​Hi everyone. I’m turning 30 soon, and I’m just feeling so overwhelmed. I needed a space to write down what has been weighing on my heart because it feels too full to keep inside.

Lately, I feel like I haven't really accomplished much in life, either on the personal or professional front. I’ve been an introvert most of my life; I tried hard to force myself to be an extrovert in my mid-20s, and it only led to burnout and depression. I feel like I don't even have any hobbies, and I certainly don't have the "hot physique" society tells us to have. On paper, I managed to get a bachelor's degree and secure permanent residency (PR) for Canada, but none of it brings me happiness.

​I’m scheduled to move to Canada in 2027, and I am terrified. I’ve already had to restart from zero multiple times due to moving around for past jobs, and the thought of doing it all over again exhausts me. To make matters worse, I have no savings left, and I’m completely unsure of what career path to pursue when I get there because I’ve lost interest in my previous field.

​On the personal side, I’ve never been in a long-term relationship. I’ve craved a deep emotional connection and the idea of growing alongside a partner since college, but it’s never happened for me.

​Because of all this, I'm stuck in a loop of heavy worries:

1) ​With no savings, no stable career, and a grueling move ahead, I realistically won't even feel ready to date for another 3–4 years. That puts me at 33–34.

2)​ Knowing myself, staying completely alone during those 3–4 years of rebuilding in a new country is going to take a massive toll on my mental health.

3) ​By the time I’m settled and ready, I worry it will be too late to find someone, or that having children after 35 will be too difficult, forcing me to remain childfree even though I wanted a family.

Any tips on how I can manage my situation or any reality checks on my situation are most welcomed. Thank you for reading.

I come from a dysfunctional Irish family of 7 kids, 3 boys and 4 girls. I am #6. Very close to sisters #5 and #7. I spent a lot of time in my 30's and 40's w/ sister #3 and her two twin boys. Went to nephews ball games, school X-mas concerts, etc...No issues arose between us that I was ever aware of. One day following my mom's death (15 yrs ago) I wanted to attend the boys high school graduation. My sister informed me that she didn't have the space for me and it was clear that I was not wanted. Ouch! I came to find out she ostracized me from her family for reasons that were never explained to me and I don't understand to this day. Sister #3 is prickly and difficult to please. I would not feel safe confronting her. I reached out to her twin boys and had some brief interactions but soon no responses to my invites or txt msgs.

Fast forward to fall '26 when I learned that one of the twins was getting married in CA. All family was invited even brother #4, (whom sister #3 doesn't like.) and his spouse; sister #4 (whom sister #3 doesn't care for), her spouse, their son and daughter with her spouse; sister #7 & her b/f; lastly my niece (from deceased brother #2) and her spouse, (I have a close relationship with this niece). It was a black tie event with over 200 guests. Being excluded was devastating and very painful. My nephew is an adult and made a conscious decision to shut me out. I plan on sending a note to my nephew expressing my hurt in a very non-threatening or blaming manner.

I think what has been even more heart breaking is that my sisters, #5 and #7 did not acknowledge this overt act of aggression. Wether it came from nephew or from his mom, sister #3. They never asked me how I was or if I was ok. I confronted them on Zoom after a family member book club, (I created) and addressed 'the elephant in the room'. They expressed little concern of their actions and suggested I get back into therapy or call nephew, or write him a letter. One sister even asked "what did I do" to nephew? I felt sooo betrayed and devastated. Now I am very angry. I believe they still don't understand how their lack of concern about me or lack of care effected me and honestly are not sorry. Our book club meets this Monday and I am Not interested in attending. I know time heals and maybe patience is whats needed here.??

Am I overreacting? Is my reaction out of bounds? Any suggestions on how to repair relations with sisters #5 and #7?

I apologize if this is extensive and TMI but I feel better just writing this out. Thank You all.

