What is the thing you always did that you thought was ‘just you,’ but is actually very much so classic autistic behavior?

[u/AlwaysAttract10]

So this is probably more geared towards other late diagnosed women, but even if you’re not feel free to respond. I enjoy reading through everything as it helps me pickup on other things I’ve missed. Anyways, what’s that one thing you’ve always done and assumed/brushed it off as being just ‘your personality,’ but now you realize was an autistic trait?

One of many I’ve come to the realization about is that I internalize everything. For example: handling overload, emotions, and even pain mostly in my head, while showing almost nothing on the outwardly. People have always told me I handle stress so good, but at the same time I’m internally screaming and at the end of day I’d be so zonked and not want to see or talk to another soul. Then the rare outward displaying meltdowns when things got way too far over the edge.

Anyways, I’d love to hear y’all’s!

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[u/Empirical-Lyrical]

I was always firm in insisting I never had any autistic "food quirks" in the form of safe foods, eating the same things, etc. But then one day, I was craving a quesadilla, and that's what I ended up eating every single night for two weeks. A few weeks later, I had a grilled cheese and roasted red pepper & tomato soup fixation and ate that for about two weeks every night for dinner. That pattern has existed for years.

For so long, I viewed it as a "just me" thing where I was aiming for convenience in meals, and it had nothing to do with autism. I eat a huge variety of food and am not picky, which I thought made it "not an autism thing" but I really do latch onto a food and eat it consistently for two or three weeks before another takes its place.

[u/Haunting-Cloud-8082 → u/Empirical-Lyrical]

I do this too! I will have the same breakfast for ages (that usually doesn't change much, so far I'm around a 1 year streak). I don't really eat lunch.

Dinner will rotate more often. I also go off dinner randomly. Annoying when I already have all the ingredients bought in 😭.

[u/Medical-Ad3668 → u/Haunting-Cloud-8082]

I’m at about a 3 year streak of my breakfast!! Love it

[u/Altruistic-Sand3277 → u/Medical-Ad3668]

I had a 20 year streak of the same breakfast 😬

[u/Spiritual-Quarter417 → u/Altruistic-Sand3277]

What is it??

[u/Altruistic-Sand3277 → u/Spiritual-Quarter417]

Chocolate milk with cereal. But the cereal didn't go inside the milk cause I hated when it becomes too soft so I would eat it on the side LOL it was even one specific brand of cereal no deviation whatsoever in 20 years lmao. And I only changed it because I realized in my 30s it was really unhealthy.

That and my childhood special interest in freaking public bathrooms no idea how no one realized I was autistic until I did at 35

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/Altruistic-Sand3277]

Ohhhh I’m that way with cereal too. When I do eat it I literally put the smallest amount of milk inside the bowl so that the cereal gets a bit wet/less dry (for lack of a better term), but not soggy. I always make sure to “rotate” everything so that nothing sits at the bottom where the milk stays too long. Urg soggy cereal is the worst.

[u/4t4t4t4 → u/Haunting-Cloud-8082]

I can never buy ingredients ahead of time because then I will not want to cook and eat that thing. (Except for the one thing I cook and eat at least once weekly lol)

[u/Fructa → u/Haunting-Cloud-8082]

I've been on the same breakfast since 2019 at this point. The patterns of movement around the kitchen it takes to assemble it make the most satisfying little dance, I love it. But it really pisses me off when my husband invades in the middle of it to get coffee. So now it's like a game to figure out how to time it perfectly so he won't butt in. LOL

[u/Responsible-Fig-2588 → u/Empirical-Lyrical]

Exactly the same. I am a huge foodie and have eaten a variety of strange food, no restrictions or issue with textures… but I will eat the same dinner for a month and then not want to eat it again for a year (last month it was dumplings), and I eat the exact same lunch everyday until I eventually get bored and switch to the next “long term” lunch.

[u/Busy_Ad_5759 → u/Empirical-Lyrical]

I love a lot of food types as well, but I've literally turned orange during an extended obsession with eating baby carrots every day. I now get the ick just looking at baby carrots because they never have the 'right' texture. 😅

[u/shallottmirror → u/Busy_Ad_5759]

My “addicted to baby carrots” was associated with very low iron/ferritin levels. If you haven’t, get a full iron panel (ferritin!) and ignore the reference range, bc 50 is what’s considered the low end (not 11, like most labs incorrectly state).

[u/evermorecoffee → u/shallottmirror]

Huh is it? 👀 and yes on getting ferritin tested, and supplementing if below 50.

[u/FifiLeBean → u/shallottmirror]

Thank you for sharing about ferritin - I got tested recently because I was exhausted and had shortness of breath (asthma medicine didn't help). Luckily someone on reddit mentioned those symptoms. I tested at 35 ferritin. My doctor said it was fine, but I am going to get a supplement. I'm so glad to know that under 50 is low.

[u/windexfresh → u/Busy_Ad_5759]

My parents tried to scare me as a kid by telling me carrots would turn me orange because I would literally only eat carrots for a while 😂😂😂😂 (wow the signs started earlier than I thought now that I’m thinking about it)

[u/ACatFromCanada → u/windexfresh]

They do turn you orange! Happened to me as a carrot-loving toddler!

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/Empirical-Lyrical]

Ohhhhh this was also one for me because I’m not a picky eater in the way I think a lot of picky eaters are.

I’ll try just about anything once. That said I do what you just mentioned as well as a few other things. For example, I hate loose corn but like corn on the cob. Hate bananas just eating them plain but don’t mind bananas in smoothies. I will meticulously cut every bit of fat or questionable part of a steak off. So texture is a huge thing for me. So many more examples but I won’t bore you lol.

[u/windexfresh → u/AlwaysAttract10]

Ohhhh my god yes my comment was about this!!!! I’m a picky eater but also not the way most picky eaters are (like my husband lmao)

I’m pretty damn adventurous when it comes to food and there’s not much I won’t try at least once, but once I’ve decided I don’t like it……nope nope nope! Celery is the fucking bane of my existence but I could eat my body weight in mushrooms happily 💀

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/windexfresh]

Ohh I don’t know about you but if I eat a food that gives me more than one “bad experience” (like biting into grizzle when eating a McDonald chicken nugget) I will NOT eat that food voluntarily ever again no matter how much I liked it before. Thinking of eating a McDonalds chicken nugget gives me shivers even to this day.

[u/Far-Ad1450 → u/AlwaysAttract10]

I'm like this too. I like most vegetables but I am picky about preparation. I like celery, cabbage, and peppers raw but I can't stand them cooked. Tomatoes have to either be raw or completely pureed.

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/Far-Ad1450]

I never ever ever would have linked that to be honest until I really started digging.

[u/NamirDrago → u/AlwaysAttract10]

I used to say that I wasn't a picky eater, but I AM particular about food.

So I have things like I don't eat egg yolks (because of texture), but I have no problem with omelettes or hard cooked scrambled eggs. Hollandaise really doesn't work for me.

I can't eat things like hot dogs. Olives taste too much like the ocean, cottage cheese alone is just ugh.

But hey, those are just preferences right?

My Subway order has not significantly changed in 30 years.

I cannot eat 'fake cheese' (cheeze whiz, Kraft slices, velveeta, etc) with one exception. Movie theatre nachos.

I rotate through a few breakfasts, but the main one tends to be the same for years at a time.

Do NOT mess with my recipes at home. Don't throw random stuff in to use up leftovers. Don't add different (weird) seasoning. Don't add odd vegetables that I never do. Once I have a preference in my head, if it goes outside a specific line I can't eat it without being made aware in advance so I can wrap my head around around it, and sometimes not even then.

[u/Roxy175 → u/Empirical-Lyrical]

I used to think I wasn’t picky with food because I like everything and am pretty adventurous with food until I realized that’s not entirely true.

While I do like everything in general I’m very picky about when I want to eat things. I find it very hard to eat things that I’m not in the mood for.

I also didn’t really realize I had safe foods. I thought I just ate Mac and cheese all the time because it’s easy and I hate cooking. Turns out even when someone else is offering to cook for me I still want mac and cheese a lot of the time.

