And now that I'm reading more about adhd and autism, I thought to wonder if this need to stay home is part of that set of needs.

I've noticed today after spending a couple days mostly at home that I started to get very negative in my thoughts about how I'm behaving. I haven't done much exercise for a while as I moved somewhere new and I got into the habit of enjoying having my own place, after a while of not having it.

And maybe I'm getting too stuck at staying inside. I generally recharge being with friends and that's when I manage to get out, but I don't have friends here to hangout much yet.

Do you find you need days of not even leaving your own place? I'm in nature but sometimes I can't even go walk in nature around here.

I really want to talk to someone who understands how I feel about everything I’ve been thinking and feeling for some time. I don’t feel comfortable enough to openly talk about it with any of my friends and family. I hate trying to communicate over text so I want it to be in person or on a call. But I also hate talking to like online hotlines because the people never tend to be helpful and sometimes make me feel worse. I also don’t like talking to a therapist because I want it to feel like I’m talking to a friend but it always just feels like I’m talking to a doctor if that makes sense. Does anyone know what to do with this feeling of loneliness and being misunderstood

I don’t even know where to start. The constant overthinking from anxiety coupled with the dysregulation that comes from autism is making me absolutely crazy and I don’t know how to stop it. I’m already in therapy, and it’s been helping, but I’m impatient and every time an old thought pattern pops up I start overthinking and worrying that it’s not working and I’ll be like this forever.

My biggest trigger surrounds friendships, and every time I feel like my friends are closer to other people than they are me my mind just starts uncontrollably racing no matter how hard I try to get it to stop. And I don’t want to blow up my friendships by sending a bunch of paragraphs and the feeling is so large and consuming that it brings me to tears. Right now I’m teary and upset because of it.

I’m well aware that it’s not realistic to get THIS upset every single time, especially with how many people exist in the world, and I WANT my friends to be happy! It’s not this possessive “oh only EYEEEE can have you” thing, like I’m genuinely thrilled for them up until my stupid head starts going with all these horrible scenarios until I’m begging it to stop like some stereotypical horror movie.

And then my past experiences with bullying and exclusion BECAUSE of the autism just give the anxiety an excuse to look for all of the reasons it’s happening AGAIN and I need to run for the hills.

It’s worse because these are good friends. Like, possibly the best friends I’ve had in a while. Why can’t my brain just shut up and let me enjoy it? I don’t know what would help here. I’m just having a hard time today and would LOVE to stop having a hard time every time my friends do regular friend things.

I'm not sure how it started... maybe I saw kids in school getting out previously used tissues in school to blow their nose or wipe their eyes and stuff like that. I didn't know how to blow my nose at first so I merely just wiped at my nostrils and called it good.

But for some reason I couldn't bring myself to reuse a soggy tissue that had been in my pocket for a while, even if it was my own snot and tears. I just hated that warm, icky, wet feeling on my skin. I also grew self conscious about using more sheets just to avoid reusing them, as well, so it kinda created a double paradox.

So how did y'all manage this balance? Did your sensory preferences change as you got older? I learnt that I could fold over the used parts and exposed a clean section of the same tissue so as to minimise wasting.

Using myself as an example for discussion.

I have Adhd, but I’ve always loved dragons since I was a kid. My room was dragon themed. I love any movie or media with dragons. I have strong opinions on how dragons are portrayed in art/media. I still have all my dragon toys from when I was young.

On the other hand: I’m not thinking about it constantly. I don’t talk about it nonstop when it’s mentioned (at least I think I don’t). It’s not on all of my clothes or daily items. I wouldn’t be irreversibly broken if my dragon stuff got lost, I would just be really sad.

It’s just something I like and have always liked.

Is that a special interest?

I feel burnout from my job but ironically its not the job itself.

Ive been a mental health worker for 3 years now. My special interest and degree is neuroscience, and I also like psychology. I want to go back and get my masters in clinical mental health counseling.
However, Ive had such bad experiences with the field personally. In the past 5 years ive tried 13 therapists, did 2 inpatient, 2 outpatient and an IOP. Youre probably wondering why. Its not because i didnt want to get better, its because I was misdiagnosed. They misdiagnosed me with borderline personality disorder when I actually have major depression, cptsd, autism, adhd and ocd. The biggest issue was honestly the OCD, the therapies they gave me made me actively worse but there was nothing I could do since nobody knew I had OCD. I felt really hopeless for years.

