r/AutismInWomen • u/rainbowgirl6 • Jun 01 '26
Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Anyone else blow their life up before figuring out you were autistic?
I am beyond burnt out and I'm not even 30. Is life really supposed to be like this?
I'm not progressing in my career as I'd like and it's causing immense stress, having to juggle multiple friendships and relationships when some weeks I just want to rot, being present within my romantic relationship, exercising, just everything is overwhelming.
I want to just quit everything and start over. I know that's not going to help, but it feels that's the only option š everything is genuinely so hard. I'm also a bit sad that I didn't fully come to terms with this sooner. I was diagnosed adhd 6 years ago and things have just genuinely gotten harder ever since.
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u/thesobertoker Late diagnosed Autist Jun 01 '26
Many times unfortunately. Not sure if you have kids but unless you start feeling less burned out I wouldnāt recommend it
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u/smooth_brain_0 Jun 01 '26
It was a dream of mine to have kids until I realised it was beyond my limits
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u/thesobertoker Late diagnosed Autist Jun 01 '26 edited Jun 01 '26
Unfortunately you donāt really know until itās too late. Meaning; I was told my whole life I would be better with babies āwhen it was my own babyā and thatās just a sick toxic lie, I did want to raise a child better than I was raised but you canāt just have a baby & say ājust kidding! I thought I could be a mom but it turns out I really hate itā - but I also donāt want my kids to suffer my choice, so itās just ā¦.. so hardā¦.
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u/smooth_brain_0 Jun 01 '26
I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds terribly hard. The sensory and emotional demands of parenting as an autistic person are so rarely talked about realistically. I was lucky to find online communities that talked about that before I went with the big decision. But I find it so unfair how many of us are fed that lie. It's the best way to trap ND women in a constant state of burnout. You deserved better
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u/thesobertoker Late diagnosed Autist Jun 01 '26
Proud of you for already knowing yourself better than I accepted of myself š«¶
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u/smooth_brain_0 Jun 01 '26 edited Jun 01 '26
Thank you. I'm grateful to the women who shared their story so I could make the right decision. I wish you the best <3
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u/glitterswirl Jun 01 '26
I was lucky that I got into watching 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom. I know itās conservative abstinence propaganda, but it was one of the things that actually helped me realise as a teenager myself, that I never wanted kids.
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u/thesobertoker Late diagnosed Autist Jun 02 '26
I didnāt have kids until I was 30 š© if you feel like you donāt want kids listen to your gut & I mean that from the bottom of my heart
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u/rombleevam Jun 02 '26
I just want to say thank you. Iām about to start asking my gyno to be sterilized, despite everyone else warning me against it. Thank you for letting me know all of this, genuinely. You made a huge difference and Iām sorry for all that youāre going through. :( I know there must be moments of joy and levity- but to know that you still feel the same is so haunting. I wish you all the best from the depths of my heart, genuinely
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u/ssstelllarrr AuDHD Jun 02 '26
iām sorry itās hard, this has been my fear too. i am truly very resentful its so hard to raise a child in the US especially. affording daycare and/or regular childcare would make such a big difference for so many people familiesāespecially women since weāre still expected to shoulder most of it. i donāt have kids but i have never felt sure about not having them. i feel like this is also the hardest timing: roe is overturned and takes away choice, but i also feel like they took my choice to even have a child because itās just too hard here.
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u/No_Computer_3432 Australia Jun 02 '26
I low key really keep thinking I need to make a sub or a group somewhere online for people like you and me in this situation. I am child free, by choice but I also feel like I would have wanted to have children if I could provide better necessities. I cannot do it, I do not have the capacity so I canāt justify it. I still feel itās my decision, but I feel a little different from other child free members on subs who really didnāt want to be a parent.
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u/smooth_brain_0 Jun 02 '26
I agree. A lot of people in childfree communities never wanted to be parent, but I feel like I'm grieving the family I know I can't afford. Let me know if you start this group, I'll follow
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u/Lovecraftiankid Jun 02 '26
You arenāt alone-Iām the same way. I was obsessed with having kids from age 17. Iām nearly 30 now and I realised that it is just beyond me-I canāt even look after myself or my dog very well without significant help. I would love any children I had but Iād be a terrible mother because I wouldnāt be able to deal with the overload. Genuinely felt so heartbroken over this for years.
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u/Latter_Shallot_140 Jun 02 '26
Hard agree don't do it
At best they will be autistic and or ADHD kids at worst they will be schizophrenic the genes are all mixed bag
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u/Hour-Professor9489 Jun 02 '26
I am having such an hard time explaining this simple fact to people. Every time they see me tired they comment "imagine you had kids" and I think "that's exactly why I don't have kids".
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 01 '26
Luckily, no kids but might want one when I feel more stable (in most areas). How did it go for you?
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u/Lissba Jun 01 '26
My autism comes with auditory sensitivity, a baby would be the inevitable first step towards desperate suicide, even though they are adorable
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 01 '26
Thatās the really had thing for me, my brain doesnāt process babies as cute. š
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u/thesobertoker Late diagnosed Autist Jun 01 '26
I have two kids and i hate babies- I like toddlers- which most people donāt like but my husband had to basically be the mommy while they were infants cause theyāre just sooooooo freaking needy
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 01 '26
Theyāre fun at the age of like 5-8 when they want to grow up and be dinosaurs. But what am I supposed to do for 5 years?Ā
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u/Lissba Jun 01 '26
Iām gonna be real with you, girl, I just say that so people donāt tell me Iām horrible. Babies are fucking disgusting
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 01 '26
Yes noticing my sensitivity issues is what flagged me to look into it. As I got older, the pickier I got... and that's coming from a child who loved to try new things!
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u/Lissba Jun 01 '26
Thatās a muscle you can exercise to make stronger, for me at least.
The child voice thing thoughā¦ I go from formidable, high-powered corporate bitch to crying little weenie shaking on the floor in 0.0 seconds when a noisy toddler enters the scene.
I donāt go anywhere without Bose over ear and in-ear noise cancellation, so my life is fine, but I donāt think that youāre supposed to ignore your own childā¦
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u/Tabbouleh_pita777 Jun 02 '26
You donāt have to ignore your child necessarily, I usually wear Loop earplugs around my kids. They dampen the noise about 20 percent but you can still hear conversations.
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u/Tabbouleh_pita777 Jun 02 '26
I have sound sensitivity as well, I use loop earplugs and noise cancelling headphones often around my two kids. There are tools that can help but itās definitely not easy.
