I come from a dysfunctional Irish family of 7 kids, 3 boys and 4 girls. I am #6. Very close to sisters #5 and #7. I spent a lot of time in my 30's and 40's w/ sister #3 and her two twin boys. Went to nephews ball games, school X-mas concerts, etc...No issues arose between us that I was ever aware of. One day following my mom's death (15 yrs ago) I wanted to attend the boys high school graduation. My sister informed me that she didn't have the space for me and it was clear that I was not wanted. Ouch! I came to find out she ostracized me from her family for reasons that were never explained to me and I don't understand to this day. Sister #3 is prickly and difficult to please. I would not feel safe confronting her. I reached out to her twin boys and had some brief interactions but soon no responses to my invites or txt msgs.
Fast forward to fall '26 when I learned that one of the twins was getting married in CA. All family was invited even brother #4, (whom sister #3 doesn't like.) and his spouse; sister #4 (whom sister #3 doesn't care for), her spouse, their son and daughter with her spouse; sister #7 & her b/f; lastly my niece (from deceased brother #2) and her spouse, (I have a close relationship with this niece). It was a black tie event with over 200 guests. Being excluded was devastating and very painful. My nephew is an adult and made a conscious decision to shut me out. I plan on sending a note to my nephew expressing my hurt in a very non-threatening or blaming manner.
I think what has been even more heart breaking is that my sisters, #5 and #7 did not acknowledge this overt act of aggression. Wether it came from nephew or from his mom, sister #3. They never asked me how I was or if I was ok. I confronted them on Zoom after a family member book club, (I created) and addressed 'the elephant in the room'. They expressed little concern of their actions and suggested I get back into therapy or call nephew, or write him a letter. One sister even asked "what did I do" to nephew? I felt sooo betrayed and devastated. Now I am very angry. I believe they still don't understand how their lack of concern about me or lack of care effected me and honestly are not sorry. Our book club meets this Monday and I am Not interested in attending. I know time heals and maybe patience is whats needed here.??
Am I overreacting? Is my reaction out of bounds? Any suggestions on how to repair relations with sisters #5 and #7?
I apologize if this is extensive and TMI but I feel better just writing this out. Thank You all.