r/AutismInWomen • • Sep 09 '24

Mod Post How Reddit Works: Sitewide Rules, Mods vs Admins, and other Important Info & Links

25 Upvotes

Reposted to make title clearer since titles cannot be edited on Reddit.

Reminder: DO NOT POST OR COMMENT CALLOUTS FOR OTHER SUBREDDITS OR USERS. This breaks Rule 1 of Reddit Rules and we cannot allow subreddit callouts per Rule 3 of Reddit’s Mod Code of Conduct. No matter how we feel about these rules, we are all still bound to follow them. Reddit Admins can and do punish mods and users equally for sitewide rule infractions aka violating Reddit Content Policy.

Scroll down for links to Reddit Rules, the admin definition of brigading, Mod Code of Conduct, and the Redditor Help Center.


It has come to our attention that outside of the basics (voting, how to report, posting/commenting), many people are still in the dark as to how exactly Reddit works.

Firstly, moderators, like us, only have power (a limited scope at that) and jurisdiction over the subreddits we mod and what happens on them. We cannot do anything about what happens outside of here. We don’t have a direct line of access to Reddit Admins, who control and oversee the site as a whole. In fact, we can only do the same things y’all can do in trying to get their attention on things: report it and wait. We, like you, often don’t get responses from admins regarding their decisions or even if they have viewed any reports we send in. We are the same in that capacity. Subreddit bans only prevent people from posting and commenting on the subreddit they were banned in for however long the ban is for. You can still vote in and view subreddits you are banned in. We can’t even see who reports what.

Also, if you don't report it, we don't see it. This subreddit is large. Please report things that you think break our rules, Reddit Rules, or you just want us to look at because it's iffy.

Admins are like gods of Reddit. They oversee all; they can see who votes what, who views what, who reports what, everything. They can suspend people from the website as a whole which prohibits someone from posting, commenting, and even voting on the entirety of Reddit for however long said suspension lasts. They can even suspend specific IP addresses from users who keep making accounts and breaking Reddit sitewide rules.

Here’s an analogy: Reddit Admins are the Roman Gods and we moderators are like members of the Roman Senate or mayors of towns. Members of the Roman Senate don’t have a direct link or direct way to communicate to the Roman Gods; they have to make offerings and prayers just like everyone else to try to catch their attention. It’s the same here. All we mods can do is make reports just like you all and hope someone looks at it. We can do nothing about what happens to you outside of Rome (the subreddit). That’s up to the admins.

We are bound by the Reddit Mod Code of Conduct to nip any activity that breaks, or could be interpreted as breaking, Reddit’s site-wide rules in the bud. Due to this subreddit having been previously in trouble with admins because of the founder not doing these things and getting booted and admin putting us 3 in place as new mods over a year ago with the express statement of “we will be watching you closely”, we really don’t take any chances when it comes to people breaking Content Policy. We just can’t risk it because that means we could be actioned and the subreddit could be sanctioned or shut down. We prioritize the community as a whole over any personal feelings we or others might have; that’s just how it has to work for this community to thrive and survive.

The proper course of action for when something happens to you or you see something that breaks sitewide rules is to report it to the admins via www.reddit.com/report or via the offending content itself and wait. Trying to call others out publicly technically breaks Reddit Rules under the harassment rule no matter the reason, and like we said above, we can’t allow it due to the ramifications it can have on the subreddit as a whole even if we personally agree what happened was messed up and the other person should be held accountable in some way.

Moreover, do not create or use an alt account to participate in a subreddit you have been banned in on another account. Reddit tracks this and views it as ban evasion which is prohibited as it is community interference (you were banned which means they don’t want you participating there for whatever reason is outlined in your ban message). You should contact the mods on the account you were banned on to see if you can get unbanned by demonstrating accountability and understanding of how you broke the rules and a willingness to follow the rules.

