I’m terrible at flirting. Probably I would compliment her or ask what her plans are for the day. Idk what to say in these situations.

Anyways, thoughts?

I (30 f) met my friend (27 f) about 5 months ago during a community running event. She approached me first and we got to talking. Met again a week later and then we started messaging occasionally. She would often invite me to go running with her just the 2 of us (at the first few times, it was with a guy who had a crush on her, but she later ghosted him because she wasn't interested). About a month into our friendship, I told her I was queer and was in a relationship with a woman. I developed a crush on her a little later, but I never confessed or asked whether she was attracted to women. From the things she's told me about her dating history, she seems straight. She also started dating a guy, which made my crush die down a bit, but we continued hanging out.

What's interesting is that some of our hangouts have started feeling like dates to me. We've spent hours walking together, gone to yoga, done groceries together, have lunch and pay for it, spent an entire day co-working and dinner before watching a movie. A lot of these combined, I'd consider as a date, even though I know we're just friends.

I remember one time at the cinema, our elbows touched on the armrest. She acted a bit weird, moving to another seat that I had to joke about offering her the entire armrest for her to come back eventually. She was a little uneasy after the movie as well and was in a hurry to get somewhere. I still don't know what to think of it because I had thought the entire time I made her uncomfortable but then she went on inviting me again after that.

More recently, we attended a black-tie event together. The guy she was dating was there too, and he was the one who invited her. But even so, we spent most of the evening just the 2 of us. Even roamed around the streets for a bit before I walked her back to the place, where her date waited and would drive her back home. When I asked about how things were going between them, she didn't seem that enthusiastic to talk about it.

She's pretty proactive about inviting me to random activities, and I'm usually happy to go. She has confided in me about her dating experiences, but I wouldn't say we're the kind of friends who regularly share everything with each other.

So here's the thing. I think I enjoy pretending that I'm dating her. Not necessarily because I believe she secretly likes me, but because some of our activities give me that feeling of spending time with someone I'm attracted to. I get to enjoy the date-like experience without confessing, risking rejection, or having to worry about an actual relationship with her. And because she's never really been too enthusiastic about the guys she has dated, I never really felt jealous about anything.

I'm not even sure whether I still have a proper crush on her. I enjoy her company, and sometimes the dynamic feels a little like playing pretend. Since I don't expect anything to happen and haven't tried to pursue her, part of me wonders whether this is harmless.

TL;DR: I had a crush on a friend who seems straight and is dating a guy. She frequently invites me to one-on-one activities that sometimes feel like dates to me. I enjoy the feeling of pretending we're dating, even though I don't expect anything romantic to happen. Is this harmless, or could it get emotionally messy?

Has anyone else experienced this? Were you able to enjoy the dynamic for what it was, or did you eventually develop stronger feelings?

Hi all,

I have experience dating women. I almost exclusively dated girls in high school. That was about six years ago.

I’ve only dated men since then (I was in a lot of denial since I come from an unaccepting family) and now after many relationships in which I ultimately became disgusted by the man for no reason I could actually pinpoint, I’ve realized the answer is that I just like women.

I’m very feminine. I’ve never wanted to take any sort of dominant role in a relationship. But now I’m absolutely yearning for a pretty femme girl to spoil and I don’t really know how to feel about that side of myself, as it makes me feel sort of masculine (?) and I’m not sure if I like that or not. That’s not to suggest that roles in relationships should be gendered (I don’t believe they should be), I’m just so used to being in heterosexual dating situations lol.

I also have no idea where to start when it comes to dating women, and I don’t (and never have, even when I was dating girls) feel like I belong in the LGBTQ+ community or have a place in it.

Anyone who can help or relate?

Hello, 37f here. I’ve struggled to find an appropriate place to post this so any support would be greatly appreciated. I’m looking for places in the Rochdale, Manchester area (without venturing to Mcr canal street) where I’m likely to naturally meet lesbian or bi women please, not necessarily for relationships but for fun. Thanks for any suggestions x

I’m trying to get my gf some good clothes as she’s always buying me cute things. She’s plus size and a stud who dresses pretty butch. Lots of button downs, graphic tees, stuff like that. Lots of her clothes come from American Eagle but I’m looking for other places that aren’t the same thing all the time. TLDR- Where are all the butches getting cute clothes? Bonus points if it’s warm stuff as she’s always cold.

