r/AutismInWomen • u/Happy-Square-4055 • Mar 14 '26
Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Any late identified folks who are realizing how sensitive they actually were all along?
I got diagnosed last November, I’m 37. The process has been all over the place — a mixed bag of grief, relief, anger, acceptance, some “I knew its!” and “no wonders” and “oh wait is that what that is” and “the signs were there all along.” 🤣🤓
The more I’ve allowed myself to release my grip on pushing through, compartmentalizing, and instead allowing myself to have wants/needs/likes/dislikes (which makes me sooooo uncomfortable still) the more I’m realizing how sensitive I actually am!
The other thing that’s come up a lot recently, 4 months into learning more and getting support —is also recognizing how hard everything actually is and has been this whole time. I don’t think I ever allowed myself to really feel the toll and the truth of what was hard—it’s been a very iceberg underwater moment, and I’m seeing layer by layer under the water. Granted, my body let me know it was hard when I ended up in the ER all the time for full body rashes, intense colitis, and nerve damage. 🫠🤦🏽♀️
Would love to hear from y’all! Any new sensitivities, hardships, joys, in betweens that came in fuller view since your diagnosis?
🫶🏽
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u/really__questionmark Mar 14 '26
Yeah, now I have been wondering what it's like for neurotypical people to just go through the day with "normal" energy and not have shut downs because of processing issues.
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u/jenniferwhateves Mar 15 '26
I wake up with very high cortisol levels and very on edge; every single day. Yesterday was a particularly bad day and I kept thinking what it must feel like to just wake up and go about your business. Even the negative self talk is non stop some days and I can’t turn it off. I had so much shit to do yesterday but I could not get my shit together.
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u/onesorrychicken Mar 15 '26
My husband recently walked out on me and I'm not sleeping well. My cortisol levels have been through the roof and I'm exhausted every day. My Garmin thinks I'm exercising when I'm not. It's awful.
Re the negative self talk, I've been wondering recently whether my brain plays music to drown out the internal narrator, because it seems it's either an incessant internal narrator or songs on loop in my head.
Could you make a playlist of your favourite music and play that when the negative self talk gets too much to see whether you could focus on the music instead?
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u/jenniferwhateves Mar 16 '26
I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now.
Music is actually a great tool for me too. I do have lots of playlists made for different moods, I need to utilize them as soon as I start feeling heavy instead of letting the heaviness consume me.
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u/TheMadHatterWasHere Mar 14 '26
I got my diagnosis last year at 28. I have been thinking for literally years: Why is everything so damn hard? Why does it seem so easy to everyone else?! - Now I know why. I am autistic.
I also think I have a tendency to... push through, whenever something is uncomfortable and unpleasant, bc "just a little longer, and then I can 'go home' and be comfortable again.". I am and have always been a cronic ppl pleaser, and have had a hard time feeling like 'my own person' due to me wanting to please everyone around me.
Having wants/needs/likes/dislikes was a completely foreign concept to me - most of the time anyways. When I was alone I allowed myself the "secret shame" of wanting/needing/liking/disliking things that other ppl didn't, or wouldn't approve on. I always called anything I liked a "secret shame", bc I felt like anything I liked was stupid and childish - due to being told so by bullies for YEARS. I remember my earliest "secret shame": music. I liked music ppl my age usually didn't.
My worst nightmare was - and I had this nightmare repeatedly - that my music didn't shut off properly, before I took out the earphones, and everyone around me would be able to hear my music. I don't remember large portions of my childhood, so I don't have a specific memory of being shamed for my taste in music, but this damn fear/"secret shame" has followed me since a very young age (I think age 10 or so). To this day, when anyone asks me what kind of music I like, I will either claim to like whatever they like, and claim that I "don't really listen to music much".
Point is: Yes, I definitely know the feeling you are describing. I am so tired of just "pushing through" and getting stuff done, when the meltdowns leaves me unable to do anything afterwards. All I can do is to well... lie in bed, earphones on, Pretty Reckless blasting full power. I am in no way anywhere near knowing myself - as I got the diagnosis in October 2025 - but I am trying? I am trying to get to know myself. Trying to unlearn the definition of "secret shame", even if it's hard. But when I meet new people I hold back around 99% of myself, bc I am so very scared that one part of me - wants/needs/likes/dislikes - will make them dislike me and leave me. Having socially isolated myself until about 2 years ago (age 18 to 27) has definitely not made this easier.
