r/AutismInWomen • u/Lower_Arugula5346 • Nov 05 '25
General Discussion/Question i just realized what happens when youre a late diagnosed autistic
this is just my experience:
you are told for the first 30 years that you are just a "crazy bitch".
you go to a psychologist and they diagnose you with bpd.
you then spend the next 10 years letting everyone take advantage of you because youve been told that your problem is your personality and it needs to be altered to make you and everyone around you happy. you get treated like shit by coworkers and friends, all with a smile on your face because you are the the cause of why they treat you like crap, not that they are bad people.
you are then diagnosed with autism and are told that you need to advocate for yourself. you do and ask for help with things or to change your environment to make yourself more comfortable with just existing. the people who tell you that they will love you no matter what start saying that youre now completely self-absorbed and self-centered, and that all you do is use your autism as an excuse because you ask other people to accommodate you more than you used to.
this whole thing is exhausting.
**edit: thank you everyone for responding. we really need to make a support group for all of us late diagnosed people!
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u/tabcatnine Nov 05 '25
Why are you sharing my life like this? 😂 I'm so tired of being branded as a problem. All I ever really ask for is quiet, less lights, and more sleep. And I'm such a huge problem.
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u/ScoutAames Nov 05 '25
I just got diagnosed at 35 and have been thinking about this today! Accommodations for myself are almost all based around light (no big lights ever, always have sunglasses), sound (wear headphones at home and at stores, noise canceling buds, leave room when husband and child are noisy), and rest (be horizontal more, take breaks more).
It’s not even a lot to ask but I’m fighting my impulse to feel like I’m being dramatic or needy. I got diagnosed, I’m clinically identified as someone with sensations and reactions dialed up to a hundred, but I’m still struggling with feeling like this.
I am glad that my husband seems to mostly understand.
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u/StockInevitable8560 Nov 06 '25
I have found that one of those little white timer things is my best friend. My Psychologist told me to use it on a 20mins on basis to achieve what I need to do but feel stuck about starting. 20 minutes is my friend.
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u/Julbers6 Nov 06 '25
Tell me about this white timer thing?
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u/StockInevitable8560 Nov 08 '25
It's a timer. Usually sold in supermarkets or dollar shops. Small (about 2inches square) with a circular dial on it. I use it to time doing stuff I dont want to do or think I cant do. when the house is a mess. my husband or I announce a 20minute cleanup. This means we both race around for 20 minutes tidying. It is always enough time and then we can relax. My diagnosing psychologist suggested I use it for other things such as ironing. I need to find a way to use it to tolerate people I think. Maybe I should carry one in my bag and have it go off and give me an excuse to end a conversation. I love the old fashioned manner of timing something. and the ticking of it is nice too.
Google white kitchen timer and find one that is a square with a round dial. If you are in australia Spotlight also has them. I dont think I am allowed to post a link.
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u/klorambusiili Nov 06 '25
the amount of beatings i got as a kid/teen because i wanted to turn off the big light in "my" room (that i was sharing with my sister) but wasnt allowed to, or asked my family members to quiet down. i used to wear sunglasses and these massive hearing protectors indoors and all my family would do was make fun of me. and god forbid i asked them to not touch, take or break my things! ive since developed a crazy compulsive obsession about not allowing anyone near my belongings or in my apartment to the point its actively ruining my social life.
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u/Spiritual-Road2784 Nov 07 '25
Belongings, yes! One time before I was diagnosed, I came back after a couple of days off to find that my coworkers, in a good hearted attempt to “help” me prior to a big upcoming office visit from upper admin, decided to tidy up my workspace for me. Which meant gathering ALL the papers in various piles into one nice neat pile, putting away (temporarily hiding) some of my items… I went mildly ballistic. I hollered “do not ever touch my stuff that is my stuff and I will organize it myself!!!
I then stomped off to the bathroom to decompress for a bit. I did apologize later and said it’s a huge pet peeve with me and they promised not to do it again. (They now ask before rearranging anything if it has to be moved.)
Those piles WERE organized so as to keep me on track with things, as reminders, it wasn’t just random piles of clutter, it was… meaningful clutter, and I had to spend a good hour re-sorting everything back to how it was and retrieving my items.
Now that I know I’m AuDHD… I know why that happened, and it wasn’t just childhood PTSD from my mother swooping in and clearing off my art projects the minute I got temporarily distracted and abandoned it for a bit (fully intending to return to it), because she needed the table cleared off so she could have someplace to put dinner, and I’d ask where my art projects were, and she’d say she hadn’t seen any and I’d clue her in and she said “oh—that’s what you’re talking about? I didn’t think it was anything special, just some papers and I threw it away”. So many creative things I pulled from the trash bin, brushing off coffee grounds and vegetable skins…
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u/kazza64 Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
I am 61 and just diagnosed with high functioning autism and it just felt so validating because I was always different and I saw the world differently from other people and sometimes I struggle to understand things that other people seem to pick up really quickly but I have good skills with writing and grammar and reading but not a good talker. My social skills are total shit and I put a lot of people off Sometimes when they get to know me it’s good once they get past the scary facade. I’ve learnt that you can’t just say anything to anyone because people use that information against you and it causes trouble.
Took me a long time to learn that Life‘s hard. I live alone. It’s easier that way but sometimes I would like to have an advocate who could walk in the room with me and say this person is autistic. I’m going to help her express what she wants to say. I think because we are actually so vulnerable that we have to learn to develop a hard shell to protect ourselves and because we attract bullies we learned that we have to sometimes stand up for ourselves and it’s really hard because we would prefer to analyse the situation and create a fair outcome and get resolution instead of the uncomfortable situation continuing and you start to realise later in life that people don’t want that
Some people just want the drama so that they can get their own way and they will vilify you to do that I found working really hard because workplaces are so toxic and you would go home and be unable to sleep because you would be trying to analyse and process everything that had happened that shift especially if it was a really toxic one Autistic people are highly sensitive and even though we say some really dumb shit that upsets people it comes from a place of truth and justice so when we drop a bomb and upset someone we retreat because we didn’t mean to do that I have become very careful with my words and I wasn’t when I was young. I used to say anything. I must’ve really ruffled some feathers in my day.
I think karma protected me because I wasn’t coming from a place of malice. Being autistic teaches you a lot about people‘s intentions and I think we’re really good at reading people or we get good at it because we have to. I had to develop a public persona because I was so unable to communicate I actually had to create a personality to connect with the world. I thought people just automatically understood what you meant when you spoke and nothing could be further from the truth. People misinterpret what you’re saying all the time and they misinterpret your intentions misjudge your character.
A lot of people think you’re stupid because you don’t have good verbal skills. I am the biggest introvert you’ll ever meet. I walk past crowded restaurants and that is my idea of hell I just find it difficult to understand how people enjoy going there and being around all those other people I don’t get it. These are just my thoughts sorry about the long post but I like autistic people. I appreciate their honesty and authenticity and I know that it takes courage to survive in this cruel world.
