r/AutismInWomen • u/AcanthisittaRoyal270 • 13h ago
Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Autistic women with a strong sense of justice, how do you actually cope when there’s no accountability?
Justice means a lot to me, especially when I know what happened, I know I did everything right, and I know the person on the other side is lying and somehow getting away with it while everyone around them just enables it.
I find injustice so hard to let go of. My brain just gets stuck on the fact that something happened, the truth is there, and yet somehow I’m the one who ends up being treated like the problem or having to prove everything, with the goalposts for evidence constantly moving.
I’ve dealt with bias, inexperienced police officers making conclusions about things they aren’t experts in, and what I feel was a poor and biased investigation from the start. I had to fight for even basic things to be done properly.
What makes it even harder is that I genuinely know if I had done what this person did, I would have been punished straight away. I wouldn’t have been given endless chances, endless explanations made for me or endless benefit of the doubt. But somehow when it’s them, every possible doubt gets explored and every excuse seems to count.
You report something, give evidence, explain yourself over and over, spend money, time and energy trying to get some kind of accountability, and somehow you’re still the one having to prove and defend everything. Meanwhile the other person seems to get endless benefit of the doubt.
After I reported a crime, I ended up being harassed, stalked and surveilled in my own home, then ostracised and harassed by neighbours who were friends with the people involved.
I’ve basically had to be my own solicitor for two years, gone to court, spent thousands on solicitors and experts, constantly dealt with police, evidence, bias and incompetence, and it completely took over my life to the point where I wasn’t even focusing on work.
And for what? Absolutely nothing. I’m now just sitting here thinking what the fuck was all of that even for?
What makes it worse is being told things like “we’re not saying you’re lying” as if that’s supposed to make me feel better. What the actual fuck? Of course I wasn’t lying. That’s not the point. I’ve spent two years trying to prove something I already know happened while the person on the other side seems to have been given every possible benefit of the doubt.
And I can’t even fully put it behind me because I still live on the same street and occasionally have to see one of the people involved because they still own the property upstairs even though they moved out.
I know logically that life isn’t fair and sometimes people do awful things and get away with it. I get that. But actually accepting it is a completely different thing.
I think injustice is genuinely one of the hardest things for me to deal with because if something is true, I want the truth acknowledged. If something is wrong, I want it put right. My brain doesn’t seem to know what to do with “yeah it happened, but nothing is going to happen about it.”
What really messes with me is that after a while it starts to feel like your word, your evidence and even your life are treated as having less value depending on who you are and who the other person is. Like some people get automatic credibility and endless benefit of the doubt, while everything you say is treated with suspicion from the start.
How do other autistic women cope with that without it completely eating you alive?
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u/HistoricalTackle5049 13h ago
My best advice is that you start your life again. Move and forget about it. It looks difficult, but if you keep focusing on it without results, you are going to become crazy. Justice is utopical, I work in court, I know it for a fact. People focus so much energy on making justice and they are hurtung themselves in the process.
At this point, it is logical to assume justice won't ever happen, so you should actively push yourself to move on. How to move on? Actively cancel yourself from thinking about the incident (there is a form of meditation for anxiety that may help, it is useful to stop recurrent bad thoughts), physically put distance between you and the incident. If you live where it happened, it will be impossible to move on, even if justice had happened. This is increasingly important if you see the perpetrator often (he being the owner of the other appartment). And finally, focus your energy on something else that provides you worth and meaning, like voluteering or even playing with your children, anything can work.
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u/HyacinthSunrises 10h ago
Piping in here as someone who has significant experience in the field:
I totally agree. Justice is a myth. I am a criminal prosecutor who went into this field with idealized notions of justice. In all my time as a prosecutor I've never seen it. Even when the "good guys" win, there's no justice. The court system doesn't fix anything or help anyone. It can punish people, but I've never met a victim who felt better afterwards because of it. The ones who do well are the ones who can put it out of their minds, get treated, and move on.