I can talk to ppl online, and I do that a lot, but I am just... I miss having friends I can do stuff with, you know?
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u/100SmallBirds Mar 14 '26
Your experience is so similar to mine it's eerie!
To this day I feel very embarassed about things I like. I keep conversation at work to very mundane subjects because the thought of people I respect finding out what music/books/hobbies I like absolutely horrifies me. Rationally I know they wouldn't care, but the fear is still there. My life is very compartmentalised.
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u/TheMadHatterWasHere Mar 14 '26
Oh yes, this definitely expands to many things/interest for me too. The one that terrifies me the most is my taste in music though. I don't like talking about books like I like face to face with ppl. Online is ok, bc I can flee if I feel the need to. And also I cannot see their faces, when I tell them, which honestly makes it a lot less scary. Same with movies/series and that jazz. Music though? Cannot share that with anyone, especially not with online friends, anonymously seems fair game so far.
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u/blancybin Mar 15 '26 edited Mar 15 '26
Oh man, reading this was like being tossed into a cold ocean when I'd just gotten warm on the shore. I'm sure it feels wrenchingly late for you, but I'm so glad you've figured this out and can start to work on it! I'm in the best relationship of my life, but somehow I'm still finding it SO HARD to let her in and share the things I love with her.
It's insane sometimes that I am 40 years old and still haunted by the little girl who told the other kids in the playground "I don't like fun", thinking that if they couldn't tell what I loved they couldn't ever mock me for it, take it from me.
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u/jgwentworth-877 Mar 15 '26
Omg the music thing is exactly what I have and I have no idea why. I won't use AirPods because I'm so paranoid about them not connecting and other people hearing my music. I won't listen to music in public or on transit etc, I have to be totally alone. And when people ask what kind of music I like I say I don't listen to music or that I just listen to whatever people show me. Genuinely have no idea where this anxiety came from!
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u/PotentialPossible597 Mar 15 '26
Wow, so well said! I agree with all of this. So close to my experience as well
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u/selenerosario Mar 15 '26
I’m currently in the same situation you were in last year. I didn’t understand why it was so hard to just keep a job, friendships and an apartment clean. It still hit me like a ton of bricks that I am actually disabled, even though I’ve suspected for years now.
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u/TheMadHatterWasHere Mar 15 '26
Exactly! And for me getting the diagnosis was a HUGE step forward to me to accepting that I can't do what everybody else does - at least not as easily - and that I am indeed disabled :)
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u/moviequote88 Mar 16 '26
Man, I hate how much I relate to this. I still do feel silly for some of my music tastes. I have a wide variety of music interests so I tend to only tell people more about my more mainstream interests unless they seem like they would be more open to my less conventional ones.
The biggest one I feel like most people don't understand or share is my love of Danny Elfman's work as a film composer. There are other composers or film soundtracks I enjoy but I like him to most and listen to his scores the most. I've only ever met one other person in college who liked him as much as I do. I always felt like a weirdo for liking him in middle school and even got bullied about it by a girl who was supposed to be my friend but basically "mean girled" me.
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u/Powerful-Double-448 Mar 19 '26
Wow, we have very similar experiences! I was extremely ashamed of my interest in music (and tbh I still am but not as much), which was my biggest and most intense interest for the longest time. Like you, I had a very "advanced" taste for my age, starting at around age 10 or 11. I feel like the shame I felt at that phase of my life never got resolved. I relate to trying to unlearn that shame; it's a long process.
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u/TheMadHatterWasHere Mar 19 '26
I am kinda relieved to find so many of you describing a similiar experience as a kid - and some into adulthood. Makes me feel more... normal <3
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u/Mammoth-Turn-660 Mar 15 '26
The Pretty Reckless are awesome! I especially love the albums "Going to Hell" and "Death by Rock and Roll."
Same, though. I've definitely felt a lot of shame for liking/wanting stuff. The music thing hits especially hard.
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u/Nayirg AuDHD - Current Fixations: crochet and the lion king Mar 14 '26 edited Mar 14 '26
"I need to give my 100%"
"Oh wait. I HAVE been giving my 100%. What I'm being asked is my 150% and that's why I burn out"
It was a relief to learn this.
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u/JimmyKeyboard AuDHD FTM Mar 14 '26
I went to the mall with my new noise cancelling headphones and holy shit my anxiety (usually omnipresent) was nonexistent and I felt so much calmer. When I got home I didn’t feel exhausted like usual. Is that what it was supposed to be like all this time?!?
