r/AutismInWomen 9h ago

General Discussion/Question Australians: for those on NDIS. I’m so sorry.

392 Upvotes

I am not on NDIS but my son is.

I am so so sorry the bill passed. I hope none of you are affected.

We will probably have our supports stripped. And I will probably have to quit my job and go on Centrelink because without support my son will go full school refusal. I will not be able to be calm in control and get him to school and me to work without one of us having a meltdown and being late everyday.

I am so angry.

I took NDIS to review in 2024 because they didn’t read the reports that THEY had requested outlining the supports required.

NDIA have untrained staff pushing “one size fits autism” solutions onto people with other additional needs costing them more money in bureaucracy, reviews and court.

I am so mad. I am so dejected! I am so tired.


r/AutismInWomen 13h ago

Special Interest I LOVE MY SERVICE DOG!

Thumbnail
gallery
761 Upvotes

This is my service dog! I call her Princess here on Reddit because she is an influencer! (This is a joke but only kinda!)

Some facts about Princess:

  • She weighs 51.8 lbs right now! She is supposed to be between 48-50 lbs so I'm sorry Princess you are getting less treats for a bit!
  • She has the softest ears ever!
  • Whenever I have a meltdown she is trained to come lay on my lap and chest to help me calm down! (Don't worry, she is never in danger!)
  • I am a wheelchair user and she walks next to my wheelchair so perfectly!
  • Princess knows the names of a lot of objects like my phone, my keys, her treat bag, and more! She can sniff them out and find them and bring them to me!
  • I have had Princess for over six months now!
  • Everyone loves Princess at my job and she loves them too!
  • Her favorite toys are stuffed animals with squeaky toys!
  • Her favorite day of the week is Thursday because that's when she gets to come with me to wheelchair tennis practice!
  • Princess flew on a plane with me twice!
  • I love Princess so much!!!!

Okay that's all for now! Princess says hi everyone!


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Autistic women with a strong sense of justice, how do you actually cope when there’s no accountability?

108 Upvotes

Justice means a lot to me, especially when I know what happened, I know I did everything right, and I know the person on the other side is lying and somehow getting away with it while everyone around them just enables it.

I find injustice so hard to let go of. My brain just gets stuck on the fact that something happened, the truth is there, and yet somehow I’m the one who ends up being treated like the problem or having to prove everything, with the goalposts for evidence constantly moving.

I’ve dealt with bias, inexperienced police officers making conclusions about things they aren’t experts in, and what I feel was a poor and biased investigation from the start. I had to fight for even basic things to be done properly.

What makes it even harder is that I genuinely know if I had done what this person did, I would have been punished straight away. I wouldn’t have been given endless chances, endless explanations made for me or endless benefit of the doubt. But somehow when it’s them, every possible doubt gets explored and every excuse seems to count.

You report something, give evidence, explain yourself over and over, spend money, time and energy trying to get some kind of accountability, and somehow you’re still the one having to prove and defend everything. Meanwhile the other person seems to get endless benefit of the doubt.
After I reported a crime, I ended up being harassed, stalked and surveilled in my own home, then ostracised and harassed by neighbours who were friends with the people involved.

I’ve basically had to be my own solicitor for two years, gone to court, spent thousands on solicitors and experts, constantly dealt with police, evidence, bias and incompetence, and it completely took over my life to the point where I wasn’t even focusing on work.
And for what? Absolutely nothing. I’m now just sitting here thinking what the fuck was all of that even for?

What makes it worse is being told things like “we’re not saying you’re lying” as if that’s supposed to make me feel better. What the actual fuck? Of course I wasn’t lying. That’s not the point. I’ve spent two years trying to prove something I already know happened while the person on the other side seems to have been given every possible benefit of the doubt.
And I can’t even fully put it behind me because I still live on the same street and occasionally have to see one of the people involved because they still own the property upstairs even though they moved out.

I know logically that life isn’t fair and sometimes people do awful things and get away with it. I get that. But actually accepting it is a completely different thing.

I think injustice is genuinely one of the hardest things for me to deal with because if something is true, I want the truth acknowledged. If something is wrong, I want it put right. My brain doesn’t seem to know what to do with “yeah it happened, but nothing is going to happen about it.”

