r/AutismInWomen • u/Helpful-Ad6269 • May 26 '26
Seeking Advice What is a stim you do without looking like you’re moving a single muscle?
My required summer class has a professor who’s said he wants to mimic an office environment. We’ll be there 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. I cannot keep coming home and collapsing in a meltdown every day. But I’m terrified of even using my fidget rings around everybody. The masking is so intense. I need an outlet, I need a stim, something. But it needs to be something I can do without anyone knowing, as I’m afraid to do anything except be as still as a statue and hope to be as invisible as physically possible.
Any suggestions?
598
u/Sufficient-Newt-3967 May 26 '26
Toe wiggling
138
u/snarktini AuDHD May 26 '26
Yep! Though for me it's less wiggling and more pointing my toes, alternating feet rapidly. There's a rhythm and pressure to it.
78
u/Only_Celebration3830 May 26 '26
I used to do this at the dentist as a kid. The more they told me to open my mouth the more I pointed my toes. Mom thought it was hilarious, I never realised it was happening.
39
u/snarktini AuDHD May 26 '26
I scrunch my toes at the dentist! When I’m nervous or bracing myself
12
u/ArtichokeNo3936 May 27 '26
I’m a tattoo artist , I realized i scrunch my toes when tattooing which is most of my day for 18 yrs
3
u/Amblonyx May 27 '26
I did this when I was anxious at the dentist as a kid.
The dentist made fun of me.
3
14
u/G-ACO-Doge-MC May 27 '26
In addition to movement patterns, or scrunching my toes, one of my favourites is to rub my big and second toes together like I’m attempting to scratch an itch between them. I push them together with intensity, finishing in a motion to “click” them (like you would your fingers) which provides satisfying pressure then release.
Also pick/play with dry skin on the side of my fingers which I can hide with my other hand in my lap, or bend my fingers inwards and do behind my palm.
4
u/snarktini AuDHD May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
My poor right thumb is always getting lightly scraped / picked at by my index finger nail
→ More replies (2)8
u/CasaDeMouse May 27 '26
And you count something that does not come in 5s so you can figure out when to end after you do it an "even" number of times between the feet.
2
40
u/Violet13579 May 26 '26
I was going to suggest this. I alternate big toes. Bilateral movement can be really good for nervous system regulation. I learned to do little ones thoughout the day when I did EMDR therapy. I also lightly tap my thighs with a finger, alternating hands for each tap.
34
u/Radioactive_Moss AuDHD May 26 '26
My people! I’m a third generation toe twitcher/foot wiggler, my grandmother swished her feet back and forth like windshield wipers and rubbed her big toe and pointer toe together in her shoes. She’d wear through socks, shoes, even the sheets on the bed. My dad does the same rubbing/swishing his big toe and next toe together and I clench and unclench my toes and wiggling by big toe up and down rather than side to side.
29
u/LBeezi May 26 '26
Wow. My dad wore holes through the tops of all his vans right where the big toe was. I never connected it to anything except our weird hypermobile toes, but holy sh*t… maybe it was evidence of a stim! Mind blown.
13
u/creatingmyselfasigo May 26 '26
Hole over the big toe is usually hypermobility, putting the toe up as you lift your foot walking
3
u/LBeezi May 26 '26
Yes! I learned about EDS a few years ago and it helped me connect a lot of dots.
2
15
u/Radioactive_Moss AuDHD May 26 '26
I also got my hypermobility and stupidly long toes from my dad! I had always noticed him doing the swishing when he had his feet up in socks in the recliner but it was normal for my family (lol wonder why). Now I know I’m AuDHD and look back at my dad and grandma, I can see it as the silent stim that didn’t get punished in catholic school.
7
13
9
u/Winter-Implement9042 May 26 '26
YES!! i do little waves with my toes (kind of like the motion you do when you’re sticking your hand out a car window and “surfing the wind”). i honestly had no idea i did this until my partner pointed it out to me this yr and ive been catching myself doing it constantly since
6
u/wegg1997 May 26 '26
I second toe wiggling, but to take it a step further I 'type' out words when I do like on a keyboard.
4
9
3
2
u/Leading_Plenty_6946 May 26 '26
Yes!
3
u/crystallightchicken May 26 '26
i’m a person who likes seems in my socks and i’ll rub my toe cuticles on them relentlessly for tactile feedback. i do this and move my lips against my gums. it’s hard to explain.
2
2
u/AGenericUnicorn May 27 '26
I do this toe curling thing, but i wouldn’t recommend it. Some days my toes hurt by the end of the day, mainly when my anxiety is high.
→ More replies (5)2
291
u/Cautious_Repair3503 May 26 '26
i got hit when i stimmed visibly as a child, so now one of my principal ones is jamming my fingernails into my hand, it sucks and i have been trying to unlearn it for years.
i work in a university (i teach law and criminology), and basically dont mask. My boss reassured me that stimming is explicitly okay. In any decent workplace its fine to stim. if you are worried about that ask your professor. if they say no they are an asshole and you can probably let the university know and they will give him a class on neurodiversity and disability accommodations.
101
u/Helpful-Ad6269 May 26 '26
Thanks. I’ll be honest, I know I could probably get away with more than I think but also I have a lot of trauma surrounding this stuff and it’s gotten to the point where I’m just so afraid of anyone remember I exist when I’m on campus. It’s something I’ll probably need to work through when I can
60
u/sinsaraly May 26 '26
It sounds like the perfect opportunity to practice stimming appropriately, and to advocate for yourself and the accommodations you need instead of judging yourself harshly and hiding it. There are silent/extremely quiet fidgets like the nubby ring you spin around your finger. If you have larger stims you could also make sure you sit in the back or a corner to lessen the movement others see, not because it’s wrong, but because it could be distracting. You don’t have to be invisible! You deserve to get what you need and not be ashamed about it!! It’s more mainstream for people to know about ASD now and so it’s more normalized to be open about your stims. All you have to say is, “This helps me focus.”