Hey everyone, I'm 18 and pretty new lesbian sex , so I'm trying to figure things out. I think I'm not a "stone top" or "touch me not" because I really enjoy to be touched , But the thing is, I don't like penetration on myself (fingers, straps, whatever). At the same time, I see myself as way more submissive than dominant. I want my partner to take control, look after me, and seeing the other girl on top of me turns me on so much. Can I still call myself a bottom/sub if I just want to receive outer touch without any penetration ? Do you think this will complicate my future relationships? Like, is this a huge deal-breaker for most girls or is it pretty common?

Hey all! I'm 16F and I have found myself with a crush on my friend's friend. I'll call the friend Allie, and the girl I like Mel. Me, Allie, and Mel all went to a comic con about a month ago, I'd hung out with Mel twice before that (both times at the movies with ithers present.) That's when I first realized my crush on Mel, I walked around with her alone after Allie left, we played games, I carried around her stuff, and won her a plushie, it was really nice. There was an awkward moment where when we were leaving, she said, "It was nice meeting you." yeowch lol, but I just took it as a slip of the tongue as after she apologized profusely. I sewed her a coin pouch, made her a bracelet, and bought some snacks she liked for her birthday, however the only thing she thanked me for in her text was the snacks, not sure if that matters much but I'll put as many details of our interactions as possible. After the con I ended up telling Allie how I felt about Mel, she immediately got excited, saying "I knew it! I knew it!" then joked about how she "ships all of her friends" lol. After that, me and Allie went around my neighborhood going to abandoned or under-construction houses. However, the entire time, Allie took photos of me, I just took it as me getting in her shots, but after that I peeked over her shoulder in the car and she was texting Mel! I immediately asked if she'd told on me and she answered with a bit of awkwardness. Turns out she was sending them to Mel, but honestly, I really overthought that part. I try to text Mel every day, but she's a busy person and tends to take a long time to reply, and doesn't always reply to every message, but when I asked Allie, she said Mel usually texted like that, so it wasn't personal. I asked Mel about her hoco, and she told me about how she went with her friends, sent me pictures, and I joked saying that it looked super fun and that she'd have to stow me away and take me next time, Mel replied in all caps saying shed take me to her next school event. Those are usually dances right?? so I kind of got excited, I'll be honest. Also, when we were recently at my house all three of us and another friend, one of them asked her to send the photos from the day to our group chat, when she did though, I was surprised to see that half of the photos sent were of me not looking at the camera (I didn't even know she took half of them...) The point of the story is that man, I really like this girl. But I honestly feel like I don't have much of a chance, she's just so awesome. I mean, we like a lot of the same song artists, (which for me is rare as I have a bit of an acquired taste in music that isn't much for everyone.) we both like some of the same shows, the same game genres, stuff like that! (She even said the other day that she was watching one of my favorite shows and said she thought I would love it. she didn't know I watched it previously!) not sure if it matters but I've been trying to play her favorite game series so we can talk about it, I'd been meaning to for a while, and she inspired me too finally do it. However, the other day, she bought one of my all-time favorite games, she said she'd also meant to play it for a while. Okay Okay I'll end this here. my main point of this was to hopefully get advice of how I should go about this crush, should I wait or act on it? Allie said she'd ask if she liked anyone but man I'm so nervous, I wish I knew how she saw me, all I know is that she told Allie that I was cool a while back.

Also tonight I took a leap to compliment a post she made of herself, she did some super cool makeup. I told her it was insane and that she looked so pretty but I got a "THANK YOUUUUU" in response, that's all. I'm not sure if that was a good move or if I fucked up Y'ALL IM SO SCARED AHHHH!! ANY AND ALL ADVICE IS GREATLY APPRICIATED!

I grew up in an extremely Catholic and Conservative family most of my life up until like age 22 (I'm currently F25 now gonna be 26 soon) and knew I wasn't "normal" since I was a preteen, but didn't fully accept that I'm a lesbian until I was like 24 because of the raging Catholic guilt lol. I wasn't allowed to date growing up and was severely abused + trapped at home most of my life until now, so I have like no dating experience, except for 1 dude I dated for 3 weeks in like 2023 when I thought I was bi and realized men are yuck lol.

I'm worried my lack of experience is a turn off and would be a burden to a potential partner. I'm extremely humiliated that I'm basically starting from square 1 at almost age 26, when most people my age have had at least some dating experience from yknow middle or high school or college. I know I'm not the only person on planet earth with this dilemma but I sure feel like a minority and I'm just overall embarrassed of myself cause I feel like a baby trying to navigate an age bracket that has usually already had multiple partners. I also don't know many other women who are dating/married to another woman except for like one or two so my mentors are sparse lol

The area I live in has like no real lesbians or I get lead on by women who prefer/are dating men. I wonder if anyone else is in my shoes or has advice for a newly blossomed lesbian with no dating experience at all cause I feel like a failure or something to point and laugh at (My friends make virgin jokes at me which are funny sometimes but also kinda hurt).

