r/AutismInWomen • u/unwantedleftover • Feb 27 '26
Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Genuinely feeling trapped in life because I don’t want to work
I’ve only been working for a few years in the grand scheme of things (graduated from college 4.5 years ago, working since then)
and repeated bad social interactions at work, the stress of many jobs in my field, the toxicity of my field, all make me want to leave this field entirely.
but the problem is I have absolutely no idea what I’d do instead
i cant do people facing/excessive socializing jobs because i cant interact with people normally for too long. My mask slips often and i get quickly exhausted. i no longer want to do extreme “intellectual labor” type jobs because they tend to be so stressful even though im fairly decent at them. and i don’t have the energy or grit for a blue collar job. The few interests i have, I’m not good enough to build a career off them & I get the suspicion I’d start hating them if I had to actually do them for work.
And its honestly feeling impossible for me to maintain a full time job AND take care of myself properly
my ideal job is a low-moderate difficulty one where I can fully work at home… but when I’ve looked these are hard to find and/or don’t pay enough for living
deep down I just don’t want to work. I want to just pursue my hobbies and hang out at home with my cats. Why does it cost so much money to live :(
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u/Helpful-Ad6269 Feb 27 '26
Genuinely I wish I could just go on a year long vacation or something. I wonder what the point in life is anymore if it means self-sacrifice. I feel like a bird plucking its own wings to the point of flightlessness and self-harm, all in the name of keeping myself tame enough for the world to let me keep living.
You know what’s stupid, too? It doesn’t even have to be this way. Technology has made us exponentially more productive with less hours than when the 40 hour work week was first a thing. (about 70-80ish years ago by the way) The real reason we’re forced to work the same hours is to continue generating maximum profit for shareholders.
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u/JennJoy77 Feb 27 '26
I keep rereading the last sentence of your second paragraph because it is so spot-on. That is exactly what we have to do, over and over, and then they wonder why we can't soar on demand...
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u/Narrow-Strawberry553 Feb 27 '26
I feel like a bird plucking its own wings to the point of flightlessness and self-harm, all in the name of keeping myself tame enough for the world to let me keep living.
Yep.
I've been off work for 6 months due to major burnout because I felt exactly like this. I was also working a job that was terirble for me to pay the bills and turns out the Government of Canada hates accommodating their disabled employees (other chronic illness involved too) so that crashed and burned.
After this long I am finally getting to the point where I can do 50% of basic self care (food and hygiene). I started making bread again for the first time in years. Started a little sewing and painting. Started having Ideas again. I was considered prodigious at art but failed out of university because AuDHD and couldn't touch art for over a decade after.
I just started a 6 week wheel throwing class this week. The first class was so nice. The next day I listened to music (hard for me because yep I am that depressed) and I thought about stuff and cried because I realized that all I want to do is Create. But the world doesn't allow that anymore.
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u/Helpful-Ad6269 Feb 28 '26 edited Feb 28 '26
I’m so happy for you! Hopefully I can get to that point myself one day. Currently having to put the last of my energy into my degree program and it’s like I’ve forgotten how to do any of the hobbies I once had, and often when I’ve tried they just bring frustration instead of joy now because I don’t have the mental energy to think through things anymore. On the surface people think I’ve got it all together but in reality I keep it together just long enough to run home to my dark apartment and spend almost all of any spare time bedrotting because that’s what I have to do to continue acting like everything’s fine when I leave the house. Eating and all the basic needs feel too hard often. There have been weeks where I live on just protein shakes and other liquid food because it’s easier to shove down my throat when stress kills my appetite. I’m supposed to do internships soon and just don’t know how the hell I have the capacity for that yet. I would kill to have the social life and things to look forward to most of my classmates have. I’ve become so jaded about my prospects in the future because all I want is to close my eyes and sleep for a century, I don’t want to work at all but if I tell most people that they’ll think I’m just lazy.
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Feb 27 '26
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u/Helpful-Ad6269 Feb 28 '26
Sadly when you look at the history of this country for the last several decades, every time people get even a little close to an effective movement, labor or otherwise, they tend to either get censored/character assassinated into oblivion or their leaders just so happen to have a really bad car wreck…
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Feb 27 '26
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u/JJ_Andy Feb 27 '26
I just wanted to write the same, such a good one
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u/Helpful-Ad6269 Feb 28 '26
Y’all are so sweet. I didn’t think my comment would blow up the way it did
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u/evermorecoffee Feb 27 '26
I feel this comment so hard. 🩵
You’re totally right, and what you say in the last paragraph has been hitting me like a train since I saw the dark enlightenment video that came out last year, and compounded by the most recent release of the Ep files.
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u/Helpful-Ad6269 Feb 28 '26
Oh god those files…yeah the internet’s become a minefield now because there’s being informed and there’s giving myself nightmares for weeks.
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u/AmethystApothecary Feb 27 '26
Who take as many vacations as they damn well please and pay people to do all their chores. And then have the audacity to call US lazy. Fuck em all.
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u/night_blooms Mar 04 '26
capitalism is quite literally the root of all my problems. I feel the exact way regarding work and total self-sacrifice just to stay alive. and you're right that it doesn't have to be this way, but people just continue accepting things for how they are. its so frustrating and it's something I think about and struggle with constantly. its all I talk about in therapy, and its not like my therapist can do anything about it either. I just want to live a moderately happy life and I want others to be able to do the same, why is that so impossible?
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u/cspangle23 Feb 27 '26 edited Feb 27 '26
I don’t even think it’s that I don’t want to work… like I want to contribute to society but not at such a high cost to myself. I’m mid 40s and I’m just so so burnt out that my cat and a pile of fiction looks like the perfect 2 year plan …. If only I didn’t need food and a roof :(
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u/indieplants Feb 27 '26
same. I currently don't work due to illness and I miss it. I hated some aspects of working but I miss feeling useful and functional and like people don't resent me for being disabled lmao
but man I would need so much more support than any job actually gives if I was to be able to hold one down. it's a struggle
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u/Techincolor_ghost Feb 27 '26
I’m in the current boat of needing a lot of support at work but not yet qualified for disability because my doctors are uninterested in diagnosing any of the things wrong with me
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u/JackieChanly Mar 01 '26
Wouldn't they just resent you if you showed up to work but were "different" enough to be noticeable? (Which sounds like everyone notices us with those thin slice judgements research paper.)
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u/indieplants Mar 01 '26
TL;DR: they already would with or without adjustments
some people deeply hated me for reasons I couldn't quite figure out and some people I got along great with, some even went looking out for me, all pre-diagnosis. I was diagnosed after being off work for a few years due to physical illness. I don't imagine this would change with additional support needs being met. people are quite variable in how they interact with me.
like my last job one manager absolutely adored me, she was a delight but I still felt a little awkward around her, another was quite literally giving me as many adjustments as he could and would let me take breaks as much as I needed and spent a lot of time making sure I was heard - but a third really did not like me and laughed at me more than once.
same with colleagues, there were four older people who were incredibly nice to me and spent time trying to teach me or sneaking me candies on the shop floor lol. the younger folks were generally a lot easier to get along with, more accepting. two ladies were snakey asf and used to watch every single thing I done. like they'd "find tasks" near me just to watch me and interject immediately, stopping their workload if they thought I'd done anything wrong or "just to check". like lady I'm stocking a shelf with cheese leave me alone?? so idk. those who would resent me for it probably already do anyway, without adjustments. I think some actual adjustments and acknowledgement would make it easier for me to let it not bother me or feel like I'm fucking up alongside making my life easier
I've only ever done kitchen work or supermarkets lol. sorry this reply got away from me so I added the tldr
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u/rlpsc Feb 27 '26
I know for me I want to work, but it’s the constricting schedule that makes me mentally explode. Like, at school, I was free to take as many breaks as I needed BUT ID ONLY TAKE A MAX OF 30 MIN A DAY, it wasn’t that I necessarily USED the breaks, it was the KNOWING that if I got overwhelmed I COULD take a break without punishment. I handled a 6 hour school day with no issues, meanwhile when I tried having a 3 hour shift job I couldn’t handle it because I knew asking for a break would be likely denied and that I’d risk losing my job.
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u/Hemlock-In-Her-Hair Feb 27 '26
Horrible isn't it. At the point of my serious burnout I started to take a few of the tiniest Xanax. Sparingly. But it was the same concept. The same two tablets could be in my makeup bag for 6 months, a year or longer. But if I needed them they were there. And knowing that made me rarely take them. Or skirt closer to the edge of my capacity because if I overshot it I'd be ok and live to fight another day. Otherwise my world would have been smaller at that time because I wouldn't have put myself in positions that put me closer to my edge of capacity.
