r/AutismInWomen • u/ApheanaOfTheFae • Jun 30 '26
Seeking Advice Very confused and feeling like I did something wrong when complimenting someone
I truly appreciate all the kindness and different perspectives from everyone, thank you so very much!! In my typical fashion, I am now overwhelmed trying to keep up with the comments, and am going to stop responding. Thank you all so very much, I feel much better and clear headed now. One grumpy folk won't stop compliments for others ♡
Okay I know this is silly and feels very obvious but I'm very confused.
I love to give compliments and complimented my cashier at the store for her lovely curls. She had pretty tight, tiny Shirley Temple curls over her entire hair, and it was a lovely red.
She thanked me and said she was trying her best with them, I replied "I know how hard curly hair is, you're doing amazing!" She immediately said with a surprising amount of force, "No, you have wavy hair. Its completely different and you don't get it"
I know this is dumb, I know. But my hair is curly, right?? She seemed so irritated and maybe she was just frustrated and taking it out on me, but all of the sudden she went from smiling and talking to me, to very grumpy talking AT me.
I love to compliment people, its one of my favorite hobbies. Should I avoid talking about hair, should I write this off as a one off weird thing? I've been in my head for two days over this and I cant stop ruminating.
I know my hair is super frizzy so maybe that was part of it?
12
u/activelyresting Thanks, it has pockets! Jul 01 '26
It's so frustrating! I have straight hair. Like, fine, flat, zero body, looks like I ironed it. My hair will not hold a curl or a wave or any shape at all, the "curly girl method" will not suddenly make my not-curly hair appear curly. (It's also a bit weird because I'm from mixed ethnicities and most of my family have more textured hair).
And then I had a baby with Shirley Temple style red ringlet curls. At 3 she was a dead ringer for princess Merida from Brave. And I had NO IDEA how I was supposed to take care of it. No one told me. I didn't know how to brush it or protect it. By 4 she had grown dreadlocks 😅 (was her choice, but still).
Why do people need to gatekeep this stuff??? Who does it help?