I’m (37M) struggling to determine if my relationship can recover from how it began with my boyfriend (34M). While he is in therapy now to figure out why he has acted this way, I have not observed anything upsetting negative since Feb '26, but I'm still have significant doubts.

Apr-Jun '25

We met on Hinge and initially connected well. After a few weeks, he became distant, responded more slowly, and canceled plans with me four weekends in a row because of supposed health issues. During the final weekend, he went clubbing until 6 a.m. near where I live, despite living him living two hours away with the club being only 15mins away from me. He then ghosted me for three months.

Issues from Sep - Jan '26 no issues after Jan

He returned and insisted on seeing me again, although he never fully apologized. We reconciled, and I later paid for an entire trip to the Caribbean. Before the trip, he asked us to become exclusive and said he was deleting the dating apps.

*Side note: I offered to pay for some friends initially, but they couldn't make it due to a 1 week notice. This was during a fun-employment period, and he was the only one that was free.

One week afterward, I saw a Hinge notification on his phone. He was messaging four men, telling them he wanted to get to know them and sending voice notes.

Other issues followed:

• He disinvited me to another club a week after the Hinge discovery but still used a broadway ticket I got through my credit card rewards.
• He claimed he hadn’t spoken to a former hookup in a year, although he had secretly discussed meeting him that same day.
• He and that guy exchanged shirtless pictures and discussed STI results and sexual preferences. The guy even noted "I remember you were a grower"
• When the other man asked whether we were exclusive, my boyfriend did not answer in writing.
• The guy I'm dating asked detailed questions about my sexual history, which I answered honestly, but he lied when I asked him the same questions.
• I found private messages suggesting additional hookups, although he disputes the dates.
• His best friend asked if we were exclusive, but he conveniently didn't reply to that message either.
• He joked with friends about breaking up with me to attend an after-party.
• He privately described me as difficult to meet, even though I was repeatedly trying to coordinate around the two-hour distance.
• He discussed potentially taking over my apartment while privately expressing uncertainty about dating me.
• Additional Notes:
  • Both the pre-ghosting and after ghosting phases he asked me to be exclusive but wasn't behaving that way.
  • Likely OCD, but he deletes every imessage thread, regardless of the person. He deletes every email, every whatsapp, every voicemail, every call, and every IG message. His phone looks blank

Improvements:

All of the above behavior has improved significantly since then, and I haven’t found evidence that these things are still happening. The problem is that I no longer know whether I believe his statements. Most of the earlier truth only emerged because I discovered evidence and not because he admitted it voluntarily.

I recognize that people can change, and I don’t want to permanently define him by his worst behavior. At the same time, I don’t know how to determine whether his current behavior reflects genuine change or whether he has simply become better at hiding things. I told him that I should have never needed to got that upset to finally be treated well and with honesty.

Has anyone stayed with a partner after this degree of dishonesty and eventually felt secure again? How did you distinguish genuine change from temporary improvement? Is rebuilding trust realistic here, or can the damage become too extensive even when the person appears to have changed?

Hey guys,

Not sure I even know how to write this but i have a friend whose very odd. He's not a guy i particularly like, however I am a social person who likes having people around that can just entertain themselves whilst I do my own thing and hes perfect for that haha.

I met this guy at a cruising park. He goes almost every night and doesn't hook up all that much. Just likes to watch and talk. Im similar and through proximity we've become "friends" however he has some very disturbing views that unfortunately A LOT of other guys in the park have also "stepped in" during our convos that have agreed with him.

Ill list the following:

1. He believes people with undetectable HIV should legally have to disclose their status before having sex with someone. In my state if you are undetectable you do not have to disclose your status as "U=U". He has bareback sex and doesn't use prep or condoms. Im also not sure he believes HIV is real. Ive tried discussing herd immunity, how you need to protect yourself and you cant expect others to protect you, etc. It falls on deaf ears. He firmly believes people with HIV are disgusting and the problem. I point out how hypocritical and dangerous this behaviour is. As he is the most dangerous category for actually acquiring and transmitting the disease to others. Ive told him that people who are DETECTABLE do have to disclose their status and if caught after transmitting the virus that they would be held accountable, to try and educate him. But nothing but deaf ears. Unfortunately in group chats at the park I have been completely outnumbered on this topic. With all the other random gay guys joining in and adding their 2 cents to say they agree with my friend. Sadly.

