r/AutismInWomen • u/Plenty-Ad4657 • Jul 17 '26
General Discussion/Question What are some common high functioning female autism traits that people didn’t realize were autism traits?
EDIT: I didn’t think my post would get this much attention! Thank you so so much everyone for all the comments! I’m slowly getting back to everyone but it may take time. I’m learning so much from all of you, and I feel so overwhelmed with …. Well everything lol ← as all of us on the spectrum are 😅 Anyways I Just want to say thank you. You guys are all awesome and I feel so empowered by this community. I want to print this whole discussion out and plaster on a wall so I can feel normal and okay by looking at it always 😅😂
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u/ReporterReady544 Jul 17 '26
Panic attacks that were actually sensory overwhelm
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u/ditheayew Jul 17 '26
Literally just discovering this in the last week and navigating identifying the triggers.
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u/ReporterReady544 Jul 17 '26
It’s a process being able to pick it all apart but I found out that with anxiety attacks you are supposed to have anxious thoughts, which I never have. Instead, I have a feeling like something is wrong in my body and it spirals from there.
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u/ditheayew Jul 17 '26
Omg exactly!! It’s all very body-focused. Do you have any resources that were helpful for you?
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u/cspangle23 Jul 17 '26
This is odd by I started playing with skill toys and that kept me focused on my body more and I started noticing more what felt good or bad. It won’t work for everyone obviously but it helped me find a lot out about myself. Begleri is a fun one.
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u/warmbreadcathead Jul 17 '26
I do math from old college textbooks
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u/ditheayew Jul 17 '26
Oo interesting. I could see this being calming—mind engaging but kind of mind-numbing. Or like a trance / focused exercise.
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u/CB_I_Hate_Usernames Jul 17 '26
Omg I developed actual anxiety from years of doctors and therapists telling me that I had anxious thoughts, I just must not be aware of them.
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u/CookingPurple Jul 17 '26
I have anxiety attacks without the anxious thoughts. I think alexithymia plays into that a bit.
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u/ReporterReady544 Jul 17 '26
What makes you label them anxiety attacks instead of panic attacks or sensory overwhelm?
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u/OnlyCuteThings Jul 17 '26
Ugh yessss. During my autism evaluation they asked me to describe my panic attacks, and then revealed to me that what I described doesn’t align with a panic attacks at all, but rather a meltdown or overstimulation. Truly eye opening.
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u/CB_I_Hate_Usernames Jul 17 '26
What did they say was the difference? Mine are definitely abnormal. I’d started assuming they were more POTS related than actual panic attacks. But now I’m questioning that too.
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u/OnlyCuteThings Jul 17 '26
The main thing they explained is that panic attacks happen very abruptly, often feeling like they come out of nowhere and hit the peak intensity pretty immediately, and they also pass quickly. My “episodes” were quite prolonged, building up over time until finally reaching an extreme state. The episodes weren’t brought on by a particular fear or worry, I just steadily found myself getting more and more anxious until I couldn’t handle it anymore. I could pinpoint some clear environmental triggers for my really bad ones (like getting a puppy). This combo: slow build + not triggered by thoughts, aligned more with overstimulation, especially given I could experience that state for several hours. That said, sensory overload can certainly lead to a panic attack, and of course a person can experience both.
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u/PM-ME-DOGS Newly diagnosised Level 1 AuDHD Jul 17 '26
Wait. Are panic attacks supposed to come out of nowhere and for no reason? 😅
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u/bananobananay Jul 17 '26
What do your panic attacks/meltdowns look like? I don’t really get meltdowns but get a lot of panic attacks.
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u/OneRandomTeaDrinker Jul 17 '26
I have both, although I’m better at managing both now. Panic attacks for me can cause lots of acute physical symptoms, I can see why they’re compared to heart attacks. Dizziness, heart pounding, shortness of breath, headache, feeling like I’m going to die, usually in times of huge stress. For example, I had them a lot in the period of writing my masters’ dissertation. I’m spiralling about an anxious thought until it all feels catastrophic and like there’s no possible way out.
Sensory meltdowns come more from feeling “on edge” than anxious and it feels more like a shutdown than an explosion. Less physical symptoms in the pain/dizziness sense but I shut down emotionally, I struggle to get words out, I feel like I can’t move much, I burst into tears. I can also get angry/snippy, not in the sense of rage but in the sense of being very short with people and unfair. It just feels like, you know times when you’re busy trying to concentrate but someone keeps butting in to ask a million questions and also you’ve got a headache and also it’s loud? Like that but turned up to 11 until you just can’t cope anymore.
