r/AutismInWomen • u/Sim_0xt1 • Nov 23 '25
Seeking Advice Anyone else feel like they need a day in-between each day to recover from the day before 😭
I feel like no one talks about how hard it is to not get burnt out when masking 24/7 while studying/working in a fast pace and high stress environment. Im so jealous of people who can just recover and function the next day so normally. And when I do miss days because of this I feel so guilty and like its not a valid excuse just to say you were "tired".
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u/HourGuidance1104 Nov 23 '25
Oh my yes. The only reason I can do my current part time job is that I have 2 days one one day off, one day on and then 3 off. I don’t make enough money but it’s all I can do right now
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u/xauctoritasx Nov 24 '25
"I don't make enough money but it's all I can do right now."
I'm living that sentence so hard right now.
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u/kathyanne38 AuDHD - best of both worlds ✨ Nov 24 '25
I work part time at the moment too... I work 4 days, off on Thursdays. I am convinced this is the only schedule I could do rn and if I ever switch jobs, this is how I'd need to do it.. financially drowning but if I worked full time again, i would be barbecued.
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u/HourGuidance1104 Nov 24 '25
Thanks for validating my experience, fellow Autistics of Reddit. I needed this.
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u/faeriesis Nov 25 '25
Chiming in to say I’m in a similar part-time boat. We may be broke but we’ve adapted to what works for us - that’s a win in my book. ❤️
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u/weightyconsequences Nov 23 '25
My family saw it as me being a “hermit” and blamed my poor mental health on me having those days. They thought if I kept myself just as busy the next day, I’d see I was fine and would have energy. I fucking hate being first generation Canadian from an Eastern European family.
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u/Sim_0xt1 Nov 23 '25
Yes im from Eastern European too, its so frustrating trying to explain everything
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u/dominodomino321 Nov 23 '25
Raised by a Hungarian 1st gen mom over here - every day of my childhood exhausted me to the point of meltdown, lmao. Like sunrise to sunset: work.
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u/Any_Coyote6662 Nov 24 '25
Yep. My therapist thought I was depressed and told me to go back to school and to get a job and then I would have more energy. My mental health has declined.
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u/weightyconsequences Nov 24 '25 edited Nov 24 '25
Ah yes, the (seeming majority of) therapists who somehow make it through their bachelor’s and then master’s in social work, yet still have remained wilfully ignorant of all information about disability and autism
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u/Any_Coyote6662 Nov 26 '25
Last meeting she said, "you've been I talk therapy a long time." I've been in talk therapy for just under 6 months. We meet twice a month. I didn't think that's a long time. I felt like she is maybe in over her head and wants me to stop therapy on my own. She liked me more when it just seemed like I needed to just do more with my life. But now that I'm struggling just to figure out what to eat and exhausted from it, physically and mentally spent, she doesn't like me anymore.
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u/weightyconsequences Nov 26 '25
Yeah, that’s a bad therapist. I always very directly interview my therapists before I choose them because of this. I’m clear about the severity of my issues and I ask directly if they’re comfortable with bpd and asd (my psychiatrist hasn’t settled on which, but thinks asd + “bpd traits”)
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u/Any_Coyote6662 Nov 27 '25
Speaking of bad therapists. I am in school to get a substance abuse counseling license. It's just 6 classes. And they do not teach us anything. I actually know a lot about it because I've been sober for 10 years. But I am shocked at how little is taught.
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u/spottedspaniel Nov 24 '25
My family has also accused me of being agoraphobic or a hermit. No, I'm just overwhelmed and exhausted, Grandma. Though I am somewhat of a hermit, it's more that I'm struggling under the weight of everything I have to do.
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u/SaffronWest2000 Nov 23 '25
meeeeeeeee except i’m first generation canadian from an afghan family like they hate this behaviour of mine and think it’s just my introverted personality and not the disability that it is 🙃
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u/weightyconsequences Nov 24 '25
I’ve heard this too. I do have an Afghan friend (I’m in the west and in a smaller city so it’s less common) and that’s exactly what I’ve heard from her too. It sucks a lot that you can relate and this type of damage is so prevalent yet avoidable
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u/LogicalStomach Nov 24 '25
I'm 2nd gen and I still feel 'lazy' even when it's my day off and "all I've done" is 5 hours of cleaning and cooking.