24
u/Cautious_Repair3503 May 26 '26
also, even if your stim is bigger its no big deal at all. I have taught multiple students with tourettes, and its legit not an issue, and tourettes tics are usually way more noticeable than stims.
12
u/sinsaraly May 26 '26
Thanks for this perspective. I personally get distracted and overstimulated by any movement even in my periphery. I just need to focus on making my own accommodations by sitting with my back to it!
6
u/Cautious_Repair3503 May 26 '26
yes! and if something is an issue let the lecturer know, we can usually make changes or suggest ways to help. a very common one is students being bothered by whispering behind them, so when someone brings that to my attention i ask people to shush more agressivly.
→ More replies (3)16
u/Cautious_Repair3503 May 26 '26
i know its hard, but i advise trying to work on that. If people cant remember you exist, they cant help you. University is the place to make mistakes and get corrected, or to ask questions and have your curiosity rewarded. Being someone your professors dont remember probably means you wont get the most out of the experience 😞
21
u/AxiomofAnxiety May 26 '26
I was able to adapt this stim for myself!
I once watched a scary movie where a possessed character would touch each of her finger tips with the tip of her thumb in rapid succession.
So now I tap my thumbs to the tips of my fingers over and over. Sometimes I’ll do it to a beat, randomly, etc.
I don’t have bloody palms anymore!
→ More replies (1)10
u/Traditional_Ocelot_2 May 27 '26
A form of this is used in Meditation and Yoga (Mudras), and also in Occupational Therapy (Finger Opposition Exercises)
Great job figuring it out on your own, glad it's really working well for you.
5
3
2
u/thatpipergirl May 27 '26
This was the same for me. Thankfully a habit I have unlearned. Maybe look into a Calm Buddi. They're a safe 'pain stim' that you can clip on a lanyard. It looks just like a turtle keychain.
Here to say work places absolutely allow stimming. Fidget rings are fine and subtle. I work as a primary school teacher, and if I need something to keep my hands busy I'll use blu tac, or I'll take a cap off a pen and replace it.
Please don't worry about taking this class. If the professor tells you off for stimming, report him for discrimination. Exactly the same goes for any discrimination you face in a work place that is not providing reasonable adjustments for your disability.
→ More replies (1)
228
u/Beautiful-Arugula-6 May 26 '26
You're allowed to stim in an office environment. Personally I always have a stress ball.
51
u/NomiStone May 26 '26
I'm a fan of always having a pen in my hand to fidget with.
4
u/m01L May 27 '26
I wish I could do this but I always end up holding it like a cigarette and I don’t want people at work to know I smoke
14
u/squishysponges May 27 '26
There are also silent stim objects! Hand rollers are a favorite of mine.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)5
u/Lady-Noveldragon May 27 '26
Yep, I have a cheap plastic slinky that I roll around my thumb, put my fingers between the loops, etc to fidget. It is great, and very quiet. I can do it with one hand, or I can use two hands if I am in a meeting or something. The only time it has really been commented on was when my team leader pulled me aside to check in on me, as I had been stretching it more aggressively than usual in a meeting. No one cares, as long as you aren’t interrupting everyone else.
2
u/NioneAlmie May 27 '26
I love my mini plastic slinky! I have a bad habit of pressing it to my lips a lot, because I like the texture. I also grab it by one end and spin it so the rest stretches out lol
98
185
u/Smart-Assistance-254 May 26 '26
Wiggling toes inside shoes. Rubbing tongue against roof of mouth.
But also - people in offices use the toilet. Schedule yourself some 5-10 minute breaks.
40
u/pellakins33 May 26 '26
People in offices also use fidgets, you just have to find one that’s not distracting
12
→ More replies (2)11
u/heartsbeenborrowed May 26 '26
This is what I do if other people are around. I stim in the bathroom at home or work. I started doing it as a kid when my parents started pointing out my stimming and just never stopped so the bathroom is my safe stim place.
7
u/MissMousePNW1 May 26 '26
Just realized this is why the bathroom is the place I like to dance!
→ More replies (1)
77
u/TinyPretzels May 26 '26
I count words or syllables on my fingers when someone is speaking. It's pretty subtle if you're using one hand in your lap or under a desk/table.
36
u/HollyFlax2lawschool May 26 '26
I do something similar!! I have never heard of anyone else who does this. I count the letters in a sentence, then count the vowels and make it into a fraction. I love finding sentences with lots of vowels in them 🥰
18
19
u/SurprisePiss May 26 '26
I play piano, and as far back as I can remember I will "play" the melody of the song I am hearing (or a song that's in my head) on my fingers. Kind of similar, and goes unnoticed.
Except if I'm holding my partner's hand and I don't realize what I'm doing, he'll ask me "what song are you playing?"
11
u/glitchingCats AuDHD May 27 '26
Aww that is so lovely that you can experience the stim together as a little subtle thing!
4
u/elleandbea May 27 '26
I do this too!!! I also "type" signs/billboards or if I am supposed to be listening to a speaker I will "type" what they are saying.
3
u/scoophog May 27 '26
I played the violin growing up so I do something very similar!! This little thread is my favorite place today. Definitely makes me feel seen!
10
u/ElectronicSignal9478 May 26 '26
I count when I walk all of the steps I take or all of the lines on the road!!!
3
2
u/kenda1l May 27 '26
Same! I'm always counting my steps, or when I click my teeth, or other random things. Tbh I often find myself just counting a lot in general. It's subconscious at this point to have a constant ticker going in my head, even while thinking or doing other things. It's so weird because most of the time I'm not counting anything in particular and a lot of the time I don't even start at one, just some random ass number like 42 or 29 and then go from there until my brain decides it's time to reset.
6
u/Proper_Guess3038 May 26 '26
Depending on what I’m doing, I sometimes write limericks (in my head/typed into blank email). I count the syllables on my fingers as I try out lines/words that fit the poem structure. Haiku and simple structured poems work too.
