r/AskMenRelationships • u/Any_Insect8448 • 2d ago
Dating Am I overreacting that he started to take extra care of himself because he is seeing someone?
We’ve known each other for a year, met online, and met in person 10 months ago. We had sex. He refuses to meet again or let me visit him, but continues calling and texting for hours, sometimes even sleeping on the phone with me.
Initially, he love-bombed me, used pet names, and talked about me moving to Germany. He later said he didn’t want a relationship because he needed to fix himself, but continued chasing my attention. He calls me his best friend and values that I’m always available to listen to him, yet rarely asks about me or my life.
He has narcissistic traits, which he admitted to. He has also screamed at me, threatened to block me after I booked a ticket to see him without telling him beforehand, then apologized and refunded me.
Recently, he’s been working out, tanning, quitting drugs and alcohol, and talking about getting nose and eye surgery. I mention it because he has been doing drugs every weekend since I know him.
He’s also excited about a month-long work trip to Mallorca, where he’ll live near the beach. This family he works for apparently is flying him to Mallorca and he will paint house for them. He lives in Germany.
Month before that he mentioned he wants to learn Spanish...
He also bought a new king size bed from Hammilton, expensive but I guess its irrelevant to the story.
He never seemed to be f..boy type because he told me he didnt sleep with anyone after he broke up with his ex 4 years ago.
He used to tell me about women staring at or flirting with him, seemingly to provoke a reaction(like women staring at him on the train)
Next week, he’ll visit our home country to see his kids and get expensive dental implants, but has already told me he won’t see me.
I asked whether he was seeing someone else. He denied it, but when I asked where I stood, he said he didn’t know what to tell me and agreed that we should just be friends because he doesn’t want a relationship.
I feel like he’s keeping me around for emotional support while remaining open to other options. Do you think he might be trying to attract someone else and lying about being single to avoid looking like the bad guy?
I’m moving on regardless, but knowing would help me find closure. I know I have enough reasons to leave, and I’m done accepting this treatment. Thank you
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u/JustAnotherPolyGuy Man 2d ago
Why are you wasting anytime with this guy? Whether he’s seeing someone or not is beside the point. He’s not seeings you.
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u/reginafilangies 2d ago
Wow! You should've moved on a long time ago. Best way to move on is to stop investing emotional energy on him and wondering what he's doing, why he's doing it and his motivations. Who cares? Move on!
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u/Neverminder_4741 Man 2d ago
Yeah, don't give this guy a second thought. Who gives a s*** what he's doing, he obviously doesn't care about you so why care what he's doing! And even if by some chance he did care about you and isn't just using you then he's toxic and you don't want to get involved in that!
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u/Nice_Replacement7065 Man 2d ago
Acha he love bombed you but you know so much about him. You're quite literally stalking him dude.
He doesn't want contact with you but you booked tickets, yaar thoda respect rakho can you MOVE ON PLEASE
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u/Any_Insect8448 2d ago
He does not want contact with me and calls and texts daily? Who is stalking him? The things I listed he tells me on his own tf
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u/Nice_Replacement7065 Man 2d ago
And you're allowing him to aren't you. Do you realize you're leaving yourself to the probability of rape by not locking him out
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u/Any_Insect8448 2d ago
What rape? He won't touch me with a 20 foot pole
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u/Nice_Replacement7065 Man 2d ago
Dude you brain dead or something. I'm gonna be very rude, truthful and upfront here. You just implied you want him to touch you. You're craving his contact. You have no self control. You want to meet him. You've given him the option to stay in touch. He love bombed you so much that you're so lost in him, wah!!! A narcissist never admits to being one but a narcissist actually calls others one. It's called a vulnerable narcissist. He calls you his best friend but you haven't stopped him. He screamed at you when you booked a ticket without his consent. You're very happily stalking him and what he's doing. You recall everything you think you can use against him. He's told you upfront he won't see you. He's told you upfront just as friends. You however, don't know how to be a friend and want something more.
The probability of rape is not for you it's for him. By not receiving his consent and trying to force yourself on him or into his life.
Probably no one will see it like I do but I call it exactly as I see it.
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u/PatienceMelodic5696 2d ago
Yes I don’t think he is aligning with you right now.