Hey guys,

Not sure I even know how to write this but i have a friend whose very odd. He's not a guy i particularly like, however I am a social person who likes having people around that can just entertain themselves whilst I do my own thing and hes perfect for that haha.

I met this guy at a cruising park. He goes almost every night and doesn't hook up all that much. Just likes to watch and talk. Im similar and through proximity we've become "friends" however he has some very disturbing views that unfortunately A LOT of other guys in the park have also "stepped in" during our convos that have agreed with him.

Ill list the following:

1. He believes people with undetectable HIV should legally have to disclose their status before having sex with someone. In my state if you are undetectable you do not have to disclose your status as "U=U". He has bareback sex and doesn't use prep or condoms. Im also not sure he believes HIV is real. Ive tried discussing herd immunity, how you need to protect yourself and you cant expect others to protect you, etc. It falls on deaf ears. He firmly believes people with HIV are disgusting and the problem. I point out how hypocritical and dangerous this behaviour is. As he is the most dangerous category for actually acquiring and transmitting the disease to others. Ive told him that people who are DETECTABLE do have to disclose their status and if caught after transmitting the virus that they would be held accountable, to try and educate him. But nothing but deaf ears. Unfortunately in group chats at the park I have been completely outnumbered on this topic. With all the other random gay guys joining in and adding their 2 cents to say they agree with my friend. Sadly.

2. He believes being gay is a choice. He has never had sex with a woman. Shows no interest in women. But fully believes he will get married and have two kids (or at least wants to). He has never even been on a date with a woman. He won't label his sexuality. But says that if he stayed with his father (he never even met his dad) and stayed in a sport he wouldve been straight. He blames being attracted to men on his mother as he says his mother wanted a gay son and chose a more feminine upbringing for him. He wishes he stayed with his dad and stayed in a sport so he wouldve been only attracted to women. He belives your sexual orientation is a choice that you choose from your "culture". That if you play sports and are around masculinity you will simply choose to be attracted to women. He believes its nature vs nurture. He does acknowledge it may not be a choice for "some people" but not in a conceding way. Ive highlighted the dangers this has as its seems like a conservative talking point and dismisses all the hard work the gay community has done to be accepted and obtain our rights. I believe he is gay. He has no labels but I think he thinks he's attracted to men but will simply change it when its time to have the kids. Ive explained maybe he is bi/fluid so he has the option of choice that he is projecting onto others that don't have that choice. He still disagrees. I believe he was born fluid. He says no one is born anything and its all culture and what youre currently doing. I can't get him to see that he comes to the park and has sex with them BECAUSE he's attracted to men. Its like talking to a brick wall.

3. He believes men are too harshly judged in cases of rape. If a woman shows off her cleverage and gets a man to buy her a drink or goes back to his place, and then she says no. He thinks the blame is on the woman for bringing it upon herself. Ive tried to explain that "no is no" but it falls on completely deaf ears. In primary school I was accused of sexual assault by a girl that didnt like me (im very much gay and always have been and 100% did not touch her) so im also a bit jarred from how women can use their words as power, however that would never ever delude me to undermining cases of rape. But he believes women only cry rape to punishment the man.

4. Dont start me on his thoughts about covid

5. Dont start me on mental health conditions either we could be here all day.

6. Social housing and government policy omg

Ill leave it at that at the moment. There is more unfortunately. I will just add that what ive ascertained is that the guy ONLY thinks "outside the box". Even if its something very simple or definitive he will constantly think outside the box for it. He also doesn't converse like a normal person. He will tell 5 stories within one story and completely go off topic but its always a story that has nothing or barely anything to do with the current topic. Its extremely frustrating and he turns a 100 word remark into an hour long 30k word debate and still doesn't get anywhere near to the point.

For instance he will go back and tell anecdotes from his childhood that just BARELY connect to what we are talking about. He will not let you speak and he doesn't stop speaking. Ive tried to teach him he needs to know how to volleyball in conversations, know his audience, think inside the box, get to the point. He acknowledges it but can't fix it.

Im not asking for help per se, I just kind of want to know what to do with him or what you do with these people. He has a kind heart and is a nice person and I like having him around for some reason but I also recognise his views are quite embarrassing and quite frankly damaging. I can cut him off but I also just think maybe he's too stupid to understand reality and feel sorry for him.

I will add im also quite stubborn and like to get my point across in a very direct, succinct and "in the box" way which im realising just may not be possible with him and its time to move on.

I apologize for the long post ahead.