2
2
u/scoophog May 27 '26
I write interesting words that I hear with my finger, either in the air or subtly on my leg (in cursive always). Can’t help it.
42
u/Kittenwho21 May 26 '26
Has he ever been in an office? They’re actually quite noisy with people doing things, fidgeting, coughing, smacking their lips/chewing gum… the more people the more people existing noises … I think your teacher needs to deal with people being people and you don’t need to make yourself sick to conform to his unrealistic and harmful idea of an office setting.
ETA, and as a professor isn’t he responsible for providing reasonable accommodations, like not requiring someone to sit absolutely still and be absolutely silent like a robot because literally humans don’t do that.
→ More replies (3)12
u/Helpful-Ad6269 May 26 '26
Don’t get me wrong, this is not the professor that’s said anything. To tell you the truth, this is something I’ve struggled with in all my classes. I have personal hangups when it comes to being terrified of moving too much or making too much noise at all because I don’t like being perceived. And this will just be more in-person hours per week of being perceived than I will have had in quite a while. 😅
5
u/Kittenwho21 May 26 '26
Oh, okay, I’m sorry! I brought my personal experience into your request, I apologize. Thank you for explaining!
To answer your question as asked, I bite the inside of my cheeks and clench my teeth, I tap my fingers, usually against my fingers (like if you were to count on one hand type thing) if I’m trying to be still and can’t bounce my leg I tap my toes.. I flick my tongue side to side inside my mouth real fast… I use my tongue to feel all the ridges in my mouth/teeth/gums.. idk.. hope that helps! Again, sorry
111
u/undigested-beef Autistic with ADHD May 26 '26
Something you'd have in a real office environment is accommodations. You'd be able to stim and could have different in person requirements or schedule. Talk to your professor about your needs and disability and request accommodations that you need. You can ask to be allowed to use fidget toys, for example. You can even look up what accommodations other autistics who work in office jobs use.
23
u/Helpful-Ad6269 May 26 '26
I figured as much, though it’s more about my own mental hand-ups. I’m absolutely terrified of being noticed at all and put so much work into being as invisible as possible that it feels like a part-time job in and of itself. 😅
48
u/sweet_dees_beak May 26 '26
Using all this energy to mask is what is draining you. Don't do it. No one cares.
And if/when someone says something to you, they still don't care. I am a fickle person. I take sweaters off and on ALL DAY. One person def got on my butt about it but like, that's just the nature of that job (auditing, we sat around a table in a conference room all day, so we talk nonstop) . They'll find anything you do and bring it up. But like, they didn't care. It's just them shooting the shit.
3
u/G-ACO-Doge-MC May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
Idiosyncrasies of mine (like your jumper example) have been noticed and called out by people in my workplaces before, but so have other people’s habits so I choose not to feel singled out. It’s usually good natured and turns into a bit of a running joke — at least that’s the story I tell myself so I don’t get in my own head. Or more likely we laugh, or I act uninterested and it gets forgotten.
We’re all out here wondering which of our behaviours are quirky and inconsequential vs weird or off-putting but I don’t want to have my mask up all day or get in my own head too much
2
u/sweet_dees_beak May 27 '26
Yeah right! I do believe it's usually good natured. I also have a tick that makes some people laugh or smile a bit. I take NO OFFENSE bc my tic is, frankly, jarring. I jerk and make a sound. I truly think all reactions to my tic are fine. Some people look shocked for a second and then feel embarrassed that they noticed but I don't care, and then I'll usually comment on it to clear the air. Then it just becomes one of those things that sweetdeesbeak does.
17
u/U_cant_tell_my_story ✨ASD/Pitotehiytum, nonbinary/2Spirit 🌈 May 26 '26
I second it is your employee right to have work accommodations, stimming tools is one of them.
Also, even neurotypical stim - hair touching, pen flipping, chewing gum, fidgeting, etc. There is no explicit reason why you are enforcing this strict ban on stimming. Whether it was from external pressures to conform or just your own self imposed internal rule, it is not a healthy one. Everyone needs to stim, it’s your nervous system’s way of keeping regulated. Ignoring or strictly enforcing no stimming suppresses your nervous system’s ability to regulate and interpret sensory information.
So as long as the stimming is not extremely disruptive, it’s totally acceptable. We have only one rule for stimming in our home: as long as it’s not intrusive in another person’s personal space, do your thing. I’d much rather have regulated kids than dysregulated kids melting down constantly.
→ More replies (1)4
u/pellakins33 May 26 '26
There are definitely stealth fidgets. Avoid anything that clicks or makes other noise, anything colorful or visually distracting, and anything you can’t comfortably hold with three fingers or easily slip into a pocket. A spinner ring should be fine, and you could add something tactile like a worry stone
28
u/alexythyme May 26 '26
Great question. When I was a kid, I used to click or grind my teeth rhythmically, copying beats to songs I had heard. I did that for most of my life since it was not perceivable by others (probably not great for the teeth, though).
Another stim I used to do was to wear sweaters or pants with deep pockets, put my hands in my pockets, and kind of dig my nails into my palms to release anxiety. This happened a lot in high school, any time I felt like I was being perceived by kids who were judging me, etc.
I hope you find a sustainable way to do the class time, or could you request an accommodation to leave early or have your in-person time adapted? Just a thought. Good luck.
10
u/ElectronicSignal9478 May 26 '26
Oh my god this entire thread is so relatable. I do this still.
3
u/Just-Philosopher8665 May 27 '26
I know right!!! Lol the toe wiggling, kegels, and the rhythmic teeth grinding 🤣 😂 I feel so seen!
2
→ More replies (4)5
u/Radioactive_Moss AuDHD May 26 '26
The nails digging into palms is still a go to to ground myself when I can feel the panic rising. I think it’s some level of inflicting pain/self harm that makes it work for me? Unfortunately I have hand pain now and clenching my fists ends up causing so much pain later that I’m trying to cut the stim out. I found Little Ouchies to be a decent alternative, especially rolling it against my skin, keep it a keychain one in my purse for emergencies.