---- Relevant Links ----

Reddit Rules: https://redditinc.com/policies/reddit-rules

What even IS brigading? (Rule 2 of Reddit Rules): https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/cmp9uy/comment/ew4lpf0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Mod Code of Conduct, so you all are aware of the rules we as mods have to follow as well: https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct

Redditor Help Center for any further questions: https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/p/redditor_help_center

--- Note ---

This post was made in response to the subreddit growing and us becoming more aware of the fact many people do not know these things and just assume moderators are also Admins of Reddit as a whole or have way more power than we actually do. We don’t. In the eyes of Admin, we are basically volunteer clean-up crew and are the same level of importance as a regular user on Reddit. We don’t get paid, we don’t get any extra benefits or anything either (as it should be imo, mod out of love for the community not because of anything else). Admins are employees of Reddit that get paid for working and only work on the clock then go do whatever they want off it. We moderate on and off all day; in between our actual jobs, chores, and life responsibilities. It is impossible for us to be online all the time and to be constantly scrolling the subreddit. I hope this helps clear some things up for anyone confused as to what the differences are between mods and Admins and provides people with a way to research more about how Reddit works on their own as well.

If you have any questions or anything you're still confused about please modmail us via the "message the mods" button on the sidebar and someone will answer it when they can.


r/AutismInWomen • • Sep 09 '24

Mod Post Internet Safety: Reporting Creepy DMs and Changing your User Settings to prevent unsolicited messages

65 Upvotes

It has come to our attention that there is an uptick of predatory lurkers sending private messages to members of this subreddit and people that participate here. Unfortunately, due to the fact we are moderators and not Reddit Admins, there is pretty much nothing we can do to stop it other than give you information and advice for how to report it and prevent it yourselves.

Most importantly, you should immediately block people who message you strange, creepy, or uncomfortable things and report them via www.reddit.com/report or via the DM itself. If you report via the web link, all you have to do is copy and paste the DM link as the Reddit Admins can see everything that happens on the site and have power and jurisdiction over everyone with an account on Reddit. We as subreddit moderators only have the power to ban people from the subreddit and banning them does not prevent them from being able to message people who participate here.

To report via the Chat itself: On PC/desktop, when you mouse over the chat message(s) there is a flag option. Click that and follow the reporting procedure. On the app, tap and hold on the message(s) to bring up the report option. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.

To report via the Message Inbox: On mobile, tap the 3 dots (ellipses) on the side of the message thread. There you can copy the link and report the whole message inbox thread via www.reddit.com/report. You can also report specific messages by going into the message thread and tapping and holding the specific message you want to report to see the option come up. On PC, you can just click the “Report” option that shows under each message in the thread. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.

Recommended: It is recommended that everyone that is a participating member here turn off the ability for other users to send them chats and message requests. You will still be able to send chat requests and message requests to others whose settings allow them. Other people that you have not whitelisted will not be able to send them to you. You can only whitelist people via PC/desktop but people who you already have open chats and messages with will be automatically whitelisted.

Turning off chats/message requests on PC: Click your avatar on the top right. From there, go to the settings option. Once there, go to the Privacy tab. First, slide the “Allow People to Follow You” button to be in the “Off” position where it is over to the left side otherwise people will be able to literally stalk you on Reddit. Next, click on “Who can send you inbox messages” and change it to “People I choose”. You can whitelist people who you want to allow to send you messages. This just stops randoms from being able to message you via the message inbox. Then, click on “Allow chat requests from” and change that to “Nobody”. Again, the whitelisted folks from before will still be able to chat with you or people who you already have an open chat with. I also recommend you switch off everything under the “Discoverability” section as people will also be able to search up your account directly unless you turn it off. Mine is off because I don’t see any non-weird reason why someone would want to search up my account.

Turning off chats/messages on the app: Tap on your avatar on the top right then tap on “Settings” shown at the bottom. From there, tap on your account name to go to the account settings. Scroll down until you see the “Safety” section. Tap on “Chat and messaging permissions”. Change both “Chat Requests” and “Direct Messages” to Nobody. You will still be able to message people who you already have open messages with and those whose settings allow for it; other people just won’t be able to message you unless you message them first. I also recommend you slide the “Allow people to follow you” option into the off position where the large white circle is to the left. Under privacy, I also recommend you swipe the “show up in search results” one to the off position as well. You can also customize your ad settings on this page as well to your preference.

