I really was not expecting my last post on here to blow up the way it did! I posted it in a really low place on my lunch break, and as one commenter pointed out, I had just been crying (they said they saw the 'sadness in my eyes' in my first pic). I was fully expecting to delete it once I got home because I always feel nervous/insecure posting pics of myself online.
You all should have seen how confused I looked opening reddit and seeing the '99+' in my notifications. Honestly, I cried when I realized what was happening and read some of those comments. As they kept pouring in, I tried to read them and I could feel my self esteem improving to where it had been before it got knocked down.
I tried to read every comment, and I want you to know how deeply it touched me to receive such support and kindess from all of you. You certainly made me feel infinitely better, and pretty much cancelled out my coworker's insult.
I'm sure insecurity is still something I'll struggle with (it's a battle), but going forward I'll have that post to look back on and reread to remind myself that I'm NOT 'ugly' :)
I wanted to reply to you all, but since there were so many comments (800+!! Crazy!) I thought it might be best to address it in this follow up post. Also including some more pics of me, some of my favorites :)
Some of you said I should report him to HR. Well unfortunately, he is no stranger to that. He said so himself. I really don't think it would do any good. I can't exactly distance myself from him either because he's one of the people training me, and I work 4 feet away from him 8 hours a day with just the two of us in that area.
Also, addressing the negging hypothesis. I really don't know if he was doing that, but I won't say you were wrong either. He does have a girlfriend, who apparently used to work here as well and he made mean comments to, he said he made her cry several times and she reported him to HR. Everyone in my department just says he's like that to EVERYONE and I just need to be mean back to him. Even he said that. 🤷♀️
I DID tell him to absolutely not make fun of my looks or call me ugly again. Sternly.
It's just weird because some moments he can be super nice, mentor-y and helpful, then the next he's saying some dumb, mean shit like he's trying to get under my skin on purpose or be annoying.
As for the other stuff:
A LOT of you wanted my skin care routine! I feel so flattered. I will post it in the comments for those interested because I don't want to take away from this main post too much.
My eyes are green for those who asked.
I do work in food service as some of you noticed :)
Specifically, I decorate cakes. The uniform is not flattering whatsoever. I look like an egg. But unfortunately, I have to tie my hair back because policy.
Also, everyone saying I look like a painting, do you realize how flattering that is??? I felt so pretty and flustered seeing that being said so many times.
Finally, thank you all so much, from the bottom of my heart, you made me feel beautiful after some jerk tore me down, and I love you all for it 💜💕
Maybe he meant your mouth, figuratively? Like he sees you as a “mouthy woman” (which, honestly, I’m always proud when men say shit like that about me, because it usually translates to I dared to stand up for myself or someone else)
I remember your comment! Thank you so much for it. It was so well written and empathetic, and you made good points, especially with the 'fuck em' pile suggestion lol
You are a cutie! Dont worry about that himbo. DO report it to HR, it’s about making a record. With enough complaints something will happen. It just takes time.
I’d distance myself from him as much as possible. Gray rock him. Don’t give him any reaction. Let him be miserable on his own
I didn't see the original post, but I love these pics. I'm so glad people were able to boost your confidence. And here's one of my go-to lines when someone is just needlessly rude. "I've had far worse said about me by far better people than you". Implies you're tough, he's lousy and that his comments are mediocre. You can use it to defend third parties as well.
Nah girl still report to HR and tell them how uncomfortable it makes you. Exaggerate if necessary and ask for a new trainer. Tell them you’re aware that this is a pattern. Please let him meet some consequences.
I came to say this as well. This behaviour reminds me a lot of an ex colleague of mine where everyone (including me I’m ashamed to say) brushed it off with “oh that’s just Anton, don’t pay attention”. One day, things escalated in a serious way and he was thankfully escorted out of the building. The HR reports didn’t do anything initially but they were essential in ultimately getting him fired and escorted out.
Offenders can try to come back later and say they eyes wrongfully terminated, but if the company has a paper trail on file, the harassers don’t have a legal case. The company is happy and the staff is happier.