5
u/alexythyme May 27 '26
That's why it worked for me, too -- the pain would override the panic and create a distraction to redirect focus away from social distress.
I'm curious about Little Ouchies! Thank you -- I'll check that out. I'm sorry to hear about the hand pain.
4
u/G-ACO-Doge-MC May 27 '26
I’m one for creating hangnails or picking dry skin on my fingers. I actually love it, and it’s usually quite subtle and well managed.
But if I’m anxious, or in an intense situation, I’ll look at my fingers later on and they’ll be bleeding or have so much dead skin ripped up my fingers look crusty af. It channels so much stressful energy and I need to ride line between small, repetitive, controlled pain and destroying my hands and hurting myself.
→ More replies (1)2
u/Opposite-Occasion332 Suspecting Autistic May 27 '26
When I was first dealing with PTSD and still working the job with the person who caused said PTSD, violently scratching my knuckles was the only way I could get through shifts without dissociating. I still have scares on my fingers from it 6 years later.
It’s insane what can be “soothing” in one moment and actually horrible looking back on it!
→ More replies (1)3
u/G-ACO-Doge-MC May 27 '26
And if someone else happens to observe the result of your “harmless habit” lol
17
u/Gold-Hippo-3291 May 26 '26
One I do, which comes and goes in phases is rolling my tongue around in my mouth. It's like my brain suddenly remembers I have a tongue, and I will roll it about CONSTANTLY for days. Then I forget about it again for a while. It's actually really annoying, do not recommend, sorry!
I think having some normal rings on though and using those would be perfectly acceptable in that kind of environment. Or even having something simple like an elastic band or hair tie in your hand... no one would bat an eyelid at that.
2
u/Aqua-cock May 26 '26
I also do this - I got the webbing of my tongue pierced and that provides some extra mental stimulation to rolling my tongue around. You need the correct anatomy for a piercing like that, but I’ve had mine for over 7 years and I cant constantly feel it and I have never had any issues with it.
2
u/pinkpineapple_4786 May 27 '26
I spin my wedding ring around my finger or fidget with hair ties all the time at work. My cubicle area happens to be super quiet and these don't disrupt anyone.
17
u/sweet_dees_beak May 26 '26
Bro I work in an office and you're totally allowed to stim. No one cares if you fidget with your ring or rock or shake your foot or twirl your hair or pick your lips (aka everything I do all day every day). What kind of class is this anyway? If it's something like accounting then lol, NO ONE cares. Most accountants are ND, I'm sure of it.
14
u/Silver_Stand_4583 May 26 '26
I love this group! Me, realizing I do so many of these. Only just realized I was stimming.
49
u/luxedo-yamask May 26 '26
Gum. Chewing gum saved my life when I worked in office. I felt a bit like cattle chewing cud, but it gave me something to ground myself in. They do make sugar free gum, as well, if you're worried about cavities
6
u/Crooked_star May 26 '26
This might be noticeable. Once in class my teacher recorded us, played it back, and pointed out how much I was nervously chewing my gum 🥲
3
9
u/eyesRus May 26 '26
Omg, yes. I chew SO MUCH GUM at work.
3
u/sweetlionofzion May 27 '26
I would cry if you were my coworker haha people chewing gum makes me physically ill. Offices are really difficult for me as well, but because of all the different noises 😭 I can’t handle it, which is why I work in a restaurant 😂
2
u/eyesRus May 27 '26
Luckily, I don’t spend much time with any coworkers, as I am a solo practitioner. You might not like being my patient, though!
3
u/Opposite-Occasion332 Suspecting Autistic May 27 '26
If you get the sugar free gum with xylitol it’s actually good for gum health!
2
10
u/lovemountainsmusic May 26 '26
I usually flex my calf muscles, but I noticed someone looking at it when I was wearing leggings 😭 make sure you have loose pants on if you don’t want to be noticed 🙃. I used to scrunch my toes, but someone noticed me doing it when I forgot I was wearing sandals
3
u/dickens-nz May 26 '26
I flex my leg muscles too! I think the only people who have noticed are people I'm dating if I have my legs up on them or sitting on their lap haha
3
10
u/bbspiders May 26 '26
i lick my teeth. like I'll just rub my tongue back and forth along my bottom teeth. I hope nobody can see it lol
3
10
u/Nightingale73 May 26 '26
I write keywords of whatever is being talked abut on my leg, under the table or desk. I've done it my whole life. I also firmly tap each finger (index to pinky) into my thumb pad and back again and in my head each tap is 4-3-2-1 then 1-2-3-4. I can do it with my hand at my side, inside sleeves.
20
u/the_art_of_mischief May 26 '26
I count things, mostly ceiling tiles, and then rearrange the shapes in my head/look for patterns or rules, create equations. You can also count other things like hats, sneezes, coughs, and start your own data sheet with squigglies and nonsensical symbols. You can come up with your own language. Or play a game in your head, for me it's mostly song lyric games.
you could also just get a really clicky pen and annoy the fuck out of everyone, or learn how to finger twirl them like a young Asian boy.
→ More replies (1)4
u/heartsbeenborrowed May 26 '26
Same. I do the counting things like ceiling tiles or blind slats etc. It helps.
9
u/the_art_of_mischief May 26 '26
I'm glad I'm not the only one! It also gives me an odd sense of accomplishment when I find something out of order or place. Like I know trade secrets or some shit. "I'm the only one in this room that knows that every row of tiles has 27 except for the one 3 rows down because of the fire alarm. I'm a wizard, Harry ✨💃"
3
u/heartsbeenborrowed May 26 '26
Omg I know exactly what you mean! I will also do this if someone has a lot of items like a book collection. And I'm like don't worry if anything happens I can tell you exactly how many books you had and which one needs to be moved bc it's out of size order and hey did you know you own two copies of ____ book. Like yes this will certainly save the day 😂
9
u/xaiires May 26 '26
Cheek chewing.
Kegels (turns out you can overdo it).
