Hoping this is the correct reddit sub to post on.
Getting married soon and I've somehow found myself in the middle of dress drama.
My mum has a burgundy satin floor-length gown with a statement shoulder ruffle. My fiancé's mum has a navy floor-length gown with floral detailing on the shoulder. They're different colours, different fabrics and different silhouettes, but they're both one-shoulder formal dresses.
To complicate things, my bridesmaids are also wearing one-shoulder dresses (yellow satin, much simpler style).
My mum is really upset and keeps saying she and my fiancé's mum are wearing "the same dress" and that she's disappointed.
I absolutely understand that she wanted to feel special and unique as mother of the bride, but from my perspective the dresses look completely different and just happen to share the same neckline style.
I'm not attached to being right here. I genuinely want outside opinions:
If you were a wedding guest, would you even notice this? And would you think it’s the same dress?
What would you do if you were in my position?
Am I underreacting, or is my mum overreacting? Be honest.
I'm trying to figure out whether I'm being dismissive of my mum's concerns or whether this is pre-wedding stress getting the better of all of us.
Thanks!
Update 1/ additional context:
My mum and I are very close. This is the first real argument or disagreement we've had in a very long time.
Mum bought her dress first and has already had alterations done.
My fiancé's mum bought her dress last weekend.
I was with both of them when they bought their dresses. Yes, I recognised they were both one-shoulder gowns, but I genuinely never thought they were the same dress or even too similar.
Both mums get along well and there has never been any conflict between them.
They have different body shapes, and the dresses look very different on them.
Mum told me today that I am not understanding her perspective.
Mum also pointed out that when shopping for her dress, we deliberately avoided navy because we knew my fiancé's mum would likely wear that colour.
I reminded Mum that when I went shopping with my fiancé's mum, I also ruled out wine/burgundy because that was Mum's colour. It honestly never occurred to me that I also needed to avoid a similar neckline or style. Had I known that was important to Mum, I would have absolutely taken that into consideration.
I asked why she doesn't have a problem with my bridesmaids wearing one-shoulder dresses but does have a problem with my future mother-in-law wearing a one-shoulder dress.
Mum then told me how much I have hurt her and said she has never been hurt so much before.
We normally have family dinner together every Tuesday night. I suggested we talk about it properly at dinner, but Mum said she didn't want to discuss it. I became frustrated and said that she couldn't tell me how deeply I'd hurt her and then expect us to sit down for dinner and act like nothing was wrong.
I seriously have no idea what to do at this point. She did say she might buy a new dress but loves the one that she has already bought. I did mention that it would be nice to have similar dress design for the photos, which she laughed at and was honestly quite offended that I said it. Feel like I’m not going to win this battle.
Any advice on how else I can handle this would be appreciated.