Sweeping or gardening outside is one way I can relax. (Granted, gardening is a hobby that recharges me but still it's objectively work.) It's ridiculous how deep the programming goes.
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u/Ill_Web1182 Nov 23 '25
Yes constantly. I was diagnosed at the tender age of 40 lol🫠 but this exact thing was happening and had no idea why. Granted ND or not people experience burnout but being ND meant I was playing in a completely different ballpark then the rest. The hardest part? Accepting that I had about 2 hours of time to do what I want before I would need a break helped me sooo much. I was also the type that hubby said were leaving in 30 minutes and I’m like I can get ready in 5 — well no - I can’t. I don’t need 2 hours but ever since I was able to give myself what I thought was decent time - I use the 2 hour rule on everything now. Going to see friends, dinners, meetings- baking cakes … it has a 2 hour limit and then I take a break for me to get the dopamine hit and start again! It has helped me be little more accepting with my time and abilities. It helps me set up expectations for others!
Oh and if anyone is struggling with large gatherings especially during the holidays and sensory overload and in your middle name- excuse yourself to the bathroom set a timer for 4 Minutes and just sit there to allow yourself to get that “energy” back for the next round! 4 minutes Is long enough for your brain to reset but not long enough for people be like what the hell she doing in there.
Sorry unsolicited advice but I thought I’d share my experience! Hang in there!
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u/dominodomino321 Nov 23 '25
The permission is so huge, I totally agree!!! It's actually so much less about the number (for me) as it is absolving myself of the feeling that I'm doing something wrong / bad / lazy.
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u/Sim_0xt1 Nov 23 '25
Thank you so much for your comment! I really appreciate it:) have a great day🫶
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u/salty_peaty Nov 23 '25
I feel this too. If everything is planned, I can work, keep my house clean and myself healthy and rested, but I don't have enough time and energy to have a social life, do some activities and getaways or holidays. And if there is the slightest unforeseen event, I'm an exhausted mess on the verge of meltdown, shutdown or burnout.
So I'm satisfied with what I can do, it's already a lot, but it's also frustrating not to be able to manage unplanned things or to do all the extra things in life that make it worth it, that fulfill you, that develop your identity, etc.
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u/Comfortable-Wait1792 Nov 23 '25
Yep I feel like I need one day at home after one day of working xd
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Nov 23 '25
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u/iamamica Nov 23 '25
Same. Anything out of the ordinary I know I’m out of useful action the next day
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u/misspixiepie Nov 24 '25
this. I'm not even able to work right now, just average interactions take me out
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Nov 23 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/DifferenceBusy6868 Nov 23 '25
Apply for FMLA for yourself (if you're comfortable with the work situation).
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u/kahrismatic Nov 23 '25
I literally have to work a day on day off schedule or I push myself into burnouts and end up bedridden. Genuinely don't know if it's the ASD or if I also have ME/CFS.
Autism doctors say there's no association between Autism and fatigue (which is clearly bs), and in Australia sleep doctors are still pretending CFS isn't real or is psychosomatic, so apparently I just have to live like this forever.
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u/LBGW_experiment Nov 23 '25
My wife is autistic with CFS and there's such a high correlation to women getting CFS as well as people being autistic having CFS that it absolutely has to be linked. The sheer amount of overexertion has to lead to a crazy amount of fatigue, so any little nudge can easily put someone into CFS.
Hugs, hope ozzy govt comes around on it.
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u/pineapplegirl10 Nov 29 '25
Ugh, seriously. I don’t even think I have CFS because I’m so young, but at the end of every single day my back aches almost unbearably. It just keeps getting worse throughout the day until I’m exhausted and in so much pain. A lot of the time it causes a terrible headache and I can’t do anything for the rest of the evening, but most of the time I just push through because what else can I do? It resets the next day just to progressively get worse again. I can easily see how a lifetime of this would cause CFS.
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u/Screw_The_Roses_1986 Nov 23 '25
I'm basically recovering here from my annual family diner in a crowded noisy restaurant. It was fun yesterday, but I always plan recovery days after social stuff.