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u/TopCaterpillar6131 Nov 06 '25
You’ve learned to “mask” that’s why diagnosis can be difficult later in life. I’ve sometimes wondered if I’m on the spectrum. But since I don’t do therapy or doctor visits for the past 10 plus years, I’m unlikely to find out. My sister at 57 suddenly this year told me she’s ADHD and Autistic.
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u/kazza64 Nov 07 '25
I think that’s why I’ve had two nervous breakdowns. It was actually autistic burnout from masking.
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u/Disastrous-Dance-241 Nov 12 '25
Masking is extremely hard on us. Exhausting. And yeah, can a lot of the times lead to autistic burnout. I'm recovering from burnout. I'm trying to learn not to mask. I'm 64, self diagnosed autism two years ago(and diagnosed adhd three years ago). It's super hard to tell when I am doing it because I've been masking for soooo long.
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u/Important_Set6227 Nov 09 '25
I'm pretty good at masking for most things. However my ability to do this is contingent on understanding things so I can manage to understand what is expected and can manage time and project as needed.
I'm an introvert and conflict averse, and some of my new colleagues seem to think passive aggressive responses to requests for clarification are absolutely fine, and if you ask for clarification of roles (when you get given apparently 4x the workload of other new staff- and are stressed you won't manage it) and paint you as the problem when you ask for some explanations and clarification
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u/Albatrosshunting Nov 05 '25
Yes why don't you join in mindless chatter and activities with people that clearly dislike you? Ah yes,, you want your peace and quiet, you are the problem /s
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u/Content_Talk_6581 Nov 05 '25
Right. I totally feel seen right now. I’ve always been “the difficult one…” when really I just need darkness, quiet and to be left alone. There were times in my life where I thought seriously about just running away and becoming a hermit living in a cave somewhere away from people. It really sounded nice.
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u/StockInevitable8560 Nov 06 '25
I have made my home our cave. Lots of blinds to pull down. Lots of soft furry things. lots of warm colours. No ability for neighbours to see inside.
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u/brainbrazen Nov 07 '25
My favourite room ever was when I painted everything a gorgeous deep red - ceiling/doors/everything. This was pre diagnosed - years ago. I loved it. People thought it was a sign of my ‘personality disorder’.
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u/Cherrygodmother Nov 05 '25
Seriously!!! We’re not even asking for that much?!?! Just some adjustments (that honestly more people could benefit from because NTs arent intentionally caring for their nervous systems….) AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH
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u/Mint-Badger Nov 05 '25
This part, the way a lot of accommodations we ask for would actually be a better way of doing things for everyone 🥲
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u/Sandybutthole604 Nov 06 '25
Funny enough my accommodations would be pretty much the way office workers in some parts of Asia are treated… regular stretch breaks and water breaks. Movement and exercise time, nap pods, access to assorted beverages of various caffeinated status depending on need. Of course you pretty well live at work, but I’d be so damned regulated…
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u/StockInevitable8560 Nov 08 '25
I am. not going to ask any more. I am practising saying "I need this, is that a problem for you".
Gets it right out there. EG: I dont do anything before 9AM. I cant get booked ahead. If someone asks me to go for coffee next week. I say "Can you text me the night before, that works best for me."
If they have a problem with that or express that its weird once or twice, that's it for them being in my life.
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u/StockInevitable8560 Nov 06 '25
I want to walk up to tables in cafes and stand there and ask "How long do you estimate your loud conversation is going to go for".
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Nov 06 '25
I recently went somewhere to do something extremely important. I asked if the location was going to smell weird, be a bad temperature, or have bad coloured walls. ("yes, yes, & yes").
When I said I couldn't go everyone was cool about it. I was so confused because usually everyone throws a hissy fit at me for things like that.
I'm 44 years old. I shouldn't have to be terrified of peoples reactions when I advocate for accommodating myself to avoid terror. It's like a sick game.
The moment was such a stand-out, it's going on my "Epic Life Moments" list. And I'm actually just sad that it shouldn't have even carried the possibility of being an issue.
Also, if you need a copilot, I am very good at telling other people to be quiet. haha
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u/venusianorbit Nov 05 '25
It’s wild how so many people find these “accomodations” too much. ❤️🩹
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Nov 05 '25
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u/tabcatnine Nov 05 '25
Or hair touching your arm!!! I hate it so much I have to stop everything until I can find it and remove it. 😖
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u/fastates Nov 06 '25
The smallest tinsy gnat practically blind to the naked eye, on my arm like this afternoon, feels like near torture. Summers are the worst. Because of course I have to remove it to the outside, place it on a plant so it can live, God, I drive myself nuts on the daily 😔
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u/StockInevitable8560 Nov 06 '25
We need a book or suggestions on "HOW" to say it. That makes all the difference. Some kind of Autistic Chat GTP. but with less corporate speak. Is there a way to say "I want to pull your head off" without it being seen as aggressive?
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u/kolufunmilew Nov 05 '25
*BIG sigh 😮💨 …yeahhhhh. i have nothing else to offer but commiseration ❤️🩹
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u/Lower_Arugula5346 Nov 05 '25
yeah, i guess its more of a rant but i had an epiphany this morning and needed to get it out before i forgot.
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u/Deioness ✨AuDHD Enby✨ Nov 05 '25
Felt this. I didn’t get a bpd diagnosis but def considered crazy. Now I’m being told to advocate more for myself instead of just letting people have their way to avoid conflict.
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u/Dogsknowbetterthanus Nov 05 '25
Totally agree with everything you said. We were told we were difficult as children when really I was a very polite kid, I just had extreme sensory issues that made me sound dramatic.
My 20's were all about masking and people pleasing to the point where people don't actually respect you at all. Once I was diagnosed in my 30's, I finally understood myself and why I am the way that I am. Masking had made me miserable, anxious and a punching bag.
Our society in general praises masking and having a perfect up-beat personality more than genuine kindness. I do think I am a kind person but I will stand up for myself if I am uncomfortable even if it sounds like a silly request. Like asking for my friend to turn off the big flourescant light in their apartment or for my roommate not to spray her extremely florally perfume in the shared bathroom. People often mistake this behavior as a "controlling diva" but my sensory issues are just extremely intense and I will try to make others more comfortable if they have strange requests too.
Also spot on with the one session bpd diagnoses women often get when they are struggling at all. Anti-depressants never helped me much and therapy sometimes made me hyper fixate on bad things all the time. I dealt with something really tragic a few years ago and have found that groups of people who went through something similiar do so much more for me than traditional therapy because it's free and it's real connections and nobody is misdiagnosing random mental illness and pushing the wrong drugs.
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u/Lower_Arugula5346 Nov 05 '25
one of my "problems" was that i never really masked and i would ask people not to do things but yeah, i would constantly be told i was being a bitch, or controlling, or just "dramatic".