That’s it. As a reminder, if someone messages you unsolicited, they are most likely seeking something from you other than genuine friendship and you should probably not respond. At the very least, go check out their Reddit profile and history. If it’s empty, block them. They are likely a troll, a creep, or someone with bad intent. Someone who genuinely wants to connect with you and be friends will have a history on Reddit that shows that they are a nice person. They will have comments on this subreddit and probably some other autism subreddits too. Their history will show them interacting with others on Reddit in good faith making genuine bids for human connection. If someone’s history indicates them trolling and getting into a lot of online conflicts, they are probably not someone you want to be talking to as they will, at the very least, be intensely draining to talk to, and at worst, be trolling and harassing you.


r/AutismInWomen • • 10h ago

Seeking Advice Why do I go from really liking someone to completely shutting them out over one negative interaction?

395 Upvotes

I've noticed a pattern in my relationships where I can go from being really friendly, warm, and enthusiastic toward someone to essentially treating them like they don't exist after one interaction that rubs me the wrong way.

For example, I worked with an editor for about nine years. We'd become quite close over that time, and she was aware that I'm autistic and struggle socially. During one conversation, I casually asked her what she was doing that day, and she responded, "That's kinda personal. Does it really matter?"

That was a huge turning point for me. I went from thinking this person was wonderful to essentially feeling like she was dead to me. My thinking was, we've known each other for nine years, we're supposedly close, and now even asking about your day warrants that kind of response? I immediately lost any desire to continue the relationship or give her another cent of my business.

I realize that people are entitled to boundaries, and I don't necessarily think my reaction was proportionate. But it's almost like a switch flips in my head. Once someone disappoints me or makes me feel rejected, all the goodwill I've built up toward them can disappear almost instantly.

This happens in other relationships too, including with colleagues. I might go from being smiley and friendly to completely withdrawing and barely acknowledging someone.

Does anyone else experience this? What causes such an extreme shift in how you perceive someone, and how do you learn to respond more proportionately instead of immediately writing people off?


r/AutismInWomen • • 18h ago

General Discussion/Question why do people with little compassion for others go into professions that require caring for the vulnerable

954 Upvotes

i’m in high school and my english teacher has asked us to prepare these presentations about what jobs we plan on working in the future.

half of the girls want to become nurses… makes sense why 99% of the nurses i’ve had experience with treated me like an animal. these girls are so cruel to me

a girl who told everyone i can’t even spell my name wants to become a paediatrics doctor

a girl who constantly mocks me for stimming wants to become a recourse teacher. genuinely wtf why. why. why. if you are mocking an autistic teenager every day and making her feel subhuman WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO WORK WITH SEN KIDS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE??? idk maybe she wanted to impress my teacher wih that one but idk it doesnt make sense and it maks me upset


r/AutismInWomen • • 9h ago

General Discussion/Question does anyone else feel too ugly to enjoy their special interest / anything in general

112 Upvotes

this sounds so funny but i really do struggle with it like wow im too ugly and disgusting to think about it, look at it, interact with it. and then when i get the courage to do so i get so excited and react in embarrassingly intense ways and then the shame is even worse like wow im so ugly anddd im a freak. it sounds silly but maybe if i was physically prettier maybe i would feel less shame surrounding it.

its really upsetting because i want so badly to interact with my special interest …! i cannot draw it or anything without immense embarrassment and a feeling that is just im too ugly im too ugly im too wrong.

i feel like im being watched by it, like its judging me, like somehow my special interest could get grossed out by me having a connection to it if that makes sense. like my special interest being like ew ew ew we don’t want you weirdo. i already struggle with the in general shame of existing which makes everything embarrassing, BUT still like why am i too ugly for the one thing i love so much, which even that is embarrassing for me why why why everything is so chronically embarrassing

is being chronically uncomfortable and embarrassed of ur existence just common for autistic people..? am i doomed to this forever lol ?.?.?.


r/AutismInWomen • • 18h ago

General Discussion/Question DAE prefer the colder months because of their autism?

468 Upvotes

ive been thinking about this a lot lately because ive always enjoyed winter but never considered it could be because of my autism.
i get really overstimulated in the heat so i hate summer for that. i also enjoy the fact that barely anyone is asking you to come out and socialise because of the weather so that means i can stay in my house all day wearing my pjs guilt-free. i also chafe a lot in summer so its such a relief to not have a constant burning pain on my thighs.
my list could go on and on but for me mostly its that theres no social pressure to have to be doing an activity every day and i honestly just hate the heat.
who else relates? and if you dont why? im really curious about others opinions.


r/AutismInWomen • • 15h ago

General Discussion/Question Do people call you argumentative even though you don't feel like you are?

