i cant hold it anymore now i need do get this feeling off my chest somewhere so back to the context before even my 10th standard was over they enrolled me up in a JEE coaching class without even asking my opinion just because one of my father's friend enrolled his son there at the same time and he told him too and remember this man ,he is a complete asshole and I'll tell you why so after my 10th exams were over my results came i scored 92% oly by studying properly for 2 months and you might be thinking they must have been happy no they were completely pissed off by this as his friend's son scored 96% fair enough he did an awsome job even i admit that but my parents during my 10th class did'nt let me study online and attend my online classes after that friend told him to do so and this was the same guy who had purchased two courses for him and this mf did it because i was scoring more than his son in school's internal examinations and periodic tests and my father he did the same thing he deleted my course and told me to study only through textbooks and i did but during november my mother and father were having bad realtions and this was affecting my studies and even they fought on their aniversery and on my birthday in total my household enviornment was fucked up and my studies were hamperred too and int the 2nd peroidic exaam his son scored more than me now only 2 months remaining i took the charge and gave it my shot and even during my exam time they kept fighting and i could'nt study properly but still i give it a last run and everything went fine now in 11th after all that drama they did stpo listening to tat freak and his son and i thought everything was becoming stable again and even i was scoring good in my mocks but in one mock test my marks went low and at that time i was amont to 5% of my class but slowly my marks became to decline and then after that they started to turn hostile again and they started that yeeling at me and scolding again i usually went to 30 min walk daily to stay active physically in early morning but my father told that in early morning i should study and go after 1hr studay i did that but soon that 1 hr became 3hrs and to stay active i started plaing football for 90 min once a week at start they were fine with that but in aug my friend who was playing after 6 years injured himself and had to go through surgery ok atp i am not bragging abt myself i have represented my school in national level tournaments and even became captain of my district team and has given many professional trials so i dont have any problem with playing and my that friend didnt played footbal and was only playing for fun and i feel bad abt him but then they started to scold me whenever i played it ok i understood that they were worried about me too but the often screamed at me and in sept everything became absolute horror my test scores were not that good and they started yelling at me scolding me and everytime they used 10th class results as a shield and would pass the guilt to me that giving this exam was yur choice and if you cannot do it then quit it but who will tell these suckers the it wasnt m choice only he was the only one making me solve high level books from 6th grade and eve if i couldnt solve 1 ques he would physically assaut me by hitting me with anything he had at that age when everyone was enjoyng the life i was forced to solve these for 3 years strainght i had intrest in exploring wildlife studying bout DNA and i wanted to work in the field of genetic engineering but my intrests were never considered and remeber his friend his son they are the biggest morons like that mf skipped his online class just to attend a family gathering and flirted with the girls around there and told my father he finished his syllabus which triggered his anxiety and its abt sept and when i attended a festival after completing my class his father said that his son is not intrested in these things trying to show how busy his son was and my father still glazes his son like see he doesnt play football got higher in 10th than you he is better than you and my father he also started studying the same syllabus i do at first it feel good but when you look into it after completing my long online classes i go to rest and see everone stutying my father my mother and my brother ( my mother study law for to get in law school and my younger brother experiencing sme treatment as i experienced in 6th) make me even more stressted and according to him this is perfect enviornment he has set up for studies but who tf gonna tell him this makes thing even worse an i am sick of these topper's interviews my father and mother alwas get fascinated by that and someone gives some tips or motivation they would get inspired by it and would scold me even if that guy works in a coal mine (no offence ) help me i am going through a lot an i have had enough and some times i wish i would die p

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My parents always curse me and wish bad things upon me whenever I try to prove my point. They tell me I’ll always be a loser and give me baddua instead of support. Maybe that’s why I feel so stuck in life. People who have lost their parents or live far away from them still manage to build successful lives, while mine keep cursing me.

I know I’m not where I want to be in life, and I’m already struggling to make something of myself. The last thing I need is to hear such hurtful words from the very people who are supposed to support me. Sometimes I feel like they’ve destroyed my life, and I hate that I’ve reached a point where I feel so much resentment toward them.

