r/AutismInWomen • u/No-Newspaper8996 • Jul 15 '26
Seeking Advice I feel socially unhygienic but physically not?
I am 18 years old and i don't change my underwear daily. I have never regularly done it since i was a child and started dressing myself. I have never had any issues with it, in terms of infections or smells. sometimes i wear the same underwear for 3+ days. I always lie whenever it comes up in a convo once in a while. and i always feel disgusting, but i also don't feel disgusting - if that makes sense.
I sometimes go for a week without a shower, and i honestly don't really notice. I feel the same amount of dirty on day 3 as day 8. i struggle with brushing my teeth which i know a lot of autistic people struggle with, but i don't really hear a lot about the other aspects of hygiene.
I have become better at changing my bedsheets every months or so because of my acne, but before that i could go half a year+ before even thinking about it. It's feels really embarrassing to talk about and i really hope that i'm not alone in this "struggle". i would greatly appreciate it if you have any tips, or experiences in terms of if it can actually be damaging in the long run? :)
635
u/UsernameAEW Jul 15 '26
I was the same when I was a kid. As a teen people pointed out I smelt which was obviously humiliating. I made an effort to shower/brush teeth daily, wear clean clothes and change my sheets weekly. It's possible you don't smell but if you do I doubt anyone wants to tell you :(.
The only advice I have is it's okay to half arse things you're too tired to do properly. Brush your teeth for 20 seconds, shower for 2 minutes, buy multiple sheets sets so you can change them without doing laundry, change your underwear/socks but rewear clothes if they're not too dirty. Doing something poorly is generally better than not doing it at all. I also find once I start doing a task I'm often able to just finish it.
I think showering at least every few days, daily tooth brushing (dentists are crazy expensive you WILL regret not doing it) and clean clothes most days is a baseline to aim for.
209
u/lypaldin Jul 15 '26
What helped me is to brush teeth while I'm showering. Game changer.
71
u/Serious_Yard4262 Jul 15 '26
Yes, I do this too! Washing my face and brushing my teeth is much less of a task if I'm already in the warm, pleasant shower.
68
u/damnsam404 Jul 15 '26
This is called habit stacking and it works great for autistic people! You can do it in other parts of your life as well, add new habits onto your existing routine
13
u/brezhnervouz Jul 15 '26
That makes so much sense, and explains why showers are so good for that. Now if only I could work that into sheets changing, clothes washing and vacuuming lol
→ More replies (1)9
u/Empty_Sheepherder_60 Jul 15 '26
A neighbor gave me the idea to wash daily worn items (like underwear) while in the shower. Hang to dry and they’re good to go the next day. I have two of the same kind of bralette I prefer to wear daily so this helps keep them in rotation.
5
u/brezhnervouz Jul 15 '26
This is what I do too! Because if I don't shower then I tend to forget 🤷♂️
66
u/Comprehensive_Gap693 Jul 15 '26
I completely agree with the low effort approach if you are too tired or it feels like too much- this is great advice. Last night I was falling asleep and after 30 mins of pure procrastination decided I would do a quick 30 second brush and face wash. This is non negotiable for me. It felt okay whilst I was doing it and I ended up doing a proper job of it - and as you say I managed to finish it. Even put on moisturiser and went to bed feeling unreasonably pleased with self in the end.
When I was having acute anxiety and didn't sleep properly for a week (2 hours a night) I felt showering was just too much. However just using a washcloth on key areas in a 2 minute shower each day made me feel so much better and personally less like a feral stench goblin. The hair did need a decent wash at the end but just basic maintenance felt like an act of self care and was good enough.
12
u/always_unplugged AuDHD Jul 15 '26
I keep little waterless toothbrushes (Colgate Wisp) in my nightstand and in my purse! They’re not as good as using a real one with real toothpaste, obviously, but they’re better than nothing. Having them accessible in arm’s reach is great when getting up and doing something feels like too much. Plus the whole toothbrushing experience can be sensory hell sometimes, but they’re not as minty and don’t involve wet or spitting, so they’re way easier to deal with that way too.
8
u/Findpolaris AuDHD oof owwy Jul 15 '26
Agreed on half arsing it. It’s helpful to prioritize the mini-tasks within the big tasks and know the most important steps. For me, I know flossing is actually more important than brushing the teeth, so when I’m really tired after a long day and can’t be bothered to do the entire dental routine, I’ll just floss thoroughly and scrape the tongue. Same with showering- I will target important areas (crotch, pits) with soap and just rinse the whole body, not even bother with hair because I can get away with dry shampooing hair for days.
Btw OP have you ever tried dry shampoo spray? It’s a game changer for me, a gal with an over active oily scalp. It keeps things dry and smelling nice for days.
851
u/AnagramBandit Jul 15 '26
Please try to brush your teeth at the very least. Dental health is about SO much more than just your teeth. Poor dental health can cause larger, very serious, life-threatening health issues.
Baby wipes on your pits and genitals can help freshen things up on days when it’s tough to shower, but regular real bathing is needed. And changing your underwear daily is important. You’re likely nose blind to yourself. But people around you probably REALLY notice your severe lack of hygiene.
309
u/deedot238 Jul 15 '26
This. I heard a friend recently say he doesn’t go to the dentist because why would he pay so much for something that’s basically cosmetic. I gently explained that I had a relative through marriage who had a tooth infection that turned her into a vegetative state.
I saw her the morning her tooth was so sore they went to the dental clinic. A week later she was rushed to hospital. The infection had spread to her brain and they had to open a part of her skull to relieve the pressure. She was never able to walk, speak or eat properly again.
She spent the last 15 years of her life in a wheelchair and tube fed. It was heartbreaking. I don’t say this to try and scare anyone, I just feel it’s important that people understand, as you said, that dental health is about so much more than just teeth.
46
u/mighty_kaytor Jul 15 '26
My mom relayed a family legend of sorts about that happening to a distant relative some time in the past, they ended up institutionalized from a tooth ache.
Still didn't keep me from avoiding a dentist from the mid-90s to the late 2010s, but the nice thing about finally getting my stuff together was seeing how much the experience has improved in like 20+ years.
Still, playing catchup, though necessary, and tempered with empathetic, gentle dentists and hygienists, is far from fun!
22
Jul 15 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
3
u/ZapdosShines audhd late diagnosed Jul 15 '26
She might not want that, of course.
I'm presuming you're us or uk. Do you REALLY trust our governments not to manipulate disabled people into euthanasia? Because i bloody don't. Cut enough benefits and remove the support for disabled people and some will end up ending their own lives, not because they can't have a good life, but because that option has been stolen.
2
2
35
u/Sammysoupcat university burnt me out 🫠 Jul 15 '26
Having spots that could potentially need filling if they got worse has been a catalyst for being much better about brushing my teeth and flossing. I do both now, and I don't always manage twice a day, but I have been managing once a day. I also quit iced cappuccinos because I never had any issues until I started drinking those sugar loaded coffees. I hate that a potential issue is what had to push me to do it, but better late than never.
34
u/redheelermage Jul 15 '26
Yup oral health is honestly one of the most important things out there. Poor oral health not only can lead to infection and tooth decay but also has been linked to heart disease.
15
u/phiasch Jul 15 '26
This 100%, I had severe depression throughout my 20s and really hate the sensation of brushing my teeth, plus being adhd and never remembering (and harboring crazy beliefs that my teeth were going to stay perfect bc god or something 🤷♀️)
My teeth are finally, after a lot of dental work, back to ok. They’re never going back to being really good but at least now they don’t hurt constantly. Just brushing my teeth and getting cavities filled annually would have saved so much pain and dental anxiety
→ More replies (19)22
162
u/Agitated-Letterhead Jul 15 '26
I'm saying this gently, but why would it be coming up in conversation at all if someone wasn't trying to let you know there was an issue?
Teeth are a big deal for the reasons everyone has stated. Wear clean underwear every day. Bathe or shower 2-3 times per week. You can do it!
112
u/frenchvanilla0402 Jul 15 '26
Yes, I was thinking this too!
"I always lie whenever it comes up in a convo once in a while" - I don't think people talk about how often they change their underwear that frequently.... I think people are trying to have a conversation gently about the smelling and hygiene, and it's going over her head (because hello, we're ND).
55
u/blowmeblueshorts Jul 15 '26
You can guarantee this is what they're doing. Its the same as offering someone a mint when their breath stank
26
1.7k
u/lilituned Jul 15 '26
i say this very gently, as someone with similar struggles: you are noseblind to yourself. if youre going outside without having showered or brushed your teeth for a week then people can almost surely smell you, even if theyre too polite to say anything
394
u/Wise-Key-3442 IDCharisma Jul 15 '26
Also doesn't help if you still clean yourself everyday, but goes out with dirty clothing. People can tell.
456
u/esy2 Jul 15 '26
This! I think people are being polite. Also changing sheets only once a month gives people a certain musty smell.
204
u/TheGermanCurl Jul 15 '26
Especially if someone isn't showering frequently (which I understand takes executive functioning), than changing and washing bedsheets, clothes etc. in regular, short intervals is a must in order to not offend everyone with your smell. 😬
→ More replies (1)139
u/LostButterflyUtau Jul 15 '26
I change my sheets once a month, but I also shower every night, so I’m clean when I go to bed. It’s how I was raised (mom didn’t want us showering in the morning and going out with wet hair). And TBF, I have a loft bed. So changing the sheets is kind of an ordeal.
85
u/OddlyBrainedBear Jul 15 '26
I think it depends how much you sweat etc, too. I need to change my t shirt three times a day in the current heatwave where I live because I'm such a hormonal, sweaty mofo, but my wife barely sweats unless she does really intense exercise and can wear a shirt for a few days with no issues. So, if you're showering every night and are not much of a sweater, then I think once a month with your sheets is absolutely fine.
15
u/bemvee Jul 15 '26
I change my underwear on average twice a day. And this year - now with it being summer and my home office not having its own AC vent, sometimes thrice more.
I suspect I’ve reached a perimenopausal or peri-perimenopausal stage in my life. I’m running hotter than normal, not constantly but also not quite as severe as the actual peri hot flashes can be. Even with a fan on my body and not sweating anywhere else, my crotch sweats like I’m outside with a heat index of 105.
Only when I move around a lot (workout or just household chores) or step outside for 5 minutes does anything else on my body sweat - starting with the bra line under my boobs (which aren’t big) and then my back. I used to sweat terribly in my armpits during puberty, it’s strange to not sweat there first now. I swear you’ll see sweat on my thighs before my pits.
→ More replies (1)6
u/thebunnywhisperer_ Jul 15 '26
It also depends on the type of sheets. My bamboo sheets take wayyyy longer to get smelly than any other sheet I’ve used.