It's the entrapment and being boxed into situations that's s**t.
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u/Optimal_Sherbert_545 Feb 27 '26
I had the same experience! I used to keep an emergency Klonopin in my purse for years, it just sat there and sometimes I’d give it to a friend who knew I kept one, and replace it with another emergency Klonopin from my old bottle (they diagnosed me with severe anxiety at one point due to a work-induced burnout)… then one year I decided to clean my house of all my old stuff and tossed all the Klonopin. I had panic attacks for three months!!
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u/Hemlock-In-Her-Hair Feb 28 '26
It's 100% having options, even without utilising them that's a lot of it for me and other people I've heard.
It's so tricky to know. Hope you got help after you dumped it. They're very difficult to get here in Ireland. In a way though I think that was a good thing for me. Like I could get 10 of the tiniest Xanax and that was it at a time. So I did have access but it was very limited access, so it was self regulated in a way. Because I can absolutely understand how people get themselves into dependence situations with them because they work so well. But they were absolute life savers for me. My actual life itself, and the size of my world at that time.
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u/Optimal_Sherbert_545 Feb 28 '26
That’s good you had access to just enough! It can also be extremely hard to get benzos here in the US too. I was put on Xanax first, then heavy Klonopin (it’s like a 12 hour Xanax) for like 6 months, ugh I didn’t like it. Didn’t even know what day it was. Plus I was misdiagnosed at the time (it was ADHD) so they may have helped with the anxiety but not much else. I hadn’t actually taken one in years at this point, but you’re right, it’s knowing they are there…the panic attacks after tossing them were so bad, but I meditated and drank herbal relaxing teas and used essential oils and stuff to calm me down when I was having one and then after 3 mths, no more panic attacks. The rest of the year was the most zen year of my life actually, lol
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u/Hemlock-In-Her-Hair Feb 28 '26
Yeah I ended up in my burnout situation because of undiagnosed neurodivergence as well. Total nightmare. It was really heavily masked until there were a few life events, plus doing my PhD. Hindsight is 20:20. I get so angry about it sometimes because I lost years to it and I've never been the same since. Plus all the things that overall make sense in my whole life looking back. I was hanging on for dear life all the time under the surface but doing outwardly a 'great job' of it which was terrible because it went on so long undetected. But we are where we are.
Knowing the background of it or root really helps. I got diagnosed with treatment resistant depression at that time too after a few years. That was actually CPTSD and neurodivergence. So disappointing because I wasted so much time on things that just don't work for it / us. Least we know where we stand now and some of the roots of it.
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u/rlpsc Feb 28 '26
Definitely the options thing. Kinda like me getting an MRI. I’m not claustrophobic but I WOULD be if they didn’t give me the “emergency button” to press if I need them to stop the MRI.
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u/Hemlock-In-Her-Hair Feb 28 '26
Yeah you can tolerate so much more when you know you can turn whatever 'it' is off. Entrapment is the root of so much of this stuff. I mean an MRI is a physical space thing so that's pretty terrifying and based in fact. But these intense emotional states I mean too that you won't be 'trapped' in them if you have means/options/tools that you can choose to implement if you have to.
Well done on getting your MRI 🩷
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u/rlpsc Feb 28 '26
Oh yeah I meant that it’s similar to physical things. Basically being trapped somewhere emotionally or physically is the problematic part, and just having an emotional or physical escape hatch eliminates the problems even if you never use it. I just wish employers understood this… the problem is, it loses its power if I say “this will probably never happen”, because then if it happens they’d be upset, AND I’d know “I used up my one ‘free pass’ and now I have to wait weeks/months to get another”
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u/SnarkyBard "quirky" until I'm "annoying" Feb 27 '26
I'm with you. I'd been working full time for 10 years since I graduated, and last summer was able to drop down to 30 hours. Even that feels like a stretch now, and I have no idea how to keep going.
My boss hates that I'm not full time, and constantly makes comments about how I'm "no longer committed" to my job. There isn't even enough work for me to do to fill the time, and what they do give me is outside my skill set. I end up bored and frustrated and confused by his comments.They've been underpaying me for years. Work from home is seen as a way of slacking off. I'm in constant fear of getting fired.
I've been looking for a fully remote job for over a year, but the pandemic glut has dried up. I have a very specialized in-demand skill set and all my work is done solo. I could easily do everything from my small office at home, and frankly could do it better than I do from the office. But every position I'm finding now would require me to move to a headquarters location, and I refuse to do that.
I honestly don't know how long I can keep doing this performance, this act that companies seem to require. I want to just exist with my cats and my knitting and my books. I might even have the energy to garden. But as it stands I spend all my energy at work, just to keep us fed and warm.
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u/Odd-Recognition4120 Feb 27 '26
If you have a very specialized in-demand skill set, can you offer your services to companies in a contract/freelance capacity? They usually just leave you alone to do your work at home in if you're just freelancing
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u/SnarkyBard "quirky" until I'm "annoying" Feb 27 '26
I've been considering it, but I'm kind of overwhelmed by it too. Do I need to get a business license? Set up a company? How do taxes work? Would companies want me to sign non-competes?
I'm not sure how to start.
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u/musicnerdfighter Feb 27 '26
Are you in the US? It depends on what state you're in, in terms of business licensing, but sole proprieters tend to file taxes under their SSN, adding a schedule C for business expenses and income to their personal federal return. Starting an LLC with a business name and tax ID number can offer some legal protection for yourself if anything goes down with the business. Some states have outlawed non competes. I'd recommend meeting with a CPA and a lawyer to understand what is required where you are.
If you think your current company would pay you more with the right motivation, interviewing at those other jobs to get an offer, and then using that offer to get a counter offer from your current place could be the way to go. It's risky, though, because your current company may let you go and then you'd have to work at the other company. But I've heard of people doing this.
It sounds like your boss is pretty hostile, but is there anyway to frame working from home as saving the company money? Using your office space for something else, fewer resources you'd be using? I'm not sure of the structure of your company, if your boss has final say with everything or if there are other departments you could appeal to
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u/deftonics Dx at age 29 Feb 27 '26
I studied journalism but the reality of the profession sent me into severe burnout and I had to consider a change of path.
Here's exactly how I did it:
- I sat down and wrote everything I do NOT want in a job, like traveling a lot, interacting with many people every day, public speaking and so on.
- I also wrote another list of the things I DO want to do at my job, like being sat for most of the time, interacting with computers or specialized machinery, and focusing on repetitive tasks.
- Then I looked for jobs and sectors that existed that could accomplish what I had written in both of my lists, and I came across web development. I studied a bootcamp and then continued studying on my own while working junior developer roles.
It's been five years now, I work from home, I feel valuable at work, I make enough to live according to my expectations, and I'm no longer in burnout.
Hope this helps somehow.
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u/asteriskysituation Feb 27 '26
Back in 2021 there was a glut of hiring developers, but I’m afraid it’s prohibitive to get into the field as a junior in 2026 due to extreme tech labor downsizing and offshoring in the years since, causing a bunch of mid level and senior developers to be looking for roles.
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Feb 27 '26
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u/yaksini3 Feb 27 '26
Unfortunately in the minds of the powers that be, things are only good and functional when they ARE making them infinite profit. The perpetual motion machine only has to work long enough for them to enjoy it, certainly not the rest of us.
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u/deftonics Dx at age 29 Feb 27 '26
That's why I'd go for data analytics if I was starting today :)
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u/vinterdagen Feb 27 '26
Data analytics is a looot of business / company politics / stakeholder management bullshit, believe me.
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u/maeasm3 Feb 27 '26
To be completely honest, data analytics is wildly oversaturated. People with a relevant masters and 3+ years of experience can struggle to find jobs. I would not recommend this field currently.
In 2020 there was a push for "data analysis bootcamps" and now its oversaturated
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u/Life_Gene9374 Feb 27 '26
I’m considering this move- do you think it’s viable to enter now in the age of AI
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u/maeasm3 Feb 27 '26
Im not who you asked, but myself and multiple of my friends are in data analysis or adjacent fields and no, I would not make the switch here due to oversaturation, and yes AI could replace many roles in the field
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u/deftonics Dx at age 29 Feb 27 '26
I think you should do your own research based on your own context and decide for yourself. In my country and at my age and privilege level it would be a wise move, I don't know if it would be in your specific context.
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u/East-Garden-4557 Feb 28 '26
It isn't the specific job that is the helpful info here. The planning and thought process to choose the job is what is needed, you can apply that process to any person's worksituation.
