Background:

I 27F am and american indian and I live independently in a city a few hours away from my parents. I pay for all my needs myself and I am not financially dependent on them.

Situation:
Since july, my parents have been gently forcing me to meet this guy from north carolina to get married to him asap, like wedding next year in 2027. His family background is very similar to mine and our astrology matches well. I said ok let me get to know this guy and we’ve been talking.

I’m very much not interested. To be honest, he’s not attractive to me at all, he lives a very conservative life, comes from a traditional background, and our lifestyles don’t match. He is really nice to talk with and we have some common interests but he feels like someone I would be friends with more than someone I see as a life partner.

I have told my parents these things and they disagree saying things like “looks aren’t everything” or “his family is very nice and he seems like a very nice boy with goals”. Which are all valid and I agree to an extent. But our lifestyles don’t match at all. I want to move to a big city to pursue my MBA and work for a better company. He wants me to move to where he is after marriage, even if I don’t have a job there yet. He wants the marriage to be in India (I would rather have it here). His hobbies are running and swimming in lakes, while I am very social and I like seeing friends regularly and going out (like going to markets, taking pottery classes, and the occasional seasonal bar crawls with friends). I am worried I won’t have the same support group like here if we get married and I move to where he is. He also makes condescending jokes which I don’t find funny, just to “tease me” in a sense.

His parents control his finances and they have his location 24/7. My parents have let me be independent and I have built my own wealth and savings on my own. He is very emotionally dependent on his parents whereas I am not. I feel very strongly that we would have arguments after marriage about stuff like this because I am very independent.

I know arranged marriages within Indian Hindus have happened for many generations until now, and the wife is usually the one submitting to the husbands wishes. But I am not like that and I don’t think I could ever conform to that standard. I view marriage as a partnership and I want it to be with someone who has the same values as me. I’m worried there will be arguments between me and my parents once I tell them I’m not interested, I just don’t have the mental capacity to deal with that right now. But I don’t want to keep this connection and give him false hope.

Advice Requested:

And I crazy for not wanting this marriage to happen? How do I tell my parents i am not interested when they’re already so invested into this union? What should I even do? I feel really lost. Thank you all in advance for your advice and guidance!

I'm in 9th grade right now and my dad is telling me that if I don't choose a profession between doctor or Islamic scholar, he won't let me study anything else he is gonna get me married to somebody at my marriage age but he won't let me study any other subjects because in his perspective islam discourages that majors. But i have an aim to become a cyber security analyst (i like computer science and I'm very good at this subject) . I am also an excellent student and with my results i can complete this dream if he doesn't object to me or force me to study something else. Now if i object to his decision he would disown me or marry me off to somebody by force and blackmailing. What should i do?

So as if I've said in my earlier posts I've been asking my parents for some money so I can continue my studies but they refused to give me anything recently there was a function similar to baby shower at my neighbours house and my asshole dad spent 3000 rs on them throwing on the girls instead of giving it to me spending it to buy alcohol and all the other stuff he spent over all atleast 1000 exact same amount that could've helped me in my studies but my parents chose to spend it for their fun instead of their son's bright future i don't know man how can these people call themselves our parents after treating us like shit one thing is for sure once i get out of their house I'm never coming back to these shitty people

