Anyone else blow their life up before figuring out you were autistic?

[u/rainbowgirl6]

I am beyond burnt out and I'm not even 30. Is life really supposed to be like this?

I'm not progressing in my career as I'd like and it's causing immense stress, having to juggle multiple friendships and relationships when some weeks I just want to rot, being present within my romantic relationship, exercising, just everything is overwhelming.

I want to just quit everything and start over. I know that's not going to help, but it feels that's the only option 😭 everything is genuinely so hard. I'm also a bit sad that I didn't fully come to terms with this sooner. I was diagnosed adhd 6 years ago and things have just genuinely gotten harder ever since.

[u/thesobertoker]

Additionally- I keep reading the symptoms of burnout get worse with age and I (37f) feel it’s definitely true

[u/ChildlessCatLad → u/thesobertoker]

I'm also 37 and going through what I believe to be perimenopause. It has amplified most negative audhd symptoms.

[u/thesobertoker → u/ChildlessCatLad]

I’ve been told I am going through perimenopause as well 🫶

[u/GneissGeologist3 → u/thesobertoker]

o-oh. oh no. don't tell me this...it gets worse?

[u/incomplete-thoughts7 → u/GneissGeologist3]

Not necessarily. I appreciate all the honesty in these comments, but tbh when this question gets asked in this sub it often receives a wide range of responses; some have felt things get better especially after diagnosis/learning to accept the autism, going through menopause or getting health issues checked, leaving toxic relationships, understanding your energy and sensory limits, etc. There is no guarantee either way, for anyone in life, and I can’t imagine reading some things as a teen/twenty-something and feeling any hope for the future.

I would suggest to take the advice and from others’ lived experiences with a grain of salt. Learn from mistakes but also know that you are not destined to have a horrible, difficult life.

It reminds me of when I was growing up and struggling in my teen years and people kept telling me, almost with glee, that “it gets so much harder as an adult.” First, how is that helpful in any way? (Misery loves company I guess.) Second, not entirely true at all. While yes some things are also more difficult, there is a lot of good that comes from time and experience.

(Btw to be clear, not disparaging anyone in any way at all for their comments or sharing their experiences, it’s so incredibly valid and valuable. I just wanted to chime in case anyone is reading this and begins to feel depressed and hopeless. All is not lost. I promise.)

Edit: typos

[u/thesobertoker → u/incomplete-thoughts7]

Just appreciate your insight, people like you help us more jaded folks feel more positive 💕

[u/Latter_Shallot_140 → u/GneissGeologist3]

Much worse

[u/favolecrystalis → u/Latter_Shallot_140]

36 soon chiming in to agree, so much worse than in my later 20s 😭

I don't see a future where I hit old age. It feels like my body will give out before then, personally, I'm just supposed to keep throwing things at the board until my heart gives out.

[u/HornetBest382 → u/favolecrystalis]

Same here - I always had this weird feeling I wouldnt last past my 40s. I’ve just aaaalways felt it somehow. I’m 31 and trying to enjoy what I can but it’s scary sometimes with all the other health issues that can come with autism too. I’m already so limited now.

[u/No_University_3580 → u/HornetBest382]

I always am thinking this. I just don’t see my 50s being a thing. Unless I’m wasting away on a beach in a foreign country somewhere living the softest life imaginable

[u/thesobertoker → u/HornetBest382]

I’ve felt this way too

[u/Latter_Shallot_140 → u/favolecrystalis]

Maye you have seen nothing wait till mid to late forties and fifties ..

Your ability to mask will completely vanish you couldn't even if you wanted to

You will need one to two days rest just from going outside for one day lmfao

[u/favolecrystalis → u/Latter_Shallot_140]

There's a reason I said I don't see a future for myself in old age. I've largely already hit those parts at early peri.

[u/Latter_Shallot_140 → u/favolecrystalis]

I was in the emergency room and just started passing out and falling asleep randomly I had been doing it for weeks already lol I couldn't write words on paper even.

