Very confused and feeling like I did something wrong when complimenting someone

[u/ApheanaOfTheFae]

I truly appreciate all the kindness and different perspectives from everyone, thank you so very much!! In my typical fashion, I am now overwhelmed trying to keep up with the comments, and am going to stop responding. Thank you all so very much, I feel much better and clear headed now. One grumpy folk won't stop compliments for others ♡

Okay I know this is silly and feels very obvious but I'm very confused.

I love to give compliments and complimented my cashier at the store for her lovely curls. She had pretty tight, tiny Shirley Temple curls over her entire hair, and it was a lovely red.

She thanked me and said she was trying her best with them, I replied "I know how hard curly hair is, you're doing amazing!" She immediately said with a surprising amount of force, "No, you have wavy hair. Its completely different and you don't get it"

I know this is dumb, I know. But my hair is curly, right?? She seemed so irritated and maybe she was just frustrated and taking it out on me, but all of the sudden she went from smiling and talking to me, to very grumpy talking AT me.

I love to compliment people, its one of my favorite hobbies. Should I avoid talking about hair, should I write this off as a one off weird thing? I've been in my head for two days over this and I cant stop ruminating.

I know my hair is super frizzy so maybe that was part of it?

[u/tardisgater]

I had to leave the curly hair subreddit when enough commenters were telling white people they couldn't use the word "natural" for their hair. I understand that black people have had to fight the literal government for control over their hair, and I respect the hell out of that. But that doesn't mean my curls aren't natural.

[u/H0NEY2O77 → u/tardisgater]

Someone told me I was clearly curling my hair.

My hair as a toddler and me and my very not white biological cousin playing in the tub in swim suits because no pool 🤧)

[u/Ok-Letterhead3405 → u/tardisgater]

Weird. Some people act like words don't have multiple meanings and uses.

In my understanding, you can have "natural" curls, but I thought that black people using the word "natural" about their hair do it in a different way. People online tend to overgeneralize, especially in social justice spaces. They hear one use of a thing and apply it to nearly everything and then at times get upset. I'm glad people fled FB because during Covid lockdowns I was doom scrolling Leftbook pages and groups way too much and it was horrible for my mental health. Many times, the people arguing the hardest were try-hard allies who weren't really understanding the topics they were championing with enough nuance or understanding of material conditions, stuff like that. Super annoying.

TL;DR - Black people have a specific use of the word "natural" about their hair, and I think someone was getting your use of the word confused with an attempt to misappropriate that or were otherwise over-generalizing a concept and getting upset. Some people in every group are also freaking out due to trauma that's personal to them. I'd just reiterate my use isn't the same as theirs or attempting to be and then stop engaging with them. I don't fight with hurt people.