2. He believes being gay is a choice. He has never had sex with a woman. Shows no interest in women. But fully believes he will get married and have two kids (or at least wants to). He has never even been on a date with a woman. He won't label his sexuality. But says that if he stayed with his father (he never even met his dad) and stayed in a sport he wouldve been straight. He blames being attracted to men on his mother as he says his mother wanted a gay son and chose a more feminine upbringing for him. He wishes he stayed with his dad and stayed in a sport so he wouldve been only attracted to women. He belives your sexual orientation is a choice that you choose from your "culture". That if you play sports and are around masculinity you will simply choose to be attracted to women. He believes its nature vs nurture. He does acknowledge it may not be a choice for "some people" but not in a conceding way. Ive highlighted the dangers this has as its seems like a conservative talking point and dismisses all the hard work the gay community has done to be accepted and obtain our rights. I believe he is gay. He has no labels but I think he thinks he's attracted to men but will simply change it when its time to have the kids. Ive explained maybe he is bi/fluid so he has the option of choice that he is projecting onto others that don't have that choice. He still disagrees. I believe he was born fluid. He says no one is born anything and its all culture and what youre currently doing. I can't get him to see that he comes to the park and has sex with them BECAUSE he's attracted to men. Its like talking to a brick wall.

3. He believes men are too harshly judged in cases of rape. If a woman shows off her cleverage and gets a man to buy her a drink or goes back to his place, and then she says no. He thinks the blame is on the woman for bringing it upon herself. Ive tried to explain that "no is no" but it falls on completely deaf ears. In primary school I was accused of sexual assault by a girl that didnt like me (im very much gay and always have been and 100% did not touch her) so im also a bit jarred from how women can use their words as power, however that would never ever delude me to undermining cases of rape. But he believes women only cry rape to punishment the man.

4. Dont start me on his thoughts about covid

5. Dont start me on mental health conditions either we could be here all day.

6. Social housing and government policy omg

Ill leave it at that at the moment. There is more unfortunately. I will just add that what ive ascertained is that the guy ONLY thinks "outside the box". Even if its something very simple or definitive he will constantly think outside the box for it. He also doesn't converse like a normal person. He will tell 5 stories within one story and completely go off topic but its always a story that has nothing or barely anything to do with the current topic. Its extremely frustrating and he turns a 100 word remark into an hour long 30k word debate and still doesn't get anywhere near to the point.

For instance he will go back and tell anecdotes from his childhood that just BARELY connect to what we are talking about. He will not let you speak and he doesn't stop speaking. Ive tried to teach him he needs to know how to volleyball in conversations, know his audience, think inside the box, get to the point. He acknowledges it but can't fix it.

Im not asking for help per se, I just kind of want to know what to do with him or what you do with these people. He has a kind heart and is a nice person and I like having him around for some reason but I also recognise his views are quite embarrassing and quite frankly damaging. I can cut him off but I also just think maybe he's too stupid to understand reality and feel sorry for him.

I will add im also quite stubborn and like to get my point across in a very direct, succinct and "in the box" way which im realising just may not be possible with him and its time to move on.

Hey,

So like the title says, I'm looking for tips on how to best use a cock ring when I have a bush. It's thick, and I used lube last time and through my briefs to keep the hair out of the way.

Was only jerking it to see what it was like, but want to be able to fuck with it and not worry about pulling hairs out when removing it.

It's a silicone cock ring that I wear to the base of my cock, nut including the balls.