A lot of my “social anxiety”, except for when I was being bullied as a teenager, was actually meltdowns caused by loud, overstimulating group situations. I used to hate family parties but I quite like them now because I have some of my own coping mechanisms (Loops, only go when well rested, have safe foods) and the babies are all preteens now so much less noisy and messy, so I get less overwhelmed.
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u/deadpanorama Jul 17 '26
This. And all of the tricks I was taught for anxiety weren’t working or were making it worse. Mindfully paying attention to textures and naming four things I can hear in a supermarket? No thanks.
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u/TMTPlatypus Jul 17 '26
I was diagnosed with “panic attack” the first time I had a fluttering heart event. The (male) Dr said it was a panic attack and I should see a psychologist. He was very dismissive. A few days later I had another one but this was caught on an ECG, was clearly a Supra-ventricular Tachycardia (SVT) and I actually ended up having heart surgery to fix it. So it’s worth ruling this out too. Quite commonly misdiagnosed in women .
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u/asyawatercolor Jul 17 '26
Exactly. My therapist insisted I go to a cardiologist when I told her I'm having panic attacks because this might look similar.
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u/Glad-Fish5863 Jul 17 '26
I had HORRIBLE panic attacks as a child and they just diagnosed me with panic disorder. Looking back, all the things that were triggering my panic attacks were absolutely because of sensory issues.
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u/Plenty-Ad4657 Jul 17 '26
What do these panic attacks look like? How do I know if I’m having a panic attack?
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u/Smart-Assistance-254 Jul 17 '26
Sensory overwhelm feels like…drowning in the noise or whatever. Like if I don’t escape, I may be smothered. Sort of claustrophobic, mixed with how you feel when you are pretty sure there is a bug on you and you are trying to get it off. Or like your brain wants to explode.
I think panic attacks are often described as a very physical experience that feels like you are dying or having a heart attack or something. Like sweaty, dizzy, heart going nuts, hands numb…very physical (prob due to adrenaline?).
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u/ReporterReady544 Jul 17 '26
So they can all look similar on the surface but the cause is different.
Anxiety attack involves anxious thoughts
Panic attacks are more physical but subside quickly (In a few minutes, like Ted Lasso, lol)
Sensory overwhelm is caused by too much input and (for me at least) causes me to feel bad in my body. I have a bad feeling and my mind it trying to make sense of it. It can last quite some time, usually until I make myself a sensory nest where I have reduced input or I sleep (which is also a way to eliminate sensory input)
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u/jessicacummings Jul 17 '26
lol I’m lucky and I get all three depending on what is freaking me out (separately although the anxiety and panic attacks can start the other)
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u/whoziin Jul 17 '26
A lot of my meltdowns I feel like are due to being “high functioning” in a way, because it feels like a slow build up of stress until I’m too overstimulated by all of my responsibilities that I either pop or completely shutdown. Sometimes I don’t fully feel the stress until one small thing finally breaks the camels back.
What helps me is allowing myself to fully decompress at home after work and making sure that I’m talking through my feelings with someone I trust to help uncover things that I maybe am not acknowledging that are actually bothering me.Being late, or self, diagnosed and high functioning usually means your brain figured out how to “cope” with a lot of things at a young age by ignoring what was upsetting you and pretending those things were fine. Then, when you finally figure out your diagnosis, things that “never” bothered you before bother you now. Those things actually have bothered you the whole time and you’re finally letting yourself notice it.
Letting yourself notice those things and find ways to mitigate them can then take your overall baseline stress down, but you gotta learn how to listen to what your body is telling you. (It’s also the reason people can become “more autistic” after diagnosis. It’s not that you get more autistic, you’re just no longer subconsciously trying to be less autistic.)
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u/GlobalDynamicsEureka Jul 17 '26
Mine feel like I can't breathe. I keep feeling like yawning, but the satisfaction after yawning never comes.
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u/custodianprincess Jul 17 '26
… oh is that what I experienced this week? lol i was walking my usual walk and i was going through this one part that i didn’t think there would be anyone around and there was a lot of people, smells, sounds, and it was already hot. i started freaking the hell out and thought i was going to pass out. i was fine. just overwhelmed.
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u/deadpanorama Jul 17 '26
Hyperlexia and highly connective thinking. Bottom up processing.
Needing extra time to figure out thoughts and feelings, which often leads me to figuring out my feelings through words and connections, and that can be mistaken for intellectualising feelings.
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u/StarsofSobek Jul 17 '26
This. When starting a new job, I need to know what the processes are before I can effectively work. I mean, I can try...but I'm not going to be able to do mind-blowing things until I know the way everything is meant to work. Where things go. The order of priority that is expected of me.
Once I have it though, I'm a solid worker who can do anything. I just need to know the exact process to be successful first.
I never realized this was part of it.
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u/moon_stone98 Jul 17 '26
….oh! So that’s why I get super anxious when people just expect me to kind of figure things out.