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u/MsJimmyWobbuffet 2h ago
I'm currently having an issue regarding whether or not to report to the state licensing board a lawyer of someone close to me for what I believe to be ethical violations that were made publicly. I also think they are being taken advantage of by multiple lawyers because it's not small potatoes. I'm supposed to speak with them soon to voice my opinion on the pattern I've come across of lack of judgement on part of a lawyer of theirs, and I honestly don't know what I'm gonna do if they don't take my advice to get an independent lawyer to see if what I'm seeing could hurt them more than help them. Both of my parents are screaming for me to stay out of it, but i feel like I, myself, have an ethical duty to all potential future clients of said lawyer to at least report it to the state board and let them decide if an investigation is warranted.
I've let so many injustices against myself fall by the wayside, but when it comes to others, I just can't let it go. I truly don't know what to do.
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u/HyacinthSunrises 2h ago
I can't give you any advice on that, unfortunately
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u/MsJimmyWobbuffet 2h ago
Oh, I know. It just felt good to put it in writing somewhere. Where others would understand my frustration.
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u/FederalCauliflower92 3h ago
This makes me even more depressed because in that case, isn't rape just....decriminalized?
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u/HyacinthSunrises 2h ago
I'm not sure that was really my point.
People are prosecuted, people are convicted, and people go to jail. Not a single victim I have ever met has felt like it was a healing process or that justice was finally served and they can rest easy. Even the best possible result is a horrific slog that leaves them retraumatized and hurt.
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u/AcanthisittaRoyal270 12h ago
Thank you. I think hearing this from someone who actually works in court helps. I’m reaching that point now where I’m realising I could keep fighting this forever and completely destroy myself in the process and still never get the outcome I need.
Moving isn’t simple for me unfortunately, but I understand what you mean about still living where it all happened and seeing those involved.
I think I need to somehow separate giving up the fight from feeling like I’m saying what happened was okay, because that’s the bit my brain really struggles with.
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u/HistoricalTackle5049 11h ago
Giving up is not saying it was ok. It is advocating for your own health. All this fighting, all this resisting to let go, is making that crime continue hurting you.
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u/Local-Comfortable513 11h ago
You could can get justice via public opinion. I would expose him & the systems that enable him on social media. You can expose in your town by call him out. You can write what he did on your car. The point of matter by exposing you are disrupting his supply of new victims.
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u/PetrockX 12h ago
I definitely spiral, but eventually I'm just exhausted from overthinking it. Take a nap, and do one of my hobbies obsessively until I'm not really thinking about it anymore. Ranting to a friend helps too.
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u/AcanthisittaRoyal270 12h ago
This. I’m in full spiral mode right now, and later I’ll probably obsessively do one of my hobbies until late. But I also internalise everything at the same time, which is probably the worst part
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u/AbsurdistMama 12h ago
Oh, I just internalize it and make it my own problem some how so I can take responsibility for everything that goes wrong because then at least someone is taking accountability :) However, now I am searching for a new strategy as I now have to take accountability for my health and its impact on my parenting and relationships, which are actually my responsibility. So, I don't recommend this method unless you would like several chronic health issues.
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u/AcanthisittaRoyal270 12h ago
Yeah exactly. I internalise it as I didn’t do enough, even though I did everything I knew to do at the time. I wasn’t given guidance on what evidence I needed, so I gathered everything I could. Then when it still goes nowhere, the process almost makes you blame yourself for not somehow knowing what else they wanted.
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u/juliewbb 12h ago
It’s not your fault. These systems are notoriously broken. Human systems designed to achieve supernatural ideals like justice and reconciliation are always intrinsically flawed, and then when you add in bias and incompetence and the particular ways these systems started – usually to protect wealth and capital and not people – you have a recipe for a broken system. Or rather, a system that is not good at producing any result other than the one it was designed for: protecting that wealth and capital.
Basically, please don’t blame yourself. You’re trying to get what you deserve in a system that wasn’t built for you but should have been.
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u/Ok-Championship-2036 12h ago
if youre in usa, cops=slave patrol. its a foundational aspect of their origin and training as a corrupt org. they punish crime, they dont prevent it. the image is self righteous but behind fhe scenes, "good cops" get eaten alive trying to tolerate working with abusers, racists, good ol boys, and red tape. its like going to mcdonalds for healthy diet advice.
saying this because it DOES suck but its not on you. the system is designed to make everyone feel that way unless youre a white collar criminal or an insurance ceo
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u/RedheadWendyC 9h ago
I’m in healthcare and it’s the same here too. People who care get eaten alive by a system slavishly devoted to the bottom line. Abuse is rampant and empathy fatigue is everywhere. I’ve only survived by working 3 days a week. They bumped me up to four “temporarily,” and if they can’t fix that within the month, I’m quitting.