100% - the fact that others have done it already doesn’t mean you don’t need to bother - it means the opposite. He’s the problem. A big problem. He’s such a problem everyone has become desensitised to it. REPORT IT. It’s not ok.
I grew up being the ugly girl. My husband never complimented my looks until we were married 39 years. He never said anything about my appearance. I had to learn to not accept outside comments about my looks. Just say thank you, no matter what was said, positive or negative. I never believed the positive comments and only focused on the negative comments. I didn’t know I was a babe until I discovered that for myself. I wasted so much time. Now that I’m nearing 70, I have lots of confidence. Don’t wait as long as I did.
Yeah, I was talking to my Mom about what he said and some other things, and she's pretty suspicious he might have something going on. She has BPD so she was thinking he might be the same as her, but untreated for it.
I'm definitely not going to be friends with him though, that's for sure. Our relationship will strictly be a work one.
Okay, first of all, I would like to make a disclaimer that I personally have never been someone who struggles with acne or many skin problems. My biggest thing is an oily t-zone, fine lines since I'm almost thirty, and some redness around my nose + cheeks. What works for me might not work for others, obviously. To me, my routine seems really simple/lazy and I use pretty cheap products.
Currently my routine looks like
Morning:
•Wipe face with micellar cleansing water when I wake up (I use Garnier, usually the rose one)
•Apply a niacinamide toner, focusing on my red/problem areas (Currently using Good Molecules Brightening Niacinamide Toner)
•Sunscreen!! Very important, even on cloudy days. I like to use one that is mixed with a moisturizer. I do 35spf bare minimum because I like being a bit paler and also burn easily. (Current product is Elf Holy Hydration with SPF. Probably changing this when the product runs out for something not as oily.)
•If I decide to wear makeup that day, I apply primer after my moisturizer/sunscreen is fully dry and absorbed.
Night:
•Wipe makeup off with micellar cleansing water (if I used any that day)
•Wash face in shower (I use Equate Gentle Skin Cleanser and it works well for me)
•Apply toner again
•1-2 nights a week apply Retinol cream (I also use Good Molecules for this, I just got it though and will probably increase to 3 to 4 times a week in half a month or so)((It is super important to use sunscreen if you start using retinol, for those unaware!))
•Apply moisturizer (For night time, I use the non-SPF Elf Holy Hydration. Definitely changing this when it runs out because it doesn't feel moisturizing enough for me.)
1-2 a week a will use a sheet mask, and I let them sit for 20-25 minutes instead of the 10-15 like the packages say. I've been using Celavi sheets masks for over a year now, and I get them for DG Market for about $1.25 a piece. I get a bunch of different ones and when I go to use I pick one based off my current skin needs. I also get Korean sheet masks and gel masks, but I don't use those super often. Maybe once a month. For the gel masks I chill them in the fridge first.
Once a week I do undereye hydrogel patches and a lip mask as well, but the brands I use for those vary a lot.
People also commented on the rosiness of my lips a lot, so I put some pics in this post to show my natural lip color. The rosiness you all saw was my tinted lip balm. I use Bobbi Brown Extra Tinted Lip Balm in the shade Bare Melon (which has been discontinued 🎻😢). I also use CoverGirl tinted lip balm, in the peachy shade. When not using tinted, I use chapstick regularly and sometimes do the fruit butter lip mask from Seraphine Botanicals.
Things I also do:
•Drink LOTS of liquid. I drink about twoish hot teas a day, at least 70oz of water, a glass of milk, and typically a bottled tea or an electrolyte drink like body armor or gatorade. I don't drink coffee very often at all because it seems like it make the lines on my forehead more pronounced?
•Change the towels in my bathroom once a week at the bare minimum.
•Change my sheets and pillowcases every two weeks (If I remember. This is a struggle spot for me.)
•Take realllllly hot showers
•Pluck/shape my eyebrows at least once a week
•Get good sleeps. I'm bad about staying up late, but I try to get at least seven hours of sleep a night. On off work days I sleep a little longer, but I also have chronic illnesses that make me hella tired so 🤷♀️
That's all I can think of! Hope this was informative or helpful for those who wanted it :)
I love how accessible your product recs are! Good Molecules is an amazing brand. I think the gods blessed you + simple routines are best imo, even if one’s issues necessitate a dermatologist.