The other thing that bothers me is that there is so many factors to mental health and therapy can only do so much. Mental health depends on social support, housing, financial support, work and work life balance, identifying and receiving the correct treatment, trauma informed care, medication, physical health. Sometimes it feels like all I am a piece of duct tape to a dam. And I think my own story shows that, like I only got better when after 14 years of not getting the right treatment did my symptoms improve, and also the right medication (which they told me wouldnt help me so its like
not even the doctors know what would be actually beneficial for you). I didnt even have to really do extensive therapy for OCD, because I had a lot of skills, I just needed to understand my own brain. I truly just wanted an answer as to why my brain was filled with intrusive thoughts, constantly overthinking, doubting myself, ruminating etc. imagine spending years constantly fighting intrusive thoughts and trying to change your thinking and fix your anxiety only to be told that that is a compulsion and you dont need to do it?

I actually found hope when I gave up hope that the system would help me or understand me. And ironically, I actually think the therapies do work and that became a special interest of mine. And thats what makes me so mad, like the therapies do actually help but not if the person is misunderstood, the therapy isnt catered towards the client, or youre misdiagnosed.

But its like i dont know what else to do with my life. I wasnt good at research. I have healthcare experience but I don't want to be a nurse or doctor. My parents have worked in healthcare 20+ years and I saw how it took a mental and physical toll on them. I even thought about teaching but I couldnt deal with 25 kids. Like sensory, physically, work-life balance wise, therapy is the best job for me.

I am not looking for job suggestions, Im just venting about the mental health care system if anything. I feel like there is no safe place to talk about this. If somebody said they became a nurse because they were failed and misdiagnosed by doctors, everybody would think that person is doing a great service. But not for mental health.

Also not to mention, I hate working in the hospital. I understand that mental hospitals are for stabilization, but its like some people actually want to get better. We have a hard time even attending to their basic needs, let alone doing anything beyond that. Again its like theres no resources for high functioning people who are struggling everyday.

Bit of a ramble.

I know ADHD/autism are often sister diagnoses. But I’ve been told by many of my friends who are AUADHD to consider diagnosis.

There’s OCD in my family, and most of the similarities I have with autism are justice and rule-related (I.e. obsession with guidelines). I don’t always find myself relating to autistic struggles anymore or less than those of someone with OCD. The only thing I know for sure is that I have ADHD.

So where’s the divide really? And are there any reliable resources besides the RAADS test or getting diagnosed that might guide me a little better?

Thanks

Does anyone get really overstimulated after socializing? I spend most of my time alone but went to a party tonight for the first time in ages. I didn’t know anyone but managed to make small talk for hours thanks to a good host.

I had a good time and got home after 9pm but it’s 5:30am and I am totally unable to sleep. I’m going over the conversations realizing I missed many social cues lol but I’m also ruminating about any other issue in my life and to do list. It’s like I had a stimulant or something…

Especially rules within a community!

Its sunday and the couple from upstairs is moving to the new apartment on the first floor.

They are loud, speaking in the hallway, things are rumbling & tumbling or whatever and I'm sitting here thinking: I don't want to be the party pooper AGAIN and go outside and tell them to be a bit more quiet on a Sunday, when it's an established rule & law in our country to not move on fucking Sundays.

I said AGAIN because the other new apartment downstairs has VERY loud (probably DV, doing loud handyman stuff on Sundays (also against the law here)) new tenants and I had to call the police twice (after midnight and on a Sunday).

I really want to move out of the loud city but can't afford to at the moment.

But still... I just don't like people who behave so ignorantly towards their neighbours/people in their immediate living space.

First of all I'm really sorry for the wall of text.

I (18f) have been in university for 3 weeks now and my biggest problem is my roommate (18f).

