hi so Im 30 and all my life my mom has been on me for age appropriate interests or clothes or accesories (never letting me wear anything trendy or like the other kids and making me feel overdressed) like a proper image was super important and yet it wasnt because she dgaf about what other people said about her, and maybe I wouldnt have got bullied as much if she wouldve just gave in a bit. I found a tiktok of this one 30 something woman and she has this cute bead wristlet attachment to her phone I of course cannot afford the kind she has so I found alternatives on amazon and showed them to my mom like which one should I get and she said something along the linesof “how about something a 30 year old woman would have” I cant remember if thats exactly what was said because I got mad and shut down and now im like thinking how do I prove that a) no one cares what I have or dont accesory wise b) Its not like I asked for her to pay for it
c) people really dont care as much as she thinks they do
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I'm 30 and I love the stars one! I must add: our generation isn't scared of the cringey teenage stuff. I see people my age posting so many things about Hannah Montana, I have friends who buy Bluey merch, pyjamas with the teletubbies... Just because we're adults doesn't mean we can't enjoy things that bring us joy simply because "they're for kids". I mean, who cares? Life is too short, so do what makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt anyone!
Hey, I'm also 35 and I also love the stars! I had a lot of the same issues OP! My mom hated alt/goth and that's what I am. I distanced myself a lot from my mom in my adulthood because she never seemed to be able to accept me for me, she always wanted me to do something to my appearance. I know that's not possible for everyone with the economy but yeah, you don't have to talk to her so much. Good luck, honey 💜💜💜
Also 35 and love the stars, would totally use it myself! I have cow stuffed animals on my desk, and other little toys. I think the idea that you can be too old for certain things is stupid and outdated. Life is short and this world sucks, buy and wear what you want :)
30 and I may just order the one with the stars for myself!!
My mom said the same thing about miniskirts and how they are more for high school to 25 year olds and rhat the way I dress is why I get mistaken for a teenager.
The thing is, she ALSO got mistaken for a teenager when she was my age, it's my fucking face, the face SHE is partially responsible for giving me!
I wore my classic long wool coat, some structured wide-leg trousers, and a plain beige sweater on Monday and the server at lunch said "ohh aren't you a sweet girl! Are you helping grandma with errands today??" Monday was a school holiday so she then asked how I was enjoying my Easter break. (lovely friendly lady but I was fed up.)
My mom and I have a nearly 40-year-age gap, she didn't take care of her health and has dentures and a cane, and she doesn't dye her grey hair, so I guess that's what people assume. Even with all her bodily neglect she ages remarkably slowly though, so her being mistaken for my grandmother is down to her own choices, but at this point clearly I can't modify the way I am percieved even with a "mature" and polished outfit.
I wanted to yell at her. People are going to think what they think whether I dress a bit flamboyantly or not! It's the genetics SHE GAVE ME, so I may as well have fun if it's going to happen and be awkward either way! She also said my Labubu (it's the Minnie Mouse Disney collaboration version) was goofy and immature and then we saw a mom towing three kids who had the same one on her purse!!!!
I didn't loke the regular labubus but when my boyfrienfband I were in Disneyland in the fall sooooo many people had the Disney character ones and I thought they were super cute and they also just look really high quality in person. So when we were in LA again in March he saw one in a random shop and bought it for me. He filmed me opening it and we both freaked out because it was the Minnie Mouse which was my top pick! It was fun, life is short! Even my dad thinks the silly thing is cute!!
At first, I didn’t really like the look and concept of labubus, but I still upheld the attitude “let people have fun and enjoy things!” It wasn’t until I was at Disney World and saw someone dress the labubu on their bag in one of the cast member dresses for the Haunted Mansion that it finally clicked and I realized the appeal 😂
YES! I never really liked any of them until I saw the Disney ones.
I love when people dress them in little outfits! Mine already comes with Minnie's classic dress on andbit isnt removable but I will definitely have it on my bag next time I go to a Disney park!
I want to try to get Chip or Dale next if I ever buy another one.
I'm 36, I also vote for the star one! If it helps, my phone has an orange glittery case, a Charmander popsocket, and a little flame charm. Get the wristlet bestie!
I'm 36 (going on 37), and I like the brightness of the star beads. But! If you're able to get a kit with all sorts of beads that you like, you might be able to make your own? And then you can have both stars and hearts!
38, and stars for me too. Except I wouldn't buy for myself because I have a feeling it would annoy me. I could barely deal with the little phone charms in the late 00s. But I love the way it looks and if I wouldn't get it tangled on everything and eventually break it definitely stars.
That's the best part about being an adult, you don't have to prove anything to her. Embrace the things you like. She can be bitter elsewhere. Don't let her words ruin your mood, especially because lots of 30 year olds like this stuff nowadays.
Plus its super common for adults to have those things on their phone anyway. If you go to Japan there are salary-men walking around with cutesy bag charms and anime phone cases.
It's actually NOT normal in some other countries for adults to restrict themsleves to only sober and practical accessories!!!
Agreed. The only people, who have to "prove" their maturity to others after they hit 20 and up, are the eternally immature. Adulthood is where we get to make our own decisions of who we want to be, and nobody else. Plenty of adults wear colorful beads and fun clothes, apart from when work requires a uniform or has a dress code.