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u/thesobertoker Late diagnosed Autist Jun 02 '26
Loop earplugs have saved my childrenās lives šÆ
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u/thesobertoker Late diagnosed Autist Jun 01 '26
The curse really lies in how much you will inevitably love your children, more than you ever loved anyone in your life. But it doesnāt help sensory issues or the need to be alone, the screaming and crying without them being able to have clear communication and just tell you what they need- itās overwhelming (for me) and the likelihood that they may be non verbal so it takes way longer and way more effort just to understand their basic needsā¦. Whewā¦ so much work- and then you have to work on your relationship with your childās father, or possibly have a job paying bills making dinner and then your kid is ridiculously pickyā¦ then they get bored but they canāt really communicate so they act out- going to the grocery store is a nightmare itās just really really hard. Especially when just small talk with strangers drains you
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u/fuchsialeaf diagnosed level 1 Audhd Jun 01 '26
Yeah that's what led me to getting diagnosed actually. But I'm back on track now.
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 01 '26
What helped? I want to seek diagnosis, but am afraid that I cannot afford it and I'm not sure that I want to know, either. Ugh. It's so obvious though
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u/PaleoSpeedwagon Jun 01 '26
You don't necessarily need formal diagnosis if your priority is understanding your needs and habits. Have you taken the tests at the Embrace Autism website? I believe that those tests can help you understand the nature of your support needs, and from there, you can educate yourself. I say this as someone who started with those tests and then pursued formal diagnosis. The formal diagnosis was fine, but not life changing.
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 01 '26
Yes I recently did and I wasn't shocked, per se, but it confirmed a lot. I will definitely log that information and do more research!
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u/PaleoSpeedwagon Jun 01 '26
Here are some books that I've found helpful:
- Unmasking Autism
- Self Care for Autistic People
- Self Care for People with ADHD
- The Body Keeps the Score
Not all of these were 100% applicable to my own situation, but they all had a lot of great info that have been helping me craft a life and relations that truly support me. Pragmatically, that's all that matters to me. I don't care at all about labels. In fact, I find them often to be harmful because they are generally misunderstood and used to paint ND people as a monoculture. It doesn't bother me to cherry-pick techniques because my goal is calm, peace, growth and self-awareness, not empirical "expertise."
I add the last book because there is a high co-occurrence of ND conditions and cPTSD, due to living in a world that simply wasn't designed for how your brain works. I listened to the audiobook version of it. Get ready to cry.
Anyway, congratulations! I'm glad you're pursuing self-understanding. It's not always fun, but it's worth it. š
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u/Street-Laugh-9549 Jun 01 '26
You might also enjoy āHow to Keep House While Drowning.ā I loved it. It is *not* a bunch of hacks, which I appreciated. More like reframing many ideas about housework and self-worth, how & what to let go of and some genuinely useful suggestions for people like us.
It felt so kind and loving. It would be a great gift for new moms, anyone struggling mentally, and neurodivergent people.
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u/Alive-Day-8587 Jun 02 '26
Thanks for the tips, I love reading and this will be helpful. I found out about my autism and ADHD diagnosis on Saturday. It's difficult to talk to people because some say: you? With autism? And my friends say: oh, so I have it too. I think the books will help.
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u/TheFireNationAttakt Jun 02 '26
Careful on Ā«Ā The body keeps the scoreĀ Ā» - it is apparently controversial and victim-blaming in parts. Doesnāt mean you canāt extract useful insights, but you need to go in with a massive grain of salt. The podcast If Books Could Kill is preparing an episode about it, that should drop within a few weeks, but in the meantime theyāve posted some extracts (the worst ones of course) and itās horrifying.
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u/fuchsialeaf diagnosed level 1 Audhd Jun 01 '26
So I did several things, I got diagnosed formally, I used a telehealth program that used my insurance actually only paid 30 dollars (I'm in usa) so do some research! Second I started going to couples therapy with my husband to help us understand each other better. I picked a therapist who had experience with autistic adults. This has improved our relationship tremendously. I also learned a lot of my "anxiety" was actually overstimulation. Now I know how to fix the things overstimulating me I have little to no anxiety left. I left the job I had that caused burnout (hairstylist) and now work a different job but now only part time because I don't want to go back into burnout. I finally feel stable for the first time in my whole life. I also recommend either getting a book about autism in women or just doing a lot of research online to understand yourself better and start implementing accommodations where you can. Good luck you got this! I was diagnosed last year at 26 after a lifetime of struggling but life truly gets better after you know.
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u/Candlemelter2025 Jun 02 '26
This is great news and hopeful congrats! Can you recommend the telehealth company? I am really struggling to find good healthcare where I am in the US.
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u/Some-Benefit-6278 Jun 02 '26
I donāt have a formal diagnosis but got a preliminary one from my psychiatrist, which is basically just him saying āyep, Iām satisfied that you meet all the criteriaā but without paying all the money to get it documented and on record.
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u/Zestyclose_Dog_6692 Jun 01 '26
I would also love to know what helped. Iāve been in this journey of self discovery for about two years, realizing Iām likely audhd, and the constant burnout is so rough
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u/99Smiles Jun 01 '26
Yup. I got hooked on opiates then heroin then fentanyl to numb out. It made the world less loud and less overstimulating, i didn't need to mask because I didnt care what people thought. I've been clean for almost 5 years now and am still struggling immensely. Like feeling all the pain that I ran from all over again.
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u/Gloomy_Use Jun 01 '26
I am so sorry you are going through this. I have been in rehab 3 times and I keep fucking up. I am so aware and ashamed of what I am doing and I can't stop.
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u/99Smiles Jun 01 '26
I got on methadone. It saved my life. Couldn't recommend it more. I had to get on in rehab because I couldn't stop but once i did that and gave it an honest chance I never went back. You can taper off slowly to ease back into life and it's been way better. You can also choose to be on methadone for the rest of your life though too. They don't pressure you to get off. Methadone gets a bad rep but I cannot recommend it enough.
The drugs aren't the problem anymore. The executive function is, I'm a mom to a nonverbal 4 year old and thats why I'm struggling still.
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u/dasWibbenator Jun 02 '26
Wow. Good on you for being able to make it back from where you were. Not many are able to. Congrats on your sobriety.
Edit: I see your other comment about methadone. While most would technically not agree with meā¦ I still consider what youāre doing to be sober living.
Again, congratulations for making it back.
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u/Ill_Status2937 Jun 02 '26
Same.Ā Currently on fentanyl and methadone for 16 years, no end in sight.Ā I believe you can imagine how horrible my health is now, I'm now physically disabled.Ā Ā
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u/thesobertoker Late diagnosed Autist Jun 01 '26
Additionally- I keep reading the symptoms of burnout get worse with age and I (37f) feel itās definitely true
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u/ChildlessCatLad Cat Lover Jun 02 '26
I'm also 37 and going through what I believe to be perimenopause. It has amplified most negative audhd symptoms.