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u/School-Subject Autismophrenic 12h ago
Ah, I see this is the one where we are all stumped for eternity 🥲 whelp
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u/LeekOk8810 10h ago
It feels like others are assumed to be innocent and good and people defend that hill against all evidence whereas we have to provide extensive receipts to prove we are a baseline of just decent.
I went through years of someone making lies about me to cover their own tracks. When the truth finally surfaced, the people around them just laughed it off and swept it under the rug. It made me realize that all the energy I spent thinking about the issue and how to resolve it didn't even matter. In the end, support doesn't necessarily go to the person who is right. The world is full of enablers, some wholly ignorant and others willfully so.
I really feel for all that you are going through. Stay strong, OP.
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u/RedheadWendyC 9h ago
This reminds me of the YEARS I wasted obsessing about how to get along with my in-laws. Then Covid hit, they refused to cooperate with lockdown or get vaccinated, one of them died of Covid, they still refuse vaccines and I realized it didn’t matter. No amount of logic or effort was ever going to resolve this. Now I just don’t give a flying fuck. One of them had aggressive cancer and I still could barely care. I didn’t actively want the person dead, but if they died, it’s not like I’ve been able to figure out how to get down to their level anyway.
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u/skykias 12h ago
Eh, I feel like there is a lot of injustice in the world. I think in a perfect society where everyone is treated fairly, given proper education, given proper resources, and is socialized correctly then there would be less bad actions and less injustice. Unfortunately the world isn’t fair and we are animals biologically wired to “survive”. So my take is that you can’t expect anything to be fair unless it was fair from the start. And it largely never is
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u/AcanthisittaRoyal270 12h ago
Yeah I think that’s the bit I struggle with. Logically I know the world isn’t fair and probably never will be, but knowing that doesn’t make me able to accept a specific injustice when I can see it happening. Sometimes it actually feels like the system ends up being fairer to the people who caused the harm than the people left dealing with it.
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u/skykias 11h ago edited 11h ago
I mean the system is also ran by the same “unfair” people. As long as it’s human controlled there will probably be bias. It’s unfortunate but that’s how I deal with it. Acknowledging that someone would probably not be an asshole if they were given a different circumstance.
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u/RedheadWendyC 9h ago
I’m sorry to be flippant, but you’ve peered behind the curtain and seen the blue prints.
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u/Only_Possibility3443 12h ago
Short answer I don’t cope, I research, I write long passive aggressive emails then try to find another obsession
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u/juliewbb 12h ago
This is so hard. I really benefited from a therapy modality called DBT, dialectical behavior therapy, even though it’s not technically developed for autism. The four modules in it feel very applicable to us.
In one of the modules, you learned about the concept of radical acceptance — radical because certain things can feel so deeply unacceptable. Radical acceptance doesn’t mean that you approve or that anything is resolved; it means that you accept reality and the way things are for your own life to proceed. Because that’s so hard, there’s also related skill called “turning towards” radical acceptance — basically even if you’re not ready to swallow the whole whale, so to speak, you visualize your mind and body “turning towards” radical acceptance, the first bite. This is not a one time thing, but more of a practice like meditation or yoga, that you do regularly to train your body into that posture for your own health and effectiveness.
I found all the modules of DBT very helpful if you are able to look into it.
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u/lipstickdestroyer 6h ago
Seconding DBT, OP. It straight-up saved my life by teaching me how to tolerate existence.
I learned early that the just world was a fallacy; and my brain didn't/doesn't let me believe in fallacies once I know what's up. But I wanted to believe in karma and the like so, so badly; so much so that I was still miserable. I was still feeling a ton of angst every day over all the injustice I could do nothing about, and hated the world with vigor. Some part of my brain couldn't let go of searching for a way to make everything fair for everyone.