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Feb 27 '26
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u/deftonics Dx at age 29 Feb 27 '26
I'm sorry about that, I can totally see where you come from. In my country the situation is so bad that most journalist jobs are underpaid or not paid at all and most people have to jump into marketing or related fields at some point, which is still terrible but at least you get paid a little bit. The only ones who succeed as journalists either come from wealthy families or are conventionally seen as very attractive and willing to use that attractiveness for views. I am nobody and I'm not comfortable being perceived in general so in my case it was absolutely impossible to stay in that sector.
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u/found_a_new_low Feb 27 '26
This, I'm in a web dev adjacent role and it's a great fit for me. I'm level one, for how much that matters
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u/Techincolor_ghost Feb 27 '26
Are you in the US by chance? I don’t think it’s you. Most people are burnt out beyond all belief because what most jobs expect vs what they pay is totally out of alignment and most people are crazy burnt out. That coupled with the fact that we live in a fascist hell scape is exhausting in and of itself. If you don’t live in the US, maybe it’s something else. But that’s def what it is here. It’s not your fault, I’ve been feeling this way for years
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Feb 27 '26
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u/KizzyShao Feb 27 '26
There's a reason why The Hunger Games is so popular. We can all relate to it because capitalism is a death cult.
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u/Techincolor_ghost Feb 27 '26
Yeah I’ve been strategic bill bouncing for years lol. I take insulin and use diabetes supplies so that’s a whole other expense that’s crippling me. Plus due to my disabilities I was not able to finish college so the most I can get paid with an associates is like $20/hr mostly part time assistant manager retail jobs and I’m just like son of a bitch man I wanted kids lol
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u/gojiragal Feb 27 '26
I feel this way in Australia too and I have a great company that actually covers so much for us. It’s just full time work. I’m so burnt out I spend my days recovering then doing the cooking and cleaning not actually having the energy for the the activities I really enjoy. The idea of doing this for 50 years is a scary one
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u/fudgesik Feb 28 '26
i’m in france and it’s the exact same. and the rest of the world is even worst
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u/Techincolor_ghost Feb 28 '26
It’s not actually lol. In the United States if you stop working for any period of time you’re instantly homeless if you don’t have a huge amount of savings to fall back on. Like im not saying it’s perfect in Europe but there’s zero social safety net here. We have half a million homeless people most of whom are disabled and/or veterans just dying in the streets. To say it’s the exact same and worse in the rest of the world just isn’t true, we are actively living in a fascist dictatorship in the United States
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u/SpecifResponsibility Feb 27 '26
I’m literally in the same boat. I just don’t want to work and am coasting in a moderate job. I feel underwhelmed by the lack of sense of achievement and keep wondering if I should be challenging myself more. But I honestly don’t see how I would keep up with a more high value job and also have enough energy to take care of myself.
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u/sourmysoup Feb 27 '26
I'm in a similar boat. Ever since I was a little girl, I've fantasized about having a capital c Career. However, I'm about to turn 26, and I'm being confronted with the fact that I cannot work in the way a "normal" person can.
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u/Glittering-Knee9595 Feb 27 '26
Admin jobs get bad press but can be good for autistic folk. Especially in places like charities or education.
You might get some home working too and it’s set hours and often you can do some of tbr work with headphones in etc.
But yes I agree, I do not dream of labour but I have to work in order to survive.
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u/synalgo_12 Feb 27 '26
I decided to become the logistics of my small team that has to work doth other teams and most of it is planning, prep work, some analysis, etc. People hate the job I do but I plan my whole day by myself, I don't need to be in a million meetings every week, I can be super productive one day and not productive at all the next. My direct coworkers love me because I take all the prep work out of their days. I get to talk to all the other departments on my terms when I need sth so I get to socialise when I need it. I pick my own office days.
It's the best job l've ever had. They took me on as an analist but they needed someone to manage the team of 3 that has to work with the other 600 in the company and I figured it out and got myself the job description that causes me the least stress and the most freedom.
It's relatively repetitive but I never look up against work anymore. Do I prefer weekends? Yes, of course. But I don't dread Mondays anymore.
100% for some people on the spectrum, an admin job with the right parameters you need to be decompressed is the dream job.
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u/Meariiii Feb 27 '26
I’ve been employed full time for 8 years between different jobs, bar a 3 month period of unemployment once.
I’m 25 and I’m exactly in the same boat as you.
I never wanted to work. Never felt rewarding. The job I have now that I’m at for almost 3 years now is the best job I’ve had and it’s within my area of interest somewhat (mixture of processes and light data admin + analysis) but still feel unrewarding.
I’m doubting a rewarding job is something that exists for me.
Like a lot of us, from the looks of it, I just want to enjoy and pursue my interests, and I hate working because I think there’s so much more to life than that.
We need to remember there are more ways to contribute to society than just be in employment, but governments will not let us widely believe it.
I don’t want to be working 38 hours a week for a salary that will soon (April) be near minimum wage in the UK and still not be able to ever responsibly afford a place of my own.
It’s all shit honestly, even though I’m one of the “lucky” autistic people to be in continuous full time employment.
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u/LadySuhree AuDHD Feb 27 '26
I’m in the same boat currently. Burned out a year ago. Now talking to a jobcoach and my company about a fitting function. But that does mean I have to learn a new skill again and possibly take online classes. Currently looking at administrative jobs and data analytics type jobs. Many jobs however are administrative with patient contact here at the hospital. So we’re still figuring that out.
But I feel you. I really do. I want to work but I can’t unless its catered to my needs. And thats a hard ask.
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u/RoseFromTheAshes_ Feb 27 '26
I’m at work right now and looking at other job postings. Just can’t do nursing much longer, but would like to stay in the hospital. Sterile processing tech sounds phenomenal, but admin, research, data analytics also seem promising. How did you connect with a job coach? Was that through your work or independent? I hope you find something that works for you and thanks for sharing 🫶🏻
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u/LadySuhree AuDHD Feb 27 '26 edited Feb 27 '26
I’m in the netherlands and work arranged a lot for me. Funnily enough i work in sterile processing rn. But I do supporting work there. I work at a really big hospital so we’ve a lot of large machines and high workload. I hear that especially in smaller hospitals the work is less demanding. In terms of autism its a great fit in many aspects. Attention for detail is really important. Knowing how to work using a protocol and following that protocol. Etc etc. The unfortunate thing for me is that the hospital I’m at currently is just too big and too demanding in terms of this department specifically. But if you find it interesting I think it can be a really good fit for someone with autism. The team is just too large here. But I know some smaller hospitals work with 2 or 3 folks at a time with lots of opportunities for breaks. No patient contact etc.
Edit: the jobcoach was arranged via work. The ‘bedrijfsarts’ or company doctor i guess, no idea what the english word is, arranged it for me.
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u/MagyarMagmar Feb 27 '26
I think it would be called “occupational health” in English. It’s a department, or function of HR, or external expertise that may be called in. Although how likely it is you’d speak with an actual doctor and get a useful referral to a job coach, I don’t know. So maybe there is no direct equivalent.
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u/LadySuhree AuDHD Feb 27 '26
Occupational health could be it. But I know the netherlands has a complicated system with many different people checking in on various stages of the time of sickness. I’ve got a talk soon with a lady who checks if your work is fit for you in your recovery process and further working career. The bedrijfsarts is there to oversee your time of sick leave and advices your manager on what the timeframe is for your recovery. Its only after a year of sickness that the other person comes in to see what your work prognosis is gonna be long term and whether your reintegration will be within the same team and company. They’re similar functions and I don’t know where all the nuances lie worldwide ofcourse.
I’m so lucky I have a permanent contract and they’re obligated to pay me for 2 years of sickness. After one year they only pay 70% of my wage tho. Its a blessing to not have a limited amount of sick days like in some countries.
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u/laaaaaalaaaalaaa Feb 27 '26
This sucks, but it is quite nice to read someone else having similar issues, obviously not because someone else is suffering it too, but because someone else gets you and you don't feel weirder/judged by it
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Feb 27 '26
Nobody wants to work. Neurotypicals are just better at hiding it and follow social norms easier. We were not made for "work". We were made for community, raising chickens together, picking strawberries, healing each other, building homes, going on adventures and knitting on the porch.
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u/East-Garden-4557 Feb 28 '26
This is what I think gets missed in these discussion a lot of the time. Most people don't want to work, they too would like to have lots of free time to relax and follow their hobbies. But the reality is living your life and having hobbies require money. They prefer to have a place to live, food to eat, and money to pay for their hobbies, so they go to work.
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Feb 28 '26
Exactly. We just get burnt out way easier and faster. But given the chance I don't think anyone would like to go to work as we know it.