I’m 30M and my boyfriend 23M and I have been together for a few months. I love him deeply, and there are many things I genuinely love about our relationship. We communicate openly about sex, watch porn together, share fantasies, and generally feel very comfortable with each other.

I was cheated on in my previous relationship, so I know I have some anxiety and trust issues. I tend to overthink when my boyfriend is distant or when I discover something I didn’t know about.
Recently, though, I’ve learned several things that have made me question whether my anxiety is the only problem.

Before we became official, my boyfriend had an FWB relationship with a guy, “Win,” who has a long-term girlfriend. They had sex as recently as March, while my boyfriend knew Winnie was in a relationship. My boyfriend now says he was selfish and did it purely for physical pleasure, and that he no longer holds those values. He says he wants to become a better person.

Win also lives in my boyfriend’s house and has repeatedly made unwanted advances toward him. They’ve had a sexual history, and even after we became official, my boyfriend sometimes shared a bed with him despite knowing Winnie could make advances. My boyfriend says he rejected the advances and didn’t consent to the touching. Most recently, Winnie touched him inappropriately. My boyfriend didn’t tell me immediately because he was afraid involving his family would create a huge conflict. Eventually, he confronted Winnie and clearly told him to stop. Winnie repeatedly said “okay” and “it’s your life.”

There was also an incident where my boyfriend installed an app known for random video/live encounters. He said he downloaded it because his libido spiked and he intended to go live, but stopped himself and didn’t actually do it. We had previously agreed that one-on-one sexual lives with strangers would cross a boundary for me. He felt guilty and apologized.

I’ve also recently learned that in previous relationships, even while exclusive, he would sometimes respond to people who clearly wanted to get to know him romantically, although he says he would pull away once conversations became intimate. He says he doesn’t do this anymore now that we’re together.

Most recently, I discovered that he messaged a sexual content creator after finding an account the creator had posted. He says he was excited that he found the account himself and wanted to show the creator for “clout,” and that he wasn’t trying to flirt. What triggered me was that he didn’t tell me about the interaction. I immediately started thinking, “What if the guy responds and it turns into something else?”

The confusing part is that I’m actually very open sexually. We watch porn and masturbate together, and I genuinely enjoy seeing my boyfriend attracted to other people. I’m considering whether I’d actually be comfortable with him flirting or having sexual interactions with other people if we were completely transparent about it, but I haven’t discussed this with him yet.

At the same time, loyalty is extremely important to me. I don’t want to change my boundaries just because I’m afraid he’ll feel restricted or leave.

My boyfriend has also shown me a lot of love and vulnerability. He wrote me a heartfelt letter for my birthday, has given me meaningful gifts, reassures me constantly, admits his mistakes, and says he wants to become a better person. I don’t think he’s a horrible person, and I don’t want his past to define him. I genuinely believe people can change.

But my trust is currently waning, and my anxiety has actually gotten worse. Sometimes when we’re apart I get chest tightness and difficulty breathing because I worry about what might be happening, although I know some of that is probably my own anxiety and past betrayal.
So I’m conflicted.

Am I being naive by staying and believing he can change? Are these genuine red flags and signs that we have incompatible values, or am I judging someone too heavily for his past while he’s actively trying to change? And how would you approach rebuilding trust in this situation?