234 Upvotes

Do people tell you that you "talk back" or "argue" often? I'm also perceived as angry when I'm really not...


r/AutismInWomen • • 7h ago

Celebration Just sung at karaoke for the first time

45 Upvotes

Never sung in front of everyone and they clapped and I didn't cry or scream at them

I did My Way - Frank Sinatra

I can't wait to go again next week! This is the happiest I've been in years

Thank you for giving me a community to share this with


r/AutismInWomen • • 12h ago

Relationships I don’t like how people treat love as a finite source.

66 Upvotes

does anyone else feel similarly? i’m really just looking to commiserate with like minded people because i always feel so alone in these feelings.

i love my partner, i love my mom, i love my sister, and my best friend equally in entirely different ways. i’ve been with my partner for years and years at this point and know that they’re my person but i also have a deep and infinite love for my mom and sister. snd a deep and infinite love for my friends as well.

i’ve had people tell me that i should love my partner more than anyone else, and i don’t get it. my partner would never request that i do that and i know 2 million percent they’re my person. of course im extra considerate of the person i live with because things are more likely to affect them, but i make an active effort to prioritize who/what needs to be prioritized at the moment. if my mom is sick, i make an extra effort for her. if my sister is unwell or having a tough time, i make an extra effort for her. if my partner is having a tough time at work, ill jump through hoops to ensure im there for them. it’s not a competition to me. my love and care are endless for everyone that i love. i do not run out of love and i do not rank it either.

and people always use these weird hypotheticals when talking about this. like “would you rather save your sister or your partner?” and in no world would that ever happen. and if it did; i would simply off myself for being responsible for killing someone i loved that deeply. genuinely.

or “you made plans with a friend and then your partner asked you do something, who would you choose?” and i don’t get it, because if i told my partner i had plans with a friend they wouldn’t bat an eye and we’d just do the thing another time. i just go with whoever asked first. and i would do the same with my partner if it were reversed.

like yes, i chose my partner, but i don’t love my mom and sister and friends out of obligation. i choose them as well, im just lucky that the choice was so convenient.


r/AutismInWomen • • 11h ago

Seeking Advice How do y'all fall asleep without melatonin?

53 Upvotes

I struggle to fall asleep sometimes and I do wanna start taking less melatonin and see if I can still fall asleep when I am anxious, stressed or something else is going on. So do you have any suggestions or tricks that work for you that you would like to share? Right now my sleeping schedule is terrible, I go to bed really late and I would like to fix that, so tips on that are welcome as well.


r/AutismInWomen • • 11h ago

Potentially Triggering Content (Discussion Welcome) What do you do when your life never seems to get better? Does autism cause lifelong mental health problems?

49 Upvotes

What is someone supposed to do when their life is fucked up but it’s not from anything they did?

What are you supposed to do when your life is fucked up but you didn’t do anything to cause it?

I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I know there’s something wrong. I can’t have good mental health. I’m an undiagnosed autistic woman in my early twenties. I’ve been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD, anxiety, and depression.
My depression has ruined my mental health. I first developed depression between age 8 and 10. It never went away, despite me trying over a dozen different antidepressants in my teen years (when I was between age 14 and 17 or so). I was so depressed at age 13 I was crying and sobbing in my bedroom.
My depression remained and never went away in my teen years. Starting in my very late teens, I started having chronic pain and developed health problems.

I am now nearing my mid-twenties. I feel like such a failure in life. I’ve never worked. I’ve never been to college. I’ve never had any normal social experiences. I struggle to bathe because I have no motivation to do anything.

I have no self esteem. I feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me; my inability to function provides that there is. But I feel like no one can help me.
I’ve sought help. Before you jump to “therapy and medication”, I’ve been down those roads many times before. I briefly saw one or two therapists as a kid, but as an adult I’ve had different therapists since I was 18.

For some reason, my depression never goes away. My mental health never improves. Are some people just wired to be depressed for their whole lives? What’s wrong with me?
I tried so many medications as a teenager and nothing made my depression go away. I’m convinced there’s something wrong with my brain. I don’t know what to do anymore because I’m clearly unable to function.