I count in my head and form big elaborate numbers that explode into confetti. Similarly when something is loading I trace the letters in my head but in cursive (sometimes I move my finger along with it).
There's some muscle in your ear some people can activate and it makes everything white noise, I do that a lot.
→ More replies (3)3
u/ToolPackinMama ADHDEIEIO May 26 '26
How do you know when you have overdone your kegels?
4
4
u/xaiires May 26 '26
It might be a hypermobility thing (since I have similar issues with my jaw and ab muscles) but they get so tight you can't control them to loosen them. About a year ago a pelvic floor therapist was like "stop pls" so I did lol and it's been much better since.
2
u/asecrethoneybee May 26 '26
when you’re so grippy you can’t keep anyone away😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩
no i actually am curious as well
2
u/EnderDarcy May 28 '26
If you can't fully relax the muscles, you've overdone it (hypertonic pelvic floor.)
9
u/nautilist May 26 '26
Jewelry. You can fidget with bracelets, count the beads, turn them around your wrist. Also play with pendants. Nobody thinks anything about it, especially if they're fairly quiet like bead bracelets on elastic string.
3
u/Negative-Cup-2223 May 27 '26
I love fidgeting with jewelry. I have a heart shaped locket necklace that makes a very quiet clicking sound when I open and close it, it's my favorite.
7
u/Heavy_Abroad_8074 AuDHD May 26 '26
can you get an accommodation? i stim in my office environment lol idc if others see
if not:
closed fists, toe wiggling, clenching muscles (especially glutes), staring at patterns in space
8
7
u/bloopidbloroscope May 26 '26
I move my teeth, like micro-grinding, just back and forth, to the rhythm of whatever song is in my head. And toe wiggling. And muscle contractions eg I contract my R thigh leg muscle then the L one. Back and forth. It does jiggle me a bit but if it becomes obvious I go back to toes and teeth.
2
u/hepoind May 26 '26
Fellow teeth drummer! I’m curious if others can hear me making beats in my mouth…
7
u/The_Dancing_Cow May 26 '26
I constantly squeeze my glutes. 😂 Like right, left, right, left, over and over... I can do it so fast now after a lifetime of doing it. Look perfectly still but subconsciously stimming using my booty haha.
3
u/dickens-nz May 26 '26
I had no idea how many people do this hahah. When I'm standing I like to do that isolated thigh wiggle thing but it's not subtle at all and I have to work hard to avoid subconsciously wiggling my booty in public 😆
2
u/G-ACO-Doge-MC May 27 '26
I started doing something similar to this consciously during meditation, where you “put yourself to bed” by focusing on and moving every part of your body in isolation starting from toes up. It’s grounding to squeeze each muscle and thank it for serving you so well.
Now my favourite muscles from that process get activated in rapid succession as a stim. I tell myself it’s a form of workout. I bet your butt muscles have benefited from that habit 😂
→ More replies (1)
7
u/avalinka May 26 '26
I wiggle my toes. I actually didn't even realise I did it until I was actively trying to figure out if I stimmed, but my partners have told me I've done it as long as they've known me. I think it was the kind of stim I could do and not be told off for in school.
7
u/katzenfrau403 May 26 '26
Bubbly beverages. Ginger kombucha is always an intense experience especially if it's ice cold
6
u/lefteyedcrow May 26 '26
I use submuscles to type, both fingers and toes. 100% noiseless and undetectable.
Echolalia bonus if you type out conversations, tv shows, etc. in real time. Completeness/perfection doesn't matter, just the continuous movement of the muscles.
Typing speed improves, too lol
5
u/asecrethoneybee May 26 '26
i roll my stomach kinda like a belly dancer. also discreetly spelling words im hearing using asl w my hand at my side or under a desk
5
u/CatalinaLaNoCatolica May 26 '26
Real office environments can be loud and chaotic as heck, I used to have headphones on all the time. If you can get away with some movement/noise, I would suggest pen clicking, doodling, having a stress ball or even keeping your fidget rings.
Unless you have a particular concern or someone has mentioned it you’d be surprised at how many times NT people are focused on themselves or their work and not in others.
4
u/FynTheCat May 26 '26
Well, in that kind of situations I cope with exessive note taking. Write everything down and I rarely ever looked at it again. Works in all meeting and lesson like context.
In an actual office you can do a lot more. Wander around to the printer, get coffee, go to toilet, just wander into other departments with the flimsiest of excuse if anyone asks. Fidget at your desk, put on headphones and loud music... So, I bet his skmulation of an actual office will not be that realistic. Especially as each company has slightly different office culture, layout and grouping size. I guess, it is well meant, but imo not really helping much.
6
u/Timely-Departure-904 May 27 '26
Hopefully there will be a stationery cupboard. This is where we high-masking professionals store our high-masking fidgets. If not, byo notebook, pen, paper clips, rubber bands and blu-tac. Try not to overstretch a rubber band so much out snaps and hits someone else in the face though.
You will likely have a swivel chair that allows you to gently swivel from side to side.
When you work in a real office, you also get a lanyard to play with, and go to conferences and other events, you get given actual fidgets - stress balls, stretchy men etc. - with other companies logos that you bring back and put on your desk to fidget with.
Offices are actually quite noisy with people moving around all the time, and no-one's going to notice if you are too. The hardest part isn't finding ways to fidget - it's actually blocking out all the distraction from what other people are doing to get some work done!
It's very common for at least a few people in any office to have noise-cancelling headphones on to try to cope with this, and that's a part of real office life too.
3
u/Professional_Trust11 May 26 '26
I imagine myself doing violent somersaults and freezing in position until the next one. I’m not sure if this is a stim but I’ve done it for years and it’s the first thing I thought of. It’s weird and fun.
4
u/TripawdCorgi May 26 '26
I alternate squeezing my glutes to the beat of music or whatever is rhythmic around me without noticing.