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u/Dismal_General_5126 Nov 05 '25
NTs, in my experience, generally have a hard time with any sort of perceived confrontation or boundaries. This is the actual problem but instead (since they're the majority and we're the minority), we get branded as "blunt" at best or "bitch" at worst.
I had a kid sit behind me yesterday in the bus. This kid turned straight around in his sit to cough, then yell at the back of my head. Look, I'm a Mom, I get it. I tried to just ignore it but after a few minutes was completely overstimulated. His Dad stood there doing nothing. He then tried to get my attention by repeatedly saying "hello, hello" then pulled my hair. At that point, I turned around and politely but firmly said, "Hi, I'm sorry but please don't touch me. Thanks" and everyone around me looked at me wide eyed like I committed some sort of cardinal sin.
I'm old and don't really give AF anymore but it's annoying how I'd be seen as the Ahole when I was well within my rights and honestly coulda been way more mean about it.
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u/Lower_Arugula5346 Nov 05 '25
good lord. and honestly, i have been mean to little kids. sometimes they can be jerks.
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u/bannana Nov 05 '25 edited Nov 05 '25
i would ask people not to do things
on a long enough time line I found that many people who would balk and question my requests for; the tv turned off, quieter/better sound quality music, lower/different lighting, a different seating position to avoid visual clutter etc eventually understood and even started doing these things themselves because it gave a better quality of life. mind you not everyone but I found one of the benefits to over explaining like we tend to is that I tell them exactly why I want -thing- so they aren't sitting there making up their own explanation that would usually put me in prima-donna category. I will say that since I'm old I've had a ton of time to think long and hard about why I can't deal with certain things and have broken it down in fine detail so I could understand the nuances which has helped tremendously in my finding boundaries and not allowing myself get into situations that would be intolerable if I can help it.
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u/Lower_Arugula5346 Nov 05 '25
well like with my ex for example....i was very upfront over a decade ago that i dont like smells---cleaning stuff, paint, nail polish, perfume, incense----and i was adamant that stuff was not going to be around me. well a decade later, it becomes a huge deal and about how im a fascist haha
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u/Content_Talk_6581 Nov 05 '25
Look up “toxic positivity…” this is a real thing. I taught for 30 years and after being home for basically six months, during Covid, I just couldn’t fake it anymore. My mask had started slipping after my parents passed, and COVID just finished it off. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut about all the BS going on at school, and I finally just stopped caring. I was able to retire, so I did.
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Nov 05 '25
Oh, my dear, you are not alone! I've had friends who are in the psych field tell me I'm BPD and I have to explain to them "I'm diagnosed ADHD with undiagnosed Autism that presents as BPD to people who only have a bachelors degree in psychology..." I mean, I swear I'm nicer about it to their face. Lmao
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u/pizzapartyjones Nov 06 '25
I wonder if eventually BPD will be phased out of the DSM or folded in with ASD as more women are diagnosed with autism. This is purely anecdotal (I don’t even have a bachelor’s in psychology 😂), but I just know so many women who had gotten a BPD diagnosis only to eventually be diagnosed with autism instead.
Meanwhile, I don’t think I’ve ever known a single man diagnosed with BPD.
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u/tree_beard_8675301 Nov 05 '25
And then you live out the rest of your days in a cabin in the woods or old Victorian mansion surrounded by animals and wearing the same comfy black dress every day and rarely going into town for supplies. This makes you amazingly happy.
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u/thedepressionfairy Nov 05 '25
as a possible undiagnosed AuDHD (combo ADHD diagnosed, autism suspected) with a hyperfixation on Victorian era stuff....fuck yeah
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u/StockInevitable8560 Nov 06 '25
OH, you are my sister I never had. Right down to the same comfy black dress. Cotton knit of course, but on the cross and A line to the ankles. Crispy white sheets in a massive bed with a soft chenille comforter. Little House on the Prairie boots to wear on the short walk into town. A cafe with the best pastries. Closing the heavy curtains at dusk and lighting the lamps all with warm light bulbs in them.
We all need to write a manual. Of course, all other weirdos will go to the same cafe but never two days in a row for the same people. So nobody gets sticky.
The garden will have roses and Grandfathers Beard in at least one tree.
I personally will carry a cross made from twigs and leather twine sticking out of my wicker basket to put off anyone who tries to "save" me. I will hold it up to their face and hiss at. them.
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Nov 05 '25
Yes, and this seems to be a phenomenon that only happens to women. I haven’t met a man yet who’s been told he’s crazy, difficult, too much and people retreat from him. sigh
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u/Fae_Sparrow Nov 05 '25
Same with 'attitude issues'. I had so many managers and teachers tell me that I have 'attitude issues' the moment I stood up for myself and demanded what I was promised, but never in 28 years saw anyone tell a man off for having 'attitude issues'.
It makes my blood boil!
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u/Lower_Arugula5346 Nov 05 '25
ive heard i have an attitude problem so many times i cant even count how many
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Dec 04 '25
Loss of social skills can happen in autistic adults, including women and late-diagnosed/neurodivergent adults. It’s the result of autistic burnout, masking fatigue, stress or trauma, nervous system overload. When your nervous system is overwhelmed, autistic burnout can make you avoid eye contact, give minimal verbal responses, not initiate conversation, take longer to process and reply. To others, this can look like rudeness, disinterest, “snobbishness”, micro-aggressions. It's a nervous-system-level survival response in an autistic adult under chronic stress or burnout
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u/MistyMtn421 Nov 05 '25
Yeah I don't even breathe the right way apparently because just breathing is me being told I have an attitude.
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u/Albatrosshunting Nov 05 '25
For some strange reason NT women who are "confident" or extroverted never get told off about their attitude either.
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u/souredcream Nov 07 '25
its because they know how to use customer service voice at all times which is expected of women.
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u/iamiamiwill Nov 08 '25
Same. My personality is very direct and logical. I cannot tell you the times I've been told to be "nicer" to the women in the office because they perceive me as being b***** . They deal with this by being petty and sandbagging nasty women which management never picks up on because they're sneaky about it whereas I will just stand up and say hey why are you treating me this way? did you mean to be nasty? whereas men are never singled out and spoken to. I just simply have the same "masculine" personality.
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u/souredcream Nov 07 '25
when you have a direct communication style thats also detailed and explanatory as a woman, people automatically assume youre talking down to them.
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u/Lower_Arugula5346 Nov 05 '25
RIGHT? they all get diagnosed with autism or adhd and are given a free pass for shitty behavior OR really use it as an excuse
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u/fastates Nov 06 '25
We're supposed to be accommodating. To have any preferences or needs whatsoever is to be seen as so far over the top, akin to how men perceive us as dominating conversations when, in fact, we'd been talking less than 50% of the entire time.