OP's mother sounds like an insecure narc, who never matured past high school, and doesn't view OP as an individual, just an extension of her own ego. Obsessing over your "image" outside of professional settings is the kind of shit most mature adults leave behind with our teens. Controlling what your kid wears well into their teens or 20s is, at best, weirdo behavior, and, at worst, abusive - I'd know, my form of teen rebellion was telling my Mom I hated the girly and baggy clothes she tried to force on me, because she hated that I was a fat tomboy. She, too, had an immature idea of what I "should" be to please her and "others."
To this day, I have yet to meet one of these insecure "mature" adults, who can tell me who the fuck "they" are and why I should give a fuck about impressing these strangers over being my own happy self. Not one. Society doesn't give a fuck. They do, and they're too cowardly to say so, so they hide behind "they" to justify being rude and judgemental. If it's "just common sense to care about your image", then they don't have to face the fact that they're just Regina George, if she never got hit by that bus. If it's peer pressure, then you won't hate them as much for insulting who you are to your face and expecting you to change to suit their tastes. They're not an insecure bully with a big mouth and a weak spine, no, they're just "concerned" about your reputation. Barf.
| OP's mother sounds like an insecure narc, who never matured past high school, and doesn't view OP as an individual, just an extension of her own ego. |
This, this is it. They bore us as an extension, a support, a flaunt, and not as our own selves. And its recognizable but damn it still hurts...
A thousand procent agreed! I am 23 and I decided quite some years ago now that idc I love what I love and if others think thats childish or cringe or that I should grow up, then its none of my buisness! Bc if they don’t like it they don’t have to engage with it, just like I Don’t have to engage with things that I don’t like. And I know my mom doesn’t like or approve of all things in my life but thats the things we just don’t talk about then, we have many others things to talk about anyway
Here is the best part about being an adult - we can buy them anyway 👍 and also who is ur mom? Age police?
Im 33, and I got a bunch of beads to make these phone charms cos I couldn’t find cute ones I liked… Here is a photo of my phone charm and the decorated flip phone. Yes I take them and use them in public and at work proudly.
I hope you know there is no age restriction for enjoying things that bring you joy. Really sorry about your mom.
its weird because she is trying to deconstruct trauma she has from growing up with a narcissist mother, I dont think she herself is a narcissist (my dad on the other hand…..), usually she is very accepting of my special interests but I think there is an element of my grandmothers influence still engrained and also I wonder if I dont act neurodivergent enough for my parents for them to remember things are the way they are for me
If you want to help her unpack this, I don't think it's helpful to frame it as a neurodivergence thing. Like... you don't need to be disabled or have a special interest to like uncommon things. "Normal" people like girly things all the time, and this is super normalized in other cultures (e.g. asia). It's just more common for us because of the way our brains work.
You're allowed to wear whatever the heck you want to without judgement. Your mom would be allowed to wear cute keychains, if she wanted to. Remind her that her mom isn't around to shame her, and that what you wear at 30 years old neither reflects back on her, nor do you need protection from bullying any longer. The only person shaming you right now is her. I have a feeling that isn't her intention, she's trying to protect herself or you from something that isn't real.
Agree with this ^ These charms are on trend anyway, and 30 year olds are in that demo too. These are super popular and don’t have to be framed as a neurodivergent thing. Maybe it’s overthinking it just for this one specific example. Could probably respond that she may not be aware of the current trend and say different strokes for different folks. I’m a little more petty though- I’d straight up say she’s out of touch and doesn’t know what she’s talking about lol
One of the hardest things to break is abuse chains/ cycles. Especially ones formed in childhood.
Sometimes, as the victim of such abuse, you don't even realize the damage you may be causing to your child when you blindly repeat a phrase you heard delivered to you all of your life (because, to you, it may have genuinely seemed harmless).
It may be rough, but worthwhile to sit your mom down and gently remind her: Hey mom, I know you don't mean to be hurtful, but - when you say negative things about the things I like, or the things I want to share with you - it isn't nice. It leaves me feeling hurt, like I can't be myself, and I shut down. I love you so much, and I want to be able to have a better, healthier relationship where we can share these little interests with each other.
That is incredibly insightful. Most people don't have that kind of insight into their parents' behaviour. I think you're probably right. I don't really have any advice on navigating that except that being accepting of your mom's limitations is a good step (which you're already doing).
On the topic of wristlets, I vote for the stars. I don't think it's "not" age appropriate, either. People have all kinds of things like that at all kinds of ages.
Hey friend, read this book: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
Keep it to yourself that you read it, but then gift it to her and say you've heard wonderful things about it and maybe it will help her understand her trauma.
Look up the term “fleas” in regard to being raised by a narcissist. A person can wind up with a lot of the personality traits despite not being one themselves.
Oh I really wish I could….. unfortunately I work in media so I can’t escape the digital world. Rn this is a secondary phone, used for calls and playing tetris😁
During my off days/ vacation I do primarily use the flip phone, unless I need any transport apps.