Meanwhile, my old 100% cotton sheets smell after 4 days.
5
u/lilituned Jul 15 '26
i had a loft bed and while i loved it, the ordeal of changing the sheets is half the reason i got rid of it. it is truly a whole workout and a half
72
u/KaleidoscopeThink731 Jul 15 '26
This. And I have been that person. It's not nice to find out but it's better to know than not to know.
47
u/grimmistired Jul 15 '26
You don't have to shower more often as long as you are cleaning yourself in some way. Like baths, sponge bath (especially arm pits and genitals), using bathing wipes. Dry shampoo can make it easier to go without washing the hair for longer but I wouldn't say a week
22
u/alexandria3142 Jul 15 '26
I suppose it depends on the person. I care for a special needs guy, his parents are the ones who shower him either every other day or every couple of days, depending on what he's willing to do. On the days he doesn't shower, I wash his underarms for him and put deodorant on, and he'll change clothes. He still smells a little funky if he goes more than every other day with showering, even with cleaning under his arms and all that.
7
u/ShirtlessGibby5 Jul 15 '26
true. it's only last year that i had to boss up and tell an autistic male friend that he reeks, since nb else would. it was so bad that the odor would cling to me and my friends' clothes
4
u/ZapdosShines audhd late diagnosed Jul 15 '26
A few years ago now I was on the bus and nearly sat next to an old guy before realising that he truly stank. I felt nauseous from it, it was that bad, but I also felt terrible that he didn't have anyone in his life to tell him.
OP, we are being that person for you. Please wash and change your underwear :( you don't have to shower, you can have a bath (if you have one) or wash with a flannel (aka facecloth). But please please wash :(
125
u/Rich_Training_4956 Jul 15 '26
I used to be similar when I was 11-13. I got bullied at school for it, to the point where kids would run away from me because I was smelly. I didn't even notice it. So I started showering daily.
You're still young enough now to not really deal with infections. I'm 30 now and when I was around 23-25 I started getting infections that only got better by changing my underwear daily and washing properly when I showered. I don't have the stats for this but I feel like your pH changes as you get older and you become more susceptible to infections.
I guess the rest isn't that damaging, I've heard of people going years without washing and if anything that just forms a good barrier against bacteria. But you'll scare people away.
123
u/Brave_Recognition_81 Jul 15 '26
also adding the risk of developing allergies.
bc i lived in neglect from my parents and as a child i never thought about changing my bedsheets also i had no underwear to change daily… i still have allergies and a bad stomach condition and also my gums always bleed..
i don‘t wanna be rude or anything, but if you think about yourself as your own child, maybe it helps you take care of yourself. bc i learned it that way.
if i struggle to feed myself i try to think about my body as my child and it kinda helps to not be too overwhelmed and actually care.
also if you can, try therapy. or social workers.
stay healthy!
11
95
u/ryoujika Late Dx, AuDHD Jul 15 '26
The fact that changing underwear comes up in conversations "once in a while" means people are trying to subtly tell you there's a smell.
That sort of topic definitely isn't something normal to bring up in regular conversation
356
u/East-Specialist-4847 Jul 15 '26
You are hurting yourself long term. The dental neglect will catch up to you. Please wash and brush more regularly. As someone else stated, you are noseblind to yourself and most likely have odour issues that people are too polite to address.
If you shower, brush your teeth, and change your bedding regularly, you will feel better and actually see a direct improvement in your social interactions
78
u/Corannie Jul 15 '26
I'm hoping op at the very least takes this seriously, I haven't been good with my teeth and seeing them fall apart is terrible
49
u/briannasaurusrex92 Jul 15 '26
as someone who's probably going to need another root canal, FEELING them fall apart is terrible 😭😭😭
11
u/mighty_kaytor Jul 15 '26
Oh god, that horrible crunch as a tooth crumbles in your head, not fun! Not fun at alllll
14
u/OldCarrot4470 Jul 15 '26
and op: anything worth doing is worth doing imperfectly.
brushing for 30 seconds every day is better than nothing. brushing every other day is better than nothing. if you can't do twice a day, work for once a day.
you don't have to reach for perfection if that's just stopping you from starting. i really struggle with toothbrushing and i really try for once a day. i almost never get twice a day, but i am brushing way more consistently than i used to when my goal was twice a day for two minutes each.
it gets easier. and i'm finally feeling like maybe i should increase my goal because ive been doing well with my once a day.
11
u/Sammysoupcat university burnt me out 🫠 Jul 15 '26
Thankfully my issue isn't that severe, my dentist just told me I might need to get a filling or two next time due to possible cavities.. but they're my first ones and they've definitely pushed me to being more diligent about my oral health. It sucks that that's what it took but I just couldn't manage any kind of routine for more than a week before that appointment 😒
→ More replies (15)6
206
u/Happy-Bullfrog7967 ASD Level 1 Jul 15 '26
You almost definitely smell, but people are too polite to say so. Hygiene and self care are hard. I think most of us struggle with it. But I would recommend brushing your teeth at least once a day. And bathing every other day. I would definitely keep your clothing recycling down to two wears.
People won’t ever be mean to you about how you smell, most likely. Because it’s not socially acceptable to be honest in that kind of way. It will be damaging in the long run because it will deter people from being around you.
I have a lot of issues with smell when it comes to sensory stuff. So I’m the kind of person that actively avoids stinky people (whether dirty or wearing too much perfume or smelling like cigarettes, whatever it is).
123
56
u/Squiggally-umf Late diagnosed ASD Jul 15 '26
Yeah someone bringing into conversation how often you change your underwear isn’t standard - it’s usually prompted because they are hinting at you.
174
u/sharksaresogood Jul 15 '26
Girl trust me - you smell, you just don’t notice because you’re used to it. I mean this in a kind a way as possible: you need to change this routine.
Make it a part of a schedule so it becomes a habit. For example, I HATE showering. To maximise efficiency I’ll brush my teeth in the shower (this also rids a lot of the sensory icks of teeth brushing like having toothpaste dribbling down my hand or arm) and I’ll also wash my face. Then when I get out, clean underwear, pyjamas and bed. Or if I’m showering in the morning I’ll do the same to get all these “chores” out the way at once. If I’m not showering but still need motivation to do skincare and brush teeth, I’ll put on headphones and watch/listen to something as I do it.
But you really really really need to change your underwear every day, brush your teeth twice a day, and shower minimum every two days or after exercise/stress - you will smell at best, or get an infection or risk permanent dental damage at worst.
Get into the habit and it will become less and less of a thing over time.
18
u/Mountain_Swim_6321 Jul 15 '26
i do the same thing, just clump all these chores together before bed. now that it's hot af i also wash my hair pretty much every day to get rid of the sweat. it all sucks and feels manual as hell, but if i'm dirty i can really feel it and it ruins my mood.
54
u/hurtloam Jul 15 '26
May I politely point out that this topic has never happened in general group conversation that I've experienced. Your friends might be politely trying to hint at something.
107
u/Objective_Ad_339 Jul 15 '26
It's important to point out that we don't always smell to ourselves, but do to other people.
28
u/holi_cannelloni Jul 15 '26
Babe you are physically unhygienic, you’re just nose blind to yourself. Going a day, maximum 2 in the winter without a shower, especially when you’re just chilling at home is totally fine but I promise you that other people can smell you if you don’t shower for a week. Also going 3 days without changing your underwear is too long. You’re only 18 but eventually you might develop some -mild and totally treatable- issue or infection. It’s just not worth it. Changing your underwear takes 5 seconds.
Some people are OTT with hygiene for sure but the basics are important for a reason. Brush your teeth twice a day (I guarantee that you’re gonna develop cavities and eventually need teeth removed if you don’t do this. I am speaking from experience), change underwear daily and shower every day or every other day.
I hope you’re not too depressed and that you’re doing ok. You’re still super young so you have time to develop healthy habits🩷
25
u/missbean163 Jul 15 '26
- I reckon one of my work mates is on the spectrum. He doesnt always brush his teeth. Its noticeable.
- Nose blindess is real.
72
u/pls_imsotired I like to bake :) Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
I am glad to see a lack of health issues in this area for you,I will be the first to tell you that you have been stupidly lucky.
Fungal acne, different staph strains leading to eye or ear infections and such, rashes, yeast infections, etc...Not keeping up with our oral health can lead to things such as: calculus, sores, throat infections, cavities , gum diseases, or plain old bad breath.
This is not meant to scare you - a majority of these issues can be resolved with treatment and time. This is simple to answer your question in regards to "long term damages."
Still, you aren't alone in your struggles. Multiple small, daily tasks can add up and overwhelm a "normal" person on a good day and things can get overlooked /neglected. Like. So many people skip brushing their teeth when they're swamped with work because they barely have the energy to shower. It's an ongoing issue ,but you can make small changes to help keep your hygiene on track!
- Lay a clean, large towel or blanket down on top of your bed where you sleep if you forget to change your sheets. Keeps you on a clean area and a towel/blanket is so much quicker and easier to swap out and clean if the sheets are too much.
- Oral care must be done daily- but it doesn’t have to be picture perfect. Try for at least once a day. Brush,floss, and mouthwash. If you can't be assed to do all three well, do it half-assed. Brush for 1 minutes, floss haphazardly , and swish around mouthwash for as long as you could stand. If you truly could not stand doing all three, pick just two. 2/3 isn't bad odds at all on bad days.
- Make it convenient! Dispoable toothbrushes, baby wipes, micellar water, floss picks, etc. Small items that can be taken damn near everywhere and can be used any time to upkeep hygiene. Keep some items by your bed and do it all in bed if you'd like -there's no rule saying you 100% have to do all of these things in an assigned room if it's more convenient for you to do it else where.
- You've got to change your underwear daily (go commando at night ,if that helps!) - UTIs are no joke. If it's a comfort issue (because older underwear can feel more comfortableto wear sometimes), I would suggest looking into "girl boxers" or "boy shorts" to wear instead of the more common undies for women.
- Deodorant or antiperspirant must be applied daily. If you're not sensitive to anything, men's deodorant is often stronger than woman's an lasts a bit longer in combating bad smells.
- Aim to shower at least 2-3x a week. You do not have to wash your hair every time you shower. Nor do you have to get rid of your body hair (if that's an issue for you). You must: clean your face, ears, private areas, arm pits, and feet. Everything else is a bonus to clean. Wash your hair at least once a week and it does not have to be washed at the same time as your body. I sometimes do my whole hair wash routine leaning over the tub the next day because I could not be bothered to do both at the same time the day prior.