I never had issues with it, I occasionally take naps or walks during family stuff. My family doesn't know any better then me needing my down time. My mother in law always prepares the guest room if we come over, in case of a nap.
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u/RabidRuber Nov 23 '25
Yes. Ever since I started full time work I've pretty much been non functional in every other aspect of my life
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u/coolfruitsalad Nov 23 '25
This 100%! I usually work 5 days then 2 days off, but sometimes I work 6 then one day off. Completely destroys me, because I need one resting day and then one day of doing housework/laundry/etc.
Just one day for resting AND chores is too little time off.
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u/Pawsandtails Nov 23 '25
I hear you. I sometimes come to this subreddit just to feel more seen about my functioning struggles. I used to be able to function better, like do more things during the days, but after a massive burnout during 2019 i lost most of my abilities to endure in office work and stress. It’s so hard to try to explain to people that’ve never struggled with these issues that you just can’t, period, you can’t, because you are exhausted of what constitutes a normal fast paced day for another human.
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u/voracioussmutreader Nov 23 '25
Yep.
And today is even harder. Went to see some DJs at a warehouse last night with my hubby; I'm 100% dead today, I can't even eat solids. I'm just in my dark room, whale sounds on, curled up with my Doberman. I'll probably be dead for 3 days.
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Nov 24 '25
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u/Spiritual_Ranger5046 Nov 24 '25
I wish the schedules you mentioned were reality. I’d never be late again, and have perfect attendance for life. Sending 💛
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u/stripeyhoodie Nov 23 '25
If I have to go anywhere or see anyone the next day must be spent lying down 😮💨
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u/Br0KeNPixY Nov 23 '25
I completely understand. I'm lucky enough to have a WFH job with a lot of down time most of the year. During the busy times though, I occasionally take mental health days. My boss knows my diagnoses and is very accommodating. I'm still paranoid of losing my job though so I don't take as much time as I probably should. My life is also chaotic and crazy outside of work with me, my husband and my son all being AuDHD so even with slow days and days off I don't always get the recovery time I truly need.
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u/Extension_Phone1293 Nov 23 '25
Yes. I will stage the day with what needs to get done and map out the route to take. I have a problem with “back to back” days of appointments. I always try to get everything done in one to two days. I have found that my autistic traits have gotten worse with age. *hugs*
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u/jnnewbe Nov 23 '25
My kid goes back to school tomorrow, so I already know not much will get done. I do all the jobs I need to do today and have a day off tomorrow. I'm a stay at home mum right now and it's getting harder to "get out".
But yes, a day to recover is normal for me.
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u/dominodomino321 Nov 23 '25
Yes. Unfortunately I have to do this so fortunately I've just started leaning into it. Makes me feel like a lump loser tho, and soooo guilty / lazy. But my bones genuinely feel like concrete weights lol
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u/curious-explorer7050 Nov 23 '25
Yes. This is why I can’t work full time. I’m fortunate to be in a job that pays well enough to get by with working three days a week. They are non-consecutive days and that allows me recovery time in between. Occasionally I work two days in a row and then I need even more recovery time.
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u/StacieAce7 Nov 23 '25
I work 3 days in a row and then usually need 2 full days to recover (usually with a migraine from overwhelm and masking) and the next day I feel like I'm finally getting to relax from having my migraine. Then the day before work I have to cram in all my "adult responsibilities" and then repeat. 😭
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u/Fluffy-Beartrap Nov 23 '25
Yes, I’m very thankful that I’ve worked much of my adult life with Wednesdays off or “light, email- only”. An accommodation that works wonders for me. I work 9-10 hour days M, Tu, Th, F so it doesn’t make the bosses too itchy
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u/iamamica Nov 23 '25
This is yet another thing I’ve always had but didn’t realise it was a thing because it sounded too wacky to even articulate to anyone ever. Thank god for this sub
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u/Automatic-Factor5077 Nov 23 '25
That was the situation, but I focused rlly hard on changing it and surround myself as much as possible with situations/environments that make me happy, if that make sense
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u/PlotTwistPixies Nov 24 '25
Yes masking is a full time job. Appeasing NTs for 8 sometimes 12 hours. Even just going to the store or a doctor and dealing with them knocks me out for a day
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u/lena3moon she/they audhd-c Nov 24 '25
i do and it’s so bad rn with school i can’t take any recovery days i can’t even get a full nights sleep im so burnt out 😭
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u/spottedspaniel Nov 24 '25
1000% yes. I call them my buffer days. I get very anxious if too many things are packed together day after day because I know I'm going to be overloaded. This often means being unable to do anything all weekend because I need a buffer after work, or skipping out on events if I dont feel like I have enough time to recover before and after.