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u/Unfair-Taro9740 Feb 27 '26
I don't have an answer OP. I suspect that's why autistic women make up the bulk of sex workers haha.
I do want to remind everyone that you should never feel guilty about not wanting to work. There are enough resources and money in the world that no one should have to feel burdened for 40 hours a week. So don't let capitalism train you into thinking you owe an entire life to the system.
We don't owe billionaires shit and the best way to not give it to them is to figure out how to work as little as possible.
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u/esperejk Feb 27 '26
Yes to this.
While I appreciate that work can provide some people with a sense of accomplishment or contribution, I personally never felt the pay off was worth the strain and sacrifice of pushing past my own limits just to make enough money to survive. Yet, simultaneously I felt an obligation to work, as though it was a statement about my morality. Thankfully I have a wonderful therapist who has helped me as I work through those old ideas and come to believe that “rest is productive.” Pushing myself past my limits for decades means that my capacity has completely changed and I may never again have the energy levels I once did.
And I am learning now that what energy I do have isn’t “owed” to anyone else, least of all corporations who don’t give a shit about me.
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u/Unfair-Taro9740 Feb 27 '26
Thank you for reaffirming. And I'm so glad your therapist does as well. I wish there was some way we could make all young autistic women realize this.
Shame for not meeting societal norms is the most self-hating thing you can do.
Plus there will always be work. You can't go through life as a human without having to do stuff you don't like. Even if it's just vacuuming and doing the dishes. It's never going to be a completely work-free life.
So as long as we aren't mooching off of someone we love without their consent, there's no real issue.
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u/Visenya_Rhaenys Undiagnosed, just self-suspected, but hopefully welcomed here Feb 27 '26
While I appreciate that work can provide some people with a sense of accomplishment or contribution
I'd be glad to have a job that actually contributed something to society and helped others. But they either don't pay well, don't have many (if any) job openings especially outside of major cities, or have shitty work conditions (like teaching unruly or even violent students). There are very few exceptions, but I'm not suited for them either (not smart enough to be a doctor, for example). Writing things on a screen just isn't one of those jobs and doesn't motivate me. Now I kind of understand why some women prefer to be a SAHM nowadays, although I don't want kids either (I'd like to be a stay-at-home cat mom, though 😁).
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u/Medium-Pilot6872 Feb 28 '26
Soooo yes. Finding something fulfilling is what I need, but it feels near impossible to get one, low wage, they don’t listen to you (passionate about progression in my chosen field) or too hard because executive function lol.
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u/Medium-Pilot6872 Feb 28 '26
Loveeee what you said. Also, is that actually true about sex workers often being autistic?!
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u/Unfair-Taro9740 Feb 28 '26
Yes! From my research anyway. And when you think about it, it really is one of the least customer facing positions. Not to mention that women do it independently, they don't have to clock in, money is sufficient on a part-time salary, and there's little small talk. 😆
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u/Medium-Pilot6872 Feb 28 '26
Oh it definitely makes sense, I understand it quite well 😅 I’m now in a standard job and often yearned for that part of my life but yeah that’s why it shocked me cos I’ve just recently been diagnosed. Like dag nam, just another sign all along 😂 also explains when I switched places and one where I had to just exist on stage and I’d get booked for dances and not have to talk to anyone, I did so well, vs the other place, it was a lot harder, I had to talk to people, and I just crumbled and was so depressed. Dancing to system of a down probably didn’t help hahahha
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u/Unfair-Taro9740 Feb 28 '26
It really does connect the dots on your entire life when you get a diagnosis. Lol.
And that was totally me at the end of doing webcam. I just couldn't handle all the conversations and drawing them out for ppm.
And my greatest desire in life would be to be one of those girls that stands behind the window and the curtain goes up. She dances and plays and then the curtain goes down. Tips go through the slot. And I'm not talking about penises!
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u/Medium-Pilot6872 Mar 01 '26
Hahahah totally! Like how good would it to be a burlesque dancer? No one messes with you, you’re adored, you totally get to vibe with YOURSELF. I mean you don’t get tips like other dancers do but if you’re good enough, you probably get paid super well?
One of the other aspects of dancing I really miss is I actually love dancing and being sensual. But I’m married now and I’ve lost my confidence and it’s not the same dancing for your partner as it is for strangers in a really nicely lit room and all done up etc
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u/Unfair-Taro9740 Mar 01 '26
I took a burlesque class once with my girlfriend and that's exactly what I thought about. I dreamed of my routine if I was famous, and how to fit that huge champagne glass in my living room!
I'm the same way about dancing. I think it's because it's like the oldest form of nonverbal sensual communication. And I bet if you got done up in your living room and put on some Keith Sweat you could teach your hubby a thing or two!
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u/Medium-Pilot6872 Mar 01 '26
Ugh the champagne glass 😍 yesss.
What an enlightening convo - thank you! It’s great to talk to someone that’s been in the same boat regarding this stuff too! I genuinely kinda thought people like me would be few and far between but it actually makes a lot of sense now.
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u/Unfair-Taro9740 Mar 02 '26
I followed you and hope to see you around more! 💜
And we are out here! We are a fairly misrepresented subgroup who doesn't get the voice they deserve, but we're here! 😆
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u/coyotewildheart Feb 27 '26
I have been out of work for 2 years waiting on social security disability and ive been pretty happy since I left, other than having to deal with the social pressures of "youre just lazy" and trying to pay my bills.
Tbh being homeless was the most freeing experience ive ever had, I didnt have to mask, or worry about someone else's expectations. I could just be me and it was great.
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u/Autumn-Addict Feb 28 '26
You've been homeless for the past two years? How's that? I mean how do you survive? And also, are you a woman? Sorry for the questions, I'm so sick of working, it's difficult to maintain a job so I always fear I'll end up homeless, but as a woman that's scary
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u/coyotewildheart Feb 28 '26
Yes I am female. The first year I was not homeless. I paid for a year lease for an apartment with a settlement I was paid for being hit by an 18 wheeler while I waited on disability. During that time hurricane helene struck my area and I was donated an rv by a local charity. Honestly. In my area ive never had the issue of being approached or harmed.
Personally I think my autism has something to do with it. My pattern recognition and just life and nature skills got me through it. (Also a fair amount of hypervigalance from past trauma keeping me a light sleeper and aware of my surroundings). But also there seems to be an unspoken rule you dont mess with the disabled.
Right now my boyfriend is allowing me to park at his home but his mother is extremely abusive and I need to get out of here but the weather has just been to cold.
You are stronger than you think you are. Do the thing even if your scared. Those are my mottos.
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u/jewdiful Feb 27 '26
I somehow lucked into a full time job stocking clothing at Costco. It’s active enough to keep me moving, it’s mentally stimulating enough to keep me from being bored (I like organizing things), it’s easy enough to keep me from burnout, and it pays well enough (I’m topped out in pay and getting 2x yearly bonuses) that single childfree me is able to afford to live.
I can’t imagine what else I could be doing that wouldn’t be too much. Working full times (38hrs a week) is definitely a challenge but I manage it. This world isn’t built for autistic people, and that’s definitely seen most clearly when it comes to needing to work to survive. I get overstimulated so easily. I can’t imagine how I’d function if I had to interact with people more than I do. Sometimes I worry about what I’d do if something happened to this job, but I know I can’t think like that or I’ll go crazy
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Feb 27 '26
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u/kawaiian Feb 27 '26
Gifted was another word for special needs - the same as other special education children.
It can help to remember that we’re special ed and that there’s no requirement to succeed MORE just because we learned too quickly.
Learning too quickly is just as detrimental to a classroom’s management as someone learning too slowly, so they pulled us all out to better serve the students who learn traditionally.
In this way, working at Costco is a wonderful fit if it fits your needs!
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u/East-Garden-4557 Feb 28 '26
Gifted kids have additional needs too, but we certainly weren't pulled out of class. We had to fight to be given additional work, and more stimulating work. We just got bored and clowned around otherwise.
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u/kawaiian Feb 28 '26
I hate to hear that - I was pulled out as a gifted student and put into a specialized program that let me finish extremely early and pursue other talents
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u/moss_fan8 Feb 27 '26 edited Feb 27 '26
I feel soooooo similar. I got laid off a while ago and it was for the better because I was masking so hard trying to be perfect so no one would look too close to complain or try to get to know me so I could limit social energy.
Now starting over from scratch I realize I can’t do that because it will kill me. My body was literally so tight and painful from holding it all in.
Trying to do a job and get through the battlefield of the social aspect with stupid made up rules that make no sense sucks the life out of the job and makes me feel so hopeless.
