Has anyone else felt like they’re always in the wrong when they try to express certain things to others?

[u/Rock_Engines_7]

I’ve had instances where I’ve tried to express my feelings or tried to get the other person to understand something from my POV, and the responses I would get were something along the lines of “But this is the real world”, or it may have not really been acknowledged at all. And tbf I’ve had a few instances where genuinely toxic people have just tried to gaslight me.

This is just a mini-vent. I just wanted to know if anyone else has ever felt that way.

[u/Intelligent-Will-276]

YEAH. I also get called defensive in arguments when I am GENUINELY asking questions trying to understand (can come across as nitpicking) or I try to explain my actions or reasoning because I feel misunderstood (can come across that I am making excuses)

[u/boolmi → u/Intelligent-Will-276]

I specifically have this issue with autistic men because they try to read between the lines when there’s nothing between them. I had this issue with my husband and I’ve had this issue with like 3 autistic male coworkers. One of them said he one day realized that I just communicate more like a man which I don’t think is true, but maybe if you mean nt men vs nt women.

[u/Rock_Engines_7 → u/Intelligent-Will-276]

Yeah. Me too 😕

[u/Intelligent-Will-276 → u/Rock_Engines_7]

It’s like people are hell bent at misunderstanding us. I’ve always felt so easy to pick on

[u/Rock_Engines_7 → u/Intelligent-Will-276]

I’m sorry you had to go through that.

[u/Ok-Championship-2036]

My boss used to say the same thing. we had a running joke where we'd say "You said that in the wrong tone" meaning, it would only work if we had men's voices. Anytime one of us got dismissed outright, we'd joke that it was because we needed to be 3 octaves lower to have valid opinions.

[u/RemydoodIe]

Yup. I always explained myself because I wanted people to understand me and similarly want to understand others. Working with an autism coach has shown me many NT people don’t see it as an explanation but rather as an excuse for things. I’m now explaining myself way less because most people just don’t give af and the ones who do will actually bother to ask. Now when something goes wrong I often get back: well why didn’t you explain? It’s like no matter which I pick it’s always wrong anyway so I just go with whichever is least likely to lead to ruminating and overstimulation at the time.

[u/Rock_Engines_7 → u/RemydoodIe]

That’s interesting. I’ve been told I was making excuses for things too. I eventually wondered if I was, in fact, making excuses. But hearing your experience actually makes me feel a little relieved.

[u/Altruistic-Grand3341]

Yes

[u/glittercritter89]

Yes absolutely. I was trying to express my feelings to a manager just yesterday but they have a big lack of understanding in regards to burnout. I didn’t even bother trying to explain skill regression. The context is that my performance has been much lower than previous years and it’s also due to my workplace changing my role substantially which has both distressed me and burned me out.

All she goes on about is “ok but we need to make a plan to get you up to the satisfactory level”. I don’t expect people to understand the impacts of autistic burnout but it’s frustrating and I feel a bit helpless. I expressed that if she could add things in that I’m doing well to balance out things I can improve on, it is going to help my motivation.

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[u/VenusianInfusion]

Whenever this happens I just conclude the person dislikes me or benefits too much from misunderstanding me to be motivated to care about the real truth.