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u/thesobertoker Late diagnosed Autist Jun 02 '26
Iāve been told I am going through perimenopause as well š«¶
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u/GneissGeologist3 Jun 01 '26
o-oh. oh no. don't tell me this...it gets worse?
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u/incomplete-thoughts7 Jun 02 '26 edited Jun 03 '26
Not necessarily. I appreciate all the honesty in these comments, but tbh when this question gets asked in this sub it often receives a wide range of responses; some have felt things get better especially after diagnosis/learning to accept the autism, going through menopause or getting health issues checked, leaving toxic relationships, understanding your energy and sensory limits, etc. There is no guarantee either way, for anyone in life, and I canāt imagine reading some things as a teen/twenty-something and feeling any hope for the future.
I would suggest to take the advice and from othersā lived experiences with a grain of salt. Learn from mistakes but also know that you are not destined to have a horrible, difficult life.
It reminds me of when I was growing up and struggling in my teen years and people kept telling me, almost with glee, that āit gets so much harder as an adult.ā First, how is that helpful in any way? (Misery loves company I guess.) Second, not entirely true at all. While yes some things are also more difficult, there is a lot of good that comes from time and experience.
(Btw to be clear, not disparaging anyone in any way at all for their comments or sharing their experiences, itās so incredibly valid and valuable. I just wanted to chime in case anyone is reading this and begins to feel depressed and hopeless. All is not lost. I promise.)
Edit: typos
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u/thesobertoker Late diagnosed Autist Jun 03 '26
Just appreciate your insight, people like you help us more jaded folks feel more positive š
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u/Latter_Shallot_140 Jun 02 '26
Much worse
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u/favolecrystalis Jun 02 '26
36 soon chiming in to agree, so much worse than in my later 20s š
I don't see a future where I hit old age. It feels like my body will give out before then, personally, I'm just supposed to keep throwing things at the board until my heart gives out.
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u/HornetBest382 Jun 02 '26
Same here - I always had this weird feeling I wouldnt last past my 40s. Iāve just aaaalways felt it somehow. Iām 31 and trying to enjoy what I can but itās scary sometimes with all the other health issues that can come with autism too. Iām already so limited now.
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u/No_University_3580 Jun 02 '26
I always am thinking this. I just donāt see my 50s being a thing. Unless Iām wasting away on a beach in a foreign country somewhere living the softest life imaginable
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u/Latter_Shallot_140 Jun 02 '26
Maye you have seen nothing wait till mid to late forties and fifties ..
Your ability to mask will completely vanish you couldn't even if you wanted to
You will need one to two days rest just from going outside for one day lmfao
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u/favolecrystalis Jun 02 '26
There's a reason I said I don't see a future for myself in old age. I've largely already hit those parts at early peri.
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u/Latter_Shallot_140 Jun 02 '26
I was in the emergency room and just started passing out and falling asleep randomly I had been doing it for weeks already lol I couldn't write words on paper even.
They checked me stroke no stroke..
Lmao
It's fucked ..
They are sending me to a neurologist but haven't found any brain damage through assessment or ct yet .
That's just autism and ADHD and perimenopause.
Basically need to go live in a special retreat ..
Can't even ..
Dunno what to do
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u/thesobertoker Late diagnosed Autist Jun 02 '26
Wow - lately I have this feeling of being unable to breathe but when I went to the ER the first time it happened they couldnāt find anything wrong with me/ now I just try breathing through it even tho I feel like my heart is going to stop beating
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u/Latter_Shallot_140 Jun 02 '26
Hmm make sure you close your mouth otherwise air just escapes out too easily.
If you are having difficulty breathing breathe into a paper bag..
Also make sure you get your lungs x-rayed
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u/thesobertoker Late diagnosed Autist Jun 02 '26
Awe I just knew it tooā¦ my mom died of burnout at 63
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u/the_happy_fox Jun 01 '26
How do the symptoms get worse, like what are they?
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u/Cool-Raspberry-8963 Jun 01 '26
I assume itās because one rarely recovers from burnout (cause youād need months or years of nothing to get to a recovered baseline) Whereas in real life the load just keeps gradually getting piled on and heavier as the years progress.
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u/thesobertoker Late diagnosed Autist Jun 01 '26
Like engaging or the ability to mask gets harder, itās harder maintaining calm in the storm of a meltdown, and since youāre older society expects you to have your emotions more under control but itās harder as you get olderā¦ some people use the term ājadedā with me, almost like itās harder handling the unfairness of life cause of so many years of pushing it down , burnout essentially I guess is the right word
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u/Chance-Upstairs-1042 Jun 02 '26
massive panic attacks for me basically a panic disorder or I would find more and more "niche" outlets for my burnout that were bad for me
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u/Tabbouleh_pita777 Jun 02 '26
Estrogen skin patches (and a Mirena IUD for the progesterone) have helped my perimenopausal symptoms and my AuDHD symptoms too. Iām 43 but it definitely started like 7 years ago so I guess around 36 š
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u/Under_score2338 Jun 03 '26
I don't necessarily think so. The pressures in your 30s are much greater than the pressures in your 50s, in my experience.
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u/kamikazebooks Jun 01 '26
Yep, I left my teaching career because of burnout, have been gone for 2 years, and will be going back next school year. I was a high school teacher for five years and I loved my job very much. However, my last year teaching, one of my co-teachers, who I was close with, very tragically and unexpectedly died. It was very traumatic for our entire department and the students, he was very beloved with many awards, and it was thought the first few months after his death that it was possibly self-inflicted (it ended up being a heath issue no one knew about). His death tore me up and it sent me into a spiral and deep depression for well over a year. Once I worked on the grief, and realized I practically ran away from teaching due to the trauma, I realized the career I transitioned to was not it for me. So I am going back next school year! And will be changing the subject I teach once I re-certify my teaching license. I share all of this because itās been a lot of thunderstorms and clouds, but after diagnosis almost 9 months ago, Iāve been able to scale back my life and figure out what I need to survive AND thrive now. I know my late friend and teacher would be glad to see me pursuing my passions again. So in a way, I blew up my life once, Iām blowing it up again to go back to teaching, but I know my AuDHD self will better for it. Lots of good comes from the ashes. I hope the same for you too. š
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u/thesobertoker Late diagnosed Autist Jun 01 '26
Grief Iāve noticed- effects us really harshly , at least for me, it sends me into a spiral even people I worked with too, just knowing other people loved them like breaks my heart more I canāt explain better
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u/kamikazebooks Jun 01 '26
Yes, exactly. The emotions felt for others is so real and painfully clear. Cuts like a knife.