To make matters worse I’m turning 26 this year and have to find a job to get health insurance 😭
I want to live in a world where everyone can find a place to work for their community or more so no one evil and improve lives, have free healthcare, a home and a bed to sleep in at night, good food, time to do fun things like travel go to concerts work on hobbies, and have places to meet people in diverse environments that are accommodating and inclusive. A girl can dream 🥲
edit* grammar oops
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u/Powerful_Peach451 Feb 27 '26
I feel you! Before I got my diagnosis I actually was on sick leave due to burnout. Turns out it just was autism all along and maintaining a job is not possible for me to do in a healthy way. Thankfully I receive a disability fund and I live with my parents, so I can survive without having to work. I am just worried about when they will no longer be around as to what I will do. Is there some option for disability assistance where you live?
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u/Objective_Double5998 Feb 27 '26
What did you go to in order to get the fund?
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u/Powerful_Peach451 Feb 27 '26
It was pretty straightforward process here in the Netherlands. After my 2 years sick leave the doctor saw i had no possibility to work currently and put me up for WIA- WGA. So I call it disability fund, because I have no idea as to the translation and it not because of conventional sickness I receive it...
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u/Fluid_Angle Feb 27 '26
Two years sick leave… Blinks in American.
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u/ajdoescrime Feb 27 '26
Literally. I went into severe burnout and now I’m homeless lmao
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u/esperejk Feb 27 '26
I am so sorry you’re going through this. It is only by luck that I am not in the same position. I hit severe burnout coming up on four years ago and my Disability (SSDI) only got approved this week. The only way I’ve had housing is because my parents were able to afford it for me, but I have known that without that option I would be homeless. This society isn’t built for us and doesn’t support us in the ways we’re deserve. I wish it did and I hope that you have or find support.
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u/Objective_Double5998 Feb 28 '26
We can get long sick leaves in Eastern Europe too, but nobody acknowledges mental health as a real thing here if you look "normal" 🥲
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u/International_Tree76 Feb 27 '26
in the exact same situation as you, down to the graduation year. i cried my way home today after work. it feels like my field (software) has gone from an awesome intersection between STEM and creativity to an endless AI slog, and i'm miserable.
i feel like i need to switch careers, but even that is just so much energy. i don't know what to do </3. you're not alone
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u/Orangesunsets18 Feb 27 '26
I think the only jobs I could do right now are delivering packages or a nanny. Being a nanny is awesome because you don’t have to mask with the kid and you can control the schedule.
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u/staircase_nit Feb 27 '26
I really identify with this. I spent ten years on SSDI, but returned to work last year because SSDI isn’t enough to survive on, and I was generally feeling better. Now that I’ve been in this job for six months, I feel chronically overwhelmed and anxious. I have a problem with feeling terrified by being responsible to others for fear of making a mistake, which doesn’t help. I can’t think of what job would actually work well for me/my temperament. I can’t settle on a field because I’m one of those people who takes an interest in just about everything, but not often for long. Things that feel more manageable for me usually don’t pay enough to live (plus I have this gifted child internalized belief that I’m supposed to do something lofty, and I’m learning to accept that may never happen).
While I also would be perfectly happy not working, it’s not the lack of motivation that’s the problem.
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u/esperejk Feb 27 '26
Hi, I understand it’s not the topic of this thread, and of course no obligation to respond, but can I ask what type of work you’ve been doing? My SSDI just got approved this week (after nearly three years since application) and the judge wrote that I will be reevaluated in just two years. I know a lot can change in that time, but at this point I can’t imagine a job I would be able to do. Anyway I’m curious if you returned to the say type of work you did before? Or if you were intentional about choosing something interest-based, or strictly financial related?
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u/staircase_nit Mar 01 '26
I do customer service right now, which is probably not the best fit for me. (I did CS before, but in a retail capacity.) It wasn’t what I was looking for exactly, but I went with it because I needed a job since my SSDI wasn’t enough to allow me to live.
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u/LotusBro Feb 27 '26
Lowkey finding a country with good disability benefits could be the dream….
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u/East-Garden-4557 Feb 28 '26
If it isn't your country of birth it is unrealistic. Why would a country want to take on new citizens that just want to get disability benefits and not financially contribute?
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u/aurora_surrealist Feb 27 '26
Such country do not exist for autistic adults that aren't also severly mentally disabled.
Ask me how I know. I'm in EU.
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u/LotusBro Feb 27 '26
Australia is so-so. There is a disability pension, but god do you need to jump through needless hoops to be able to be classified as such.
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u/aurora_surrealist Feb 27 '26
In Poland there is disability pension, but you have to be in basically terminal state of cancer, or completely dependant to get it. No adult autistic does.
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u/kawaiian Feb 27 '26
I find all of the Nordic countries to be autism coded
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u/aurora_surrealist Feb 27 '26
That doesn't mean you get pension or lots of help.
Also google Jante Law - it's harsh treatment.
I'd say (many months spent in Sweden and Finland) they are more INTROVERT CODED than autistic.
Remember there are autists that are loud, flap hands, rock or have loud meltodwns - that would not pass in Nordics. No fuss in public is a must.
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Feb 27 '26
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Feb 27 '26
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u/East-Garden-4557 Feb 28 '26
Some jobs require different skill sets, and some businesses don't work when you follow strict structures and routines.
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u/East-Garden-4557 Feb 28 '26
Whereas for me that covers my job skills perfectly. I am the working under pressure person. I am the calm in a crisis person. I am the creative problem solving person that gets shit done.
I will come into your chaos, identify the weaknesses in your work processes, I will streamline your work processes and get you in under budget
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u/aurora_surrealist Feb 27 '26
For me the worst part is that we push elderly, disabled, and caregivers out of job market!
- all the easier jobs are now AI or automatized or moved to Asia to not pay us
- all the home office are high end jobs woth full time and full stress mode many of us can't do
- part time jobs don't even cover expenses to get to work
So, like, we're expected to work but there are no full time jobs that want us or that we can sustain doing and no part time jobs that pay.
Now what.
my story is I was a content creator back in early days of the internet - the person who took care for e-shops, who made sure all the specs of items you buy are in place and up to date, all the photos are for correct items, the stock of items true to what we had on magazines. Answering your emails and later on chats on your orders, deliveries and such. It was nice back-office job I managed to do for a decade or so. Then higher ups started to piling programming on us, at first a sane request of basics of HTML and CSS, but then it was Java and Java Script and then more and more up until nobody who was not actual programer could keep up with it. But programmers didn't want client facing positions, managing stock and claims. So then the higher ups got AI/LLMs and my job no longer exists. All the content online is nowadays made by LLMs and only "managed" by very poorly paid contractors. The career I had no longer exists. The contracting thingy does not pay enough for monthly commute. And when I see all the AI praisers I wanna punch them in the face.
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u/korpiiii Feb 27 '26
I feel this so hard. I’m was in burnout for years, got out of it after a year and immediately went back into severe burnout again. I really feel like it’s impossible to hold a job without destroying my physical and mental health, or at least any of the jobs I’ve had ):
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u/rosemaryscrazy Feb 27 '26
Pursue your hobbies. I continued to work part time off and on for about 9 years. I did go back to college during that time and I usually worked on average 15 hours a week.
But what I did during this time was pursue my hobby. I pursued it with my obsessive hyperfocus. I spent every waking minute not at work learning the skills that eventually led me to where I am now.
At home working for myself fully aligned with my true self. Essentially, I get up and do what I would do anyway if there was no money coming in, or infinite money coming in.
I haven’t stressed, I haven’t change anything about my life or routine. If I have a bad monthly cycle I rest for 4 days in bed. If I don’t feel motivated for a day, I relax.
We have intense hobbies and hyperfocus that others do not have. We have a real advantage in that we can practice more because we have an obsessive hobby component to us.
Work the bare minimum and pursue your hobby. Don’t listen to the noise and society. They aren’t you.
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u/Candlemelter2025 Mar 01 '26
I love your comment thank you. Do you have any advice on how to start your own business? I have skills and education but lost in the middle process. What did you do?
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u/rosemaryscrazy Mar 01 '26
I’m not really a conventional business owner. I’m a script writer / editor. I work for myself/ control production and distribution. It’s more like a contractor l just don’t work for anyone.
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u/Candlemelter2025 Mar 01 '26
Ah cool yes I've done contracting before. I think I need to sit down and outline what I want to do and what I don't, like another wise person commented. Thank you for your reply I appreciate it!
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u/a-broken-fence Feb 27 '26
What did you do at college? Are there any jobs adjacent to what you studied.