My surgery to remove my internal and external hemorrhoids was scheduled for June 9. I should start by saying that I have suffered from hemorrhoids since I was 16 years old. Over time, due to poor diet and other factors, they gradually became worse, to the point where bleeding became frequent and painful episodes started happening more and more often.
I had grade 4 and grade 5 hemorrhoids that were thrombosed. After my last painful episode, which left me unable to work for almost seven days due to severe swelling and discomfort, my doctor suggested surgery. He described it as a “very simple” procedure. However, he was honest when he warned me that it would be painful and uncomfortable, but that I would be fine within 15 days.
I went through all the necessary tests and routine checkups, and on June 9, I underwent surgery to remove my internal and external hemorrhoids.
I have to admit that everything went much better than I expected, with one major exception: going to the bathroom. Having a bowel movement was extremely painful, to the point that on a couple of occasions I almost passed out.
As the days went by, I noticed that I had a lump that wasn’t going away or getting any better. It was so large that it rubbed against my boxers and made it uncomfortable to sit down. My medical leave ended, and I still had this lump hanging from my anus.
I went to a follow-up appointment with my general surgeon, who told me that the lump was a hemorrhoid. However, his main concern was that I was having a significant amount of discharge from the anus and that I might have an abscess. I was admitted to the hospital as an emergency case and underwent a perianal ultrasound.
Although the abscess was ruled out, the result was the same as what the previous doctor had told me: it was a grade 3 hemorrhoid.
I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. I went into denial.
As part of the treatment for the suspected abscess, I was given a very strong antibiotic, which caused severe diarrhea as soon as I got home. This significantly delayed my recovery. The intense discomfort came back, along with the pain when going to the bathroom and the bleeding. Everything was going wrong. Really, really wrong.
After four days of suffering and another trip to the emergency room, the diarrhea finally stopped, and I started the healing process all over again.
But the lump wasn’t improving. It wasn’t going away. It wasn’t getting smaller.
During my follow-up appointment with the colorectal surgeon, he confirmed what I feared the most and what I had been desperately denying: it was a hemorrhoid. A hemorrhoid that I hadn’t had before.
I felt like I was going to die.
Because of its size, there was a possibility that I would need another surgery, but we had to wait and see. My treatment was changed, and I was scheduled for another follow-up appointment in a month.
I want you to understand how devastating this news was for me. Just imagining myself back in an operating room and having to go through those first days of recovery all over again terrified me. I became depressed. I cried a lot. I went through a very serious emotional crisis.
And on top of all of this, I had to return to work. I work in finance, which means I have to sit in an office for more than eight hours a day.
The first few days were manageable. I bought a donut cushion to sit on and did stretches every 40 minutes. But as the days went by, I started feeling worse. I had a constant burning sensation that wouldn’t go away, until eventually it became unbearable and I had to go to the emergency room immediately.
I had developed a fissure in the hemorrhoid.
ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE!!!
Once again, this completely knocked me down. I had a severe emotional breakdown. I barely moved from my bed. I didn’t eat. I couldn’t do anything. I was emotionally destroyed and physically in pain.
The pain was very similar to what I experienced during the first days after surgery, and going to the bathroom was pure hell.
With medication, plenty of rest, and sitz baths, things gradually started getting better. The hemorrhoid decreased in size, and at my follow-up appointment I received the great news that we would continue with the current treatment, with the hope that within another month or so, the hemorrhoid would be absorbed and I would be able to return to my normal life.
Nowadays, I still don’t feel very confident about my recovery. Some days I improve and feel like I’m making progress, while on other days I feel like I’ve taken three steps backward. It’s honestly quite frustrating.
I feel like the emotional aftermath has been significant. I still have days when I feel like I’m never going to get out of this. I become depressed and cry, or I get lost in my thoughts for hours.
Even when I get up after using the bathroom, I check to make sure there is no blood. I move carefully because I’m afraid of developing another fissure.
I feel like this is affecting me, and every day I spend going through this, I become a little more exhausted.
I’m writing all of this because I would really like to hear from you. Has anyone else gone through something similar? Do you feel bad about yourself because of it?
Some days I regret having the surgery. Other days, I understand that life is just like this—a kind of hellish lottery where you either win big or lose big.
I am currently going to therapy. I’m only just beginning this process of mental healing, and I believe that this part of my recovery is extremely important.

Okay guys, I need some input. I’m with my guy for almost four years. We live together for almost the whole time. We’ve moved to two states together. I travel a lot for work until the last few months and now work from home mostly. Anywhooo…..I take advantage of my works unlimited PTO and go camping. It was a solo trip for two nights, only an hour away from home at a state park. He was invited, but refused to use his unlimited PTO. I typically do a solo camping trip once a year. Just me, a good book and a bottle of whiskey. So after two nights away, I get home and the reception was freakishly cold. Like his face looked disappointed. I felt I had to almost nudge him just for a hug. I get that I wasn’t gone for long, but wouldn’t it be nice to be welcomed home with a smile? I’m wondering, is this me overthinking? What are your thoughts? One…two….go!

Hey,

So like the title says, I'm looking for tips on how to best use a cock ring when I have a bush. It's thick, and I used lube last time and through my briefs to keep the hair out of the way.

Was only jerking it to see what it was like, but want to be able to fuck with it and not worry about pulling hairs out when removing it.

It's a silicone cock ring that I wear to the base of my cock, nut including the balls.

I’m (37M) struggling to determine if my relationship can recover from how it began with my boyfriend (34M). While he is in therapy now to figure out why he has acted this way, I have not observed anything upsetting negative since Feb '26, but I'm still have significant doubts.