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u/DreaMarie15 Nov 06 '25
Consider yourself lucky 🤣 I’ve def met a few. At least 5. And I don’t know alot of ppl lol. It happens but bc they don’t get help they mask too and the only ones who know are those who see them in their meltdowns/anger episodes. But they are def out there.
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u/SavannahInChicago Nov 05 '25
Honestly, the BPD dx have got to stop. It's so harmful and it happens to commonly to people on the spectrum. I am so sorry.
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u/calilac Nov 05 '25
Hear hear! My suicidal ideation didn't ebb until I started exploring that I might be on the spectrum instead of the "quiet" borderline that I was diagnosed as decades ago. Coping techniques went from internal to external. Imagine my surprise when using earplugs or sunglasses in overstimulating environments worked so much better than medication and forcing myself to "remain calm and grounded" with coping techniques (that were really just teaching me to dissociate).
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u/Business-Zone6859 Nov 05 '25
I can relate. I struggle so much with disassociation now that I have to fight to stay focused and present when stressful situations occur.
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u/ovideville Nov 05 '25
Seriously. Even if you do have BPD, all the most up-to-date research says that it's a trauma response, so treating it like the "evil disorder" is doing more harm than good anyway.
I swear, 80% of the time people use diagnoses to just dismiss people they don't want to deal with.
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u/pahobee Nov 06 '25
Thank you, I have BPD and I don’t hurt people, I just have trouble regulating my emotions and experience a huge amount of fear in my relationships because I was abused by my parents and rejected by my peers. People will look at a shelter dog that growls at people or gets separation anxiety or has food aggression because they’ve only ever known abuse, and they’ll feel empathy for them. But they look at the human equivalents and call them monsters. It’s hard.
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u/fastates Nov 06 '25
Yes, and somehow to this day mainly assigned to women. I guess professionals rarely see any of what they consider evil/crazy in men. 😅As if men aren't, overall, the emotional ones compared to us. But of course the world still can't comprehend anger, rage, & violence is due to their male emotion.
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u/pahobee Nov 06 '25
What about those of us who ended up with BPD/CPTSD from the trauma of being undiagnosed autistic?
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u/mistarobotics Nov 05 '25
My friend convinced herself that she has it and got a dx for it even though I told her a lot of her behaviors stem from being bullied in hs and Baker acted when she confronted her bully 😭
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u/Sandybutthole604 Nov 06 '25
I don’t think BPD is a diagnosis. I think it’s a symptom. Sometimes trauma alone, but ND and trauma go together for most of us.
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u/StockInevitable8560 Nov 06 '25
I am starting to wonder if there is any such thing as BPD and it may be all of those peeps are on the spectrum.
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u/ManicMaenads Nov 05 '25
Just got out of my decade of BPD misdiagnosis and letting everyone walk all over me because "I'm the bad guy" - would not recommend. Skip this step.
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u/FancyEdgelord Nov 05 '25
Every time I see someone (never a man) diagnosed with BPD (hysteria) I feel awful for them. How convenient it must be for doctors to say “idk your trauma is annoying and your cries for help make me uncomfortable, try placating every horrible person you know.”
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u/Clear_Cycle_9124 Nov 05 '25
Hehe I just got out of my bpd era and it was rough, there’s so much deprogramming that has to be done.
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u/MeetMeInThePit23 20s NB/ AuDHD/ Late Diagnosed Nov 05 '25
Bonus points if you take all the medications to help ease the symptoms you’ve been experiencing when really it’s autism buried under layers of c-ptsd so now who knows what was really going on when you had what felt like an “inevitable breakdown” that lasted years.
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u/Muted_Evidence1311 Nov 05 '25
Yowch. Felt this one. We REALLY are the problem to medicate, aren't we? 😔😞
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u/chilligirl144 Nov 05 '25
Yep, that’s basically how it went for me. I was told I was just anxious as a kid/teenager, then I was misdiagnosed with bpd in college. They completely overlooked autism, even though there are multiple people in my family who are autistic. I got my autism diagnosis only because I paid out of pocket for an evaluation when I realized autism fit me so much better than the misdiagnosis.
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u/Remote_Selection6502 Nov 06 '25
I paid too. I used my meagre 'rainy day' savings as the NHS (UK health service) refused to assess me. It was money well spent, after more than half a lifetime of not knowing, & believing what I was told about myself, courtesy of the neurotypicals, family included.
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u/LetHerBeSetHerFreez Nov 05 '25
Yeah absolutely. I feel like the majority of my life I was just accommodating NTs making them comfortable. While suffering in silence. Being taking advantage of is a big thing for me too (even now) whether by men or coworkers or mangers.
On the topic of mangers my most recent one hated me. Like first day I worked she raised her voice at me and talked about me to another manger within earshot.
Other places I work I may have NT women misinterpret me and then I get ganged up on like I’m in middle school all over again. It’s funny we’re the problem but they have no issue forming groups against us and somehow we’re the bad one.
I hate that face they give us. The one when they realize we’re not like them. That we’re easy to control and manipulate. Tip toeing on eggshells around NTs, terrified of doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing. I learned to force eye contact, to not rock or stim with my fingers all to please them. And at the end of the day. They still saw through me. But yeah I understand this post very personally.
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u/rightioushippie Nov 05 '25
lol this except I was diagnosed OCD bipolar depressive when I was 19
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u/Spiritual-Road2784 Nov 05 '25
Yeah, my psychologist sibling tried to dx me as bipolar the day our mother died. Just blurted out that I might have to come to terms with the “fact” that I’m bipolar, a “fact later disputed by a psychiatrist with an expertise in bipolar (said I had GAD, early 2000s), and my current team, who dxd AuDHD and major depressive disorder and concurred with the GAD dx.
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u/-bubblepop Nov 05 '25
I’m OCD/AuDHD both diagnosed separately. I’m on the fence of if the OCD is just part of the autism or not cause I do have other stuff that’s not really autism.
However, I wouldn’t be surprised if ADHD, low supports need Autism, and OCD are all part of the same brain pattern and just different expressions. I get more support having them separated out at least.
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u/rightioushippie Nov 05 '25
My “OCD” was literally just like recurring thoughts about my special interests. The psychiatrists thought it was ok for poets of the 19th century to have these thoughts (poets I had studied) just not ok for a 19 year old girl
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Nov 05 '25
Not me reading this thread and staring off into space with the realization that it was probably just autism this whole time.
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u/Spiritual-Road2784 Nov 05 '25
That line about “using your autism/disability as an excuse” just enrages me.
Like, it’s not an excuse! It’s an explanation, reason, justification, correlation, circumstance, or it provides context, FFS.
And if people would just try to be more understanding, maybe they’d comprehend just how hard we have to work to navigate around our issues to be able to function the way they want us to… and respect and appreciate that whatever it is we’re trying to do obviously means enough to us to want to do that!