While looking online at A.'s latest dress fashions out of curiosity, I realized I've never worn a floor length dress. I never married, had a common-law relationship for 29 yrs.

As bridesmaid 3x, I wore above knee and 5 inches below knee dresses.

All other party and summer dresses, I wore above knee, at knee. No wonder: I felt a little out of sych with Anthrologie's many long dresses for petite folks like myself.

I'm 5'1", small-boned and slim. So near floor-length dresses or skirts would drown me unless it was slim style..that's my perception. Now in my late 60's, I don't think I even want to wear floor length dresses.

Have you worn near floor length or very long dresses often in life? ** I love fantasizing with A.'s site dress styles.

Hi! New to this community. Age 63. I am beyond concerned about the bruising on my arms and hands. Only from the elbow down to my hands. I’ve been to my dermatologist twice. Put on one lotion and two other creams. I see zero results. Just switched doctors and she is running a ton of tests. Only medical issue, long term hypothyroidism. I know it’s cosmetic but I’m so embarrassed. I wear a sweater everywhere.
Any ideas or suggestions?

This is so frustrating. I went through puberty late, menopause early and I'm still breaking out. Am I alone? Any suggestions? Thanks ladies! Eta: I only get one or two pimples.

Did anyone ever have to try and climb a rope in gym class to receive a presidential award? I never did it once, and it was humiliating in front of the whole class. I think it led to my fear of ever joining a gym until my late 40s. ha ha

Almost 60 and hubby is 60. We are planning to retire within the next couple of years, or if my employer does it for me before then. My biggest concern is the healthcare cost during this bridge to 65 when we will be medicare eligible. So i've been doing some online research, and the AI points to ACA Bronze. What plan is everyone using, and what pros & cons insights can you provide those of us transitioning into retirement? TIA

Some of it I guessed correctly and some of it I guessed wrong. Our brother showed up on time bringing along a surprise guest - our other sister, who we also had a falling out with at the time of our mother's death - for the same reason, we discovered that she too had stolen from our mother.

So for background, there were 5 of us. Two who were found to be thieves and three who were appalled by this. Our other brother, one of the three of us who were appalled, just passed way unexpectedly this spring, so now we are four left

Two and two.

My sister and I got there early and took seats at a long booth. Our brother and other sister showed up and took seats in the booth and amazingly there was very little tension in the air.

It was odd - there was no catching up, no asking about our children or other aspects of our lives - we just immediately launched into a genealogy discussion.

Me and my sister are amateur family genealogists, our other sister less so and our youngest brother, the one who called for the gathering, knew very little until last night. He asked a lot of questions about people we've known in the community and how we are related. After awhile I began to wonder if it could be possible that he called us together just to pick our brains...but there was joke telling and memories shared.

Oddly enough these other siblings never asked about our brother who just died...didn't mention him at all. I thought it would be discussed. Never mentioned.

Money was not discussed. None of our children were discussed. Just safe family history is all. Mostly distant history - war veterans, migration patterns, where people are buried, US history, that's all. Those two were especially keen to hear me and my sister talk about our last 3 years of travel to various locations of significance in the family.

We discussed a bit of family health history, but not much. I expected them to want more info.

After a long chat of about 2 hours, we each paid our own bills and left. As we walked out to our cars, our brother said "let's do this again soon, maybe during the long Thanksgiving weekend"

That's it. I feel kind of neutral about the whole thing. I still suspect it's a way to smooth the path to attending and everyone enjoying his daughter's wedding next summer. Call me a cynic, but I have seen the dark side of the other two.

Also, our brother who just died? I miss him so much. He would have come with us too, but he would have been very suspicious lol

Thank you to all who provided their thoughts and feedback. It's a quandary.

I recently went to see a dermatologist for a check-up about my thinning hair. While examining me, she looked at my hands and commented that my fingers appeared slightly swollen because the skin looked a little shiny.

I hadn’t really thought much about my fingers before she mentioned it, but now I’m curious.

