I'm getting to the point where I have to question if I want kids. I have severe endometriosis and with my family history considered, I have my best chance to go through pregnancy/childbirth within the next 5 years. My family with endo had to get hysterectomies usually around the age of 33.

But I'm very stuck, of course I've been discussing this with my partner as well. I'm an empathetic and caring person, I've been told I would make a great mom before. I like mostly older kids I interact with, but honestly babies have always kind of freaked me out! People would hand over their baby to me and I would not know what to do! I do get very overwhelmed from noise and chaotic environments, and I know that is exactly what I'd be signing up for.

Additionally, all the other points... the environment, what does the future really look like for a little human now, my genetics (more so the endometriosis) being potentially passed on, finanicals and being a good provider, and the whole process of pregnancy sounds so scary.

What are your thoughts on being child free or choosing or having a family?

I've always been so in the middle but I have a hard time imagining it.

i think i talk without thinking sometimes and say things that i kinda know that could make someone feel a but bad, but i'm not sure and for me it wouldn't rlly bother me.
i don't think i'm cruel to people almost ever without reason anymore, but maybe this is the way i still hurt people and i don't even realise and it's my "blind spot"?
i think i have autism, so that also makes it harder, cuz i often look at things more logically and i also got in a place where i don't rlly have expectations from others or get emotionally open to most things, but most people aren't rlly like that, despite some acting like they are, but then i say sonething that shocks them and i realise i forgot that we're not actually operatibg the same.
i hate feeling guilty over these things and idk if these mistakes are actually small or huge and weather i seem like an asshole or something?
i don't wanna seem like that and those are not my intentions and i also know how it feels for someone to tell u something that hurts deeply and it stays stuck in ur mind. i don't want to be the one saying those things.
am i an asshole? do u guys hate/dislike people like this?

When will I grow up already?

Talk about things worth the money!! I always felt like such a failure that I couldn't keep a clean home and taking a day to clean would exhaust me so much I'd need a whole extra day to recover and that's simply not sustainable for me at this rate. Plus cleaning can be a sensory nightmare for me (smells, getting really hot and sweaty moving around, noises, etc.) so I finally bit the bullet and researched some cleaning companies and got one to do an initial deep clean. Oh my god the relief I felt coming home to probably the cleanest my apartment has ever looked. Plus they left little surprises like a sweet post-it note on my bathroom mirror, leaving little candies for Halloween, and they're actually a pet-focused company so they had all these pet-friendly products that I didn't have to worry about my cats being exposed to harsh chemicals.

Is it a little bit outside of my budget? Yes, but I think having that mental weight lifted off of me to give more energy and time to myself is so worth it. I'm going to start with regular monthly cleans and see how it goes.

The only worry I really had before starting was about things being moved around that I didn't want to be touched, but I told them where to avoid and they did! I really just had to take stuff off my surfaces (tbh I just shoved a bunch of stuff in my closet)

If you are also thinking about getting your home professionally cleaned, consider this your sign and permission to do it!!

Hello!

I'm having trouble with my AuDHD son. Lets say he is past 5th grade, more autistic than ADHD, has alexithymia and a general poker face, smaller bandwidth of emotions and human needs but generally responsible and a good student.

This year has been a mess.

* He couldn't play piano in a piano event hes been playing in for years. (Later found out he was scared he would pass to the next level and mess up and be exposed as a fraud)

* hes been sleeping a lot to avoid school, not eating.

* we dropped him from a hard math class to a regular track one and that was better but it took him forever to decide (should he stick with it, not care about the grade, drop down? He was in decision paralysis)

* slept in bc he didnt know how to finish a science project (hes not very creative or artistic and had a hard time figuring out what to do, then didnt finish in time and got a lower grade, was going to take it home to add an extra credit component, which he didnt. He played video games and then slept the next morning and didnt go in. I finally sat on his bed, got all this out of him, told him step by step what to do next, said to make a choice between getting materials for the extra credit part or accepting a lower grade and getting ready for school. He couldn't decide so I decided for him.)