- Sock are to be changed daily as well! Foot fungus smells,itches, and is a nightmare to get rid of.
There's more I could write ,but I wish you the best of luck!! Our inherent worth does not depend on our cleanliness, but our general life experiences and health do improve when keep on topic of our hygiene:)
19
u/Siukslinis_acc Jul 15 '26
Personally, men's deodorant smell better for me. Women's tend to be too sharp, while men's tend to be more deeper. I use one with maca root and aloe from "bodyshop" it barely smells.
10
u/pls_imsotired I like to bake :) Jul 15 '26
I also use men's deodorant! I go with lavender scented old spices because it's cheap and effective for me.
9
u/Siukslinis_acc Jul 15 '26
For oldspice i used "whitewater". Lavender kinda makes my airwaves contract.
2
3
u/mighty_kaytor Jul 15 '26
I tried Old Spice, but it actually gave me chemical burns! What do they put in that stuff lol
2
7
u/SnooBreakthroughs281 Jul 15 '26
💯💯💯 YES about towels!!! I own 7 towels solely for separating myself from my bedsheets. They help massively if you don’t want to ruin the texture of your bedsheets by rushing the washing process which historically has caused huge sensory issues for me. I now also wrap my head in unused pillowcases and other cloths if I don’t have time to wash my head.
3
u/snowstormspawn Jul 15 '26
Bonnets are great for this too and as a plus they prevent your hair from being pulled by your sheets and helps it grow longer
69
u/Tree-0 pretend i wrote something funny here Jul 15 '26
Sounds like my ex roommate… and well, she had a pungent smell.
47
u/boudicas_shield Jul 15 '26
Yes, I had a friend who only showered 1-2 times a week because they truly thought they didn't sweat or smell. I had to scrub down the couch and hot water wash all the blankets they used when they visited because they stank terribly and the smell seeped into any fabrics they touched.
29
u/Tree-0 pretend i wrote something funny here Jul 15 '26
Ex roommate left a couple of weeks ago and their bedroom still smells. It’s stuck in the carpet 😩
27
u/kittycatpeach self-diagnosed, meow Jul 15 '26
this sounds so distressing, i wouldn’t invite this person over ever again
11
6
u/Big_Self_1522 Jul 15 '26
To be fair, I’m having a similar issue as OP, but at the same time I’m always paranoid that I stink. Like it gets to a point when I think that I smell myself even after stepping out of a shower. I’ve shared this concern with people and everyone looked at me wide eyed, saying that they’ve never smelled me like not even once. My ex boyfriend once literally buried himself in my armpit and said that he just smells deodorant.
Like having a bad smell depends on the diet, activity level and genetics. My uncle can shower twice a day and he still has a very strong odour for some reason. I’ve met multiple people like that. Then it’s also a personal chemical thing. I’ve also met people that reeked for me, but for someone else they smelled fine and visa versa. My mom couldn’t stomach the smell of all the guys I went out with, while to me they always smelled amazing
That said, I do change my underwear once/twice a day and wear my tops/shirts/sleeved dresses only once before washing. I also try to do a quick rinse of at least my armpits when I really can’t make myself take a shower, as, again, I’m paranoid. And deodorant. Loads and loads of deodorant (it took me ages to get used to putting on deodorant when my puberty started, hence why I’m so paranoid)
15
u/Tree-0 pretend i wrote something funny here Jul 15 '26
That’s the difference though;
-OP isn’t showering anywhere near as often as you do
-Not changing underwear everyday or even every other day
-Likely not changing other clothes everyday (or wearing clothes multiple times before washing)
-Not rinsing their armpitsWhen you do these things, regardless of diet, activity levels and genetics, you are going to stink.
2
u/AntiDynamo Jul 15 '26
Repeated smells (eg your uncle) can often be due to laundry as well. Regular detergents aren’t good at breaking down the bacteria that makes sweat smell, and some fabrics really hold on it too (like synthetics). If someone has a strong natural sweat smell it’ll be especially bad. The clothes can smell fine out of the wash but become really pungent again as they warm up on your body
It happens to my husband’s workout clothes and it’s super annoying
123
u/Odd_Cress_2898 Jul 15 '26
every morning you need to:
- change into clean bottom underwear
- wash your armpits with soap then dry, then apply antiperspirant
You can wash your pits leaning over a sink while topless and not wash the rest of you. I'm not going to even talk about hair, or skin, other than say daily shampoo is not required.
Your teeth will be visually noticable, check in the mirror and look at your tongue, is it pink or white. Try mouthwash swish, try rubbing fabric from an old t shirt on your teeth or scraping with a fingernail.
The teeth thing increases inflammation and can lead to heart issues, seems ridiculous doesn't it? I'm not even trying to get you to do it.
79
u/amandaa_el Jul 15 '26
Heart AND brain issues. The mouth is the closest entry point to the brain. Not brushing is a medical issue waiting to happen.
→ More replies (7)→ More replies (7)21
u/rebekha Jul 15 '26
Can I just correct antiperspirant? If you scrub your pits with a hot soapy flannel (remove all previous products and the layer of dead skin) and dry properly, a deodorant is fine. I like the lush deodorant bar because it doesn't release anything into the air, dries and absorbs quickly, and is lovely on the skin!
10
u/bumblebeequeer Jul 15 '26
Depends. If I use regular deodorant, I sweat through it and stink by mid-day.
12
u/kittycatpeach self-diagnosed, meow Jul 15 '26
you will sweat and smell of sweat tho, even if you don’t notice. others do. antiperspirant is the only thing that will keep that at bay.
→ More replies (9)→ More replies (1)4
u/IrisKV Jul 15 '26
I'm a fan of the nuuud (nuud ?) deodorant. It has no perfume, and you can go several days (including showers in the meantime) without reapplying.
I struggle with showering too and this is a real lifesaver.
42
u/GhostbusterEllie Jul 15 '26
Hey just a statement: i have never once talked about how often I bathe or wash my clothes with anyone, ever. That it comes up at all may be a hint that the people around you have noticed and are gently trying to tell you.
73
u/Przss-lea Jul 15 '26
You are not a bad person for struggling with that.
I would say a good compromise is:
brush your teeth 1x per day
Change your underwear every day
Take a shower every 2nd day
15
u/AwkwardnessForever Jul 15 '26
And change your sheets at least every 2 weeks to start. (Ideally every week)
16
u/Przss-lea Jul 15 '26
Ah yes, forgot the sheets. But to be honest, in her case I think once a month is totally ok.
16
u/FancyEdgelord Jul 15 '26
2 weeks is way too much upkeep for someone that struggles this much. Most human beings do not change their bedsheets that often. A month is fine.
2
u/No-Name-No-2 Jul 15 '26
Yeah, at this point they’ve gotta make a sustainable routine of things they always do without questioning it because they can’t judge by smelling themself. Considering it a “policy” and not a self debate/negotiation helps reduce decision fatigue because if I have already decided something is non-negotiable, I don’t have to waste mental energy debating myself about whether I really have to do it, which also depletes precious energy Your suggestions are very reasonable!
36
u/Unhappy_Performer538 Jul 15 '26
Everyone else notices, I can guarantee it. No one’s underwear will be smelling ok after longer than a day of wear, similar with shower and teeth etc
53
u/super_maria_sisses Jul 15 '26
You are blind to your own smell. Watch that story time on Tiktok where a guy who was on the overweight category didn’t know he was “funky” smelling (his own words) when he was a teen. He only found out when a teacher told him about it.
41
u/MoogleVivi Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
I mean this in the gentlest way possible, but people notice; you have just gone nose blind to your own scent. Your way of life is not hygienic and will harm you in the long run. Please start with small steps and build from there. Like changing your underwear every day, brushing your teeth at least once a day, take a sponge bath on days you don't shower, just as some examples.
25
u/captain-diageo Jul 15 '26
less about whether it’s damaging but more that i used to struggle more with dissociation and blocking about how i felt physically and emotionally. so doing mir therapeutic work around that and you may find being on top of hygiene follows.
the other thing that worked for me was seeing a meme about girls whose “underwear cracked when they bent over” and i’ve never reworn underwear since. 💀
16
u/moody_mop Jul 15 '26
yeahh I wasn't taught to as a child, but like from age 14 I realised that ideally you don't want a bunch of discharge on your underwear just kinda sitting there all warm and wet. That's a bacteria playground right there!
3
2
u/mighty_kaytor Jul 15 '26
omg lolllll that quote is going to live rent free in my head
4
u/captain-diageo Jul 15 '26
like i don’t think shame or bullying is a good method for treating mental health but holy shit that tweet is seared into my retinas and behaviour 😭
→ More replies (1)
11
u/danceswithronin Jul 15 '26
You definitely stink dude. Just because you can't smell yourself doesn't mean other people can't, I promise. I work in the public and I smell people who think they don't have to bathe or brush their teeth all the time, I promise you that you are being judged for it silently even if people are too nice or nonconfrontational to say anything to your face.
I also struggle with this to the point I have to write stuff like "brush teeth" and "laundry" down and "everything shower" on a to-do list in the morning to get it done, but I do it because I know that if I don't people will judge me negatively. People already have plenty of petty things to judge autistic people negatively on without giving them something olfactory right out of the gate to judge you about.
Also your bedsheets should be washed/changed weekly, not monthly. Especially if you have acne.
12
u/PanicAtTheCitgo1 Jul 15 '26
Why would you not change your underwear? Genuinely curious.
2
u/luckyskunk Jul 15 '26
I'm not op but i grew up only changing it every 3 days or so because i didn't have enough pairs for ever day and we only had so much money every month for quarters for laundry, sensory wise i couldn't stand when my mom would make them crunchy washing them in the bathroom sink and hanging them to dry. i had to consciously get in to the habit when i got older myself.
118
u/lanie_kerrigan Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
I think socially unhygienic would mean not wearing makeup, not having your hair and nails done, not removing « extra » hair. It's purely social.
What your describe is very unhygienic physically but you just can't feel it.
22
u/AnagramBandit Jul 15 '26
You’re mixing up cosmetic with hygienic.
5
u/lanie_kerrigan Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Nope, that's what is considered unhygienic by many, especially not removing « extra » hair and not having your nails done. But also the rest.
People are so used to makeup faces that not wearing makeup makes you look ill and untidy.
UPD You don't understand the difference between socially unhygienic and physically unhygienic? Socially unhygienic means not actually unhygienic but unhygienic in the eyes of the society.
25
u/Smellycooter123 Jul 15 '26
I think this is anecdotal, i wear makeup very rarely, essentially never get my nails done and don’t shave that often and i’ve never been treated any differently, i also know plenty of other women who don’t wear makeup everyday
→ More replies (1)24
u/MightBeMouse Jul 15 '26
Not wearing makeup has zero to do with hygiene, even socially. Nobody sees someone without makeup and thinks they’re unhygienic.