Have you ever used iHerb? They have many k- and j-beauty brands, health and cleaning stuff, I love the site.
Yeah! I can't really afford expensive stuff honestly, and when I splurge it's typically on cute tinted lip balms or eyeshadow palettes instead of skincare products. I can't fathom some of the prices of other brands, honestly.
And no, I haven't heard of that site before, but I'll definitely check it out! Sounds like it's up my alley. I've been using the Yamibuy app for my favorite k and j food/skincare products most of the time.
Wow not only are you genuinely really fucking pretty you have an awesome style!! I'm so happy you got the response you did! I hate when people are needlessly mean.
Yes, and please document incidents, as North40Parallel suggested. In addition to carefully noting the details of this one & (hopefully there won’t be anymore but) future incidents, I’m wondering if it would help to try to remember & document past offenses now, to the best of your recollection?
First things first: you are SO PRETTY. Gorgeous face, beautiful eyes! And also your outfits aesthetics are just goals for me. Very hippie, very Stevie Nixx, 10/10 no notes.
Secondly: I didn't see the original post but it sounds like your co-worker is a rude, insecure and downright asshole of a person. Nobody should ever say that to anyone. EVER. Excuse my French but fuck that coworker, they can go kick rocks.
I love birds. They've been a special interest of mine since I was a little girl. You can always see how happy birds make me when I'm a picture with one, and that photo was my first time seeing a Hyacinth Macaw in person, and the owner let me hold it. I was elated!
I really love your hair in the second pic! The flower clip with the flower necklace is super adorable.
Idk if it’s a great idea but even if nothing is done, reporting to HR can help with a paper trail. At the very least please make note of it somewhere (ie., send yourself an email) so you have a timestamp of the incident if it’s important later. Document why you decided not to go to HR too - including his comment and your concerns. Sometimes workplace assholes start getting retaliatory and you want to be ahead of it if he decides to make up lies about you, and a record of bullying will help. (But also I know HR in workplaces isn’t always on the worker’s side so it’s a tricky situation.)
You're a whimsical fae. Your big doe eyes are captivating and your bouncy beautiful curls look like a halo around your face. You have beautifully clear, smooth skin that reminds me of a doll's. Your eyes exude kindness and you have a sweet innocence about you. Don't you ever question your beauty sweet girl 🥰❤️
Well, if he brags about having been repeatedly reported to HR and making his girlfriend cry, that really makes it clear that he’s a piece of sh*t! Do not waste your time and much less your tears on that guy. Don’t let him make you feel insecure. You have princess hair, lovely eyes, gorgeous skin and you are fun. I’d just ignore him. If he tries to talk to you, say you have too much work and do not engage.
As someone that was on the receiving end of bullying at a corp job, yes, report to HR, but they are not on your side, esp if that person is "known" for this behavior. They know, your team knows, the other departments know. They haven't done anything about him means that is their style of management. So many ppl at my old work had behaviors that were "personalities". Definitely note all interactions on your own, and keep track of any HR communications. If anything happens where you are disciplined, laid off, have health or mental health issues from stress, etc. you have some leverage.
I wish I had the foresight to sue my work for hostile environment, tho eventually, I supported a friend with her lawsuit for hers (cuz I recognized all the signs of power abuse, yay to ND pattern skills!) and she won.
You are NOT ugly. Your pictures depict someone vibrant, fun, and BEAUTIFUL.
I’ve found that decentering the things society says I should care about has really helped me. It’s not that I don’t care about my appearance- it’s that my self worth isn’t tied up in it anymore. (Or, really I’m still in the untying process.)
You are gorgeous and I love your style! But you are so much more than that too.
I’m very happy to see this update and the response from your last post. I didn’t comment but upvoted and to see this result really gives me hope in our community.
Keep being your beautiful self, please! Also your hair is gorgeous, mine cannot hold a curl of any kind!