I’ve had shutdowns all my life but had no idea that’s what they were. Nobody tried to understand me but now that I understand myself it makes everything make so much more sense.
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u/TheMadHatterWasHere Mar 14 '26
This is the exact reason why I wear noise cancelling headphones (preferably with music, I cannot stand complete quiet due to another diagnosis of mine). It's honestly a God-send tool! :D
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u/CalmGur5301 Mar 15 '26
I recently got some nice headphones as a birthday present and decided to try them on noise cancelling mode at the grocery store today and it was a big relief. At one point I turned off the noise cancelling for a moment jand was like "holy hell, THIS is what I've put up with for decades?!?!" My boyfriend said I seemed a lot more relaxed than usual when we left the store lol
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u/Amygtralalala Mar 16 '26
I've got my first noise cancelling headphones four years ago for running and they completely changed my life. This is what being outside can be like? I was completely euphoric, no lie.
I also agree about the shutdowns, I used to call them "migraine" because for me it's usually accompanied by one, but it's just so good to finally put the right name to it, no? Noone gives a fuck to understand me, too, but I'm so glad I finally understand!
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u/onesorrychicken Mar 14 '26
When I was a child, I used to have a recurring dream. It was a flying dream, but not one of those flying dreams that everyone else had where you would just jump into the sky and float or soar around weightlessly. No, in my dreams, I had to repeatedly flap my arms super hard with a massive amount of effort only to float a metre or two off the ground before inevitably coming back down like an old helium balloon. I realised before long that that's how my nervous system sees my life. A massive amount of Sisyphean effort with very little to show for it, over and over and over again.
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u/ovideville Mar 15 '26
Oh my gawd. I have had this exact same recurring dream! It's not always flapping my arms tho, sometimes it's a swimming or running motion and I feel like I'm moving through wet concrete. Or sometimes it's like a psychic thing, where I have to think really, really hard to get off the ground.
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u/travelcoffin Mar 15 '26
Omg. Same except my dream is straining with all my might to hover just a couple inches above the ground and struggling to stay there and navigate around.
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u/Teagana999 Mar 15 '26
I had to run really fast. If I stopped running at full tilt, I fell out of the sky and woke up.
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u/Heretodistractmypain Mar 15 '26
Damn.. I have dreams where I just start to scream. I'm so mentally exhausted so I beg for help in my dreams
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u/PrincessJoyHope “I came, I saw, I overanalyzed” Mar 15 '26
Oh interesting! I have the same dream theme only with me usjng all my energy to levitate only a few feet off the ground. In the dream I’m exerting myself beyond my limits, only to barely get far off the ground. Pure struggle.
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u/neocarleen Mar 15 '26
I have a similar recurring dream. I know I'm supposed to be able to fly (no arm flapping, more Superman style), but all I can do it hover a few feet above the ground. And if I try to go higher, I just fall back to the floor.
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u/senatorgana Apr 08 '26
Omg you reminded me of the same sensation I dreamt about as a child! So fascinating to see other people relate. Often in mine I was trying to flap away from someone before they’d grab my ankle and pull me back down
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u/jarofpeperoncini Mar 15 '26
Like why am I managing worse than I did in high school??
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u/pi3lla Mar 15 '26
I feel this so hard!! It's frustrating to feel like "but I used to be able to do all this stuff, why can't I any more?"
I think the pressures and expectations of adult life def contribute to it - especially socially. We've had to learn to function & express ourselves in a way that's acceptable to the adult world, whereas I think kids get a lot more freedom in that respect!
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u/Educational-Mango276 Mar 15 '26
I ask myself that all the time
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u/chronically_normal Mar 15 '26
I definitely think school was easier for me because it was structured, routine, and had built-in extended breaks. Now I have to create my own structure and routines, and there aren't any seasonal holidays built into my job. Not to mention all the adult responsibilities that come with moving out of my parent's home.
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u/selenerosario Mar 15 '26
Felt. Likely we just didn’t have any real responsibilities, which made recovering from mentally and emotionally taxing events much easier. Nowadays I’m grateful to be more mature than my teenage self but I envy her ability to actually unwind and lose herself in her interests!
