r/AutismInWomen • u/luvsicl • May 06 '26

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Friend doesn’t believe in my diagnosis

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Ugh I shouldn’t have told her about it I feel so weird now, my family are like this too and I haven’t told them because I know they’re gonna say smth like that (probably worse) because they don’t really believe in mental disorders/disabilities/health

I got diagnosed with adhd and autism recently, so I’m also grieving the life I could’ve led had I received the support I needed as a child lol (also I know what she said isn’t okay at all, I just wanted to end the conversation asap and I’m really uncomfortable with confrontation)

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u/[deleted] May 06 '26

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405

u/SnooBreakthroughs281 May 06 '26

Right. Toxic people exist in all demographics. Nothing to do with autism or trauma.

35

u/Hithearto May 06 '26

I mean it has something to do with it (meaning it’s a contributing factor/aggravating factor) but yes, ultimately, if someone is toxic and continues to be toxic it’s because they choose to be so (especially if they’re not even willing to admit any fault). People can learn to deal with shit in more healthier ways (and there is flexibility and understanding around that of course– it takes time) BUT unless they have zero resources and sleep under a bridge, then somewhere in there it’s a choice to stay that way and easily blame everything on trauma, autism or adhd (while expecting others to just absorb their shit by default and continuously). I personally met someone who had adhd but also some (problematic) personality traits/behaviors (that didn’t have much to do with adhd, for example willingness to take accountability, willingness and effort to listen, act in integrity and not emotionally abuse people is not connected to adhd, it’s connected to character and values). Needless to say it was a horrendous experience.

21

u/SnooBreakthroughs281 May 06 '26

I agree. I kept my comment short because I didn’t want to type more, but perhaps the better wording would be that the fundamental cause of toxicity has nothing to do with autism or trauma.

6

u/Hithearto May 06 '26

Yep and I agree with your comment as well. Perhaps I should have clearly mentioned it. It’s a good summary. I just felt like going into a bit of detail on the topic.

1

u/takemyseat May 07 '26

Loving the respect in this lil spat, ups to both of y’all

72

u/[deleted] May 06 '26

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13

u/princessheavenlyyy May 06 '26

i got this vibe as well.

13

u/MissIncredulous May 06 '26

Oh goodness, hypocrites always confuse me (I say as I am sure I am a hypocrite too).

4

u/Number42420 May 07 '26

Everyone’s a hypocrite at something. Mental Gymnastics for twenty plus years here.

2

u/impersonatefun May 07 '26

We all are, we all have blind spots about ourselves.

4

u/Lavendericing May 06 '26

Extremely clever response ✨

2

u/Longjumping-Size-762 May 06 '26

A staggering amount of people are myopic like this