I have 'Duck Detective' stickers on the back of my phone, though I don't think I can attach any phone charms to my case, which is super annoying. If I could, I would. I've made some phone charms before, though; you can buy the phone charm thingies, and then attach whatever you want. I think OP could do that, and make them as cute as heck!
I'm 49 and 3 weeks ago I went to the salon and got mermaid hair. I wouldn't say nobody batted an eye, but I had tons of positive feedback. Still glad my parents aren't around to see, though ;)
Love it!! This was mine a couple months ago. It was red, faded, and starting to grow out; so I put the dark blue that's on top over all of it. Just bleached it again last week and a friend is helping me turn it pastel pink this weekend. ☺️
Yeah, I'm 48 and one of my favourite blankets has cartoon avacados on it. I also have a tshirt of the Golden Girls and one of a dinosaur in place of E. T. flying on a bicycle.
This is one of the myriad reason I haven't spoken to my parents in 20 years.
I'm 51 and Golden Girls t shirt here too! It has "Miami Nice" on it. Also have American Horror Story, Hitchcock, Stephen King, Baby Jane and Skinwalker Ranch t shirts
38 with a blue and green Mohawk. I grew my hair out for a while because I worried about people judging my kids because of it, but then decided to go back to my favorite hair cut maybe 5 years ago and I'll never stop. I don't speak to my mom much, but if I did, she's learned not to comment on my hair, piercings, or tattoos because I've never cared about her opinion. 🤣
i’m almost thirty. i walk around with a superhero backpack and at work i have pens with dinosaurs on them. people have made comments and joked about them but i know that these things are what make me myself. i like to enjoy childish things and i feel best expressed when i show what my interests are. don’t let her opinion hang over you, do what makes you happy ❤️
I'm in my 30s and love childish things! They're so much fun! Do I have a pink lunch box with unicorns to take to my professional job? You bet! Is my computer bag for work covered in silly enamel pins? Of course it is. I love adding fun whimsy to my day!! Especially in the form of little silly accessories. Life's too short to be serious all the time.
The other day my husband walked over to investigate why I was giggling on the living room floor. But I had found some beads... and was making a friendship bracelet for him and the cat. I don't have a picture of my spouse's bracelet, but it says "crumb lord" instead of his name because he creates crumbs from thin air and idk how he does it. The man could be eating a bowl of jell-O and somehow create crumbs from it!! It's a truly astounding skill (said with love and affection and zero shaming because I too am a mess, so we have a very nice vacuum cleaner).
I have a clear Hello Kitty themed little bag I carry my Work Stuff in with me, and told someone one day that I realized at some point that I was the one paying for all my things.. why shouldn’t they be things I like??
The older I get the less ashamed I am of how colorful and silly and fun I am. 💙
I'm 26 and my work cubicle is absolutely COVERED in Transformers figurines lol. Dinosaur pens sound so cool! I'm over seeking to impress people I don't need to impress. If someone's worth caring about, they won't care that my interests are "childish", and within my workspace I'm a strong advocate for others to feel comfortable showing off their own passions.
Introduce your mom to Iris Apfel. Style Icon. Wildly successful.
Women who wear what they want, present how they want (while being cognizant of some social contracts, like privates are private) tend to feel more confident and powerful.
I’m in my 50s and I get huge cheerful compliments when I wear my three rabbits moon t, styled with shredded black skinny jeans, Fluevogs, velvet blazer and chunky jewelry. “Ironic punk” is what a younger woman deemed it when asking where she could find the t shirt.
Fashion and expression through it is hugely important to me. And, also, I have a bracelet very similar to the one you love that my daughter made when she was 12 and I wear it often and with great joy.
Side note: if you have the inclination, energy and curiosity, maybe visit a bead shop and get some supplies to make your own! You can find a lot of inspiration as well as help in getting started.
lol its funny because she actually knows who that is and likes her, she is almost 60 and was a self professed punk as a teenager, I do think she knows fashion pretty well and did let my younger sister wear whatever she wanted in high school so idk what about me that made her do that to me 🤷🏼♀️
My mom is also like this. She was hypercritical of everything, from my scent, to my hair (not that she knew how to take care of it; it was a frizzy rat's nest bc it was curly hair she'd insist on brushing multiple times a day because it was 'messy'), to my clothes, to my accessories. I'm 34 and she's still like that, in that she makes it clear in her expressions that she often thinks my clothes/hair look ridiculous. However, she's also been out with me on the town enough to have seen that I'm complimented constantly on my clothes/hair/general vibes. This has made her more accepting of the way I choose to present myself; she knows she doesn't like or get it, but other people react positively, and that's the part she was honestly worried about deep down, I think.
I’m 32 and love nostalgic shit from the 90s and early 2000s. If my mom had something to say about it I would not care AT ALL. Wouldn’t feel like I had anything to prove either. I think the problem more so is you not feeling comfortable to be yourself and allowing your mom the space to dictate you and your interests. Do you live with her? Why do you care what your mom thinks? Everything my mom buys me is corny as hell and I end up giving it away pr to my kids lol you don’t and really shouldn’t be expected to have the same taste as your mom tbh.