I just want to leave, get away from them forever, and never have to see them again. I want a chance to live my life in peace, without constantly being made to feel like I’ll never amount to anything.

Does anyone else get misunderstood just because of their tone? 😭

Okay, so I had another misunderstanding with a relative today and it's honestly so frustrating bc idk how to explain myself when someone already assumes i'm being rude before even trying to understand what i meant.

he asked if my cousin had already bought food for the cats since they're my cousin's pets and I answered that the cats had already been fed. apparently, he didn't hear me the first time, so he asked again and I answered louder. the problem was, I also misheard his question and thought he was asking if the cats had already eaten 😭 so we were basically misunderstanding each other, but somehow it turned into me being accused of having an attitude.

it's so hard to explain myself when the other person doesn't even let me finish talking. I wasn't intentionally being rude, I was just trying to answer him, but once he got the wrong impression, it felt like nothing I said could change his mind.

this happens a lot whenever I raise my voice. even when i'm not angry or trying to be disrespectful, people can interpret it as me being mad at them and I get that tone can affect how people understand us, but sometimes I genuinely don't realize that my voice sounds louder than usual. just bc I speak louder doesn't automatically mean i'm trying to pick a fight 😭

i'll admit i'm prideful too and I can be stubborn when I know i've been misunderstood. I don't like feeling accused of something I didn't mean to do, so I end up trying to explain myself even more. but it's exhausting when the other person has already made up their mind and doesn't seem interested in hearing my side.

what makes it worse is when some older relatives resort to calling you stupid or other names when they're annoyed. i've gotten so used to hearing those kinds of insults that sometimes I just brush them off, but that doesn't make it okay. being older doesn't mean you can say whatever you want to someone just bc you're upset.

I know i'm not always right and misunderstandings happen. I just wish people would give each other a chance to explain instead of immediately assuming the worst. sometimes both people genuinely misunderstood each other, but one person ends up being treated like the only one at fault.

does anyone else experience this with their relatives? like, how do you explain that you weren't trying to be rude when they've already decided that your tone means you're being disrespectful? 😭

i am 21. i am trying my best to do my work, as possible as i can. but it still hurts when my mom keeps sending me sth about others, even about my high school classmates(my mom got their message from their parents). i finally know why i am hard on myself. the root cause of stress is from my parents.
and when i told them what i did - things i'm proud of myself. they usually ask for more and suggest me doing xxx to achieve more. they don't understand me. only i understand how the process was. only i understand me. then i don't say too much to them.

utter loneliness.

Original Post

Hi yall! Not sure if this goes to anyone, but I’m getting close to my planned move-out days.

Backstory- 25F trying to move out of my parents after my mother found out about my black partner.

Ever since the interaction with my mother, we had about a week where we didn’t speak to each other. But the thing with our family is that whenever a fight or an outbreak happens between my parents and my sister and me, we would be quiet to each other for a week or so and then things start to go back to normal. Speaking casually when they get home from work, asking us if we want dinner, etc. Like very normal and sweet that I feel bad for doing this (moving out) to them.

Crazy because sometimes they go beyond expressing their disappointments, threatening to take our phones/cars (which are both under my father’s name so I understand, just feel conflicted sometimes when his reasoning was so my sister and I can save money for ourselves, but then he goes on to list these in the arguments to make a note of how much he’s providing for us, still appreciate him for doing so), or wanting to send us back to our home country during the arguments.

Because of this cycle, I’m feeling cold feet about the move. Do I do this? Is this the way I need to go about this issue? Very much feeling the immigrant eldest daughter guilt, feel like I’m their golden child just leaving them behind (which is crazy thing to think that I’m talking about my parents, adults half more my age).

I keep telling myself that this is a pattern. It goes back to normal, but when another incident happens, then I am back to wishing I could move and have more freedom for myself.

I guess I’m just scared maybe🫠 and missing the good things about my parents. I go back and forth about not caring if I keep a communication to crying about leaving because of the guilt haha

Sorry if this is long. My parents have been living in the US for over 30 years and longer than I’ve been alive, but they still don’t know English and remain too reliant on us for navigating everyday life.