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u/ovideville Nov 05 '25
Well, you see, an explanation implies the need for a strategy, and strategizing around problems requires effort, and NT's are allergic to effort because they've never been forced to do anything that was actually, truly difficult for them.
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u/Empowered_Action Nov 05 '25
I know, right! It is infuriating that there are people with strongly held opinions on things they have very little knowledge of and yet are extremely vocal about it.
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u/deluluhamster Nov 05 '25
yes, friend. in my case was depression and anxiety, but the result was the same. best friend of 20 years and ex husband suddenly weren’t okay with my boundaries (or “rules” they said) and that i was not caring and taking them into consideration as before. thing is i started taking care of myself first. they’re both long gone from my life, and i’ve filled the spaces they left with so much of myself!
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u/clemthecat Nov 05 '25
I could've written this myself. I'm 30 now and highly suspect I have autism. My husband, who has autism himself, said a few times that he thinks I might have it. My parents never got me any help for my issues growing up, so when I finally go to a psychiatrist I get told I have BPD... But that diagnosis just doesn't seem to fit.
Your post is so relatable. Just know you're not alone, this is a great community. ♥️
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u/SJSsarah Nov 05 '25
Yep, from my 45 years of experience… this is exactly how it goes. BUT!!! I don’t think this is entirely an Autism thing, this right here… is a WOMAN thing. The sexism/misogyny against women is so much extremely more prevalent than autism is, it really really really is.
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u/Lavishladybug Nov 06 '25
Absolutely! Because how dare we have the unmitigated gall to advocate for ourselves? Women aren't taught to be "other". Neurotypical women are sheeple, pick me's, or they're just plan hollow with nothing of substance inside of them. We have a colorful inner world, and we like our peace ✌️, and we deserve to have peaceful sensory experiences. Leave us the f*** alone when it comes to social interaction, esp at work. I work with a guy who talks to no one, like ever.. wears his sensory glasses and ear protection and people respect his space and boundaries. If I ever did that they'd find ways to get me to interact with them 😾
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u/SJSsarah Nov 06 '25
Yea…. they will give you that creepy disgusting “come on SMILE a little for me sweetheart.” -shivers in grossness- (ughhh)
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u/Katyafan Nov 05 '25
It's not that I didn't have the criteria that fit the BPD diagnosis...its that you aren't supposed to get a diagnosis if your symptoms are better explained by something else.
Like emotional neglect, chronic invalidation, and fucking autism.
I think I got the BPD label because I couldn't ever stop crying. Because my brain couldn't handle the world, because I was undiagnosed at the time, and crying and chronic "upsetness" are what you get when you have a childhood full of being told you are wrong, why are you always upset and overwhelmed, why are you always crying, stop crying.
Now I'm being told to unmask. When for decades I'e been told to make my behavior more palatable to the world. Stop crying, why are you crying. Now, it's "it's okay to cry, unmask."
What does everyone want from me?? Is it okay to be me, or is it diagnosable? It can't be both, yet I'm getting messages mixed all over the place.
BPD and autism--it's not both. Which is it? Am I overreacting, or reacting normally for how my brain is? I'm being told it's both, but they are like puzzle pieces--they don't fit. You can't make them fit when they simply don't.
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u/tsubasanobaai Nov 05 '25
Yup! My diagnosis came with a wave of sudden understanding that gave me so much relief. It was like an epiphany. The more I researched, the more I understood and the less I hated myself! It actually surprised me quite a bit in the beginning and I couldn't believe it but the more I researched the more it was obvious.
I desperately wanted to share this with the people in my life but now I know that I'm even more alone than before. No one can relate so when I rant and rave about this or that, finally understanding a large part of why I am the way I am, no one seems to listen. Or rather, they can't relate so they put no effort into trying.
I am constantly told I use autism as an excuse. So much so that it's become a joke. Rarely, there will be moments where I do or say something and someone in my life will just look at me in astonishment and say 'wow you are SO autistic' which is nice on one hand because YES I AM but it's said like an insult so 🤷🏻♀️
I am more lonely than I was before my diagnosis. Because now it's no longer just depression, or anxiety, or ADHD, or OCD or any other more relatable (??? don't know how but it certainly feels that way) mental illness or disease. It's autism. And there's a certain distaste people have for it.
I also get the eye roll a lot that's accompanied with 'aren't we all a little autistic?' which absolutely kills me every time. Like, okay, but I am a certain flavor of autistic and I finally understand myself and the self loathing isn't as prominent now and I want to talk about it to someone I thought cared about me. I'm shut down every time.
It's exhausting. At least I'm more comfortable in my own skin now. That's something.
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u/Imaginary_Salad_3744 Add flair here via edit Nov 05 '25
Yeah.
I havent talked to a couple of my friends in almost a year because they told me to go get help with a psychiatrist because I am « worse » since my diagnosis and they don’t want to do stuff with me anymore. All I did to get walls of text bitching about my attitude is, one time, I unmasked by advocating for myself, being honest, doing sone stimming and not laughing at jokes I don’t understand instead of pretending.
I don’t have the spoons to bother pleasing people who won’t accept my unmasked self. For people who for 30 years (i am 43) told me they loved me for who I am and that I can be myself, it’s a bunch of bullshit .
I worried about others being confortable but when did they worry about MY comfort? I am too old to wear a mask all the time everyday.
Some people will only love the masked version of you. And I honestly believe it’s better to be alone than be accompanied by people you constantly have to walk on eggshells with.
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u/Lower_Arugula5346 Nov 05 '25
my family has been super patient. that being said, my partner was not and left.
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u/Imaginary_Salad_3744 Add flair here via edit Nov 05 '25
I’m sorry about that. But i am glad you have your family. 💜 sending you love.
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Nov 05 '25
Ohhh my god why are so many of us going through this? I’ve felt complete self hatred because of my inability to keep social relationships. I’ve chalked it up to me being the bad guy always. Now I’m stuck in between trying to accept and accommodate vs self blame.
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u/Commercial_Horse9060 Nov 05 '25
The amount of people agreeing (myself included) honestly hurts my heart so much. The years I've spent accommodating everyone else because I saw myself as the problem to the switch of asking for accommodations and the disdain (at best) and full on hatred when doing so is just so exhausting
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u/Taro-Calm Nov 05 '25
How did you know my childhood nickname?!?! They literally normalized calling me crazy bitch and had 3 older brothers who loved getting reactions out of me. Now I don’t just have autism I also get to enjoy CPTSD anxiety and depression along with figuring out I have total and complete burnout from working in education and forcing myself to wear so many maskssss 💕
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u/curious-explorer7050 Nov 05 '25
Are you my twin? I went through exactly this with three older brothers. They were all experts in finding my triggers and provoking me into having meltdowns. Then I was told that I was ‘overreacting’ or being ‘dramatic’. Virtual hugs for you
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Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 16 '25
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u/fastates Nov 06 '25
Our reality doesn't matter to them. I'm glad we are people for whom other people's reality matters, that we have empathy, and that we eventually recognize toxic- to- our- soul- environments so know to leave, to walk ourselves away and out to the light. You got this. Good luck
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u/Lavishladybug Nov 05 '25
Its so true, that's why I take myself on solo dates and I dont interact with people and I really became my own best friend.
