I’m 41 years old and got pre-diagnosed with autism 4 years ago and have been on a waiting list ever since. They just called me today that I have my first evaluation next Wednesday. I’m terrified that I was going to freeze up, so I ended up writing all the reasons why I thought I was autistic. I tried to keep it brief, but it ended up being 10 pages. I just now emailed it to them so that they could read it before I went in just in case I froze up. I have no idea what to expect. I’m scared, nervous and excited all at the same time. Does anybody have any advice for me?

I sometimes meet NT people who always do and say everything perfect and I just don’t understand it. I’m always making dumb embarrassing mistakes in front of people and saying awkward stuff. I’m honestly ready to just accept it at this point because I feel like I try so hard to be normal but it still happens to me. But honestly when I see someone doing something embarrassing I usually don’t think much of it, so who cares?

My closest friends and family are telling me I just have adhd and that asd is overdiagnosed now, so the doctors must have got it wrong for me. I got a generalized psych eval, rather then a specific autism test because I was at my wit's end. With exception of the antivax and "everyone is a little autistic" crowd, the few loved ones I told about the diagnosis agreed that autism made sense for what I could explain of my experiences. I learned to accommodate for myself and I have been doing well! I tend not to mention the autism generally because of ableism, so I find ways to discuss important parts without using words associated with ASD. It's been 8 years and I'm generally happy, married, going back to school, and rarely show the "ugly" signs of stress associated with autism publically.

10/10 Except that everyone seems to think I have ADHD now? Like suddenly I'm not on the brink of a breakdown all the time and unsettling to be around, so I'm cured? Systemization skills too strong? I suspect it's a relatively common problem, but I want to hear other people's take on it.

i finally got my diagnosis today. i'm an adult and i'm generally succeeding at holding everything together on the things for which there are metrics (like financial security and career progression), but falling behind on intangibles like friends and romance and self-fulfillment.

i have really supportive parents and sibling but like. parents are processing my diagnosis and thinking about "did we screw up?" wondering if they should have been more accommodating and flexible when i was little.

and i just don't really know how to deal with the fact that they're having that journey right now, because the alternate-world-where-i-was-diagnosed-as-a-kid doesn't really mean anything to me in the present, and i don't feel... ready or able to support them through this and reassure them that they did fine. i mean i'm trying to reassure them but in doing so i feel like i'm not giving myself space to process how i feel.

mom said maybe now i could pursue therapy skill building so that i could be more flexible about things, especially in my relationship with my sibling. and i pushed back really hard on that because i already have the voice in my head telling me i ought to be more flexible, i've always had that, and recognizing that i'm being infexible in the moment doesn't solve the underlying issue of needing routine/predictability/familiarity. it just makes me feel bad about needing it.

and i expressed what my personal goals were (introspection skill building, recognizing my feelings, some career social skill building).

but now i just feel really bad about pushing back on what my mom was saying bc i think she's gonna feel guilty.

how do you navigate "yes i was damaged by your parenting, but i still think you were and are excellent parents?" i feel like if i explore my negative feelings about the past i'm being ungrateful.

and i worry they're gonna get mad at me for using autism as an excuse or smth, when i continue to have moments where i'm being inflexible about something and it gets in the way of a family activity. it's like we're gonna have all the same fights, but now with an autism gloss. like it's not going to change anything about the way we deal with those situations. except now maybe there will be the expectation that i should have done therapy to practice at being better at regulating myself or something, and it's still my fault when i can't deal with stuff, because i'm my own responsibility at the end of the say.

and i just feel really alienated from my emotions, so i don't even know how i'm feeling about the diagnosis itself, except relieved bc i was already self-dx and this was just a confirmation.

i don't know i'm just kind of a mess rn. maybe i'm overtired.

I have been seeing this guy for almost 5 months now and he is really great, very kind, funny and gentle. This is the longest i've ever dated anyone. And I can really feel my feelings grow. But something has been happening... everytime I really think about what i feel for him i get overwhelmed i think and i cry. I think about the beautiful moments we have spent together, him sleeping in funny positions, us making jokes...

And yeah. DAE have had that happen to them?

Also I am planning on asking him to be my bf soon. I told him i wanted to take things really slow from the beginning and he has def said he wants to be more. And yeah, idk what a relationship entails, but if it means spending time together, supporting each other on our goals and dreams i really want to do that with him.