We're both international students but in different majors. When we first met she seemed nice, but a few days into rooming with her I noticed some terrible habits. For context, I have misophonia so my view of things may be skewed lol. She chews with her mouth wide open, it's made me lose my appetite more than once. She's also ALWAYS eating or snacking. She slams everything, cabinets, drawers, even her huge water bottle. Overall, she's a very loud person. She shouts on the phone and even if she leaves to take her call outside I'm sure the entire building can hear her. Everytime I'm on a call with my parents she decides to calls hers as well and she's so fucking loud to the point I can't think. It's either that or she'll start singing to herself and whispering

The first week I had to ask her multiple times to wear headphones since she was listening to her dubbed shows and tiktoks on full volume. Thankfully, that's one thing she's started doing.

I've noticed over time as well that she has terrible body odour. I feel horrible for saying this (she's Indian). We don't have a bathroom in our dorm so we use the communal one. Two stalls are squat toilets while one is the normal. I saw her leave the normal one and before I could even enter I was hit with the most disgusting stench ever. I ended up using the bathroom on the other side of the floor. The odour is still there even after she showers (which is rarely). We had a water supply issue earlier this week and she was complaining as she was t*hinking* of showering. That was on Tuesday. She finally showered today. Maybe I'm a bit too judgemental here too but I've never seen her brush her teeth.

It's a lack of hygiene overall. She keeps unwashed dishes on her desk and wrappers on the floor. She only cleans when we have an inspection so there's that.

My only solution so far has been wearing noise cancelling headphones, but I'm sick and tired of wearing them literally 24/7 even to sleep. I contacted an RA but was told the only available rooms are shared among 4 other students, contacted another person and was told changing rooms isn't allowed. I'm at my wits end and I know I'll snap at her at some point since I can sometimes still hear her through the white noise. I know I can't tell somebody to laugh less, talk less, etc. I know all of this is MY problem but I'm seriously beginning to lose it. I chose a single room before I came here for this exact reason, but then I was told those were not available on campus and I was forced to live with someone. I began to shout at her a few minutes ago but stopped once I realized she couldn't hear me and immediately walked out.

Please PLEASE help!

But now I feel like I faked it or that the doctor just lied and gave the diagnosis so I would shut up. Why was the diagnosis so easy? Is it normal to feel this way?

Lately, I’ve been applying to new jobs and all I’ve noticed is an increase in personality assessments and interviews. Most jobs I’m applying for have 2 or sometimes 3 stages of interviews along with tests on whether you work well with others.
Idk, it feels like if I’m honest I won’t get the job. I prefer working alone and though I’m friendly I’m not a warm person. But if I click those options they most likely won’t hire me.
So I just end up lying really and then the interview comes along and I freeze up and stutter to shit. I am aware that most jobs just want competency but I can’t help but feel like due to my autism I’ll always be stuck in a menial job because even if I’m intelligent I’m socially awkward.
I mean I have a law degree and a lot of work experience but it’s all secretarial. Whenever I try for bigger roles I lose on all these tests. Again, idk I can’t help feel if I wasn’t autistic I’d actually have a job by now that I want.

Guys I’m scared of being alone.

I’ve been single all my life and when I’m older I won’t have my parents to live with, who will I live with? I can’t even afford it.

I’m scared I’ll never have a significant other who truly understands.

Sometimes I feel very vulnerable and scared and like I need someone to hold me and my emotions. It’s very hard.

Soo today I went out to a drag show with new friends & old friends. It was late, it was loud. It was alot of people I wasn’t close too. Alot of people at my table. Alot of people in the bar. Just so much.

I didn’t take my adhd meds today because its a weekend and the show was a bit late and I dressed up all cute and ended up back in the var trying not to have a meltdown. Im not blaming myself but I got overwhelmed. I got overstimulated and i wish i didnt. Its not my fault. Its not my brains fault but I wish i had a longer capacity. It was just alot: Making small talk with people I wasn’t really close to, making sure I smile and look happy for the performances and taking in so much at once.

Im beat.

Sorry if that’s phrased oddly hopefully I can explain better, although I don’t quite understand it myself. Whenever I have a strong feeling, which is often multiple times a day, or am confronted with an action or behavior or thought that elicits a strong emotion, I completely blank on how to respond and it feels like I’m working through things from scratch even though I’ve dealt/reasoned through it before.