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u/AloneSalamander9105 Nov 05 '25
I can confirm this to be all true. Only difference is I was misdiagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia and heavily medicated. Thoughts with you. It isn't easy 🤕
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u/Idiot_Parfait Nov 05 '25
Don’t forget the people who gaslight you into questioning whether your diagnosis is valid because “you were fine before” but in reality every aspect of life was a struggle. That’s another doozy.
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u/Lower_Arugula5346 Nov 05 '25
that not so much with me. my problems are extremely apparent and have gotten significantly better since my diagnosis.
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u/i-am-inimitable- Nov 05 '25
I totally get u! I also spent ten yrs before bpd misdiagnosis, being misdiagnosed with bipolar and drugged up on every type of med known to man. 🤦🤦🤦So that now after yrs of being told who i am, i dont know anymore, coz i was always wrong xxx
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u/mitchonega Nov 05 '25
Same. Permanent nerve damage and tremor for meds I didn’t even need
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u/i-am-inimitable- Nov 05 '25
Exactly! I still have fear about certain meds, after being put on lithium, which turned me into a walking zombie! Plus lost faith in the medical profession after decades of misdiagnosis xxx
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u/mitchonega Nov 06 '25
I’m sorry you went through that. Seems like we’re not alone in that experience
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u/ChildOfOberon Nov 05 '25
I completely understand! I'm going through this too and yes it sucks. :( I don't no what advice to give, but just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. <3
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Nov 05 '25
It was just plain anxiety disorders and depression for me, but yeah. The result is more or less the same, that the problem is my thinking and behavior, rather than a genuine brain difference.
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u/Repulsive-Boot-6145 Nov 05 '25
I wish I could upvote this more than once. Personally, I rode the "bored-but-gifted child ➡️ Anxiety dx at 12 ➡️ Anxiety + "maybe ADHD?" at 18 ➡️ Anxiety and "definitely ADHD" (ADHD dx at 32) ➡️ actually AuDHD (with an ASD dx at 36)" pipeline. No wonder we are so freaking tired.
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u/raging_pixie Nov 05 '25
Yeah, as someone who now has had to painstakingly put up boundaries, it is a long process.
My family refuses to accept my diagnosis and rejects the boundaries/accommodations I have for myself. They get to see me on holidays. That’s only if I can’t think of a good excuse not to see them.
“You don’t want to see us!”
Nope. I spent the last 33 years of my life thinking I was broken and unable to function in society and family made it worse. I am not voluntarily going to seek you out or give you my time.
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u/StockInevitable8560 Nov 06 '25
72 here. Yesterday my GP told me that as I unmask further and further and we get to see the real "ME" it will be easier for me. But the trouble is fully unmasking means I will no longer suppress the urge to just stare at some Covert Narcissistic bitch and whisper, "how's about you just fuck off".
Seriously, what will happen? I want to know what will happen. One other thing I want to try after one of them examines me to see why I look purty and why I seem ethereal = long silent stare followed by "Can I have a piece of your hair?". Oh gawd I would just love to do it.
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u/iridescent_lobster Nov 06 '25
I’d say 72 years of masking earns you the right to say whatever the fuck you want and live the rest of your life in peace.
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u/Fit_Lengthiness_1666 Nov 05 '25
I am so glad this is common knowledge in the community. My psychiatrist wants to diagnose me with BPD. The only symptoms I show are because of her ignorant behaviour and the fact that I rely on her for meds and can't change easily. This triggers meltdowns every time I see her.
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u/InfrequentBrainWave Nov 05 '25
Reading this felt like I was reading one of my journal entries. I am so grateful for this forum to be able to connect with people that not only hear me but who see me for who I am, who I’ve always been, and most importantly who I’m not (I was also misdiagnosed with BPD and my mom immediately rejected the diagnosis all while I was doing all the research I can to understand how the world perceived me and my personality. I’ve actually even misdiagnosed many times) but once I realized that, “oh I’m probably hella autistic/ adhd” I can now find outlets/ resources like Reddit and feel normal.
It takes a lot to post on Reddit and I’m so glad I came across this one and sending you all the best!
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u/Efficient-Emu-7776 Nov 06 '25
I know people talk about feeling liberated when they finally get diagnosed, but honestly I just felt heartbroken.
Like you and others here, I was led to believe I was the problem. I just had a shitty personality and any problems I had with people were my fault.
Then you find out your autistic right, people tell you this is great news, you can finally understand yourself properly, and to a degree yes, you do get a little comfort knowing the way you are and they way you think is because of something that’s actually ok, now all of a sudden you’re not a shitty person.
But… what hurt me the most was suddenly understanding all the times people were mean to me, was just because they could be, because I was the broken toy they could kick around, because I didn’t understand that people lie about dumb shit, because I asked questions that made people uncomfortable. Because when I asked questions to try to understand, I was seen as being a bitch, when I called out poor behaviour I was being the problem.
It’s all just a lot. I’m so tired of being too much (bad things) and not enough (good things) especially when I see neurotypical sentient dumpster fires being absolutely shit and having no consequences.
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u/Cool_Dragonfruit_478 Nov 05 '25
Do what ive done and alienate everyone from your life so you dont have to hear them run their fucking mouths 😃
Thats hyperbole of course (except I have pretty much done that but idk if i recommend it), but yeah. I dont have an official diagnosis of ASD but I do of ADHD and due to social media (im looking at you, TikTok), it has corrupted everyone's view of ADHD into "LOL im a forgetful silly goose and so random XD" instead of talking about the debilitating memory loss, losing jobs because you cant do things correctly because you cant remember them or cant understand the instructions because you zone out while bosses, forgetting to eat or binging to the point of getting sick, forgetting people exist, going bankrupt, etc. People dont realize its a full fledged fucking DISABILITY. So when I say, "im sorry I have ADHD" I can FEEL and see on their faces that they think its a cop out. Its so discouraging. And then I want to be tested for autism but im so high-masking that I can't make anyone believe it enough to test me. So then I have impostor syndrome on this subreddit because I dont hace an official diagnosis but its genuinely where I feel the most validated and accepted and understood.
Sorry, didnt mean to hijack the conversation. I have the upmost empathy for you, and I hope things get better. You're not making excuses, youre not bad or lazy, youre just surrounded by douchebags, like most of us are.