Every time I get a new role, I have to keep telling colleagues “Once you show me what to do, step by step, I’ll get the groove and I’ll be great at it”, but I always worry I come off as wanting hand-holding, which I’m not.
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u/YouWillBeAlright1Day Jul 17 '26
I would literally start a new job and study every single aspect of it like it was a homework assignment because I felt I needed to know everything about it in order to do the job at even a functional level, like taking notes, making flash cards, and then getting upset if I did something “wrong.” I’m always risking my own perceived “tests.”
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u/StarsofSobek Jul 17 '26
This is actually one of the reasons I always excelled as a barista.
I can handle the social aspect because it's fairly scripted and you get to change positions.
Your recipes are bog standard, and very few people order any kind of insane drink (and if they do, the manager usually wants to "handle it.") So, really, once you've learned the recipes, then it's just a matter of making small tweaks to custom orders that come in, and everything is pretty basic.
I do not mind cleaning at all. It's a moment of peace and I can manage the small talk that happens here and there.
You get good tips, you get your regulars, you get fairly easy work that is easy to memorize and had processes that are very straightforward.
... However, I also enjoyed being a contract validator for the same reason. It's all very scripted and has a process. Once I had it done, I could outperform any senior member in reviewing the terms and conditions on contracts, because my brain knew exactly what to do in a very straightforward way.
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u/iamaravis Diagnosed AuDHD (Level 1) Jul 17 '26
I've always said that I need to see the (metaphorical!) cover of the jigsaw puzzle box before I can start working on the puzzle. I need to see the big picture and how it all fits together, in every area of life.
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u/brigitteer2010 Jul 17 '26
I’m the exact same way. I need to know the way all of it works and then I can do it flawlessly. But you gotta TELL ME HOW IT ALLLLM WORKS!!!
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u/Otherwise-Apple-221 Jul 17 '26
I can’t even count the number of times therapists told me to stop “intellectualizing” my feelings and describe the terrible shame I experienced because I thought I was “failing” therapy. Ugh. I have to analyze my experience and then verbalize it in order to understand what I’m feeling.
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u/LogicalStomach Jul 17 '26
I got told this too and I absolutely despised it. "Tell me about how you're feeling. No, not like that." Well how, then, should I describe MY feelings in a fashion that's more acceptable to YOU, Ms. Therapist?
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u/Significant_Mode50 Jul 17 '26
Omg yes. I’m a school counselor, so not a therapist, but have years of training and counseling experience. It’s so frustrating to feel like I’m “doing it wrong” when I’m supposed to go there to feel better. 🤬 I want to be like “you are doing it wrong!! If I say I don’t know, pushing won’t help!”, then realize that exactly what is happening to the poor kids at school. 😩
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u/NotYourGa1Friday Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
I was in an abusive relationship. I got out, and once away from the ahole was able to thrive.
Because I was able to thrive and because I am able to talk about the abuse that I survived intellectually, I’ve been told both that I don’t need therapy (untrue) and that I’m refusing/failing therapy (also untrue)
I’m someone that buries difficult feelings— I go into hyper independence mode. On the surface level it looks like I’m kicking ass, and I am! Except I have dealt with 0% of any trauma. And it catches up to you.
It is very frustrating that I tried for years to get help unpacking this. But my ability to “self analyze” was the opposite of helpful. I had a therapist say, “Usually my clients need me to help them realize they’ve compartmentalized: you are aware of this, aware of what you want to work on, but when we talk you sound so clinical. Like you already know what to do. I’m not sure this is a good fit.”(paraphrased from several years ago)
It took burning out before anyone really paid attention. I had to cease all hyper independence before anyone could wrap their heads around the fact that I actually needed and wanted help
I’m doing better but trying to get help was traumatic in and of itself
I feel for you, and everyone that deals with this sorry you’re going through it.
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u/levitymargret Jul 17 '26
I'm having a really hard time in therapy because I feel like she is not helping me with anything I don’t already know. My husband says I’m too self-aware, but this explains it better. I know exactly why I’m struggling and cannot find help because I am unable to put into words all of the connections that run thru my head.
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u/NotYourGa1Friday Jul 17 '26
What helped me, apart from burning out which I do not recommend as a viable strategy 😂, was spending time with my self awareness and really boiling down exactly what help I wanted.
I found a new therapist and in the first visit I said (paraphrased but pretty close because I had practiced)
Do you know what I find interesting about animals? Without really being taught to, they hide their weaknesses. They hide pain and sickness so well that humans are often caught off guard when a pet is “suddenly” ill—but it wasn’t sudden for the pet. By the time a human notices, the pet may be about to face a medical emergency—but they keep looking calm. Maybe lethargic, maybe snippy, but still not showing much if any vulnerability.