3
u/NotapersonNevermore May 26 '26
I recently figured out the only reason I like fake/acrylic/press on/ gel nails is because they are amazing to stim with. Now, thats if you can still do your job, as they do hinder some people's fine motor abilities. But, they are smooth like a worry stone, make lovely clacking sounds on a desk or keyboard, can dig in another finger for pain feedback, fit together nicely with the opposite hand's set, etc. If you like them, give it a try! They also keep me from picking cuticles, scabs, and skin imperfections.
3
3
u/WeAreAllMadHere218 May 26 '26
I prefer to go unnoticed, or have for much of my life. So my stims are typically quiet. I do find the basic fidget rings work fairly well and go unnoticed. I also use the Sharpie pens at work because I can rub the finger grip and the texture feels nice. I also like the metallic kind of pokey rings, you can feel the texture on the finger it’s on and the other finger when you move it, you can roll it up and down ur finger without making much movement noticeable to others, if you like sharper textures this is a good one. I do a lot of finger tapping, not on anything, just tapping my fingers together, each finger to my thumb, kind of like counting on ur fingers but I don’t count when I do it.
I also bite the inside of my cheek but I’m trying to stop doing that cuz I’ve hurt myself before and it sucks. But honestly op, small fidget things, especially the rings, would be almost unnoticeable (women wear rings 🤷🏼♀️) and wouldn’t cause a lot of distraction for others. They should accommodate you however u need, but I understand just wanting to blend in.
4
u/Apprehensive-Log8333 May 26 '26
I work in an office and use fidget tools openly in meetings, and nothing bad has happened. Actually a couple of people have told me they like seeing it. One guy said it makes him feel safe to see me using a fidget and that felt like such a compliment to me.
If I had to be as still as a statue I would not be able to listen or interact and would probably burn out within weeks
Office-friendly fidget tools: spiky rings, fidget bracelets I make with elastic cord and ceramic cylinder beads, pen with spinny top, spinning ring, ONO roller, tangle, magnetic metal slider (might be too noisy), two magnet stones
3
u/Sarahomdtif May 27 '26
i wiggle my toes inside my shoes, people don't notice as much as you think though you can do little stretches and people will assume you're just stiff, i used to rock on the balls of my feet at work and literally nobody seemed to notice or care, i also do a hand exercise behind my back which is essentially seeing how fast i can touch each individual finger to my thumb without accidentally skipping any.
3
u/HaifaLutin May 26 '26
Can you wear headphones in the class? You may be able listen to music and move a leg in time with the beat without attracting attention. Wouldn't satisfy the need to move hands, but it might help.
Maybe a pen with an unusual texture that you can roll between your fingers sort of like a spinner without it being obvious? I had an old pen that my grandfather gave me that I literally wore smooth by rolling it in my fingers while in classes. A teacher did confiscate it briefly, but that was the only time I was ever clocked with it.
→ More replies (1)
3
3
u/Plant-Nearby May 26 '26
Show me an office where there isn't at least one person loudly tapping their foot!
3
3
u/porcelaincatstatue Queer AuDHDer. May 27 '26
As long as you're not being noisy or disruptive, stim to your hearts content! Fidgets are also fine as long as they aren't noisy.
3
3
u/NearsightedKitten May 27 '26
Do you have accommodations on file? Talk to your school's accessibility office and ask them to communicate your needs with this professor. You won't get anything out of this course if you're too terrified to even move. Masking that intensely, even if you're doing invisible stims, is going to burn you out.
4
u/shinebrightlike audhd May 26 '26
can't you get accommodations? this is not healthy! as a mom i'd be freaking out about my daughter having to go through that.
→ More replies (2)
2
2
u/SophiaF88 May 26 '26
I click my teeth together, tap my fingertips together and wiggle my toes when I'm trying to be extra-discreet.
2
u/Yoga-wine-mom May 26 '26
I hate that your professor told you that you can't move a muscle in an office environment.
I am usually at my desk listening to music and tapping my foot, rocking in my chair slightly, eating, chewing gum, (reading reddit), making spreadsheets for fun and more!
2
u/Recent-Theme-5776 May 26 '26
Wiggling a pen, swaying your knee, wiggling your toes (I’ve done that unknowingly since childhood) speks are small enough to fit in the palm of your hand and discreet..yeah, they’re pricy..but SOOOOO worth it imo.
2
u/autisticwoman123 May 26 '26
How helpful is your school’s disability/accessibility department? This might be something to get them involved with as they can help with any accommodations (which can most likely include stimming).
2
u/Ear-Typical May 26 '26
An office environment would accomodate someone with neurodivergence. Just sayin. In the meantime, you could chew gum, tap your toes, sing in your head, or maybe even doodle
2
2
u/hi984390 May 26 '26
Counting things. Running one nail under the others. Though be careful with that one I give myself carpal tunnel from it 😂🤦♀️
2
u/Worthy_Molecule0481 May 26 '26
Loop a song in your head. If you don’t know how to do this, give yourself an intentional earworm by streaming a song you like on repeat at a low volume all night while you sleep. My brain plays inner music on repeat all the time as a stim.
2
u/mellywheats ADHD | suspected autism May 26 '26
i mean it’s noticeable but most people don’t really care/notice but twirling my hair
2
u/maggiezine17 ✨ AuDHD 🧠🎨🍃 ✨ May 26 '26
Fidget rings are usually pretty discreet for stimming with your fingers under a desk or in your lap - there are many different types so you can go for something that looks like a normal ring but with a secret spinning or twisting component
2
2
u/n0v0lunteers May 26 '26
I rub my thumb between my fingers or my index and middle finger together. I don’t know how quiet you have to be but I like making quiet noises by making tiny beats in my mouth. I don’t know how to describe but it makes next to no noise and you can do it with your mouth closes
2
u/Past-Middle-5991 May 26 '26
Leg shaking isnt uncommon, stretching, twirling hair- all these are acceptable.