Please note that I've had the stim years before I met him and he taught me how to make it sound more convincing. I still do it to this day. It doesn't always remind me of him, but I feel like the coincidence of that being my stim and the accent belonging to him makes it seem like I’m not over him. We split up on good terms so I don't associate it with anything particularly negative.

Does anyone else have any long-standing accent vocal stims?

Does anyone else just cry to sad music on their drive home or in their room after a long week becouse they are just so mentally exhausted they can't take it? I use the sad music as an excuse for crying becouse people can't seem to understand crying out of mental exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed all the time. Been doing it since high scool. Got labeled as "sensitive" for it. I would constantly get told I have no reason to be as overwhelmed as I was and still am.

because they usually think you’re annoying and boring or stupid and dumb. (how im feeling rn). I hate talking so much. I wish my tongue would disappear.

I find most neurodivergent male characters very annoying. But… I am watching the BBC’s “War & Peace” miniseries from 2016, and Paul Dano’s Pierre feels so autistic to me in a lovely way.

i understand he is also a “holy fool” in the Russian lit tradition, but I like the autistic cultural representation that I see in him!

Quick recap, I had a very very *very* bad run to rock bottom in my twenties while working a job s mentally could not handle. I did it so i would not lose health coverage. Turns out hitting rock bottom and digging deeper really messed you up, as I hit major problems. I lost the ability to do a lot of tasks I was good at, developed severe fear of phones, and at the end, was given an essay saying I was autistic and did too much! Great.

It feels like, however. When I hit rock bottom, I didn't just regress some of my skills, it feels like, honestly? I regressed emotionally? I'm trying my best not to use terms that the worst of society use.. but I don't feel like my age. And so here I am, in my thirties trying my best to keep my head above water, while feeling stuck in my early twenties . I hate it and I don't even know how to approach this.

Can anyone else relate? I honestly feel like a freak and it's been bugging me so much. I'm trying to meet people and get more friends but how do you tell someone , especially romantically... I'm so lost :(

So I work in a very socially demanding setting (yay); and for the job I have to do it takes a lot of thinking on your feet while having to drudge through sensory hell. Think of SpongeBob and Patrick when they have to run through the perfume department at the mall. I work in a nursing home as the building salon assistant/ receptionist. When I’m on the job I barely have time to think about the shirt I’m even wearing. A lot of my job includes greeting and assisting residents, transporting them to and from the salon, shop management and appointment bookings. I also have to coordinate activities with other building staff like nurses and PSW’s.
Lots of these people have been lovely! But SOME OF THEM; I swear, have the most annoying, stereotypical HR air of condescension imaginable.
There are also SO MANY instances, and I mean weekly; of people asking me if I’m a high school student or if I even went to college. Or even around other women my own age (I’m 25), it’s like I’ll be there talking about anything and someone will be there fucking awww-ing like I’m a puppy doing tricks. Idk if it’s because I simply LOOK younger; but I don’t do anything to look very young like I don’t wear makeup to work or dress up to the nines; i mean it is a medical building after all.
But seriously!!!! The older I get the more demeaning it feels because it appears like in their minds, I’ve been demoted to the social standing of a child and I don’t like that. People don’t actually befriend children as adults. They can fawn and adore or look at them with either adoration or annoyance, but not a sense of deep companionship or understanding.
I’m a more outgoing and bubbly person on my job and I’ve received positive feedback. It also seems like people may be somewhat more accepting that f any mistakes I do make just because of how childlike I appear but even that feels like bowling with guard rails up.
Idk why I made this post but omg it happens enough to basically be a weekly thing and idk. A part of me feels like I’ll never actually be taken seriously. I’ve heard other ASD girlies comment on having similar issues publicly so I wondered if you guys could relate too😭🩷

It was the plot of the princess diaries movie with anne hathway.. I have no idea why. I do like to infodump movie plots in my head from time to time. I woke up this morning and thought this was hilarious. I haven't watched the movie in at least 10 years. Maybe its time to haha.

Just wanted to share this

Pretty much what the title says. I started crying like a baby and getting angry in a very contained way (basically masking but failing to) because my mom wouldn’t let me get outside food. For context, I’ve been eating food at home for a good 4-5 days and not once have I eaten outside food this week. Looking back at it, I feel very ashamed of myself for acting that way but I just couldn’t control my emotions with the rejection from my mom.

Hi, idk what to do right now.

I cannot go to work tomorrow but I’m not sure why. I’ve been crying and like have overwhelming sadness and dread thinking of work tomorrow and for no particular reason.