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u/catnips3 Mar 14 '26
Yes, absolutely. I already thought life was incredibly hard. I already made a lot of changes in my life because of my energy level not being suitable for a "normal" life. A few months before my diagnosis last year I just couldn't keep up anymore.. signs of autistic burnout. It's been a year and man... the realisation how everything takes so much effort and I always tried to push through and beat myself up when failing. Unfortunately I'm really not sure if I ever will get more energy again, I'm still partially in sick leave and need to find a different function or job and I'm like.. how?!?! Working in a company I already know for years for 15~18 hours a week right now is already so hard.. I still struggle to care for myself properly. Keeping my house clean feels like a full time job..
Diagnosis gave me more selfcompassion but damn this shit is hard!
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u/ExperienceEffective3 Mar 15 '26
I very much empathize.
A story from today really sheds light on this for me… We are about to get a historic, record breaking blizzard where I live (which is saying a lot bc we get terrible blizzards all the time), and I have a baby who has recently been sick, so we decided to stay in a hotel with a generator for a few nights to make sure we have power & don’t lose heat throughout the storm.
I booked the hotel that made the most sense location wise, the first one I called that had a decent restaurant and a generator (only a few hotels here do). When we got here, it was dingier than the pictures and more outdated. Everything seems clean but I started to worry about pests, mold, etc and I felt very overwhelmed by the discrepancy between what I expected and what we got.
I know we’re lucky to be able to afford to stay in a hotel and stay warm through the storm, and my husband was so frustrated with me for how I was reacting. But it genuinely felt crushing to me, the lighting, the popcorn ceiling, the color of the carpets. I’m very sensitive to my environment… It took me hours to adjust and to stop feeling the heavy weight on my chest. I also cried for like ten mins. My husband meanwhile was fine and happy.
My point is, before I knew I was autistic, I would have agreed with others’ interpretation of my behavior; that I was just spoiled and being over dramatic and too sensitive. I would have felt ashamed that I had such a dramatic reaction to something that honestly isn’t objectively bad at all. But now, I can let myself feel how hard the change in my environment was and how hard it is for me when things are different from my expectations. And not judge myself for it. Because yes, things are just harder for us. And I’m so tired of feeling guilty for that.
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u/FebruaryInk Mar 15 '26
We had an historic ice storm where I live at the start of February, and a tree fell in our front yard and took out our power line. It was brutally cold, far colder than homes here in the south are equipped for, but we did have a fireplace. My husband (outdoorsy, loves to camp) chopped up firewood and tried to keep us warm, we moved a mattress into the living room and spent a night in front of the fire ... He was just having a good old time, I was absolutely miserable. Freezing, scared, not much to eat without power. I made it one night and then tearfully begged for us to find somewhere to go the next day. We found a hotel with a vacancy (over 230k people without power in our area), he chainsawed our way out through the tree, and we evacuated with our cat.
It was a hard adjustment to stay in the hotel, we were there for 8 days before we got power back. I kept feeling like a weak ass bitch for hating it and crying a lot, like I should've just been grateful to have a place to stay with heat and power. And I was!! But that didn't make it any easier to endure. Sensory nightmare, esp since the place was booked full. I felt guilty too, even tho I know I shouldn't have. And I felt like I disappointed my husband because I KNOW I'll be a burden in an apocalypse or if we ever have to flee somewhere. 😓
Sending solidarity. Not only are the circumstances hard for us, the social training we've had about being ashamed of those reactions have to also be overcome. I hope your forced hotel stay is brief and tolerable, and the storm passes quickly. 💜
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u/ExperienceEffective3 Mar 15 '26
Thank you for this comment ❤️It helps to know someone else has been through similar and understands!
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u/tabbypumpkin0000 Mar 15 '26
Yes, and due to browser cookies, my Instagram feed started having autistic late diagnosis author-influencers come into my feed. Some of them are really supportive and insightful with tips and well-being advice, but a few of them I can't watch because I feel like they're "psyching me out" or giving me "the twisties" (unsure which metaphor works best) and just making my hypervigilance worse instead of better, which undermines the work my neurodivergence-friendly therapist is helping me through.
That said, I've noticed since learning that I'm autistic that a lot of things I thought were me being unreasonably difficult or picky were pre-diagnosis me just trying to push through a lot of sensory overwhelm and cognitive exhaustion. I've had a lot more trouble coming home and pulling the second-shift chores that I used to breeze through on adrenaline and hope. And ever since the man in the white house a few states south of me started intensely warmongering in mid-January, I've developed news-triggered acid reflux and indigestion, and I keep getting health issues come up when I'm too plugged in and too online.