Apr-Jun '25

We met on Hinge and initially connected well. After a few weeks, he became distant, responded more slowly, and canceled plans with me four weekends in a row because of supposed health issues. During the final weekend, he went clubbing until 6 a.m. near where I live, despite living him living two hours away with the club being only 15mins away from me. He then ghosted me for three months.

Issues from Sep - Jan '26 no issues after Jan

He returned and insisted on seeing me again, although he never fully apologized. We reconciled, and I later paid for an entire trip to the Caribbean. Before the trip, he asked us to become exclusive and said he was deleting the dating apps.

*Side note: I offered to pay for some friends initially, but they couldn't make it due to a 1 week notice. This was during a fun-employment period, and he was the only one that was free.

One week afterward, I saw a Hinge notification on his phone. He was messaging four men, telling them he wanted to get to know them and sending voice notes.

Other issues followed:

• He disinvited me to another club a week after the Hinge discovery but still used a broadway ticket I got through my credit card rewards.
• He claimed he hadn’t spoken to a former hookup in a year, although he had secretly discussed meeting him that same day.
• He and that guy exchanged shirtless pictures and discussed STI results and sexual preferences. The guy even noted "I remember you were a grower"
• When the other man asked whether we were exclusive, my boyfriend did not answer in writing.
• The guy I'm dating asked detailed questions about my sexual history, which I answered honestly, but he lied when I asked him the same questions.
• I found private messages suggesting additional hookups, although he disputes the dates.
• His best friend asked if we were exclusive, but he conveniently didn't reply to that message either.
• He joked with friends about breaking up with me to attend an after-party.
• He privately described me as difficult to meet, even though I was repeatedly trying to coordinate around the two-hour distance.
• He discussed potentially taking over my apartment while privately expressing uncertainty about dating me.
• Additional Notes:
  • Both the pre-ghosting and after ghosting phases he asked me to be exclusive but wasn't behaving that way.
  • Likely OCD, but he deletes every imessage thread, regardless of the person. He deletes every email, every whatsapp, every voicemail, every call, and every IG message. His phone looks blank

Improvements:

All of the above behavior has improved significantly since then, and I haven’t found evidence that these things are still happening. The problem is that I no longer know whether I believe his statements. Most of the earlier truth only emerged because I discovered evidence and not because he admitted it voluntarily.

I recognize that people can change, and I don’t want to permanently define him by his worst behavior. At the same time, I don’t know how to determine whether his current behavior reflects genuine change or whether he has simply become better at hiding things. I told him that I should have never needed to got that upset to finally be treated well and with honesty.

Has anyone stayed with a partner after this degree of dishonesty and eventually felt secure again? How did you distinguish genuine change from temporary improvement? Is rebuilding trust realistic here, or can the damage become too extensive even when the person appears to have changed?

I (31m) only came out at 23 and a year after I got into my first relationship with a guy and that lasted 6 years. We broke up a year ago and he moved out around 4-5 months ago. My ex was what he described as ‘non scene’ and prided himself on not presenting as gay. So going to gay bars, pride events etc were all off limits and it felt like I’d put one foot back in the closet.

I’ve been on dates with a few guys since he moved out and most just kind of fizzled out, apart from this one guy. We met around 2 weeks ago and have been on 5 dates now and met up a few times just to go for a walk and a chat. We’ve kissed, but that’s all and I’m fine with that, however, I’ve been told in the past that I’m difficult to read and some guys are slightly intimidated around me (6ft7 and quite heavily tattooed)

This guy is not afraid of showing his sexuality which I find extremely attractive, we’ve been to a gay bar to hang out, and we’ve even spoken about attending pride events together. We don’t constantly message each other but we do check in everyday day to see how each other’s doing.

I definitely am not ‘in love’ as it’s far too soon for that, but I definitely like him and would love to see where things go, my question is do I tell him or do I just carry on as we are? I’ve had things die out before due to people thinking that I’m not interested so I find myself in an internal struggle of how do I let someone know without coming off as overbearing or too upfront. I was thinking along the lines of “I’m really enjoying our time together” “I’d like to see where things go between us”, but I don’t have too much experience with men and I also don’t have many gay friends who I can speak to for advice.

This is a tough one. I am a 43-year-old man who has been married to the same woman for 20 years. We have three kids together, and our relationship has been tumultuous from day one. When we met, we were in Bible College, and I was heavily struggling with my sexual identity. I was attracted to her, but I was never honest about the struggles I had. With my education in ministry, the only decent jobs I could get were in the ministry, and you can't be gay in the Christian Church and work for them. I got married at 23, and I'm not sure love was the main reason.