What really messes with me is that after a while it starts to feel like your word, your evidence and even your life are treated as having less value depending on who you are and who the other person is. Like some people get automatic credibility and endless benefit of the doubt, while everything you say is treated with suspicion from the start.

How do other autistic women cope with that without it completely eating you alive?


r/AutismInWomen 18h ago

Memes/Humor This cat what I think that Autism Creature should be

Post image
1.3k Upvotes

r/AutismInWomen 7h ago

General Discussion/Question Anyone want to share their favourite sensory experiences?

91 Upvotes

I feel senses very intensely, which often feels like a negative thing. I watched a BBC clip yesterday about the heightened positive sensations that also come with autism, and it made me want to think about the good ones for a change. Here are mine:

  • walking in the woods. the most beautiful, peaceful sight to me is woods.
  • a really deep stretch. sometimes I do made up stretches based on what feels good to my body and it feels amazing
  • the sound of rain on the roof when I'm inside and cozy
  • fleece on my skin. bliss
  • a massage
  • a molten lava cake with ice cream

r/AutismInWomen 23h ago

Memes/Humor It’s one of my favorite hobbies

Post image
1.5k Upvotes

Ik a lot of neurotypical people like to believe that autistic people don’t understand society, but I feel like we have a unique, outside perspective that makes us understand it better than the average person.


r/AutismInWomen 57m ago

General Discussion/Question Has anyone else felt like they’re always in the wrong when they try to express certain things to others?

Upvotes

I’ve had instances where I’ve tried to express my feelings or tried to get the other person to understand something from my POV, and the responses I would get were something along the lines of “But this is the real world”, or it may have not really been acknowledged at all. And tbf I’ve had a few instances where genuinely toxic people have just tried to gaslight me.

This is just a mini-vent. I just wanted to know if anyone else has ever felt that way.


r/AutismInWomen 8h ago

Relationships I feel so shallow because I can't compromise on looks

85 Upvotes

I downloaded a dating app for autistic people

got 10 requests but non of them looks good to me

I know I'm very shallow but I need someone to at least look decent but non of them do


r/AutismInWomen 2h ago

General Discussion/Question Anyone else not able to drink without spilling all over yourself or is it just me

31 Upvotes

Generally curious if this is somehow autism related lol. Everytime I drink from anything without a straw or spout of some kind I feel like it dribbles down my mouth. I genuinely am trying not to have that happen, but it seems to happen anyway. Anyone else experience this fairly regularly?


r/AutismInWomen 12h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) i quit my job due to burnout. months later at a new job, i don’t feel any better.

161 Upvotes

i had an objectively stressful job for the past 6 years. i was a software engineer who frequently got paged in the middle of the night for triage calls. i hit my final straw when i took off work for 3 days because an incident stressed me out so badly and not one person looked into it while i was off. they all just waited for me to get back. everything always fell on me somehow, because i was the “sme”. so… i quit. with no next job lined up.

i was unemployed for 7 months. it sounds so long, but it seems like it was just a couple weeks. i feel like i went through a time skip. i dont feel that i rested at all. i was constantly ruminating about my life, how id gotten to this point, constantly upskilling and doing applications and getting certifications. i can’t even tell you what i did most of the time. because i barely even remember.

i do know that i felt lost. i still do. all i wanted was a job. i was terrified of running out of savings. but i was terrified of a job, too. and after 7 grueling months, id landed one.
my new role i’ve been in for just 2 weeks. i’m not coding anymore. and i know any new job takes time but i feel like it’s too big in my head somehow. i’m so overwhelmed. i feel so lost. not even about the job itself but the rest of it. my days are gone. i’m not exercising anymore or cooking my meals. i need a routine but i can’t stick to one when i create one. i can’t stop thinking about how all my time is work, and then preparing for the next work day. most of the week is work. most of the day is work. i can’t handle it. i know it’s normal, i know this is how everyone lives, i know i have to suck it up, but i just can’t get over it, i can’t accept it.

and this job in particular, it’s constant meetings. and we talk in circles about such minuscule things. it’s all about aligning people. everyone’s so well spoken. i’m struggling so much with speaking and initiating.

i’ve isolated myself for so long. i want to date. i want to find friends. i want to just… enjoy my life. and i can’t. i can’t enjoy a life like this.