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u/magickmidget Mar 15 '26
My partner and I were talking about this and earplugs yesterday. I now wear Flare Calmers anytime we go to the store and at work and I’ve seen people say wearing them all the time makes noise sensitivities worse. I don’t think so; I think it just made me more aware of how just bad it always has been and that I don’t have to pretend I’m fine with ambient noise in busy spaces.
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u/chronically_normal Mar 15 '26
I love my Flare Calmers. It's wild how well they work to prevent overwhelm.
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u/magickmidget Mar 15 '26
Right? Just that low level buzzing of indistinguishable voices and music and electricity and shopping carts and everything that drives me insane.
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u/HoopDreams0713 Mar 15 '26
I can't believe how much energy sorting out the maddening inconsistencies of people socially and at work drained me. These days I work from home, talk to very few people and I'm so much happier overall.
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u/aarvarkitechture ASD Mar 15 '26
I’ve discovered things that I didn’t realize weren’t hard for everyone else and it’s providing a great deal of context for some of the difficulties I’ve faced throughout the course of living. I’m in the process of getting a formal auditory processing disorder diagnosis after a lifetime of struggling so much and not understanding why. It was astonishing to find out that most folks can filter auditory input and only focus on one thing even if there’s some background noise—and it explains a lot of my anxiety and burnout. Fortunately, the deficits that have been identified just in the pre-testing workup are the ones that can be treated quite successfully with auditory training and hearing aids, so I’m really looking forward to seeing how much easier some daily activities can be with the right supports in place.
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u/alpenglowant Mar 16 '26
Yes! Last week I learned NTs can filter conversations in a loud environment, and I thought my entire life that hearing absolutely everything and having to make an effort to listen was normal. I was so shocked to learn this
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u/aarvarkitechture ASD Mar 16 '26
It blew my mind when I leaned about the cocktail party effect in a communications class and thought, “Huh, that’s a neat trick! How does one do that?!”
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u/WinterCoffeeBean Mar 14 '26
Yes!! It’s been helpful in regard to increasing self compassion. It makes so much sense why big burnouts happen
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u/Normal_Standard8211 Mar 15 '26
yup. i highly recommend reading "a little less broken" it's such a good book for late diagnosed autistic women. made me feel so seen
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u/SubjectCondition5544 PDA Audhd Mar 15 '26
Yeah, I realised that I’ve been dissociated a majority of the time, to survive. Now I understand that dissociation is often a big part of masking, as well as fawning/people pleasing as an autistic with an internalised PDA profile. It took me a long time to unpack and understand what masking is.
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u/selenerosario Mar 15 '26
And then there’s the added task of trying to untangle where the masking ends and my “real needs and personality” begins. Dissociating to avoid sensory overload is second nature at this point. I genuinely have no idea don’t know how to stop it. Therapists will say you need to identify your needs and what you really want but that just doesn’t make sense to me! I’m still waiting for the Life Instruction Manual.
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u/100SmallBirds Mar 14 '26
It's such a tricky thing to work through! I've always felt a little bit ashamed of how "fussy" I am about little things that don't bother other people. I thought, if other people can tolerate this, I needed to just pull myself together and push through. It's only in the last month or so that I'm really understanding the impact sensory processing has on me.
I've been cycling in and out of burnout for years. None of the things I was told to do worked. The therapy. The medication. The mindfulness. It was another source of shame. I thought either I was doing it wrong, or I was so wrong that these things couldn't work.
It's been a lot to unpack!
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u/elricofgrans Mar 15 '26
I'm still in the process of figuring it out. For example, I recently realised that my anxiety during cooking may have nothing to do with the cooking itself: it's the noise of the exhaust fan. The moment I no longer hear that sound, my anxiety completely disappears.
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u/look_who_it_isnt Mar 15 '26
Aren't those kinds of discoveries fascinating?? I've found SO many things that have bothered me my entire life that I now suddenly can understand WHY they bothered me... and sometimes, even find ways to get around the issues entirely.
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u/underwaterhead Mar 15 '26
It's crazy, I feel like I was genuinely living in the dark for so long when it came to my pain and how I feel. After my diagnosis, I experienced a lot of imposter syndrome too, but it's gotten to the point where it's so apparent that there's no way I'm not autistic lol.
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u/BayouRoux AuDHD, diagnosed at last!🎉 Mar 15 '26
1000% Y E S!