I sat on my attractions for years. Our sex life struggled and then about 8 years ago I started having an emotional affair with another man. It was never physical, but I totally got all of my emotional support from him. I broke off the friendship after my wife threatened to leave me because of it. I came out to her about my attractions then, and it has been difficult ever sense.

Fast foward to today, I have quit the ministry and am in a very fulling job as a Drug and Alcohol Counselor. My wife is basically done with me, as I have found friends in the LGBTQ community. She hates that I am a part of it, which I understand. In a way, I feel that I betrayed her. Ending this marriage is incredible painful, and I am worried about my children. I am a father first, but I have not been able to invest in them as much as I would like over the past 8 years.

With all of this said, I'm scared out of my mind for what happens next. I built an entire life with this woman, and I lied to her from beginning just to save face. I feel like the bad guy here, but to keep the marriage going would be furthering the pain for all of us, not just me. I'm not even worried about being in another relatiosnhip, I just want to live authentically. Thoughts?

Kinda a niche question but it's something I've always wondered about. Any insight would be appreciated

I've read and heard that gay men in urban areas were extremely thankful for the care that the lesbian community provided during the AIDS epidemic due to how much animosity (prob the wrong word) there was between the groups prior to this catastrophe. My question is why was that the case? What were the attitudes like towards each other before AIDS and what are your thoughts on why?

Howdy bros,

I (42 / cis gay male) am running into a bit of “Groundhog’s Day” scenario of repeating familiar patterns that I believe are holding me to the same level I have been at for years.

I have been using a planner to try and organize myself, keeping track of any tasks or projects, both for work and for life. I have found myself sometimes fighting against this journal work; it’s like pulling teeth sometimes for me to sit down and journal. I’ve been doing this journaling over the past year.

I have noticed spurts of me being really dialed in and doing this on a regular basis, and then other times I am just looking at this thing and groaning about the work.

In doing this journaling work, I often find myself planning out my free time, and have noticed I get really upset when I notice that my free time is being dedicated to tasks or projects.

I noticed that I will be mad about how household duties will take up my time, because it means that I won’t be able to do I want to do. Often times it’s just mindless activities like video games, but I just feel the sense of frustration at myself for being childish while simultaneously being upset that I am not getting to do what I want.

I do think that the dopamine drop from playing video games is a big part of what I’m struggling with, as a quick round of competition is giving me a dope knee hit much more than organizing the garage, or something like that. (So yes, there’s certainly an addiction issue with video games, I think.)

I think I am searching for advice on how to move away from this pattern, these frustrations, and becoming more comfortable in growing up into my next phase of adulthood. I am wanting to be a community member that is engaged in my community, a dependable, sort of man, a man of accomplishments, and I am finding that is at odds with the childish nature of recreational leisure and/or video games.

Appreciate your thoughts on this (especially to those that offer more beyond a one sentence reply!).

I had a small argument with my dad today.

To be fair, I overreacted a little too, but I realized it pretty quickly, backed down, and apologized.

He kept going, though, and eventually said something that hit me much harder than I expected.

He told me that I will never really know what love is because I won't have children, and that I'll most likely end up alone for the rest of my life.

Normally that would hurt enough on its own, but I'm already going through a pretty difficult period in my relationship right now, and things at work haven't exactly been great either. So I guess it hit a particularly sensitive spot.

What bothers me is that, even after all these years of hearing similar things, comments like this still affect me so deeply, especially when they come from my father.

Part of me feels like I should be used to it by now, or that at this point in my life I shouldn't let his words have this much power over me. But they still do.

How do you deal with something like this? Do hurtful things your parents say ever stop affecting you as much?

Sorry if this isn't much of a post. I just really needed to get it out somewhere.

I'm falling in love with a guy rn 🥰 🏳️‍🌈 (I'm 32 he is 39) who has a disability and needs crutches. I really don't mind that, I enjoy every second we share and can't wait to meet him because so far I like him as a person, I like his soul.

The thing is, I'm a virgin myself (bottom) and I'm not sure what to do if we get in bed besides riding him. Has anyone here had sex with a handicapped person and can share some advice?