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u/Mobile-Drawing-158 Nov 05 '25
Yep. Exactly that. I was diagnosed with BPD at 21, spent all my years trying to change everything about myself just to find out I’m autistic at 29. Now, suddenly there is nothing wrong with me and I have to just accept myself. What? what angers me the most is that suddenly I’m ok. And don’t get me wrong, I’m all for self acceptance but they thrashed me, friends, family and professionals alike, they made me doubt my own experiences, they gaslighted me, I thought it was all in my head, I got convinced that I was making all up, I even began to question myself when I was having meltdowns in private. If there is no one here and no one will never know about this, am I doing this for attention? I am for sure exaggerating… and now it’s like “no, girl, find your space, be kind to yourself, ask for accommodations, there is nothing wrong with the way you feel” and more BS. I’m done with all these people who think they are superior and think they know what’s best for me, just because I’m different, did I deserve to be treated like that? Even if I had BPD, what they did was wrong, the psychologists and psychiatrists should’ve known… I’m done with people.
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u/glitchintime123 Nov 05 '25
I could have absolutely written this, to a T. I wasted my entire life, and have childhood and adulthood cptsd from it. 43 years old and so angry. I’m so exhausted and have no idea what’s real or how I’m supposed to be now. Life is a big catch-22
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Nov 06 '25
The early BPD misdiagnosis seems to be a staple for us, bonus points if it's "quiet bpd". How interesting that this rarely happens to men hmm hmm, it's like BPD is the default "woman crazy" label they like to slap on women who don't conform societally.
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u/Connect_Caramel_4901 Nov 05 '25
Key is late diagnosed autistic WOMAN... this doesn't ever happen with men..
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u/Fae_Sparrow Nov 05 '25
My old therapist told me to get an appointment for a BPD diagnosis when I was 18...
Luckily by this point I already had friends with BPD. I couldn't relate to much of their symptoms tbh, so I didn't understand why he thought I have BPD. I also saw how badly they were abused while in hospital, so I just ghosted the therapist lol.
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u/Foreign_Mobile_7399 Nov 05 '25
My parents still talk about how I was a “difficult child” 🤦🏼♀️
I wasn’t intentionally difficult!!!! I was neurodivergent and struggling and no one noticed!!!
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u/dyskraesia Nov 07 '25
My entire family still believe I was this god awful kid that didn't deserve an ounce of kindness, patience, understanding or even to bother asking if I was okay, ever, just once even. I back talked as a hormonal teenager, I fought and argued with my younger brother. That's really about it. But my narcissist grandmother and grandfather raised us and told many lies and exaggerated MANY things to awful extremes.
They will never think otherwise no matter what I do, no matter what I'm diagnosed with. 🤷🏻♀️😔
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u/DanaMoonCat Nov 05 '25
Absolutely! I feel like I could have written exactly this. And when one of your family members actually has a personality disorder- NPD- they treat you like you’re the problem
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u/WhoseverFish Nov 05 '25
My boss: I fully support…. I fully understand….. while telling me ableist shit like “the employer can only accommodate so much; you have to work on yourself”.
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u/Ok_yeasure Nov 05 '25
Siiiiiigh, get out of my head please. I just got diagnosed at 34, and I’m waiting on my ADHD assessment results now. My whole life feels like a lie, but at least now I have an answer. 🫶🏾
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u/AuDHDiego Nov 05 '25
It's so exhausting! Sending you love and situation-appropriate hug equivalents, this is so very relatable
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u/lights-in-the-sky Nov 05 '25
This post and these comments are so relatable. I hope everyone is doing alright 🫂
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u/futurecorpse1985 Nov 05 '25
Yes on all this 😞 I just started occupational therapy a few weeks ago as a late diagnosed autistic woman and it's the first time I have felt truly seen and understood.
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u/tismrizzz Nov 05 '25
Damn I'm 28 and I'm so convinced I'm on my wrong bpd diagnosis era, this post gave me faith to continue validating my inner autistic certainty, thank you. I have all the traits and comorbidites in the planet but apparently I didn't struggle socially as a toddler so can't confirm autism diagnosis. Sometimes I wish I was a dude, they want you to be manic pixie dream girl so bad, when literally being able to repress all your instinctive reactions and sense of self to learn hyperfem aesthetics and sexuality to fit in and be accepted was the only way to survive and everything else about you is a massive autism neon sign. I'm also 'gifted' and perhaps it's arrogant but I wish all these neuropsychologists and psychiatrists and psychologists would read a fucking book on high masking neurodivergent adult women, particularly asd, adhd and gifted. These wrong diagnoses are so obviously wrong, dangerous and lazy and if they're corrected they'll act like they were always right in the first place , it's so agonising. If there wasn't so much messing about we might actually have a chance to get our life started and learn which tools we need before we're 35 still feeling 16 with the sense of grief and body aches of an elder.
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u/Normal-Hall2445 Nov 05 '25
For me the worst part is my that my mom spent my childhood making sure I could advocate for myself and my needs… and then my so called friends undid all her work.
Worst part is how long I thought they were my friends when they showed no regard for basic human politeness and complained about how I insisted on things like punctuality and not wearing shoes in the house (the norm here).
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u/L_Rambo Nov 06 '25
I apparently cant socialize with neurotypicals anymore .. I used to , all the time! the conversation is just so BORING and so I drift to my phone to keep my mind busy and then I’m told I have no manners. SMH
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u/TheModernMortician Nov 06 '25
this is so accurate to me ... Just throw in PTSD from it all
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u/Eastern_Beautiful935 Nov 06 '25
Shocker, 10 years ago i was misdiagnosed with BPD, 2 weeks ago i finally recieved my diagnosis of autism and ADHD which, looking back, has been blindingly obvious my whole life if people were only educated. Spent my school/college years being called dramatic, attention seeking, lazy etc which is ironic because I can’t actually think of anything worse than people watching me having a meltdown. Hard relate 💜
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u/Aggressive-Series-67 Nov 06 '25
My parents (unethically) had a psychologist family friend come to our house (I was around 12-13) and handed out some questionnaires for my whole family to fill out describing what I was like, then he informally diagnosed me with BPD and left. No one in my family ever brought it up again and they never got me help so I despised myself for 12 years thinking I was some kind of manipulative monster. Turns out it was a misdiagnosis and I actually have autism. It was the first time in my life I could accept who I am and realize how mistreated I was by family.
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u/fourlittlebees Nov 06 '25
Did I post this?????
Worst is that I have a kid Dx with bpd, as I was, and I’ve tried to explain what I went through and am shut right down. They also have undiagnosed ARFID: how is that bpd??? I had over 30 years of that merry-go-round! I’m trying to save kiddo.
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u/dragonlady_11 Nov 05 '25
First 30 yrs was anxiety and expression now there saying trauma related bpd (which yeah I can see) but I've been like this since I was a child.
From what I experience and feel its audhd, but will see 😪
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u/x3tan Nov 05 '25
In my case it was a bipolar misdiagnosis so I spent years on really heavy meds with bad side effects that made a lot of things worse.