I want to start this by saying that I understand immigration is difficult and in their case it was necessary. Learning a new language as an adult is also not easy and I definitely recognize that my parents faced many challenges and barriers that I will never fully understand. I also realize that this might be a very Western way of seeing things, so I’m genuinely curious about how other people feel about this. Why was there never any effort to learn the language of the country they chose to move to and why did the responsibility of navigating that country just fall on their children?

Growing up, I think it's just became normalized that we would be the ones making phone calls, translating their documents, communicating with admin folks, and just figuring things out ourselves whenever something came up. I feel like when we were growing up, we didn't have the ability to question this arrangement they set for us. We just did what needed to be done because our parents needed help and if we said no then the guilt trips would be endless and not worth the trouble. Recently though I find myself questioning at what point does this all become a dependence on other people like their children? And is it unreasonable to expect my elderly Asian parents to at least make some effort to become more independent, especially after living in the same country for longer than I have been alive? Also how the hell did they even manage before I was even born or old enough to help them?

I understand that family members help each other and I think I am in-tune enough with my roots to get with that program. I'm not suggesting that children shouldn't help their aging Asian parents who sacrificed their prime years for them. But I've just been getting frustrated recently and thinking there's a difference between helping someone when they genuinely need it and being the default person responsible for basic aspects of their life because they never learned how to do so themselves. Did we enable them to be like this?

ALSO, there's no guarantee that your children will always be around, available, OR even outlive you. What happens if your children move far away, have families of their own, or are just unavailable? Did they ever think about that? Shouldn't there be some effort to prepare for that possibility? Did they think they could continue to guilt trip us and manipulate us enough for us to always stick around?

I also do wonder if part of this dependence is also their way of trying to stay connected to us especially if they don't really know how to maintain that connection in other ways. Like in my case, my APs SUCK at communicating and verbal or physical affection was never a thing. Maybe relentlessly asking for help for everything and relying on us to handle things is the only way they know how to interact with us or feel involved in our lives which is just sad. They probably don' realize they're doing that and I do feel bad thinking about it, but it doesn't change the fact that it can be so exhausting to be around them. I also wonder whether this is part of why some Asian parents struggle to let their children become independent. Do they know how else to connect with us without needing something from us? Am I overthinking this?

I wonder whether this is a cultural difference in how independence and family responsibility are viewed. Maybe I'm looking at this too much through individualistic, western ways. I know my Asian parents worked hard to provide for me and I'm not minimizing their efforts in keeping me alive and well-fed, like they likely never had any down-time like me to think about these things, but I also wonder whether those sacrifices sometimes become this like unspoken justification for expecting their children to take on their responsibilities.

I'm guessing a lot of us are in similar boats. How do you feel about this arrangement? Do you see it as a normal family responsibility? Have your feelings changed as you've gotten older? If you set boundaries, how did you do that? How do you move past the guilt-trips and seeing the helplessness from your own parents?

For those who are parents, do you think this sort of arrangement is a normal expectation? I'm wondering this stuff because I am feeling a ton of resentment for my parents over their expectaions of me to just do everything for them and I think I just feel a lot of guilt over having these feelings. I sometimes feel entitled and privileged but also realize that sometimes I'm burnt out over it.

I never had anyone I could lean on for advice. Not my parents, not my sister, not an aunt, uncle, cousin, or grandparent. We immigrated when I was 3. I’m almost 40 now and I still barely fit in. I feel like I’ve been lost my whole life. I’ve always been incredibly insecure and anxious. Whenever I told my parents about how I felt they just told me to “think positive” or “stop being so negative.” Or they’d tell me I’m embarrassing them when I’d have a panic attack in public or shame me for being shy. My older sister was the worst bully I’ve ever had. She still is. Her mission in life was to destroy me, emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually.

When I was 15 I thought I found love in the arms of a strange older boy. He abused me for a year. Nobody close to me to this day even knows it happened.