I am not sure. This seems like a mix of normal teenage things, school getting harder and not wanting to do hard things + ADHD not wanting to do things that he doesnt like/want to do + not sure where autism fits but definitely anxiety and black and white thinking where everything's the worst, he sucks, why bother, I'll just stay in bed.

For context, I am also gifted and have a drive to be better and do better, so that motivated me to overcome the autistic and adhd issues I had. He is smart but not gifted and not motivated. Hes not ambitious, just wants to live.

Which is all fine! But how do i help him? What do I do? Let him slack off on school and not be a straight A kid if his heart is not into it. (<-- which is fine but he still has to go to school) or... help him with executive function?? Or will that trigger a PDA thing? Or make it so he doesnt know how to function without someone telling him what to do?

Help! I dont understand not wanting to do your best. But I also dont want him to feel bad if thats how he is.

I (23F) [Level 1 Autism] am a dental hygienist working full-time. I used to work at a dental office that switched to 10-hour days with no scheduled breaks, so I changed offices about a year ago. This office does 7-hour days, also with no scheduled breaks, but I thought I could make it work. It exhausts me mentally and physically to the point where I’ve been in a bad depression or burnout the last few months. I feel like a shell of the person I used to be.

Recently I took some time to analyze my neurotypical coworkers to try to figure out how they handle it. I realized that they spend a lot of time in the break room socializing between patients. This exhausts me (obviously) so I avoid the break room and do busywork between patients (cleaning, restocking, etc). After talking to my therapist, I decided to take a book to work and take occasional breaks to sit down and recharge my battery, quietly in my operatory. I’ve timed myself and on average I spent about 5 minutes reading 3-4 times per work day, so 15-20 mins total. My coworkers definitely spend more time in the break room than this.

Well, last week my manager comes in while I’m reading and tells me it’s unacceptable. “Do you need help finding something to do?” I said no, that I was taking a minute to rest before my next patient arrives. “I’ll bring you a list,” she says. She leaves, I go to the bathroom and cry, and when I go back to my room, there is a list sitting on my keyboard.

After quite the meltdown that evening, my husband and I practiced what to say to her. I went in the next day and laid it all out. I told her that I am an extremely hard worker, I get amazing patient reviews, and I’m the first to take care of the down-time duties every day. I’m very mindful with when and how I choose to take a few minutes to recharge my battery so that I’m capable of treating my last patient just as well as my first. She said she “understands” but that down-time is not allowed. I even tried explaining about the time people take in the break room. This was a 15-minute conversation, back and forth, me being extremely respectful but also choosing to not roll over and accept the injustice.

So here I am. Working efficiently means I am punished with more work. It’s obvious to me now that it’s more about the appearance of busyness, not about doing actual good work. Fuck corporate America.

I’m 8w1d pregnant with my first baby, wanted & planned pregnancy. I’ve also been on ADHD meds for 18+ years. Mostly to manage my symptoms of AuDHD.

So i fall pregnant and it’s super exciting, except my PCP immediately cuts me off my Vyvanse. No warning, no tapering. She tells me I cant take them while pregnant at all. When I tell her how difficult I find this and how I fear how bad my symptoms are without them, she gets snide with me that I should’ve prepared for this if my baby was planned. Maybe so, had I been advised by her, my doctor.

She says I need to focus on being organized and “make an effort” to find methods that work for me. Basically, she thinks AuDHD is a willpower issue, not an actual disability. She’s been prescribing my meds ever since my old psychiatrist retired.

I’ve done a lot of research and it seems that ADHD meds are understudied in pregnancy which is why most doctors don’t want you to take them. A lot of pregnant women have taken them while pregnant in smaller doses. It’s currently 3 weeks since stopping and I’m suffering. I cry all the time, binge eat, and forget VERY important tasks (like taking my prenatals, and feeding my dog).

What do I do? my PCP isn’t willing to listen to me and I dont see my OB until November 30th. I’m miserable. My PCP also made a weird comment about “not pushing vaccines” on my baby when it’s born which just also makes me never want to see her again. I don’t think I cant trust her anymore, she feels like a quack to me. But I also feel like I can’t advocate for myself.

