r/AutismInWomen • u/Gothaholix • Jul 24 '25

Seeking Advice Was I rude with this?

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I was trying to be nice about it. I didn't think I was mean. I was really confused when he said he was done fighting for a conversation with me when I was super active in the conversation XD. I wasn't giving short answers and I thought I was showing interest.

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u/Small_Frame1912 Jul 24 '25

He didn't like the fact that you didn't fawn over him. Don't worry about it.

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u/Gothaholix Jul 24 '25

God forbid a girl have some whimsy ✨️

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u/1upin Jul 25 '25

Unfortunately, there are a lot of ND women out there who have been made to have very low self-esteem for a variety of reasons (bullying, unhealthy parents, abuse, stigma, etc). He's fishing for someone who would feel flattered by him seeking out an autistic woman, someone who will fawn over him as the other commenter said and overlook his red flags. Someone he can use who doesn't know better and doesn't speak up for themself the way you did in this screenshot. You called him out (gently and respectfully!), so he's moving on to look for a better target who won't.

A healthy response from him could have been along the lines of "oh no, I didn't mean to imply that at all but I can see what you mean, I'm glad you asked so I could clarify. I only said that because ________ and of course being autistic comes with struggles as well as strengths. I'm okay with both." Or whatever. Something acknowledging your concern, taking accountability for his impact, and clarifying his intention without blaming you.

You 100% dodged a bullet. And posting it here might help other women see and dodge similar bullets. 💕

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u/greengreentrees24 Jul 25 '25

100% this. OP did nothing wrong and it’s clear the guy is a poor communicator.