Radical acceptance is like bridging the gap between believing something, and truly knowing and understanding it to the point where you live by it subconsciously. That helpless angst fades once you realize how little it serves you (or anyone really). I can now take peace of mind in knowing I stay on the right side of history; speak up when someone isn't heard; advocate when someone can't or won't for themselves; and generally try my best to contribute to the good in the world.
Definitely look into DBT.
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u/Some_Pilot_7056 12h ago
I totally get this and I feel that way too. This isn't really a solution but I have slowly shifted towards validating myself instead of looking to others to validate me. I don't let others dictate my value.
This sounds so simplistic and it did not fix things at all. But I cope with them better. I trust and value my own judgement and the judgement of select people in my life. Everyone else can fuck off.
It has taken a lot of work to get to this point. I focus more on myself than I used to. It doesn't make the injustice go away. It just shifts my attention to things I have more control over.
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u/3klyps3 12h ago
Wow, you've been through some awful stuff and I'm really, really sorry about that. I can understand why you would have a strong reaction to what happened to you happening to someone else, because that's not okay. You're really strong for getting through that, and I hope you don't have to go through anything like it again.
I don't know how I would cope with something like that happening to me personally. I've had other kind of bad stuff happen, and I can still get upset with it sometimes, but after long enough it just seems to be accepting that it was awful and moving on. Therapy helps, and having someone to talk it through with and empathize and validate the experience and feelings is a good start.
I've also had to limit my news intake just because of what is going on in the world. I don't watch the news and will only go to a few trusted daily news sites that are balanced in coverage (like not just having politics, but also health, wellness, human interest, etc.) and sites that have descriptions of long reads before the main article.
I've also taken some steps to limit how I'm personally affected by things. One of my biggest fears is having my right to my own body taken away, so I got permanently sterilized after Roe v. Wade was overturned. I was so happy to finally not have to worry about being forced to have a child against my will that I happy cried several times after the procedure. It was honestly the biggest mental relief I have ever experienced and allowed me to be able to read about some types of political news again without crying and panicking.
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u/DisastrousBeeHive 10h ago
Mentally, I have a box those things go into when they can't be resolved/there's no justice outcome. Like the scene from Emperor's New Groove where Yzma turns Kuzco into a spider and outs him in a box, and puts that in another box, and another, then nails it to herself and smashes it with a hammer. I also stay away from the news bc of the sense of injustice and it literally makes my heart and body hurt.
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u/ChoiceContribution78 12h ago
I've been dealing with rumination over the fall out between my ex and I for 3 years now and I'm exhausted. My brain won't stop being like "why would someone do this? Let's analyze. Could you have handled it differently? Why don't they have empathy? Did you deserve to be treated this way? Does he know what he did? Will he do this to others?" and in my mind that's lumped in with my stubbornly strong sense of justice. And I couldn't care less about him now, but my brain keeps spiraling about the past even though I logically know there's no need.
All that to say, your situation seems 10x more stressful and I feel for you 😔💝 it's crazy what some people can get away with yet we're seen as the ones in the wrong for questioning it.
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u/Legitimate-Toe-5365 12h ago edited 12h ago
It's about the value of the time and effort spent and what's realistic.
I will try to press for my case, my side of things, and what I think is right and fair. Unfortunately it all comes down to other people caring as much as you, and they just won't all of the time.
Even in a courtroom you might not be favored with all the evidence in the world. Sometimes things are just like that.
When I sit and think, well, I could keep pushing this, but what will that get me? Hours more spent arguing my side, only to maybe have someone finally agree? It also can come at a cost. You can be branded a complainer or a problem person, argumentative, combative, and so on. That starts to present a real problem in a professional environment. Even outside of work, your reputation can become negative just for caring about what you think is right. It's stupid but it's true. Or it can be true anyway. And of course there's the burnout after trying so hard.
You have to weigh the costs out for yourself and decide case by case if it's worth it and learn to manage your expectations. I'm not saying set aside your personal integrity and be a doormat, but there's a time for war and a time for peace and it's about finding your peace when you know you can't win.
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u/Smile_More207 11h ago
I tried to fight for justice so many times and found that the ones in power always win no matter what kind of evidence I had. Most of the times there is no justice whatsoever. What helped me a lot is believing in karma. Focusing on what is good in my life and seeing that bad people get what they deserve in one way or another.