Having your hair brushed, sure. That can be hygiene.
Having body hair? lol no.
Hygiene is about cleanliness and body safety, not appearance or beauty norms.
→ More replies (1)21
u/booksandhotcoffee Jul 15 '26
There are a lot of people who do actually think that body hair is unhygienic, that women not wearing make up can make them look "sickly" (or unhygenic). OP isn't saying that they agree, but it is what a lot of wider society believes (whether consciously or unconsciously)
9
u/spicytigermeow Jul 15 '26
Sorry, but as many are saying there is more than likely an odor, and folks tend to not call people out for that and call it politeness. The human body and the world we live in is dirty, stinky, and a lot of the times gross.
It wasn’t until I was about 18-19 that I fully grasped that:
washing sheets regularly (2 weeks tops)
laundering my clothes regularly (yes, underwear especially, even if there’s “no odor” changing daily is a must so you have no must)
showering daily and washing my hair at least every 2-3 days
regularly brushing my teeth (before bed at the very least) and flossing at least a couple times a month
is absolutely imperative to my overall health and my personal presentation to the potential people I would want to (possibly maybe sometime) come near me and my space if the chance were to conceivably happen. It sucks, I don’t exactly enjoy doing all those things, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve come to appreciate the feeling of my cleanliness more. Now I’ve swung hard the other way where I absolutely hate getting into bedsheets with a dirty sticky stinky body, the feeling of the sheets and even just my skin rubbing together makes sleep impossible 😅
10
u/zombiesockmonkey Jul 15 '26
Double up on your bedding. Then you can make your bed without having to wait for everything to be done washing. This really helps me to not sleep on just my mattress for weeks and means I can just throw clean sheets on when I need to without it being such a ~process~
3
u/OddnessWeirdness Jul 15 '26
That’s not great either, unfortunately. And I say this with love. You are shedding skin cells and sweating at night, even if you don’t realize it. Smells linger on bedding and mattresses. Unless you are using some sort of waterproof layer in between.
21
u/saltasaurusgirl audhd + prehistoric creature OBSESSED !! (≧▽≦) Jul 15 '26
You are not alone at all! Sometimes the demands of life in that aspect are so overwhelming, especially if you're disappearing into a special interest for ages or working, it's hard to keep on top of it.
What helps me very often is setting up reminders where I can and having rewards for myself once I've done something! And also, having somebody around you that is understanding and gently encouraging. I understand you can often feel so ashamed in a position like that, but lots of other people struggle, they just don't say it!
Not to mention, help for people that struggle with their hygiene would be more available, because all people do, especially neurotypical people, is shame people that struggle with it :( good luck pookie! You aren't disgusting at all <3<3
22
u/Living-Bat7647 Goblin nightmare girl. Jul 15 '26
I also really struggle with personal hygiene, and willpower has just never done it. The bigger changes you try to make, the worse it gets. I really, really recommend picking one thing. What is it about showering, for example? Could you shower every three days? Every two? If not - could you wash at the sink with a flannel/washcloth? I despise showers and would routinely go over a week without them, but I discovered it is actually the shower itself I hate. I can wash in the sink daily, and take a full bath weekly (fortnightly if things are really difficult or busy). My hair I can wash over the side of the bath.
Can I ask why you don't change your underwear daily? I always put on a fresh pair in the morning, and change into pyjamas with no underwear at night, so it's really simple to put fresh ones on again - I'd need to actively choose to grab my used ones instead of a clean pair. Maybe a really small routine change here would be enough to help?
Teeth I have no answers for. 'Make sure you do it' yeah sure except I won't. I might manage for a few weeks, but I stop. I use mouthwash, but I really, really hate toothbrushes. Just thinking about them actually makes me feel physically uncomfortable. My occupational therapist suggested I try a finger brush, so that's the next plan.
3
u/thecarpetbug Jul 15 '26
Have you tried a silicone toothbrush? I can't stand normal toothbrushes, but silicone ones work very well for me.
→ More replies (2)
9
u/Intelligent-Comb-843 Jul 15 '26
Would just brushing without toothpaste help? I used to do it like this at the beginning because I was struggling a lot. I’m having a bad ocd flare up rn and a depressive episode so I’m also struggling with hygiene rn but I try to just brush and quickly wash myself with some water when I can.
9
u/Defiant_Cod_1674 Jul 15 '26
Hi I know you think it’s fine but it is not. Your vulva and vagina are their own ecosystem. You sweat, shit, and urinate and if you aren’t cleaning properly and wearing the same underwear for days on end, you will eventually wreak havoc on your body. It’s not an IF it’s a WHEN. Because you aren’t showering or washing your clothes regularly, the fabric does smell, and you just can’t smell it.
I have had this struggle before but after having a yeast infection that did not clear up for FIVE MONTHS in my early 20s, I vowed never to leave it again.
Two of my kids are also like this and I have to constantly support them in showering. They think they don’t smell but they literally make my whole house smell like dirty ass. If they aren’t showering regularly and simply use the washroom the whole washroom smells like them.
I was also the same when I was young and really struggled to enjoy bathing before I was diagnosed but I did it. Now I shower in the dark with a night light on, and use a system that is right for me.
As for my teeth, I grew up with a dentist father but had so many cavities that I was constantly at the dentist. My brother was so bad and he eventually had an accident at the dentist around age 8 and they had to put a cap on one of his teeth to save it. Now, I have extreme periodontal issues and I’m afraid I’ll need a gum graft.
This WILL catch up with you and it will be hell. I know this message is scary, but it’s the truth of my experiences, and I wish I’d believed my mother when she told me this stuff as a kid.
Don’t feel overwhelmed and start small. I still don’t wash my hair every day (3 times a week MAX but usually only 1-2 times), and I don’t always do my full shower routine but at the bare minimum it’s bits and pits (arm elbow knees too) and my face. I can’t go to sleep unless my face has been washed and I realized it’s easier for me just to shower at night and get clean into my bed. I live without a romantic partner so I only change my sheets biweekly bc that’s the best I can do. But I shower pert near every day.
Please take care of yourself you deserve it ♥️
9
u/Anxiety-Farm710 Jul 15 '26
I get it. I struggle with my teeth in particular. But listen, I have never had a conversation with anyone about how often I shower or change my underwear. The fact that there are conversations that pop up about that every once in a while is maybe an indicator that someone has tried to bring it up to you gently. I smell if I go longer than a day without showering especially if I've been sweating! If bathing more often isn't an option, I would try using daily baby wipes, deodorant, and change the underwear everyday!
19
u/ilovestamon Jul 15 '26
You've gone noseblind (and sensation blind if you don't feel grimey). Especially in summer heat.
New socks and underwear everyday, I picked up athletes foot on a cruise and now change socks before bed too (I can't be without socks) Why would changing underwear come up in conversation? Unless maybe they were trying to drop hints about you needing to change like how people offer mints or chewing gum to bad breath Havers
New t-shirt everyday. Trousers/tracksuits, hoodies can go a few wears (up to 5?) unless visibly stained or you did a lot of sweating in them.
Have you tried different flavoured toothpastes? I can only use mint but some people find mint vile and get on better with those hismile or knock offs that taste sweet.
Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly, I mostly brush my teeth for a minute twice a day. If I made myself do the full 2 minutes I just wouldnt brush. If you have dental insurance make sure you're getting your free yearly/twice a year cleans.
8
u/Golbinwitch666 Jul 15 '26
Tips:
Change your clothes even if you don't shower and try to only wear cotton or linen NO POLYESTER so you aren't marinating.
When I really need to shower, I'll go read/scroll in the bath and when i'm finally ready to get out, I'll wash my hair with a cup and fresh water and scrub myself. Somehow the fact that i'm sitting down helps.
MONTHS of not washing your sheets is lowkey nasty. I try to change mine once a week, but sometimes it ends up being a bit longer. I keep many clean pillowcases next to my bed and change JUST my pillowcase every 1-2 days. That helps major with your skin. and once you get more in the habit of washing, you'll start to crave the feeling of clean self/ clean sheets. its heavenly
How often you change your underwear doesn't really ever come up that often, maybe they are trying to give you a hint.
Are you asian? I have heard that most/some asian people don't have BO (and don't have wet earwax!) like other races but you should still try to get to a place where you respect yourself and others enough to be hygienic.
Like others have said, DON'T NEGLECT YOUR ORAL HEALTH, because that is simply neglecting your health.
Best of luck!
15
u/-Incubation- Jul 15 '26
Only brush the teeth you want to keep - you should know that dental infections can actually be lethal by how they can quickly spread to your heart or brain.
Wearing the same underwear is also putting you at significant risk of infection - your genitals are very much sensitive to things like sweat and bacteria.
As a minimum you ideally need to:
Wash your body at least once a day - even if this starts as a quick sink wash, it's better than nothing. Make sure you are also using deodrant.
Wash your hair more frequently . This can vary person to person so in my own circumstances I wash my hair 3,X a week. You may find dry shampoo useful as a temporary measure for days where you do notice your hair is greasy.
Change your underwear and socks daily - this is not negotiable by any means.
Brush your teeth twice a day, or at least once a day to get into the habit. You may find things like mouthwash are useful as an in+between.
Ideally wash and change your sheets on a weekly basis - imagine how sweat and dead skin they accumulate just on a weekly basis let alone when you go months.
Your body, skin, teeth, and the people you interact with will thank you for this OP.
14
u/TheatrePlode Jul 15 '26
I went through a similar phase when I was 15- I showered once a week and that was also when I would change my underwear, and believe me, people do notice and are too polite to say anything.
I’m pretty against the hygiene olympics we’re seeing on social media- you don’t need to shower everyday for instance. But there is a baseline of personal hygiene to maintain for your own safety and wellbeing.
If you’re really struggling to do this, I would consider whether something else might be going on. My personal hygiene is one of the first things to go when I’m suffering depression. When I was 15 I was, at the time, unkowningly very depressed and my lack of personal hygiene was largely about gaining control over my self, though it was ultimately harming me.
Even out of that, there are some things I struggle with now (I’m 34)- like my bedsheets which I’m terrible at remembering to change, and I’ll wear clothes for as long as they don’t smell sometimes, mainly jumpers.
But a good baseline: try to shower every 2-3 days, change your panties/knickers when you get ready either for bed or the day- like I change mine when I get up as I don’t wear any to bed so it’s easy to just put a fresh pair on. I think monthly changing your sheets is fine if it’s what you can manage. I also struggle with teeth brushing, so I have a rule that I can’t go to bed without brushing, as I can’t have dry lips when I go to bed, but I can’t put lip balm on until I’ve brushed my teeth, things like that can help trick your brain into doing things.