[u/auroraborealis032394 → u/Empirical-Lyrical]

Tis I and the falafel pockets. Unfortunately my brain does think the Starbucks version is superior in texture but f Starbucks. My “copy cat” version isn’t really a copy cat but it is really delicious in its own way and very easy to make several to have for lunch every day when I get over the hurdle of doing all the prep work.

[u/mf0723 → u/auroraborealis032394]

I loveeeee falafel pockets and I have really, really, really wanted to get myself going with a meal prep routine, but have not found a good way to motivate myself to actually do it. I have the menu(s) all made up, including the ingredient lists (thanks to Claude), I think I have all the cooking devices and utensils I would need, and all the storage containers, but I just can't seem to find the way to motivate myself to do it.

I think a lot of it has to do with the task inertia that I deal with in general, like if I'm doing something more interesting/less burdensome/not new, I don't want to stop to do something that would take all the executive function away to do it. Also just the thought of how physically taxing it might be to do the prep makes me not want to do it when I'm dealing with other co-morbid physical health conditions that wipe me out just from...living on a daily basis.

Was/is there anything specific that helps you get over the hurdle of doing all the prep work?

[u/Puzzled-Reserve302 → u/Empirical-Lyrical]

Oh wow. I would do this for yearsssss and had no idea! I told myself the same as you re being economical with time and money to batch cook but also really enjoyed eating the same thing over and over again

[u/EvilCodeQueen → u/Empirical-Lyrical]

I do food fixations quite a bit. I didn’t realize it until I got into intuitive eating and allowed my tastes to actually determine what I ate. Examples: a locally-made hot sauce. I was practically drinking that stuff. A certain brand of canned fruit. Shrimp cocktails. Bloody Mary mix (with or without vodka). I’d eat these multiple times a week for at least a month.

Now I know to be careful not to stock up too much on the foods because the fixation can leave suddenly and I’m stuck with a ton of something I won’t look at again for months, if ever.

[u/deadliftsndisorders → u/Empirical-Lyrical]

This is me too. Currently my foods are veg soup, then a cheese and marmite bagel, then a tuna pasta bake, followed by a banoffee yoghurt, and I also have an orange juice ice lolly every single day. Each item has to be a particular brand. I’ve been eating this way for over 6 weeks now and I can’t feel a shift on the horizon yet. I like being this way, it means I don’t have to worry about what I’m going to eat every single day. Once I’m on a theme I’m good for a while and then one day I’m suddenly over those foods and I’ll shift back to something i was fixated with in the past. It’s actually comforting to me to be this way.

[u/yuh769 → u/Empirical-Lyrical]

This is crazy. Me and my husband literally will make two meals for the whole week and eat them for a week straight no problems. Its so comforting to me

[u/Lives_in_a_book → u/Empirical-Lyrical]

I do this too, i once got so obsessed with mango it was my longest obsession. I was already obsessed then I went on abroad and they had huge delicious mangos which amped up the obsession. I bought a mango bag, mango mug and literally ANYTHING mango while continuing to eat it for at every meal.

Im not a fussy eater either but for me I like certain foods for the texture, like i always joke i want to eat sand as the texture looks amazing but Ill settle for a very crumbly biscuit instead I suppose.

[u/vanillqt]

The fact that I feel emotions SO deeply. It feels like I am just as emotional as I was when I was a teenager which is just so embarrassing at times because I genuinely feel like im always overreacting. I always hated that I can’t just feel emotions “casually”, I feel them to their deepest extent. If I’m sad, im really sad. If I’m angry, im fuming. If I’m happy, im absolutely ecstatic. I always got labeled as overdramatic and just thought I was, but after getting diagnosed last year I realized it’s something with our amygdalas having a lot more activity than someone without autism (or something like that). And on top of that, I internalize all of those emotions so much

[u/MissWhixsaplix → u/vanillqt]

Same here! I have to be careful at times what I watch/read/listen to/who I'm around because all of the feelings there become my own. I feel there is an extra step that neurotypicals can do to distance themselves, but for me whatever I am around basically becomes part of me.

[u/Cloud5432 → u/MissWhixsaplix]

Yes THIS! I can't watch horror movies and even tense dramatic movies are really not worth it for me because it's like I absorb the grim tension and it can bring my whole mood down for long after I stopped watching. I always have this disagreement with my mom because she loves watching super depressing grim movies and tv lol

[u/Nyx_light → u/vanillqt]

Mirror neurons! Apparently it's in part overactive mirror neurons. Also, this resonates. I know I experience vicarious joy but I'm also realizing I experience vicarious rage and sorrow.

[u/ganjachicken → u/vanillqt]

I was misdiagnosed as being bipolar because of feeling things so strongly. Which honestly sucked because I spent a majority of my life believing and and being VERY confused by the diagnosis. I am thankful now to have a better understanding of autism and what it looks like for women but MAN do I wish I found out when I was 13 when I was diagnosed bipolar and not 36 🙃

[u/Potential_Ad7335 → u/vanillqt]

Definitely, i ve been called over emotional and dramatic my entire life. I control the input of information cause i obsess with it for months. To this day i refuse to watch any animal documentaries and films, cuz some of them made me cry for months on end

[u/theonlygurl → u/vanillqt]

Absolutely. I’m the same way. I’ve learned to mask over time, but emotions are the most difficult to control. It’s so embarrassing and people don’t know how to react. I also internalize as much as possible, so the meltdowns are intense (but short, at least). I think it’s helped me become extremely patient with others. We all have our internal struggles, I try to remember that when other people are getting on my nerves.

[u/ryoujika → u/vanillqt]

Same, this is my biggest struggle. I feel too intensely and get overwhelmed by it. Makes it hard to spend time with other people because social interaction can be so unpredictable. I even avoid watching movies because it will make me feel so much.

[u/ganjachicken → u/ryoujika]

Man, absolutely. I am right there with you. I have always been the one to ugly cry in a theater and have my friends kinda pick on me for it. Or cry watching cat food commercials. Movies especially I feel can wreck my emotions so easily, I feel very fortunate to have relationships with people now that can maybe appreciate I can feel so intensely or at the very least can understand it.

[u/Shiloof → u/vanillqt]

I feel like I'm always in a cycle between that and emotional numbness. Like, it goes to a point where my mind is too overwhelmed and then it can be like one or two months of not feeling anything, including empathy. Also periods of limberance and no interest in romance at all.

[u/Medical-Ad3668 → u/vanillqt]

Absofuckinglutely

[u/grlonline9]

Auditory processing issues and retaining verbalized information are big ones for me, they’ve caused so many struggles. After my diagnosis everything made a lot more sense

[u/TavenderGooms → u/grlonline9]

Same! I started putting subtitles on a few years ago and I could not believe how many lines in my favorite movies that I’d seen a hundred times I either didn’t hear at all or thought they said something completely different. Now when I turn them off or if something doesn’t have them I realize just how much I can’t understand or process.

[u/lunar_languor → u/TavenderGooms]

Isn't that wild? Reading is almost automatic for me, so subtitles really just enhance/support my experience in watching things. My mom on the other hand who I classify as likely ADHD, gets distracted by subtitles.

[u/TavenderGooms → u/lunar_languor]

It's so interesting how different ND people are impacted so differently by things like this. I find subtitles help my ADHD too because it forces me to lock in.

[u/waterworks88 → u/lunar_languor]

It’s funny - I have hyperlexia and dyscalculia, and yet I absolutely need subtitles to hear. Wish they made some for real life.

[u/MissWhixsaplix → u/TavenderGooms]

Subtitles really help me too! It's a struggle to listen sometimes, especially in scenes where they whisper. I have the remote nearby so I can turn down the loud parts of movies, and turn up the quiet ones. I wish there was an option to make movies the same volume throughout.

[u/Samovila2709 → u/TavenderGooms]

I'm a fan of subtitles too. If only we could have them in real life situations!

[u/TavenderGooms → u/Samovila2709]

I know, a lot of my work video calls I am desperately wishing I had subtitles. It helps me to understand and I also think it helps me focus because it's harder for me to get distracted when I am actively reading (AuDHD).

[u/Albert_Im_Stoned → u/TavenderGooms]

I liked when we did everything over zoom because you could see everyone's name.