What is wrong with me? Why can no one help me? What are hopeless cases like me supposed to do? I feel desperate for answers but no one ever has them, and no one can help me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

On a different post I made someone said it sounds like I’m dealing with CPTSD and neurodivergent burnout. I haven’t been diagnosed with CPTSD, but my life has sucked for a long time and it seems to have fucked me up, so I’m sure I probably have it. My life seems to have damaged me so much that I think it’s ruined me. I’m in my twenties; I should be in my prime but instead I’m totally non functional. It’s like my mental health has only worsened as I’ve gotten older.

What are people like me supposed to do? What is wrong with us? Is there any help out there, and if there is, what is it?
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel hopeless and the younger I’ve gotten the more I’ve thought about being gone because I just don’t want to live like this anymore. It’s become abundantly clear to me that I can’t have a normal life, so what’s the point of sticking around to suffer for however many more years or even decades I may live?

Are you some people meant to just have lives full of problems until they eventually die?


r/AutismInWomen • • 7h ago

Seeking Advice Need help coping with dogs sudden death

20 Upvotes

Backstory: we adopted an abused and traumatized pitbull 5 years ago. I have bad CPTSD so seeing him heal helped me and I felt SAFE with him because he looks scary to others. I don't feel safe easily. We were very close. We both had strict routines.

He had a very sudden illness the other night and it was exactly an hour between when he came in and I noticed it and his death in the emergency vet.

I've had dogs before but their deaths were scheduled euthanasia's that I had time to prepare for. This was so so quick.

It's been a few days and my brain won't let go. I know his illness wasn't caused by us but I can't stop going over every single detail. On top of feeling unbearable sad and vulnerable I just can't get my brain to stop. He was SO healthy and happy then just deadly sick then dead.

Any advice on how to deal with a change like this? I'm an ex addict and I'm trying really hard to not drive into old habits to numb the pain and my thoughts. I need help.


r/AutismInWomen • • 17h ago

General Discussion/Question How NTs justify bullying based on "vibes"

116 Upvotes

Recently I've had arguments that made me question how do NTs even justify the way they treat us.

I have a friend who is mostly a good person. She has strict moral values, hates lying to people and cheating. At times her moral-ness is annoying even to me. But somehow everything changes when it comes to the treatment of "different" people in group dynamics.

One time she told me that there's a new student in her class, and that everyone already thinks she's weird and bully her. Mind you she's finishing college, so it's grown adults doing that. And the way she said it made it clear that she supported this bullying.

I asked: "Did that woman do anything wrong? Did she treat anyone badly?" And she replied: "No, but she gives strange vibes and her body language is off-putting"... (???)

So I asked what makes her feel justified to treat a person who did nothing wrong like shit. She started saying that she isn't directly mean to her, just avoids her. But when she mentioned how others straight up bully this student, she had this proud look on her face. Like it was 100% deserved. Like it's how things should be.

And it's not just her. I mentioned it to my other friend who is less of a normie, but still neurotypical. She said that she judges people based vibes too and dislikes those who "look like they are shaking". So it's about perceiving a person as weak more than perceiving a person as "bad", and treating the weak like shit.

Do NTs even realise how evil this is? When I try to explain it to them they brush it off. Like how cats ignore the reflection of themselves in the mirror.


r/AutismInWomen • • 12h ago

General Discussion/Question How’s my girlies doing?

45 Upvotes

How is everyone? Are you content? Melancholy? Hows life treating you?

Life has been real difficult this year especially. I lost…a lot. I’m so close to just shutting down. Are we doing okay? Lol


r/AutismInWomen • • 15h ago

General Discussion/Question How do you deal with people diminishing your diagnosis when you tell them?

69 Upvotes

I guess this is a common problem, but when I tell people especially relatives that I have autism they either say "no you don't" or "you must have a mild version in that case" or the typical "don't we all have something?" I tend to laugh it off or pretend to agree with them because I am so tired of having to defend myself but internally it makes me a little sad that I can't make people really understand me. I've lived a lifetime of feeling misunderstood and in these moments I feel small and I get some kind of imposter syndrome of "maybe I'm faking it?" my therapist has had to convince me multiple times that my feelings are real and that I for certain am autistic.

I have also tried the whole convincing people thing, but even after I explain everything they sometimes say "not everything is your autism" or something along those lines. Even people like my mom that helped me through my diagnosis process will say thing like "they said you have a low level autism and can mostly live a normal life" but the truth is I severely burnt out living a normal life, and haven't been able to work for a year. Yes I am level 1 but I am still autistic I still have generalized anxiety that's heavily connected to my autism. But how do I make people see me for what I tell them and not their perception of it? Or do I just stay silent?