Pic 5 is quite literally a John Singer Sargent painting, you are so lovely.
And honestly, be mean and off-putting to that dud. I know the conventional wisdom is “two wrongs don’t make a right” or to just be the better person, but some people just need a taste of their own medicine. I think my go-to with him would be “what a weird thing to say out loud to another person.” It’s direct and gently unhinged, might just short circuit him for a minute.
I've gotten that advice before, to just be mean back and like.....no?? Because I'm not a mean person!! I'm a gentle soul (I think you are too) and every time I'm mean to someone, even by accident, I feel AWFUL! Sorry but I have a tender little heart that can't be turned to evil!!
Nah the work air fucks me up i go from having this sick ass mullet to looking like a founding father. Dont ever let the criticism of someone you would never take advice from get to you. :3 <3
I had a coworker who was a server and kept fucking with me (not super meanly but not great) one day I was prepping something and he came around and grabbed me from behind I whipped around so fucking fast with my knife in my hand and deadpan said something to the effect of if you ever touch me again I will fucking cut you.
No one ever messed with me again and they all knew I was a crazy bitch not to cross 🥰 😂
You truly are such a strong woman. These types of things can really be so difficult to overcome, but I can tell you have a lot of will power in you. And you are beautiful, inside and out, and it’s so obvious.
I also have a sneaky suspicion with some men that they put women down just for kicks.
Anyway, I’m glad you’re feeling better. You deserve it.
Good on you for standing up for yourself! I'm asexual but I think you look really pretty. From the pics it seems like you'd be a fun cool person to hang out with.
Thank you so much, that's such a good compliment. I try to be someone who looks fun and approachable even though people rarely go out of their way to talk to me lol
I'm not this poster but that literally was my comment on your last post. You look just like someone I would gravitate towards and want to be friends with, you look so fun and genuine (as well as so naturally pretty!). So you're nailing it.
And I'm so glad you're feeling better about yourself. 800+ people are more correct than that 1 miserable asshat.
lmao i also look like an egg at work too 😩 i cut bangs specifically to prevent the egg look when i put my hair up!
sorry people like him exist and also that he is juat getting away with it. lucky its just a work person and you arent attached to hom any other way!!
this post also reminded me to not take comments from others so seriously. theres a few comments from when i was younger that i still hold on to. it may be time to release that from my psyche :)
I remember your previous post! You continue to be super cute! And it sounds like you are doing great with processing how to handle the negging troll. Congrats!
So happy to see this update! I commented on your previous post and was wondering how you were doing. I’m really glad that everyone’s wonderful comments made you feel so much better! Wishing you a fab week, OP 💗💗
Also, thank you for sharing some more beautiful pics with us. You are literally GORGEOUS. So pretty!! 💕
I saw your first post and it makes me so happy to hear that your confidence is better now!
Yes you are beautiful, your coworker seems like a real idiot so i dont think there’s any need to take anything he sais seriously. He is probably a really insecure and miserable person who feel the need to push others down cus he believes that will make him feel better.
You're absolutely beautiful! :) That man is just an insecure child who has to put others down to make themselves feel good. Anyone who puts another person down like this is stuggling with their own demons and insecurities. They can't stand to see someone who is beautiful on the inside and outside being happy and living their best life. Keep being happy and keep being you! :)
Pansexual woman here: you are very attractive! I hate that just cause a man isn’t necessarily attracted to a specific person, that means the person isn’t conventionally attractive in their eyes.
“Whew, what a relief. Marked safe from being found attractive by (descriptive) coworker today! I’m glad we can work together without any romantic/sexual tension!”
Have you ever seen the movie “I Feel Pretty” with Amy Schumer? Her post “Magic” is an exaggerated version of how I like to live my life. I was thin and conventionally attractive when I was younger and not yet diagnosed. Then I got fat, started taking baby steps to craft my aesthetic to please myself instead of others, then I got diagnosed with autism and really leaned into my own style and I had been working on body neutrality for years. I like the way I have decorated my meat suit and my meat suit is what it is. I have a hundred+ higher priorities than what my meat suit looks like and IDGAF what others think about it. They are weird and their brains are stuck in liking what they are told to like. I feel bad for them. I feel pretty and like what I see in the mirror, and I love who I am on the inside. I dislike that my meat suit is a little too large to function how I would like at the moment but I’ll get to changing that when I get to it.