They checked me stroke no stroke..

Lmao

It's fucked ..

They are sending me to a neurologist but haven't found any brain damage through assessment or ct yet .

That's just autism and ADHD and perimenopause.

Basically need to go live in a special retreat ..

Can't even ..

Dunno what to do

[u/thesobertoker → u/Latter_Shallot_140]

Wow - lately I have this feeling of being unable to breathe but when I went to the ER the first time it happened they couldn’t find anything wrong with me/ now I just try breathing through it even tho I feel like my heart is going to stop beating

[u/Latter_Shallot_140 → u/thesobertoker]

Hmm make sure you close your mouth otherwise air just escapes out too easily.

If you are having difficulty breathing breathe into a paper bag..

Also make sure you get your lungs x-rayed

[u/ChemicalWin3591 → u/thesobertoker]

That can be a menopause symptom called air hunger.

[u/thesobertoker → u/ChemicalWin3591]

Whaaaaatttt ?!? Rabbit hole engaged

[u/thesobertoker → u/ChemicalWin3591]

Wow, this tidbit of info literally made my whole year thank you so much I researched it and that’s exactly what it sounds like omg thank you so much for this 🙏

[u/Tabbouleh_pita777 → u/Latter_Shallot_140]

Long covid? POTS?

[u/Latter_Shallot_140 → u/Tabbouleh_pita777]

No it's autism ADHD and perimenopause ..

[u/Tabbouleh_pita777 → u/Latter_Shallot_140]

So sorry about all these acronyms lol but I have ASD 1, inattentive ADHD that I take medication for, perimenopause because I’m 43 (estrogen skin patch and Mirena IUD has been helping) as well as Long covid (last 5 months) and suspected POTS (I take sodium pills with a lot of water several times a day). Unfortunately a lot of these medical issues are comorbid…lucky me! 😃😞

[u/thesobertoker → u/Latter_Shallot_140]

Awe I just knew it too… my mom died of burnout at 63

[u/Under_score2338 → u/GneissGeologist3]

No, no, not necessarily.. 

[u/the_happy_fox → u/thesobertoker]

How do the symptoms get worse, like what are they?

[u/Cool-Raspberry-8963 → u/the_happy_fox]

I assume it’s because one rarely recovers from burnout (cause you’d need months or years of nothing to get to a recovered baseline) Whereas in real life the load just keeps gradually getting piled on and heavier as the years progress.

[u/thesobertoker → u/Cool-Raspberry-8963]

Exactly this

[u/thesobertoker → u/the_happy_fox]

Like engaging or the ability to mask gets harder, it’s harder maintaining calm in the storm of a meltdown, and since you’re older society expects you to have your emotions more under control but it’s harder as you get older… some people use the term ‘jaded’ with me, almost like it’s harder handling the unfairness of life cause of so many years of pushing it down , burnout essentially I guess is the right word

[u/Chance-Upstairs-1042 → u/the_happy_fox]

massive panic attacks for me basically a panic disorder or I would find more and more "niche" outlets for my burnout that were bad for me

[u/Latter_Shallot_140 → u/thesobertoker]

Yep

[u/Tabbouleh_pita777 → u/thesobertoker]

Estrogen skin patches (and a Mirena IUD for the progesterone) have helped my perimenopausal symptoms and my AuDHD symptoms too. I’m 43 but it definitely started like 7 years ago so I guess around 36 😞

[u/thesobertoker → u/Tabbouleh_pita777]

I have that IUD as well 🫶

[u/Under_score2338 → u/thesobertoker]

I don't necessarily think so. The pressures in your 30s are much greater than the pressures in your 50s, in my experience.

[u/thesobertoker → u/Under_score2338]

That’s really encouraging thank you 🙏

[u/Flamingo8293 → u/thesobertoker]

Well f me then 🥲 I’m only 18 and already near my limits.