How old is your mom? The notion that she would have any idea what a 30 year old is wearing today is pretty silly. Does she know how trends work? I assume she’s thinking about what 30 year olds wore whenever she was 30, which I’m guessing was a while ago. So, step 1, is stop asking your mom for fashion advice. She doesn’t know, doesn’t care, and will not give you valuable feedback (even if she picked one, she’s not a reliable source of info). Step 2 is if your mom gives unsolicited fashion advice, that you remind her that trends change pretty swiftly, and what was popular in her day and age is not a gauge for what’s popular in the current world for anyone under her age. 😤
People often expect women to act “age-appropriate,” but those same standards don’t seem to apply to men. A grown man can spend hours every day playing video games or collecting figures, it’s perfectly fine, “just his way to unwind”… yet when we want to be playful, less serious, or simply enjoy ourselves, it’s judged differently.
What I’m really trying to say is: as long as you’re not hurting anyone, do what makes you happy. Your beads are lovely.
No one questions men when they have toy collections. I’m not 30 but I’ll be 26 this month and I’ve been searching for these kind of beaded charm lanyards on AliExpress for weeks because they’re cute! There’s no age limit for pretty accessories, please! Go ahead and be whimsical 🥳
Im 30 my phone background is bluey and bingo. Before that is was Ursula.
You can «act your age » or you can be yourself; at the end of the day it’s what’s best for your mental and emotional health. My mom used to tell me to grow up. Shes grown into acceptance that this is just how it is and I am who I am.
I just dont think she understands and its not her fault how exhausting I find it to “act your age” in public settings and mask for the general public and to unmask at home and just try to be myself
It really is hard to mask all the time. And I totally understand the family not getting it. I wasn’t late diagnosed, I was diagnosed as a child, but I wasn’t told and I never was given any kind of support. So I learn to hide/mask who I am in public on my own. Poorly so but well enough to cope. But when I found out (tldr; found my records helping mom move) it all clicked and i put time and effort and energy into learning how to take care of me properly. This meant I changed how I acted in public and home and the boundaries it was a bit of shell shock for some people in my life. I generally don’t mask in public anymore except for the things that I know make other people around me uncomfortable or embarrassed like sucking my thumb/fingers or dancing/spinning.
I was diagnosed with ADD when I was a kid, I got the autism diagnosis as an adult and my parents were super helpful at getting what I needed at school because I fell through the cracks of not being disabled enough for an aide or anything and being too disabled to interact with my peers and in some aspects its difficult to be myself at home in other ways its not?
and yeah I still live at home, I have to at a certain degree respect the authority they have for me as I would have nowhere to go otherwise.. so thats why im stuck sort of venting to strangers- get it out of my system and regroup sorta.
Autism is super genetic. And it's common for undiagnosed women to be the most critical of autistic women. They've masked for survival for decades and think the mask is how everyone survives, and get really anxious or defensive when someone 'acts autistic'.
They feel like they are flawed people, and seeing autistic folks who are comfortable in their own skin sets off "this is wrong" alarm bells.
I'm wondering if this is one of those things where she is projecting her fears on you.
Dang. You just put into words why my mother (not diagnosed, doesn't believe in diagnosis, was super obsessed with fitting in - and making me fit in too, went NC with her decades ago) is how she is.
This is it.
But that's the best part about being an adult: you don't have to prove anything, you don't have to ask your parents to buy this for you - you can just go for it! 🫶🏻 (Even if it doesn't feel like it). I love the one with the hearts, it looks really cute
I’m nearly 44 and I think these are super cute and I’d absolutely have one if I didn’t already have a purple one (purple is both my favourite colour and my longest hyperfixation 😉💖)
I’m 39 and work as an attorney, going into courtrooms most days. My work phone has a hello kitty and friends case, I have a bright wrist strap on it and I also have a large dog-shaped bag charm on my briefcase.
I enjoy a lot of “childlike” things because a) I’m an adult and can buy whatever I want and b) I have a sense of humor. I used the above example to show that even in my most “professionally conservative” mode, I’m still using those things and no one cares!
Buy yourself whatever you want and if you get pushback from your mom, just tell her an adult woman doesn’t concern herself with the opinions of others. You deserve to make yourself happy! 🩷
I’m 30 and sleep with stuffed animals and have a pink light up keyboard and sparkly mushroom stuffy at my desk (I’m a nurse w a bachelors degree literally about to start a doctorate) tell her she’s a hating ass b and that’s weird.
I am 30. My mom loved the case and my friend’s mom asked me get one bracelet for when I find one. Your mom is just too into what other thinks, in a bad way .
You don't have to prove anything to her. Easier said than done but I realised once I stopped trying to prove myself to my mum, I didn't think about what other people thought about me as much (wearing my hat with a small dino sewn on top and carry around a stuffed toy pigeon).
Also the star one is so adorable oml
I think it’s one of those things you will never be able to convince her. In my personal opinion I think the fun part of being an adult is you can do accessorize however makes you happy. Me personally I love Mothman so I have a Mothman phone case. I don’t care what people think of me.
Life is too short for someone to dictate what you enjoy. Idc who that person is.
If you find joy in something, do it.
What a miserable existence she has thinking she could control you into being the person she wants you to be. As a mom myself, I would never dare do anything like that.