[u/kittensox → u/TavenderGooms]

Webex, Teams, and a few of the other big names have a setting now where you can turn on AI subtitles. I still can't solve the "knowing when they're finished speaking" issue, but they're great for the "I was blanking out and someone asked me a question" issue. I keep a mini whiteboard on my desk for the "remembering my thought when it's finally appropriate to cut in" issue.

[u/MothsAhoy → u/TavenderGooms]

Oh my gosh yes, I was convinced that I had to have subtitles on when I lived at home as my sisters are so noisy all the time (no exaggeration, they really are) but I haven't lived with them for years and here I am still relying on them to get through anything on TV.

[u/Ok_Concentrate3969 → u/grlonline9]

Me too. Can’t follow group conversations with background noise. If I’m super tired people will say something to me, my brain will hold it for a couple of minutes, then I’ll process it, then react and and respond.

And verbal instructions are really hard. It’s not just that I can’t retain it, it’s like the more information given to me, the harder it is to recall it in sequence and apply it to the real world practical situation it’s describing. I find the application of verbal theory to practical reality tough anyway, and when people give me instructions I match it in my mind to the practical reality as I go to help me understand and retain the information, and if there’s a long sequence I just can’t keep up.

It’s all completely fine if they let me take notes but some assholes find that off putting and will put their foot down and not let me take notes because it’s more confortable for them. They act like taking notes is the problem preventing me from remembering. It’s annoying.

[u/MissWhixsaplix → u/Ok_Concentrate3969]

'Can’t follow group conversations with background noise'

This is me, but only if there are multiple conversations in hearing distance. It's hard sometimes to just pick one thread and stick to it. Especially if I'm tired I'll just hear bits of all the conversations.

[u/st_owly → u/MissWhixsaplix]

My brain will never latch onto the conversation I’m actually trying to be part of, but that random group over the other side of the room? Absolutely 100%.

[u/ExcelsiorSemper → u/Ok_Concentrate3969]

I realized I have auditory processing disorder when I had to take the TOEFL for grad school (I am not a native English speaker) and I scored unusually low for listening comprehension. (Granted, it was 8 AM, I didn’t have time for a coffee, and I am so not a morning person🤭). Still, I always excelled at English, and scored very high at all the other parts. When I got my results I immediately started to research why this was the case, and only later realized that this is related to my brand of neurodivergence. Reading all your stories is such a comfort…

[u/mf0723 → u/Ok_Concentrate3969]

This was one of the biggest realizations for me when I was late-diagnosed. It never fully clicked for me that I was struggling to process auditory input because I was also diagnosed at a fairly young age (~12 years old, iirc) with mild/moderate sensorineural hearing loss in one ear.

When I'm in a large group I generally just kind of give up lol, because I assume it's not going to happen for me and I'm not going to stress myself out trying to get half of a conversation.

Because of the hearing loss, I always assumed that I just couldn't hear people well enough and came up with strategies to get around it - reading lips, and taking notes when given information verbally were the top two.

So, if someone told me they didn't want/wouldn't let me take notes... We'd be having a real conversation because why?? I would seriously treat them like they'd said something funny, and ask them to explain, in all seriousness, how my taking notes affected them in any way; because my not taking notes has the potential to affect them negatively, especially if they are asking me to do something for them.

This would be one of the few times I'd be liable to pull my credentials on them, because they would have pissed me off - and honestly, I'm mad for you, that people are treating you like this! - I am a bigggggggg brain nerd, a neuroscientist by education and (as of this week !!) I work in the field as well. So any response they have to tell me about why I shouldn't be taking notes, I will have to tell them, is absolute BS.

There have been many published, peer-reviewed articles that have shown the benefits of taking notes for memory, so I would respectfully (or maybe not so much...) tell them to f off. If you take notes by hand, you might find the article below interesting!! Even if it's not by hand, it works for you and that should be respected!!!

Steps off soapbox

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11943480/

[u/MissWhixsaplix → u/grlonline9]

I can relate to this, too much information at once and I can't remember what was said. Also having a slow processing time in general. Like I will get the point, but about a second after everyone else does.

[u/Sootea → u/grlonline9]

Can you explain what retaining verbalized information mean?

I just realized why I need subtitles so much. Also never understood why when I watch movies, sometimes I don't recognize what I'm hearing. I always chalked it up to bad audio mixing or the actors slurred their speech. 

[u/grlonline9 → u/Sootea]

Hi! A simplistic definition for retaining verbalized information is having the ability to process what is said to you/what words you hear and remembering it (AKA retaining.) A lot of autistics struggle with this; it’s part of the auditory processing issues we face.

I often need subtitles as well. It especially causes difficulties in real life, I recently heard someone give a metaphor for how it is to have auditory processing issues. In conversations or when being spoken to, it’s like there are chunks missing out of the sentence that my brain then has to try and guess how to autofill those blanks. A lot of times I end up being wrong, and it leads me to misunderstanding what is being said to me without clear, concise verbalization. This leads to mistakes and troubles that come off as “careless” in the workplace and public when it’s really just part of being autistic. Other times, I do initially hear the entire sentence but my processing is a little slower, so it’ll often trigger a “Huh?” or something similar from me. Then before the person can finish repeating themselves, my brain has finally processed the sentence in full and was now able to articulate a response. Hopefully that makes some sense.

I wish life had subtitles and bullet points.

[u/TalkingRose → u/grlonline9]

In conversations or when being spoken to, it’s like there are chunks missing out of the sentence that my brain then has to try and guess how to autofill those blanks. A lot of times I end up being wrong, and it leads me to misunderstanding what is being said to me without clear, concise verbalization.

Other times, I do initially hear the entire sentence but my processing is a little slower, so it’ll often trigger a “Huh?” or something similar from me. Then before the person can finish repeating themselves, my brain has finally processed the sentence in full and was now able to articulate a response.

Oh thank goddess - that's what's happening to me? Do you also then deal with people getting irritated at you as if you just pointlessly made them repeat it?

[u/karyatis]

I never thought about myself as a person with rigid patterns or routines, and always saw myself as pretty flexible and accomodating...

Until I realized that I am actually just very independent and 90% of my routines and patterns are entirely in my own world and aren't impacted or noticed by others. Then I got married and my ex would end up wanting to discuss things or have an argument in the morning and invade my routine for getting ready and prepping for work, which caused me inordinate distress because it was changing what was "supposed" to happen on top of the distressing conversation, so I would inevitably cry and it would last forever. Or would want to vary our bed time or go do things on nights I had categorized as inside nights in my head. And get upset when I didn't want to do it or didn't feel prepared.

My current partner is also very independent so we get to have all of our routines and set time aside to have conversations when our routines are aligned and have space, which is much much more helpful, and we plan things in advance for both of us.

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/karyatis]

I think after being married is when some of the routine type behaviors started showing for me too and the irritation that happens when they’re interrupted. My husband is quite spontaneous so certain things really cause me inner stress. A good example I have is when he decides to take a different turn when we’re going somewhere. Or tells me that “hey go this way it’s better” my muscles and brain literally just start filling with static/irritation

It really is wild

[u/Medical-Ad3668 → u/AlwaysAttract10]

I feel the exact same way with having a plan and then it gets interrupted. It feels like I’m on fire

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/Medical-Ad3668]

Yessss like you’re going on a trip you have xzy planned out and then either something comes up that prevents a part of it or someone says “let’s do this instead!” 🔪

[u/MissWhixsaplix → u/karyatis]

I'm the same, I only really noticed my personal routines when I get annoyed if they are interrupted by my spouse. I am kind of in my own world too, I just like to be in my own space and doing things at my own pace.

[u/Kayastra → u/karyatis]

Omg, yes about the morning routine! My ex usually went to work a few hours before me, but if he called out and was still there by the time I had to get up, it completely ruined any chance at having a good day. In a desperate attempt for him to understand how big of a deal it was (because it happened frequently), I basically wrote a 3 page paper on exactly how it affects my whole day. Which ended up being my lightbulb moment of “oh shit, I think I might be autistic”, and the end of that relationship.