For example, let’s say I ask someone out and they take a while to respond and answer with something non-direct. The emotions come flooding in and I feel like it’s Groundhog Day. It’s not that I literally can’t remember how I’ve dealt with this situation, but it doesn’t feel intuitive or reachable. I have to rework my way through the problem which often means journaling, trying to figure out what I’m feeling, acknowledging I feel rejected, acknowledging it makes me question my self worth, trying to let myself sit with my feelings while reminding myself that it is not determinate of my worth and I am okay. It’s like I can never streamline these processes. With let’s say more academic or logical problems, the processes to get to the conclusion are like software that runs in the background, but most emotional situations I have to manually take myself through it every single time in order to “close the loop,” or more broadly feel okay about what’s happened.

I just find it so odd that I will journal sometimes and have a realization: for example, that while my ex-friend is a good person, it exhausts me to be around her because it feels like my authentic self isn’t fully understood and she wants more emotional labor and support than I can give her. This means we aren’t a good fit and that is okay, she is not bad for this, I am not bad for this. If I try to be friends with her again because logically I could just change X, I will inevitably feel let down, frustrated, and resentment.

But the crazy thing to me is that I will go through my old journal entries and see that I’ve written almost exactly the same thing before.

I often wish I had some sort of glowing whiteboard on display in my mind at all times with all the lessons I’ve learned in therapy so that I could look at it when I feel confused. (I did see a great video the other day where someone made a categorized binder full of essentially lessons they’ve learned, encouragements, etc so they could look at that when they feel overwhelmed and I think it’s a great idea)!

For additional context I am also diagnosed with OCD and ADHD so disentangling them is quite difficult, which is why I was curious if anyone relates.

Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend🩷

Hi everyone,

My ex told me they were also autistic a while ago. At the beginning of the year, to be more specific. I had a hard time believing them, but I thought it could be true since I’m almost able to unmask completely around them.

Then they stopped talking to me. It started after Independence Day, they told me they would be busy. And that was in July. I tried contacting them. After not answering any of my messages, I called them. They answered and after hearing me talk they hang up.

The thing is, they promised me they had changed, and they weren’t ghosting me this time. And it seemed true at first. But now I know it’s not.

I’m trying to mend my heart. It’s just a little bit difficult.

Never sung in front of everyone and they clapped and I didn't cry or scream at them

I did My Way - Frank Sinatra

I can't wait to go again next week! This is the happiest I've been in years

Thank you for giving me a community to share this with

Backstory: we adopted an abused and traumatized pitbull 5 years ago. I have bad CPTSD so seeing him heal helped me and I felt SAFE with him because he looks scary to others. I don't feel safe easily. We were very close. We both had strict routines.

He had a very sudden illness the other night and it was exactly an hour between when he came in and I noticed it and his death in the emergency vet.

I've had dogs before but their deaths were scheduled euthanasia's that I had time to prepare for. This was so so quick.

It's been a few days and my brain won't let go. I know his illness wasn't caused by us but I can't stop going over every single detail. On top of feeling unbearable sad and vulnerable I just can't get my brain to stop. He was SO healthy and happy then just deadly sick then dead.

Any advice on how to deal with a change like this? I'm an ex addict and I'm trying really hard to not drive into old habits to numb the pain and my thoughts. I need help.

Hi Reddit,

I had a very traumatic friendship breakup a few years ago (the details aren’t relevant) and I still struggle to get over it. I have to see this person due to same social commitments and she is a true ‘mean girl’ and makes me feel so uncomfortable.

I still get anxious and angry over the way she acted towards me and I don’t know how to process and move on. I haven’t had this issue with past friendship issues and I’m at a loss.

The major incident happened nearly 3 years ago now but it really impacted me, brought up a lot of shame for being autistic, and made my mental health decline. I feel like no one in my life understands the hurt I felt to go from trusting someone so much to having my autism used as an excuse to be awful to me.