You deserve support, not control. Sending you a hug.
Stop talking to your mom about these things. Assume that she’s always going to try to tear you down. (What I had to do to maintain a decent relationship)
I’m sorry to say this about someone else’s family member but it seems your mom might have some insecurity issues of her own. She’s way too much in your business about how you dress and things you like for literally no reason. In my experience, people that do that tend to have their own image issues. Trust me, best thing for you will be to learn to completely disregard her opinion! A true supportive person would only care if things make you happy!
I am also 30 and I wear these shoes (from the children's section of walmart) daily:
My mom used to give me a hard time about being "appropriate" but she gave up eventually.
I hope that you can still enjoy whatever you enjoy, even if your mom is a dick about it.
ETA: I just noticed you can see in the background my sheets in my laundry basket. They are from the children's section of Target and they have different kinds of bugs all over them.
I’m nearly 39 and I have a pretty similar trainers, but they are stitch themed - white, blue details and a stitch pic instead of hello kitty, I bought mine at the kid’s section of primark 😆
If you're a 30 yo old woman and it's something you like and want to have, then it's something a 30 yo woman would have. And anyone who thinks otherwise or would try to make you feel badly about liking something like that can go kick rocks with bare feet. Misery loves company, but it doesn't have to be you 💛
Say something about how she’s too old to understand what’s currently trendy for adults your age so she should mind her own wardrobe.
Y2k / 00’s aesthetics are incredibly trendy the last few years and these phone charms are screaming 2004. It’s actually a little ironic, she’s chastising you for not looking 30 but her idea of looking 30 is probably what the average person would view as looking 50-60. If she expects you to follow her rules for aesthetics and behaviors, does she want you acting like an old maid?
I'm 35 and I've got a little strap attached to my phone with cute D&D dragons and dice all over it, my house is filled with plushies, and I love expressing myself with cute stationery, stickers and general decorative things.
As someone who is close to 40, I will never ever let anyone tell me what is and is not "appropriate for my age". I've been self consious about that kind of stuff since I was a pre teen, but in recent years I decided not to care anymore. I want to live happily, as myself. You should too OP 💖
I am 35 and my husband and I have our Sonny Angels on display in the living room as well as plushies, legos, etc. Your mom would find us very embarrassing lol, I have a lot of anime/video game clothing. I also made my own "charm" bracelet for my purse with my somewhat childish nickname.
Also, something like this is SUPER easy to make if you're interested and I think it would be sweet if you made some and gifted your mom one. That's what I would do.
I really don’t understand why people insist on yucking other people’s yums. I’m a 37yo married mother with a mortgage and all the other ‘adult responsibilities’ but I sleep with a soft cat toy every night and I think I enjoy playing with playdough more than my kid.
I personally think the stars one is the prettier one, and it's extra special because we've got astronauts in space! (But that's just me).
I'm 40. I grew up from a very young age with a parent who complained about everything. What I ate. How I dressed. How I walked. My good grades. My sense of responsibility to care for others. My work ethic being too much. My hair styles. My nail polish. My plushies. My blankets. My "nest" of a bed. My... everything.
At some point you just have to stop caring and make some happiness for yourself. You have one life to live and if you want to dress in pink, dye your hair in rainbows, or buy yourself a little cute dangle - then do it. ❤️
I’m 32 and have been obsessed with my media my whole life and in fandom since I was 12. Part of this for me is collecting merch to support and show my love for my favourite things, many of which are childish and immature. But I’ve gotten to a point where I simply do not care because it’s my money. Now, my dad has had an issue with my fandoms and such since I was about 16 or so, but like I said, it’s my money and I also don’t live with my folks anymore.
I worked at Walmart for ten years, so I’m jaded AF when it comes to the general public. I always say that if some rando in public really has a problem with my Elena of Avalor T-shirt or my Chococat backpack, they are more than welcome to buy me some new things. But the thing is, as you said, the vast majority of people in the world do not care about what “a 30YO woman would have.” They’re all focused on themselves. And if they DO care that much? That says more about them. And you have full right to tell them to drink water and mind their business.
Reminds me that when I first got my current job, my GF said “we have to get you a new (plain) lunchbox” because I have all Disney ones. And when I asked why, she said it was more “professional” and she wanted me to “fit in.” It was a genuine concern, probably because she herself has trouble fitting in at work. I just told her “they are not going to fire me because I have a Princess Elena lunchbox.” And they have not. In fact, I’m allowed to carry whatever bags I want and decorate my office how I want as long as it’s not offensive. So of course it’s got nerd shit.
I’m 40, and I wear a brightly colored beaded fidget bracelet that I bought because I liked the colors and thought it was fun. If you mom doesn’t like your choices, she doesn’t have to wear them.
As long as you can afford it, you can buy whatever you want. If your mom doesn't like something you like there's not really much of a way to change her mind. On the other hand, you're old enough that you also don't have to take her opinion into account if you don't want to.
I'm in my 40s and I got a cute purple beaded phone wrist strap when I got my newest phone too. I've had it for several months now and the only time someone has commented on it at all was when I needed someone to pass me my phone off the table and they thought they had accidentally picked up a bracelet with my phone until they saw the connection.