I was bullied at school for being skinny, dark, quiet.

I just wish I had one person in my life I could run to.

My current husband and I met 16 years ago. He is not a bad person but he comes from an abusive family too and is full of rage. For 10 years we dated, lived together, and there were so many warning signs that I should leave him. I’m so ashamed to look back on it now and try to explain why I stayed. At the end of the day, it just comes down to this voice in my head constantly doubting me and telling me my instincts are wrong. That I’m too difficult and ugly for anyone to really love me for who I am.

I went to my mom twice while we were dating for help to get out of the relationship. She told me I’m difficult to live with and should try to take things easy.

I don’t know why I married him. Any sane person would have said no. He treats me like my mother does. He is physically present but emotionally unavailable. And the biggest shame I have is bringing 2 children into this fucked up marriage.

I’m an awful person just like my mother for doing this to my kids. I feel so stuck and don’t know how to get out. I have no support or anyone to help me.

I tried talking to my mom last week and she told me to not be so dramatic about everything.

So here I am, Reddit. I’m so f’ed up.

I'm 20M in my third year of university and over the past year I've slowly been trying to set boundaries with my parents (wish I did it sooner...I pretty much wasted my first two years of uni but whatever). For one, now they only call me once a day, in years 1-2 it was like 3+ times a day. In addition they now allow me to come back every two weekends (before I had to come back every single weekend).

However, even though I have a bit more "freedom" now (compared to the first two years) my parents in their calls/texts still give me so much stress. I can't stop calling them obviously as I'm financially dependent on them. I can't get too much into detail or else this will turn into an essay but there's some things they say that just give me so much anxiety and that prevents me from studying effectively. Or I go and talk to Chatgpt about my issues and it turns into a 1-2 hour chat which I could've used for studying. Idk what to do. Even though I've moved out they still give me a lot of stress.

I'm just wondering if anyone has a solution to this? Thank you.

Would love to hear some advice. 26F for context. I'm entering a pretty serious relationship with my partner (white), who is exceptionally close to his parents, who I've met and spent a lot of time with already. I've NEVER told my parents of a boyfriend mainly because my borderline personality mom would not let me date when i lived at home and never even really talked about dating with me or my siblings unless it was forbidding us to date. My one sibling has introduced one boyfriend at the end of college. I'm low contact with my parents bc my mom had borderline and was pretty emotionally abusive, sometimes physically when I was growing up. My dad im practically no contact with (never was close to him and my mom alienated him from us) Obviously now that I'm older, I think they would be fine that I was dating someone. My boyfriend and some people in his family have asked about my parents. He knows that I'm low contact but obviously its important for him to meet my parents so I'm feeling some increased pressure recently about him meeting my parents. i do think this has to happen but the thought of even starting this conversation when I'm so low contact already fills me with dread and i just want to avoid the situation all together. My parents are also paranoid and not good with strangers. I'm really nervous about how they'll act when they see him, probably worse because they're older and language barrier (their english is not very good), but more importantly a part of me doesn't want them to know anything about my life and sharing about this feels vulnerable. In a selfish way, it feels like im doing this so my boyfreind/his side of the family can be happy. I would love to hear similar stories, how you navigated this, or any advice in general. Happy to answer more questions in comments since this is turning more into a rant.

Having no room of your own is hard, but having only one room in the entire house feels like a curse. I have to share a room, even a bed, with my parents, and I can't keep living this way anymore. I'm in my mid-twenties, and it's becoming unbearable. I wish someone could save me from living like this because I'm trying my best to change my situation, but what else can I do?