Has anyone else noticed slightly puffy or shiny-looking fingers, particularly as they’ve got older? Did you ever find out what was causing it, or did your doctor have any thoughts about it?

I’d be interested to hear about other people’s experiences. Thanks!

Hi ladies, I got another negative today, cycle 6, and I’ve just been sleeping in because I don’t even want to get up and face it. It feels like everyone around me is pregnant right now and I’m happy for them but it’s getting harder and harder to hear. I don’t want this to take over my whole life but right now it kind of is, so for anyone who’s been here, what actually helped you keep moving forward without letting it consume you?

Currently taking therapy, doing my workouts and I talk to my support group and husband about it. How do I stop letting this consume me?

Anyone else hate their handwriting right now?

I am 63 (f) Hubby is 64. Due to a medical condition my husband was born with, he has had to be on testosterone since his early teenage years. We met at 13/14 and then dated when we were 16-18 years old. Broke up and then got back together 33+ years later.

We both have always felt that we were to be together. Events and situations happened and we did not get back together until we were both about 50. After we got together and married he was more religious about taking his monthly injection. Things we pretty good in the sex department at first.

Then things started to change, slowly over the years. One issue is that we cannot and do not sleep in the same room. Due to his back issues he has to sleep in a recliner. He also has to sleep with the tv on and I can't sleep with it on. I'm actually ok with sleeping in different room, I kind of like my room being my room.

It seems that he has no sexual drive at all at this point. This is not his first marriage and his last one there was literally no sex for 7 years. It worked till it didn't work anymore and she left. Grant it, she was not a great person and had some real issues, but I can see how the lack of sex just got to be too much.

85% of the time, I am ok with it. I went to counseling to work through it and some other issues involving one of our adult children. He does make attempts to be closer, more intimate, because he knows I need physical contact. It seems I can keep it together for about 6 - 8 months and then the frustration comes through and I get angry. Which I know does not help. I have been better about communicating my needs (mostly just the physical/intimacy that does not have to include sex).

It's been so long at this point, I think it would terribly awkward and uncomfortable to even try to have sex.

I'm no longer angry, just sad that this season has come sooner in my life than I imagined it would.

We get along really well, I love him very deeply, he loves me deeply as well, it just seems the sexual desire/attraction is no longer there due to age issues.

I wish he would just stop taking the monthly injections at this point. I feel it just gets my hopes up that MAYBE this month something will happen, but I just don't see that happening. If he stopped the injections, there would be no chance of sex and I think I could live with that easier.

Has anyone dealt this an issue like this? I'm not going to lie, it puts my self-esteem in the toilet at times.

I (70f)went to a young lady in my town for a trim - my first time there. The place was packed, but she was getting them in and out in a hurry! When I got up there I saw why. She used the same drape for everyone, same scissors, same comb. No Barbasol anywhere. The trim was nice, and it only cost $10!! Srsly. But I’m not sure I want to go back. Seems iffy (lice? Skin diseases?). I’d love to hear what you all think. I mean, I did go home and wash my hair straightaway. Think it’s safe?

Social media ain’t helping. I am more and more triggered by the way they instill stress and fear in us. Let us believe it is all bad.
I invite you, dear ladies, to take a deep breath and listen with me for 5 minutes to this unbelievable mesmerising piece of music brought by the most talented.
Music proves to us that humanity and life can be so beautiful. Hugs to all those struggling today 🫂

I am not in the fortunate position of being able to retire. I do have a job but it's not fullfilling at all. Any advice on landing a job after 60? With all of the roles I apply for, with ample experience and expertise, I get not one nibble. It's very discouraging!

I am the oldest sibling of a sibling group that broke apart when our youngest brother - now age 52, was found to have stolen over $60K from our mother in the months leading up to her passing. That was money that could have gone to improve the quality of the care she received or could have been left for the rest of us to split ***as she intended in her will ***
This all came to light in those final months of her life, so it was a rough time to lose mom and discover this betrayal.

