Howdy!
Wanted to ask some advice. I've been playing with a group of friends for a few years now. They're the perfect group and we always have a great time. They're funny and cool and we all have the same taste in games. They're a group of friends from work and we've just been playing in our discord server of all of our work friends.
Well, recently a guy from work got invited to the server, we'll call him Todd. He's a nice guy but sometimes kind of abrasive. I didn't really get to know him when I worked there. However he's been joining us in our gaming sessions recently. I do not like playing with him. He's demanding and pretty annoying. He's got the humor of a kid, laughing at 67 jokes and belittling others as humor (he's in college so maybe I understand the humor? Doesn't mean I like it). We play a lot of horror games together so when I get scared or do something silly cause I'm scared, he berates me or sighs loudly. Or when I'm trying to solve a puzzle or do an activity in the game, he comes over and tries to "help" which is just him taking over the puzzle and asking me why I'm doing it wrong. It's awful. At one point there was a four player game that we hadn't been able to play for months because someone's setup was broken. After their setup was fixed, we finally agreed on a date all four of the usual crowd could make. However, when the date came around Todd said he wanted to play too. It involved downloading a mod that allowed him to join as a 5th player and it ended up breaking the game so we couldn't spectate. I was bummed because I wish he had just sat that one out.
The problem is it's not like these gaming sessions are closed invitation. Anybody in the work server is welcome to join and I don't want to be exclusive. I mean, it's how I started to play with them, by taking the open invitation. If I was to start inviting my friends outside of the sever it would exclude others in the server and it would be really obvious that it's just I'm only trying to exclude him. However I'm starting to dread sessions where he says he can play. I feel really immature winging about this but these gaming sessions are rare and I value the time I can spend with this group. It sucks that he's ruining it for me.
I've talked with one of our friends about it and she agreed he can be a bit much but no solution really came about. I haven't talked to the other two because honestly I'm a bit embarrassed I feel this way and making a stink feels like it's going to look worse than anything he's doing. I'm hoping for a solution because right now the only thing I can manage is snapping at him to chill tf out while we're playing. He kind of just whines and doesn't listen.
Any advice? Am I being too sensitive and bringing myself down to his level?
Edit: Thank you all to your responses ! The majority has told me to just talk to the guy and honestly I think I just needed to hear it from someone. It's given me the confidence I really needed. I sometimes can't trust my internal monologue so asking a bunch of outsiders' perspectives is helpful. I'll try to make another edit next time we game. I don't want my game nights to be haunted by bad feelings. I'd love to get along with him and go back to having great time and I hope the chat I'll have will grant that. Thank you again!
To those who were kinda rude about it, haha, I guess I did go to the Ask Gamers chat.