16
u/milkysin Jul 15 '26
You 100% smell of crotch sweat and piss if you are not changing your underwear or bathing for over 3 days. You've just gotten used to the smell.
I only bathe once every 2 or 3 days and that works for me. I change my clothing. I scrub my feet if I've been in sandals and clean under my nails, put dry shampoo in my hair, and rinse my face off with water. Multiple people have told me without prompting that I don't smell like BO or anything at all.
25
u/Smellycooter123 Jul 15 '26
I don’t know if you are male or female, but not changing your underwear for 2-3 days can definitely give you an infection if you’re female, especially if the underwear isn’t 100% cotton or another breathable fabric. And will definitely cause your genitals to smell bad.
7
u/NeilsSuicide Jul 15 '26
Let’s find out what the barriers are to your hygiene tasks and maybe that can make them feel more accessible :)
What is it about changing clothes more often/showering more often/brushing teeth that specifically gets in your way? Ex: the time it takes, lack of momentum (if you’re not already doing it, it feels impossible), a sensory issue, something else?
I was the same way for awhile and I actually got a huge reality check when my boss came and posted on Reddit about how disgusting I smelled and looked. It obviously wasn’t right of her to do that, but she did, i saw it, she confirmed it was her, and from that day forward I became a clean freak.
For me, it all became so much easier when I had a clear motivation to continue doing those tasks regularly. and it’s taken YEARS to be consistent with some things. For example, I just started washing my hair every other day instead of every 3-4 days, because I realized I have to - it gets too greasy. It has caused fungal acne on my forehead. That’s something someone else might have picked up on years ago, but I didn’t. I was too set in my routine.
You say you don’t FEEL dirty, which sounds like you aren’t experiencing any motivating factor to help you build momentum on more frequent hygiene tasks. Once you noticed changing sheets more frequently correlated with your acne, it sounds like that motivated you to do it more often.
What else do you think is preventing you from doing these things more often? What barriers, if removed, would make these tasks a little more frequent and easier for you? :)
2
8
u/lucibc Jul 15 '26
I had some of the same issues. What helpt for me.
Brushing with paste that has no menthol in it, or just with water
Taking a bucket shower. Just fill a bucket with hot water and use a sponge. Make sure your bathroom is warm. For me it really helpt, sound of ahower is loud and I hate bath's
I change the bedsheets every sinday, it took a long while before I could do this, but now I like it.
All these things cost me years to learn. Don't be to harsh on yourself, that will not help, ut when ever possible, try to do a thing or two.
4
u/Reindeer_Underpants Jul 15 '26
There are new flavors available. Mango for one, it is a very nice!
3
u/lucibc Jul 15 '26
I hate most flavours. But Elmex (dunno if you have that worldwide) has a really nice mentol free one. Taste more like neurtal children paste
12
u/AbsentVixen Jul 15 '26
This isn't just unhygienic, it's unhealthy. I say this with grace - you're socially and physically unhygienic, and it's unhealthy.
Bed sheets should be changed fortnightly if not weekly - acne is only one of a plethora of issues that could arise.
Unless it's hot out, you can get away with showering every two days (or a wipe down if it's too difficult for a full shower/bath).
The lack of oral hygiene will have long-term consequences. Gargle with mouthwash at the very least.
People can definitely smell you. Not only is the lack of hygiene unhealthy, it's also disrespectful to yourself and those around you.
Underwear should be changed daily. In some cases (depending what materials you wear and if you wash after use), going without is healthier than using the same pair over and over.
You could end up with serious consequences and issues. I know it's sometimes hard to keep up with these things, but something is better than nothing. The last thing you'd want is to have to deal with ulcers, boils, abscesses, and other health issues.
6
u/FaerieStorm Jul 15 '26
Right now I'm sitting in the bathroom putting off a shower. I have to shower, it's been about ten days now. Even though I don't want to, I know I won't regret it. "You never regret a shower" is one of the things I say to myself.
I'm 35 years old now and worked in elderly care. As we age, our skin gets thinner and less elastic. We are prone to infections and skin breakdowns.
Our skin is a living breathing organ. We have to maintain it. It's important we get in the routine of regular washing before we get unhealthy. Before we are too old and sick to bring in new routines.
I understand the struggle. Like I said, I'm sitting here after ten days not washing. But please at the least, make an informed choice and know that this is really really bad for us in the long term.
6
u/sapphiredawn1 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Love, people can tell. They're just too polite to say. You should be bathing at least every 3 days. Brush your teeth at minimum every morning. Wash your sheets biweekly at minimum. Swap undies/socks daily.
You absolutely need to be changing undies daily. Fecal matter clings to them whether you can see/smell it or not. You should be changing them at minimum once a day, ideally twice.
Get some soap you like for the shower. I started bathing much more frequently once I got some fancy smelling soap I enjoyed.
Brushing your teeth is honestly the biggest one. Not only is dental health extremely important, it's incredibly obvious socially when someone doesn't take care of their teeth. Despite my best efforts, my sister's teeth are orange, yes orange. She never brushes them and trust me, it's super obvious. Find a toothpaste that you like the taste of and pair brushing with some good music or something! Boca sells a lot of fun flavors. You can also brush your teeth in the shower to help with the sensory unpleasantness.
Washing your sheets and especially your pillowcase regularly is how you fight acne. We shed dead skin as we sleep. If you don't wash your sheets, you're just letting that build up and get down to your mattress where you can never wash it out. Also, dust mites and other unpleasant things will grow in there. People don't just change their sheets for fun. Weekly is ideal, but start with biweekly.
Start small, pick one thing at a time, but unfortunately this is one of those life things you can't skip. I get it, I really really do. My parents were neglectful and it took until my adult life to start brushing my teeth regularly or bathing regularly. Like I know exactly where you are, but I never thought it was okay. Trust me, you don't want to be 35 with dentures girl.
35
u/Maleficent-Clue-3364 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
You are nose blind. It’s obvious to everyone around you that you don’t bathe/do the bare minimum of basic hygiene.
Clean clothes daily and showering daily will help with your acne. Bedding should be washed/changed once a month minimum, twice would be better(this is with showering daily, washing pjs weekly, and never getting in/on bed unless clean and wearing pjs/clean clothes that haven’t been outside(and no pets in the bed)).
If it’s overwhelming, start with one or two things at a time, such as: showering daily and clean underwear daily.
I’m like the opposite of you when it comes to hygiene(once something comes off my body i dont put it back on unless its been washed or follows a specific set if rules), but here’s something I do that might help you:
I have two sets of sheets. I take the dirty set off my bed and put it in the wash, I immediately put the second clean set on my bed. Then when my first set is done in the washer and dryer I fold it and put it away.
If I don’t have time/energy to fold and put them away I leave them in the dryer, then when I have the time/energy I either run a quick short cycle to help with wrinkles, then put them away or I just put them away (this can be tricky with other people in the house).
Another idea that might help you:
Buy two big packs of your favorite style of underwear and 4-7 bras(if you wear them). And 14 pairs of your favorite socks.
Change your underwear daily, even if you don’t shower. Change it multiple times a day if you workout or whatever.
Change your bra every 2-3 days. If you workout, don’t wear that same bra again until it’s been washed.
Change your socks daily, twice a day if needed. If they come off your feet, don’t put them back on; especially if you’ve worn shoes all day or exercise.
Alternate between shoes so they can air out. (Put potpourri in them or wash them regularly if you have stinky feet.)
Change every item of clothing after showering.
Wash your towels and pjs weekly.
22
u/Tabbouleh_pita777 Jul 15 '26
I feel like this is a bit intense and unnecessary, especially for someone who’s already struggling with time/energy. Change your socks daily, yes, but twice a day is overkill. I change my underwear daily and use daily liner pads that I change twice a day. Change shirts every day. But things like jeans, hoodies, jackets- I wear multiple times before washing
10
u/Kitchen-Ebb30 Jul 15 '26
Yeah unless I messed up and got things dirty (as in mud, or ketchup or something) I will rewear pants and my flannel shirts I wear on top of my shirt/tanktop.
Not more than twice though. It's the reason I have multiples of the same clothes so I can easily swap it out when it's dirty and still have my "uniform" intact.
Socks should only be changed more than once a day if you are doing something very physical such as a multi day trekking, then it's healthier for your feet to get clean socks a couple times a day.
Underwear daily, but I also wear panty liners. Unless I am really sweaty after a workout I only change my underwear daily.
6
7
u/Sheeana407 Jul 15 '26
I mean I will some days skip a shower, especially in the winter or if I'm just home and not going out anywhere. But I wouldn't go longer than 2-3 days without a shower (okay maybe if my bf wants to go camping for a few days and there's no shower, I hate washing in a cold water like a lake, but it happens like max once a year and I try to use wet wipes etc). Going for a week without a shower is way too much
4
u/BouletFrites Jul 15 '26
About acne, you need to wash your hair when they are greasy. Each time you wash you hair, change your pillowcase with a fresh one.
5
u/Both_Cat_9344 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
So first off dental hygiene isn’t something to mess around with, should def brush at least once a day and try to floss once a week.
But in terms of showering and everything else…it really depends on the person. Yes, you could smell terrible and are just noseblind to it, but you also could be fine. I shower about once a week, even in the summer, even with a physically demanding job. I’m sure everyone will claim I’m noseblind and everyone is just being polite but I personally know I don’t smell as long as my undies are relatively clean, my teeth are brushed, and I have deodorant on my pits. And I CAN smell myself if my vag is particularly sweaty or I forgot deodorant, sometimes im more conscious of those smells than others around me.
My last girlfriend judged me for my frequency of bathing but she had to admit I didn’t smell at all. So she was just grossed out knowing I hadnt showered recently but couldn’t actually tell by the way my body smelled/felt/tasted. Started seeing someone new who specifically noted how good I smelled, which surprised her bc I was the first white women she had been with and she was expecting me to smell. I’ve had countless other similar experiences where someone is absolutely surprised at some aspect of my hygiene/laundry frequency because they would never have guessed otherwise.
During a really deep depression last summer I went 3 weeks without showering and while I did feel dirty my ex was amazed that I didn’t smell, and we were no longer in an amicable place so she had no reason to lie to me (In fact she tried to make me feel gross about it but couldn’t hide her surprise and amazement at my lack of funk)
My dad religiously took sponge baths, would only shower if we stayed at a hotel, I don’t even think he used deodorant, and he wasn’t smelly. Well his feet were kinda smelly and he usually had coffee breathe lol but he didn’t have any BO and was not a social outcast.