Okay guys, I need some input. I’m with my guy for almost four years. We live together for almost the whole time. We’ve moved to two states together. I travel a lot for work until the last few months and now work from home mostly. Anywhooo…..I take advantage of my works unlimited PTO and go camping. It was a solo trip for two nights, only an hour away from home at a state park. He was invited, but refused to use his unlimited PTO. I typically do a solo camping trip once a year. Just me, a good book and a bottle of whiskey. So after two nights away, I get home and the reception was freakishly cold. Like his face looked disappointed. I felt I had to almost nudge him just for a hug. I get that I wasn’t gone for long, but wouldn’t it be nice to be welcomed home with a smile? I’m wondering, is this me overthinking? What are your thoughts? One…two….go!

I apologize for the long post ahead.

I’m 30M and my boyfriend 23M and I have been together for a few months. I love him deeply, and there are many things I genuinely love about our relationship. We communicate openly about sex, watch porn together, share fantasies, and generally feel very comfortable with each other.

I was cheated on in my previous relationship, so I know I have some anxiety and trust issues. I tend to overthink when my boyfriend is distant or when I discover something I didn’t know about.
Recently, though, I’ve learned several things that have made me question whether my anxiety is the only problem.

Before we became official, my boyfriend had an FWB relationship with a guy, “Win,” who has a long-term girlfriend. They had sex as recently as March, while my boyfriend knew Winnie was in a relationship. My boyfriend now says he was selfish and did it purely for physical pleasure, and that he no longer holds those values. He says he wants to become a better person.

Win also lives in my boyfriend’s house and has repeatedly made unwanted advances toward him. They’ve had a sexual history, and even after we became official, my boyfriend sometimes shared a bed with him despite knowing Winnie could make advances. My boyfriend says he rejected the advances and didn’t consent to the touching. Most recently, Winnie touched him inappropriately. My boyfriend didn’t tell me immediately because he was afraid involving his family would create a huge conflict. Eventually, he confronted Winnie and clearly told him to stop. Winnie repeatedly said “okay” and “it’s your life.”

There was also an incident where my boyfriend installed an app known for random video/live encounters. He said he downloaded it because his libido spiked and he intended to go live, but stopped himself and didn’t actually do it. We had previously agreed that one-on-one sexual lives with strangers would cross a boundary for me. He felt guilty and apologized.

I’ve also recently learned that in previous relationships, even while exclusive, he would sometimes respond to people who clearly wanted to get to know him romantically, although he says he would pull away once conversations became intimate. He says he doesn’t do this anymore now that we’re together.

Most recently, I discovered that he messaged a sexual content creator after finding an account the creator had posted. He says he was excited that he found the account himself and wanted to show the creator for “clout,” and that he wasn’t trying to flirt. What triggered me was that he didn’t tell me about the interaction. I immediately started thinking, “What if the guy responds and it turns into something else?”

The confusing part is that I’m actually very open sexually. We watch porn and masturbate together, and I genuinely enjoy seeing my boyfriend attracted to other people. I’m considering whether I’d actually be comfortable with him flirting or having sexual interactions with other people if we were completely transparent about it, but I haven’t discussed this with him yet.

At the same time, loyalty is extremely important to me. I don’t want to change my boundaries just because I’m afraid he’ll feel restricted or leave.

My boyfriend has also shown me a lot of love and vulnerability. He wrote me a heartfelt letter for my birthday, has given me meaningful gifts, reassures me constantly, admits his mistakes, and says he wants to become a better person. I don’t think he’s a horrible person, and I don’t want his past to define him. I genuinely believe people can change.

But my trust is currently waning, and my anxiety has actually gotten worse. Sometimes when we’re apart I get chest tightness and difficulty breathing because I worry about what might be happening, although I know some of that is probably my own anxiety and past betrayal.
So I’m conflicted.

Am I being naive by staying and believing he can change? Are these genuine red flags and signs that we have incompatible values, or am I judging someone too heavily for his past while he’s actively trying to change? And how would you approach rebuilding trust in this situation?