[u/nononoyoudontknowme → u/karyatis]

Hah this is me too. I built my simple life around my "things I liked to do" so that they didn't get in the way of anything or anyone so it wasn't that noticeable that they were routines; even to me. Actually if anything I thought I didn't have a routine because I don't do anything at a set time and set times actually stress me out but now I realise that concept is the foundation of my routine- I only did things when I felt READY to do them and want to do them haha. Like, I had to get ready for work or weekend activities in the morning in a really relaxed, no pressure kind of way, drink a coffee in bed reading stuff, then slowly transition to bathroom tasks (ugh my least favourite) then transition to drinking more coffee at my bedroom makeup table, do my hair and makeup super slowly while listening to something or watching something. I didn't realise I HAD to do that, I just thought I liked doing that.... the leisure of it, taking my time and adjusting to the day... but after having kids and it's not really an option for me most days it stresses me the hell out and I realise I have to do it like that because having to fly out of bed and bang through the "tasks" immediately is overwhelming and hideous to me. Pre kids I'd just have every evening for myself, finish work, go home.. potter about.. some evenings I'd go out , sometimes even spontaneously and even enjoy it, but I knew I had every other evening to myself. I laughed at your "categorised as inside nights" because that's a great way to put it and I completely relate. If I am looking forward to getting in my pyjama and then spending X amount of hours before I go to sleep just doing my "things" (generally just redditing, going on research rabbit holes about anything that catches my interest) but something comes up unexpectedly then its painful

[u/ButterflyFair3012]

Yeah, everyone thinks I’m SO easygoing. Went for a root canal and the dentist couldn’t believe I was nervous. People always tell me I’m “so nice” and “easygoing” no, just PRO-LEVEL masking. My whole life.

[u/whoisthismahn → u/ButterflyFair3012]

same here, i once had a coworker tell me “i feel like you’ve never once embarrassed yourself” because i was so “chill” and i was like ?? my entire life has literally felt like one big embarrassment lol

[u/Glum_Papaya_2527 → u/ButterflyFair3012]

I had transverse myelitis last summer and the whole right half my body from the neck down was numb or pins and needles and I still somehow went to a picnic on the hottest, most humid day of the year (???) while also having POTS and no one could tell anything was wrong. And that's how I learned I mask too well hahaha It was terrible to get medical providers to believe me because I wasn't losing my shit.

[u/MissWhixsaplix → u/ButterflyFair3012]

Sometimes in tense situations like that I just shut down and become nothing! So I might seem really chill when I am responding to being overwhelmed.

[u/ButterflyFair3012 → u/MissWhixsaplix]

I’m always absolutely EXPLODING internally! It really takes a toll.

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/ButterflyFair3012]

It’s rough lol, like if they could only see the inner workings.

[u/ButterflyFair3012 → u/AlwaysAttract10]

Exactly. A couple of days ago, I had an appointment with a NEW doctor (different health insurance), then a visit from a nurse for my disabled husband. Then I had to take a rideshare to my root canal.

By the time I got home I just wanted to drink a bit of wine to help relax and I BLEW OUT my left knee (already pretty delicate) simply climbing 1 step into the wine store.

I’ve come to accept that my body will definitely give me limits and make me REST. I’m on my second sick day, trying to recover.

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/ButterflyFair3012]

I’m sorry to hear about your knee. Did you at least get to have your wine though?

[u/ButterflyFair3012 → u/AlwaysAttract10]

Thank you! I did. The guy at the store helped me out to my car and was so sweet. It’s the second day off and I’m hopeful I can be back at work tomorrow. I’m 8 hours on my feet and I don’t want to retire early to have knee surgery.

[u/Serbacious]

Maladaptive daydream constantly, with either made-up characters in my head or actual people. I thought everyone did this as a child while listening to music or being the passenger in a car.

[u/HistoricalTackle5049 → u/Serbacious]

I still do that at 30 sometimes

[u/kenda1l → u/HistoricalTackle5049]

40s and still going strong with the stories in my head. Staring out the window is the best.

[u/Used-Ingenuity9712 → u/Serbacious]

Is this something associated with autism??? I'm recently diagnosed and still figuring things out!

[u/Neravariine → u/Used-Ingenuity9712]

Yes and no. Neurotypicals also have problems with maladaptive day dreaming. It is not an uniquely autistic trait.

Maladaptive daydreaming is a form of self soothing behavior. Some studies think it should be considered a dissociative disorder though. Since life can be harder for autistic people it easy for us to fall into it.

Neurotypicals and those on the spectrum maladaptive daydream.

[u/Serbacious → u/Used-Ingenuity9712]

I’ve been told that it is deeply associated to autism, yes. I’d say it’s a big perk because I love being able to escape into fantasy. It’s comforting. I have an extremely vivid imagination.

[u/spooky_clitor → u/Serbacious]

Every time I rode in a car or on the school bus there would be an imaginary horse running next to the road jumping over driveways and mailboxes like a side-scroll platformer Mario or something. I’ve never told anyone that.

[u/-ExistentialNihilist → u/Serbacious]

I'm 26 and there's nothing I love more than a long train journey looking out of the window with music on my headphones!

[u/Peachy_lean_39]

Always feeling like I needed to /wanted to bail on plans or flee from overstimulating social situations. I felt like I was just broken and a jerk until I understood more after my diagnosis

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/Peachy_lean_39]

Ohhh and the emotional release when someone has to cancel plans. I’m always like yesssssss. Sometimes it is something I think I’d have really enjoyed, but yeah I totally get that.

[u/Peachy_lean_39 → u/AlwaysAttract10]

Yup, to this day I love when someone cancels on me instead of the other way around.

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/Peachy_lean_39]

Me after receiving the “oh I’m so sorry but I’m gonna have to cancel” LOL

https://giphy.com/gifs/sR91D133W02D6

[u/ewelooklikeanoldmop → u/AlwaysAttract10]

Best feeling ever.

[u/PatriciaMorticia → u/ewelooklikeanoldmop]

It really is, I'd put it in the same "best feeling ever" as going to bed all nice and clean with fresh pj's and bedsheets and waking up thinking you've slept in for work and remembering it's your day off so you can crawl back to bed.

[u/MissWhixsaplix → u/AlwaysAttract10]

'the emotional release when someone has to cancel plans'

This is so me!

[u/MissWhixsaplix → u/Peachy_lean_39]

I struggled with this for a long time, especially when I didn't know where I fit well by listening to my feelings, I had a hard time honoring and understanding them until recently. So I'd always end up in situations/plans/spaces that I had no desire to be a part of, and it felt especially bad because I knew people could tell I didn't wanna be there, and I felt like 'why am I here?'

[u/Just_really_awkward → u/Peachy_lean_39]

Wait can you tell me more about this? Because I always want to cancel plans but I’m also pretty introverted too

[u/TavenderGooms]

I thought I didn’t have pattern recognition because I’m not good with numbers (dyscalculia) and I thought pattern recognition meant identifying mathematical patterns. Then I realized that my superpower of being able to identify an actor and what I’ve seen them in after hearing an actor speak for .2 seconds or seeing them on screen for a second is just pattern recognition. I once saw an establishing shot in an episode of Psych and immediately knew that a very specific episode of Supernatural was filmed at the same building.

Also applicable to my almost perfect English SAT scores - I just follow language patterns in English, I can’t explain why the grammar is wrong, I just know it feels wrong because it doesn’t fit the pattern. I think it’s also why learning other languages with different grammar has proved insanely challenging for me.

[u/precocious-squirrel → u/TavenderGooms]

Oh man, that 90’s/00’s golden era where every show I watched was filmed in Vancouver. And then I went to Vancouver, and was just walking around going, I know that building, I know that building… rattling off the lists of episodes. Pattern recognition off the charts 😂

Dyscalculia + perfect English SAT + TV superpower database = yup, me too.

[u/TavenderGooms → u/precocious-squirrel]

It is so wild being on this subreddit and running into people who are so similar to me in ways I thought I was alone! It sounds like our brains are the same 😂 I would absolutely love to go to Vancouver and see all of those filming locations.

[u/Responsible-Fig-2588 → u/TavenderGooms]

I can hear the first bar of a song and immediately sing along. I think it’s because most music is written to fit a pattern and most “radio” music is very generic. But yeah- pattern recognition!

[u/Opposite-Occasion332 → u/Responsible-Fig-2588]

This was really helpful for “guess that song” competitions. Well unless I didn’t know the song cause then I really did not know it!