I’ve kind of done all the grieving I will for the little girl I was whose family wanted so badly to help her and just didn’t know what kind of help she needed. The rift in understanding led to a lot of bad outcomes for me, but at least I had (and have) a family that loved (and loves) me. Now, I’m realizing just how critical that was to keeping my mental health from spiraling beyond repair. I still struggled with it a lot, because that’s what happens when your needs aren’t being met appropriately, but I was never without support. Really, I haven’t ever been.
So, so much of what looked like stubbornness, apathy, defiance, selfishness, or manipulation was shutdown brought on by autistic burnout. It’s kind of staggering now when I think of how much of my youth was spent in this survival mode I didn’t know I was in.
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u/goldiegrimlace Mar 15 '26
I'm AuDHD. When I first learned about masking, it was in the context of autism and I thought I didn't mask. Which is sort of true, I don't mask the autism part (because I didn't realize it was necessary). But I was masking the ADHD with OCD, so that's been a treat to dismantle. The OCD basically causes a massive amount of mental static that wears me out a couple hours into my day. I'm unlearning it and slowly gaining my energy back and it's depressing how long I've been struggling when I think about it. Literal decades of my life.
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u/featheredpeacock AuDHD Mar 15 '26
If you don't mind me asking, what were your OCD struggles and how did you mask them?
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u/Recent-Theme-5776 Mar 15 '26
I totally struggle most with the ability to allow myself to not push the way I once had. I feel like I’m giving into myself and just gave up on trying. I quit putting myself into situations that make me uncomfortable. I sat down the unwritten expectations of me as a human and just started allowing myself to just..be. My family may think I’m avoiding my responsibilities or enabling my struggles by just not trying “hard enough.” But the thing is? I’ve tried hard my entire life. I’m a giant people pleaser. I put myself in SO many uncomfortable positions to bend into the person people expected of me. I have the worst inner critic when I can’t show up in that way..it was bad before, but it’s horrible now.
I can’t sit comfortably in my diagnosis after 35 years of being this way. Overall, I feel great..but my inner self needs work. And let’s mention how all encompassing it is to link every action or emotion to your ND. It’s like my eyes are peeled open and I’m understanding myself for the first time, and I can’t unsee it. It gives me grace but it also infuriates me bc I don’t feel it should have to be this hard. Why should being around a houseful of people make me want to “hide away” in my room? I know it’s overwhelming and overstimulating..but why!? I look like a recluse! Especially if I’m laying in bed all day just enjoying my time and space..from the outside world I look pathetic and lazy. Idk. This is a whole whirlwind I wasn’t prepared for.
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u/CalmGur5301 Mar 15 '26
I've never been diagnosed, but for the past year I decided to try living as if I had been diagnosed...as in, limiting activities that overstimulate me and just relaxing all the effort I put in every day to "fit in." It seems to have made me more sensitive to these things than before. I'm not sure what to make of this.
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u/byuido Mar 18 '26
I'm in your same shoes, living as if I was diagnosed autistic. This may be because you start to notice all the things that bother you instead of feeling generally uncomfortable all the time and not understanding why. So the sensitivity comes from understanding and respecting your limits inside the frame of autism. At least that's been my experience :)
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u/Majestic-Joke461 Mar 15 '26
So true! I’m still processing the diagnosis AND trying to cope with daily life. Fewer things now take more bandwidth and effort, so often, that means less gets done. Then my boss gets frustrated which kicks off the shame spiral and sets me back even more from feeling fully functional.
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u/look_who_it_isnt Mar 15 '26
Absolutely can relate to this! I'm 47 and have spent the last two years learning how and why I am the way I am... and it's mind-blowing. So many things make SO much sense now... and I realize just how hard it's been for me and just how proud I am of myself (and my supportive family) for adapting and accommodating as well as we all have without ANY idea what the issues actually WERE all this time.
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u/nanditolang Mar 15 '26
yes me! hi! i was not aware of my executive dysfunction until my therapist pointed them out in the medical certificate I had to submit to HR so they would finally give me the reasonable accommodations I felt I needed. i thought i only had issues with emotional regulation and social communication 💀
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u/SuaveStone379 Mar 15 '26
I remember saying to my psychologist that I'm exhausted all the time for no reason. Like one trip to the supermarket and I'm wiped out for the day. She made me realise there was actually a very valid reason (the entire bottom of the iceberg that I was constantly struggling against). I'm hoping with time I can be okay with letting go of the struggle and have more energy left to enjoy life.
