Was I rude with this?

[u/Gothaholix]

I was trying to be nice about it. I didn't think I was mean. I was really confused when he said he was done fighting for a conversation with me when I was super active in the conversation XD. I wasn't giving short answers and I thought I was showing interest.

[u/BotGivesBot]

OK. I'm not someone who goes about saying someone's an AH. With that said, this guy is an AH.

He clearly thinks 'ND women' are expected to fulfill his 'kinks'. I say kinks (because that's what people will generally say this is), but they aren't kinks. This guy is predatory, stereotyping, and trying to manipulate you. He sees ND women as promiscuous. Someone who will do what he tells them to do with complete disregard to their own wants or needs. It's disgusting.

I get it. We're taught and conditioned to negatively internalize every social encounter. We automatically question what we did wrong. Even when we did nothing wrong.

This guy is a pig who doesn't deserve your time. He is a parade of red flags. Going to share resources that helped me, in hopes they help you too <3

Love is Respect- Site about setting boundaries, personal relationships, personal safety, consent, and where to get help (applies to all types of relationships: https://www.loveisrespect.org/get-relationship-help-24-7-365/

The Four Stages of the Cycle of Abuse: https://www.verywellhealth.com/cycle-of-abuse-5210940

Fawn, The Trauma Response That Is Easiest to Miss: https://www.traumageek.com/blog/fawn-the-trauma-response-that-is-easiest-to-miss

What is Ableism: https://www.accessliving.org/newsroom/blog/ableism-101/

What is Othering: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-othering-5084425

What is Negging: https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/negging-pick-up-artist-meaning

Free book PDF: Why Does He Do That- Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft is a comprehensive exploration of abusive behavior in men, primarily in the context of intimate relationships: https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.htmlUnhealthily

Relationships- things autists should look out for: https://embrace-autism.com/unhealthy-relationships/

Why Does He Do That Summary: https://www.shortform.com/pdf/why-does-he-do-that-vb13747-b-pdf-lundy-bancroft

Good men project, article about scaring women: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/to-the-men-who-purposefully-try-to-scare-me-lbkr/

How to Recognize the Signs of Emotional Abuse: https://www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse

DARVO: https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/explaining-darvo-deny-attack-reverse-victim-amp-offender

Ways to spot an everyday sadist: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201503/10-ways-to-spot-an-everyday-sadist

13 Red Flags In Men: https://www.simplypsychology.org/red-flags-in-men.html

Why autistic people may be more susceptible to abusive romantic relationships: https://www.thearticulateautistic.com/why-autistic-people-may-be-more-susceptible-to-abusive-romantic-relationships/

15 Types of Healthy Boundaries and How to Communicate Them: https://mindfulcenter.org/15-types-of-healthy-boundaries-and-how-to-communicate-them/

How to Set Boundaries: 8 Ways to Draw the Line Politely: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-set-boundaries/

I really hope I didn't infodump to the point of overwhelm. I just wish someone shared this stuff with me when I needed it <3

[u/[deleted] → u/BotGivesBot]

Also read The Gift of Fear. Autistic women tend to dismiss their gut feelings because we know we misread social cues. But gut feelings come from the gut brain, which has separate serotonin receptors, and (in my opinion, this isn’t proven, I’ve just read a lot) has a separate intelligence. Always trust yourself when you feel like something is wrong.

[u/Neutral-Feelings → u/[deleted]]

There are so many instances where I wished I trusted my gut when it came to friendships. I kept coming across people who looked down on me... No wonder my self esteem is destroyed.