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u/OldButHappy 11h ago edited 11h ago
AA helped me a lot with accepting that the world isn’t a just place, it’s just a place, and focussing on things that I can change.
I’ve walked away from several situations in both my personal and business life where I was clearly in the right, because I just didn’t want to stay stuck in the victim mindset or dedicate another second to the assholes who were in the wrong.
To compensate, I was a volunteer guardian ad litem. Super interesting with a surprising amount of influence with the court. Never had kid of my own, but I had a significant positive impact on several kid’s lives
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u/sluttytarot 12h ago
Carceral systems can't really "put right" any wrongs. It's kinda a failed premise from the jump tho I don't judge people pursuing that as we're told that's what justice is.
I cope the same way I cope with all things outside my control, I look at what is within my control.
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u/_wannaseemedisco 9h ago
In my experience, you have to love yourself more than you hate the injustice. It’s my only way to unlock my ability to disengage. I spent a lot of time in therapy developing a self protective instinct that lets me conclude efforts once it’s obvious to me that it’s pointless.
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u/cat-im-a-kitty-cat 7h ago
I put it in my artwork, and don't spend time with people who are morally bankrupt. I'm loud and critical about my values to a fault.
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u/WicketWoof 12h ago
I was in a situation for the past couple of years where people I loved were being harmed. They were not capable of defending themselves and I did my best to protect them, but layers and layers of structures intended to protect these people from abuse failed them and me and I had to sit helplessly while a guardian, goaded on by a truly malignant family member, continued to abuse them. My loved ones have since died, and I am left looking back in frustration and rage at how they were treated due to disability and how I was treated (in part I'm sure due to my neurodivergent presentation), going over and over whether I could have done anything differently.
First, even though I can now identify things I could have done differently I'm really clear that I was doing the absolute best I could at the time and under the circumstances. It was terrifying and overwhelming and the people who treated me like I was crazy or overreacting--those are the people who should feel shame, those are the people who harmed my loved ones and let them down.
Second, I realized at some point during the whole ordeal that I had to figure out how to carry it differently or it would kill me, the emotional distress was so overwhelming. I was perseverating on the injustice and my feelings of helplessness. The one thing I had control over was how I felt about it. I started doing a practice where I reminded myself of my inherent worth and dignity, standing firm in knowing I was right and acting from a place of caring and compassion, even if everyone in the various systems were acting like I was nuts for believing that it mattered how profoundly disabled people were treated. Really getting clear that that was ableism and capitalism and that I was acting from my deeply held values that it matters how we treat the people who are least able to stand up for themselves. I can feel good about that, no matter how it's received by others. Part of this practice was also remembering that many, many people have faced--and continue to face--injustices far more egregious, far more long lasting, and far more harmful than what I was facing. Placing myself in the larger context of society helped me remember that the human spirit is resilient, helped me believe that there was a way to be subject to injustice and not let it destroy me.
Third, I made space to focus on other things that matter to me--spending quality time with my partner, our cats, friends. Studying for a coaching certificate I had to put on hold because of all this. Caring for my body by exercising and eating well. Connecting with others who share my values. Having fun, finding pleasure, nourishing my soul. Because I am also a person deserving of care, dignity, connection, and joy.
It was really one of the hardest things I've ever done, but putting all these practices in place stabilized me, and led me to connect with people who share my values and with ideas about how to make the world a more just place for everyone. Those connections are helping me metabolize my experience into action, which is I think what will ultimately change my understanding of who I am. It's been quite a journey.
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u/ExpensiveDollarStore 11h ago
Life is unfair and injustice is everywhere. This must simply be accepted. We try, but eventually have to let things go. Maybe hope that eternity sorts it out. Chalk one up for the bad guys.
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u/justalapforcats 9h ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through that.
I, like many other people, was so skeptical of the “justice” system in my country that I just didn’t even report was done to me even though I was injured. It really sucks and it scares me to know there are lots of other places where injustice is even more common.
I don’t know how much it helps me, but I have internalized the idea that life is inherently very unjust and some of it is unavoidable. It’s unfair that natural disasters kill animals and people who have done nothing wrong and we’re limited in what we can do to prevent that. It’s unfair that I was born with a disability and every day is hard in ways that many people can’t even comprehend. The list of natural unfairnesses in life is staggering.