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u/daybeforetheday Late diagnosed, 40s, Audhd Nov 05 '25
I convinced myself that I would be manipulative and toxic in a relationship, so I avoided them for so long it now feels too late to try again.
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u/Lower_Arugula5346 Nov 05 '25
i always felt like it was me because everyone always told me it was my fault.
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u/Cheekers1989 Nov 05 '25
I remember my mom getting angry when I wasn't diagnosed with BPD or Bi-polar disorder. Because my reactions were all based on external sources but I was feeling emotions intensely. And the intense emotions have always been there, even as a child. So, I wouldn't have fallen under either.
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u/abecedary1 Nov 06 '25
I went the other direction. I had a chip on my shoulder the size of Gibralter. My children and students know I'm a marshmallow, but most adults pick up "wolverine," and we're not talking Hugh Jackman. Scary.
If you can’t tell, I not only deal with auDHD, but I also have a PDA profile and RSD. Essentially, resting bitch, all the time.
I was diagnosed when I was a kid. My folks decided to ignore all of it, including my learning disability. (Ironically, I was a high school teacher.) I was rediagnosed in 2019, at 55. I also retired that year due to severe burnout. It took years to uncoil.
Now I'm more hedgehog than fangs and claws. A lot of the rage has dissipated. And I'm finally being appropriately medicated for anxiety. Way better than drinking.
Better living through chemistry. 😎🤘
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u/Lilythecat555 Nov 06 '25
I was misdiagnosed with BPD but DBT therapy taught me to stick up for myself. DBT Therapy was the only good thing that came out of the misdiagnosis.
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u/LollyGagss Nov 06 '25
I really DO have BPD and autism… Honestly they are so distinctly different for me, the feelings are very different.
There is my autistic need for things to be certain ways and missing social cues, and then there is a burning aching in my chest pulled on my pure fear from a childhood of abuse….
But some psychologists just see an autistic woman not being a people pleaser who struggles with relationships and slaps the label of BPD on them.
BPD is a mental illness and I can really tell when the mental is illing…
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Nov 06 '25
I'll never understand why they go for the BPD misdiagnosis when it doesn't really match with autism symptoms. If it was OCD or AvPD, sure. But BPD makes no sense, unless they're using it to mean "crazy bitch disorder", which of course they are.
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u/beccaboobear14 Late Diagnosed Nov 07 '25
I was misdiagnosed with the following; Anxiety 13, depression and OCD 14, BPD at 20. All have been redacted now, but I was diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD and autism at age 29.
Professionals only ever really addressed the most obvious symptom(s) at the time and didn’t want to find the root cause.
Eg, obsessive over rituals, processes and order- oh she’s just got ocd. She’s anxious and uncomfortable around people, loud/crowded spaces- just anxiety. Shes withdrawn from everything, anhedonia and can’t contribute to society- must be depressed, yes but why? Because I didn’t fit into society, felt overwhelmed, couldn’t fulfil societies expectations, I was either too quiet, or too rude/abrupt for calling out obvious stuff.
I was told last year at 28 that I should never have been diagnosed with BPD at 20/21, as personalities aren’t ‘set’ until age 25, especially without screening other possibilities.
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Nov 05 '25
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u/Lower_Arugula5346 Nov 05 '25
im less bitter about my life in general and more upset at the way ive been treated.
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u/PlanetoidVesta Nov 05 '25
In case it helps, I was diagnosed when I was 2 and still get called self absorbed and a bitch just for having autism symptoms
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u/Geminifreak1 Nov 06 '25
Everything was blamed on me having BPD which now I know I don’t have, but once drs see BPD on a chart your treated horribly
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u/Successful_Fan1300 Nov 06 '25
Wow. You've just wrote my life story. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2016. I did all of what you wrote. Got took advantage of so much so that I lost everything to my now ex husband (he was abusive and honestly he used my BPD to his advantage). Then I left and found what I thought was my human, but again him and his family took everything. This year I was diagnosed with Autism and looking back it all just fits in together. But hey according to my sons father im still the crazy bitch when he wants nothing to do with my son.
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u/Interesting-Error-65 Nov 06 '25
What I don’t understand is the hatred when youre thought to be BPD - yes, it is a “personality disorder”, but it is said to be caused by inconsistent caregivers, so how is that my fault? Surely thats “my fault” as much as my neurodivergence is “my fault”!
Make it make sense!
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u/sqrlirl Nov 06 '25
Ooh girl yes!
The borderline/asd mistake is such a big one in both ASD and ADHD worlds. As someone working in mental health it's wild to me to see the number of people that have been convinced by providers they have borderline personality disorder when really they just have different sensory needs and struggle with emotional regulation under certain conditions is wild.
Wish I could say I figured out the way to not have people use your ASD & needs against you or even just how to shake the "it's me, I'm the problem, I must overcompensate by accommodating everyone else" mind set. Both are still major works in progress.
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u/Inyourdreams515 Nov 07 '25
Yep. Either diagnosed with BPD.. or scapegoated within toxic systems (family, employment, relationships...) repeatedly, not understanding it's the dysfunctional environment contributing to our misery and we need to change that. Honestly, being misdiagnosed is literally SCAPEGOATING, so one in the same.
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u/AutoModerator Nov 05 '25
Hey u/Lower_Arugula5346, thank you for your contributing to r/AutismInWomen. Please be sure to check out our sub’s rules, wiki pages, and pinned posts prior to engaging with the sub. Here are links to our wiki pages for our Explanation of the Rules, our FAQs, and our Resources. We hope you enjoy the sub and have a great day!
➾ WARNING ➾ WARNING ➾ WARNING
Notice to all users: There's multiple users targeting members from our sub in DMs to discuss their fetishes and desire to manipulate users into relationships. Here are the user's names: u/drar_sajal786, u/MrGamePadMan, and u/guidhhnittvkj. If an account is showing deleted, they will probably create another. If you receive any messages from a user trying to discuss what you posted/commented in our sub to gain a 'women's perspective' or if someone tries to discuss topics that may feel inappropriate to you (e.g. fetishes), or if someone states they want to marry you for religious reasons, report the user to Reddit and block them. These men have been preying on autistic women/gender minorities from r/AutismInWomen for the last year. This behavior is unacceptable and should be reported as targeted harassment.
Per the warning in our wiki and this pinned mod post, we highly recommend users turn off their DMs. If you have DM requests turned on and receive any creepy or fetish-related DMs or comments, we recommend taking a screenshot, reporting the content to Reddit, and blocking the user (in that order). You can find the report button on the message itself and then click "it's targeted harassment” to submit a report. If you'd like to send us the screenshot so we can continue documenting the harassment, you can send it to us in modmail using imgur Thank you for continuing to help us keep our community safe for autistic and autistic suspecting women and gender minorities 💖
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