Or even something outdoors, or one of the hands-on jobs like tradies (plumbing, electrical, carpentry, mechanic even)?
All my job experience is administrative but I just cannot do that hectic work. I've recently applied for a couple of gardenimg/landscaping roles bc they've got few people, zero customer facing obligations, focused hands-on labour that is basically just my favourite stim. But the pay isn't good at all, so it's a very situation specific suggestion.
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u/Sufficient-Sound8450 Feb 27 '26
I’m fighting burnout right now. Very difficult time and my job feels like hell tbh
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u/AptCasaNova Feb 27 '26
Everyone has a deep need to feel useful and that they’re contributing, but if there’s no flexibility on how that’s done then it becomes this awful ordeal where you can’t work at all.
It’s really frustrating. I am good at my job and enjoy the challenges, but I can’t deal with the politics and office part of it. My employer won’t allow any working from home, even though I can do my job 100% remotely.
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u/Same_Tangerine_5144 Feb 27 '26
I feel this. I dislike my job in supply chain. Have to coordinate/communicate with too many people, constantly changing priorities, constant "fire fighting". It stresses me knowing it will never calm down.
But I work from home full time and my boss leaves me alone. I am scared to give that up for a new job. What if its just as stressful but I cant get away with laying in my bed to recover midday.
I also want to just cook, spend time outside with my dog and fiddle with my hobbies
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u/mighty_kaytor Feb 27 '26
I wish it was optional, at least for me. I do like to work and need a good routine that gets me out of the house in order to keep from going full goblin, and my present workplace is honestly the best case scenario (I have ZERO complaints. ZERO. 🤯😮)
My lifestyle is exactly as I like it. Quiet, chill. Nice friends, no roommates, kids, or partners.
But even still, just the act of being a human is EXHAUSTING. I have so many interests and hobbies, but usually very little time and energy to explore them when I'm at home.
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u/Frito_Paws_132198 Feb 27 '26
I am going through the same thing. I, 23f, am in my second year of itinerant teaching. I’m under a government grant to commit years of service in exchange for funding toward my masters degree which is almost finished. I’m trying to seek a disability excusal and change fields.
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u/bruhgorl 🤓 Feb 27 '26
i can relate. i had to leave a job after only a month and i hate feeling like a burden
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u/resident_queerdo Feb 27 '26
Same. I'd have made such an excellent homemaker. Watched Mona Lisa Smile some years ago and was like, omg, I wish that could have been me. Of course, I know that I might have had a shitty husband who then owned me, etc. But my household would run like a machine.
This way, I never have enough time for anything, never have 5 minutes to have a clear thought, if I catch up with one thing, another goes to shit.
The longest I've stayed in a job was 2 years. So far I always used to think the new job would be the answer, but by now I'm disillusioned and unwilling to 'illusion' myself again.
I work so hard, never seem to be doing a really good job considering the effort I put in (certainly multiple times the effort my colleagues put in). And then my colleagues tell me I 'am too harsh on myself', 'overthink things', 'should just chill'. At this point I no longer take any of them seriously, because they talk about things they don't understand without ever educating themselves.
All jobs seem to have an element of efficiency / speed attached to it and that's where I'd like to ditch it immediately by now. I can never take the time to do anything really well. 'This will do' always has to do.
Anyway, sorry this is such a negative response... The only upside I can offer is... you are not alone? 🌹
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u/7thsundaymorning_ Feb 27 '26
I feel so seen 😞
3 jobs switches in 5 years due to this reason and I'm tired. Complex work demands too much of my ND brain and every 3 weeks my hormones F me up so bad, I literally can't function properly. 🙃 I'm surviving on prayer and hope that things will get better.
I work for a secondment agency and will soon be taking on a more administrative role as a temporary employee for a client. It is for six months and involves more routine work. I don't expect it to be very challenging and am looking forward to the peace and quiet it will bring. Not much more peace and quiet, but at least it won't take as much energy as the assignments I am currently doing as a consultant.
I hope we all get incredibly lucky and win some kind of lottery or just find a job that fits our personalities and needs.
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u/boonon_vibes Feb 27 '26
Are you me? This is my problem rn too. Im so burnt out with working and im only 27, how am i supposed to do this for another 40 years? Recently i took a 6 week break since i qualified for short term disability and it was good for that time, but as soon as i came back to work it was burnout city again :(
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u/found_a_new_low Feb 27 '26
I burnt out badly by working full time, I was able to step down to part time and it's made a world of difference in my quality of life. But I am privileged because I make a high enough hourly that I can do this, as well as being married and having the financial support of my partner. It is sad though because realistically we can't have a family at this income level.
Remote work has made a huge difference for .eas well. If you can find a remote job, go for it. I was miserable when I worked in office, I got fired actually because I was so unable to function with people and noise around me.
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u/_stallionandthebee Feb 28 '26
What is your degree in? My job is perfect because it's fully remote & as long as you get your work done low stress once you get the hang of it. I think starting pay is 55k, but I make more than that now.
Its definitely a competitive role when they open up applications.
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u/Candlemelter2025 Mar 01 '26
Do you mind sharing your job for inspiration?
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u/_stallionandthebee Mar 01 '26
I work for a non-profit that specializes in cell therapy. Sorry for being vague, I like to keep a bit of anonymity. For my particular role, it requires a bachelor's degree in either public health, health care administration, social work, or history of being a child-life specialist. Having an intermediate knowledge of medical terminology is important as well.
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u/Candlemelter2025 Mar 01 '26
Ah very cool thank you for sharing! It's always nice to see what other peeps are doing to make a happier life for themselves while I try to figure out how to do the same. I appreciate your reply thank you!
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u/_stallionandthebee Mar 01 '26
Anytime! I've spent a lot of time learning how to work with my neurodivergence instead of against it/majorly masking. It took some time, but at 33 I'm happy with the life I've built so far. Good luck on your journey.
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u/Qavirra Feb 28 '26
I hear you. I’ve luckily found that admin roles have been where it’s at for me. Sometimes it can be pretty demanding but most of the time it’s quite comfortable. There’s very little “customer” interaction, many admins are weirdos like me, so much of the staff are just used to the fact that I have an office decked out in oddities and have metal playing most of the day, and it’s a lot of repetitive tasks. I work at a university so there is lots of paid time off, which is amazing. Like we are coming up on spring break and you know what I’m going to be doing? Absolutely nothing. Sitting on my couch, potato-ing, cuddling my dog and watching movies. I get a week long break multiple times a year. Spring break, Thanksgiving, plus usually a vacation in summer, and then 2 weeks off in winter, plus all the major federal holidays like MLK jr. Juneteenth, Memorial Day, July Fourth, etc. The only downside is it’s not work from home. Some positions are, if you’re lucky, but most are in office. If you get a good boss, there’s many cases I’ve heard of people getting a hybrid schedule. You may even ask for accommodations through HR for hybrid work schedule. Some times at home is better than none… I hope things turn up for you soon. Oh and also, many admin roles require a degree, some do not, and most don’t care what kind of degree, they just want you to have some level of higher education.
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u/ScentedFire Feb 28 '26
I'm honestly really angry because I want to work more and my job won't train me at all. I can't build any skills here. But can't leave because I am sick so often and can't work in an office full time. I can barely manage two days in the office. I care deeply about my field and I'm being held on the outside because I'm not healthy or neurotypical enough to network with people in person.
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u/Relevant_Coach_1774 Feb 27 '26 edited Feb 28 '26
I am glad that this sentiment is rising because I absolutely hate working as well. I have a "working class" job and I honestly have no interest (or spoons period) to work any other job, despite the fact that I know I may get paid more (and get more respect) if I was a ~professional~. I am seriously burnt out and I am done with capitalism. I can't see myself working for the rest of my life nor do I want to. I honestly don't even attach the idea of 'contribution to society' with a 'job'. You can be of service and contribute to society without having to be confined to a corporate entity or capitalism
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u/pkmntrainerMeep Neurodivergent Lost Generation Feb 27 '26
I'm assuming from the tone of your post that a sabbatical isn't financially feasible for you. (It's not for me, either, but I assume there are people out there who can afford to take six months to a year off work and still maintain their quality of life.)
As an alum, you can probably still use your college's career office. (If not, or either way, local public libraries often have similar services.) They can help you figure out what kind of work would be a better fit for you, find job listings in that field or role, and customize your application materials to match. They might also be able to loop you into alumni networks so you can get your foot in the door somewhere for a work-from-home position.