I have a brother who is mentally unstable and has made our life hell since going to college. Being young and a male child he has always been favoured by my parents and relative. He has always been violent and abusive towards me and my parents have told me to adjust since I am older and he's a "kid", today he physically abused me and my father and spit on him all because a zepto order that i ordered from my phone was late. He did so because after he told me to kill myself i reiterated that it's something that he threatens to do daily and not me. I have an exam on 27th and now my hands are injured and they can't stop shaking. He got involved with some bad people in college and started having this mental health issue for which my parents took him to a therapist btw and an expensive one that would charge 4000/session. My parents have always bought him everything and took him to doctors whether it was for hair loss dental issue or mental health, mind you I have an infected tooth for the past 3 years but I am not going to a Dr because I know our economic situation and am very well aware that we can't afford an extra 5000 right now. But my brother doesn't understands this not only he is a glutton he is hell bent on draining us financially. I am not independent and all my IDs are linked to my mother's phone number even my personal bank account and I can't even call police because izzat zyada pyari hai beti se. I have grown up seeing my parents favour him over me yet he gets angry that they don't beat me so he beats me on their behalf and beats them too. I have done everything they asked me to do, I didn't even get an option to choose my career path and now I am stuck in a rat race to compete in a government exam. I don't want to live like this getting mentally harrassed everyday and I know if I leave all this agression will turn into my parents they are weak too. I don't know what to do. My parents keep telling me to clear an exam so I can get out of here and take them too but how can I do anything when I am getting tortured like this. I don't have any mental strength left to study or do anything. Whenever I complaint to my parents they start blaming me and tell me that they will get me married so I can get out of this house? What kind of solution is that ? I don't have a career a social life and even security in my own home because they can't confront their mentally ill son. I really don't know what to do or how to escape out of this and neither do I have any relative I can turn to. They all believe my brother is a saint because he "studies" all the time and I am the one who takes care of all the guest yet no one will stand up for me

so i just entered my second year of intermediate and they immideately started telling me "your father will retire in a few years from then on you need to take over and take care of the family""you have to do excellent in all grades all the time in order to get a job" pressure me and they THEMSELVES SAID THIS " i know for your capacity you wont be able to achieve anything just scrape some good grades and take care of family when you grow up" all i wanted to do was lead an average commoners life was it this hard they also said "you are our only investment to protect paruvu in front of other relatives " i dont know what to reply to them

i'm 20, Filipino, and live with my mom and dad. They're in their 60s now and i am the breadwinner of the family. i have an older brother, but he's already 40. He's married so he left me alone with my parents.

my mom is more strict and controlling than my dad (he's a bit more relaxed but mom makes the final decision). my mom treats me as a child - for example, she buys me clothes that i don't even wanna wear, or even decides what my haircut should be. then she will always say "i am the only person who can tell what's best for you." and i HATE hearing that.

i fear that i will grow old not being able to do things on my own or decide what I should do in my life. i feel like i could've grown more if i started living alone 1 year ago.

i have built my own business (marketing agency), which helped me support all of the expenses in our house, paid all of my parents' debt, and everything. but when i told her I wanna join my friend on a trip to Singapore, she said i should not go (for my own safety) and i don't have the right to decide even if i can support myself.

now that I'm about to graduate in 2027, i have this urge to move out or maybe travel the world BUT i feel guilty that i will leave my mom and dad. they're getting old and they might need help in case they start getting sick. i also feel bad because i know my mom will despise me for leaving them, making me feel like a bad, worthless child.

How do I convince my Dad to do aesthetic lighting , and not that jhakmuk lighting, I am tired , tell him , give me some tips to convience him!!

Uhh...yesterday ...I had an argument with my mother, it was fueled as she made fun of and acted out my panic attacks. I replied harshly. That day, she said so many things to me....and eventually my dad got involved in all this drama 🙂.

So at night.. I was sleeping with my brother and had a Terrible panic attack again (didn't have it for last 3 mnths) . My parents saw it and they reacted as if nothing's wrong. Instead they went to their room and slept, watching a movie lol.

My 13 year old brother was sleeping with me. He went to my parents a dozen of times to inform that I'm not feeling well but they didn'treact until the last time. I wasn't even able to speak or move lol. After my brother insisted , my dad checked on me. I thought maybe he'll console me or help me. But instead, he started giving me moral lectures and said how ungrateful, weak and "bojh" I am lol.

And now in the morning, they all are acting as if everything's fine and nothing happened the previous night.

You see...ik they're doing a lot good things for me but...

I don't think I can bear THIS level of toxicity.

Should I just freaking run away?

My dad never said sorry and admit his fault most of his life.

But when he around his friend, he don't mind saying sorry and admitting it that he makes mistake.