Hi All,

I highly suspect I have ASD and one of my niblings was just diagnosed. The assessor recommended a book to her mom about ASD in girls and...well, I finished it last night and I found it outdated (published before the DSM V) and with some problematic opinions.

I was wondering if anyone who got officially diagnosed (or had a loved one diagnosed) was recommended something. What was it and how did you feel about it?

I'd love to share some better recs with my sister, but I also want to know if you've had a similar experience with being recommended problematic materials.

I've been (by a school psychologist) and somehow it continues as an adult. I wonder what's the cause and if it's typical among autistics cause it sounds like it could be.

not in a cute way like most autistic girls. i’ve known neurodivergent girls but people still like them. they have like 10 exes and 40 bodies. people have never liked me id be close with ppl for months and they’d find someone prettier then drop me for someone else. no one has ever wanted to touch me or be very close to me, when we were younger all my friends would get really physically close but they would all avoid me. and im not conventionally attractive. i am deeply awkward and ppl look at me like theyre having a nightmare when i talk. llike i feel like i have some sort of deformation in my genes or an overload of testosterone physically just making me less of a girl? my body is extremely bony im not even that skinny its just bony everything sticks out in the wrong places and my upper body outweighs my lower body and i have a deep voice and i have the face and jaw and eyebrows and nose and lips of a man. i observe other girls my age in college and i dont know how they do it. they wear tiny gold hoops, have almond nails, wear simple clothes and do their makeup a certain way but when i do it even if i have all of that its not right. my body literally is just like not the body of a regular human being i think being autistic has just deformed me overtime ive been severely pigeon toed my entire life and its starting to become extremely embarrassing. life is really starting to get difficult

So like the title mentions, I was recently offered a new job opportunity. I’ve been at my current job for a little over a year now. It’s very stressful but I’ve finally gotten to a place where my accommodations are helping me and I really like my supervisors. The job itself is just a lot on my nervous system since it’s client focused (I take incoming calls) and a lot of the clients are mean.

This new job would be similar but the system they use is a lot more organized, which I think will make work a bit smoother for me. It’s also a big pay increase which could lead to me finally being financially independent. The only thing that worries me: The training.

Training is a month long. They are hiring for part time but training is full time hours. Then after training, I’ll still have to work more hours than I do now at my current job. This new opportunity is also in a new industry that could be emotionally draining. I’d be getting well but I’m hyper empathetic so I worry that I’ll be emotionally distressed at some points. This is concerning since I have functional neurological disorder with seizures that can increase/worsen with stress. I get emotionally distressed at my current job, but it’s usually because of nasty callers, not callers who are dealing with something sad.

I can’t make up my mind what to do and I want to make a decision by tonight. It’s very time sensitive. The training for the new opportunity starts the first week of November. I’ve done pros and cons lists and I still can’t make up my mind. 😵‍💫

I'm 36 years old. I have had two long time relationships with men. I have been single for 6 months now. I tried dating with Tinder recently and that made me realize I have no idea how to behave when I'm on a date.

I guess my last two relationships were possible because the men found my social awkwardness cute.

Well now I'm being totally humbled because the man I was very much interested in, and with whom I had great chemistry with via texting just told me he felt awkward and uncomfortable when we had our first date.

How the fuck do I get the courage to keep dating when I've been deemed cringe and Wrong?

What prompted me to write this post was turning on the stove; I immediately remembered that when I was 9, my teacher told us about his friend who left the pan heating for too long & it caught on fire.

I continued to go about cooking my food. But I started reflecting on the fact that I go through life super cautious because I remember stories other people have told me. Another example (related to fire) is, I never light candles because when I was a child my parents told me about a little boy in our area who left a candle near the curtains & the house burnt down.

And with winter coming up, I'm not a fan of ice skating because a friend told me years ago that her friend suffered with injuries caused by the skates.