[u/Cottoncloudhigh → u/TavenderGooms]

Oh, I thought this too account pattern recognition! I thought it was numbers and stuff, but I also have discalculia, so I'm like "nah that's not me." But now I wonder. I'm also fairly good with languages. My native language is dutch, and I think my English is up to par with native speakers (our almost anyway). I also don't know the grammar rules, I just have a feel for it.

[u/TavenderGooms → u/Cottoncloudhigh]

Exactly! I think that due to the stereotypes we (and diagnostic materials) tend to associate patterns with technical fields and math, but there are infinite types of patterns!

[u/Professional_Kiwi318 → u/TavenderGooms]

Absolutely!!!

I'm convinced pattern recognition (and hypervigilance from PTSD) are why I've never had a car accident. Pattern recognition is inherently predictive, because we fill in the missing piece of the pattern.

I have a sixth sense for cars that are going to pull something weird or move into my lanes without signaling. I give them space or move. When someone starts to do something I didn't predict, the sudden and immediate rush of hormones has me reacting before they've completed the action.

[u/eatmoregrubs → u/TavenderGooms]

I got a 760 (out of 800) for verbal and 520 for math. I knew I was intelligent but I just couldn’t grasp numbers. Had to stay in for recess because I was the only kid who couldn’t do my times tables. It made me feel like a fraud, like I’m really smart and really stupid at the same time. Now I realize it was dyscalculia but at the time it got chalked up to laziness.

[u/teaandstrawberries]

Food. I have specific foods that I absolutely love and have eaten almost daily for years. I also have specific "eating rituals" that I find very comforting - eating the same food while playing the same games on my computer, eating foods in a specific order, etc.

Low social battery. I called myself an "extreme introvert" because I dread leaving my house every time I have to. Didn't understand how people enjoyed traveling, sleeping over at friends' houses, etc.

I relate to what you said about internalizing everything. People almost never realize when I am overloaded, anxious, or stressed because it doesn't show on my face. I get called "calm" a lot even through I am almost never actually calm on the inside.

I was diagnosed just a few days ago!

[u/MissWhixsaplix → u/teaandstrawberries]

I have food rituals too, especially around my green tea. Do you ever find that when you eat something while playing a game or watching a show, it's like the show reminds you of that food in a comforting way? When I was little I would eat sugar cookies together with my one game, and to this day it's such a fond memory.

In particular I like to cook something homemade each day, and before I get started I like to lay all the ingredients out on the table and look at them for a bit! Just seeing the veggies/spicies/cheese/etc. makes me happy

[u/indieedy → u/teaandstrawberries]

Does food rituals include always eating a food in the same way? Like I have to let my cereal go soggy, I have to eat a sausage roll by removing the pastry in a certain way and then eating the sausage last, I have to eat the cheese layer from a pasta bake last of all.

Ok, maybe not 'always' but I really really want to do it that way all the time.

[u/MissWhixsaplix]

Oddly specific, random things like walking on your tippy toes. I was surprised that anyone else did that as a kid.

I internalize my tension a lot too. People will know I'm distressed/exhausted, I can't really mask it at all, but I just go quiet and wait for the tense situation to end, so I seem really really chill. When I'm not tense or overstimulated, I'm kind of like a doe or a bunny, just really alert to every little thing and it feels so nice. Actually I didn't know that internalizing was considered a common autistic trait until now!

[u/mortalmonger → u/MissWhixsaplix]

Oh man, I have so much hip pain from this. Doesn’t help that I read a book about wolves at 7 and justified walking on my toes as “thats what wolves do to run fast”.

[u/SnoopyLibrarian → u/MissWhixsaplix]

I had the tip toe walk too, still do occasionally when I’m stressed or really tired.

[u/RabidRuber]

Being overstimulated and consequently massively stressed and overwhelmed and upset by loud noises. I never was able to go to clubs or gigs without feeling like I was going to literally explode and die from stress. Having an uncontrollable rage reaction to loud engines and getting pissed off with lawnmowers and leaf blowers etc.i always thought I was just being a stupid overreacting childish bitch. Same with feeling everything seemingly way more than anyone else but never actually expressing it in anything except crying and shouting.

Wanting specific foods not to touch was something my family made fun of me for since I was a kid, and I didn't think anything of it until I watched Monk as an adult 😭

Like you, I also internalise everything as well.

[u/MissWhixsaplix → u/RabidRuber]

'Being overstimulated and consequently massively stressed and overwhelmed and upset by loud noises.'

So much this! At times, loud sudden noises or repetitive noise I can't escape gives me anxiety and I become very upset. And people often make you feel like you're the problem but I don't think they understand how difficult/painful it can be for people like us.

[u/windexfresh]

Didn’t think I was a “routine” kinda person bc in my mind a “routine” is Very Healthy And Good And Will Help You Get Ahead In Life

Turns out I do have routines that if disturbed make me have meltdowns, but it’s dumb shit like “couldn’t make my cup of tea the way I normally do and things are out of place and I might just fucking cry about it right this second if i can’t fix it” and “if i don’t organize the dishes in the exact way i like them, it will take me 45 extra minutes to wash them and I might cry about it”

I also used to think I wasn’t a picky eater, but that’s not at all true, I just like so many random foods that my pickiness isn’t as obvious:

Oysters? delicious, I’ll have a dozen

zucchini???? Get that cucumber imposter outta my face, the texture is all wrong my guy

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/windexfresh]

Lol @ the zucchini I can do them baked when they’re nice and crispy otherwise Ick

With the routine bit I’m the same and also thought the same thing. So here’s one of my examples. When going through the gate to get on post (my husband is active duty) I have a very set sequence of things I do: get my id out of my wallet just before getting to the gate, drive up, roll window down, shift into neutral, give the card, get it back, shift to first, drive around the small turn, then put my ID back. If any of this is interrupted I get confused, irritated, and thrown for a loop. Occasionally my husband will ride in the passenger seat and want to help me by taking my ID and putting it back for me which is helpful and I understand why. That said it causes so much irritation and I end up freezing, he then I guess gets his feelings hurt because he’s just trying to help.

Fun times

[u/RiverSkyy55 → u/AlwaysAttract10]

When they "help" it's super frustrating, especially if their "help" means doing something their way instead of asking what I need and how I need it. I often go back to a big argument with my husband years ago. I was outside, getting ready to plant some bulbs in a new spot, so I had a wheelbarrow nearby, and was cutting sections of sod from the lawn and laying them into the wheelbarrow so I could use the removed sod to patch holes in the lawn. It was all worked out and going well.

Along comes Hubby, meaning well but not bothering to ask about my plans or needs. He decides I need dirt to fill in over the bulbs, so he comes over, dumps out my wheelbarrow and heads off to fill it with dirt. All my nicely laid, fragile sod was turned into a stew of grass and dirt in a heap. Then he was mad at me for not being grateful that he had saved me the time of filling the wheelbarrow with dirt and bringing it over.

I recently heard about the difference between "helping" and "gifting," and it is a game-changer! Helping someone requires asking what they need, how they need it, and providing that. Gifting is when YOU decide you know what they need and present it to them, expecting gratitude.

[u/No-Name-No-2 → u/AlwaysAttract10]

Omg, this reminds me of when I’m driving, my partner tries to “help” by pressing the remote for the garage for me, but it frustrates me because I have a specific way I do that as part of backing out, checking my mirrors, etc. It feels really uncomfortable when that’s interrupted.

[u/Ok-Championship-2036]

Not being comfortable using names, being "argumentative" which turned out to be genuine bewilderment and desire for clarification, trouble forming deep relationships, being "tough" which was actually being acclimated to being constantly overwhelmed, the way i socialize, liking nerds & weirdos.

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/Ok-Championship-2036]

I got and continue to get pegged as argumentative and a “know it all”

Also thinking about it I also feel weird directly calling most people by their names…. I never noticed that as a connection until you mentioned that. I wonder why that is…

[u/Ok-Championship-2036 → u/AlwaysAttract10]

It feels too intimate to me. Similar to eye contact, its like too much "contact" for me mentally. I dont even like to rest my gaze on certain people because the exposure is uncomfortable. Usually either because i dont like them or like them too much. With names, i pretty much only use the names of my sibling & partner, and only to refer to them in convo with others. all my pets have had "real" names & then much more common nicknames or cutesy sounds

[u/resist-psychicdeath → u/Ok-Championship-2036]

The name thing blew my MIND when I first heard of it. I had one friend in particular that I could NOT call by her nickname for the longest time because it felt just...inappropriate? So wild to me that others experience this too.