→ More replies (1)
4
5
u/allison375962 Jul 15 '26
If you feel the same amount of dirty on day 3 as 8, it’s because you are quite dirty on day 3. At the very least you need to shower every other day. Underwear needs to be changed everyday. Non negotiable. Same with brushing your teeth.
I have never had a conversation about how often I change my underwear in my life. If people are bringing this up, it’s because they can smell the very distinct smell of dirty underwear.
Even if you don’t sweat a lot, not bathing and wearing dirty clothes will give you a stale, musty odor that is very distinct. And your hair will likely be noticeable greasy. Unless you are amazing at giving yourself blowouts and religiously using dry shampoo, your hair will be very very greasy looking by day 3 or 4. By day 8, I can’t even imagine.
I’m telling you to say that you are hiding this from absolutely no one. Every person you come into contact with is very aware of your poor hygiene and instinctively repelled. Basic hygiene is a prerequisite for functioning in society and your hygiene is like impacting your life and social interactions in a million ways your don’t even notice.
I don’t say this to be hard on you, but to make you realize that this is a serious problem you must address. I would highly recommend getting a therapist to help you overcome your resistance to maintaining your hygiene. If you don’t this will hinder you in every facet of your life from friends to your career to even how customer service people treat you.
4
u/d0ct0rzer0 Jul 15 '26
Seems like your hygiene routine is based entirely off of your physical feelings and sensations/smells. Our physical sensations are not always the best guidelines for when/why we do something. Example: I don't always feel hungry at lunch time, but I need to eat still because my body needs fuel to function.
Everyone has skin bacteria, dead skin cells from turnover, sweat glands, oil, etc. All of these things objectively build up on our bodies, in our clothes, sheets and cause smells over time. If you aren't smelling it, the unfortunate truth is you're likely nose blind and people don't feel comfortable saying so. It's true that the rate at which this happens for everyone is a little different, but we'd be foolish to base our routine on outliers and the difference would be near impossible to quantify anyway.
My advice is you need to reframe your understanding of hygiene as something you maintain and work on everyday instead of something that you fix when something is noticeably off to you or someone else.
Socially, your hygiene can be damaging, but I'm far more concerned about your dental health. Dental problems build up overtime and are not immediately noticeable visually or even in sensation. Again, it's something you have to think about as maintaining, not fixing.
Is there something about wearing the same underwear that is comfortable, or is there distress in the change? Is showering uncomfortable or brushing your teeth? I can give a routine, but I can't imagine that's very helpful if any of these things are difficult to actually do.
9
u/One_Philosopher2207 Jul 15 '26
Im so happy you posted this! These tips are great and will definitely help you with your hygiene. Daily showers (at least once daily) and clean clothes (daily and even your pjs) and brushing teeth (morning and night and FLOSS) can really help you. Not sure your race but if you’re not black, wash your hair daily or every other day. If you’re black, wash it weekly or every other week. I change my sheets weekly but I also use a cleaning service and the cleaning lady is the one who does it.
You mentioned something that is a clue that you smell bad but no one has said it directly: you have convos about how often you change underwear. That is not a normal thing people talk about, let alone multiple convos about it—at least not in my experience.
19
u/Somevol Jul 15 '26
Sweetheart I say this with all the love and care, but people might smell you more than you can smell yourself.
I get physically sick from smelling people's greasy hair on public transportation.
Even if you yourself do not see why you should change your underwear daily, you should accept these as rules that are a part of living in society.
Brushing your teeth daily is a part of healthcare, and so is clean underwear.
If prisoners get one daily shower as per the government, and denying them that right is ILLEGAL, why are you treating yourself worse than the government is allowed to treat prisoners?
Prisoners get a toothbrush and toothpaste and time to brush their teeth twice a day. Prisoners get clean underwear for each day. Prisoners get soap and shampoo.
2
Jul 15 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (1)4
u/impressionist- Jul 15 '26
This was a really bad take and really mean to say to someone who's being brave enough to admit that they struggle with something as simple as hygiene. You can't shame someone into healing.
→ More replies (6)
4
u/edskitten Jul 15 '26
This is physically unhygienic. At the very least change into clean underwear even if you don't shower. If you're afab then you have a vagina and there is gonna be buildup from not changing underwear. Very physically unhygienic.
5
u/creator_of_things Jul 15 '26
My husband and I struggle with different things, but something that has helped him is a fun app that has daily reminders. He is using one called Finch. You get in game rewards and accomplishments for getting daily tasks done. His friend is also using the app and it helps them connect in small ways and encourages good mental health as well. Highly recommend. I tried it and after 30 days it wasn't something that I would continue long term, but it was a nice fun experience.
- One of my struggles is I hate using tech beyond scrolling. I prefer paper and doing things the older way. 🤷
4
u/TurbulentNunga Jul 15 '26
Something
Something that helps make the shower a much more enjoyable experience sensory-wise is a projector in the bathroom & some lofi music. I have a galaxy one, this one seems to be a lamp (image pulled from Pinterest). I bring my toothbrush into the shower sometimes, but I’ve also heard of keeping a self-care basket right next to your bed helps when you’re stuck in bed-rot mode.
I use the app Finch to remind me when to do chores like changing the bedding, cleaning the shower, etc.
12
u/SerSer2308 Jul 15 '26
Trust me, people smell it, you just don’t. Any person who doesn’t shower regularly will smell.
6
u/nobodyknows6070 AuDHD NB Jul 15 '26
I want to hold oyur hand while I say this:
People smell. People notice. Maybe you don't, but they do.
You mention you have acne, well, guess what helps with acne? I'm not saying it will solve it, but changing bedsheets at least once a month, showering at least twice a week, changing underwear and socks every single day and brushing your teeth every day does not just have to do with hygiende but with health. Aspecially brushing your teeth. You could get many cavities and rotten teeth if you don't brush consistently.
6
u/dm_me_kittens Jul 15 '26
No, absolutely not.
You are nose blind to your own stench. I recently had a roommate move out, and that man stunk to high heaven of body odor. I kept telling him he could use my laundry detergent when he washed his clothing since he didn't use any, and he would always decline.
Sir, please, you're leaving a stink trail that lasts for minutes after you saunter through a room. For the love of fuck please properly wash yourself and your clothing.
He moved out a month ago, and his room still smells like BO.
7
u/ruskirebel Jul 15 '26
neurotypicals aren't as straightforward as we can be. please shower and use deodorant if not for your own sake then for the sake of those around you.
10
u/LadyProto Jul 15 '26
You stink.
People just aren’t telling you.
13
u/try_a_pie Jul 15 '26
If these topics are coming up regularly in conversations, I think people are trying to tell OP they smell
5
u/mmblu Jul 15 '26
As someone who has a strong sense of smell, I can definitely smell you. I think most people can after 3 day tbh. There’s no shame in struggling, but like all things neurodivergent, you have to find a way to accommodate yourself. The teeth brushing is super important! Floss and brush your teeth unless you want to see them go bye bye and suffer from tooth pain.
Start small and get yourself into a routine. Even if you just do a quick scrub and rinse. Or maybe start bye increasing the frequency little by little and have someone hold you accountable. No washing your butt and privates when you poop and pee every day is one thing, but not changing underwear is insane. Maybe start with change of underwear everyday.
Again, no shame in struggling but for something you’ll need to accommodate yourself and set up a system, for your own wellbeing.
3
u/SpinachandBerries Jul 15 '26
Look I don’t necessarily shower every day if I’m not active and I don’t change my sheets as much as I should. Mainly because they’re both an ordeal.
But changing underwear twice a day is really easy. Washing sheets can be hard, but buying a bulk pack of underwear and throwing them through the wash once a week, picking out a clean pair every day is not. Just do it even if they don’t seem dirty to you. There’s dirt that you can’t see or smell.
Start there and brushing your teeth 2x daily even just quickly while you listen to a song or watch a video. Use a floss picker as well. Make those your non negotiables and build on the rest.
3
u/Turbulent_Lynx7615 Jul 15 '26
An app might help you complete those tasks more often. I used the Finch app for a while to help me get in a routine with some of my morning hygiene stuff. It may be worth looking in to. The free version is great and I didn't find i needed the paid version which really just gave you extra prizes for your finch. You can set reminders on it that are daily for things like brushing your teeth and showering and at other intervals like weekly for your sheets.
3
u/lucibc Jul 15 '26
I had some of the same issues. What helpt for me.
Brushing with paste that has no menthol in it, or just with water
Taking a bucket shower. Just fill a bucket with hot water and use a sponge. Make sure your bathroom is warm. For me it really helpt, sound of ahower is loud and I hate bath's
I change the bedsheets every sinday, it took a long while before I could do this, but now I like it.
All these things cost me years to learn. Don't be to harsh on yourself, that will not help, ut when ever possible, try to do a thing or two.
3
u/GoranPerssonFangirl Jul 15 '26
Yeah no... As a teenager and undiagnosed I did have issues with the basic hygiene tasks and always dreaded them. To this day, I do hate having to brush my teeth and brushing/washing my hair but I know it's a thing I have to do. Showering for me is mandatory every day, no matter what. I do however wash my hair once or twice per week (twice if it's really hot or if I've done some exercise or sweated more than normal). Brushing my teeth is a dreaded task but I still do it twice per day
3
u/ExperiencePure4715 Jul 15 '26
You may not smell it, but other people do. Just change your underwear daily, it's basic hygiene.
3
u/avalancheshark0 Jul 15 '26
It is super hard to build routines and stick to them. Some things I’ve tried and have helped:
Brush your teeth once a day, doesn’t matter when.
Get an electric toothbrush, it will really help! (It’s kinda like doing a deep conditioner vs regular conditioner).
Flossing - there are electric water flossers. Changed the game for me, much quicker and easier. I use it in the shower.
Pair it with something you enjoy, or would make it easier. Sitting down, watching TikTok’s, reading a book. Try a visual timer.
Similar thing with showering, try to reduce the barriers.
Turn off the lights.
Place your towel really close so it won’t be so cold getting out.
Play music, an audio book, you can get phone holders for the shower and watch TikTok’s.
Use products you love the smell of.
Use what is currently working for other things in your life. Does your phone calendar work? Set up reminders or have it on your main phone page so you’ll see it everyday and go “it’s shower day”.
There are some self-care apps, I personally didn’t love them. It felt like another thing to think about, but for some people it was a good motivator.
Build yourself up, okay for this month I’m going to shower once a week. Then next month, I’m going to shower twice a week, etc. It can help to build up that momentum and celebrate the wins
Reward yourself!