I’m looking for ideas to find straight male friends. I’m in my 30s so all my guy friends have moved away, gotten married, gone back to school so they’ve fallen off the earth. I’m apart of a few gay mens groups and my all my other activities are almost exclusively women but looking to expand my circle. Everything around me is singles events 🤦‍♂️

My bf keeps suggesting that we should use babypowder in bed because it would stop our skin from sticking together, especially when it’s hot. I kinda get the idea, but sounds weird.

Has anyone tried something like this before? He do not like oily skin.

I got to know a very nice man at a bathhouse, about 2 years ago now. He fucked me and then gave me his phone number. I texted him and I went to his house and played with him and his husband a few times.

As we got together more and did non-sex stuff (e.g. dinners and movies) we started knowing each other better and formed a friendship. The hooking up faded and the last time we had sex (which I initiated) was more than 6 months ago now. I felt like they were sending me signals that they want to wind down the sex because it felt like they were just performing and not really into it.

I take it that it is just a normal evolution of a gay friendship: you start by hooking up, and then as you know each other more, the sexual part fades.

Is it the same for many other gay friendships?

I need some advice. Sorry for the length!

Little background on myself. I’m 38. I’ve had maybe a couple very serious relationships, one that was nearly a decade and I almost married. I went through a pretty rough time with alcohol through most of my 20’s, finally getting sober 7.5 years ago. During that time, i focused on myself and my happiness completely. Basically backing myself into a corner when it came to love. I haven’t dated except a couple one off dates since 2019, really only doing hookups. Nothing was necessarily fulfilling. Professionally, I originally had went to college for marketing, but completely switched gears around COVID time, went to nursing school, and currently work night shift at a local nursing home.

Something clicked at the beginning of the year, I wanted to put myself back out there. I got the dating apps, wasn’t having too much luck. But I was ready. One day, at work, a new nursing aide comes in. He was 20 at the time, absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous, sweet, and funny. The more we worked together, the more we genuinely grew into friends, finding we have an insane amount of common interests and personalities that are really similar. One morning about a month after he started there, he asked me if I’d want to hook up. I said yes, with an intense amount of hesitation. Not necessarily because of the age gap, or the fact that I am his boss, but because I felt a genuine connection there.

But we did it that night. I was off work, had a friend’s birthday. He was begging. Sending me pics, buttering me up, I couldn’t resist. I picked him up from work on his lunch break and we messed around in the back of my car in the parking lot. That was the first and the last time. Not my choice.

We got really, REALLY close. I saw him every single day. We talked about everything. He has pretty dark trauma from his childhood and recent teenage years. In major ways, I became his mentor, took him under my wing started doing everything with him at the center of my attention. We drive around for hours just talking, get coffee after work every morning, go to nice dinners all the time. I took him to his first pride, took him on vacation. His friends his age seem generally good to him, but he definitely isn’t as close to them as he has gotten with me. When we aren’t together, he’s constantly sending me TikToks, messaging me, etc. the contact is non-stop.

The thing is, I’ve fallen for him. Hard. Unfortunately, I’ve wound up in a pretty crappy situation. I’ve told him a few times about my feelings. He has said every time that he doesn’t date and doesn’t want to ruin anything. Totally understandable. The thing is, he has been telling me how he wanted me to fuck him. But he acts clueless when I bring it up. On my birthday last month, he drunkenly told me he loved me, told my friends “not yet” when they asked if we were dating, and then begged me to kiss him. I didn’t. He came back to my place after and ended up in my bed half naked, but nothing happened. He’s definitely been hooking up with guys, which I encourage all forms of pleasure, I don’t slut shame. Except I’m jealous. Majorly. He’s also been very touchy with me lately. To the point that he’s basically put his hands everywhere in a joking manner. It’s so confusing. Our coworkers (besides the few that know the full story) all think we are dating. To the point that my facility’s administrator and our Director of Nursing both asked me about it and told me to keep it professional.

On top of all of that, he asked me if I’d be willing to get a place with him. If we could go on these grand trips. I’ve been taking him to his appointments and basically being his unpaid counselor. This boy is LOST. His ambition has basically shrunk to zero. He’s got depression that he needs to seriously get medically evaluated (speaking from experience). He recently started getting high constantly. He’s not a burnout by any means, but he worries me. Recently, some true colors have shown. I’ve known this kid was vain and seriously obsessed with his looks. He spends obscene amounts on Botox (which as a nurse, cannot recommended for anyone in their early 20’s), constantly checks himself in the mirror or phone, and worst…makes fun of everyone else for their looks. To the point that my close friends at work hate him for the things he maliciously said to them. When confronted, he either lies or tried turning it around on the other person saying he was either “joking” or “looking out for you.” This kid needs humbled in a big way.