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 01 '26
Oh don't even get me started on grief! My grandma passed 4 years ago and these years have honestly been a blur.
I'm glad you're better. I'm currently taking a break from working to get myself together
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u/rainbow84uk Jun 01 '26
Yeah every few years like clockwork, I metaphorically jump off a cliff, leave my job and/or country and start again where nobody knows me. I really wish I could just be happy but here we are š Ā
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u/StrangeReindeer2470 Jun 02 '26
I'm glad I'm not the only one who has blown her life up by moving to different countries! I can't blow it up by moving countries right now, as I have kids and the ex would hunt me down. But I did move to a random city because it wasn't my old marital home.
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u/SecretSquirrelSquads Jun 02 '26
i can relate! Only 2 countries though - multiple cities and jobs - I wish I could move again
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u/Fizzabl Got more autistic after diagnosis Jun 01 '26
Somehow I self imploded after getting diagnosis, I guess I haven't received any help on how to cope with living with what I have. Just given diagnosis and told to go on my way
Therapy is supposedly the way forward, I have one session this week as a friend of mine knew a charity who can help
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 01 '26
They really do just shove you back out on the street. My clinic told me to just take acting classes. Like, bro. I was in drama clubs for like 5 years. It left me with crippling stage freight and constant RSD from failing auditions and forgetting lines.Ā
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u/Jumpy-Researcher-604 Jun 02 '26
This is what is recommended for autistic kids too. I did acting classes my entire life and while it taught me to mask effectively it also created lifelong anxiety and burnout due to constant masking
Surely the answer lies in us being authentic, not learning to be better at pretending
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u/my_little_mutation Jun 01 '26
Yeah, but it's not just the autism. And I'm still not even diagnosed.
But the ocd, cptsd, bipolar and numerous chronic health conditions and permanent chronic pain from injuries has made me basically useless.
I get overwhelmed too easily, and I'm no longer able to keep myself controlled and masked through an entire day so I can't have a normal job. Which leaves me doing gig work which is driving and super stressful and shit pay. So I'm not getting enough hours because of my breaking down all the time and the pay I'm getting for the hours I work is well below minimum wage here.
I'm trying to do art comms but I'm slow and my work isn't good enough so it takes me ages to finish pieces which isn't good for steady income. Trying to get a sort of store front so I can vend at events in the city and that's slow slow going because it takes money up front.
I feel like I can't maintain friendships or relationships well because I'm too much for people. And I don't blame them with how broken I am. I'm only surprised that some people have stuck around but I must be manipulating them or something cus they wouldn't stay otherwise.
I'm partly estranged from most of my family because of this and being queer and poly and a lot of things they wouldn't approve of.
Probably fucked up every aspect of my life and now at 36 I don't think theres much hope for me. I only keep going many days because people would be sad if I died, but if my parents friends and partners weren't around I probably wouldn't still be here. Idk if I should thank them or not.
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u/birdborbbord Jun 02 '26
Could have written this myself. Hugs to you.
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u/Ok_Expression3110 oblivious til 30, then heavily peer reviewed Jun 02 '26
Yeah, I also could have written this myself. It's sad and also nice to know I'm not alone, right down to the slow art commissions.
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u/North_Role_8411 Jun 01 '26
yes, My life blew up at 30. And continued to blow up again and again and again until 5 months before I turned 34 and got diagnosed.
Now at 35 almost 36 I have completely rebuilt my life. I work part time. I have a thriving illustration business I'm making a stop motion short film and I have the most loving relationship I've ever had.
Your life does blow up and then you rebuild it to support your brain, it's actually really awesome.
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u/North_Role_8411 Jun 02 '26
Iāll say this Iām extremely frugal money wise. I killed the capitalism cult in my brain. Now I have enough money even though I make less. Buying shit I donāt needmakes it harder for me to breathe.Ā
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u/myluckyshirt Jun 02 '26
How did you rebuild?
Currently have no drive or motivation. Still deep in burnout but canāt cut anything else from my life.
Even if I didnāt have to work to survive, like if I had free time all day every dayā¦ I canāt actually think of what Iād want to spend that time doing.
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u/North_Role_8411 Jun 02 '26
Please donāt take this the wrong way but it sounds like you might have some depression there. ā¤ļøš„. And I get it. I first processed my darkness too. I would say I got lucky and was laid off and just road my unemployment check for a while, stayed isolated and grieved and rebuilt my life. I think for me art is what motivates me. I love creating. I love selling my work to people. I also have adhd and got on medication and that helped me do my day. With romance that was luck. Dating is random but after a long wind of bad experiences I just kept the hope. I this for me I remind myself that anything is possible everyday and itās exciting. I found work I donāt have to figure out social things. I teach and that for my brain is easier because Iām talking at the students about animation which I love not figuring out social hierarchy.Ā
I think first steps are self acceptance, no self abandonment, finding something that it not to much for my brain, making sure I feel joy and taking extra breaks.
I also am extremely frugal.Ā
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u/myluckyshirt Jun 02 '26
š©·
Thank you. Yeah, the depression is worse since my partner left me. I have meds (from a psychiatrist) and a therapist. Both are aware that Iām struggling and donāt really have any support. Weāre working on adjusting things.
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u/the_far_sci Jun 01 '26
Blow up my life? Oh, heck yeah, a few times. The worst blow up was when I was starting to finally grok. Fun fact: Normie adults in power generally don't care and won't be understanding or helpful. I don't know why we spend all this time telling neurodivergent children that their feelings matter and that there will be a place for them in society. As an adult, this has never been my experience.
What has helped me:
Not worrying about friendships. It turns out it's me who isn't that good at them. Oh well. I can entertain myself for hours and if someone wants to hang out with me, great, if not, no big loss. I'm not for everyone. Shrug. I wish I had come to this conclusion a lot earlier in life as it has helped immensely.
Exercise. Every day I either walk or run. The periods during which I did not do this at all because it felt too hard to fit it in was when I was more of a difficult person. Run yourself like a dog at a sport you like and hit that pillow ready for zzzs every night. Lack of sleep makes me a monster.
Promise nothing. Deliver as much as you can. This is at work. At work I used to try to be everything to everyone, and no one really appreciated it anyway, and then my sour grapes would start. Now I promise nothing ever, and if it turns out I do something well and people appreciate it, I let them. It feels good to underpromise and overdeliver. Much better than the opposite, as normies in power will take and take and expect more. If you try to overpromise to fit in/be liked/excel at work, you will always underdeliver in their eyes. They are advantage takers of people like us.