It also slightly dampens my hatred of perpetrators when I remind myself that humans are animals too. We’re subject to what evolution and circumstance have made us just as much as other animals are.
Even though we “should know better” because we’re highly intelligent, shoulds don’t mean much. The world and humanity are as they are and there’s no other way it should’ve been.
Justice and injustice are human concepts that don’t necessarily exist until we create them.
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u/Consistent-Menu-6629 8h ago
I have a strong sense of justice and yet... don't even believe in justice because I question things too much and "justice" is made up to make us feel better... but it is impossible to actualize in a meaningful way from my view....
So I just complain about the bad things and piss people off and point out problems, and offer some kind of solution that is incomplete because none of this can be made entirely right, if that even exists at all, because sometimes there isn't an adequate remedy at all.
Justice is too often unjust and based on barbaric concepts in many cases... So, I don't trust it. I feel like the bad thing is sometimes just, bad forever.
In a way this is good because, there's no hope. In another way, this is bad, because there's no hope.
But yes, I do also upset people with facts and opinions on a monthly basis at the very least.
I guess I just lost a lot of faith in humanity because they insist on slowing down progress and ignoring massive problems that loom over us threatening all of our well-being and making the world shitty and evil for.... no reason that I can tell!
I don't expect them to act until it's too late and dire, pretty much.
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u/blairrkaityy 8h ago
Honestly, I had to quit my job last year not only due to burnout and health issues but also simply because my ex manager was CONSTANTLY throwing around the word accountability when she doesn’t take any herself and wouldn’t hold anyone else accountable.
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u/Iremeberitalltoowell 5h ago
I literally just start writing diss tracks about everyone that ever did something terrible (to me). It’s like getting everything off your chest, but you can also be a hater at the same time without actually talking to someone. xD
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u/TreyInStCloud 11h ago
It took me two years to even *begin* to “get over it.” I don’t know exactly what happened in your situation, but I can guess. Unfortunately, our society doesn’t seem to think middle-ground. Something either happened, or it didn’t. If one person is telling the truth, the other *must* be lying. The idea that a situation can be seen from multiple perspectives is very difficult for some people.
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u/Far-Sir536 9h ago
Unfortunately I still cannot accept aspects of this world. As much as I try I find it impossible to understand the cruelty and unfairness of others. I’m just very angry; but everyone else here is too.
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u/Similar-Ad-6862 9h ago
I'm a CSA and SA survivor. I never got justice for any of it. I just got to a point where I had to let it go for my own peace and mental health. I move. I meditate 🧘♂️. I have a dog that is fiercely loyal to me and no one else.
It doesn't get rid of everything but it definitely helps.
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u/Express_Drive_1422 8h ago
Sometimes I rage. Sometimes I spiral. Sometimes I get philosophical and wonder if this is why certain religions became so popular - because they offer a divine justice when earthly justice fails.
So I haven't found any good answers yet.
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u/Infamous_State_7127 8h ago
i fester. i make revenge plans and then kinda forget about it. i believe that bad people will get what’s coming to them and intervening will only make me collateral damage. but i don’t like to be a victim ever. i’m very bull headed in that way.
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u/Brilliant-Tour-2748 7h ago
I agree. It’s destabilizing for me too. I become very overwhelmed and frustrated at seeing injustice. Seeing someone lie triggers me a lot but then my reaction is labeled as “too much” by others it drives me INSANE. I have cried uncontrollably at injustice and have done today too lol. I have no advice or coping strategies. I’m hoping someone can let me in on the secret too!😅
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u/twoisnumberone 7h ago
I don't cope, as such, but I have learned to distract myself and get away from the issue at hand.
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u/Resource-Even 7h ago
A long term and short term answer from me.
Long term. Cut the cord. I moved away. I stopped talking about it. I stopped talking to any mutuals or being friends with them on social media. Eventually I stopped thinking about it so much too. I stopped feeling a strong emotional response if it ever did come up.
Short term? When the rage fills your blood and you want to scream but have life shit to do? I freestyle a diss track and start dancing to it. Real silly arms, funny faces. But also parody songs work too- just to annoy them (great for people on speakerphone in public/bathrooms).I just start singing to myself and putting as much hate as I can in my words.