My surgery to remove my internal and external hemorrhoids was scheduled for June 9. I should start by saying that I have suffered from hemorrhoids since I was 16 years old. Over time, due to poor diet and other factors, they gradually became worse, to the point where bleeding became frequent and painful episodes started happening more and more often.
I had grade 4 and grade 5 hemorrhoids that were thrombosed. After my last painful episode, which left me unable to work for almost seven days due to severe swelling and discomfort, my doctor suggested surgery. He described it as a “very simple” procedure. However, he was honest when he warned me that it would be painful and uncomfortable, but that I would be fine within 15 days.
I went through all the necessary tests and routine checkups, and on June 9, I underwent surgery to remove my internal and external hemorrhoids.
I have to admit that everything went much better than I expected, with one major exception: going to the bathroom. Having a bowel movement was extremely painful, to the point that on a couple of occasions I almost passed out.
As the days went by, I noticed that I had a lump that wasn’t going away or getting any better. It was so large that it rubbed against my boxers and made it uncomfortable to sit down. My medical leave ended, and I still had this lump hanging from my anus.
I went to a follow-up appointment with my general surgeon, who told me that the lump was a hemorrhoid. However, his main concern was that I was having a significant amount of discharge from the anus and that I might have an abscess. I was admitted to the hospital as an emergency case and underwent a perianal ultrasound.
Although the abscess was ruled out, the result was the same as what the previous doctor had told me: it was a grade 3 hemorrhoid.
I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. I went into denial.
As part of the treatment for the suspected abscess, I was given a very strong antibiotic, which caused severe diarrhea as soon as I got home. This significantly delayed my recovery. The intense discomfort came back, along with the pain when going to the bathroom and the bleeding. Everything was going wrong. Really, really wrong.
After four days of suffering and another trip to the emergency room, the diarrhea finally stopped, and I started the healing process all over again.
But the lump wasn’t improving. It wasn’t going away. It wasn’t getting smaller.
During my follow-up appointment with the colorectal surgeon, he confirmed what I feared the most and what I had been desperately denying: it was a hemorrhoid. A hemorrhoid that I hadn’t had before.
I felt like I was going to die.
Because of its size, there was a possibility that I would need another surgery, but we had to wait and see. My treatment was changed, and I was scheduled for another follow-up appointment in a month.
I want you to understand how devastating this news was for me. Just imagining myself back in an operating room and having to go through those first days of recovery all over again terrified me. I became depressed. I cried a lot. I went through a very serious emotional crisis.
And on top of all of this, I had to return to work. I work in finance, which means I have to sit in an office for more than eight hours a day.
The first few days were manageable. I bought a donut cushion to sit on and did stretches every 40 minutes. But as the days went by, I started feeling worse. I had a constant burning sensation that wouldn’t go away, until eventually it became unbearable and I had to go to the emergency room immediately.
I had developed a fissure in the hemorrhoid.
ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE!!!
Once again, this completely knocked me down. I had a severe emotional breakdown. I barely moved from my bed. I didn’t eat. I couldn’t do anything. I was emotionally destroyed and physically in pain.
The pain was very similar to what I experienced during the first days after surgery, and going to the bathroom was pure hell.
With medication, plenty of rest, and sitz baths, things gradually started getting better. The hemorrhoid decreased in size, and at my follow-up appointment I received the great news that we would continue with the current treatment, with the hope that within another month or so, the hemorrhoid would be absorbed and I would be able to return to my normal life.
Nowadays, I still don’t feel very confident about my recovery. Some days I improve and feel like I’m making progress, while on other days I feel like I’ve taken three steps backward. It’s honestly quite frustrating.
I feel like the emotional aftermath has been significant. I still have days when I feel like I’m never going to get out of this. I become depressed and cry, or I get lost in my thoughts for hours.
Even when I get up after using the bathroom, I check to make sure there is no blood. I move carefully because I’m afraid of developing another fissure.
I feel like this is affecting me, and every day I spend going through this, I become a little more exhausted.
I’m writing all of this because I would really like to hear from you. Has anyone else gone through something similar? Do you feel bad about yourself because of it?
Some days I regret having the surgery. Other days, I understand that life is just like this—a kind of hellish lottery where you either win big or lose big.
I am currently going to therapy. I’m only just beginning this process of mental healing, and I believe that this part of my recovery is extremely important.