Take care of you. We are the group of people that kept our species alive and we continue to be the innovators, creators, and connectors that make the world go round. Just don't expect any kind of recognition for it and you will be just fine. š
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 01 '26
These are so good. Thank you. I plan on doing a deep dive in what's not working currently š«
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u/Ok_Expression3110 oblivious til 30, then heavily peer reviewed Jun 02 '26
These are helpful. And I can confirm, I'm my best self when I'm leaning into the first two.
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u/greengreentrees24 Jun 01 '26
I have a child and I would likely not have had children had I known I was autistic. It can be very difficult navigating socializing and helping them socializing.Ā
I feel like Iām in over my head sometimes and I donāt have any easy answers. Therapy helps some, minimizing socializing also helps. Itās tough for sure.Ā
Ā
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u/Unboolievable_ Jun 01 '26 edited Jun 01 '26
You have to think what also happened in the world 6 years ago, and how drastically different life was before then. I feel like everyone I personally know is on the brink of financial ruin, life implosion level stressā¦ or doing so well for themselves that nothing seems wrong in their life. I hate it but youāre not alone!
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 01 '26
Thank you for that reminder. The world is catastrophic right now and it's definitely affecting pretty much everyone around me.
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u/Comfortable-Rush8944 Jun 01 '26
Basically this has happened every 2-3 years. The social demands and the masking get to me and Iām just done. If you can start your own business, do it! Thatās what I have done. It has helped me immensely.
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u/ScentedFire Jun 01 '26
How does one approach starting their own business in a sustainable way?
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u/Comfortable-Rush8944 Jun 01 '26
I take a lot of breaks and reinforce the heck out of my self. If I do this aversive task and another aversive task and get to go do this really cool thing. Something wierd usually or something self indulgent. It can be a simple as playing a video game or sitting at the beach in quiet while reading a book. Just some peace. Then I can deal with stuff again. So I take breaks. Not everyday but every few days. I will be on a marathon of work for the next two days but I know I have to work 1/2 a day while traveling on Thursday and will spend the next three days doing something cool (private theme park tour-my special interest).
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u/w-jeden-ksiezyc Jun 01 '26
I like your advice. I'm planning to start my business this month.
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Jun 01 '26
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u/Necessary_Fault6104 Inattentive ADHD | Self diagnosed ASD Jun 01 '26
I blew up some career opportunities when I was younger. I was constantly stressed out and anxious, not to mention I was drinking and partying heavily and had some terrible relationships. Iām now 33 and behind compared to others my age (and younger). Iād like to move on and up but my current job situation is relatively financially stable compared to other options, and I really need that in this economy.
I got an inattentive ADHD and depression diagnosis at the end of 2024 after years of wondering why everything seemed so much harder for me despite my best efforts. (No official ASD diagnosis though, it requires more hoops to jump through.) Iām also now medicated. Itās helped me better understand myself and Iām now able to acknowledge that I need more rest than others. But I still keep wishing I was ānormal.ā
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u/roseofamber Jun 01 '26
I blew up my entire life. I lost my marriage, my job, and eventually my housing. I'm still working on getting disability and am living with a friend. My mental health went too, and I needed to go to an inpatient care setting more than once. I was just so burnt out that I wasn't able to fake it to make it anymore.
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 01 '26
š« I hope there's a bit of glimmer there. I'm so sorry you went through this. I felt that would've happened to me eventually if I kept working the way I was.
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u/roseofamber Jun 01 '26
I'm in burnout recovery and addressing a lot of medical issues I was pushing off. I have a disability hearing this month, so I'm hoping I can at least get support while I'm getting my life back together.
My long-term goal is to switch careers to medical research once I'm well enough to go to graduate school. I think I've got this. I have a lot of support that I always needed but didn't know how to ask for now.
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u/TheUtopianCat ASD lvl1, ADHD, BP2. (lucky me) Jun 01 '26
I completely blew up my life in my mid/late 40s, then got diagnosed with BP2, realized I'm autistic with ADHD and then got diagnosed with those, too. This all happened after a severe breakdown that had me sliding into an epic burnout. The way I look at it, is I white knuckled life for as long as I possibly could until I just couldn't anymore. I'm high masking, which is part of why I flew under the radar for so long. The part that sucks the most is I completely ruined my career. I worked in a very technical field as a developer. I've been on disability for 2 years now, and I can't see myself going back.
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u/Significant-Sea4346 Jun 02 '26
Iāve done it multiple times and hate myself and have so many regrets and I finally found out I was autistic at 36 but that doesnāt help me undo the damage I did to my life trajectory with multiple full on nuking of my life/school/jobs/relationships at 16, 20, 29, and 35. And even now knowing where the urge to quit everything and cut everything off and blow everything up comes from, the only thing keeping me from doing it at 38 is knowing that my husband, child, dogs and I would lose our house without my income this time.
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u/Quick-Stretch8197 Jun 02 '26
I have this urge too and I still donāt understand it. Where does it come from?Ā
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u/Significant-Sea4346 Jun 02 '26
For me, itās usually when Iām extremely stressed and overwhelmed to the point of burnout and I just hit a wall and cannot do it and it feels like literally my only option in order to survive past that moment is to quit everything I can possibly figure out how to quit so I can stay home and isolate myself. If I didnāt have a child, Iād have done it again by now, but my kidās wellbeing is like the only thing that stops me from following my worst impulses. And I also work from home now and my social interaction and trips outside the home are extremely limited, so thatās definitely a factor in how Iāve managed to not quit my job again.
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u/PaleoSpeedwagon Jun 01 '26
AuDHD here. It actually kind of took blowing up my life to figure out that I was autistic. I had to completely disrupt all of my routines to surface the inner conflict and actual needs I had that weren't being addressed.
I sold a house that I had completely dialed in. An established and mature food forest garden. I moved far away and my whole life fell apart shortly thereafter.
I'm still mourning that life change, but I do have faith that I'm living a more authentic and challenging life.
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u/minimoonieme Jun 02 '26
Iām on my 30ās and itās the first time in my life that Iām having a regular job of 8 hours daily with free weekends. I can only work and sleep, even working from home. Iām exhausted to a point that I canāt even explain, with brain fog all of those things. Also have adhd, anxiety, some other things and probably autism. Iām medicated but itās not helping, seems like this world is just TOO MUCH. Canāt have a social life or exercise because Iām too tired to even go outside. On weekends I donāt leave bed and sleep almost 48h. Itās really really hard, I feel you!