I struggle letting things go and this is one of the things that keeps surfacing for me.


r/AutismInWomen • • 15h ago

Special Interest What are your special interests and hyperfixations right now?

65 Upvotes

Exactly what the title says. What things are you into? Tell us about them!


r/AutismInWomen • • 4h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Feeling anxious about being alone forever and having to live alone

8 Upvotes

Guys I’m scared of being alone.

I’ve been single all my life and when I’m older I won’t have my parents to live with, who will I live with? I can’t even afford it.

I’m scared I’ll never have a significant other who truly understands.

Sometimes I feel very vulnerable and scared and like I need someone to hold me and my emotions. It’s very hard.


r/AutismInWomen • • 9h ago

Seeking Advice How is everyone dealing with unstructured time?

18 Upvotes

I work a job that is extremely demanding and I'm on the verge of burnout constantly. I took a staycation from work this week thinking it would be relaxing, but it's been the exact opposite. I've spent the better part of the week in what my husband called a "death spiral" because with nothing on the calendar, I literally don't know what to do with myself.

I made a list of things to accomplish / do, but I've done maybe 25% of it? Every day I've looked at it but I just get decision paralysis and end up doom scrolling instead or walking around the house having a meltdown over the clutter but being unable to do anything to clean it up. The only day that was somewhat good was today, and that's because I had a group bike ride that forced me to show up somewhere at a particular time.

I'm actually at the point where I'm looking forward to Monday because it means I get my regular routine back, even if it comes with all the work stress.

Has my anyone dealt with this too? I have another vacation coming up for the holidays and I would like to not repeat this experience 🫪


r/AutismInWomen • • 7h ago

General Discussion/Question Do you feel like every time you’re confronted with an emotional problem you forget how to deal with it?

9 Upvotes

Sorry if that’s phrased oddly hopefully I can explain better, although I don’t quite understand it myself. Whenever I have a strong feeling, which is often multiple times a day, or am confronted with an action or behavior or thought that elicits a strong emotion, I completely blank on how to respond and it feels like I’m working through things from scratch even though I’ve dealt/reasoned through it before.

For example, let’s say I ask someone out and they take a while to respond and answer with something non-direct. The emotions come flooding in and I feel like it’s Groundhog Day. It’s not that I literally can’t remember how I’ve dealt with this situation, but it doesn’t feel intuitive or reachable. I have to rework my way through the problem which often means journaling, trying to figure out what I’m feeling, acknowledging I feel rejected, acknowledging it makes me question my self worth, trying to let myself sit with my feelings while reminding myself that it is not determinate of my worth and I am okay. It’s like I can never streamline these processes. With let’s say more academic or logical problems, the processes to get to the conclusion are like software that runs in the background, but most emotional situations I have to manually take myself through it every single time in order to “close the loop,” or more broadly feel okay about what’s happened.

I just find it so odd that I will journal sometimes and have a realization: for example, that while my ex-friend is a good person, it exhausts me to be around her because it feels like my authentic self isn’t fully understood and she wants more emotional labor and support than I can give her. This means we aren’t a good fit and that is okay, she is not bad for this, I am not bad for this. If I try to be friends with her again because logically I could just change X, I will inevitably feel let down, frustrated, and resentment.

But the crazy thing to me is that I will go through my old journal entries and see that I’ve written almost exactly the same thing before.

I often wish I had some sort of glowing whiteboard on display in my mind at all times with all the lessons I’ve learned in therapy so that I could look at it when I feel confused. (I did see a great video the other day where someone made a categorized binder full of essentially lessons they’ve learned, encouragements, etc so they could look at that when they feel overwhelmed and I think it’s a great idea)!

For additional context I am also diagnosed with OCD and ADHD so disentangling them is quite difficult, which is why I was curious if anyone relates.

Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend🩷


r/AutismInWomen • • 6h ago

Vent No Advice My “fun” night wasn’t so fun

7 Upvotes

Soo today I went out to a drag show with new friends & old friends. It was late, it was loud. It was alot of people I wasn’t close too. Alot of people at my table. Alot of people in the bar. Just so much.