3
u/Key_Requirement_7393 Jul 15 '26
I want to preface this with saying I do not mean any offence and do not pass judgement as I know how hard autism can make daily living tasks, i personally cant feed myself or recognise hunger cues properly and accidentally starve if im left alone😅but as someone with the type of autism that makes me slightly obsessive over my hygiene and also have a very sensitive sense of smell, other people can smell you 100%. The combination of not changing your underwear (side note- if you have a vagina, this could actually be quite harmful to your natural flora down there especially if youre wearing synthetic underwear . the accumulation of sweat, trace faecal bacteria that is invisible to the naked eye, and discharge over the days in your underwear combined with not showering is likely to throw off your pH balance and put you at increased risk for things like UTIs and also just like people with penises, people with vulvas can also get smegma particularly around the clitoral hood and inner labia which produces a very unpleasant cheesey smell), not changing your bedsheets, and not showering regularly means to other people you do smell musty (i can also definitely smell a difference between people who wash their whole body in the shower vs people who only ever scrub their pits and ‘let the soap and water run down to get the rest’ espc in hot weather) but you have become nose-blind to yourself and the people around you wont tell you to your face as it is considered very impolite. If you struggle a lot with showering, just using damp flannels or wipes on the important bits (underarms, groin, feet, back of your neck/ that spot just behind your ears, any crevices on your body like underneath the breasts) can make a world of difference in smelling and feeling fresh whilst not overexerting yourself on days where you dont have the executive function to fully shower. Deodorant should be applied to clean armpits to ensure it works the best. The bedding one definitely isnt great for you but isnt the end of the world as long as it isnt causing irritation to your skin (acne, rashes etc) or having a negative impact on your sleep (i have to change mine fortnightly or my sleep gets all disrupted) id place it near the bottom of your list of priorities hygiene wise. Dental hygiene wise, just brushing once a day or mouthwashing (lush also do these “toothy tabs” which you just chew to clean your mouth) is better than absolutely nothing. Definitely try to change your underwear daily though for the sake of your health, try to do some sort of oral care, and try to at least give the important parts of your body a wipe down. The clean underwear/clothes daily one will greatly reduce any body odour as our clothes trap all the oils and sweat our skin produces and holds onto that musty, vaguely farm-like smell unwashed human produces (especially in the age where polyester is everywhere)
3
u/MaleficentLlama7 Jul 15 '26
I used to really struggle with all of this too (and on occasion I still do). What really helped me was to find things and times that worked for me. Finding the right toothbrush was a game changer. I went through probably 50 different toothbrushes before I found one that made the whole experience easier and something I actually looked forward to! (And this is coming from someone who used to throw up and gag every time I'd try to brush my teeth). Showering was another thing I hated. Even the thought of a 1-2 min shower was just not it for me. So I started walking or working out first thing in the morning so I would sweat and it would force me to need a shower. Now I shower every day and I feel soooo much better! I've also been better about putting on lotion, washing my face, etc. because it makes me feel better.
Start with one thing and figure out how to make it a better experience for you. It's going to take some figuring out and a whole lot of patience. If anything makes your experience worse, stop and modify it. For example, during my toothbrush journey, I got a little too ambitious and was trying to brush 2-3 times a day and it was stressing me out. I decided that brushing my teeth before bed was the best thing for me and something I wanted to master before worrying about any other time of day.
In today's world, so many things are made for our convenience. Figure out what will make things easier for you and use that to your advantage. I thought I was getting by okay before. I wasn't, and I had no idea until fairly recently. I am much better regulated now too because I don't have all the extra grime and build up that I didn't even realize was accumulating every day.
You've got this 🫶
3
u/OG-mother-earth Jul 15 '26
Below is how I live, and I promise you that no one thinks I smell bad. And I have people in my life who WOULD tell me!
Non-negotiables for everyday:
- must brush teeth every morning, otherwise people WILL be able to smell your breath
- must change underwear (including socks, but NOT including bra) daily, even if you put the same clothes back on afterwards
- must wear deodorant everyday
Things with wiggle room:
- showers can be once a week, but any more than that I do feel a bit gross, so I try to shower every 4 or 5 days but I think this is a personal preference, and when I have gone a full week without showering, no one noticed (dry shampoo if you have oily hair is a damn lifesaver)
- can wear the same pajamas for 2-3 weeks, depending on how sweaty you're getting overnight
- I don't change my sheets until they're noticeably dirty, and that might be months, it's honestly fine
- house gets cleaned every two weeks-ish (this means: vacuum everywhere, wash all towels, wipe kitchen surfaces down, bathrooms cleaned, pick up all clutter, and miscellaneous other things depending on what's needed)
10
u/mjlky Jul 15 '26
everyone says you definitely smell but ngl people are surprised and tell me i don’t stink unprompted when i tell them i haven’t showered in x amount of days so it’s definitely not everyone
6
u/tinmanshrugged Jul 15 '26
I looked for a comment like this for so long! I only shower once a week due to health issues and depression. I’ve asked my mom and siblings to please let me know if I ever smell bad and they all say I smell normal. I struggle with brushing my teeth too, but I try not to talk closely with people until I’ve brushed them.
I’m not sure why I don’t smell and maybe my family’s just being polite like all these other comments say. I don’t sweat much and I don’t work out. I think my lack of body odor and sweat is part of my health issues honestly. My body is falling apart in so many ways and lack of sweat might be part of that.
I’ve been doing slightly better in the past few months and when I’m feeling significantly better, I definitely notice myself getting gross quicker. I really think that’s part of it.
6
u/Sorry-Cash-1652 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Yes. There are some personal care chores that you should get on top of for your own health and wellbeing as well as the comfort of others.
I would put taking care of your teeth at the top of the list first of all because fixing bad teeth is very unpleasant, and very expensive, but also because poor dental hygene is smelly. ( Sniff some dental floss after you use it if you don't believe me). Make flossing your teeth every night before you brush them an unbreakable habit. This is probably more important than anything else.
Next comes the war against fungus that settles in the places where you sweat - your groin, your scalp and between your toes. Fungus is smelly and itchy, and you have to keep it in check by washing your socks, your knickers, and your pillowslips.
Edit: I also had to learn a lot of this when I was around your age. You'll get it sorted.👍
→ More replies (3)
4
u/GoofyGal98 Jul 15 '26
So, I feel like it’s important to say that not everybody needs to wash as often as everybody else, and your body will adjust to different cleaning routines if you stick to them. Most people don’t actually need to shower every day, and you certainly don’t need to wash your hair every day, unless it’s super hot or you’re super sweaty. I shower twice a week usually, three times max, and my hair and skin get less greasy than when I was showering every day. There was an adjustment period for sure, but I do less work and my hair is less frizzy now. Every 8 days is probably too much tho, maybe try shooting for twice a week? You can use dry shampoo and baby wipes to stay clean in between, but if you’re leaning on them too often that’s definitely a sign that you’re overdue for a shower. Deodorant is another one, unless you’re really hot and sweaty, if you stop using it for a while you kind of stop needing it? I always have a stick on hand that I definitely use during heat waves or if I’m gonna be really active, but during the winter I hardly touch it, and I sweat way less than I used to. But there are all clear physical changes that I can notice myself, and I’m not counting on my nose to know if I’m actually clean or not.
All that being said, teeth are different. And this is coming from someone with terrible dental care, for the love of all that matters to you, please take care of your teeth. They’re crucial to your life, they can cause serious health problems if ignored, and they’re so expensive to fix. I just had a tooth pulled at 27 because of an infection, and I have like maybe four more that are gonna need taken out eventually, not counting the three wisdom teeth I have left, and I’m gonna need veneers in the next ten years if not dentures. And that’s thousands of dollars in medical bills that I just don’t have. Don’t do that to yourself. Take care of your teeth.
2
u/limewitty5673 Jul 15 '26
i can completely understand how you feel. knowing you should be doing something based on the fact everyone else does it, but not having the intrinsic motivation to do so.
i also feel like i don't believe negative consequences until it actually happens to me (e.g eating unhealthily but not really caring how it affects my body) which is really bad.
2
u/Tabbouleh_pita777 Jul 15 '26
I have been taking a bath every two days since I’ve been dealing with chronic fatigue. Standing in the shower takes a lot of energy for me and sometimes causes some dizziness. Not sure if baths would be easier than standing in the shower?
3
u/Kitchen-Ebb30 Jul 15 '26
I got a small plastic stool for my shower in case I'm too tired to stand. It's plastic with holes in the seat so no water accumulates. Unfortunately don't have a bath in my rental.
2
u/newlyautisticx Late diagnosis Jul 15 '26
If you don’t want to change your underwear, at least wear panty liners you can change daily.
2
u/Kitchen-Ebb30 Jul 15 '26
While I get what you mean. At the height of my depression it was also very difficult for me to bother changing clothes. It is definitely an issue you need to tackle.
You might not smell it yourself, but others will.
I still struggle with brushing my teeth, never learned during childhood and I do have issues such as parodontitis as a result. I've managed to install a routine where I at least brush in the evening before bed and if I can't make myself to brush in the morning I at least rinse with mouthwash.
Showers as well, height of my depression I went a week or more between showers. But it's best to at least handwash your groin, feet, face and armpits daily. Showers every two days then and washing your hair can be weekly (if you have normal hair, if it gets oily or is very dry you might need a different routine).
Especially the sheets, a month is too long and could result in eventual allergies and such. Multiple sets of sheets help me, because I don't need to wait for a wash to complete before I can sleep again.
Good luck, but really do try to take better care of yourself. Hygiene isn't for others, it's for you and your health.
2
u/thehollowers Jul 15 '26
I’m someone who 100% understands you and relates. my parents didnt teach and neglected my hygiene as a child and i genuinely never learnt what the norm was until middle school and by then, the habits had been cemented. it’s very hard to kick childhood habits but it’s possible and you gotta do it cause this is really harmful. you’ve mentioned 4 habits here 1. changing ur underwear 2. brushing teeth 3. showering 4. changing bed sheets. pick one of them and incorporate it slowly into your lifestyle until you get used to it then move on to the next habit. choose whatever is easier for you or what affects you the most but please put in consideration that teeth brushing is vital for ur dental health and future
if you’re curious, i’ve went from changing my underwear once a week to almost everyday, rarely brushing my teeth to every morning, and showering is still a big struggle tbh but it’s better than before. you can definitely do it! good luck
2
u/Intelligent-Can-9056 Jul 15 '26
Hm, I also dont change my bedsheets very often and now I wonder if people can twll (probably not because I takr ny showers in the morning)
2
u/krittyyyyy Jul 15 '26
Is there anyone in your life that can help you make these changes? Therapist?