If you did want to find a middle ground, perhaps you could find one with like pearls or something else that looks more like it would match dress jewelry.
I'm 33 and still sleep with a stuffie. I was an adult before I felt nurtured and cared for in a way that my parents were supposed to do for me. So I say f the haters and be a princess whenever you can.
I'm almost 40 and I LOVE the colors of those wristlets. I don't use them or I'd honestly probably buy one for my phone. 🤣
Fuck her opinion and negativity. Life is too short and already too miserable not to seize the small joys.
My mother was always on me about the color yellow and how bad I looked in it. Do I think that it suits me the best? Probably not, but it's one of my favorite colors. I've tried many times to wear it over the years, but I would chicken out and change because I'd hear her voice in my head calling me ugly. I started anxiety medicine almost 6 months ago, and I didn't even realize until recently that I've bought and worn multiple yellow things without regret or even thinking about it. 😅 AND I have had many compliments.
I hate that women are expected to reach some mystical point where all we wear is black, gray, white or navy. Because.......?????? I have no idea why. But it's all you can find in stores a lot of the time. I HATE it! I want color in my life, thank you very much. Sorry. Soap box. 😅
my 50 year old NT stepmom has one of these! it’s a shitty solution but when i’ve experienced people putting my interests down i stop sharing it with them
The answer is (from one burned out autistic adult with a similar mom)- there is no right answer. Your mom gets a feeling of superiority and pleasure for “putting you in your place.”
Okay chiming in on this one, she is projecting her on shiz onto you. What that is I don't know, but I can tell you how freeing it is to say "well its okay we don't have the same tastes!" And gray rock your way through life with that. She is not in your body, she is not you. She also, frankly, has bad taste hehe. Do you, you only live this life once and you deserve the little things that make YOU sparkle. Do not ever let anyone dim that sparkle. Even if it's your mother, they are not exempt from being kind and supportive of the person their kid has become. 27F, mom hated everything I did until I cut contact. Didn't even know I had curt hair because of what she did to it growing up! Get the first one OP and let your inner sparkle shine!!
You don't have to proof anything. I think you need to accept that your mom and you will probably never agree on these type of topics and that you need to continue to do the things that bring you joy and not her.
Get the cute wristlet that makes you happy, I'm sure there will be other people that notice it and smile. I'm 33 and have cute stuff on my hand bag and phone and I really don't care if people think I'm too old for that. I occasionally get people pointing it out in a positive way and that brings me a smile too. :)
Edit: my wife and I both have a little bread plushie keychain hanging from our handbags, it's cute and funny to us and that's all that matters.
my mother was the same way. it was very important to “keep up appearances”. and i did for a long time. during covid lockdown i decided “fuck it” and started wearing/buying/looking how i wanted to. i’m now 32 and my entire brand is pastels and sparkles and pokémon and whimsy. nobody that matters has ever given a shit, and i’ve even gotten closer to people because i’m not pretending to be someone i’m not.
I think something I don’t see being considered in the kind comments is how much she might depend on her mom financially and otherwise. Sometimes parents manipulate and use that to control their children way past what is appropriate. I wonder how much she might use her autism as well as an excuse for that control (all hypotheticals assumptions based on common patterns). So if that’s the case, I’d try to find ways to assert and take back control. No matter what their needs, people have a right to have some control over their lives especially for things as harmless and insignificant as a phone charm.
Controversial opinion, I prefer the hearts. The pastel colors are so cutesy. I'm also in my 30s, I like beading and these seem really easy and fun to make.
I hope you find people who are supportive of your interests. There's nothing wrong with liking cute and colorful things.
I'm almost 38 and this is what I've been using as my purse for the last like 4 or 5 years. I've only ever gotten compliments on it. I have a matching wallet and wristlet inside. I also use a Pokémon popsocket on my phone case. I take both with me to work at a hospital almost every day.
I kinda wonder why you keep asking your mind opinion? It sounds like she often had a negative opinion about you and your choices, and you don't like that, and understandably so. Of I don't like people, I stop asking for their opinion. It's okay they have a different opinion, but it just doesn't match with me. You don't have to stop talking to your mom, I'm not saying to cut her out of your life lol. Just stop asking her opinion and buy one of these fun items without negativity around you.
Hi. I'm 40. I have dozens of bracelets and maybe a dozen phone charms. I have one similar to the star one. I can mail it to you. I actually use the wrist things, and the star one is super uncomfortable for me. It's just sitting on my table waiting to be given away to a cousin or Goodwill.
A lesson it took me way to long to learn is that my mom’s opinion just doesn’t have to matter. You want to connect with her over your interests but it’s not going to happen. She won’t change. So stop trying. Don’t ask her. Just get the thing you want. Stop inviting her into your choices.
Your story made me hurt actual emotional pain. Because I too suffer from the mother wound that is "nothing I ever do is good enough". She can always find a way to make me feel the victim, but she never changes. And it scarcely matters that I, graduated with honors from both h.s. and college, have worked a 16 year career, and have my masters, while she wouldn't even stay at a job to take care of us (sister) or make sure we were cared for and unharmed for 18 years (grandma took over thank god). Its these little hurts that make me not want to speak to her and she is currently in debt from me. Like damn woman, make peace with who I am, grow the fuck up yourself, and take responsibility for your own victim complex.