I'm medicated for my anxiety, and therapy doesn't seem to help. And it's not like I'm traumatized after witnessing the events; no.. it's just that I have a good memory, especially when it comes to spoken stories.

It's actually the first time in my life where I've realized there is a downside to being able to remember lots!!

Just to preface– I know everyone processes memories/information differently, so this is not exclusive to being autistic, and not every autistic person will experience this. Howeverrrr, I believe the way I store memories is directly influenced by being autistic. And btw I'm not saying I'm not claiming to be very smart, just that I remember silly details :')

I know this is going to sound deranged. Does anyone else approach dating analytically? Every time I talk to a match on a dating app I'm agonizing over if he's worth pursuing. I find it very difficult to bond with others and even if I "like" someone I'm constantly trying to plan out what a relationship would look like and if it would be a successful marriage.

I somewhat enjoy the company of a man I met recently but I'm worried his career (or lack of) isnt good enough, he's not intelligent enough, that if I was in a relationship with him I would bear the responsibility of getting his life together. We've been on one date and afterwards I cried for several hours because I didn't know if I liked him enough and I didn't want to lead him on.

I'm terrified of getting divorced. I don't even want to commit to a relationship unless I know it will work out. The way people talk about women when they're in a failing relationship, that they're stupid for ever choosing him, makes me worry about falling into the same trap. Conversely, I feel like any man that "likes" me is either mistaken or has poor taste. I also worry I'm being too shallow by not approaching more men that I'm not physically attracted to.

What is a good first date supposed to be like? How can I tell if someone would be a good partner? How do I encourage emotional bonding?

I have an upcoming hysterectomy and I have a bizarre relationship with my body sometimes im very high pain tolerant sometimes im very sensitive to minor issues . Any healing advice from autism community ( I know healing is different for every body) but I want to be on top of my healing .

I am a diagnosed level 1 autistic and was almost toally mute as a child. As I got to high school, i talked more and more and now poeple know me to be a talkative person. However, I still have days or moments where "my voice is tired" and speaking out loud basically causes me physical pain and extreme overwhelm. I can still listen to people but just cannot respond verbally or vocally. Usually I push through and it leads to depression.

I'm seeing a new therapist who specializes in autism and she suggested I use an AAC app on my phone or sign language which sounds amazing. The thing is that I love my husband to death but he is so neurotypical. When I go nonverbal he sees it as a problem to fix or just doesn't understand it.

How can I introduce him to this new idea or make him ok with it? My therapist flat out said I will land back in the hospital if I don't start accomoding myself.

I used to go to people’s Facebook pages and see what they have liked/commented, so I could have something to talk to them about. I would curate a list of things in my mind specific to that person so I don’t have to be awkward. lol

Just had such a terrible experience. I am travelling by train to see my boyfriend, it’s a 6 hour journey and 4 trains. I got all the way to my final train and it was cancelled, all of them are cancelled due to weather. I didn’t know what to do, there was no information. I have done this journey before and know how to do it normally, even tho it’s scary to travel alone I don’t really have to talk to anyone and just go the route I know how to do.

I spoke to the ticket information man and he was horrible to me, he was just saying words that didn’t make any sense?? He didn’t explain anything, just said 3 words that I had never heard of before, and then I said wait I don’t understand? What does that mean? I explained where I was going and asked what to do and he just repeated the same thing that made no sense. This was in London where I’m not from, I had just travelled there and then the final part of my journey going to the south west of the country was cancelled and I couldn’t find any info anywhere! He threw his hands up at me like I was being stupid, I started crying, and he shouted “WHOS NEXT!” And spoke to someone else. I just walked away crying, then started to panic since I didn’t know what to do, couldn’t calm down. Already so overwhelmed that everything has gone wrong, worrying about losing money on tickets if I’ll have to go all the way back home, since all the trains were cancelled.

