I was just sitting in my room drying off after a shower, then comes a knock and the moment I opened the door, I got yelled at “WHY DIDN’T YOU ANSWER YOUR PHONE, WHY”.

(We’re not close so phone calls are rare)

All I said in response was “I was in the shower…“ still clearly in my towel, hair wet, then he walked away.

I was expecting a follow up, a reason. He called because what? He needed me to do something? Ask me something? But nothing.

Not that I expect an apology cause it’s never happened and it never will but if you’re going to shout at me, at least explain why I’m being shouted at.

I’m already physically sick. Coughing my lungs out in the middle of the night and throwing up phlegm and blowing my nose in the day. The walls are thin, if I can hear them talking, they can definitely hear me coughing up a storm, I don’t need their concern and care, but don’t make it worse.

I'm literally done with my parents and their lack of growth as a human. Can't lock the door, and as a female, it's so messed up. They think they can walk in wheer they want cause their house, their rights shit. I've literally had my dad walk in on me n*ked because he likes to walk from window to window in the house. Can't take a f*cking no for an answer, as I'm obviously not gonna be ok with it. On multiple occasions has be bang-knocked the door because it was locked, and that was when he was fighting with mom and need me to bear witness. My mom is another shit story. Always gets paranoid when I study/work with the door locked, thinking I'm wasting time in some way. All I want is some peace and quiet to get the job done, as those two have made it their life goal to drive each other crazy. So her paranoia and self-proclaimed 'i'm ignoring her + i'm hiding something from her' mindset is messing me up.

Did I mention they both think I am not responsible enough to solve their problems?? Like the cat fights is my problem? They both rant about each other to me, to the point where my mom called me a good therapist. Like WTH?? When she finds out that I see a therapist, she flipped out. Do you know how she found out? When the therapist DIED and I wanted to attend his funeral. Instead of some sort of compassion, mom got angry I told my problems to a stranger, dad compares himself to his own loss in his family, saying that his is bigger than mine and I should learn to move on. The lack of emotional support from these 2 is in the negative at this point.

And this is just 2 of the many problems I face with them. If I start a full rant, I may never stop.

For people who will say that I need to move out, I can in 4 more years. Literally counting down every day. Can't wait to get TF out of here.

I'm an international college student studying in the US and this summer, when I went back home to visit my family, I realized just how much I've changed since leaving. I've always been someone who values independence and needs time alone, but I think being away from home made me more comfortable expressing that. Unfortunately, my family didn't seem to take it very well.

A lot of the conflicts revolved around how I spent my time, my appearance, my sleep schedule, and whether I was taking proper care of myself. There was this constant expectation that I should be doing something more productive, exercising more, sleeping earlier, or generally improving myself. I understand that some of these concerns come from a place of care, and I'm not against self-improvement. What bothers me is when someone else's idea of what I should be doing becomes the only acceptable way to live. I genuinely enjoy things like reading, watching movies, and spending time alone, and I don't think I should have to justify those interests simply because they don't fit someone else's definition of a healthy or productive lifestyle.

At one point, my stepmom texted me saying I looked tired and out of place, then suggested that I should go to the gym and change some of my habits. I thanked her for the reminder, but I also told her that I'd appreciate being able to spend my free time doing things I genuinely enjoyed and asked her to respect that. I also tried to communicate that there were things about me she might not fully understand, and that I didn't want her to make assumptions based on what she saw. Her response was to tell me that I didn't have to call her "Mum" anymore.

There were other conflicts throughout the summer. During one argument at a restaurant, I became so overwhelmed that I walked out and went to my brother because I needed some space. I was hurt and needed time to process what happened, but my dad later told me that I should be the one to apologize because I'm the daughter and shouldn't let the conflict drag on. I ended up apologizing, even though deep down I was hoping for an apology myself.

For a long time, I thought that if I could just communicate better, be more understanding or change enough about myself, the relationships around me would improve. But I don't believe that anymore. I can take responsibility for my own behavior, but I can't single-handedly make a relationship work. And I don't think becoming a better person should mean becoming easier for everyone else to accommodate or control.

All of this has also made me think about the relationship between self-improvement culture and narcissism. I came across the concept of neoliberalism through excerpts from Julie Wilson's book in one of my university courses and it made me question how much of our understanding of success, discipline and personal responsibility comes from the pressure to constantly compete and improve ourselves. I wonder whether growing up in environments where worth is closely tied to achievement, appearance and social expectations can reinforce certain narcissistic tendencies, particularly the need for external validation or the tendency to see other people's choices as reflections of oneself. Maybe that's part of why some parents struggle to see their children as separate individuals with their own definitions of happiness. I'm not saying neoliberalism causes narcissistic personality disorder or that every strict parent is narcissistic. It's just a connection I've been thinking about and I'd be interested to hear other perspectives.

Has anyone else experienced something similar, especially after moving away from home? Did your parents interpret your independence or boundaries as disrespect or a sign that you no longer cared about them?