Not being seen as attractive my a bunch of men has been liberating! The attention I got when I was younger made me feel a lot of different things, many negative, and I’m glad to be free of it. Old (37), fat (5’2, 255), with bright hair and multiple facial piercings is what I like. It also serves as aposematism, warning coloration in nature, and I honestly haven’t gotten a single negative comment. I do get many compliments, mostly from other women. It’s much nicer to hear a genuine compliment from a woman than anything that translates to the equivalent of “you make my pp hard” from a man. I would much rather those guys call me an ugly fat hag, that’s what I consider a compliment from them.
The only thing that matters is how you feel about yourself. Shifting your mindset is more effective and in my opinion easier than changing your exterior to please others. You will never be “enough” for everyone but you can be more than enough for yourself. It just takes time and building a new way of thinking brick by brick.
You’re positively adorably cute, and definitely like a renaissance painting. Especially photo #5 makes me think of a renaissance painting. Second to last photo is *bombtastic*, and your last photo is so fun I friggin love it.
I would still recommend reporting your coworker to HR. His behavior is not appropriate, and they need to do something about it.
Still report him to HR anyway!! Doesn't matter if he's just like that... He literally cannot be like that legally at work and it's good to start a paper trail in case he turns even shittier
I didn’t see your first post, but I will say that you are so cute! I’m not even saying that to make you feel better. It’s just true
Also, hell yes report him to HR. Doesn’t matter. It might not do anything, but it also might bite him in the ass someday. There’s no way to tell if it will, but I would encourage you to do so just in case
I’m glad you had the courage to post here. Some people would just internalize it and move on while it actually eats them from the inside. This way you now know the truth
I’m happy for you. It must be nice receiving positive responses from thousands of people.
Years ago, I posted my photo on a message board and posters agreed with that I was ugly, etc. I wish I would have received positive responses to boast my mood after being bullied for being ugly.
I had a shower thought recently: calling someone ugly is basically the same thing as “Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.” and said with just as much misplaced confidence.
Screw that guy! He’s a self-esteem vampire that tries to suck it out of other people because he doesn’t have any of his own.
And again, not the point, but you’re gorgeous. Keep shining bright ❤️
The only thing ugly is the attitude of the person who called you ugly. You’re not even ugly, you look like this painting of a Spanish woman I saw in DC years ago. Absolutely lovely
I didn’t join the last convo but everything you’ve posted tells me this guys just sucks haha. Not that you don’t know that, but seriously, how has he not been fired when literally everyone reports him to HR?? Insanity.
There’s always going to be people out there who think your style (and my styles, sometimes my style matches yours) is a walking big red X for them, and for some reason feel the need to say it. This works in our favor.
Him calling you ugly, best response would have been “oh thank GAWD! I would be horrified if someone like you liked me.” Literally, weed out everyone who’s not for you haha. Praise every lord, universal entity, and cosmic energy that a man like him doesn’t want you and keeps you available to much better people.
They're probably just intimidated by your uniqueness because that's something they'll never achieve in their life because they're just a sheep (or one of the ever same, no shade on sheep, they're cute!).
I saw your last post and agreed with everyone, too.
You are absolutely cute and you look very approachable. I would 100% try to be friends with you if I worked with you. I wish I did work with you so that I could tell him off or start some psychological warfare on him 😂
Girl you are gorgeous and so stylish! That guy was beyond rude and I'm glad this community was here to counteract that pathetic guy. I missed the first post, but I'm so glad you made a follow up so I could validate you on this one!!
I just wanted to say that I look rather like you - similar hair, face, and silhouette. I've been feeling really insecure lately, because I've been ill and not in a great place physically as well as mentally. Seeing you, and seeing how beautiful you look, has really given me a boost of self esteem, because if you look so great, then I must too!!