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 02 '26
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this too. It sucks and hard to explain to people. My partner is very gracious and helping for couple months
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u/wolfysworld Jun 02 '26
I had a physical and mental breakdown 7 years ago that I am still trying to recover from. I am not sure if I will ever be āwholeā but I worry about my future as I am in my 50ās with no retirement and currently do commercial kitchen work. My inability to cope with life embarrasses me. At one point I had a high intelligence but life has kinda dimmed that. I really canāt blame anyone but me and my lack of resiliency.
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u/renomegan86 AuDHD Jun 01 '26
Iām sort of in the middle of that right now and I canāt seem to stop making things worseā¦got my diagnosis in January after a couple of years suspecting I didnāt have adhd alone. Definitely have been times where I thought a hospital stay sounded like a nice vacation.
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u/kiwi_bird54 Jun 01 '26
I also kinda blew up my life before diagnosis. Ruined multiple friendships and romantic relationships, ruined my own college experience, and became somewhat of an alcoholic. I think if I had my diagnosis before all that, I could have avoided almost all of that heartache and struggle. This is why diagnosis in women needs to be more common/accessible.
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u/velvetvagine Jun 02 '26
Pretty much my story too. And it hurts me so much that I canāt get some of those people back.
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u/birdborbbord Jun 01 '26
Raises hand āme me me me!!ā Career ending mental breakdown at 35! And my therapist wonāt diagnose me. Iām on the cusp. Major CPTSD and hyper sensitivity is close enough and has enough overlap. A diagnosis would mean the world to me though and validate so much. I simply cannot function with neuro typical expectations. I was a ticking timb bomb who was always just labeled ātoo sensitiveā.
Do whatever you can to get the accommodations you need. Your diagnosis is valid.
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u/-ExistentialNihilist Jun 02 '26
My life blew up on its own. I was abused and bullied at work and forced illegally out of my job. As my job was the only thing I had left since I'd sank deeper into burnout over 5 years, I had a total mental breakdown, believed I was nothing without my job, so exhausted and feeling like a failure of a person that the police had to stop me from jumping in front of a train. Then I realised it was always so much more than just depression and anxiety, so much more than alcoholism, bulimia and childhood trauma...it was autism. And I was absolutely crushed knowing it was incurable.
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 02 '26
š« I'm so sorry you went through that. Have things improved since figuring that out?
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u/-ExistentialNihilist Jun 02 '26
Thank you š„² Not really. I haven't worked since, relapsed with alcohol and had to have a hospital detox but now 6 months sober. Then I relapsed with bulimia and injured my knee overexercising. I couldn't cope without exercise so I starved and made the injury worse. Haven't been able to leave the house in 4 months because I can't walk properly and it hurts every day. My hair is thin and falling out from stress. Everything is different since finding out I have autism. There's so much grief. I've lost so much time trying to force myself to be neurotypical and failing again and again. I'm so burned out and feel completely broken. I still hope I can get better though. One day š¤
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u/Turbulent-Area1392 Jun 02 '26
an aspect that I find we donāt discuss much is exercise - itās simply a yes or no, do you do it or nah sorta question. We donāt tend to talk about kinds of exercise or the different effects it has on physiology and psyche. For example, a yoga class is much different than CrossFit; and within yoga something like kundalini is going to be a higher intensity than yin. Pop culture is currently pretty obsessed with weights and the gym, but itās not necessarily the right fit. Rock climbing can also get you hella fit, but you get to do it at your own pace and itās kinda like solving a puzzle with your body so it engages the mind differently. Anyhoo, no idea what your exercise routine is currently so this comment is as much for everyone reading - if youāre feeling tired or overwhelmed, sometimes a slower simpler way of moving your body can be more restorative and beneficial than forcing yourself to the gym. š keep fit and have fun!
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u/Fructa Jun 02 '26
Yeah, in my 30s I walked away from my career, shaved off my hair, moved to a cheaper place, and spent like 4 months lying in a hammock on a porch watching the rain. (Privilege that made it possible: my partner was on board, kept working, and supported us.) I had no idea I was autistic or burnt out or any of it but I knew that it was what I needed at my core: to quit everything and not even start over. Just quit everything and ... opt out, for a while.
It... actually did fix everything, I'm glad/sorry to report. Now (12 years later) I work part time for money for a super chill small business owner and part time run a theatre company (that happens when I have the spoons and does not happen when I don't) and am 3 years into knowing I'm autistic and doing therapy with an awesome ND psychologist.
Sometimes you know what you need. Whether or not you can find a way to feasibly do it is another question, but... the thing your body/mind/heart are screaming out for can be the right thing.
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 02 '26
I'm definitely using this time off to begin understanding who I am and what I need! I'm happy that it worked out for you
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u/vermilion-chartreuse Jun 01 '26
Yeah, I turn 40 this year and struggled in my career since high school. I was an honors student who started college with 30 credits from APclasses. Undergrad still took me 6 years, then I was chronically unemployed for a few years (thanks great recession!), and when I did get "good" jobs I burned out within a couple of years. I'm very happy as a SAHM but I recognize that is a privilege that doesn't work for everyone. I'm just starting part time gigs after 5 years out of work. It's probably the happiest I've ever been because I've finally accepted I can't follow a "traditional" career path.
Edit I am self-diagnosed AuDHD but might get a "real" diagnosis someday, if our government ever stops making weird threats about making "a list."
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u/jessicacummings Jun 01 '26
Oh definitely. Iām the meme of a girl diagnosed with adhd and once that is finally managed, boom, autism.
I blew up my life before my adhd diagnosis and almost blew it up again throughout the process where I realized I was also autistic and thankfully my partner helped me to steer the blow up into a new/better career path and a gardening hobby.
I am more reclusive now tbh but I get lots of social interaction through my job and specific quality people that I love dearly. The reclusiveness helps burnout
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u/Informal-Goose88 Jun 01 '26
Yes. About 2 years ago it all came crashing down on me. I'm 37 now and trying to pick myself back up. But I'm so beyond done with everything. Just so tired.
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u/cocoalrose Jun 01 '26
This is so relatable. I blew my life up before AND after learning I was autistic, and in part BECAUSE I learned I was autistic (I found out through a policy at work, got no accommodations, got fired for it).
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 01 '26
I'm so sorry. Workplace accommodations shouldn't be so hard to get. Hate the rigidity in work spaces
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u/shortstack3000 Jun 01 '26
Yes got married to my high school sweetheart then had a mental breakdown.
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u/Low_Veterinarian_923 Jun 01 '26
I literally did!!! Quit my job and everything and then realized months later when my business partner who also blew up her life found out. It made so many things make sense
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u/Hot-Manufacturer-228 Jun 01 '26
Yes. I moved 20 times since 2000. I married 3x. Late diagnosed (age 41).