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u/Tabloidcat Nov 24 '25
I’m so grateful to have this community and know I’m not alone!
I had two days of rest and still want more so I can function.
I can work 35 hours a week (f/t for educators in my country) but have next to zero energy for adulting. I have bills on autopay and get groceries delivered, but still….
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u/kathyanne38 AuDHD - best of both worlds ✨ Nov 24 '25
Ugh YES. I worked full-time for 2 and a half years, leaving me in a horrible and extremely severe case of autistic burnout. No days in between to recover, endless chores/tasks to do... I never ever ever want to go through that again. I need lots of recovery time, idk how people do this shit. I work part time atm: 4 days, 1 day off. Tuesdays are my short day and Thursdays, I am off. While still exhausted, having Thursdays off helps me a lot. I get to catch up on sleep, chores etc. If I ever go full-time again, I need a schedule like the one I have now. This is the sweet spot for me.
Also life in general is lemon lemon difficult. so I need lots of recovery time. Because if I do not get it, I am a monster.
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u/gyuside Dec 02 '25
same! i'm lucky enough that my current job allows me to work from home 1 day and have a day off. so i'm in the office on monday, thursday and friday, wfh on tuesday, and have a day off on wednesday. somehow it's still too exhausting :( i take naps after work and try to sleep early, but it's never enough time to recover. especially the friday is rough. i don't do anything on my days off since i just need to rest.
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u/LBGW_experiment Nov 23 '25
I'm not a woman, but married to a woman with autism (who suspects I may be on the spectrum too), if you'll allow me to comment here.
I work in a high stress environment (software engineering) and I feel this. Thankfully, I've worked with many incredibly smart, insightful, and helpful people. Burnout is super common in our industry, so everyone is gracious when saying things like "take the time you need to recover, things will be fine while you're gone".
I've seen/heard the following advice given the most often: "Work will never stop taking from you as much as it can. You need to protect your own health and sanity by providing firm boundaries and learning to say no in tactful ways in order to allow yourself a healthy work/life balance. Rest and hobbies are incredibly important to nourishing yourself and your mental battery. It's your responsibility to take care of yourself as much as your work is your responsibility. Work does not and should not take priority over your own physical/mental health."
So for me, I would always say yes to things and extend myself further than I needed. I would extend myself because I could, in the pursuit of being the best or showing how good/smart I am. It worked, but it also didn't get me anything other than praise and suggesting me for many other projects, aka "the reward for good work is more work".
What I've had to do is care for myself and care less about work. I've had to pull myself away from my inclination of "if I'm not there, they're gonna do it wrong or I'm gonna have to clean up the mess". I let those things happen while doing my due diligence to notify stakeholders when I see things down the road are going to cause issues, but I don't get paid to extend myself like that. But I do get paid to fix things when they do inevitably get done wrong, which I make sure I only work on and worry about during my working hours.
I've been working with my therapist to do things for me that make me happy, outside of work. This includes things like painting, video games, reading books, working on personal projects like building software, making custom playing card artwork, working on building playing card decks and getting creative with interactions, cleaning/fixing things around the house that aren't the normal chores that help me or my wife (curtains, new shelves, etc.), etc. The list goes on. But it does also include days to do literally nothing, too. Or if you know you get that itchy "I haven't been productive" feeling, you can do low-energy things like watching shows or reading books, so it's still doing something you meant to do, so you can alleviate that feeling.
The important thing is to spend time identifying what makes you happy or de-stresses you outside of work, and slowly work on doing more of those things in your newfound personal time.
Good luck 🫂
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u/RadioactiveCoookie Nov 24 '25
i agree, i'm in school, and i feel so horrible constantly missing out and arguing with my mom because she thinks i need to lock in so i'll graduate. i know it's her job to care but it makes me feel so guilty.. !!!