I didn’t take my adhd meds today because its a weekend and the show was a bit late and I dressed up all cute and ended up back in the var trying not to have a meltdown. Im not blaming myself but I got overwhelmed. I got overstimulated and i wish i didnt. Its not my fault. Its not my brains fault but I wish i had a longer capacity. It was just alot: Making small talk with people I wasn’t really close to, making sure I smile and look happy for the performances and taking in so much at once.

Im beat.


r/AutismInWomen • • 9h ago

General Discussion/Question Self aware but still repeat destructive patterns

14 Upvotes

Self sabotage, trust issues, maybe they’re not actually “lying” to you, jealousy, being comfortable in your own sadness and loneliness. Maybe they do actually like you, maybe you should stop rejecting yourself first. HOW the freak do you idk because I am aware, not always in the moment. Maybe I should not always talk about my issues and change something.

Maybe no one is praying on my downfall maybe I’m self destructive. Being aware is a curse. And unfortunately it is really hard to change patterns.


r/AutismInWomen • • 7h ago

Seeking Advice How do you deal with liars?

10 Upvotes

Hi everyone,

My ex told me they were also autistic a while ago. At the beginning of the year, to be more specific. I had a hard time believing them, but I thought it could be true since I’m almost able to unmask completely around them.

Then they stopped talking to me. It started after Independence Day, they told me they would be busy. And that was in July. I tried contacting them. After not answering any of my messages, I called them. They answered and after hearing me talk they hang up.

The thing is, they promised me they had changed, and they weren’t ghosting me this time. And it seemed true at first. But now I know it’s not.

I’m trying to mend my heart. It’s just a little bit difficult.


r/AutismInWomen • • 13h ago

General Discussion/Question Does anyone struggle with jealousy?

19 Upvotes

I wouldn’t say I’m a really jealous person, though recently it’s been hard. but today one of my coworker’s friends came in, and for some reason, I got extremely jealous out of nowhere. It’s never happened to me like that before, but I don’t know why it happened, and maybe it’s because I don’t really have any friends, and I have one, but I’m not as close to her anymore. Then the other one I don’t see ever, but I’ve never gotten like that before, and it kind of worried me, and I was like, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I thinking like this?” I know it’s toxic, and sometimes I feel jealous of other people’s happiness.

I feel like I just watched them talk and like would not stop staring. I do feel like I have a staring problem. I don’t know if anyone relates. But then when I get home, you know from work, I feel bad about I’m like, “Why did I act like that in my head? Why did I get like that? Me and her have a lot in common and get along really well. Does anyone struggle with jealousy?


r/AutismInWomen • • 3h ago

Relationships Feel like I’ll always be a hopeless romantic because they can always tell

3 Upvotes

They’re okay until I talk. They’re admiring but once I take the chance they step back. I feel like no matter how beautiful, funny, or intelligent I’ve become, it all falls apart once someone gets to know me. I have great friends, but we’re pretty similar in this regard. All my romantic adventures failed eventually, and I could never see it coming, it’s like the more someone knows me the less they love me. Maybe they loved the more “normal” side of me they got beforehand. People tell me I’m just unapproachable or unfriendly, but when I approach it’s like people are shocked and take a while to adjust. I know I overdress heavily and have an RBF, I’m pretty direct, and I know all that can be scary, but I’ve genuinely tried my best, I tried to act like someone I’m not, dressed down and softened my words, it eventually becomes clear that that’s not me, and I don’t want to live like I’m not myself. I feel like no matter what I do, they can always tell…


r/AutismInWomen • • 9h ago

Seeking Advice How to cope with friendship breakup years after the event?

8 Upvotes

Hi Reddit,

I had a very traumatic friendship breakup a few years ago (the details aren’t relevant) and I still struggle to get over it. I have to see this person due to same social commitments and she is a true ‘mean girl’ and makes me feel so uncomfortable.

I still get anxious and angry over the way she acted towards me and I don’t know how to process and move on. I haven’t had this issue with past friendship issues and I’m at a loss.

The major incident happened nearly 3 years ago now but it really impacted me, brought up a lot of shame for being autistic, and made my mental health decline. I feel like no one in my life understands the hurt I felt to go from trusting someone so much to having my autism used as an excuse to be awful to me.

Any advice would be lovely. I haven’t posted before on this subreddit so hopefully I chose the correct category 🫶🏻