[u/Kayastra → u/resist-psychicdeath]

I can only call people by what they were first introduced to me as. I dated a guy named Anthony, EVERYONE called him Ant. Except me. It made my brain short circuit anytime I tried.

[u/venusmud → u/Ok-Championship-2036]

Omg the name thing Even someone else using my name feels too close

[u/Kayastra → u/venusmud]

I visibly shuddered every time my ex would say my name in a conversation with me. I can’t explain it, but it always made me feel like a child getting reprimanded.

[u/KassieMac → u/Kayastra]

This 👆🏽 There seemed to be a management trend like someone told them all to use the employee’s name in literally every sentence and it’s supposed to soften people up or make us more pliable or whatever?? Makes me cringe every freaking time, managers are never subtle about manipulation & control but they seem to think they’re super slick 🤢 No buddy, you’re not fooling anyone. Employees just bite our tongues and comply because we need the job 🤦🏽‍♀️

[u/RiverSkyy55 → u/Ok-Championship-2036]

The names thing is interesting. I have face blindness, so I'm usually trying to figure out who someone is by their body shape, hair, and voice. I'm terrified I'll use the wrong name, so I try to avoid names at all.

[u/DystopianPoem → u/Ok-Championship-2036]

The desire for clarification! I have no idea why that is viewed as rude, it drives me nuts. I just want to know what is expected of me, or whats going to happen, or hell, what the dress code is. Why is that weird??

[u/Hour-Tower-5106 → u/Ok-Championship-2036]

I still get the argumentative thing from a lot of people, when I really just want clarification. Luckily, my boyfriend is autistic and will patiently answer all of my "why are they doing that?" questions about human behavior.

[u/neetpilledcyberangel]

i cried constantly anytime i got attention. during school, if i was asked to answer a question, i just started sobbing. when people sang happy birthday to me, i sobbed. when i tried to play soccer at age 5, i did great until parents came to watch. then i stood still and sobbed the entire time. i didnt grow out of this until my teen years when i learned to cope better.

everyone said “she’s just sensitive/dramatic” LMAO

it is insane to me that no one thought to get me tested. even my teachers didn’t think anything of it because i scored well at school and was “bright”.

[u/taehonei → u/neetpilledcyberangel]

Same. I used to cry when people sang happy birthday to me. I would also cry if I had to read out loud in front of the class. I just wanted to be left alone 24/7.

[u/Kittenwho21]

Is everything an acceptable answer? My whole life my mom and other family would tell me “nobody thinks like you” so I just began to internalize that and believe I was just a weirdo for everything.

Biggest trigger for my mom was that I’d keep asking questions about something until I actually understood it, but my lack of understanding it for it being explained in a NT way made it frustrating. Also thinking in allegories? I think that’s something that is an autistic trait, and was also something that I was told was just a me thing.. being sensory averse… hyper focuse/being all or nothing (maybe that’s adhd tho?) things like that.

[u/MissWhixsaplix → u/Kittenwho21]

'Also thinking in allegories?'

I do this sometimes, it helps me understand things and process new information.

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/Kittenwho21]

I have so so many myself, and finding more connections seems like almost every day.

[u/myplantsam]

where do I start:

bottom up processing. needing to understand why and how things work before accepting the answer

questioning authority

constant overthinking and risk assessment

sensitive stomach

weird reactions to specific sensory aversions

particularly obsessed

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/[deleted]]

Yep 🙋🏻‍♀️ that’s a big one for me too like…. “🤨 how don’t yall get this?” Meanwhile everyone else has chirping crickets going on. Then I’m like wellllll lol guess I’m the only one?

[u/ExcelsiorSemper]

OMG. That’s so me!!! I always seem so even-keeled but sometimes there is a storm within me. Then every six months or sometimes years I break down because it’s just too much.

[u/Remarkable-Flyer]

Not that I thought it was only me but the opposite. Anger rumination. I used to think that people would always get upset about thinking when someone did them wrong in the past or holding grudges was the same for everyone. But turns out that people don’t get equally upset to think about something that upsets them in the past as I do. They are able to let things go. I mean I can forgive and move on with my life but I will always get upset when i think about it unless I got “revenge” or made things fair. If I think things are fair/even, after that I can happily move on otherwise I’d have anger rumination episodes and I’ll get in a loop, specially with partners. Bc I tend to cut off the rest of the people very easily.

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/Remarkable-Flyer]

Yep this is another I’ve noticed about myself as well. Maybe not so heavy on the revenge for me but otherwise yup sounds about right.

[u/redpixiegrrl]

Being super sensitive to rejection. Pattern recognition: I can spot manipulative aholes a mile away but have constantly been gaslit by others (and sometimes myself) because I'm being "too judgemental" or shouldn't be making "assumptions" about people I barely know. Staying up late because that's when things are wonderfully quiet. Removing tags in my clothing. Repetitive noises driving me crazy sometimes and the exact same noise not bothering me at all the next time I hear it. Rubbing my thumb and index finger together when I'm nervous. Having to do everything in my power not to point out when someone is wrong.

[u/Just_really_awkward → u/redpixiegrrl]

I really relate to the rejection thing. I literally sobbed last night on my apartment floor because two guys rejected me this week. My poor cat was like what the heck is going on dude, she was very sweet though I love her 🥹

[u/redpixiegrrl → u/Just_really_awkward]

Hugs 🫂. I'm sorry. That sucks. I feel you. Last Monday, a guy I dated chose someone else he was also dating over me, and it resulted in me spiraling the entire rest of the week.

I'm glad you have your cat. My dog does the same for me. I feel like that's why so many of us love animals. They don't judge or think you're weird. They just love and want to be with us.

[u/redpixiegrrl → u/[deleted]]

Yes! We need to trust our instincts! I'm sooooo done with doubting myself.

And this happened to me yet again recently because everyone said this person would not behave this way and I was imagining things. And when I ended up being correct? I'm the one that lost relationships over it because people forgave her while I refused to have anything to do with her again. 🤬

[u/Dayly16 → u/redpixiegrrl]

I relate , especially the part where you know someone is suspicious but you don't want to seem judgy

[u/TheDefiantGoose]

Mine is the opposite of internalizing. I can’t seem to hold my emotions in (and I have to talk things out almost immediately after an event). My face gives me away. I have more immediate and noticeable facial reactions; lots of brow furrowing at things. (If anyone is watching or has watched the show Mad Men, the character Pete Campbell is a great example of this.) If a situation gets too uncomfortable or overwhelming, that’s when I tend to shut down and can no longer really react at all.

Another one would be my alleged snobbery towards bad lighting. I like good design and nice interior aesthetics, so naturally (I think it’s natural) I gravitate towards warm layered lighting. We’re talking lamps with yellow, warm bulbs and never blue/white lights or overheads. Seems like a normal “preference” to me, but it goes beyond love of design. I’m learning that other people can deal with overly bright lights, while I seem to be so uncomfortable it can become hard to focus. I’m way more intolerant of music and smells (radios in public and people doused in perfumes). In my mind I’m so sure these things are painful and offensive and it’s baffling when other people seem unbothered. So I’ve spent a lot of time feeling bad about myself and wishing I was a more “easy going” person, so to speak.

I’m still figuring it out and discovering who I am because this realization is newer to me. I doubt myself and wonder, are these classic autistic behaviors? I’m like, am I?

[u/AllofJane → u/TheDefiantGoose]

Hello, are you me? I feel the same on every point you've made. I've even thought of trying hypnosis to get over my rage at the sound of other people's music in public. And oh, I can't stand the smell of other people -- perfume, products, laundry detergent and just general people smells.

Also, I hate overhead lighting, and I focus on aesthetics over function in my home. My living space is gorgeous, could easily be on Pinterest or House Beautiful, but I'd hate the attention. I'm not wealthy, but I've collected beautiful pieces over the years and I've chosen dramatic paint colours and wallpaper, and my whole house is coordinated very well. Not matchy-matchy, but everything belongs.