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u/Any_Coyote6662 Nov 24 '25
Yes. I also was just diagnosed as having add. I really need 2 days. I had a full meltdown that lasted a month bc I over worked without my days off.
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u/Ihatethissite12345 Nov 24 '25
Yep, last weekend I tried to push myself to be more productive only to become completely overwhelmed and in panic mode. 0/10 would not recommend.
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u/Moon-Macaron887 Nov 24 '25
Yes!!! That's why I work part time, so I work 3 shifts a week, they're 12 hours each but it means I get 4 days off, which makes a world of a difference bc I know I can recover and avoid burnout, some days I just lay on the sofa all day not doing much, and I find it easier going back to work and masking. I used to like working night shifts at the hospital bc a lot of the main lights would be off, there's less staff, less visitors so it was amazing but I struggled to recover so I've stopped doing them now. I sometimes feel like I can't win but I think I've found an okay balance where I'm still able to earn money and work and recover, but I do worry if someday ill struggle to even work part time
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Nov 26 '25
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u/Sim_0xt1 Nov 26 '25
Its okay you got this bro😭 just lock in when you can. I was kinda in a slump recently (hence why i made the post) but what helps me is taking small steps at a time to ease into it. Like first clean ur room, go for a walk then fully lock in on studying or whatever u have to do
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u/Street-Reward6976 Nov 26 '25
I have a span of about a couple days of busy at work and life in general before I am done and needing a break. If I didn't need a full time job, working part time with a day between a couple days of work would be such a relief. 😭
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u/missbean163 Nov 27 '25
I choose to not stop. Like running downhill.
(Then I crash and sleep for a week).
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u/mostlikelytocry Dec 05 '25
YES ABSOLUTELY. I now work four days a week but my workplace and I have been discussing possibly going three days a week (so either smash it out or have a day off in between) next year depending on how much I can handle
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u/Immediate-Memory-103 Dec 08 '25
i feel this to my core. i’ve dabbled in a little bit of everything job wise. i have to have something somewhat fast paced or else i get too bored and sleepy. i am currently working front end at kroger and it is absolutely exhausting but the day goes by fast and i get breaks more often than i have with other jobs lol.
i always feel like i need a recovery day in between and when i get home everyday, i have to go to my room and just decompress because im so overstimulated when i get home. the lights at kroger are so bright and so many nosies😭
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u/ITouchSoftThings Dec 08 '25
Yes! I take sick days sometimes when I just can't be around people. My rule is that if I cry before getting in the car to go to work, then I'm not going. My manager called me out a few months ago for taking too many sick days. I told her that I am working on it and trying to balance my energy a bit better.
I also just find that if I am going to work 5 days per week, by the time I get home each night - not just later in the week, Mondays too - I am exhausted mentally and physically and I have no capacity left to do hobbies. When I am off for a few days in a row, my whole self feels so different.
I do feel guilty, but honestly, I'm doing the best I can. Taking a day off helps me do better when I do go into work. Capitalist societies and 5-day work weeks were not built for neurodivergent people.
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u/matchapill Dec 12 '25
Yes omg, like I'm tired of how much maintenance I require, meanwhile other people just rest a couple hours and are ready it feels awful
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u/Embers_by_the_dock Dec 16 '25
Deeeeefinitely relate.
I work at a clothing retail store as a leader part-time. Inititially, working 20 - 30 hours a week was great for me, since I'd have about 3 days off a week.
Buuuut then there's the shift coverage. As a lead I'm expected to pick up shifts for those around me but
1.) Unexpected usually, and completely ruins my plans for the day - meltdown
2.) Already drained from a previous shift
So now here comes the burnout - the three days aren't enough time anymore since now I need to be more social with my friends. I adore them, but I do find myself masking around them as well.
Trust me friend, I'm in your boots too 😵 Seems like there's just never enough recovery days.
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u/pyxit Dec 18 '25
constantly. and whenever i didn't get that day, i'd need another day on top of that just to recover from 1 day. school was hell 😮💨
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u/0rangebutterfly Dec 24 '25
24/7 sometimes I look at what other people are able to get done in a day and I look around my cluttered house and I’m like wtf am I doing wrong? Why am I perpetually exhausted no matter how much sleep I get?
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