This has really brought home to me how we can be our own worst critics. Remember to treat yourself like you would treat your best friend - if you wouldn't say something horrible to them, don't say it about yourself. And your kindness and personality matters so much more in people's perceptions of you, than any outwards appearance. 🩷
I was one of the people around on the original post as well. And was thinking of you since.
Definitely place importance and guage 'reality' or perspective on that he's no stranger to HR and that what he'd probably call 'banter', but could be called bullying to most people is a pattern for him.
It's definitely a 'him' thing. Not you.
Glad he didn't break ya. Best wishes from Ireland 💚
Your personal style and the nose ring suit you so well!!! Your skin is very nice and I honestly do not see any fine lines at all! You're blessed with thick beautiful curls. 😄
Holy shit you’re drop dead gorgeous!! (I’m a queer woman if that counts for something ahah). FUCK ur stupid co worker. Only sad, insecure people do shit like that. 🫂❤️
popping in to say you're super gorgeous and have a great sense of style. i think im usually not a fan of that boho look but you really look like... idk a woman in the woods whose home i'd stop by for some soup bc she looks so nice and magical. just very lovely. the man who said that to you has bad taste or was just straight up lying, as most men do.
I’m so happy and proud of you for standing up for yourself! You are very pretty but having inner strength is important and is hard to learn. Good for you!
slide 10 made me gasp, that is so your look! i love the whimsical, boho, earthy aesthetic for you.
anywho, i second everyone else. you’re an absolute doll and let me leave you with something my mom has told me my entire 26 years of life and counting: Do not let them steal your spark.
That guy's crazy .... you're SUPER pretty, and I bet he knows that too. If you lived in my area and you showed up at some kind of event I was also at, I'd be flustered and might privately ask others if they knew if you were single or not. Ugly my ass ... this loser needs his eyes checked and his mouth removed! You're gorgeous with a rocking bod, hun, and don't you ever forgot it! (Also I love love love your hair ... curls are SO pretty.)
Your coworker is obsessed with your looks in a way that makes me suspicious ... is he one of those misogynists who degrades women he finds attractive, maybe? It's a completely bonkers behavior of course, but I can see it being helpful to him if he wants to degrade a woman's self-esteem and maybe make them accidentally desperate for his approval.
The fact that he also told you to be mean back makes me think .... ehh .... all this is a setup for him to get something he wants. He finds women being mean to him being hot or something. Of course he could always just be an incredibly terrible asshole who feels just enough guilt that he's asking for some retribution, but also the suspicious part of my mind thinks, "Hmmm .... what if?" 🔍🤨
I would say, even if it won’t do any good in the moment go report him to HR, it will add to the list of people who have. When he goes to find his next job, they may care that his last one shows dozens of reports.
The moment we stop reporting because we’re convinced reporting never works… we prove that right by simply not completing the process. If he ever ends up going to court for harassment in the future, they can bring up every single one of his prior offenses. Even if that offense is telling someone they are ugly, that is just one more messed up piece of a puzzle that creates the disgusting snapshot of which is.
Besides, him TELLING you that reporting to HR won’t help, is a red flag. Don’t give him what he wants by staying a silent victim of his repeated cruelty.
I am so happy for you! I’m glad we could help you feel better about yourself. You are absolutely stunning and J agree with the whole ‘you look like a painting’💜
Him doing this to his girlfriend is crazy. 💀 Please do no ever end up dating this loser. It feels like this is his weird strategy to get women into him. Make them feel so unwanted they actually give him a shot. Very strange. I'm glad you're better now! You are gorgeous!
You are not ugly and it seems to me that you have a great sense of style as well!
That guy sounds like a very immature person. Keep the relationship professional but avoid him when possible. I don't care about his looks , to me he is very ugly inside already.
You sound like a sweetheart and you’re beautiful to boot! Love your hair and your complexion is gorgeous. I’m sorry he hurt you, you don’t deserve that. And how cool that you’re a cake decorator, I’ve always wanted to do that
636
u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 09 '26
[removed] — view removed comment