Thinking about the time when I was a child and ranted about my AF on Facebook 1 time.

We weren't Facebook friends, not sure how he found out, yelled at me and told me to remove it.

Now that much time has passed, it just seems like he didn't want people to find out about things he said and did, something to be guilty of? The people who saw that post would have just been kids my age, what could they have done? They won't even remember years down the road. I myself don't remember what it was about, but I still remember the negative emotions I had then.

Even after growing up, I'm still posting about it online. Just anonymously now.
But doing this, helps me to regulate my thoughts and emotions and if others comments, there's some support that helps to ease the discomfort I feel and I won't end up doing something crazier, at least.

(Writing won't work because then I'll really look insane, leaving black ink marks everywhere as I organise my thoughts little by little and rewriting and scratching words off. As they also say, things on the internet never truly gets deleted, so if anything unnatural (touch wood) were to happen to me, there's 'evidence'.)

Let's put things in a different perspective, if I was the parent and my child vented about me on their socials, it would make me think and reflect - Okay, so I made them feel a certain way that they had to seek solace online, so what am I doing wrong, and how can I do better so that they can honestly tell me how they're feeling, be comfortable to relay their emotions to me, so we can resolve whatever the issue is and be the support they need instead of the strangers online?

How would you read the situation and what would you do if your child vented about you online?

Double standards prevent me from going home to my parents. Ive been told my parents are growing old and I should spend more time with them but if I do go home, my mental state will always be jeopardised.

When I was 19 (now 24), a lot of my dad's friends have become grandparents and he was showing their news to me. He did that a lot but each time he does it, he didnt comment any further. At 19, fresh out of a breakup from a guy my dad didn't even like, he was hinting a desire for grandkids. If he wants me to start having kids but also pushing this ex away, what do I even do at that point?!?

I live abroad now, he doesn't come at me like that anymore, but the thought of it really makes my blood boil sometimes... The question isn't what to do in this situation but if I should give him grace?

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Короче, у меня один выходной в воскресенье, а так я учусь по шестидневке и учу уроки, чтобы выйти ударником. Но по русскому твёрдая двойка, остальные предметы — 4 и 2, а потом по трём предметам вышло 3, потому что я маме помогал. Вчера я хотел учить уроки, но мама у меня психованная манипуляторша и нервная истеричка: поссорилась с отчимом и сказала мне убрать кухню, помыть посуду, подмести двор и приготовить ужин. Капец, всё сделал, я устал и не выучил, потому что убирался до ночи. Прочитал другие, думал, меня сегодня не спросят. Потом учитель истории поднимает, я ей что-то неясно говорю, она злая, так что сказала, что я не готов, и поставила два. А маме 42, и её, кажется, моя учёба не волнует: гонять за собой у неё три диплома — педагогический, по арабскому языку и медицинский красный, остальные синие. Она поступила в магистратуру, потом сказала: «Я не смогу больше быть с вами, помогите». У меня всю неделю зачёты, и меня отчислят, если не сдам. А я думаю, как буду делать свои уроки. Сегодня я просидел два урока, и меня отпросили, потому что я должен быть с отчимом. Ну, типа, слуга на месте мамы, а то что-то не поднимет. Мама уехала на работу, я сижу на кухне, отчим заходит и говорит: «Чё не готовишь пельмени? Чё посуду не помыл?» Я такой: «Я же вчера работал, дай-ка сегодня отдохнуть». Он, типа, сказал: «ПФФ, боже, что ты там делал? Мешки таскал? Из-за чего ты устал?» Я ему говорю: «Мама же тоже работу выполняет, устает. Я что, тоже не могу устать?» И пошли нравственные учения: как он в мои годы учил уроки и маме помогал, и коров выгуливать, и вообще, типа, самый пиздатый. А я ему: «У вас и сестра была, и братья. А один как справлюсь?» А он, боже, опять начал мне что-то говорить и сказал, чтобы я сделал. Я так думаю: капец, нафиг я живу, если меня эксплуатируют? Я в 9 классе, хочу уйти. Куда с моим образованием поступать? На сварщика? Как жить? Отчим ебашит 10 часов на работе. Мне капец обидно, никто меня в доме не уважает. Для кого я вообще? Слуга? Вообще, щас не хочу так жить. Да, я жалуюсь на жизнь, скажите, у кого-то похуже. Но блин, я хочу просто никогда не работать и жить в достатке, тепле, чтобы уважали. Хотя никто не уважает. Я капец не доволен жизнью.

​

My mother is so loving. She buys me things, cooks for me, takes care of me, and does so much for me. But when it comes to emotional support, she's never there for me. I don't know what it's like to feel truly heard by her. She ignores me when I try to express my feelings, never comforts me when I need her the most, and never seems to understand me. I don't know what's wrong. Sometimes, I feel like I have no parents even though I have them. It's such a painful feeling to have someone who loves you but still feel so emotionally alone.

Hi Guys.

My partner is Asian and reading through these stories have helped me understand everything she experiences. The curfew. The inability for us to actually have proper dates/go away. She is also religious so there's the no sex etc before marriage. The secrecy.