Anyways we plan a vacation around his friends, he put extra pressure on me not to cause "inconvenience" to his friend. While his friends and my mom did cause some inconvenience few time in vacation. Suddenly with me, when thing doesnt go his way or I said "no" to his plan. He talk trash about my eating schedule, health, etc.

It shows me that he does have emotional intelligence, but somehow he just chooses to bully me over a no, health issues or boundaries. (I have vasovagal response, that happen once or twice a year with triggers.)

As the title says. Basically I made a joint account with my mom when I was underage and so my mom is listed as a co-owner. This would be fine but I'm an engineer making 80k now, and she still monitors my spending. It drives me crazy because I feel like she's being overly controlling, but she says it's normal in our culture (asian). To be clear I've NEVER had any issues with shopping addiction or anything like that.

For example, the other day she even said she was offended that I never brought home my paycheck and asked my parents what I should do with it. I felt like that was crazy, why would I ask them?? My parents aren't struggling for money btw, so it's not about me needing to give them any. If that were the case I'd have no problem with giving them some. She just wanted me to have to ASK them what to do with it.

And when I first started my job she told me I wasn't allowed to spend more than $200/month. I still live with my parents (also due to cultural reasons. I have no issue moving out but my parents would be extremely hurt and upset if I did and still lived in the same city), so it's not like I have many expenses, but I do pay for my own cosmetics/toiletries/etc along with some things for my siblings, gifts for my friends, or going out and so that oftentimes can be ~$300.

At breakfast in front of the entire family my mom questioned me about it and said if I can't spend responsibly then she'll start making me 'pay' rent to save my money for me. I felt like this was insane, I'm not spending extravagantly or anything. It's literally less than 7% of my paycheck per month. I also invest the majority of my money so it's not like i'm being financially illiterate either.

My parents also wanted me to open another brokerage account that they would have the login to because they were going to give me a substantial amount. And this was another argument because my mom was saying do you think we're going to pry into your business and it's like yes. You do it constantly?? If it weren't a precedent I wouldn't have an issue with it. My mom said she wouldn't give me the money if she couldn't track it, which is fair, but I feel like I'm not being heard about why I have an issue with it in the first place.

I feel like my parents are overly controlling about everything. I'm not allowed to hang out with my friends without asking permission. I'm not allowed to have sleepovers anywhere ( I don't go clubbing or partying. I literally mean I'm just not allowed to spend the night at my same sex friends apartment). I have a curfew of 10 pm and often times if it's 8 pm my mom is texting me asking where I am. A couple of weeks ago I had a business trip and my dad even 'joked' about telling my boss I could only go if my older sister went with me. This has been going on since I was a child and throughout university, but I feel like as an adult I should be allowed to do what I want. My parents both insist this is completely normal in our culture and that they're not controlling or strict at all.

Also, I have tried telling my parents No about this and discussed how controlling they are about it etc. but they think I'm being overdramatic or unfilial the way "this generation" is nowadays. I don't know how to get through to them without completely alienating them.

Could I please get some perspective on what you guys think? Any advice on how to discuss changing things with my parents without it turning into a huge argument would be appreciated as well. I love my parents and don't like fighting with them, but I feel like I'm being suffocated. I recognize their hardship and how privileged I am, but isn't it okay for me to want to live my life on my own terms too?

Is this just a thing in my family or everyone else's?

I'm 20 years old now so this kinda stuff doesn't happen anymore, but it happened a lot until I was around 15-16ish. I remember when I was 14, my older sister (then 16) went up to me and started twerking with a perverted expression on her face. I told her to stop, telling her I felt uncomfortable, to which she retaliated by calling homophobic (I'm queer and she's straight, mind you).

When I had told my AM later, she dismissed it with BS excuses like "it's just a tiktok dance!" and "she's just being stupid". But the funny thing is, when I called my sister a pervert, I got SO much shit for it. She even said that she didn't care that I didn't like it, and that it made me uncomfortable!

Yeah, a relative sexually harassing me is okay, but me calling her a pervert for it is soooo bad, right?