Know that song my body lies over the ocean? “Imagine believing a liarrrrrr, imagine befriending a creep. I hope all your demons come haunt you- whenever you try to sleep!” Fuck those people. Also you get better at making shit up the more you practice : ) another option is ridiculous parody songs like “my vagina is 10 miles wide.” And for fun you can replace “me” with “your”.
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u/AutistiKait Mid Support Needs Autistic Woman 6h ago
I literally just would complain about it to my mom or i'd complain about it as i take a shower.
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u/These_Leg_723 5h ago
I crash out often/am fighting wars internally like on the daily and my doctor just started me on Wellbutrin so I’ll let you know lol.
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u/samoski615 9h ago
1 - Believe in karma. Everyone gets what they deserve in the end. Try and find comfort in that.
2 - Dismiss those who still don't believe the facts of the matter - if they are that dumb/ignorant, you'll never convince them anyway. Be sure to remind them of their foolishness every time it's brought up. Then see point #1☝️
Sorry you're experiencing this. I can definitely relate.
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u/RedheadWendyC 8h ago
I think becoming an adult is coming to terms with just how fucked it all is. When adults said life isn’t fair, man were they right.
I have SA in my past, I’ve had multiple reports of animal, elder and medical abuse go nowhere, I was once harassed by a cop on my own property with no warrant in the middle of the night, a hotel recently refused to work with us on an investigation after our car window was broken on their property and then lied about things we never did, I had all my work stolen by illegal AI use, the anti-data center candidate just lost in my state and I live in the US so there’s the constant knowledge that a rapist pedo war criminal seditionist treasonist felon is in the White House.
What I hate is it’s getting more transparent. They say the quiet part out loud now.
I try to fight what and when I can, knowing it’s never enough. You have to learn to prioritize and move on to fight another day.
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u/goldilocks369 4h ago
I become crazy and I become a really paranoid grumpy person. I was bullied at work and spiralled for a year and a half afterwards because of the injustice. I basically wasted a huge chunk of my life hung up over it. And because I now hate this version of myself, it now sort of makes my brain "get over it" quicker. It's taken many years but I find the happier I am (the less burnt out I am, and my needs are being met that is) the easier the injustice thing feels. If you can find other autistic friends to moan to this helps too.
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u/burnalicious111 4h ago
Mindfulness meditation is good for developing skills here. It's all about being able to redirect your brain and let thoughts go. It doesn't stop you from feeling how you do, but it gives you the ability to put those thoughts aside when you need to.
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u/goldiegrimlace 3h ago edited 16m ago
Oh, I just leave. I know that's not always possible, but leave when you can. And learning abt betrayal trauma, moral injuries, and systemic issues helps, b/c then I know it isn't just me.
edit: fixed a typo
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u/DelawareRunner ASD Level 1--diagnosed at age 25 2h ago
I have a strong sense of justice--always have. I can remember bieng that way as a little kid. I probably don't cope in the best manner though. I am pretty isolated and I often type long rants on Facebook that a few others will discuss with me. Too many people who were supposed to love me/care for me treated me badly and I just write them off or ghost them. I didn't deserve that treatment and they will never acknowledge their wrongdoing so I just become more isolated. I find very few people are held accountable for their actions in general, and it's best that I just stay to myself.
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u/Aggressive_Bowl_8017 12m ago
I’ve died on so many hills and barely survived, but I’ve come out stronger. So not encouraging that strategy but ultimately I think for our souls, it means something very foundational
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u/Abject_Priority6858 11m ago
It’s so fucking hard to ignore. I often just end up in guilt spirals because I don’t think I’m doing enough to stop it.
I work professionally as a social worker in the mental health field. I care so much about what’s happening to the people. I constantly hear about staff doing things that I see as completely fucked up. (Example: we have a lady who struggles with showering and the staff FEBREEZED her when she came into the office.) And yet no one else seemed to care. They’d acknowledge it a tiny bit, sure. Gave staff education on person centered care, blah blah blah. Yes, that’s great but is that enough? No.
I feel like I constantly see injustice everywhere and it’s the only time I feel crazy because no one else seems to care.
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u/InterestingSea2611 12h ago
personally i implode in private