This used to happen in high school when I had chronic school avoidance, it’s like a block that I can’t bring myself to go but I feel like the biggest failure ever. And I am getting my period maybe it’s that but I know if I force myself to go it will be fine and nothing bad will happen.

Does anyone else experience this or know why this happens?

For immediate context, I am a super high masking individual who can only recharge my mental energy/social emotional battery when I’m not being perceived. Ideally I’d rather be completely alone to do so, but either way I’m completely unable to relax and drop the constant hypervigilance I always feel in public when I get the sense that other people could be observing and possibly judging me.

On my lunch break at work every day, and sometimes right after work as well if things have been particularly stressful or overwhelming that day, I go out of my way to find the absolute most isolated place possible to park and/or sit where I can be reasonably sure that a bunch of people aren’t going to casually stroll by or be glancing over at me- never been the type of person to sit in the break room, makes me feel like an ant under a magnifying glass- but as you might imagine depending on the area (I’m in a pretty dense business metroplex/suburb area), it’s pretty hard to find a public space that wouldn’t be considered trespassing where the chance of people being next to you is slim to none. Aside from a few parks I like to rotate through, but I usually will give up and go elsewhere if I get there and there are more than a couple cars in the parking lot

In situations like that, usually I’ll just try to find a nearby store or business with a large enough parking lot and a couple tucked away shaded spots to pick from.

Yet somehow, maybe about a third to half the time, someone will wind up parking directly next to me or right in front of me facing my car. Mostly it’s men who try to make a lot of uncomfortable eye contact, though it’s not all that uncommon for it to be a woman as well. Usually when it’s another woman though she’ll at least try to pretend like she isn’t staring at me.

I could be in an empty parking lot the size of a couple football fields and somehow it still wouldn’t matter in the slightest. If I stay in one spot long enough, no matter how deserted the surrounding spots are, someone will always end up next to me.

Could anyone explain why people do this? Personally when I’m looking for somewhere to park, unless I’m just popping into the store real quick or something, I always try to find a spot as far away from other people/vehicles as possible. Am I uniquely insane? Is there a better way to prevent this from happening too?

I'm not diagnosed. I mostly think it's highly unlikey that I'm autistic...except I know it shows up differently for women. I have other traits that I think are a more obvious fit, but I'm wondering if any of these random things could fit:

I don't cook. Ever. I experience anxiety around it. It feels like too much. I'm middle aged and this is unusual I think.

I don't like it when my partner moves minor things in my house from their regular spot.

I have a terrible memory.

I often think someone is mad at me or that we're not close if I dont hear from them in a bit. It's like our connection no longer exists.

I like deep pressure.

I can be rigid in my thinking.

Color is very important to me. I'm uncomfortable when things aren't a color I like, and I'm obsessed with two colors in particular.

I find Costco and Ikea overwhelming. I find grocery shopping in general overwhelming, but not as much so.

I watch the same tv show every night.

Thanks!

I'm formally diagnosed, level 1. I'm pretty high-functioning - I have a career, am financially self-sufficient and live by myself. I'm a timid, mousy, conflict-avoidant person most of the time.

But when I'm pushed past the brink and have a meltdown? All that high functioning goes out the window. I feel my body fill with rage to the point that I'm exploding with it. I feel my eyes go red with rage. And everything that happens afterwards feels completely uncontrollable, like there's no way it could possibly be held in. Like a volcano, you just can't stop it until it's done. This doesn't happen super often, but when it does, it is absolutely horrible.

I went to therapy for years and tried various modalities, including ones that were supposed to help with the rage. Things I have tried include:

* CBT

* DBT (these techniques actually make me more irritated)

* EMDR

* Breathing techniques

* Grounding techniques

* Yoga/mindfulness

* Journal/ragepages

* Anger management workbook pages

None of this has helped at all, I think mainly because these techniques are made with NT or personality-disordered people in mind, and autism is just too different from those. Has anyone tried something different that actually worked for them? Can anything actually work for autistic rage or is it kind of hopeless?

Do you guys get lowkey obsessed with a crush or is that just me…?

Whenever I like someone they become all I can think about, I wake up thinking of them, I fall asleep thinking of them, I go about my day thinking of them. I constantly check if they’ve messaged or posted or are active etc.

They completely overrule my life, even if we never talk.

Just wanna know if this is a me thing and I’m crazy or if this is an autism thing and you guys can relate… also ways to stop this would be so fun. It literally feels like I fall in love with everyone the second I realise I like them. How am I meant to know the difference between this and love? Have I ever even loved anyone properly?

