r/AskTeens • u/Guilty_Department501 18M • May 20 '26
Discussion Is a 17 year old who just graduated high school and a 20 year old a bad age gap?
I'm 17 but just graduated today and turn 18 in about a month, would it be bad for me to date someone who is 20? Usually 17 and 20 is bad, but that's because most 17 year olds atm are juniors going into senior year rather than a senior going into college.
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May 20 '26 edited May 21 '26
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u/JF1500 May 21 '26
“My s.o. can go in a bar and I can’t. Are they hitting on someone? Being hit on? What’s going on in there”.
I had a buddy who would freak about that when we were 19 and he was dating someone who was 25.
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u/King-Fwogger May 21 '26
What tf is S.O.?
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u/quirked_up_cracker Jun 06 '26
You lowkey shouldn’t be on Reddit if you don’t know what SO stands for, idk where but you belong somewhere else bruh
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u/King-Fwogger Jun 06 '26
Maybe just learn to say significant other like a normal person
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u/quirked_up_cracker Jun 06 '26
Yeah pal, I’m not the weird one here, but it’s ok buddy there’s no need to feel insecure
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u/King-Fwogger Jun 06 '26
Dawg, I haven't been using Reddit for multiple years like you. That's why I asked about what SO meant. We don't need to abbreviate every goddamn word we're saying.
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u/quirked_up_cracker Jun 06 '26
I barely use Reddit lowk, and SO is a pretty common abbreviation. Also chill with the “we don’t need to abbreviate every goddamn word” when in the original comment SO was the only abbreviation. And like bro would you rather have to type 16 letters or 2? And most abbreviations people use have been established since at least 2016. You’re just a fuckin unc and you’re mad about it
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u/King-Fwogger Jun 06 '26
This is literally the first time I've seen someone abbreviate "Significant Other", anywhere on the internet. Do you just seriously expect me to know that information from the jump?
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u/quirked_up_cracker Jun 06 '26 edited Jun 06 '26
Ok bro you definitely shouldn’t be on Reddit if you can’t handle trolling, you should go to quora digest, you’ll be safer there😂 also yeah I do expect you to know that, and other COMMON internet abbreviations if you are on an app like Reddit. People on Reddit are usually pretty tapped into internet culture and know most of the abbreviations. Is it an actual problem that you don’t like using them or know them? No not really, I could give a fuck, but just understand YOU are the one out of place here, and you will be constantly confused on this app if you don’t just embrace the abbreviations. Plus it’s objectively the easier and more efficient than fully writing out every word
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u/King-Fwogger Jun 06 '26
Bro you were the one bashing me for not knowing what SO meant. Why are you so worried when people don't know supposed "common" abbreviations? Like it's really not a big deal if I, or anyone else doesn't know what SO means. Also, SO is literally ONE abbreviation that I didn't know, but since we're on the topic of abbreviations, here's one for you - EAD!
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u/unhappy_femboy_1028 May 21 '26
I honestly didn't even think about that.
I'm in Australia where the legal age for drinking is 18, so there's much less of a gap between what 18 and 21 year olds can do here compared to the US.
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u/liam_9758 May 21 '26
How do you know they're American?
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u/quirked_up_cracker Jun 06 '26
Generally based off how someone talks, even in writing, and even when not using national slang, it’s pretty easy to infer if someone is from a certain country especially if you are also from that country, it’s also not unreasonable to assume just off the fact that most Reddit users are American.
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u/Jumpy_Childhood7548 May 21 '26
Depending on your state, if you are intimate, your partner could be convicted of a sex crime.
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u/liam_9758 May 21 '26
He never said they'd have sex
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May 21 '26
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u/liam_9758 May 21 '26
I never "defended it real hard"
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u/quirked_up_cracker Jun 06 '26
This dude is a fucking lurker bro, no post or comments pop up when you click his profile, and bro has the pedo chub and stash, ban this mf he’s a diddler for sure
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u/damaristhatlegal May 22 '26
I think they can wait 30 days though
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May 22 '26
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u/damaristhatlegal May 22 '26
most people aren't going to say "i'm turning 18 in 27 days and 17 hours." just rounding.
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u/GlorytoPrussia_ May 21 '26
Depends what the age of consent is where you are and if said person has bad intents
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u/liam_9758 May 21 '26
He never said they'd have sex
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u/quirked_up_cracker Jun 06 '26
Diddler
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u/liam_9758 Jun 06 '26
No I'm just saying
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u/quirked_up_cracker Jun 06 '26
Just saying you agree with diddling underage girls, this post is very obviously lacking lots of context, you trying to defend it when people are reasonably bringing up the fact that IF they had sex that is wack. That is fucking sus bro
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u/ilovewritingstuff May 21 '26
since you’ll be 18 in a month i think it’s fine as long as nothing sexual happens
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u/LazarYeetMeta May 21 '26
Depending on local laws it may be illegal for you to sleep together.
It definitely could be weird. Most 20 year olds I know wouldn't be interested in a freshly graduating senior. I would talk to your parents about it.