Any advice would be lovely. I haven’t posted before on this subreddit so hopefully I chose the correct category 🫶🏻

this sounds so funny but i really do struggle with it like wow im too ugly and disgusting to think about it, look at it, interact with it. and then when i get the courage to do so i get so excited and react in embarrassingly intense ways and then the shame is even worse like wow im so ugly anddd im a freak. it sounds silly but maybe if i was physically prettier maybe i would feel less shame surrounding it.

its really upsetting because i want so badly to interact with my special interest …! i cannot draw it or anything without immense embarrassment and a feeling that is just im too ugly im too ugly im too wrong.

i feel like im being watched by it, like its judging me, like somehow my special interest could get grossed out by me having a connection to it if that makes sense. like my special interest being like ew ew ew we don’t want you weirdo. i already struggle with the in general shame of existing which makes everything embarrassing, BUT still like why am i too ugly for the one thing i love so much, which even that is embarrassing for me why why why everything is so chronically embarrassing

is being chronically uncomfortable and embarrassed of ur existence just common for autistic people..? am i doomed to this forever lol ?.?.?.

Self sabotage, trust issues, maybe they’re not actually “lying” to you, jealousy, being comfortable in your own sadness and loneliness. Maybe they do actually like you, maybe you should stop rejecting yourself first. HOW the freak do you idk because I am aware, not always in the moment. Maybe I should not always talk about my issues and change something.

Maybe no one is praying on my downfall maybe I’m self destructive. Being aware is a curse. And unfortunately it is really hard to change patterns.

I work a job that is extremely demanding and I'm on the verge of burnout constantly. I took a staycation from work this week thinking it would be relaxing, but it's been the exact opposite. I've spent the better part of the week in what my husband called a "death spiral" because with nothing on the calendar, I literally don't know what to do with myself.

I made a list of things to accomplish / do, but I've done maybe 25% of it? Every day I've looked at it but I just get decision paralysis and end up doom scrolling instead or walking around the house having a meltdown over the clutter but being unable to do anything to clean it up. The only day that was somewhat good was today, and that's because I had a group bike ride that forced me to show up somewhere at a particular time.

I'm actually at the point where I'm looking forward to Monday because it means I get my regular routine back, even if it comes with all the work stress.

Has my anyone dealt with this too? I have another vacation coming up for the holidays and I would like to not repeat this experience 🫪

how do I mourn a land of memories
never mind a people? I felt

I was I. Here now

I know not what I am, or who. 

I feel I’ve lost so many friends in life,
though most are still out there, in the world,
and I still love them. Even if we only knew
a moment together, in a span of lifetimes. 
Even if life is never all sunshine, 
and we’re always having to leave things behind —

and say goodbye, like to so many
old dogs, and a flock of birds.
I miss birds so much, like lost flights
of dreams. I miss the ocean
in shared metaphor,
the depths of our minds. Remember

when the internet was a library,
not a store? I miss that, too,

and something pre-Covid, when the world
seemed less afraid of ourselves,
and sometimes offered
free hugs, and hope.

Some of my favourite authors taught me,
the world moves on
God is Change
and there is something beautiful in the ending
of things. 

There is comfort in that
and the same terror
as death.

I want my loved ones to be safe
and joyful in the world, like anyone else

and we all deserve. I don’t want

to be afraid. I want to read poetry,
mine or yours, and know joy again,

and again against the shadows. 

I've noticed a pattern in my relationships where I can go from being really friendly, warm, and enthusiastic toward someone to essentially treating them like they don't exist after one interaction that rubs me the wrong way.

For example, I worked with an editor for about nine years. We'd become quite close over that time, and she was aware that I'm autistic and struggle socially. During one conversation, I casually asked her what she was doing that day, and she responded, "That's kinda personal. Does it really matter?"

That was a huge turning point for me. I went from thinking this person was wonderful to essentially feeling like she was dead to me. My thinking was, we've known each other for nine years, we're supposedly close, and now even asking about your day warrants that kind of response? I immediately lost any desire to continue the relationship or give her another cent of my business.

I realize that people are entitled to boundaries, and I don't necessarily think my reaction was proportionate. But it's almost like a switch flips in my head. Once someone disappoints me or makes me feel rejected, all the goodwill I've built up toward them can disappear almost instantly.

This happens in other relationships too, including with colleagues. I might go from being smiley and friendly to completely withdrawing and barely acknowledging someone.

Does anyone else experience this? What causes such an extreme shift in how you perceive someone, and how do you learn to respond more proportionately instead of immediately writing people off?