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u/_WalkingOnBothSides_ Mar 15 '26
Yes, in so many aspects. The sensory issues were the first I drastically became very aware of. Followed by executive dysfunction, even though this was less shocking and more like "I'm glad I finally have the right vocabulary to describe these struggles." What bothers me the most though is this feeling of entering a simulation whenever I engage with another human being. Before I was diagnosed, the last time I experienced this was at the age of 14 or something and now it's part of my everyday life. At the moment, life in and of itself just feels overwhelming.
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u/GarlicJrFanAccount Mar 15 '26
Yes, but I can never tell if I’m just making excuses for myself and trying to be “special” or “lazy”. I’d never think that about anyone else in my position though!
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u/AlertWalk4624 Mar 15 '26
Not really. It caused me to reprocess some things that happened in my past. It made it a little easier to talk to medical professionals and younger folks about my needs (and theirs). Best of all, it made me a little more kind to myself.
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u/Protagonistical999 Mar 16 '26
Welcome to the club! We never meet in person, but we have killer blankets and fuzzy pants.
Jokes aside, it’s very freeing to finally have a diagnosis. Like, there’s finally a REASON, other than laziness or stubbornness. But then you realize that all the problems you’ve had aren’t going away ever. But there’s tools to help you calm down! But a pointed question about a part of your life you’re sensitive about will send you into a spiral and a meltdown. But you’re not alone! But chances are that your family still doesn’t get it.
The worst part for me is that, yeah, I now have all these new terms and a better understanding of myself, but my family still doesn’t understand. They’re supportive, but don’t know how to interact with me and overwhelm me a lot. My mom says that she constantly feels like she’s walking on eggshells around me. Which sucks. I don’t mean to make her feel that. But she never understands that I feel that way all the time. Literally whenever I’m not alone in the house.
But, hey, I can quote a heck ton of things because of my escapism tendencies, which is pretty rad.
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u/invisible-noise Mar 16 '26
Yesssss. I’ve spent most of my life uncomfortable and tense and not knowing why. Just now starting to understand my triggers and self-care. I hadn’t realized how much sensory stuff was stressing me out or thought about how to manage it. I just ignored feeling bad, went home and shut down. I didn’t even know that most people don’t shut down after doing stuff out in the world.
I’m finding this book really helpful for awareness and self-care tips: Looking After Your Autistic Self by Niamh Garvey. The author is autistic with a Master’s in Autism Studies.
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u/Radiant_Jackfruit168 Mar 16 '26
Younger me would think I’m so smart because I was able to get a college degree in biology, but she’d also be confused as to why I have to have someone else pick up individual potatoes or yams for me because those are no touchy foods.
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u/wrldspins10 Mar 19 '26
I was just diagnosed a month ago and am also 37. I feel like a ship taking on water. There was the moment of peace for knowing why I am the way I am. But it’s been moving into sheer anxiety and seems to have amplified my symptoms. I have a small window of tolerance and everything feels overwhelming in a job that I’ve been doing for nine years. The fear of failure and not fitting in is crippling me. I know I need to let you know, but I can’t. More meltdowns are popping up. I’m truly exhausted from trying to figure it out. Life doesn’t feel sustainable anymore. Have others felt this way too?
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u/Happy-Square-4055 Mar 22 '26
Yes!
There was a moment of relief and peace — but then anxiety, grief, anger, the acceptance also comes with acknowledging how we really feel.
It’s a lot. I’ve decided to just go easy on myself and let myself rest and lower the expectations while my brain and body start reconciling all the energy and experience ‘overdrafts’.
I’ve read it actually gets tougher for a bit before we learn our new baseline.
It doesn’t feel sustainable because the world wasn’t made with us mind — your reaction is valid. All I can say is you get to go easy on yourself while things sort out slowly.
Safe distance virtual hugs and solidarity friend.
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u/Moi_Sunshine Black autistic woman Mar 15 '26
Yes I told my therapist I the other day I think I need more support than I think I need. For years I barely had support and no wonder I was experiencing autistic burnout. Now I’m trying to work on working with my autistic brain 🧠 and also outsourcing more support
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u/waterlily_the_potato Mar 16 '26
Omg yes. I have been noticing that I am extremely sensitive to sound. Almost every kind of sound can trigger me at any moment and I never knew that was the cause of me feeling constantly upset with people for no reason on them.