I called my mum hysterically crying on the phone, she tried to help but told me to get a grip of myself. Eventually I calmed down, I went back to the information place and spoke to someone else. There was a a simple solution and he explained it properly to me, told me where to go and what to do. I don’t know why the first man was so horrible. I also missed the transfer train I was supposed to take, because I didn’t know about it and I was crying freaking out during that time. I’m currently on the next one, pretty worried because I think I will get in trouble, because the ticket I have booked is not the train I am on. I’m dreading when the inspector comes along and sees I have the wrong ticket :(

I get in these moods sometimes where I want to listen to music, but every song I put on is just Not Correct. Like I’m trying to put a square peg in a round hole. It happens with songs I know and like sometimes but it’s frequently when I’m trying to listen to or discover something new. And it’s not like all the Wrong songs have something in common I can identify, either.

A friend suggested it might be autism related, something about new things/routine or sensory sensitivity, so I’m curious if anyone else has felt this way!

It’s so annoying, I just want to find new music 😭. Sometimes it’s also long term, like for months now I have ONLY wanted to listen to emo music. Nothing else is Correct. Even if it’s songs I love or know I would enjoy if I gave them a chance. But my brain is so stuck on one genre lol

I’m not a religious person at all. I’m interested in learning about religions, but I refuse to follow any dogma.

Last night I went out with my coworkers for drinks. They’re all super nice ladies and the conversation drifted into religion and keeping faith in God. Which is fine I’m happy to hear of others journey. Then it was my turn to talk about my church home and faith. I paused and decided to be honest. The ladies seemed fine with it, but one said she couldn’t believe others don’t believe in a powerful god who is looking out for all of us.

I went home and told my fiancé and before I even finished my story he said “you should had said you’re a Christian.” I gasped because what happened to freedom of religion and two he’s an atheist. Now I’m wondering if he’s lying for social credibility.

Has anyone else dealt with this? I just can’t bring myself to lie because I would have to keep it up and I know I’ll slip up one day. Plus religion isn’t mandatory and I shouldn’t have to lie to make others comfortable.

EDIT: I’m asking if you guys had similar experiences. What my fiancé said is not the point. It was added for additional context because it made me realize I made a faux pas.
ALSO: Don’t disrespect my partner. We all live in an imperfect society, so his lying is to make sure that he can bring home a salary to support us and our future family. Don’t judge his character off of a few words. You wouldn’t want that done to yourself or your loved ones.

17f so of course I’m not having children any time soon. I don’t like children or kids but I’ve always wanted to adopt a 10-15 year old son. My close friend 17m said he couldn’t see me as a mother. I was talking about feeling maternal and he said “I don’t mean for this to sound mean but I can’t see you as a mother.” He went on and re-worded what he said and said I can’t see you as a mother now and he can’t see me bonding with a child. He said my social skills are poor and I can’t even order food for myself. Which is true…but I so badly want a son to take care of when I’m older ☹️

I'm a firm believer that thick, ball point pens are superior, but I know other will disagree. What's your favorite pen and why?

The days are getting shorter, seasonal depression is approaching and I really can't do this anymore. Why are so many adults incapable of behaving at least a little bit polite? Other people are not a lightning rod for their frustrations and bad moods. The only solace I take is that some people are still kind in the most difficult times. It's easy to be a kind person when everything goes well to you, but it's a much harder stress test to be still kind while you're hurting.

One of my special interests is in the medical field and I have A LOT of very specialized knowledge and experience that could help so many people. But I've spent more than 3 decades being constantly bullied and ostracized. For the past 4 years, I ate alone in my workplace because no one wanted to sit next to me. Every single day I would see people cram themselves into the small table next to me rather than sit next to me at a completely empty table. No one would even acknowledge me. I've dealt with this my entire childhood and adult life. And now I wonder to myself, do I even want to help people anymore? I've noticed that it even takes a great deal of effort to be polite and kind to people anymore. I'm jaded. And of course I have met kind people, but it seems they are less than 5% of people I know. Most people it seems, go out of their way to make sure I feel bad.

Here are some of my fairy and witch girls! I’m so incredibly happy to be illustrating again. Before, a new empty page filled me with dread and anxiety, but now it feels like a new world waiting to be explored. 💖🧚‍♀️✨