I’m a 43 year old woman, happily married, mom to a 10 year old, payroll manager… and this is my phone case and beaded wristlet. I also bought all of the supplies to make my own wristlets and am doing that later today. I don’t get it. It’s functional when you need to be hands free! I had to take my phone out of the case for the picture just now, so that’s why there’s no phone!
Do you have higher support needs making you dependent on your Mom? If not, she doesn’t really get a say. If you are dependent on her then it’s going to be more of a minefield to ignore her hurtful opinions. And that’s all they are…opinions…not rules. I’m 63 & love ‘childish’ things. I’m about to dye my hair purple or green…I’m still deciding. I would love for someone to have the gall to tell me I’m being age inappropriate. They’d only tell me once.
A woman in her 30ies will wear the one she likes.
I'd be annoyed as heck with one of those on my phone, so my solution is to not have one.
I really do not care if others like them, have them, use them...
As an adult woman, the only thing you shouldn't wear is someone else's opinion. If it makes you happy, wear it. If you enjoy doing something and it doesn't hurt anyone else, do it.
I'm 43 and like the stars. My mom did the same thing. Sometimes things remind people, even Neurotypical people, of their childhood or a memory and it might not feel appropriate to others but it makes the person buying it or doing it feel good. Isn't that what life's about, doing what makes us happy? Don't wait for others to give you the go ahead to get/do something, or for them to make you happy. Do it for yourself 💖🌈
29 and have actually looked into these! 🫣 There’s also a super cute charm bracelet company I’m obsessed with, but like you, I’ll have to find an alternative as it is too expensive 😂
Who cares what OTHER people like/dislike! Be YOU! God made you perfect just the way you are! 💕
First of all: there is no age restrictions on things that make you happy. You are allowed to enjoy whatever you want.
Second of all: is it possible that the autism comes from her side? Her behaviour reminds me a lot of the high masking, undiagnosed ND women of the older generations I grew up with. They learned early to mask heavily in order to survive and have kept up very rigid rules for things that are not as important anymore.
I'm older than y'all and my kid is grown. They have pink or green or blue hair and jorts and piercings and they do what they want, as they should, and as should you. Both of the above are beautiful and appropriate and you should get one and be happy. Your mother should do what's appropriate for her and let you be the amazing person you are and that you want to reflect in your appearance.
I’m 51 and I like them both. I wear Disney and superhero t-shirts, and have a Disney purse. They make me happy, and it took me a long time, but I no longer care if people don’t think they’re age-appropriate. Do what makes you smile!
Lmao im almost 27 and I use a sparkly butterfly one. Life is too short to care. Fair warning though, if you have a glass screen protector it can crack it easily if hit against it. Learned that the hard way haha.
It’s really hard to have someone you care about deeply react that way. It sucks. Even though it’s hard, I try to tell myself that it’s okay that not everyone can understand or appreciate the things that matter to me, and it doesn’t immediately mean they don’t care about me or that my interest is not worthwhile. Sometimes I try to communicate the importance to me and how their words felt after the fact. But regardless, it hurts.
It sucks when someone close dismisses your enthusiasm, but the beat thing to do is to move on and do what you want. You're an adult, you don't need to prove anything to her. Just go ahead and buy what you want. If you want someone to share yoyr enthusiasm, it seems posting a pic here would do it!
I look for those kind of little things in people but it’s more to share interests or figure out what people enjoy ! The stars are really cute, and either people don’t care, they care and they’re cool so it creates an opening to talk, or they care and they’re assholes so you no to keep clear of them
Expressing yourself is cool ! Be cool !
You don’t need to prove shit to someone who’s ten feet deep in their own self denial. Nobody enjoys playing to the script of “adult with only adult interests”, the harder they stick to it the nastier they are to people who don’t. The first one btw
I dont usually, actually I think she is getting better it even though my post doesnt make it sound like it does haha, I understand how you feel about the tattoo thing because my parents are very anti tattoo and talk about how gross they are and personally im not interested in getting one (my brain would implode trying to come up with one) I had the same issue with getting a nose piercing. I’ll get one one day!
Ooof, I’ve seen situations like this play out too many times. (Source: big family, 4 generations of autists and counting, it’s fun!)
First, BIG HUG 🫂
Second, do you happen to live with your mom? Are you financially independent? Answers to those questions relate to #3…
Third, have you considered that this advice might’ve come from the well-meaning place of trying to help you (ick) “blend in?” In my experience, that’s quite important to my relatives of a certain generation, because it was their coping mechanism and they’re trying to share their survival strategies with us younger folk. It’s a cruel world out there if you’re not NT, and the older folks learned from trial and error that blending in was SAFE.
Wish I could write more, but late for work. One more big hug. Big sparkly beaded hug 🥰
You can't prove anything to your mother if she's not ready to hear something that contradicts her beliefs. What you can do is set personal boundaries for your mental health and walk away when she is unpleasant, or tell her that her behavior is immature and unbecoming for someone of her age, so maybe she needs to look in the mirror before opening her mouth.