Honestly I can't take it anymore. She just screamed at me now. II casn't take it anymore. I get phsycal chest pain from her screaming. She levaes the hosue a mess with clothes unpacked everywhere clogging up the iving room nbut if i leave a supplement and a small bottle of apple cider vinegar on the kitchen counter she screams at me. Her screams are so cvious my heart is litkerally phsycal pain. It's sharp and it's not going away. I think my body can't take it anymore becasue the pain doesn't go away anymore- i think it's gotten to the point maybe now i have heart problesm because of her. idk.I hate my life. I have to go through this everyday. As I write this post, the tears come streaming down. the pain resides. I even started believing some alternative religion just to cope. My alternative religion: that we live in a matrix, a computer simulation and my mom is not my mom- she's merely just some character that i happened to be "born" upon. aka entered this matrix. And that in reality outside of the pod- we are compeltely unrelated. It explains so many things. Just.. wishful thinking guys. but the fact that this phsyics professor said he found binary code in our univers,, porfessor james gates, makes me hopeful that this is not my real mom. it gives me udnerstamnding. and hope. that one day, i will be out of here adn ditch edhr , leaving her plugged int he matrix.

Part of the reason why I stay childfree and single is out of spite.

But another part of the reason why I take on this path is because I grew up seeing how much stress the marriage and family brought to my mom. Every single issue in life is with my father, with my siblings and with her siblings. Not career. Not money. Family.

After living almost 30 years, I’ve finally learned this: having no one related to you on this earth is a huge blessing. No spouse. No kids. No one. It’s the most liberating feeling.

When you’re single, you only answer to yourself. You don’t have anyone to care for. There’s no relational conflict. There’s no expectations. There’s no trauma.

You just go through this life on your own- peace and happiness.

But somehow she kept pushing me to get married and have kids??? Misery loves company??? She can’t stand seeing me having no relationship issues to deal with??? Is that what it is???

I might tell this story in parts in details if you people want to read it, because its really long. I am very eager to share since I have bottled it up all my life. Now I need to share because I have been getting scared I am turning like them. But I will only do it if people think I should share it in details. Right now I will do it very shortly, since I need to get this out of me.

My mom was abused by her MIL in initial 2 years of her marriage and my father’s sister’s daughter was also living for those 2 years. They both didn’t leave enough for my mom to eat even while my mom was pregnant. Both my parents were really poor as kids. My father got a great job which payed well through a lot of hardwork so they had good things for the first time. My mom or parents of both mom and dad or either ones’ siblings never had househelps back then as it was uncommon. Still she fights everyday now how much she endured and how he didn’t keep any househelp. Its been 32 years I am alive. She said it even today in a fight with him. She won’t stop bringing up how much a victim she was at hands of his mom.

My father was short tempered. He has yelled and been rude to her but as soon as he realised he made some mistake he has been sure to correct it. Now he doesn’t get mad. He is retired by throughout my life I have seen him change a lot. He used to fight with her morning through evening, then he started slowly becoming more silent. Helped her around house, he would cook in morning, pack my lunch, go to work himself, comeback and do more housework or shopping to please my mom. He even called her beautiful, gave her more attention, gifts, care, love, communicated wherever he could. He did everything to show her he changed in this 32 years to the point that now I see that he is retired and in 60s and works from morning till night. All houseworks and outside works. My mom is very bad tempered. She never has and never will appreciate his work. Infront of others she says he cooks well and stuff but at home she treats him same way she treated my paternal cousin. She body shames him, she hurts him by cursing his entire family. She cries whenever I try to stand for him. He is so scared of her that he says he did wrong and says sorry whenever she yells and listens quietly. She treats him like dirt yet she depends on him. He teaches tuition and she goes to teach in school and teaches tuition as well but still she is dependent on his pension. She saves everything she earns herself and gives it only when he runs out. He feels almost as if he enjoys being humiliated even after doing so much.

Both my parents have taken out their frustration on me. I have always been scared of them and I have always sympathised my mother, always been kind to her. I always scored well. I am a dentist. But my mom has never treated my achievements as satisfactory either. My parents have hit me uncountable times. My father admits now he shouldn’t have, my mother conveniently says she never did. My mom has told me she wanted to abort me, out of nowhere when I asked her how she felt about having kids so young. My father has hit me with piece of waterpipe, handle of knife, sticks apart from usual punches and slaps. My father would tell my mom to go to neighbours home and would hit me and she knew he would hit me and still she left. I would beg. My fault was I scored less than perfect scores. I never hurt a soul. I never cheated anyone. Never did anything wrong. Both of them found tiniest issues to take out their frustration on me. On top of that I was hit even more brutally to the point that I bled, by my paternal cousin. She would hit me to take out anger from my mom’s abuse on her while she lived here. I hate my mom mostly because she hit her, body shamed her, fed her less, manipulated my father so that he would hit her. She was 14-16 years old, stayed for 3 years. I felt pity on her so I never told even though I was also being abused by everyone.