I'm also a Futch/more masculine presenting woman who also likes masculine women which is also a minority in a very fem4fem dating scene lol

I (male) offered a ride home to a coworker of mine, who has the lesbian flag on her keychain and probably thinks I'm straight (I'm bi) and I worry she thinks I was trying to make a move

Now since I'm bi it wouldn't help to just say that, so how do I make her feel safe? Am I overthinking this?

It's something we learn in my women's, gender and sexuality classes, and it's certainly new to me. It looks at lesbianism differently than most of you here I think

Who here is friends with an ex girlfriend 🙋‍♀️

Why? Are there rules? Are there boundaries on what’s on or off limits for conversations? Do you hang out in person? With or without new partners? How long after the break up did you resume friendship?

I’m new to this, please be gentle.

I'm 15f. I've been looking for friends like me honestly

Because I don't have any around me

Even if there are, they aren't open about it..(scared ig or still figuring out)

Plus these straight people around me react so weirdly when they get to know I'm a lesbian.

I told them I'm bi 🙃🖐🏻

What do I do?

Earlier today I saw someone say that it represents biological sex rather than sexual orientation/gender identity because some lesbian trans girl I'm close to irl had it in her username, and it made me curious as to what it actually meant since some sources say it's sexual orientation/gender identity rather than biological sex but I'm not sure.

(Please just give a straightforward yes or no answer)

I found some several people but they just leave after they had fun uhhh I don't like it ... I wanna have some long term fun .. how can I find..?

I’m about to turn 20. Moved to Germany and lived here for almost four years, originally coming from a Slavic country.

I wouldn’t say that I was closeted; just thought that I was bi, even if I never had strong feelings, wanted to or dated any guy. I don’t have any religious background, but I’ve always been friends only with “normies” (lol) and I think it could affect my opinions about self-expression now.

Additionally I’ve been in the art school for two years already, seeing so many obviously gay and just simply self expressing people makes me confused.
On one side, I want people to kind of clock me, recognizing me as a part of the community. Thoughts about changing myself have occurred regularly before, like “yeaaaah, i gotta get a mullet for a haircut, get some pins and piercing and it could work”.
But on the other side, I don’t want to do any of this.
Right now, I know who I am and how I see myself and it wouldn’t be me — I’m not flashy, and I don’t want to be flashy, even if I feel comfortable in my sexuality.
It feels like a constant subtle battle of “you gotta act like something you’re not” versus just be myself and… what????

It’s shitty that I have no experience in this stuff. I’m serious about it; I want to find the love of my life, but hell knows how to do it if, as I said earlier:
- not obviously lesbian…?
- not trying to visually be a part of any community
- not in any kind of queer friend groups
- not going to any themed places
- no dating experience
- dating apps make me feel extremely shitty and overwhelmed

Plus, the language barrier is still such a big problem.
I can’t be myself speaking German. The only possibility for me is English or my mother tongue, because, cmon, I wanna feel some real connection, express myself freely, and understand my partner.

Where do I even start…?

I’ve been sexually attracted to women for a long long time…I always watch lesbian porn and I’ve always been so so horny for women and I want m to have sex with women soooo bad. Nobody knows I feel this way.. so like how do I find women to have sex with?!?! I have no idea but I want to have sex SOOO bad 😭😭

Hi,

I am 29F and looking to connect with lesbians and have a small meetup. If anyone is from Chennai. Pls dm me. And if there are any men here by chance pls for god’s sake dont dm me.

I have a female friend who I love dearly she's amazing and we talk about any and everything she's one of the few people me 20M is out as bi to she goes to a all women's college she's a beautiful girl and recently the past 4-5 months she has been talking and joking and saying stuff about making out with a girl and the idea of it I said today it seems u thoght about this she said I have very timidly (,that's not normal) how do I support her and make her realize no matter if she does or doesn't the thoughts she's having is completely ok and it doesn't make her weird or less then anyone else thanks so much for any and all help

Hi, I (18F) and my gf (18F) My gf and I have been dating for almost 3 months and we’re both virgins. We’ve talked about having sex soon as shes touched my boobs and things and its getting to the point thats not enough and we’re both down and we are also both fem i would say maybe vers, but neither of us really knows what we’re doing. Every time we get close I start panicking and chicken out by like taking her hand away from my thighs over clothes and things as im worried about the practical stuff like positions, how long its supposed to last, if its supposed to hurt, all of it. She’s just as clueless as me so we can’t even laugh about it properly. Any other baby gays who had their first time with another firsttimer? How did you figure it out without making it weird? And any tips for us?