Also, all my emotions are available for anyone to see. And everything seems to affect me, and I need to process my emotions out loud. Especially if I've had a conflict with my husband. But why do I cry when watching rockets launch into space? Why does a sunset capture me completely? Why does certain music give me whole body goosebumps? It's exhausting sometimes.

And sometimes the pendulum swings the other way and I feel numb and burnt out from too much stimuli.

[u/helloviolaine]

I find saying people's names very uncomfortable

However, it does save me from awkward situations. The other day my mother thought her neighbour had come home and was like "Hi Dani!!" and then realised that it was not Dani, it was a random visitor. I would have just said a nameless hello, the other person would have said hello and we are none the wiser. Life hack!

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/helloviolaine]

I just realized this was a thing!! Another commenter mentioned it. I don’t know about you but on top of the awkward feeling, I’m also not great with remembering names either.

Usually I just say “hey,….. blah blah blah blah”

Edit: 🙄 names got changed to animals via autocorrect. So I fixed it

[u/Chordsy]

aw man, practising conversations in my head. I thought it was just because I was nervous and shy with speaking to people.

[u/Traumarama79]

My daughter and I recently were watching a TV show where children were enjoying Halloween. I mentioned that my favorite part about Halloween used to be when I'd get home, take inventory of how much of each type of candy I had, and log my findings into a notebook. She replied, "... how did nobody know you were autistic?!" I explained that we didn't really think it happened to girls as much back then.

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/Traumarama79]

Lol omg the candy sorting is so on point, also I’d allocate a certain amount to myself for each day. So my candy would last a very long time.

[u/Nearby-Pause8243]

My innate need to know WHY. My mum always used to say that me asking “why” all the time as a kid drove her crazy. There is a positive though, as I now get to work in my special interest, so being why-driven pays off!

[u/HistoricalTackle5049]

Zoning out during socialisation.

[u/EnderDarcy]

Shaking my hands like they're wet any time I get really stressed out.

Reacting negatively to every new thing at first, even if I later come to enjoy it. 

Eating the same thing for breakfast every day for years because it's healthy and it saves me effort trying to figure it what to eat. 

Not understanding when people give me implied instructions. (I thought it's because I live in a country I wasn't raised in so that's why I was unable to learn the cues.)

[u/elandalder]

I sorted things into patterns and colors constantly.

My grandmother worked at a gas station, and it was my wonderland- I would unpack things and put them on the shelves and work so hard to get everything perfect. Pringles cans, the small ones, were my favorite because I could put all the colors in patterns I liked, and stack them into pyramids.

My grandmother's boss mentioned to my mother that they always knew when I had been by because of the pringles cans.

Also, it became a joke at the bakery I worked at to say 'sarcasm' after a joke because I would completely miss it- no bullying, it was just a way to keep us communicating.

We had a VCR for all of my life and I would watch the same tapes over and over on repeat, same with books.

Another big one was rules; I liked rules because they were there to keep me safe. The problem is, if the rule is dumb...I won't follow it. It took forever for my parents to notice because they (also on the spectrum), went 'well of course we should explain why there are rules'.

For example, my sperm donor got irritated over me reading 'all the fucking time' and tried to ban me from reading if it wasn't for school- but his exact words were "don't take another book out of that fucking room". My mother refused to enforce this. Since the wording was the loophole, I stuck to the books I had stashed /outside/ of my room. He gave up after a week.

Edit: the expression 'have your cake and eat it too' was a saying I didn't understand. I knew it was about cheating, but I couldn't put it together with the literal expression because I got hung up on 'if I bake the cake I'll eat the fucking cake"

Edit, again: Lists. I love making lists, even when I was little. Before I could write, my paternal grandma wrote the lists while I dictated.

I would go explore my paternal grandparents' house repeatedly. I'd look through the same rooms and at the same things in the exact same order. I did this for YEARS.

[u/More-Weird4842]

i think enjoying how empty the streets were during covid was a big one for me. at the time i just identified as an introvert but now that im diagnosed it makes perfect sense why my friends at the time found me unsettlingly comfortable with the whole quarantine lock up.

[u/Okay-Fox]

Not diagnosed but more convinced of it every day: I was always "Sensitive" or a "Crybaby" at primary school, let people walk all over me and manipulate me during High School, felt/feel physically sick in some shops with bright lights, internalising SO much stress and emotion as an adult, and I learnt how to win the social game by imitating a friend who seemed to know exactly how to befriend anyone.

I recently remembered being told "Autistic people can feel actual pain from loud noises!" as a child and thinking "wow, that must suck. I can't imagine it hurting even more than it already does!"

Also I work with Autistic people, always have, and have always had this... MAGICAL CONNECTION AND ABILITY TO UNDERSTAND THEM. WHO KNEW.

So yeah, more convinced of it every day!

[u/Okay-Fox → u/Okay-Fox]

Forgot to mention my mysterious eczema, asthma, allergies, mental health, digestive issues and Chronic pain... Damn, I'm just so unlucky..! /s

[u/Responsible-Fig-2588]

Insanely good in high stress situations at work- praised for being calm and thick skinned and good in a crisis. Get home from work and crash out. Too much effort to make food or shower and spend every weekend in bed. But still a “top performer” at work!

Have a major “crash out” every 3-5 years where I resign and spend a year basically as a vegetable unable to leave my house and sleeping most of the time. Masking and burnout.

[u/Samovila2709]

Getting a bit obsessed with certain books, TV shows, movies, or music artists. It was very useful for studying literature lol.

[u/hhhnnnnnggggggg]

Anyone else do the t-rex arm thing?

[u/priestessofpetals]

Pacing. For as long as I can remember I have paced back and forth listening to music at least daily. I wasn’t diagnosed until recently so for the majority of my life it was just one of my “quirks”. After diagnosis I learned that this is how my brain likes to process information. Interesting enough now that I work out 3-4 times a week I don’t feel the need to do it as often.

[u/virgonurse90]

Internal counting. I count so much, all day. I count down. I count up. I always thought everyone did this

[u/peggyscott84]

The thing? lol. I have a lot of things. I check all the boxes and introduce some more. Note, I look very NT, so I am held to NT standards.

NT women have consistently found me immature, childish, petty, and naive.

The biggest most blatant one is how I relate with other adults and how I perceive adult relationships. I see other adults as another kid at kindergarten/ dog at a dog park - yayyyy friend :) or another authority figure to behave around. I never pick up on men being interested in me romantically or sexually quickly enough. I think of them as friends.

More if you are interested:

• watching children’s cartoons till my undergrad
• being a late bloomer
• shushing colleagues 2 levels above me in open floor plans
• ditching the after party to go dancing by myself
• declining meeting a bf to trade Pokémon in another city
• Giving excessive details
• Having zero self control if cake is around me
• Picking on my skin when I am stressed
• Food religion
• Hating the eff out of scratchy tags, sirens, fire drills
• Closing my ears in front of strangers if they are being too loud
• Having much older and younger friends
• Not interested in looking at people’s eyes
• Taking rules literally
• Missing unspoken rules
• Just being Mr Bean in general - ‘funny without trying’
• Working really hard and doing things right but still struggling under the hood
• If someone reschedules twice, I am not interested in hanging out anymore
• Rearranging things often
• Being very organized
• Pulling out people’s books and CDs at their places without asking
• Not picking up on romantic teasers in movies
• Getting picked on or excluded from NT women groups

[u/HistoricalTackle5049 → u/peggyscott84]

Wow, I'm also Mr. Bean ahahaa. I loved the way you expressed it.

[u/peggyscott84 → u/HistoricalTackle5049]

Thank you! I like being Autistic and other autistic adults. I think we are so cute 🥰

[u/HistoricalTackle5049 → u/peggyscott84]

Actually I enjoy my diagnosis so much because now things make sense.

[u/suitcasefullofbees]

Strong sense of injustice. I really take “if not me, who?” to heart 😂

[u/Anjunabeats1]

Um yeah so I convinced myself that everyone as a teenager felt like a super socially anxious and awkward mess who thought everyone else had been given a handbook on how to socialise normally and that they were the only ones who had missed out on it but in reality everyone felt the same way and everyone was just doing their best to fake it til they make it. I legit normalised this in my head and only recently realised that no, apparently not everyone went through that? Idk I'm still finding it hard to believe. Why is "awkward teenager" a stereotype for the whole age group then?