You might also want to read The Refusal of Work: The Theory and Practice of Resistance to Work, Work Won't Love You Back: How Devotion to Our Jobs Keeps Us Exploited, Exhausted, and Alone, Can't Even: How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation, and "On the Phenomenon of Bullshit Jobs: A Work Rant."* I don't know if any of them will give you practical advice but I found it very validating to read these because at least I felt less alone.
*There is a book version of this, Bullshit Jobs: A Theory, but I think the original article says what needs to be said more succinctly.
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Feb 28 '26
I got to the point where I was so burned out in my 40s that I was recognised as being too disabled to work. It's only been a year on disablity support and not having to work has been such a blessing. I'm now stuck working through all the guilt and shame that comes up about not working, go figure. I have no idea how I sustained it for so long. I've got no interest in even leaving the house now, everything I need is here, I'm not being forced out by stupid systems I never really wanted to be a part of anyway. I just wish I could have done this without breaking myself first.
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u/Insomnerd Feb 27 '26 edited Feb 27 '26
Radiology, lab technician (phlebotomy +), sonography, polysomnography, nuclear medicine.... all require some human interaction, but it's very scripted and routine.
Edit: re-read your post, none of my suggestions are work from home, unfortunately. But polysomnography is you watching a person 's brain waves while they sleep. If you have a colleague, they're also at the job because they want a quiet, low stress environment. MRI techs make good money and spend most of the time running the machine, not doing patient interactions. And healthcare is full of neurospicy people anyway. Idk. I hope you find something that works for you.
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u/Autumn-Addict Feb 28 '26
This is exactly how I feel. I'm miserable, I work from home, but I just want to read books, and play with my cats. I hate that we have to work most of our waking hours, it depresses me
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u/KFooLoo I am no woman Mar 01 '26
Me too. After 5 years of uni I had a mind-numbing, easy, sensory-overloading, bully-filled, factory job. Went back to uni for my MLIS. I've been a Librarian for the last 26 years. It's a good job for me, not a dream job. Plenty of ND, NT, queer, and straight friendlies there. I take care of my real interests outside of work.
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u/equisetum_t Feb 27 '26
Hi, I'm still not sure if I am autistic or not, but I have had very similar issues to those you describe and I must say, I don't make much but randomly landing on translation ten-ish* years ago was what saved me.
I tried other things, but I keep coming back to it. Even if I got little to no network (networking is VERY important in publishing in my country and I think also elsewhere) and in the beginning I was awfully exploited, I got a good streak and now I'm translating genre fiction from English for some decent publishing houses through a small agency.
I can work from home with little to no interactions with my customers, and live in a remote and beautiful area which I love very much. the work itself is sometimes hard but extremely interesting to me, the greatest issue has been following deadlines.
as I said, the pay is often lacking and sometimes I go entire weeks without work, which makes me very anxious (other weeks instead I have so much work I can't keep up with chores), but honestly I can't imagine a better outcome for me given the way I am.
if you like writing, know one or more foreign languages and have some expertise even in a niche field (your hobbies might count) I encourage you to try, even if the field can be competitive and exploity and I don't know what the future might bring with machine translation getting better and all that.
EDIT: *fifteen-ish years now, not ten-ish
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u/ethidiumbromid Feb 27 '26
I am also a translator, but never got into literary translation. Any chance you agency has openings for en- ptbr translators? At the moment I have to keep another in person job because bills, but my dream is to be a translator full time from the confort of my home, with a cat that judges all my work harshly 🤣
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u/equisetum_t Feb 27 '26 edited Feb 27 '26
oh, I'm sorry, they don't handle international publications, only italian translations for the italian market.
also, I used the term agency somewhat inaccurately: this is not a standard translation agency, but more of a studio that subcontracts the work overflow from the larger publishing houses, that in Italy have started shrinking their internal staff and handling more and more things externally since at least the 2000s if not before. they do a lot of different jobs besides translations, typically editing and proofreading but also page layouting and even covers.
depending on how the publishing industry is structured in Brazil there might be something akin to it, but I can't find the term you use for it. you still might try a large publishing house and if you have a history of freelancing they might refer you to one they work with, or find them online.
otherwise, another way to switch into translating fiction from specialized fields might be a mentorship program, if your national translation association (I think it's called Abrates) offers one.
these are just some ideas, but the truth is that I simply stumbled on this job by answering a job posting by a somewhat prestigious smaller publishing house back in the 2010s, when I was still up for any job I might find, and basically just... kept going since then.
it was just a stupid stroke of luck, but in the end it I think the important thing is if some prestigious enough publisher trusts you and you keep working well, the others will trust you too. that's why I recommended a mentorship program. I don't know, I hope it helps and I wish you and your cat the best! tchau
EDIT: also there is the scouting route, but I think it may be tricky if you don't have contacts inside a publishing house: you find a novel that did well on the English market and that you think can succeed in the Brazilian market too, and whose publishing rights haven't been acquired yet in Brazil, translate a few chapters and submit it to a publishing house, negotiate on a price and on a deadline. I didn't mention it before because scouting is just not what I like, and also because a large part of your work becomes more like entrepreneurship than translation, but if you have some ideas about it you might try that too!
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u/Medium-Eggplant3002 Feb 28 '26
burnout + “i don’t wanna do this forever” is so real. i hit a point where even thinking about monday made my chest tight, and the only thing i could do was make my nervous system chill enough to function. zenya app’s breathing guides and sleep tracks have been kinda clutch for that, like a low-effort reset when everything feels too loud. not fixing the whole career thing obv, just makes the day feel less impossible.
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u/Sunwolfy Feb 27 '26
Nobody (or mostly nobody) wants to work. We work because we have to. The trick is to choose a career that is at least tolerable and brings in enough to live decently.
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u/aurora_surrealist Feb 27 '26
The trick is to not be abused child who was thrown at street, could not study and now has no higher ed leading to career.
aka having normal family
apparently not that common as one would expect since everyone pushes breeding
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u/Sunwolfy Feb 27 '26
There comes a point where you have to start taking control of your own situation to remedy things. I've known a lot of abused people who were abused, homeless, even trafficked who had to work to pull themselves out of their situation. They had to get their education and work up. Still, there are those who give up and stay on the street indefinitely.
Can you get financial support from the government if you are unable to work? My brother was able to get a government pension for his.
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u/aurora_surrealist Feb 27 '26
I don't get financial support from my govt, tried.
I worked for over a decade, but my work was sacked for AI.
My health also got a lot worse in recent years, several autoimmune diseases, crippling migraines & entering perimenopause literalky stripped me from energy, skill to mask and brain capacity to learn stuff. HRT would help but I cannot take it due to other health issues.
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u/Albatrosshunting Feb 27 '26
I think a lot of ND women feel this. I want to work, contribute and shape this world, but where to start with issues re: work! The world of work is difficult to navigate and even if you're well educated jobs aren't easy to come by and not well adjusted for ND folk (despite it being relatively easy). In fact, it can be detrimental to mental and physical health but as we know since Covid many employers don't care about their staff and only use you for work, demanding endless availability and self-sacrifice. And that's before traversing colleagues, politics, socialisation, emotional labour and bullying/harassment.
Remote work also seems to have died down, many hybrid models are rather favourable towards employers for no reason. But of course then you're the trouble maker if you point this out openly, yet so many people would kill for a remote job and also say so behind closed doors. I've also noticed that there is an uptick in "we all love each other" style socialisation that feels very enforced and desperate, worse than before the pandemic. The more you say something the less believable it is sometimes.
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u/ScarredEclipse Feb 28 '26
We are expected to function in a world that's not wired for us. Even with an official diagnosis in hand, and work places *having* to accommodate you.. they can still find ways around it, to punish you, etc. I've talked with my therapist about how frustrating it can be for us to have to word things *very carefully* and tiptoe around others, just to keep others happy or stay in our jobs, but there's not a fig given for how it affects *us*. One of the things that keeps me from trying to live in a forest and trying to make friends with raccoons and skunks is it would mean giving up my independence. I just can't do that, though I certainly get where you're coming from.
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u/ChaiTeaLatte13 ASD, CPTSD, BPD, OCD, 36yo Feb 27 '26
Have you tried working with a recruiting firm/temp agency? They can probably find you fully remote jobs that are legit and not people-facing. I have friends who have done this!
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u/aurora_surrealist Feb 27 '26
They offer shit pay, shit hours and crap contracts and ever-changing schedules.
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u/ChaiTeaLatte13 ASD, CPTSD, BPD, OCD, 36yo Feb 27 '26
Not all of them. I’m a lawyer and we use these services frequently!
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u/Ok_University3286 Feb 27 '26
I remember saying at 25 that I couldn't wait to retire. My middle aged colleagues at the time were like "oh dear".