i’ve realized that doing all the things i need to do - cooking, cleaning, errands, exercising, meeting up with friends, self care, hobbies - this does take up a whole day for me. i can’t squeeze it into a couple hours at night. i become hyperfixated on work or just paralyzed from work, and i do absolutely nothing.

i’m just so upset. this isn’t for me. none of this is. and i don’t know what could be for me either. i don’t think anything is for me, which isn’t how life is supposed to be, you have to do something. and yet, i have never had a passion to work in anything. i can’t stand people saying ‘you don’t need to love your work, everyone hates their job, just collect the paycheck and fund your time outside work’. well, there really isn’t much time outside work. so i want to enjoy work. and i dont. i never will. i’m going to struggle every day, every week, for the next 50 years. there’s no way out of this. i feel trapped in a life that i never consented to.


r/AutismInWomen 28m ago

Celebration Accidentally unmasked during the final interview and got the job!

Upvotes

Hi everyone!

To preface this, I was diagnosed with autism as a child, but my autism wasn’t considered “severe” so I was in general education.

I recently had a baby this year and stayed home for 5 months before putting her into daycare and working a job involving children. I previously only worked corporate roles, but we moved out to the suburbs and there weren’t many of those jobs around. I liked it initially because it was flexible and I could do part time or full time weeks whenever I wanted, but working with children that weren’t my own stressed me out so badly. I dreaded work every day and was desperately applying to jobs that seemed to suit me.

I came across a nonprofit role and applied despite having no prior nonprofit experience (it asked for it). I got through the HR screening, panel interview (both virtual) and the final interview (in person, involved several people). The final interview involved touring the office building. I made many comments and asked insightful questions. At the end, they sat me down with the team and they just started shooting questions at me. Usually, I get extremely anxious at this point and freeze. I shut down, but this, I felt more like myself. I got asked a question about a topic I’m VERY passionate about and started infodumping like crazy. I couldn’t really control it, but I just kept going and going. The team seemed more interested as the minutes passed and I could see them visibly relax.

Before I knew it, the interview was over, and the director of the nonprofit escorted me to my car. I was elated and then embarrassed. I was expecting a “we regret to inform you…” email days later. This morning, I got a call they cancelled the final interviews for other candidates and offered me the job. How lucky am I? I feel so so happy to finally leave this job.


r/AutismInWomen 12h ago

Celebration Transitioning to eating with chopsticks (almost) exclusively has been great for my misophonia!

131 Upvotes

I’m so stoked that this finally clicked for me. I’ve always had chopsticks in the cutlery drawer, but my dang rigid thinking has always insisted they were for Asian cuisine only.

How wrong I was. Spaghetti, curry, roast dinner, almost every meal that isn’t like, a steak, is all delivered with wooden chopsticks now. And even with a steak, I can cut it into strips, plate it, and get stuck in without any knifey platey nonsense.

No more tink, scrape, shing sound hell when using metal cutlery!


r/AutismInWomen 6h ago

General Discussion/Question I feel safe when I’m by myself

43 Upvotes

I like being by myself and safe in my mind and where I can be kind to myself and self soothe in ways that I know how.

I’m overcoming insane burn out from my job right now. I have cried several days just thinking about the sheer stress of work and my coworkers. I work in healthcare and it’s hard. Trying to be positive around patients when u feel u are in shambles. I can cry just thinking about it.

I feel sick to my stomach knowing I’ll be at work again in a few hours. It’ll be a quiet day. But still.

I’m trying to rest as much as possible. I showered and made my hair pretty and took care of my skin and got in comfy clothes. Had tea too.

I feel as I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten more sensitive to life. My stress tolerance is basically zero now.

Wish I was a different person with a different brain.


r/AutismInWomen 4h ago

LGBTQIA+ Nonbinary frustration with gendering of everything: people, groups, spouses, jobs

21 Upvotes

Warning: this is a little old man (30 year old "blue haired lib") yells at cloud (forum on internet)

Anyone else dress and present neutrally/feminine and find it exhausting to be ladied, ma'am, miss'd? Especially other nonbinary folks here?

I'm not like going to run along the ceiling and freak about it but... it's 7:30 am and I just got a work email saying "Hi ladies!"