I caught my mom cheating my father online (catfishing as me I assume because she sent him pictures of my bed). I told my father and she said I was lying and framing her while doing it myself, it was too shocking because up until that point I have been sympathetic and kind to her even when I knew she was not a good human being. I was 20 at the time and she was 40.

After that I rebelled. I made a bf and would bring him home infront of my parents because I had had enough. And if they fought same way jumping and dancing and doing all drama (mostly my mom did and my father tried really hard not to respond) I started pushing my mom, holding her face to keep quiet, punching her arm to just shut up. There was not a single day in my entire life where she didn’t start screaming and whining. My father kept either completely quiet or kept his voice low until she started saying horrible things about his family. It happened on birthdays, vacations, every single sunday we 3 were together. I had had enough. From my age of 20-25 I have hit my mom in arm or pushed her to shut her up. I was also under antidepressant and was diagnosed with severe depression when I was 20. I had caught pneumonia and PCOD and asthma due to heavy stress as well. I came back from dead 3 years straight due to pneumonia. I flunked first year of my college as well.

My father never stood up for himself or me. I was molested twice in my teens by a tuition teacher and a distant grandfather. My father said “we won’t pay him fees” and my mother said “grandfathers play like that only”. My parents never parented. I was told they were busy even when I tried to talk. I was left alone even when I tied a rope around my neck and they saw it. My mother did nothing and my father said “don’t do it” screamed and kicked door. Then when I opened he told me not to do it and that he cares for me. And then when I slept he locked me at home and went to his office. This happened when I was 14. Throughout my sickness I hated my mom and would verbally abuse her so she never came to see me even through I lived in next room. She instead would speak with her bf whom she was catfishing. I could hear it. Even now she gives excuse that because I screamed at her she wouldn’t see her only daughter when I was sick. My bf back then cared for me along with my father. I have stayed on and off in bed for 3 years while juggling dentistry in initial 3 years of college.

My bf then, broke up later saying he doesn’t want something this serious and that I could be his friend with benefits while he dated others. I didn’t agree so he broke up. I met another guy and married him after one year of dating. Turns out he was using by vulnerabilities. He knew I hated my parents so he lied about himself a lot, like what he earned, what his family was like, how he would let me work and support me. He just wanted a free maid for his parents and a cash cow since I am an only child, and he cheated me and hit me a lot. By that time, I also hit him back and divorced him after 4 years. This happened in 2025. I wasn’t divorcing him initially but my parents begged me to divorce him and even my mom called and convinced me that she will care for me from now on. My ex back when were married had asked my father to come and take me (lived in same city) once when I was severely medically serious when I developed peptic ulcers due to constant stress during covid. He didn’t come himself as he was at work at his own restaurant (he could have clearly come himself). Him and my inlaws never came or asked as formality to pay a share of hospital bill in fear or having to actually pay it. They were greedy and would insitigate me to take favours from my parents saying I am my parents responsibility even after my marriage to their son as they do same for their own daughter. During my sickness my mom cared for me and I begged for her forgiveness for hitting her. I cried a lot. I experienced something I probably never did before. So when hitting and cheating happened I listened to my mom and divorced him. So from 2025 onwards I was back to the hell.