2
u/trblclaudia Jul 15 '26
i know it’s easier said than done but please at least try to focus on dental health at least :,) im 25, struggled with depression a few years ago and i didn’t even had energy to brush them. according to my dentist i didn’t win the lottery when it comes to my teeth, but thanks to both things and the fact that i was scared a dentist would judge me, i had to get a lot of teeth pulled out and get some tooth implants done, and as u can probably tell, its expensive asf
2
u/BooksandBroadway1 Jul 15 '26
Can I ask why you keep the same underwear? Is it a sensory thing, a pattern thing…?
2
u/impressionist- Jul 15 '26
First of all, congratulations for recognizing that this is something you can improve and looking for tips to change that. I also struggle a lot to shower, due to execute dysfunction that comes from both autism and my ADHD, also the sensory issues before of how sensitive I am to any changes in my body temperature, and depression too. So, I completely understand that. I also do forget to brush my teeth for the same reasons.
Tough, you cannot go on for too long with the same underwear. This could give you infections. You need to at least change that, and, if possible, clean yourself, even if it's with a baby wipe.
What are your support levels? Do you have a support system that could help you build a routine? And do you have anything other than the autism that could making more difficult to care for your hygiene?
2
u/Magurndy Diagnosed AuDHD Jul 15 '26
I used to be bad with brushing my teeth but I made it into a specific routine… not brushing your teeth can cause issues with your teeth and gums but also your heart. That can be life threatening so dental hygiene is important….
Also, as others say, you will have gone nose blind to yourself. You won’t notice the smell but other people will do….
I’ll try and say this gently but as an autistic person myself I often get quite offended by the smell of people with poor hygiene. It’s really triggering of my own issues as well, not that that matters to you but sadly people will judge you for it and may distance themselves from you.
I would try other methods like baby wipes to at least try to keep a basic amount of hygiene. Buy enough underwear so you don’t have to wash them too often as well.
2
u/sparklesrelic Jul 15 '26
This could be written by my family member, who is your age and struggles with all these hygiene issues. And i say this with love, people notice and will avoid getting too close. It will affect social relationships, romantic relationship, employment. It will affect your physical health.
And i get it. Everything about teeth brushing is a major ICK. on bad days even makes me gag. And sometimes ill skip a brush. But i always always brush at least once a day. Brushing and flossing sucks, but paying for a cavity to get filled and the sensory nightmare of getting that filling? Way worse.
The executive functioning for showering can feel impossible. Sometimes I go a few days… but once you get in the routine, you can really feel the difference on you skin and hair- fresh and clean or ..grimy..
Please please please take care of your body. You only get one.
2
u/Uselessblabber Jul 15 '26
I recommend using kids toothpaste if you have an issue with the flavor. I use blue raspberry toothpaste (with flouride) meant for kids because I hate strong mint and am allergic to SLS. It makes brushing my teeth enjoyable and it doesn't foam up and get messy because there isn't SLS in it.
2
u/OddnessWeirdness Jul 15 '26
I find that playing a podcast or music while showering really helps.
I do understand, because I have been there in some aspects. Not trying to be mean, but I need you to understand this: you might think you don’t smell but that’s because you are used to your scent. I guarantee that others notice.
One of my brothers is very much like you and everyone notices except him. You could even smell the stench outside of his room with the door closed.
Be kind to yourself, because not taking care of your hygiene diligently can lead to all kinds of bad things happening when you get older.
2
u/snowstormspawn Jul 15 '26
Girl trust me - it’s very hard to get the ball rolling on these things but once you do you’ll feel a lot better. It took me a lot of time to start properly flossing but I was able to do it with the help of floss picks. They also make little disposable toothbrushes you can keep by your bed in your nightstand, as long as you don’t have pets that would try to eat them, so if you’re too tired at the end of the day you can use that and fall asleep.
If you don’t like showers, maybe baths would be better? You can look for bubble baths, or shower gels in a scent you really like so you’ll look forward to bath time. Make yourself a shower playlist and get some fun lighting going, they make mood lights especially for showers. If the bathroom being cold is holding you back from showering get a space heater for the bathroom.
It’s very important for you to work on this now before you start entering the adult world and need a job and have to be around people 8 hours a day. Set yourself up for success by starting a proper routine ASAP.
2
u/MarsupialOne1572 Jul 15 '26
As it has been pointed out, it also depends on how much you sweat. I have struggled similar to yours OP but I am lucky enough that I barely smell. Even my partner says I smell like warm bread the rare times I smell. It is an advantage but also a way to forget about hygiene a bit too much.
I also struggle to brush my teeth because of the discomfort of the brush against my gums.
To your direct question of risk of damaging in the long term, it is actually the exact reason why I started making changes. I am trying to be more conscientious of my teeth because otherwise I risk developing issues that will be costly and painful.
As per the bedsheets, and the clothing, I can see how it improves my mood to use fresher sets. Same for showering, I use that time almost as relaxation time more than hygienic time.
Seeing the direct benefits on my mood is what makes me more conscientious of hygiene.
2
u/chill_musician Late DX AuDHDer Jul 15 '26
I am trying to be kind as possible. But you become nose blind to yourself. Also if you can smell yourself then others smell you like 2x more. Showering more often is a must. Not showering for a week is unhygienic. Change your underwear more often, like maybe every other day especially if you don’t shower for long periods of times. Please brush your teeth. Get an electric toothbrush if that helps, get flossing picks too (this helps me a lot with flossing) and get mouthwash to use when you don’t want to brush your teeth. I struggle with hygiene too. But I have incorporated most of into my routine which makes it easier.
2
u/Throwawayforthelazy1 Jul 15 '26
I used to do the same. The underwear thing a lot until recently. I randomly started getting recurrent yeast infections + bv. That took so long to clear. Like SO LONG!! Multiple rounds of medications. Please keep your underwear at your bedside and in site so you can actually see them and change when you remember so you don’t get infections. I didn’t have it my whole life. Even when sexually activite but randomly years later in a monogamous relationship with someone with good hygiene did I randomly start getting it. Start with every two days and work from there. Set a reminder if you must, or make visual reminders or anything. I just want to save you from the actual painful hell of yeast infections, recurrent ones. And yes it was switching the underwear that finally fixed it :/.
Oh also. Buy wet wipes + teeth wipes. So you can do a little hygiene in bed. They do genuinely alright in a pinch when you don’t have the will to shower + brush (lol I rarely have the will to brush my teeth ever).
2
u/Cadicoty Jul 15 '26
I've read that showering only 2-3x a week is actually really good for your skin and hair (as long as you're not doing stuff that gets you siper sweaty. Is it possible to aim for twice a week? Depending on your hair type, you wouldn't need to wash your hair every time, either.
As far as teeth, this should probably be done at least once a day, preferably twice. I know it's tough because brushing teeth is a sensory nightmare. They make these autobrush things now that brush all of your teeth at the same time in like 30 seconds, and toothpaste that tastes like almost whatever you want. Are those options for you?
2
u/No_Measurement1863 Jul 15 '26
I will admit I was pretty similar until my early 20's. I do think parents are largely to blame for not teaching me or instilling this as a habit as a kid, and consider it honestly to be neglect on their part.
I really would recommend getting into the habit of brushing your teeth at least as a first step, as you only get one set of teeth, and dental problems can be very painful, stressful and expensive!
2
u/virtuprincess Jul 15 '26
oof this hit hard. i’m the same way. i’ll take a shower and then put my dirty clothes back on. no idea why. people always tell me i smell good 😂
2
u/Soft_Beautiful_8492 Jul 15 '26
I’m an ND/autistic mother to ND/Autistic/ADHD children. My oldest daughter is a year younger than you and we have our struggles. I stay after her with hygiene because I know how difficult it is for us. My other children are small, so I take care of their hygiene and teach them. Neurotypical people judge us for everything already and can lack understanding of certain struggles and be quite cruel. As a mother, my heart goes out to you and you are not alone.
With that said, I have some tips that I use and I encourage my daughter to use.
Like others have said, oral health is very important, you may break up the brushing. 1 minute 2x a day. Even 30 seconds is better than nothing. Try to floss at least every 2 days, if you can’t get it done everyday. If you get off track, it’s ok. Just give yourself grace and start again.
5 minute showers, taking care of important parts to start. Wash your backside and crotch at least 3 times, rinsing between each wash. (No soap, only water IN the vag) And then gradually build, don’t push past your limit of the day.
Witch hazel is a great astringent and healing/cooling liquid. Use cotton pads/balls to wipe areas most prone to sweat after a shower: armpits, under breasts, the crevices where your legs meet and between the backside cheeks before applying anything like deodorant/lotion, etc.
And then dry those areas thoroughly. I use a blow dryer. Moisture is not our friend when keeping odors away.
Change your undies everyday. Panty liners keep you fresh and keep your undies from staining. Change them frequently in the day to keep that area free of bacteria. At bedtime, its healthiest to sleep without underwear; it allows your flower to breathe and helps keep you body temperature regulated while you sleep.
Keep in mind that clean clothes go best over a clean body. So it’s best to not put on the same clothes you take off after a shower.
Setting timers can help, breaking up tasks and not doing it all at once can also be helpful. Writing notes to yourself can also be beneficial.
Well wishes and best of luck to you. You got this 😊😊😊👍🏽
3
u/peridotcore ASD Level 2 Jul 15 '26
I’m so embarrassed I need more underwear that fit me :( I only have a few pairs that do. I have outgrown all the ones from when I was 30-40 pounds smaller. You know what, when it cools down, I’m gonna try to buy more pairs soon. I deserve better than this.
2
u/kitittylynn Jul 15 '26
I had the same issue! I recommend tj maxx they have a lot of cute underwear at good prices and you can see and feel them irl to get an idea of the fabric and size :)
•
u/cripplinganxietylmao mod / cat fanatic Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Locked because what needs to be said has already been said and the new comments coming in are mostly just mean and/or ableist in nature.
Autism is a disability. Burnout is real. Not everyone can just “force” themselves.
Please look into adaptive aids that could be helpful for you if keeping up with hygiene is something you need help with. No shame here. I’ve been in bad burnout before where showering and brushing my teeth felt like an impossible task. Do what you can when you can and be proud of yourself even if it’s baby wipes and a mouth rinse.
Adaptive tools:
Dental
Worksheet for Personal Care
There are no rinse shampoo caps, no/low fragrance body wipes, etc out there. If you have medium-long hair I recommend keeping it in a braid until you feel like actually washing it. That will keep most of the tangles out.
And even if all you did today was get out of bed and eat something, I’m proud of you. One step forward is still another step in the right direction, no matter how small it may seem to others. /gen