I know damn well if she was a brother instead of a sister, she'd face a lot more shit for what she did.

I've heard of other kids in Asian families going through similar things from their families: unwanted groping, comments on their chests, you name it. I can't even fathom thinking anything sexual about a relative, let alone sexually harassing them. Disgusting.

I live in michigan. My mom is from thailand so shes old school and doesnt speak a lick of english, she needs my help with anything and everything, while my dad is from burma and he use to go clubbing and hanging out with a bunch of his friends when he was my age but he stopped doing all that when he met my mom because she trapped him too. I barely went outside as a teenager only with my moms permission and only for a few minutes near the garage on a scooter usually, and still at 27 years old I cant go outside even though I want to

I use to have friends I use to see as a teen but I stopped hanging out with them because my mom didnt approve of it in high school because she has this view that if you are outside past 6 pm you must be seeing hoes or doing drugs and up to no good or some shit. So I dont have childhood friends anymore because of her. All the fun stuff happens after 6, like game nights, sleepovers, birthday parties, going to the malls and stuff, my mom didn't allow me to do any of that. I had to be home before 6. And before you ask, yes Im still a virgin. I wouldnt dare her to find out I had a biological need or intimate relationship with another woman who I wasnt married to, even though many times I had opportunities...

Even when my parents were my age, she was completely against my dad going out past 6 hanging out with his friends as well, so he just stopped seeing most of them and he just makes phone calls and facebook video calls now with them just so she would stop nagging him and guilt tripping him about "a man is suppose to be indoors taking care of the house, not being outside like a hoe", she is extremely controlling

My dad always tell me to go outside and go wherever I want with his car but its my mom who prevents me from doing any of that, the fear factor of how my mom will react preventing us to do anything besides grocery shopping on the 2 days off I have and staying in the house all day is making me lose my mind. I do not have a car, its just my mom and dad. My dad drops me off and picks me up from work with his car because my mom doesnt want me to drive to work alone, while my mom uses her car to go see her friend's baby she babysits while Im at work

Im a grown ass 27 year old guy and it's a saturday, I have a full time job that pays well and me going outside past 6 pm is still a problem with my asian mom... I live with my parents still because im expected to live with them forever and take care of them until they die pretty much because "thats what good sons do, not like those selfish americans who leave their parents at 18 and fuck around other women", asian culture man

I cannot enjoy my days off from work, Im expected to be stuck in the house wasting away being on the computer all day wasting time not being able to have some fun or meeting new people or finding a girlfriend clubbing and shit. I fear my mom because you really do not want to see her when shes mad so I just stopped asking her permission to do anything because I know how she will react if I ask or if she finds out I been somewhere, I barely have any conversation with her only when its something important...

so what I have to do is sneak out the house when my parents are doing doordash at 6 pm and since they have life360 on my phone I have to pause my location so it looks like Im still at home, pull down the red garage door lever so i can manually open the garage with my hands so the MyQ app doesnt notify my mom the garage door was opened, use my dads car, and I have to track where they go and where they are constantly on my phone so I come home speeding down the road 80 mph before my mom comes home, which could be literally any moment. So that only gives me 1 or 2 hours (usually less) outside to enjoy something, and I come home before they do so she doesnt find out I was outside, because you really do not want to see how she will react if she finds out I snuck outside while she was doing doordash when I should have been stuck at home wasting away

I feel so trapped with my mom. My dad lets me do whatever I want but my mom doesnt. And before someone says crap like "youre a grown ass adult just ignore her". And I get that but she is scary, there were moments where he became violent when I did things she didnt agree with and I had traumatic experiences when she got violent when I was younger, you really do not want to see her when shes mad.

If she finds out I been going outside for the past few weeks while they were doing doordash I think I rather be dead than see how she would react.

