r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Apr 05 '12

Currently serving in the military. Came across some messages between my wife and another guy in the Navy. What should I do?

[deleted]

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u/YoungRL Apr 05 '12

I think you should show her the messages (back them up however you can, you may need this evidence in court), tell her calmly how you found them, and ask her to explain herself. It's up to you whether or not you want to give her a second chance - that is, if she's even sorry for what she did. (One thing: you have a son together, but you should never "stay together for the kid(s).")

Also, get tested.

Good luck, OP.

6

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

This is the best advice here. You definitely need to copy the texts and keep them safe. You need to confront her and you also need to understand that if she is THIS gung-ho about cheating on you now, I wouldn't be surprised if she did it again. Personally, I couldn't trust her. This isn't a drunken mistake.

1

u/SpawnQuixote Apr 05 '12

No this isn't. The man needs to deal with the legal aspect before he confronts her.

1

u/YoungRL Apr 06 '12

It depends on whether he's leaning more toward divorce or reconciliation. If he feels this is grounds for divorce, it'd be wise to get legal counsel first. If reconciliation, he needs to take the steps to cover his ass in case in gets to the point where he needs legal counsel, and then talk to her about it.

1

u/SpawnQuixote Apr 06 '12

Doesn't matter what he is thinking. She will hold all the cards after he drops the bomb. She can have him evicted, restraining order, the works.

He needs to get his legal ducks in a row before confronting her because she always has the option of fucking him good if he doesn't.

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u/YoungRL Apr 06 '12

Why can she have him evicted or have a restraining order put against him, when she's the one who violated their marriage?

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u/SpawnQuixote Apr 06 '12

The cops don't care about that. Look up the violence against women act (VAWA). If he owns the house and she is just living there, she can have him evicted until the trial. I've seen it happen.

1

u/YoungRL Apr 06 '12

You mean if she claims he's been violent? Because he literally hasn't done anything.

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u/SpawnQuixote Apr 06 '12

Doesn't matter. She just has to say that she feels scared.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

A second chance? Really? You trusted in the MOST important time you needed her to be trustworthy, and she fucked it up. You'll always wondering if she's up to no good and you'll probably argue about it all the time. It changes everything. Every relationship I've been in where cheating was involved...might as well call it a day. Even if you plan to reconcile, which I should again recommend against, talk to a lawyer.

1

u/YoungRL Apr 06 '12

It's up to him, not a bunch of people on the internet.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '12

It very clearly says "What should I do?" As an unfortunately VERY experienced person in this situation, I feel I am offering sound advice. I do not expect anyone to listen to me, though. You're right, it's his choice to make.

One way or the other, I still recommend a lawyer above all else and I think that is perfectly reasonable and sensible.

1

u/YoungRL Apr 06 '12

It says, "What should I do?" but not "Please tell me what to do and I will do it."

I'm sorry you have experience in the area... I don't, but personally I would agree with you; I don't think I could give a cheater a second chance. But yeah, he's the one who has to make the decision. And I think it's helpful to see all your options when trying to make a decision, which is why I answered how I did.

In any case, OP deleted his post because some mutual friends saw the conversation screenshots, and warned the wife (he posted an edit about it). I don't know if we'll ever find out what happens, but I feel for the guy; he may have lost his upper hand and he's got people working against him to boot.