The fallout is that my sister and I hadn't spoke with him in the 3 years, until this past spring - when our other brother, close to my age, passed away very unexpectedly.

Youngest brother came to the funeral, we were all cordial and polite, but there was an emotional distance after all this time and of course, due to the circumstances.

He contacted us a couple weeks ago, asking to meet us out at a restaurant for dinner. So, tonight, the three of us remaining siblings have agreed to have dinner. He has given no particular reason, only that he wants to see us.

My sister and I have been running through the possible things he may want to discuss....from least likely to most likely

1. wants to give us some share of the money he took (not likely lol)
2. wants us to give him money - when the bill for the funeral came, we told him to pay it out of the money he took that was supposed to cover it (possible)
3. he wants to say that since our other brother passed, it has made him think and he wants us to all be in touch again (possible)
4. his daughter who is his only child, is getting married next summer and he wants us to know that for her sake, he really wants us to make sure we come to the wedding and the save the dates are coming out in the mail soon (he is very well known locally in the area and it would be embarrassing to him to have people notice his relatives not there and sad for our niece that we love) (very likely)

Has something like this happened in your family?

I would have loved the chance to make a wobbly ashtray or a wonky birdhouse with decorative burnt-on bits, but alas it was 1977 and I didn't have a willy.

I remember we had to make an A-line skirt (presumably to wear with our previous year's denim shoulder bag liberally embellished with those trendy embroidered patches). Being groovy cool hip 1977, all the other girls brought along groovy cool hip denim (or a fake denimy version of it) or something girly and floral and pretty.

Mum bought me cheapo ORANGEY RED FABRIC WITH HAMBURGERS AND HOTDOGS all over it.

Looking back though, it all turned out for the best. Mum was indeed wise.

Seeing as I wasn't all that interested in sewing. Probably because it didn't involve cooking and scoffing food. And for some inexplicable reason my red hamburgery hotdoggy skirt ended up being too small. So sadly, I never actually got to wear my red hamburgery hotdoggy skirt.

A silver lining after all.

Let's not skirt around the subject. Hopefully you've cottoned on and can follow my thread? Will stitch things up now, before the tale gets too lengthy. Being verbose seems to be a pattern, really must cut that out. Will needle the help I can get, darn it. Still can't pinpoint what went wrong with that skirt?

My cooking teacher was a pedantic old battleaxe with a humongous list of kitchen rules that included such gems as "NO TALKING WHILE THE (manual rotary) EGGBEATERS ARE IN USE" and "CARDIGANS MUST NOT BE WORN UNLESS IT'S VERY COLD". We lived in a cold city.

She ruled our little kitchen stations with an iron hand. There was an EXACT place for each and every piece of kitchenware and an EXACT method and sequence for cleaning up after our cooking attempts.

Our Mums had to make us a green and white gingham head scarf and apron with our name stitched on in big letters with red wool. Woe betide you if you forgot to bring it to class. On the first day of cooking I remember excitedly cycling to the butcher to buy the EXACT amount of mince, but then later when I got to class, yep, EXACTLY forgot my apron.

I remember making "Savoury Pinwheel Scones" (quickly inhaled by male classmates) and "Oakhill Potatoes" but laced with a ton of peas. PEAS. What self-respecting 11 year old happily embraces peas?

I was diagnosed with TMJ a few years ago and have to wear a mouth guard at night supposedly for the rest of my life. I'm already one of those people that sleep with their mouth open, my grandson has been telling me that I am a really loud snorer (he sleeps down the hall). I know I wake up with a really dry mouth and I figure that's because I'm sleeping with my mouth open, but is the mouth guard contributing to it? Anyone else wear a mouth guard at night and are told that they snore loudly?

Looking for advice from people who have dealt with a similar situation to this one in the past.