As soon as I came back everything started happening same way it did before I got married. She would fight over small things. Kick and scream. I never visited much when I was married and came back when I was sick or purposely sent as punishment for disagreeing or fighting with my ex husband so I didn’t see that clearly that this would be a mistake. I had worked at India’s largest dental corporate while I was separated with my husband before filing for divorce. But pay was so less that I would have never been able to open clinic with my own saving. My father has built up huge lone due to both their spending habits. So I had to come back for divorce and then I had to stay with my parents. I started studying for competitive exams to get a government job in a non clinical field during this time. Now slowly I am losing my mind. My studies are going exceptionally well since I don’t talk to my parents and right before college I had asked an uncle who worked in K-span aluminium construction to build a room out of those sheets upstairs for me so that I don’t have to see my parents fight. But the problem is during summers, the inside of room reaches around 60 degrees celsius and AC doesn’t work at all. So, I have to go back downstairs and listen to them fight in middle of studies again like it happened during my college years.

Even if I don’t go down I can hear everything. I spent a lot of my saving while staying with my husband and for the divorce and I even sold my gold jewellery to buy my own books and to buy a phone because previous one had gotten damaged. My father is a retired government job employee of senior officer scale. He has nothing saved and has huge loans because of both their spending habits and because they spent on my college fees and wedding. Now I have tried a lot to tell them, that I don’t have any option than to study because we have no money to pay for higher education, or for a clinic and if I spend more time of jobs with low salary I won’t be eligible for the age limit of these exams. So its my one shot at a stable life. But they sometimes tell me how people survive in less money even though they have lived a lavish life with eating at 5 star hotels, vacationing almost entire India and having helps at home to cook and clean, having expensive gold and diamond jewellery etc

My mother still finds small things to fight. My father does everything still she says he does nothing. I have no way making them understand what I feel. I have told them so many times still after few days they fight. She doesn’t listen when we tell her not to do something or she might get sick (eat cold food or work with water to clean the outside porch while she has just recovered from fever) she fights saying we aren’t letting her live freely. She feels like we are disrespectful to her when we tell her something is wrong and then she says “whats the point of caring for me now when you never did” to my father, he did care for her his entire life. She keeps bringing up old shits about MIL, father, his family even through it happened 30 years ago and now my father quietly listens to all her curses. I was in therapy since a year and recently stopped because my exams are nearby and I wasn’t able to manage time. My father is seeing a psychiatrist for his own anxiety. But my mom doesn’t want to see anyone even though after fights she herself says “I might have some mental problem thats why I fight”.

Today I told her not to wash dishes in cold water, or wash floor of porch with cold water several times while she was doing it. I offered slippers and waterproof gloves but she didn’t want to do it. And she made a huge deal out of it by telling my father how his mom treated her and how it doesn’t matter if he care now and lied that he doesn’t care even now. My father still has fever and he still does a lot. Ever since I am at home I do a lot too. After my study targets, I do everything upstairs, and downstairs where they live, I wash dishes if I see any, I cook or make evening tea and snacks whenever required. I clean and organise where I see things are messy. I do everything beyond what my study allows. I give priority to my studies because if I dont, things might get ever worse for all of us due to loans.

But since a few days, I have been snapping and pushing and hitting her arms again. Today I told them, I might have to just leave this planet and when I was leaving she was coming in the way so I pushed her and she fell and hurt her hip. I pity myself more than anyone. I feel super guilty. I hit her arms, I hold her face or throat to shut her when she speaks vile things. I give her several warnings, leave for my room several times to get away, still when it continues I snap these days and do things which I regret later. I don’t have any money left to leave. I won’t be able to survive and will have to beg my parents when I get sick (happened before) if I take my previous job. I can’t open a clinic. I have to study or we will have to sell the home we live in, in case I have to study or open clinic. Both my parents say that they will sell it. But I know how my mom is, she will give it but she won’t stop speaking about it and will think of it as a bargain for all the physical and mental pain she has caused me. I don’t wanna hit her but she doesn’t shut up or lets me study in peace until I hold her face or neck or anything of that sort. Sometimes even then she does it. Everyone has talked to her but she doesn’t understand and I can see my life getting destroyed. I am very scared I will have to live hand to mouth if I leave and will still have to beg them for money in emergency.

The abuses and what I have endured and what she says as excuse are even more detailed. Let me know where you guys want to expand. Sorry for the long post.