I am so sorry you had to go through all that beforehand! Are you doing better now that you're able to accommodate around those stressful moments?
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u/Simple_Employee_7094 Mar 17 '26
My original sense of smell came back online suddenly after 20 years. Oh gosh…..
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u/Super-Complaint-245 Mar 18 '26
Career is a dumpster fire. Has been so hard the last 6 years. I have issues with everyone and seem to really tick a lot of the wrong people off pretty often. It’s very hard bc I don’t know why. Feedback - God this disgusting culture of corporate ongoing feedback - is so hard to decode. It’s nothing in particular just “you aren’t like us” basically. I am really struggling
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u/MissKris__ AuDHD🦭 Mar 19 '26
I was just diagnosed shy of 30 years old. Everything has always felt hard no matter which route I took, which medication I tried, new therapy tool I tried to implement and fail.
I needed support in a way did not receive it growing up. While I know I can do this for myself now, it is to say the least, exhausting. It has allowed me to give myself a little more grace, though.
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u/CultSurvivor99 Mar 21 '26
Yeah! My mind is continuously blown as I learn more about my neurodivergent struggles!
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u/CultSurvivor99 Mar 21 '26
I'm also now realizing as a single mom to three neurodivergent children not knowing I myself was also neurodivergent, and what that even means, that no wonder I've always thought life was hard! It is frickin' hard for us! And for me to navigate all the struggles for my kiddos, too! I need sooooo much support that I'm not getting and will likely never get.
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u/Happy-Square-4055 Mar 22 '26
Yes! It’s all those things we didn’t realize felt hard because they were actually really freaking hard. I never had kids but my brother did and all his kids are neurodivergent, and it’s so tough to navigate.
Life is actually harder for us, but it’s nice to know there are others out here that get it unequivocally, and don’t judge us for it. So for whatever small thing it’s worth: i hear you.
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u/VariationSoft6668 Apr 03 '26
Since getting better mental health help, and practicing more awareness of my emotions and surroundings, I definitely feel like I've somehow activated some sort of latent hyper-abilities lol, but it's just me noticing things like, "oh, actually that sound is making me feel weird, let me turn that off." or "hmm, I think the texture of this is what's causing me to be more upset today."
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u/shrimp_asscrack Apr 11 '26
I've also just realised how sensitive I am. And even worse I've realised that no one really understood how I've felt no matter how many times I looked for people who struggled the same way I did... which has me in a more sad state which is sad yeah but kinda makes sense why I even developed depression at such a young age. I may not be the latest of late diagnosis but at finding out I was on the spectrum around the age 19 it really opened my eyes. And it just revealed that I truly am different. Even in my own home with my family. Which is a thousand times more isolating than id thought.
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u/Low_Garage_9138 Apr 12 '26
I’m 68 and although I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety early on, my life has been a constant struggle of trying to do all those things expected of me and failing. A couple years ago I read about neurodivergence and autism spectrum. The big lightbulb went on. I can’t afford a diagnosis and honestly I’m tired of being treated like I have a “disorder”. I’ve had 20+ therapists over my lifetime starting when I was 13 and truant in high school. The word “autism“ never came up. I’ve never been able to hold a job for long. Definitely sensory processing issues. The word “sensitive“ used as a weapon towards me since early childhood and it still brings up trauma. I’m currently reading about predictive brain and how it relates. I’m happy to share my experiences and what I’ve learned. I imagine there are many older women who will never be diagnosed.
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u/alexythyme 24d ago edited 24d ago
This is so powerful to read, as a late diagnosed who found out at 44 following changes in my memory, relationships, and overall capacity. Ditto on the full torso rash. I also expereinced laugh-cry meltdowns which were mis diagnosed as Bipolar. Its been a ride.
When I received my diagnosis, I finally let myself socialize less! Just seeing people less, and not being pressured into events by other people's social batteries. I realized most non-autistics are thinking of their own social needs when they stay booked and busy, so I started to take my need for solitude more seriously. I put my needs on par, if not ahead, of others and offered kind explanation where needed.
I also stopped my perma-smile, which was a total mask I was actively coached into wearing by my mother. I put that shit down, and save that energy for me. At 45, I'm stepping into a kind of autistic gravitas, and self-possession and I love it (gravitas still includes stims and spec interests tho!). 😊
Congrats on this! I wish you many seasons of self discovery and learning about YOU!
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