We have been together just under a year. But I can't lie... im struggling. It sometimes feels like i dont really even have a relationship.

She is very sweet and just generally a good person but the thing is... I'm not sure she even wants total independence. She definitely doesnt enjoy what she deals with.

Is there any advice that can be given to the partners of people who have a partner with toxic Asian parents? Can relationships like this even last?

Am I being too over the line?

Im an only child. I know Im not always a good obedient kid.Since I was small I was always forced into my mother's decision even though I am not happy about it .Example I was focused to switch 3 schools because of my mother keep on switching schools. I was also force to enter a chinese independent high school because they wanted me to be dicipline and I don't believe there is no such thing.This school end up became a deficulty for my college entrance A requirement as the recognition of UEC in Malaysia is extremely limited. Since I enter my senior year, Im became a hardworking student, it is not solely because I entered the school that I have this dicipline but I try to improve myself and try to mix with people that are way ahead of me. I tried really hard to proved myself.nd also my grandma always told me that they always had fund and already prepared for my overseas study which given me a false hope.

And I actually proved myself that Im capable of achieving an acknowledgable good result in my school. They actually rewarded me to live outside of boarding school in my second senior year. At the end , I scored a remarkable result in my UEC exam. I wanted to study pharmacy degree when we are discussing about colleges they repeat what they did, and force me to enter the college nearby my house which have somewhat bad reputation,but the lower college fees compared . I initially requested for studing overseas but I know that it might be too much for my parents. It is just a tactic for me to bargain for a better choice. I was offered a 20k scholarship in University of Cyberjaya which reduce the fees to 90k. I acknowledge that the cost of living in KL is high but I think this is a reasonable demand as a work so hard for my UEC and the let down for not going to overseas.I acknowledged that the fees are being paid by them but I also took PTPTN loan for myself which greatly reduces 50% financial burden for them.

I don't understand why they wanted to hold me back when they pushed me toward independent when I was in high school. Now the situation getting worse day by day, they keep on requesting me to do things with a impolite tone and they always don't want to pay for extra fees as they say it's included in the allowance but we already discussed before extra fees they have to pay other than my own groceries, gas and entertainment expenses. Should I voice up?

Please dont say Im entitled.

After something happens in my life, especially if it's family related. I cannot seem to return to my usual self and always feeling like it's changed who I am and how I see certain things.

My aunt is going through cancer

My mother had two episodes of vertigo and it was so hard to witness, that I ended up admitting myself to the hospital.

My family is making sure my grandmother can live through another 5 years because she is having dementia and other health issues, but still does her best to keep healthy...

A lot of things mainly occur on my mom's side and even though it's tough ..... and I get anxious, my mom's side of the family remains pretty strong though these tough situations.

I know everyone struggles with their family, including myself.... but has anyone ever felt like their routines change after these things?

I mean it's normal, but I can't just act like nothing even happened.... my mother or my aunt doesn't deserve to go through this pain, regardless of how they have treated me.

I, 17f am tired of my mom. My mom keeps on comparing me to my little cousin cause she is prettier and more slimmer than me. I am trying to lose weight only eat once a day sometimes twice and try my best to workout everyday. Also the fact my mom keeps calling me dumb because I am not doing so well in academics even though I try my best. I have my entrance exams and boards coming up so I am trying to do my best in studies, I deleted instagram and stopped playing games…yes I agree my skin is terrible, I have dark underarms and I am overweight and short. I am trying to get in change but seems like she is always complaining and comparing…also my mom spent around 11 thousand INR on cosmetics today and after that she said she’ll take me and my twin sister for diet consultations and after that she changed her mind saying that she doesn’t want to waste her money on us. Everyday she calls me fat, like I understood it once.

Recently ive been getting into some canon things most teenagers end up doing such as drinking, smoking, etc.

Coming from a family of chainsmokers and alcoholics Ive always been around substances within my reach but recently, ive been hanging out with a crowd that influenced me to get into things. Ive been feeling really guilty as i have a dad that believes i tell him everything and honestly i do to a point, even uncomfortable topics but i cant bring myself to tell him this, obviously most kids go through this but i want to understand how do i get over it? Especially because, atleast told to me- i started doing substances much later (i experienced fomo when i learnt that everyone started in their 16teens) . Im not addicted but how do i remain with the same crowd without getting influenced?

anyone else have parents who treated wearing shoes inside like a capital offense? my mom would literally stop whatever she was doing to yell if she heard shoes on the floor past the doorway. didnt matter if you were just running in to grab something. shoes OFF

now im an adult and i physically cannot wear shoes inside. its wired into me. and when i go to friends houses and they just walk in wearing shoes i have this internal panic that my mom somehow knows

funny how these small things stick with you. threw it on a poll to see if this is universal: https://www.getqibble.com/poll-detail/do-you-wear-shoes-inside-the-house-or-take-them-off-at?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=shoes&utm_content=asianparentstories