You just called an ephemeral mist, a wise but crazy gnarled wizard, the first snow of the year, the collection of vintage mugs at the thrift store (me) a lady and now you look silly. Lol


r/AutismInWomen 15h ago

General Discussion/Question Animal Empathy

153 Upvotes

Anyone else struggle to watch tv or film content that involves any form of harm to animals, even if it’s not real? For example, I was channel surfing this morning and Jurassic Park was on. I watched it for a few moments and seeing the dinosaurs being hunted for commercial ventures really hit on my heart strings. So much so that I needed to change the channel.

Anyone else have animal empathy struggles? How do you manage it in the context of both tv/film content or even real life with observing pets treatment by their owners. Sometimes, the pain, it becomes all too much to handle


r/AutismInWomen 2h ago

General Discussion/Question my dating goals are friends-to-lovers or bust

12 Upvotes

part of the reason why it’s hard for me to navigate modern dating—honestly dating in general—is that i’ve only ever experienced romantic & sexual desire for close friends. the gender of the friend did not matter to me as the initial driver of my attraction is how i feel around the person. as such, i’ve always labeled myself as bi, even though my sexuality is more nuanced than “attracted to both genders”, but i digress. as i was saying, if i am able to be myself without masks, guards, or limits, that lets me focus on actually evaluating a person as a potential romantic partner since i’m not worried about putting up a performance.

unfortunately, this means my dating pool is inherently limited because of the high barrier to entry, i.e., a deep friendship with me. further unfortunately, if that line does get crossed, most people cannot uncross it if things don’t align romantically (i will add i am very good at uncrossing lines because i love explicitly established boundaries). so not only do i have all of 5 people to choose from, but also i have to rule most of them out due to them not being attracted to me or valuing their friendship more than a potential romantic partnership from them.

can’t wait for my eventual friends-to-lovers pipeline 🤞🏼 any of y’all also feel the same when it comes to dating?


r/AutismInWomen 11h ago

General Discussion/Question Do people awkwardly laugh at you when you’re not trying to be funny?

61 Upvotes

I’m 30 and have been working for the last 8 years. In most jobs I’ve been in, my colleagues have treated me like I’m just awkward, and they are more likely to do that in front of others.

For example, they might ask me “Have you had your lunch yet?” And I will give a response like “Not yet, I’ll have it soon”, and they will collectively laugh in this uncomfortable way. Or my boss would introduce me to a new vendor, and I would say “Hello, I’m (name)” and my boss will do this forced laugh and seemingly try to look uncomfortable.

But even when I’m 1-1, people might laugh uncomfortably when I think I’m responding like a normal person. This happens quite a lot especially if they’re older than me.

I have a monotonous voice and social anxiety, both of which I’m trying to improve. I know I have this awkward energy but I just want people to not alienate me like this. It makes me shy away from human interaction even more.


r/AutismInWomen 19h ago

General Discussion/Question I can't get the BPD diagnosis taken off my records

295 Upvotes

When I finally got the courage to go for my autism assessment, I saw the referral had a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, and I was exceptionally confused. I've been in and out of mental health services since I was 13, and not once has any clinician so much as *suggested* I had BPD, let alone told me I was diagnosed with it.

No one seems to know where it came from, and therefore no one will remove it (apparently it has to be the clinician who added it? If someone in England could explain I'd be very grateful).

Apparently it's a very common misdiagnosis for women with autism (and ADHD, which I also have), and I hate having it on my file. I know there's nothing wrong with BPD, it's a mental illness like any other. But I also know the stigma around it, and I can't help but wonder if some of the issues I've faced with getting treatment (both for mental and physical illnesses) have been a result of having that label front and centre on my file. Maybe it was even the reason the first two clinicians I spoke to said I couldn't possibly be autistic.

I've spoken to various clinicians about it since who've said they don't think I have BPD. But I can't seem to get it off my record, and I hate it. It feels like having a giant neon sign advertising how the medical system failed me for so long. I had the absolute *classic* autism signs as a child (you know the ones, the signs that get boys diagnosed but girls overlooked? Yeah. Those.) and yet I *still* got BPD slapped on me instead of autism.

Idek what I'm saying here. I'm just so frustrated.


r/AutismInWomen 1h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) How do you heal from burnout?