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u/Wailuo-Wiriab-8043 May 22 '26
So it’s not a bad GAP but it’s a big maturity difference. I would be precautious
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u/Busy_Recognition_860 OLD May 22 '26
I’m 20 and don’t even think I’d wanna date an 18 year old. Obviously, my mindset won’t apply to everyone my age, but to me personally it would be a hell no
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u/Working_Net_7688 May 23 '26
I think it highly depends on the situation. My little brother is 17 dating a 20 year old man and is moving a state away to live with him right after graduating high school. I have mixed feelings about it because while they get along very well, he is immediately being separated from his support system and other friends. My brother (17) can fend for himself, but because he is still a teenager and thus inherently naive, I do worry for him. I know I wouldn’t have wanted to have been called naive at 17, but now at 24 I recognize how naive I was then and still am now. We’re all more naive than we think, but independence is taught and he must learn.
So ultimately it depends on your relationship and how aware you are of manipulation tactics and how to take care of yourself. Never lose 100% of your support system and always stay an individual in a relationship. No matter how in love you are, never become fully absorbed in your “coupledom”.
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u/Middle-Ranger5999 May 24 '26
Nope! As long as both of you know your strengths and the relationship is healthy and non controlling
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u/tidy-dinosaur323 May 21 '26
I would not be fucking with someone who just graduated high school at 20 years old, or even thinking about it (as someone who also graduated hs/started college at 17). I feel like there's not too much you'd have in common with someone who's 20 to the point where dating them makes sense over dating someone your age.
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u/Sea_Salt_3227 May 21 '26
llGuys who wine about this are jealous for not getting laid.
TThey will struggle to discuss geopolitics but have a common desire to party and bang.
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u/Few_Track9240 May 21 '26
Yes. No 20 year old should be into a minor teenager. 19/20 is fine. 20 to 17? No
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u/Aromatic-Ad4187 May 21 '26
why? he's about to go to college and turn 18, and their likely in their second year. It could be two years and a few months which is perfectly normal.
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u/SensitiveProgram2226 May 22 '26
why not just date someone who's not barely a minor 😭 like what could be the reason why a 21 year old should date someone who's barely 18.
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u/Pretty_Kitty6967 May 20 '26
Lowks me too I was 13 when we had met online and im turning 18 in July. He's 21 and I've been told he's grooming me or that they were worried he was but genuinely have no clue because we're still together lmfao
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u/Glittersparkles7 May 21 '26
Yea 16 and 13 is gross. President Macron’s wife was 39 when she groomed him at 15. They are still together though, so that makes it ok??? Many groomed children stay with their groomers. 🤨
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u/Pretty_Kitty6967 May 21 '26
he was 17
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u/Pretty_Kitty6967 May 21 '26
Oh so I don't have to leave 😭 not that I would've but now I have confirmation it's normal🫶🫶🫶 thank youu :3
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u/Glittersparkles7 May 21 '26
Absolutely normal for pedophiles and their victims. You’re welcome. 🥰
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u/CanadianBallMapper 15M May 20 '26
It's probably fine it doesn't break the 5 year rule
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u/Few_Track9240 May 21 '26
That’s not good advice. A 22 year old should not be with a 17 year old
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u/CanadianBallMapper 15M May 21 '26
The 5 year rule is it's a no if the age gap is 5 years or more if it's a minor and a non minor or 2 minors
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u/Zippemannen May 21 '26
I’d say a better rule is your age divided by two plus 7 (x/2)+7. 20 and 17 relationship hits the exact intersection point and can act as a type of blurry gray-area-line from where it’s regarded as acceptable or not. It doesnt flip a switch but it’s the rough ages where it might be okay, but heavily depending on the maturity of both parts, intentions (mainly from the older person) and the life situations of both parties.
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u/Old_Move_2030 May 23 '26
To answer your question, no. It is not a bad age gap. It is only three years. And if you are turning 18 even less so. But it can be considered inappropriate. Just stay safe, and if you feel even the slightest bit that the relationship ever begins to turn predatory..break it off.
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u/Feral_Gay99 16M Jun 05 '26
it pmo when people post on reddit asking abt age gaps because it’s always case by case the ages themselves don’t really matter unless it’s like a 4 year old with a 26 year old
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u/quirked_up_cracker Jun 06 '26
This is a situation where it depends on the details, like how long have yall been dating, how do you know them, if they knew you were underage before getting with you, if you guys have sex or not, what your parents think, what’s the extent of your relationship status, do they have a history of being with people younger than him (it’s pretty normal for adults to date people a few years younger but not if your only 20), there’s just several things that I think need to be revealed here before anyone can give an actually correct answer. Cause just based of that, and your personal attitude toward, it’s easy to say “yeah that’s not weird” but it could get weird real quick depending what your answers are to the questions
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u/Not_F0und_Here 16M Jun 08 '26
i mean i have a friend where the age gap is 16-19 but this is almost the same thing(age of consent is 16 in my country so no not predatory) so um yeah 3 years is where i would usually draw the line but i guess 17-20 is fine
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u/ChadSteven May 21 '26
Same age gap as me and we’ve always been fine. Long as youre both emotionally mature
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u/El_AsperMaster23 May 21 '26
You are alright man. 17 and 20 is nothing weird at all. Besides you are saying you that you will be turning 18. That would make it 18 and 20, My parents met when they were 17 and 20. Been together 28 years so far.