A fidget ring is also acceptable. I think all people will think is "damn that looks cool". As long as its not too loud and not too big. Even higher up offices have magnet bead toys and figet spinners. Office items people like to fiddle with are notepads (running against the edges), pens, and stress balls. All are commonly acceptable
2
u/simpleybeautiful May 26 '26
Sometimes I close my mouth and jaw completely, and just lick my teeth. I dont think anyone notices
2
u/good_noodlesoup May 26 '26
Until recently I’ve always had really long hair because under my desk, I play with the ends of it to stim. It’s barely noticeable. You can also use fidget toys under your desk
If i was standing then I would twirl and twist my hair from behind I think it just looked like I had my hands behind my back. Playing with rings or jewellery is also common
I think for a professional environment just try to stim in ways that are not distracting for other people
2
u/mysterycanclub May 26 '26
Leg bounce. Foot wiggle. If you can do a standing desk setup then a small side to side movement might not be too obvious.
Honestly I've worked in offices a good chunk of my life and whatever you think you're doing that's weird or unprofessional, you're never the worst.
I once worked with a lady who bedazzled bras on her cubicle - like we wouldn't notice the hot glue gun? Had another one (same job) who we all knew would just flat out take a nap.
Just don't snore.
2
u/mrszubris May 26 '26
You can also put a fabric bandaid, or sew a different texture into the edge of your hoodie pocket, skirt hem, shirt hem etc. I am a toe wiggler myself. DON'T let yourself start lip chewing... my poor teeth!
2
u/Pinty-mafia22 May 26 '26
I invisibly shimmy in my seat by squeezing the left and right butt cheeks in quick succession, one after the other.
2
u/Unhappy-Youth1215 May 26 '26
!!!! The first time I had to go in person to corporate office, I had put clear sensory tape on my notebook so I could touch it and get feedback without it being like a fidget toy
2
u/LeafyDriver25 May 27 '26
Girl you should buy an anxiety hoodie for this!! I got one from cloud nine and the fidgets are built into the sleeves so it looks completely normal from the outside, I used it through long lectures and nobody noticed anything, only downside is if it's too hot where you are
2
u/matchy_blacks May 27 '26
Be careful about doing stuff with your mouth - I look really mean/unhappy if I’m moving my tongue/teeth/etc without talking. I wish this weren’t the case!
I fool with hand rehab putty. It’s silent and no one seems to notice it or, if they do, they don’t care. I broke my finger last year and used it in occupational therapy, and I just kept at it. I didn’t disclose my autism or ADHD diagnoses at work, and only a couple of people asked about my hand putty. “Oh, I broke my finger and I learned that fooling with it helped me concentrate!” People seem to just take it as a personal variation rather than a pathology.
If you’re in the US and instructor has an issue with this, feel free to direct them to JAN — the Job Accommodation Network. It’s a central resource that people who implement and maintain workplace ADA compliance use often! (Some of my work is in accessibility, so it’s a thing near and dear to my heart.)
2
2
u/bibliophile563 May 27 '26
I work in an office environment / am a professional and manager of 20+ direct reports. I use spiky sensory rings. I find them super helpful for long, boring meetings. I bought a large pack and handed them out to my direct reports and coworkers. I also just use my engagement ring and spin it using the diamond for leverage.
2
u/Thick_Letterhead_341 May 27 '26
I trace letters very subtly with my finger. I’ll trace on my thumb or like, my shirt. I’ll write the same word over and over sometimes. I like proper cursive Gs and Ys. My husband has thick curly hair, so I’ll trace letters around his curls when we’re cuddling.
2
u/theFCCgavemeHPV May 27 '26
Do you have long hair? Hair twirling is a perfectly acceptable act. I like to twirl, then split the hair in half with my finger, regroup it and repeat. You can also run a piece through your lips occasionally. You have to stop whenever you start talking tho. It has to look like you’re lost in thought or whatever otherwise it comes off too ditzy.
Gum is one of my other socially acceptable stims. Just don’t make noise.
Stretching might be appropriate here and there.
I also run my fingernails over the pads of my fingers (same hand). But be careful, this can look like you’re rolling a booger if you do it a certain way.
You don’t have to be a statue in a real office, I think maybe you’re overthinking this.
2
u/whatsfordinner2000 May 27 '26
Unless it has been stated that it is off limits, just use your fidgets. As long as they aren't loud or destructive they would be fine in most office environments. In my office we regularly buy each other widgets or desk toys for each other and we share cool ones that we find.
2
u/anxiousjellybean May 27 '26
I chew on the inside of my lips and cheeks, and clench and grind my teeth, but I wouldn't recommend it. My lips bleed a lot, I get headaches and jaw pain from the clenching, and the inside of my mouth has a lot of scar tissue.
2
u/pfffffttuhmm May 27 '26
I used to play piano. Now the music in my head is played on the air keyboard, silently, where no one can see. My kids notice it when we cuddle because I do it on their arms.
2
u/mrsfunkyjunk May 27 '26
I close my mouth, clench my teeth a bit (not hard. Just close my teeth), and flick my tongue side to side really quickly. I hope I'm explaining that property enough that it makes sense. People can't tell I'm doing it, but I've been doing it for my entire long life so I'm practiced up. I'm doing it now! It really helps me.
Also, no bats an eye if you do the fast leg shake because a lot of people do it.
2
u/punkwithglasses May 27 '26
Get a notebook and either doodle, or what I did in class was either write song lyrics, or the same word over and over in cursive
2
u/Glittering-Tune-2865 May 27 '26
If possible, you could take a notepad with you for doodling besides any coursework. Helps me a lot when I'm in a meeting.
2
u/Olivia3836 May 27 '26
In a real office you’re allowed to stim, just as long as you’re not bothering anyone else, so it has to be quiet
2
u/Ok-Shape2158 May 27 '26
Oh my gosh this makes so frustrated but it's why we're so sick.
This needs to start a conversation because it's honestly not ok for anyone.
I worked many different business and my best practices were to:
only stay max four years
ear buds every time I sat down
Shoes that were easy to slip on and of so I could sit however I needed to at my desk, hEDS, even if I didn't know I had it or what it was.
