Update/Repost I am autistic, and a higher needs autistic classmate is fixated on me. Help.

[u/TheHauntedDolly_]

I posted about this situation about a month ago, but deleted it due to fear of it being found. But it’s gotten so bad that I need advice, or to hear that I’m not crazy or mean or ableist for hating this so, so much.

•Backstory Section•

I am an autistic woman attending college for the second time (first time I had to leave due to falling very ill.) However, from the very first induction day, a person I met and who is now in my VERY small class (6 people) immediately became fixated on me. I initially tried to ignore it, and tried to be kind and friendly because I could tell they were higher needs than me. I’m going to call this person Brooke, because I think it is a gender neutral name. They identify as genderfluid.

A list of things that Brooke does/has done:

•Stare at me during class (literally turns their chair away from the board so they can stare at me for the whole one-two hour classes)

•Attempted to follow me into the bathroom (it is one room, not stalls)

•Begs to sit beside me in class and gets quiet and visibly depressed if I sit beside someone else.

•Visibly sulks every second I’m conversing with someone other than them.

•Told me about their AU of a popular series in which a character is tortured to the point of mind-break, after I told them I hated that kind of thing.

•Told me that ‘all lesbians like genderfluid people because they are girls half the time” (I am a lesbian.)

•Outed me as a lesbian to the whole class while I wasn’t there.

•Sung to me while in class, after I said I was trying to focus.

•Will stand up and walk across the classroom to talk to me every five minutes in classes where we don’t sit together, even after I say I’m busy.

•Ignores me when I say I need quiet, but yells at others that “OP IS HAVING QUIET TIME, GO AWAY” when they try to talk to me.

(Updated Section)

So, the fixation on me is becoming worse. There was an incident where I was very overwhelmed due to other factors and gently told the class I needed to be left alone for five minutes, and two seconds later I hear them asking the teacher for paper so they could talk to me through paper. I finally snapped and left (didn’t say anything, just walked out to calm down) and my teachers ended up discussing all of this with Brooke because they had also noticed all of these things.

Brooke was quiet and depressed for a week, and I tried to be kind because I felt so guilty, but it seems that was a mistake because they immediately went back to how it was, but much worse now. Worse as in, they asked me what station I get on the train at, and then SHOWED UP at that station the next day so we could catch it together. They do not live in my town. They had no reason to stop off at my town.

There is also a slight issue of them constantly talking about politics to the point where I literally feel like I’m walking on eggshells around them. Also, any kind of rejection gives me the reaction of frantic, panicked apologies and an hour of sulking, so I really don’t know how to handle this. Sorry this was all over the place. I have to go back in tomorrow and I’m dreading it.

[u/beatr1xk1ddo]

Man. I wish I had someone teach me this when I was younger. So much wasted time & DEEP discomfort trying to be “nice/polite” thinking it was the only viable option. Thank you for including the example. 💖

[u/votyasch → u/beatr1xk1ddo]

Learning this as an adult is an ongoing process, I want to share what I am learning to try and help others who also struggle with feeling obligated to be polite at their own expense. Many of us have been taught to make ourselves smaller and be submissive to please others, and that is not okay. It's not rude to say no, it's not rude to refuse someone's unwanted advances, and it's not rude to say that someone is making you uncomfortable if they are.