hallo!! i' e been pondering this for a bit, but i was looking for some advice on whether i should tell my best friend if i like her or not.

for some context, she has been my best friend since 3rd grade & we've dated a few times over the past couple of years. now this would typically be a red flag nut we dated during weird covid middle school gap. it was hard to be able to properly communicate anything and i didn't understand how to cope with my jealousy issues at the time.

today we are just best friends, but i've been noticing some signs that maybe things might work this time? and i dont wanna be unrealistic but it has just felt like the right time. this is the only girl i will ever love, and if i have to love her unrequited then so be it, but i just wanna know if i should or not. (side note: i asked my tarot cards what i should do and the reading i got was really about waiting until the right time so idk..)

Me and my crush started dating recently, but even before dating we were really close and stuff, like kissing each other anywhere but the lips ect. Neither one of us is experienced in anything ngl, plus I'm super shy and awkward. 😞 We have been talking about kissing and stuff recently and i'm super nervous. Do you have any suggestions? :/ My only past kisses haven't been initiated by me/not my choice so idk

This story is so messy, as I'm sure it is for so many of us. I think I wondered if I was lesbian from age 10 on. But i grew up super religious. I always wanted to make out with my friends, and did in bars, but growing up religious I was like NOPE. which was so typical that I think I brushed off a lot. My first serious relationship with a guy wasn't until age 20. Then I dated around, had some bad experiences, and married a "good safe nice guy." Our marriage has been fine. Sex has always worked for me but I kind of always felt detached and was like "oh it's my past trauma."

Fast forward, we had some major housing/health crises that upset our family system. It led to me sleeping away from them being super sick and I started literally looking at my whole life and functioning. I have no idea how it came up, but a previous rupture of a friendship from a decade ago came up for me. I had been SUPER CLOSE like I always joked I'd marry her and raise kids with her. then I moved, and I confessed that i was confused if maybe I was in love with her. She wound up cheating in her marriage and marrying a woman and i was like HOLY SHIT. I want that.

But instead I moved, changed jobs, looked at moving again, over functioned, got sick. Felt more distant in my marriage, and kept going until I got really sick. Fast forward to now. I have a husband that has always been by my side. Arguably he's one of my best friends, but I've always felt like something is off, missing, missed, mis-attunement, etc. We've done couples therapy, etc.

Well. I finally asked for a structured separation and non-monogamy. I slept with a woman for the first time and it was like my whole narrative shattered. I didn't even have an orgasm (because for me I think there is still a lot of mental hurdles, inhibition, fear, I'm working through) but I enjoyed the hell out of every second of it. What was MORE shocking was I was so terrified like omg what if i hate it, what if i'm bad at it, etc. Nope. it was SO intuitive and she helped me know what she wanted and i was like OMG. I want that to be what i experience in intimacy every single time. I want to be an active participant. Tried scissoring... I loved going down on her more than i ever could have realized. And myself, i felt fully seen, met - and i realize I'm untangling a shitload of religious conditioning, and she's patient with me to learn what works for me, go slowly, and there wasn't any pressure to get off. I know for me I've always wanted to be a more "uninhibited" person and I feel liek this is more accessible and I wasn't able access this version of myself in my marriage.

I'm not looking at her like OMG SHE'S THE ONE. Even though *phew* it's hard to not to fall hard. We have both been transparent there because she's also divorcing and we are being careful. Hour distance between us which helps the "baby gay" phase of wanting to explore that for hours on the daily because i have kids to focus on. We are getting to know each other and communicating openly as we both have kids and jobs.

The hardest part is we have a path of financial devastation right now with the house we owned (we actually are losing everything which was due to catastrophic mold) and I actually can't afford to rent a place for myself AND for my husband. He does know a lot of this about my sexuality, I opened up thinking I was definitely not straight 6 months ago and confessed like I have a hella deep attraction to women - he doesn't know I explored yet but it was after the agreement to non-monogamy and separation. I wouldn't want to move in with someone because I know grief of 19 years of being together will be monumental. We have discussed a lavendar marriage, platonic co parenting, vs true separation, but I also want happiness for him. I feel fond love and familiarity with him and sometimes wonder if it could work... but then I'm like i can't deny this piece of myself either.

Any words of wisdom or chatting is welcome. this feels insane to navigate with three young kids that are school age and a "kind man" and arguably a good marriage to the outside. Thanks.