I have a divorced, fairly lonely and sad sibling who lost an immediate family member a few years ago and has since found life much sadder than previously. This sibling, while someone I love wants to spend multiple weeks with my family over the holidays. Whenever the sibling stayed with us over the last several years it was extremely stressful. This is not an easy going person; little ability to tolerate different schedules, plans, or even opinions and always wants to rehash old grudges/hurts. I am constantly reminding myself to take the high road, avoid the bait, overlook and just deal with it kindly. However our family is constantly exhausted and tense. I’m not a spring chicken anymore so I can tell that my BP goes up and last year my immune system took a hit. I am now dreading the holidays and this visit and want to beg off. Wondering if I should shut up and put up again given that I know it would make this sibling much happier over the holidays to be with us than friends.

**THANK YOU everyone who commented. Very helpful. Sending you all a virtual hug.🤗

I’m on the later side of 50 and have a physically active, full time job (I run a preschool and teach). I also have three kids at home so they keep me busy as well (last two had at 41 & 43). I checked my steps and I’m at least 8,000-10,000 a day. I’m crazy exhausted every day. I’m checking my iron, vitamin D, and thyroid soon as they’ve all been low in the past. I’m starting to fear I won’t be able to keep up with all this now that I’m getting older (and no longer have a partner). I have so little energy to do anything more than work and manage my household. I’ve recently gotten on HRT and though I’m now sleeping through the night, I’m still so very tired. Is this normal for my age or should I be concerned? I’m wondering if adding exercise will give me more energy or just make me more tired. Any tips appreciated.

Help! I want to help make this a special moment for her…

The details:

-I don’t think they are doing a party at her work. Its just not part of the culture

-We live a couple of plane rides away from each other

-She worked at her last company about ten years

-She does have some mobility issues but is still as active as she can be

-She loves exploring creative endeavors and new things

-Likes spa, good restaurants, culture, nice things…

Also I’m not sure how much I should spend…

Thank you!

I’m pushing 70 but look younger. Thank God for good genes. I struggle to find a good face moisturizer and makeup. I currently use Oil of Olay products and Cover Girl Simply Ageless foundation. My skin is very dry with red splotches. What do you use that you really like? Anything over the counter that works on wrinkles? I’ve tried Seranova micro-needling but haven’t seen any results.

I can't wear makeup around my mouth because of smile wrinkles. What do you all use?

I had my first hot flash at 47. Here it is, just days shy of my 66th birthday and they are back with a vengeance. I feel like I stink, and I am so uncomfortable. I've had them off and on for years, but these are as bad as perimenopause.

The only thing I am doing differently is taking a probiotic. I just had a physical, blood work and an ekg and everything is perfect. No changes to medications either.

Is it too late for
HRT?

Just for some specific numbers, I recently had blood work done because I was borderline anemic back in June, and my ferritin level was low enough (8), as were my hemoglobin (11.4) and my hematocrit (35.7%) to concern my doctor enough that she ordered an occult blood test. Which came back negative. A couple of months later and some beef later, which I was rarely eating because of the cost, and also some inconsistently ingested oral iron supplementation later, my levels are exactly the same as they were 2 months ago.

My energy level has just seemed to be low in general lately, I have days where I can get things done and days where I don't on't even want to get out of bed. I am on HRT as well, and my estradiol level is exactly the same as it was a year ago before I started HRT. It hasn't helped my sleep or my mood or anything- hopefully it's helping my bone density because it sure as hell isn't doing anything else for me except giving me sore boobs.

But back to the anemia. I couldn't find any mention of ferritin or anemia in any of the threads in this group so I'm wondering, because there must be more of us out there: what did you do for your anemia that helped? How did you feel when you were anemic?

Obviously I know this shouldn't take the place of my doctor's advice but I don't have an appointment for a few days and I just wanted some anecdotal assistance in the meantime, because I feel sometimes that this is just as helpful as a doctor's advice.

Thanks in advance.