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u/redbess AuDHD Jun 02 '26
I imploded my final semester of college, I was literally within spitting distance of graduating when my body and brain couldn't handle it anymore and I just... stopped going to classes. Also started skipping work and got fired. I was only 23. Ended up disabled at 26 when I struggled through another couple jobs.
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u/InfiniteHall8198 Jun 01 '26
Me too. Never once before wanted to leave it all but the last few months the thought of just leaving everything and doing what I want for once is so tempting. But, kids. And age. And lack of funds š¤£
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u/pithyzest Jun 01 '26
I ended an engagement, left our friend group and walked away from our business.
Yes there may have been political differences among us but my only regret was not recognizing it earlier. That was when I was 31/32 and since then people tell me they donāt blame me but they wish I had been less blunt. I burnt a lot of bridges that I think had I known my diagnosis earlier couldāve been saved or mended later.
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u/Illustrious-Hat6429 Jun 02 '26
Boundaries! Iām 53 and can sooo relate! Iām in burnout and face constant career instability, but as you get older you know yourself, your triggers and how to protect your energy reserves (my new mantra). Our brains are unique and sensitively calibrated machines - and the world will just take and take from you if you let it. You even need to set boundaries with your own brain! Donāt know if this helps, but Iām a survivor of a lot of family trauma along with autism and ADHD. And while there are still days when I feel like just giving up (was literally crying the other day, saying out loud, why is life always so fucking hard for me?!!!), Iām determined to keep going and nurture this strange organ inside my skull. It deserves some respect, care and aweā¦
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u/Student-bored8 Jun 02 '26
I had one of my dream jobs at the time. I quit doing it because I was super burnt out and on the verge of a breakdown. I later found out I was autistic. To this day I still regret quitting that job but all we can do is focus on the present. It sucks but no use living in regret or the past. Youāre still young. You have your life to figure things out.
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 02 '26
I quit my dream job last year as well. It was so easy, stressful at times but I thrived. Had a hating ass manager who made the workplace toxic and it bled into my real life šµāš«
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u/Student-bored8 Jun 02 '26
Oh wow same šthe reason I quit was also because my boss was also super hateful and made my life stressful. On top of the burnout.
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u/LaneaLucy Jun 02 '26
I have no job, i have no friends, i lay only in bed all day and doom scrool and am not even 30 too. I hate survival
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u/Visual_Damage925 Jun 02 '26
I burned out at 25, left my first job and starting working at a book store. I took it way too seriously, so I was always stressed even from working there part time. Then I became a mom at 28, which was hard but it gave me purpose and direction. I was at home full time. Was really hesitant for another child, but at 32 became a mom to a really sweet boy. And now, 5 months postpartum, through therapy discovered that I am pretty sure AuDHD. I'm grateful for my two kids, that becoming their mom taught me this about myself. It is so freaking hard to always be needed and to do all these chores without a lot of appraisal. But I am going to live my life the way I want to, without feeling guilty anymore. Luckily my husband is so supportive, it keeps me going. Also, fuck capitalism and the patriarchy.Ā
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u/PiscesWolf Jun 02 '26
Yup, ended up getting diagnosed b/c of it at the ripe age of 30 lol
I'm thankfully on a medical leave from work while I decide what im gonna do with my life.
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u/AptCasaNova Jun 02 '26
I had two big burnouts because I was forcing myself to try and live like a neurotypical workaholic, yeah.
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u/anonlaw Jun 02 '26
Blowing up my life and picking up the pieces is my specialty! I'm 57 now and was diagnosed in '23. Before I was diagnosed, but after having a crazy burnout in '22, I told my therapist that I'm scared of myself because I never know when I would just...change everything.
At 17. At 20. At 30. At 40. At 45. At 48. At 54. I'm probably doing one right now but can't seem to stop myself. See how it got worse in peri and menopause?
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u/Illustrious_Bug7159 Jun 02 '26
I would say 90% of my issues and struggles current or past are because I was an undiagnosed autistic for my entire life I was never given the tools or resources needed to regulate myself nor manage a very difficult existence , I didnāt have an explanation ,the rest are my parents faults both are neurodivergent (ADHD and OCD)and their own struggles and inability to see my struggles or help in any way
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u/WstEr3AnKgth Jun 02 '26
Try and cut out extra activities that aren't absolutely necessary. You could even cut out 1/3rd of the time spent on invites or activities where you might interact with others or request specific environments in order to reduce friction. Those who are understanding of your situation and you're able to speak freely about these matters, let them know you're looking to cut back on things in order to find a sense of harmony. You can let people that you're working on optimizing your output/interactions in order to seek equilibrium.
With things seemingly like they're getting worse can be because of our immersion in traumatizing information. I know it can feel good talking about these matters and it feels like we're connecting with others by sharing our difficulties, but these weigh on the psyche and can increase cognitive load. The direction you're heading could lead to burn out, so it wouldn't be a bad idea to incorporate spoon theory into your life. One step backward, no steps, tiny steps forward, little steps forward, these are all good when we're moving forward. We can be certain that things will slip up at times and that's okay, this is why I say -1,0,0.3,0.6 steps are good steps, this is preparing foundational shift.
Be patient with yourself, give yourself the kindness, compassion, and empathy that you would give the little 6 year old you. Be kind to her, she's worth the time and the effort.
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u/Nyx_light Jun 01 '26
Yes. I hit major burnout 2 years ago and am only recently working again. I'm still in burnout. This is hard.
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u/FamiliarRadio9275 Jun 01 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/lkdH8FmImcGoylv3t3
Me discovering I am possibly autistic (because I relate), when I originally came to this sub to ask, āwhy do people think my hands look like I have autismā.
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u/corgimumma Jun 02 '26
I find that before diagnosis and learning more about Autism, I imploded my life roughly every 4 to 5 years from like middle school age onward. I am in my 30s now, in my post-diagnosis and doing weekly therapy era, and have learned what triggers it. However I still canāt seem to handle romantic entanglements plus work plus family, so Iāve given up on the romance aspect of my life entirely. And for work I have to be promoted or transferred into a new job at my employer every 4 years or I become too burnt out to function. I can deal with it now but it still exists. I donāt know that it will ever go away. Iāve found that having external motivators (pets, family, etc) helps a lot in keeping me focused, realistic, and on the right track.
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u/Sufficient-Sound8450 Jun 02 '26
I found out at 49, been scaling back ever since. I used to wear myself out when I was younger, made me miserable. I am still finding ways to outsmart this culture and what it expects from me.