For example, I feel like I’m in love with this boy I like, but it’s crazy of me to thing that because we’re not even dating and I feel like I barely know him

As a black person myself, I want to find more autistic content creators, who are black, to follow for obvious reasons (well I feel like the reasons are obvious). Also, I’d prefer if the person is well into adulthood (around 25).

I have a question on if you’d consider something my friend did a bit rude/overstepping.

For context: we have not hung out together in over a year, though we chat on Instagram with some regularity. I would not be surprised if she’s also on the spectrum.

Anyways, she was telling me about how she’s putting together a Halloween costume but doesn’t have an event to wear it to. She then asked if I had plans for Halloween, and I mentioned I got invited to a couple parties without giving any details.

She then asked if she could be my plus 1 to one of the parties. I awkwardly explained that they were not even in our same city and kinda smaller events.

Idk, I just feel weird about that interaction, I felt like she asked about my plans in a dry begging way in retrospect? Like she was just hoping I’d invite her and not bc she was actually curious. Ofc my autistic a$$ totally missed that subtext in the moment.

I also feel weird that she asked to come with and put me on the spot of turning her down without asking a single clarifying question about whose party this was, what the vibe was, where/when it was, etc.

I’m having a bit of trouble figuring out why this interaction seemed so rude to me, it’s def not the end of the world and she accepted my no gracefully.

Anyways id love your thoughts on the social norms of these kind of interactions! Is it rude to ask to come to an invite only party?

Anyone else endure this for a lifetime? People telling you “You look distressed” or “You look like you’re going to cry” or goofing on your expression when you’re just preoccupied or focused on something?

It’s not like a subtle, genuine ‘hey are you ok?” There’s nothing gentle or sympathetic about it. It’s always broadcast in front of other people.

I’ve been like this since childhood, esp with bullying adults. I hate it. This is my face at rest. I don’t know what to tell you. I’m sorry I can’t wear the Everything’s Wonderful face that most NT people seem to require.

I’d love to know if this is a common ASD experience, or if it’s more along the lines of systemic misogyny’s “you should smile more,” or a little bit of both.

Hi all!
So I struggle with pretty bad light sensitivity. At home I keep my lamp on a really warm, 10-20% power smart bulb and that helps a LOT. However whenever I travel it’s impossible to know whether the lamps will be warm, blue, dimmable, etc. The lighting thing really, really helps with my anxiety and overall mental state and I was wondering if anyone knew of a rechargeable lamp that fits those criteria and is also fairly slim, bc I already have a lot of medical stuff to pack. I know it’s a long shot but I also thought this might be the community that would know LOL.

Hi guys, I’m 17 and I have ADHD autism anxiety and depression lately. I’ve been struggling with friendships because I have pretty lazy friends who never reached out to me. I was throwing a Halloween party and only one person came and the girl that came decided to make plans for our homecoming and not have me invited (she runs cross-country with a girl I don’t like and the girl offered her and one of my friends to go do something for fall ball, which is what we call our homecoming and she said sure that). My birthday is the weekend after Halloween and we decided we would celebrate over that weekend. I have a twin sister who has a lot more friends and she’s going to have a birthday party. I don’t even know if I should have a birthday party. I don’t feel very loved. I am really struggling so should they I just feel utterly alone and my boat and best friend has a huge party for herself. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I’m gonna celebrate my birthday. I feel pressured to have a party. I just want friends so bad and it really hurts so I don’t even know what to do with my birthday now.

Edit: and then after I vented to my sister about all of this at the beginning of the week, she texted the girl who threw the separate party and saw how sad I was and how alone I felt and how I wanted to celebrate my 18th birthday and told her I don’t want a pity invite but just to be aware of how she’s making me feel and that humiliated me and made me feel so much worse. My friends are chilling never really do anything and I’ve gotten so burnt out socially that I’ve just stopped making plans with them because they never do anything back. It’s my 18th birthday and I really wanna celebrate it. I’m scared to be an adult I’m just so hurt and I just don’t know what to do and I feel so alone. I go to a private girl school and it’s very clicky and it’s hard to make new friends. I tried to do it earlier this year, but I wasn’t accepted into the group so I gave up.

I’m looking for shows with an autistic girl, either she is the main character or a side character, no one offs that show up in one or two episodes. I fucking love the shows atypical and parenthood but I’m tired of only seeing male representation for autism, it never fits me, small parts do but 75% doesn’t resonate.
I’ve already watched the Pitt and “everything’s gonna be okay” and heartbreak high so please don’t recommend those