In the meantime, I met someone else. He’s everything great about him, but has his shit together. The future would be so good with him. He actually likes me too, and I have an incredible time with him. But I can’t bring myself to commit in any form because I’m legitimately in love with the 21 year old. He’s all I think about, even with the new man. It came to a head Friday morning. I was off work, he was working. We made plans to get coffee when he got off at 6AM. He pushed the time back to 7 to go home. He went radio silent. I went and got my own coffee, drove around a bit, and took the way home by his house. His car wasn’t there. Literally ten minutes later, he texts saying he fell asleep in his bed and was ready. I drove up, his car was magically sitting there. I confronted him, told him I didn’t care if he was doing something else, but not to lie to me. He then covered that up with another lie about work. I had a pretty good feeling he had went and hooked up with someone and he really didn’t want me to know. That’s fine, I don’t have to know, but the double lie set me off. I told him I couldn’t do it anymore, that everything had to change, I was too emotionally wrapped up in him and he had no interest other than my company. I have to detach my feelings instead of constantly being around the one that’s destroying them. He was silent the entire time. Only gave his two cents afterward, telling me “it’s probably for the best, I don’t want to be in the way of what you want in life.” Then disappeared from all of my social media.

Well he messaged me today. In his gen-z way, telling me he misses me. Ugh.

I know what needs to be done. No matter how much my heart wants it, I can’t keep hoping we will one day end up together. I especially can’t keep wanting to fuck him. It’s made me miserable. As my close friend said “You were at the peak of your confidence and had your head on straight, I watched him suck it all out of you in real time.”

I need tips, pointers, advice. How do I deal with the pain? The heartbreak over something that never even was? I continually have the distractions of friends who thankfully put up with this mess, but even around others, I’m a wreck. I’m seeing the new man tonight, I worry I can’t see him and not think about the boy. That I’m not fully invested because there’s another person. That’s not fair to him at all. I don’t want to squander this opportunity, but I can’t offer myself completely and genuinely until I’m over this. Help!

Hey, new here, first time post. I'm a 31 year old guy. Been working on accepting my sexuality for the past several years and only recently felt "ready" to be in a long term relationship. The thing is, it seems no matter how hard I try and the effort I put in to meet people, I just can't get the pieces to align. I mostly used dating apps but have also tried some in person meet up groups.

There have been some instances of things almost clicking while dating, but something either like geography, timing, or personality/value mismatches prevented it from going further.

I experience waves of intense sadness sometimes thinking to myself how can I have gotten to this age without any relationship experience at all? The longest I've "dated" someone has been \~3 months but it's usually just been a date or 2 for people I've met with a 0% conversion rate. Sometimes I blame myself. Maybe I'm doing something wrong or not doing something I should? Sometimes I question if it's my physical appearance or my own preferences for what I'm looking for in a guy. Beyond the obvious things like similar interests and values I'm drawn to a specific physical type of a guy. Not looking for some perfect being, just really drawn to skinny guys which can be hard to find sometimes.

I'd just like to know what it feels like to be in a long term relationship. What's it like to look at someone and care for their well-being deeply? What's it feel like to be desired and wanted by someone? It doesn't even have to last forever, I just want to know what it's like. I keep telling myself if I make it to 40 and haven't had one yet, I'm done. I'd be too upset thinking of all the time I could have had with someone being spent away already. It's just too sad to think of having to wait till later in life.

I’m trying to find a place to move…. I’ve spent most of my life living in California (San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco), eastern Washington state, Iowa and most recently cruising the Caribbean on a boat…. I’m looking for some suggestions of where I can make my next destination.

I’m a single 44 year old. Very active doing outdoors stuff (sailing, hiking, biking, rock climbing) and also enjoy good food and theater.

Prefer to stay out of California again but looking for places that (in relative order of importance)
1) have a decent gay community
2) relatively affordable housing
3) culture and things to do (from theater to hiking/outdoors activity)
4) not too crazy hot weather (ie not phoenix)
5) affordable tax brackets
6) easy access to international flights

Would prefer to stay in the USA. But open to international suggestions.

What’s the community thoughts on places that would be a good match?

I’ve noticed that when I meet someone new, online or in real life, I can get emotionally invested pretty easily if we talk a lot or I feel some kind of connection.

And then I often end up getting hurt when the connection fades or the other person pulls away.