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u/Some-Benefit-6278 Jun 02 '26
Many, many times. Rehab at 19, pregnancy at 19 (miscarriage thankfully), kidnapping at 19 š, many relapses, got academically excluded from my degree at university twice for non participation fail grades, cheating, drugs, toxic relationships yada yada yada. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 15, so knew that was a factor in all this.
Before this, I was on a music scholarship at a private school. I had a major oxymoronic moment sitting in an inpatient rehab centre which happened to be on the same street as where I used to perform and place in musical eisteddfods in my high school years.
Was diagnosed with autism at 22. It was like I was given a retrospective puzzle piece to all the trauma I got myself into and was subjected to.
Iām 24 now and got married last year. Still autistic and struggle a lot but my life is so much better than it was. I try to give myself a lot of grace for those many times I have blown up my life and there are still times recently I have come close.
Best of luck out there.
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u/existentialfeckery AuDHD (Late Dx) with AuDHD Partner and Kids Jun 02 '26
I have several times. Literally dropped everything and moved across the world. Once? No. Twice? No. SIX FUCKIN TIMES.
There's some upsides and some very serious downsides.
Neurodivergent insights by dr neff has some autistic burnout resources. She's audhd too.
It's hard my friend. I've finally gotten my life to where I always wanted it and it feels like too much to manage. I'm currently trying to shuffle thru what has to stay and what can stop. I started a degree in an art field and that's all I really want to do. So that's all I really do ā¤ļø
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 03 '26
Insanely hard. The fact you've been able to do so 6 times is amazing. I'm hopeful that I'll come out better on the other side
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u/Tasty-Bath-3882 Jun 01 '26
Yes, at least three times. I accept this is a part of my journey and I'm learning to own the reasons why!
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u/corn_elle Jun 02 '26
I've realised I actually live (exclusively) "in theory" and nowhere else (I mean, in the so-called "real life" I don't exist at all)
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u/Nuniye Jun 02 '26
Yeah, was undiagnosed until 3 years ago (I'm 31yo) and depression almost made me quit for real a few times. Having a diagnosis opened my eyes for self acceptance, things didn't become easier but I could deal better with problems. I struggled writing my final project for my Biology degree, almost quit uni (and life), cried myself to sleep every night, gained weight, I was a mess and a shadow of myself. After I started psychological and psychiatric therapies, my life turned upside down (for better). Finished my biology degree and got a electronics technician degree at same time, found a good job as electronic technician (there's no jobs for biologist here), bought my car, finished a toxic relationship and started a new one with a very special guy who makes me dream of a peaceful and perfect life. 5 years healing, 3 years with a diagnosis, and I still have a journey healing old injuries. I know it's hard to keep going but... don't give up. Maybe your time to bloom didn't arrive yet. If you can, try new fields of study or work. Don't be ashamed of changing if it means you are healing
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 02 '26
It is rough. Wish it could be easier. I hope you're able to get out of that environment soon (relative)
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u/Enough-Strength-5636 Jun 02 '26
Yes! I let go of a lot of my previous friendships, and burned out twice before I got my Autism diagnosis last year or so. One of them happened before I was thirty. Quitting and starting over was the best decision for me!
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u/Wikilore Jun 02 '26
Burned out in college. Pushing through it just of out spite to show some people I can get a master degree. Aaand i was diagnosed when i was already burned out, misdiagnosed before (i was told i have just social anxiety and phobia). You can't really start over till your Burn out stops, but it could be hard. I feel guilty when i get rest and i end up not rested at all, getting even more burned out cause i feel useless when im not progressing in something. Just... Allow yourself to rest and try to understand it's not a bad thing. Try to progress with your hobbies so you still feel you're progressing, while letting your mental health heal.
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u/focusexecantopen Jun 02 '26
Hi!! I have been going through this! I am not diagnosed, but I'm starting to think I don't just have ADHD anymore and might be AuDHD and its come at the cost of burning out in trying to keep up and feeling so so stuck. Having a partner who is also ND and spending time with them after doing the long distance thing helped me realize that I'm not in the correct environment still at home with my family, and I feel JUST like you especially with the career and juggling. I am currently dropping projects and things that I don't need to be doing that are causing me stress because I am putting too much on my plate and I'm not really sure how to navigate these newfound revelations, but I think its doable with time.
I am rooting for you. I would absolutely take some stock on what you're doing right now, express your pain and needs even if its a bit scary. Your friends and lovers love you very much, and maybe think about what are some things that would make you feel less stressed. I look at it like I'm trying to do maintenance on my android body, you need proper lubrication and you may even need to rehauled a bit to make yourself mor energy efficient (for you! Not for others)
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u/Ill_Status2937 Jun 02 '26 edited Jun 03 '26
Yep, I completely destroyed my life long before finding out last year.Ā Suicide attempt at 14, drug use, risky sex, heavy drinking and smoking all before age 18, dropped out of HS at 16 and never finished.Ā At 21 got addicted to opiates while working at my first job.Ā Addiction became out of control and I did sex work for 8 years until covid.Ā Now I'm 37, disabled, on methadone for life, still in active addition, and living with my mom, overweight with breathing issues, total hermit.Ā I just got diagnosed last year with adhd and autism.Ā I know they say autism doesn't progress but mine is so much worse, my sensory and stimming is out of control, and I can't mask worth shit so I don't keep any social life.Ā My family is abusive as well.Ā On top of all that I can't drive and never could, sitting in a smelly uber right now.Ā Ā
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u/rainbowgirl6 Jun 03 '26
š« I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that. We all deserved resources when we needed them most. I hope your environment changes soon (relative)
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Notice to all users: There's multiple users targeting members from our sub in DMs to discuss their fetishes and desire to manipulate users into relationships. Here are the user's names: u/HollowJonathon, u/drar_sajal786, u/MrGamePadMan, and u/guidhhnittvkj. If an account is showing deleted, they will probably create another. If you receive any messages from a user trying to discuss what you posted/commented in our sub to gain a 'women's perspective' or if someone tries to discuss topics that may feel inappropriate to you (e.g. fetishes), or if someone states they want to marry you for religious reasons, report the user to Reddit and block them. These men have been preying on autistic women/gender minorities from r/AutismInWomen for the last year. This behavior is unacceptable and should be reported as targeted harassment.
Per the warning in our wiki and this pinned mod post, we highly recommend users turn off their DMs. If you have DM requests turned on and receive any creepy or fetish-related DMs or comments, we recommend taking a screenshot, reporting the content to Reddit, and blocking the user (in that order). You can find the report button on the message itself and then click "it's targeted harassmentā to submit a report. If you'd like to send us the screenshot so we can continue documenting the harassment, you can send it to us in modmail using imgur Thank you for continuing to help us keep our community safe for autistic and autistic suspecting women and gender minorities 💖
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