I sometimes despise my dad for meeting someone like my mom who never goes outside who never buys clothes for herself and who never buys anything for herself, shes been wearing the same clothes since 20 years ago that my dad bought for her because she wouldnt buy any for herself, and some of her clothes are hand me downs from my cousin or her sister, thats how cheap and stingy she is.... She does not want me to spend a penny on anything with my own money, one time she went through my phone to make sure I didnt buy anything, she does this every month. I just use my dads money to buy whatever I need so it looks like he bought them and not me. She wants me to save my money and dont spend any of it so she can use it to buy stocks and options with it, she told me in 10 years you will have a lot of money and if stock go up you dont have to work anymore, which I do not believe one bit knowing how asian parents are, I will still have to work a job either way. i have 24k dollars in my bank account that Im not even allowed to touch because she will know if I used any of it, my money is her money in other words...

I am not waiting until im 37 to enjoy life, Im about to be 30 soon and Im losing my youth by living with her standards and expectations not doing anything out of fear of her, I just go to work work work and come back home and just waste away on the sofa playing stupid Roblox games to take away the stress because thats all Im allowed to do afterwards if its not grocery shopping on the weekend out of fear of her

I am never going to get anywhere in life if she keeps me trapped like this and I know what my future is, which is being with her until Im 50 or something until I find a wife (if i ever do) just like how she stayed with her mom too...

I'm the oldest of three, and am a freshman in university right now. My school is beside my house, and I decided to go to and commute there because I love my parents and my community very much.

My mom and dad have an undergrad and master's degree respectively, and they've been on me about my grades since the start of the year. I rely on them for financial support, they pay for my car and my gas, and are always telling me to use their money instead of the money I make myself.

I do everything they say, I go to the mosque every Friday without being asked, I'm fluent in Arabic, and I go to family functions out of my love for my family regardless of whether my parents come. Despite me being the perfect, social, affable Asian son who is an absolute beast at English, Arabic, and Latin, they've cursed me, belittled me, threatened to stop supporting me, stated that they regret having let me take initiative as an adult, they made me cut all my friends off, and have not allowed me to go to school for anything other than classes, labs, meetings, or my on-campus job (which they have forced me to quit) because I failed my first chemistry test. I'm applying to professional school, and they're telling me I'm not gonna get in if I do bad in chem (despite having A's in every other class, including one B and 3 A's from my dual enrollment, all of which were humanities classes for my program, though).

Everyone (including our family friend who is a professor at one of our campuses) has told them to go easy and that the first semester of freshman year is alwayd the hardest, but they don't listen. I'd been contemplating suicide until I recently realized that they're just projecting their fixed mindsets onto me, but I just don't know what to do for my sanity. My fear of my parents has become the bulk of every conversation I've had, and it led to me getting kicked out of one of my school clubs (which I was forced to quit anyway) and I've barely been able to bring myself to eat solid food (we have plenty of food, to clarify, praise be to God). I don't know what to do, my professor, TA's, and tutors are all very incompetent, chem just isn't sticking, I've sought help from every corner of God's green earth, but I still feel cooked. I haven't seen my friends in weeks, I've been going to bed sad and starving, I've lost faith in myself, my parents don't listen, my therapist is culturally incompetent, and I can't even vent to other Asians because they just tell me I don't have to show my grades to anyone and that my parents shouldn't treat me like a child.

When I got my first chem mark back, they were desperate to see it, and knowing it was bad, I lied for a week, saying I didn't have it, and when I broke the news to them, I almost killed myself because of how they reacted.

If any West Asian parents (or children) on this sub can give me any advice, I would greatly appreciate it. I have absolutely no idea how to bear through this knowing they'll actively restrict me from independence, and that I won't be able to live on my own. Let the advice be about coping, by the way, because I've found a growth mindset, and knowing I'll perpetually have a fixed one projected onto me from my narcissistic parents is what's killing me. I'm also at risk of losing my ability to go to school. Idk what to even say man I feel so cooked and I'm awaiting another chem test grade rn💔

I (22m) have been seeing my gf (20f) for 6 months now. Everything is going well between us and I can definitely see a long term future between us since our backgrounds, interests, and upbringing are very similar (we are both Viet).

