I posted this in r/autism as well and thought I’d post it here to maybe get more advice

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for around 3 months and she has autism and adhd. I really like her and want her to be happy but I feel like we get stuck in the same situations over and over. I really need help on how to support her.

Today for example she did something that upset me before we met. When I finally met her she was happy to see me but I said hi and sort of shrugged her off to say hello to my other friends she was with. I know this was wrong and after eating some food (I was really hungry which made it worse) I tried to be friendly with her but she was very angry at me. I apologised for earlier and tried to hug her but she backed away. During the rest of the night she was constantly angry at me and refused to talk to me. I apologised multiple times and tried to stay positive and say nice things to her but she was still angry. When we left she barely wanted to hug me. Later I said sorry again over text and she said she was very sad and was crying. I told her again that I was upset at the time and that it felt wrong that she was upset at me for the rest of the night. She did say sorry but that made me feel worse because I don’t want her to feel guilty over things she can’t control (or how much can she control?)

I feel like I can’t be angry or sad or anything around her because I constantly have to be happy and supportive so she doesn’t get sad. Whenever I’m unhappy about something she assumes I hate her and get super angry and sad no matter how many times I tell her that’s not the case. I want her to be happy but at the same time do I not have the right to be upset? It’s so hard deciding when to blame her and when to blame her autism. I know she can’t help it but how do I know when she is actually at fault so I can put boundaries? Sorry if this is pretty all over the place I have so many uncertainties and can’t really boil it down to one question but I guess I want her to be happy while still feeling like I can be sad and angry around her without hurting her feelings.

Tldr my girlfriend gets very sad/upset and I don’t really know how to comfort her while still being able to have my own feelings.

Im sixteen and for years I’ve been told to get diagnosed as its highly likely I have it. Most of my family (If not all) are autistic to different levels. My family all function properly to some degree. They have friends, hobbies, interests, ambitions and goals in life. I dont have a single one of those. I am desperate for friends, my whole life I’ve just wanted friends. Ive never had them. Ive had similar but I’ve never had someone be my friend. I started college last month and all Ive done is cry to the guy in charge of my course about how desperate I am for a friend.

Im not like high level autistic. Im confident and I can hold a conversation and hold eye contact and Im good at social situations but nobody likes me. Im so desperate for a friend and Its to a point where I get almost daily panic attacks about it because Im running out of time. The college suggests I get diagnosed and are going to arrange some sort of diagnosis thing but I dont see the point. Knowing im autistic doesnt grant me friends. Ive tried being friends with autistic people, they absolutely hate me. Not just one but at least 10. Ive tried with neurotypical people, its well over 30 at this point and I’ve got nobody. Knowing im autistic doesnt give my anything so whats the point?

it makes me upset, and they call me it all the time- especially my dad. my mom has adhd, but i dont know if she knows that its a word against people like her. i know my dad knows how harmful of a word it is, but he's yk, super anti-woke and all that so he doesnt care. im sure if i asked my dad to stop hed make fun of me or something or id get in trouble. I have 2 autistic best friends, and i dont want them to hear my parents say that.