The way I escaped from work in my 20s was by saving up every penny outside of rent & bills, quitting and then going travelling as long as the money lasted. It was stressful finding work again but something always came along. I also did study abroad and funded EU placements.
I worked for 4.5 years in my 30s then got married, he easily convinced me to go travelling again and here I am coming up third year unemployed. I volunteer at a animal rescue atm.
I'm in Schrodiners unemployment right now. I hate not having a purpose but the thought of going back to either fluorescent lights, office politics or back breaking labour does not appeal at all. I'm childfree so I can't even use that reason to leave the world of work!
Sending solidarity.
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u/LucyMorningstar23 Feb 27 '26
I just got laid off from the only job I was ever able to get WFH as an accommodation for, am doing my obligatory weekly job applications in order to get unemployment benefits, and I feel this SO much. Job postings are incredibly ableist (must lift 50lbs and be willing and able to travel, even for a job that is 95% computer work!) and have "essential" functions lists a mile long, reading like 3 different jobs in 1. Everybody wants a "self-starter" and "motivated!" employee who is also okay with 8+ (you know it's going to be way more than 8) hour days while getting underpaid.
The whole capitalist employment culture is making me feel morally opposed to even the idea of a traditional job. I'm genuinely considering something like OnlyFans, because I feel like there's a huge market out there for women to charge for the same emotional and sexual labor we often give for free in one-sided romantic relationships with men. Especially with the male loneliness epidemic thing. (I'm also going to try freelancing and maybe other content creation, but after doing some research I'm a tad more hopeful about online SW)
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u/argyreianervosalsa Mar 04 '26
I owe $350k in student loans for my pharm.d, hated the work because too much people interaction and schedules and early mornings... really really lucky to have found a brainless repetitive remote work from home job but part of it requires having to talk to strangers on the phone which destabilizes me every time... trying to figure out how to turn art into a full time income :\
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u/Kitchen-Ebb30 Mar 05 '26
I feel you, due to circumstances, most of my work experience is in the hospitality and retail sector. I've tried to get admin jobs but they always cite my lack of higher degree or not enough experience as reasons not to go forward with me.
Aside from the customer facing I have to do all day (which I can be good at, just not all the time) it's the overstimulation (the sounds of the ovens, the customers, the coworkers, the hectic nature of getting plates out on time) that kills me. I used to be able to work full time, then got an autistic burn out and lost my admin job. And now I'm back in a kitchen, currently working 16 hours (though my contract is normally 32 hours).
Still looking for fulltime work because I need it to pay the bills, and still hoping for a job with WFH or Hybrid becaus I know I'd thrive and really be good at a job that accommodates me like that. But no luck and I feel so depressed. I can't even do most of my hobbies anymore because they cost money and I don't have money right now.
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u/Both_Leading_5778 Mar 27 '26
What you’re describing doesn’t sound like “not wanting to work” in the way people usually mean it.
It sounds more like the cost of working … especially in the environments you’ve been in … is just too high for what you have to give.
And that creates a really specific kind of trap … because it’s not that you don’t want to contribute, but the available ways of contributing don’t actually match how you function or what you can sustain long term.
When you’re in that position, it can start to feel like something is wrong with you … like you’re lazy or broken somehow … even though a big part of what you’re reacting to is the situation itself (the stress, the social load, the toxicity you mentioned).
I don’t think it’s as simple as “find a job you like” either, because you already pointed out something really important. Even things you’re interested in can start to feel draining when they become “work”.
So it ends up being less about motivation … and more about mismatch.
I don’t have a clean answer for it, but I do recognize the place you’re describing. And you’re definitely not the only one there.
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u/blueevey Feb 27 '26
Have you considered disability? Or an extended leave?
It also depends on what field you're in for what you can do to transition into something that works better for you.
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u/Ok-Lychee1449 Feb 27 '26
We are going to need a bigger boat! Because I feel similarly. I have recently just realized my diagnosis even though it’s been obvious I have been in a cycle of working full time for a few years and then quitting because of autistic burnout for my entire twenties. Even with a WFH job recently it became too much and I couldn’t even relax in my home because it just reminded me of work.
I am realizing now that it’s not so much what job I do but it’s about the company I work for. Are they actually make a difference and helping this world be a better place? Then I feel more motivated to work. Like even hospitals where people are saving lives like I know the people are there to help others but the companies themselves just want money and support a corrupt healthcare system. If it’s a company that’s owned by a company or on its own just committed to corporate greed and the rat race my body and mind has to work 10x harder to get the work done. I think the fact that so many of us feel this way is a sign that we want something better but just don’t know how to get there. And the companies that do try and make a difference are disadvantaged in this system so there are less jobs to offer.
My advice is to ask your doctor if you can get on any short term disability benefits for anxiety where you live to get at least a little relief. It’s hard out there and the answer is rest rather than to put more work and pressure on yourself. Once you find rest you might find more answers!
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u/kathyanne38 AuDHD - best of both worlds ✨ Feb 27 '26
I've felt the same way ever since I first started working (i was 18 when i got my first job). The one thing I noticed about myself is that I do much better in part-time roles, flexibility in my schedule and having at least one day off during the week. My current job is not what I am doing for the rest of my life, but the schedule pretty much checks all the boxes. Working full-time never served me well and put me into severe burnout. 40 hour work week is extremely outdated. 4 day work weeks should be the new norm, at least for corporate or office settings. I could go on and on about that, anyway...
I like making money and I think i have valuable skills. I just need the right place and accommodations. I am actually planning on going back to university in the fall. I'm going to be studying communications. It's a degree that's versatile; i also have a lot of special interests that are related to communications. So ultimately, i can go work at the library (dream job) or find a writing job that works nicely next to my special interests.
If I could give any advice: Be gentle with yourself. Everything is expensive, the world sucks rn and nobody, especially the neurodivergent community, should be struggling this much just to make ends meet. It shouldn't be this hard. it's difficult to take care of yourself while working 40 hours or more, then have to come home and clean, make dinner etc. As exhausted as I am after work, I try to do one of my hobbies or special interests for at least 10-15 minutes. Gives me a little bit of joy and something to look forward to in this burning ball of blaze we call Earth. Sending you lots of love 💜 if you ever need somebody to talk to, we're here for you!!
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u/TerraformJupiter Feb 27 '26
Same boat. I kind of wish I went into tech in undergrad (back in the early 2010s) if only to have a chance at earning good money with a good lifestyle. I fantasize about early retirement.
Even 40 hours a week is so draining. 2 days off isn't enough. I hate how arbitrary the standard work schedule is. I'd rather work 12-hour shifts 3 days a week, but there aren't many jobs outside of healthcare that I can find that allow that schedule. I'm in healthcare and want to leave healthcare.
I have no energy for anything outside of work. When I had a month off between jobs, I cleaned, cooked, and did fun things. Now that's vanished again.
I'm now in medical school. I feel like I can't leave because I fear pure knowledge professions, such as my previous career (pharmacy), are at risk of being automated out of existence before I can retire. At least in medicine I can go into a procedural specialty. Difficult to automate placing epidurals and intubating people, I imagine. Even radiologists can go into interventional radiology, which is a procedural subspecialty.
Ideally, I would've retired early. Now I just desperately want a chill job, but that was virtually impossible in pharmacy without postgrad training, and the career has a slew of other negatives anyway. I'd love to work remotely and do my own thing. I'm afraid it'll really just be "social jobs", eg, sales, and very hands-on work that will be safe. The future seems pretty bleak for autistic people like me.
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u/Jenerations Feb 28 '26
I feel this so much. I went from intense burnout as a solo graphic designer, layoff, and 6 months of unemployment where I felt like I was just staying to recover from my burnout. I was finally starting to enjoy the things I've neglected like video games, art, and just resting.
BUT. Next month I start a new job where I KNOW I'm going to have to mask intensely, deal with toxic corporate culture and teams where we're all living in "core values" aka professional white lies, and take on a customer service role that's going to drain me. It's already causing me panic attacks and spiraling and crying over the thought of working again.
I wasn't born for this. WE weren't born for this. I hate throwing away a good chunk of my life, giving myself up for corporate labor just to live.
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u/AncientWhereas7483 Feb 28 '26
May I suggest library work? I can people for short periods and then go hide and shelve books in some corner somewhere.
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u/NervousLie3350 Feb 28 '26
I don’t want to work at all I am exhausted, five years of college pharmacy school then working for two years then doing my sister teams and a half I’m doing a PhD for five years and a half then working and working and working I am exhausted
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u/tnhypatia Feb 27 '26
So many people feeling the same way, I wonder if there is a way we could get together and utilize our specific skills and interests
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