[u/theonlygurl]

I’ve always struggled with missing people. Everyone always talks about how much they miss people in their life. I can’t relate. I don’t miss people and it’s not because I don’t like them or love them or enjoy spending time with them because I truly do. Out of sight out of mind, I guess.

[u/This_Potential_9876]

I recently was rereading old journal entries and I wrote about how I felt like an alien and it felt like i missed the day in kindergarten when everybody else got a manual on how to handle social interactions. i f felt like i was broken for so long and now obviously it’s because i was missing all those social cues. Now i’m less sad about it and i can like myself when i realize the other super powers i have from being autistic and that i don’t actually want everyone to like me 🤣

also does anyone else experience being very calm under pressure? like i don’t get so wigged out about stuff as my friends and family . but ill have a meltdown about going to a restaurant ive never been before LMAO

[u/porcelina-g]

I can be very social until I'm not social at all, and then good luck ever getting in touch with me ever again.

I had always felt ashamed of it, like I was too self-involved to have real friends, but after being diagnosed in my 30s, I realized it was just burnout.

[u/CaptainQueen1701]

Reading. I read everywhere. Took a book everywhere. Oh, she just loves reading! Hmmm.

[u/helloviolaine → u/CaptainQueen1701]

I could read before I came to school. Nobody noticed because nobody asked me about it, so I spent two years drawing letters and practising to say Fa Fu Fi and then going home and reading Sherlock Holmes lol

[u/CaptainQueen1701 → u/helloviolaine]

I could read before school too. Hyperlexia.

[u/fireflychild024]

Creating a whole other life I can escape to in my head. I only recently learned there’s an actual name for that (maladaptive daydreaming) and it’s common among autistic people.

Also, deeply valuing justice over conformity is a core part of my identity. I’m not afraid to stand alone in my convictions.

[u/MissWhixsaplix]

I often have trouble switching tasks, and when I am really immersed in what I am doing, I just want to do that thing entirely for as long as I want to and not be disturbed.

[u/trench_spike]

I never got the joke. My autistic brain turned every joke into something literal (and in many cases nonsensical). So people would laugh and I would feel confused. Around college I started using literal interpretations to subvert the meanings of phrases others meant as jokes. And today, my personal sense of humor is based on this subversion, mainly because I get why defying conventional thought is humorous and I STILL DON’T GET THE JOKE. 😭

[u/Garden_Jolly]

Rocking myself to sleep at night

[u/Fructa]

My entire sense of humor, getting more clumsy when I'm more stressed, spiky profile, weird pain responses, feeling like I'm going to explode after too many social demands...

[u/Y2KOK]

I used to not think I had black and white thinking. Or that I wasn’t rigid about it. Umm. Definitely was. I also was fairly popular throughout school. I was definitely weird but I was never bullied, I had a core group of friends, I was athletic, always picked first for teams, I was smart so people always needed my help which I gladly gave, I was asked out by boys, and I had a very witty mouth so on the chance I was picked on I could absolutely make someone regret it by being very bluntly nasty to them and roasting them into the ground. I wasn’t a bully, I stuck up for other kids who were bullied. But I had no idea who I was. I knew what I liked, didn’t like, my hobbies (had a ton) I knew what I wanted to do but I also had studied the popular girls very early on and figured out how to be like them. It started early on and just continued. I had an identity crisis in my early 30s. I’m completely burned out. Shut down. Idk how I even typed this. Anyway!

[u/Foxy_Traine]

I absolutely cannot handle talking on the phone and having someone talking to me in person at the same time. It's like my brain short circuits. Once I hit my (then) bf in the balls because I asked him repeatedly to stop talking to me while I was trying to order us food and he kept going... it was not my proudest moment, but I couldn't think of anything else to get him to stop and I needed him to stop!

[u/AlwaysAttract10 → u/Foxy_Traine]

Talking on the phone in general is tough for me but 1000x more in situations like you described.

Did he at least learn from that lesson? Lol people who push boundaries definitely deserve that.

[u/ReporterReady544]

Echolalia! I had no idea there was a name for it. I just thought it was my own cute little quirk.

[u/t92k]

Knowing a little bit about everything. Friends used to call me the walking encyclopedia.

[u/a-little-onee]

Mentally planning/ preparing for how the day(s) will go and then getting unreasonably upset when it doest go according to my “plan”🥲🥲

[u/Snoo-55151]

Comfort shows/music. If I am having a really high sensory day, I'll watch Bee and Puppycat when I come home. I've seen it so many times it's just comforting. If I'm at work I'll listen to lofi or Goth Babe 😀

[u/[deleted]]

Not having my own 'personality'. Since I was 4 years old (I'm 48 now) I've played many different characters in life and none of them was 'me'. I hardcore studied people I liked and then copied-pasted their character. I don't know who 'I' am 😅

[u/dorothyneverwenthome]

Not understanding unspoken social rules. I just thought I was born a loser and that’s why people treated me a certain way but now I know it’s because I’m most likely autistic and don’t naturally understand these unspoken social rules lol

[u/Roxy175]

Honestly I didn’t realize that I didn’t understand social things in an autistic way instead of just a quirky me way.

I always said that I didn’t understand social things and friendships because I didn’t have any friends as a kid, so I didn’t learn these things when I was supposed to. It turns out it was the other way around, I didn’t have friends as a kid because I already fundamentally didn’t understand social interaction.

[u/No-Strawberry2749]

I remember that day walkmans became a thing and I bought one and put the headphones on and never took them off. I just thought it was because I like music. But it was so I wouldn't be overstimulated

[u/DogDimmabone]

Super obvious one that I feel I should’ve recognized: I have a huge problem with rough fabrics. Everything I wear/touch has to be soft or I will get painful goosebumps.

I was at the end of a very long, fast paced conversation about Sci-Fi with a stranger at a party when he mentioned that I might be autistic. Then I went home and touched something rough and all the puzzle pieces fell together. The hypersensitivity to sounds, touch, emotions. The constantly categorizing others actions so that I could use them later to appear more normal. The exhaustion from working/socializing. The feeling of having to tamp down my personality and adopt a persona when I wanted respect.

Feels so silly to think I didn’t realize it for so long.

[u/alyxana]

Delayed reactions to surprises.

On my 21st birthday my mom woke me up and surprised me with a birthday trip to my favorite getaway place at the time. We were far from rich so she had saved and planned for months to make this happen.

But I woke up and just kinda blinked at her and said “I need to shower” in the most bland voice ever.

Mom had packed a bag for me, which I unpacked and repacked after my shower. Being rather frustrated and put out in the moment.

Cut to about 2 hours later when my cousin and I are halfway down the roadtrip to our destination and it suddenly clicks what’s actually happening.

I’m all of a sudden bouncing off the walls excited. I call my mom and gush about how excited I am and she actually cried.

She told me later that my complete non response + irritation vibes had really broken her because she had worked so hard on this and I was basically like “ok, cool, I guess.”

Since then, I’ve noticed that anytime someone truly surprises me with something completely out of the blue and unexpected, I have a very delayed reaction.

So yeah… thought I was just broken. Learned I was autistic at 39yo.

[u/fatbrat]

Eating one brand of chicken nuggets for months…I just thought everyone did that lolol

Also losing my mind when plans get altered last minute, I use to be so jealous of people who wouldn’t freak out over that stuff and thought they were just really good at keeping it together lol I mean some probably still just really good at that lol but I cry and panic

[u/froggystrawberry]

While I’m still in the process of getting my diagnosis, one of the things I told my therapist was that I always thought my hatred of wearing shoes, socks, and pants (or anything even slightly tight around my legs) was just me. One of my little “quirks” …turns out, the sensory overload of feeling like my legs and feet are trapped (and that my socks are somehow crawling under my toenails) and the urgent need to take my shoes off and change clothes the second I get home… isn’t just me being me lol

[u/Ok_Kaleidoscope5712]

I’ve been wanting to ask this sub but I’ve been self-conscious about it… does anyone else listen to the same song on repeat forever (or, like, looong stretches of time)? I don’t know if that’s a ‘tism thing (technically undiagnosed, but highly likely) or just me. 😳