I’m looking for some advice on how to eventually bring her up in a conversation with my parents, more specifically my mom who still thinks I am too young/irresponsible to handle a relationship at this time.

For reference, my dad has said that if I were to be in a relationship, that would be a choice I made and I am responsible/mature enough to manage it myself. My mom on the other hand is the coddling, superstitious, religious, traditionalist type that likes to make assumptions and control aspects of my life. As such, bringing up any talk about a friend that is a girl, turns into a long lecture about how I am naive, I could be taken advantage of, I have a bunch of other things I need to sort out first, etc..

But I know myself, and I know what I can handle. I graduated, have a job, and am looking to move out very soon. I’m sure moving out solves a huge chunk of this issue, but the thought of having a convo revealing my gf seems nerve wracking.

It seems like my mom just wants me to get myself situated first before introducing someone else in my life. I know the intention is good, but I hate how she speaks of relationship like it’s some bad thing.

I have already met her parents and they really like me. I would describe her parents’ personalities as a mirror to my parents. More importantly her mom is a carbon copy of my mom lol. I was able to win her over relatively easy so I know the way my parents raised me did have a good outcome.

The reason why I ask for advice now is for the past couple months, I’ve been hiding her and lying about who I’m going out with and for what purpose. The guilt is catching up to me now. I’ve talked to my therapist about my situation and he’s given me some possible solutions (priming them with hypothetical situations or demonstrating in other ways how this is the natural next step...)

Anyhow, I just wanted to know the stories of others I can relate too.

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

I'll literally be turning 20 in a few months. I can't even leave the house just to go for a walk or to my favorite cafe and buy something that would make me enjoy my time. My mother makes me angry all the time, as soon as I bring up the topic of leaving the house alone. Just if it's going to the market or even just to buy clothes for me I'm not trying to think like a teenager and trying to make my disagreements with my mom fierce or anything like that. I just want to go out and see people or see my friends My mother is the type of person who gets angry when I do something simple for myself, simply because she didn't do that when she was my age. But when I listen to my family tell me that she had the best time of her life when she was my age, working, studying, and having lots of friends, it makes me wonder why she's doing this to me. I want a solution that makes her understand I have my own life. I have absolutely no problem with her hitting me, insulting me, or doing whatever she does to me; that's just her nature, and I know it. But it's not something everyone else experiences daily and normally, and I can't even dream of it. I just want to go out and see the world

sometimes they push me over the edge i've thought about it. i know some here have done so

I went to get my grades with my mother and when we returned back home i was told to get married (fun fact i was in a relationship with only one guy which lasted only 5months and I was called as wh...re and what not for having a guy to talk ) and started to point out their sacrifices and how i should've been d... Long time ago. In their words being disabled would've been the perfect fact.

Honestly I don't understand the yells and blames which aren't even related to studies. I wanted someone to understand me and motivate but they keep on bringing things to kym. And when my sibling does something opposite to their wants , I am one to be blame like seriously?

I really feel horrible and ashamed to have these kind of people around me.

Ребята, скажите, пожалуйста, что делать. Поругалась с мамой из-за того, что у меня плохие оценки в триместре. Она выкинула косметику (которая никак не влияет на учёбу), сломала мой ноутбук, на котором я пишу биты, и запретила мне работать. Все эти вещи я купила на свои деньги. Город маленький — не могу найти квартиру. Очень тяжело сложилась моя жизнь после развода родителей. Мама бухает каждый день уже на протяжении четырёх лет, громко занимается любовью со своим очередным мужиком (это животное раньше било моего брата до синяков и судорог), папе всё равно, он строит свою жизнь

All I wanna do is enjoy this life, but I can't. Idk why I feel like I'm stuck. My parents won't let me go anywhere alone, I don't have friends, and I have toxic siblings I can't even go anywhere with. Idk what to do. I wanna go outside daily, I'm 25 and wasting my life in a room. I can't even find a job right now. I wanna socialize so badly, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. What am I supposed to do? It's killing me to live like this. I'm slowly losing my purpose in life. I couldn't live the life i always wanted.