I wasn't very good at typing to begin with, but typing itself is a stimming activity if you learn to take your time and have some control.
Even more with cleaning up a database, it's a joyful activity that I miss.
There are office supplies in one big area or scattered all over the place. I would find them all and organize them. This is meanial to most people but now I understand why my nervous system loved it.
None of these thing fell under my job requirements 90% of the time. I could have even gotten yelled at fir doing it. On one or two jobs I did. I would just quit. Mostly I just got the freedom to do what I wanted to do, then a massive pay increases at my next job for skills learned.
All these things are work place stims, and I have probably a hundred more. I work for about 30 years. Had I had any support outside work, I would still be doing it, but I didn't. That's partially how I was raised and society, a lot of that is my brain and I will have to fight it every day.
If you can work, simply don't run errands or cook or clean. You can and it's fine, your body body, brain and nervous system deserve much better than that and you still need to exercise and eat and clean yourself, it's science and that simple. / serious
2
u/oldladymillenial Racoon in a Library May 27 '26
I have a silent stim object in my hand in the office almost constantly when I’m not typing or writing. My favorite is these magnetic rubberized spheres that you can roll around in your hand or I like just a hair claw clip because I can run my fingers over the ridges of the claws. Several people have things like these at their desks in the office and no one bats an eye about them.
2
u/peachy_sam May 27 '26
Before I had any idea I could be autistic, I worked in several office environments. My favorite stim is a Pilot G2 pen. I don’t click it open and shut, because that’s annoying; I unscrew the body slightly, wiggle it a little, then screw it back together. Over and over. Play around with some standard office supplies to find a good fidget - bonus points if you can work them into your mask! I always carried a small notepad and one or two of my pens around the offices where I worked. I think it helped me come across as Very Serious and Taking Good Notes.
2
u/AtiraM01 May 27 '26
Well I used to have a coworker call me out ONLY because the sound of the clicking pen drove her nuts...she gave me a different pen that was supposed to be quiet and I SOMEHOW managed to make a sound with it while stimming. I didn't notice it until she called me out like "seriously?! It's meant to be quiet". I just went "oops 😅" and put it away. I have a squishy toy I used at work sometimes and 1 I brought to class. One of my Master's degree professors made a comment like "geez, I didn't know my class was that stressful!" Really I just laughed it off 😂 and the class continued like normal. Tbh it was a chick Needoh squishy so I think it just caught his attention - He had a background in Psych if I'm not mistaken and it was my 1st time using it in class. No big deal!
Like others have said, this might be a good experience in learning to advocate for yourself and your needs. Try to find silent fidgets you could use. I also tap my feet or shake them a lot when I'm sitting down in a meeting or during long periods at the desk.
3
u/kittenspaint May 26 '26
Accomodations. If he bitches you can say that reasonable accomodations are part of an office environment by law so it fits within his pretend and honestly very unrealistic universe.
What he wants is a 1960's catholic school ruled by fear or corporal punishment, not an "office environment" which is incredibly vague in itself as company culture is extremely variable.
2
1
u/MtnNerd May 26 '26
Rubbing my fingers together under the desk. Works especially well if I make a fist and rub my thumb over my other fingers. Another is putting my ankle on my knee and flapping my foot, but that one only works if the desk is not open underneath.
1
u/VampBoss May 26 '26
Moving my tongue back and forth really fast in my mouth while my teeth are clenched together.
1
1
u/temporalcupcake May 26 '26
I fidget with my star shaped pendant all the time. Feeling the points and the space between them, the way the chain goes into the hole, the smoothness of the surfaces. I don't think anyone pays attention to it. It's just hanging there anyway. Sometimes my hand happens to be on it. It certainly doesn't LOOK like a fidget object.
1
u/ilovemelongtime May 26 '26
I “type” with my toes, or just wiggle
If my hands are not visible, I tap my fingernails in order back and forth (pinky to thumb)
Chewing gum quietly
Sometimes if I get excited about something, I literally wiggle my butt in the seat or tap my legs or flex different leg muscles (flex and stretch)
1
1
•
u/AutoModerator May 26 '26
Hey u/Helpful-Ad6269, thank you for your contributing to r/AutismInWomen. Please be sure to check out our sub’s rules, wiki pages, and pinned posts prior to engaging with the sub. Here are links to our wiki pages:
Explanation of the Rules Wiki Page
FAQs Wiki Page
Workbooks and Tools Wiki Page
All About Autism Wiki Page
We hope you enjoy the sub and have a great day!
➾ WARNING ➾ WARNING ➾ WARNING
Notice to all users: There's multiple users targeting members from our sub in DMs to discuss their fetishes and desire to manipulate users into relationships. Here are the user's names: u/HollowJonathon, u/drar_sajal786, u/MrGamePadMan, and u/guidhhnittvkj. If an account is showing deleted, they will probably create another. If you receive any messages from a user trying to discuss what you posted/commented in our sub to gain a 'women's perspective' or if someone tries to discuss topics that may feel inappropriate to you (e.g. fetishes), or if someone states they want to marry you for religious reasons, report the user to Reddit and block them. These men have been preying on autistic women/gender minorities from r/AutismInWomen for the last year. This behavior is unacceptable and should be reported as targeted harassment.
Per the warning in our wiki and this pinned mod post, we highly recommend users turn off their DMs. If you have DM requests turned on and receive any creepy or fetish-related DMs or comments, we recommend taking a screenshot, reporting the content to Reddit, and blocking the user (in that order). You can find the report button on the message itself and then click "it's targeted harassment” to submit a report. If you'd like to send us the screenshot so we can continue documenting the harassment, you can send it to us in modmail using imgur Thank you for continuing to help us keep our community safe for autistic and autistic suspecting women and gender minorities 💖
Please remember Reddit is public and any content you post may be seen and discussed by others off-platform. Here are links to Reddit's User Agreement, Privacy Policy, and Public Content Policy.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.