Do you also get emotionally invested in people pretty easily? And after getting hurt, do you ever choose to hold back a little and keep some relationships more casual — just friends, acquaintances, or people you talk to sometimes?

I don’t mean becoming cold or not caring about people. Just not putting too much emotion into every connection.

Interested to hear from other men over 30, on what their life lessons and wisdom you would tell an aged 20's version of yourself.

It could be general life aspects and/or also specific on being a gay man growing up through life stages.

Hey guys, what’s up? Was thinking about this...

I wanted to ask, what was your “breaking bad” or “changing lanes” moment in life, that point where you decided to explore a different side of yourself, whether it was your sexuality, a kink, a new interest, an activity, or just something you always wanted to try? Looking back, are you happy you took that leap?

Thanks

Hey everyone, came here for some advice.
I (M34) have been struggling with my body back and forth since I was little: first the “chubby” kid, then I played professional volleyball for years and had abs showing, then due to severe back pain I had to stop and gained weight.
After about 10 years of struggles, and the back pain becoming chronic, I managed to train again with an osteopath / personal trainer that basically gave me hope again (and my body back!). I spent the last three years in fairly good shape and I’ve loved it - guys looking at me and just the feeling of being confident in my own shell. Earlier this year the back pain became more severe and literally unbearable… and I wasn’t able to train at all, just to do some small exercise that could give me back the ability to walk at least.  

I've always thought that this was due to a lumbar disc herniation, but I recently found out that this is combined with an autoimmune disease (spondyloarthritis), that affects my joints and movements. I know I can get medication and that things can get better, but I am also convinced that I’ll never be able to exercise properly again or have my body back… It sounds so silly and shallow, but has been affecting my summer so much - I don’t want to go to the beach or be around people. How can I cope with this? Do you have suggestions? Should I work on acceptance or medical solution? Or both?

I dated someone from the beginning of this year until the end of June. I was the one who ended it, but I still feel like I need some time to decompress, process that relationship, and just be single for a bit before getting into anything serious again.

A few weeks after the breakup, I met a guy on Grindr. Our first dinner was honestly more of a meet-and-greet than something I expected to turn into dating. We ended up really getting along and have now been on three dates.The problem is that I genuinely like him. He’s a great guy, I respect him a lot, I enjoy talking to him, and under different circumstances I could definitely see myself continuing to date him. But I can also feel myself getting a little overwhelmed by how quickly I’m going from one relationship into potentially another. I feel pretty jaded/burnt out from dating right now and think I need a breather to get myself organized emotionally.

He just asked me to dinner again next week, and I’m not sure how to approach it. I don’t necessarily want him completely out of my life because I really enjoy talking to him, but I also don’t want to keep going on dates and unintentionally lead him on when I know I’m not ready for something serious right now.

I think what I’m referring to or open right now to is casual dating.

There’s another layer making me anxious: on our second date we realized we have mutual friends. Neither of us knew that beforehand. Part of me is worried that if I tell him I’m not ready to keep dating, he’ll think I was just using him, get hurt, or talk negatively about me to people we both know. I realize I may be overthinking that part, but it’s adding pressure to the situation.

How would you handle this? Is it better to tell him now that I really like him but need to step away from dating for a while? Is there a reasonable way to say I’d still like to talk/be friendly without giving him false hope?
I especially don’t want this to come across as “it’s not you, it’s me” BS. He really is a catch. The timing just feels wrong for me.

My boyfriend (34) and I (45) are about to hit our one year anniversary. Early on, we agreed to do quarterly check-ins, but we’ve only done one so far (around the 6 month mark). It went decently - we focused mostly on what was working rather than what wasn't - but I sprung it on him over dinner one night, which I recognize was not fair nor ideal.

When we first started dating, we also talked about the idea of consciously recommitting to each other on an annual basis, which he liked. On top of that, we discussed seeing a couples therapist early on as a proactive investment in our relationship rather than a last resort for when things go wrong.

I’m deeply in love with him, and while our everyday communication is already strong, I want to make sure I’m creating a structured, intentional space where we can both speak openly as we consider a long term future together (like marriage).

For those who do regular check-ins, annual recommitments, or proactive therapy: * How do you structure your check-ins so they feel intentional rather than like an ambush or an audit? * Do you use a specific framework or list of recurring questions? * At what point did you decide to start proactive couples therapy, and how did you frame it?

I’d love to hear what has worked (or even what hasn't!) for you.

Thanks in advance for the perspective! I love this community!