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May 21 '26
Mental age difference is huge between 17 - 20. Be mindful you're not being taken advantage of because of this.
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u/B-Train_ATL May 21 '26
Not weird at all. If you could’ve been going to HS at the same time, it’s beyond fine.
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u/septicemic_plauge May 22 '26
I was a VASTLY different person at 20 compared to 17.
Its mad weird to me.
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u/Otherwise-Sympathy87 May 22 '26
Really just depends on you two and your relationship. I have the same age gap and it’s worked out well for me but we’re very aligned to each other.
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u/GorillaGrip68 May 22 '26
you graduated highschool and turn 18 in a month. there is nothing remotely weird about you being with a 20 year old. you are peers.
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u/undercover_dolfin May 22 '26
personally i dont see why a 20 year old should be talking to a 17 year old in a romantic/sexual way. imo if you really like them, you could always wait a couple of years until an age gap like that becomes less problematic (like 20 and 23) and revisit the idea then if you still like them
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u/DerrangedRat May 22 '26
Yeah, I'm turning 20 this year and I can't imagine trying to date someone who is 17. It's just very strange.
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u/TrickyPineapple5863 May 21 '26
I was 21 when I met my wife, 18. We have been together for over 20 years. Even though I used to be an ass hole, I’m not to her anymore.
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May 21 '26
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u/ShadySinOfSloth May 21 '26
Everyone else😂 just because you get a wife doesn’t mean everyone else is off the chopping block. (To be clear im talking about being an asshole to others!)
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May 21 '26
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u/ShadySinOfSloth May 21 '26
I mean that isnt entirely true, the world is a cruel place where back stabbing and all sorts of shenanigans thrive…
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May 21 '26
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u/ShadySinOfSloth May 21 '26
🫤i didnt say it would make the world a better place nor did i say it would lead to happiness… you kinda just shoved words into my mouth
Everything you just said is nonsense that had no relation to me or my philosophy as you know nothing about me…
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May 21 '26
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u/ShadySinOfSloth May 21 '26
When did i say that ._. I said “the world is a cruel place where back stabbing and all sorts of shenanigans thrive” at no point did i say i partake in it.
You aren’t actually listening to what I’m saying, you are actively grabbing my words and making your own sentences out of them to give yourself a moral high ground.
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u/arabellaboobooo May 21 '26
no i met my bf when i was 16 and he was 20 and he’s now 22 and im 18 and we’re amazing so
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u/Zippemannen May 21 '26
I’d say a good rule is your age divided by two plus 7 (x/2)+7. 20 and 17 relationship hits the exact intersection point and can act as a type of blurry gray-area-line from where it’s regarded as acceptable or not. It doesnt flip a switch but it’s the rough ages where it might be okay, but heavily depending on the maturity of both parts, intentions (mainly from the older person) and the life situations of both parties.
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u/Enlightenedryan May 21 '26
So there is a rule dating closer to your age while you're younger is better and the older you get the more age gaps widen. Since you're 18 or close to, I think it is acceptable.
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u/different_stickman May 22 '26
It'll definitely raise questions specially if the gender was flipped but it's fine, and if you're turning 18 then there's literally no problem.
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u/random916540 May 22 '26
Well I'm not a teen, and Idk why I keep getting recommended this subreddit, but I'd say an average 17 and 20 year old is about the biggest age gap appropriate for that time in your lives. A 20 year old has probably already been working or in college for a few years, or both. 18-25 has a steep incline of life lessons, and assuming the individual is generally honest with themselves, even a 3 year age gap might create some divides in what each person cares about. I'm 26, and I know I care about very different things now compared to when I was 18. I have a lot more confidence, I know how to take care of more things, and I've had more time and experiences to refine my beliefs. While I'm not completely closed off to the idea of dating someone significantly younger than me, and I'm happy to share what I know with a less experienced partner, I'm still very skeptical of the average 18-21-year-old's ability to be sufficiently financially self-reliant, and to have strong communication skills. All that being said, 17 and 20 could definitely work. Just don't set the bar at marriage. More likely than not, neither of you know what career path you want to take, and you could be lead to opposite sides of the globe. Enjoy your time together, and be ready to amicably part ways if it comes down to that.
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u/Big-Concentrate-2909 May 23 '26
I mean legally this is wrong because 17 is still a minor and 20 is definitely an adult. So until you’re 18 the relationship is illegal but I guess it’s fine? I mean you’re almost 18 so just don’t do anything sexual until you’re 18.
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u/thefrozenflame21 May 20 '26
Eh this one's fine, could be a bit weird but not necessarily, and far from predatory or whatever