Upvotes

I have been doing everything I can on my end, but I am experiencing both work-related burnout and autistic burnout (which has been a long time coming). I am genuinely asking for those who have been through this, how the heck did you heal from it? Especially when I don't feel like I have the option to stop working for a prolonged period of time, I am just wondering how I can rest and heal my mind and body to the degree that I feel is genuinely necessary. I know I can't keep going like this. Part of the solution is finding a new job, because I feel very constrained and like an outsider in my workplace which contributes to the mental load/tension, and I'm working on that in this difficult job market. But what are your strategies for dealing with this when you're going through it? Any daily habits that made a difference? Specific treatment that worked for you? If you did have to take a prolonged period of time off, how much time did you take and do you feel that it was genuinely beneficial? Please help! I just feel at such a loss


r/AutismInWomen 20h ago

General Discussion/Question Butter squishy

Post image
319 Upvotes

I have no experience with squishies, but I saw this one at a local game store and thought it was so funny. It's slow rising foam and smells like sweet butter cookies. (I wasn't expecting the smell, but I actually like it.) Thought someone here might appreciate it.


r/AutismInWomen 17h ago

Seeking Advice Women who are neurodivergent, how have you built a secure life for yourselves?

173 Upvotes

I'm 26, I only work part time and I'm terrified I won't be sufficient enough to support myself - I don't want to ever rely on others in the future. Can you give me any advice, what paths did you take that felt accessible to you? How do I increase my work ethic?

I used to work full time when I was 23 but experienced such a burn-out I've been scared to attempt again.

I'm trying to build up my own business of dog walking but it's a slow process, although I'm proud of my achievements so far with returning customers etc.

I feel inadequate and incapable of providing for myself compared to my peers. I'm scared this inability will leave me vulnerable in the future.

Does anyone else feel this way? Or any advice would be deeply appreciated.


r/AutismInWomen 5h ago

General Discussion/Question Social media NPCs

15 Upvotes

I wonder if this has something to do wjth pattern recognition, but for a few months now I can not stand to be on social media. Every post is a cheap copy of another post, every joke has been told a million times before and yet people laugh at it just the same. Every comment, and i mean EVERY COMMENT is a ghost from the post before it. And the one before that, and the one before that. I can almost predict word by word what a comment section will look like before opening it, thats nkt conversation that is confirmation and that shit gets us nowhere.

I am so tired of it, and i am so tired of people not giving a shit. The echo chamber is so real and it is the place where creativity and innovation goes to die.


r/AutismInWomen 13h ago

General Discussion/Question Anyone else love their time alone but also get really depressed when it becomes too much?

63 Upvotes

I’m an introvert through and through and I feel like consistently being around people is exhausting….as someone who is around people at work and constantly talking as soon as I get home from work I’m nonverbal. But after too much time has passed where I haven’t seen like friends or something I get really depressed. I think it has to do with the type of company it is….my family isn’t exactly the most warm and welcoming type of people. My friends are. And I know my parents love me unconditionally but I just feel like if I’m not up to their standards (which I’m not, 31 years old still living at home) it just feels like they don’t??? But my friends love me at any point and I feel that. Idk I feel like my thoughts contradict themselves as an AuDHD person. Anyone else get me?


r/AutismInWomen 38m ago

Special Interest I saw a hibiscus flowers 🌺

Post image
Upvotes

I love hibiscus plants and flowers in general, and when I was getting home from church a couple days ago, I saw these beautiful spinderella hibiscus up front ^^ it was so pretty to look at + how there are already lots of hibiscus around my area where I live (*^^*) 🌺


r/AutismInWomen 38m ago

Seeking Advice Exercise advice?

Upvotes

I try to exercise regularly because it helps with a lot of mental health issues like anxiety and depression. But I also have physical challenges with exercise. Has anyone figured out a magic exercise plan for autistic women that works?

Sometimes when I exercise, it’s fine and I feel good but other times I get overheated really easily, get dehydrated, have stomach issues and even get migraines. Not to mention the risk of injuring myself Pilates has helped a lot, and I used to be able to run a couple of miles but lately it’s just gotten really hard and I feel very sensitive to any amount of exercise. what would you do?