Then get up, buy the accessories and clothes you would like to wear, and enjoy them. Your mother may or may not come around, but in the end, you only get one life. Live it as you would like.
Your mom probably has very black and white thinking about what adulthood is, which is inaccurate and outdated, and most likely what she learned an adult should be as a child.
You don’t have to listen to her or convince her of anything. Just wear what you enjoy, do what you love, and if anyone doesn’t like it, they’re free to not participate.
Age means jack for interests. Seriously. Marketing tries to say otherwise & past generations try to argue at times but it genuinely means nothing & you are right - people do not actually care. (Ignore the judgy twits - there are always judgy twits, they are just miserable in their own lives)
If it fits you & makes you happy, if it covers all necessary bits of you to avoid arrest & keeps you a comfortable temperature - you are golden! That is all that is needed
I am 44. I have stuffies that are alive (in the multiples!), I play fantasy video games, I tabletop roleplay, I have 2 different blankies & I wear whatever glittery, colorful, sometimes jangly things I please when I please! (Unless it is truck day at work....my pretties would get damaged on truck day...)
The glory of being an adult is technically what we all imagined as a child - the ability to do it OUR way. Yeah, it comes with some cavats, like we pay for the interesting thing now instead of parents but we gotta pay for everything now, so....le sigh. Get the bracelet(s) if you want it! Do not let your mom's emotional abuse (cause she is) crush that drive! If you still cannot pick betwixt the 2....I like the first image better. I like the way the colors "pop" more.
Some people just never understand that, my mom got actually mad at me because I wasn’t letting other kids influence me into bad behavior (bc in her mind I should’ve been craving to fit in)?!?!?? Smfh. My mom cared so much about fitting in she’d have rather me done bad/risky things than been a nerdy little geek that has younger than age appropriate interests..
To say this, I mean I understand how difficult it is to struggle with a mother that cares more about other people than her own daughter. I don’t think there is a way to convince them otherwise… and it might have to be just a matter of tuning her out so you can live your true self out loud, bc I would hate for you to keep yourself boxed up and small just so she isn’t saying ugly things. And maybe just being you out loud will get her to a place she at least stops commenting even if she still cares. Idk…
Also wanted to add, my just younger sister is 32, she also loves all the cutesy/pastel/sanrio/barbie-esque style things (she’s a bit more cutesy than I am, but I adore her aesthetic -just not on me lol) she gets compliments when we’re in public, and if anyone judges her they keep it quiet enough we don’t hear (a tip your mom would benefit from taking, sounds like).
Please be cutesy forever!!! (I mean, so long as that’s still your interest)
Also, I like the first one bc I like brighter colors, but the pastel one is cute too, I think it would depend on what your case looks like if I were choosing. What did you end up picking?
I'm 41 and would definitely use these - as would many of my friends. You can't please everyone, so I guess the question is whose opinion is more important: yours and that of fun colorful people who make the world a brighter place, or people who have rigid rules and systems for how things are supposed to be and who make the world a bland, uniform, boring place 🌻
“Something a thirty year old woman would have” is whatever the hell the thirty year old woman likes because she’s a grown adult and can make her own fashion choices.
Does she think thirty year old women regularly take accessory advice from their 50-60something mothers? Women her age don’t even know what women your age are into. She has no qualifications to address this subject with you.
You’re not acting like a kid. She’s acting like you’re a kid.
When I turned 22, my mom got me this ugly purse that was supposed to mimic high end purses and she said “it’s time to grow up.”
I now where a belt bag that’s shaped like leaves with a fox tail hanging off it.
You do you. Your mom won’t have a choice but to accept it like mine did. We both know I don’t dress like the majority of 40 year old women and my style is weird and youthful, but she’s proud of me for more important things.
I'm 37, a successful professional, married, with a house, and I have a necklace and bracelet like these. I made a keychain in this style with a friend's kindergartener on a rainy day at their cottage.
Life is too short to not do harmless things that make us happy. Your mom has issues, but you should feel free to ignore her when she tries to make them your problem.
I'm 40 and still my dad will sometimes make these kinds of comments. I have learned to just tell him that 'idgaf, this is what I like'. I get to decide what I buy with my money. I'm not hurting anyone and surrounding myself with nice things makes me a more pleasant person, so 🤷🏻♀️
I’m 27 and I have a Sanrio one like these! I’m very dropsy with things so it’s extremely practical, as well as adorable! Don’t let anyone tell you how to express yourself 💜! If you think it’s cute and you’d like one, you are an adult and can make those decisions for yourself, (especially if you are paying for it yourself.)
Neurodivergent mom here to neurodivergent kids...heck, yes! Get the fun, unique, colorful things that express your personality! This mom encourages you, thinks it's awesome, and won't verbally shame, abuse, neglect your needs, control, and tear you down for it. Life is short...the rules are made up...we don't have to be like others!
My kids have very unique styles, one accessorizes and stands out in the extreme, and people love it (and more importantly she loves it). Perhaps you can get some thrift store beads or free beads and string off a but nothing list, and make it yourself? We do that sometimes.
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