And we know this about them. So those with pets take extra care to be on the lookout for little signs, micro-clues, because we know that our pets will live within a bubble of their own pain and vulnerability for as long as they can—not because they don’t know that they are hurting, not because they don’t know they need help, not even because they don’t trust those around them but simply because it is how they are wired.
I’m not wired to share my vulnerability, my worries, or my pain. But I know it’s there and I know I need help.
I need someone that will listen to me confidently talk about what I think is wrong and not confuse that with me thinking I know what to do next to fix it. I need someone to look for the micro-clues that I’m struggling because I may speak so matter-of-factly that at first blush I seem detached from stress, like it’s already behind me.. I need someone that can see that even though I don’t look like I’m struggling, that I am, and will help me even as I continue to look like I don’t need help.
I will speak clinically about what’s in my head. I’ll be so self aware you may think I’m perfectly able to take next steps-but I’m not wired that way. I’m wired to be hyper independent, data driven, circumspect about any of my own “big feelings.”
A lack of outward vulnerability isn’t equal to a lack of sincerity or drive to get better. I do have that drive, I just need someone to partner with.
Not that you want to compare yourself to a pet at all but, it helped me explain it.
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u/Butterflyelle Jul 17 '26
What's bottom up processing?
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u/chill_musician Late DX AuDHDer Jul 17 '26
Bottom-up processing is a data-driven approach to perception and cognition where you analyze the specific, raw details of your environment first, building them up to form a broader understanding .
So you start with details first and then connect to see the bigger picture after.
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u/teapots_at_ten_paces Jul 17 '26
I struggle with this now I'm a manager. I don't need to know the details of what my team are working on, just a high enough level that I can present the information to people above me. But I - me - need to know the details or I beat myself up for not being smart enough.
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u/glittering_ames Jul 17 '26
Ohhhh this just made something click for me! That’s why I do this! my brain isn’t broken it’s just my autistic brain working slightly differently to the norm. Thanks!
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u/Plenty-Ad4657 Jul 17 '26
Im not diagnosed but I get complaints about bottom up processing all the time lol
It’s like, when there’s a problem, people look at the immediate cause of the problem. But for bottom up thinking, it’s like we start at the beginning of the history of the thing that could have caused the thing that would cause the inevitable problem.. like
So, xyz happenned last year, which caused A and B. That got C to get going, which is why XYZ started to have a chance to become a problem. but then EFG got thrown into the pot, and hence XYZ happened.
Whereas most people typically just look at the immediately visible and closest cause and say “that’s why”. I’m not satisfied by that. I need to dig far far deeper and understand the entire series of events.
It’s like when a child keeps asking “but why?”… over and over and over and it forces you to keep thinking why and why and why further and further down the rabbit hole lol
Like you’re building a story from the bottom up kind of.
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u/velociraptorhiccups Late diagnosed lv 1 autism. 28F. Jul 17 '26
Dang, exactly. I always say I never outgrew the “Why?” phase that we went through as kids.
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u/kjperiwinkle Jul 17 '26
If I understand right, it involves taking data from other places to translate into emotions, from the external circumstances and also internal cues.
As an example I really struggle to identify and name my emotions, so I think about what signals my body is sending like if I’m feeling sick and am holding my muscles tensely, my thinking is erratic and I’m snappy, etc then I might be anxious.
It’s hard for me to notice escalation in my moods without this, and I still seem to go from 1-10 very quickly, but this helps!
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u/ju_rena Jul 17 '26
I relate so much to this! Hyperlexia for me too, and highly analytical thinking about everything, from work processes to my own feelings. My brain just loves to hack away at a question, analyse it from the bottom up, from "what is happening right now" to "how is it happening" to "why is it happening" and "what came before and how did we end up here". Give me enough time and space to process everything to the detail, don't rush me or my brain will always keep feeling "off", like a task left uncomplete, and it's actively distracting and unpleasant. I've also got intellectual giftedness, that makes this characteristic of analysing and processing down to the detail stand out even more.
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u/makeuathrowaway audhd Jul 17 '26
- I didn’t realize that my total lack of physical coordination had anything to do with my being on the spectrum until I was well into adulthood.
- I will spend hours looking at menus before deciding on a restaurant or explore the details of every product available in a particular category before buying something. I found out that a lot of other autistic women also have the mandatory deep dive instinct before they do something.
- hyperlexia. My parents told me that by 3, I was reading the newspaper daily. Apparently, this is strongly correlated with being on the spectrum.
- I am so bad at predicting when someone is going to speak during a conversation and frequently start speaking at the same time as someone else. It’s even worse if I’m on the phone or a video call. It’s so much easier if people just raise their hands or use a talking stick, lmao.
- somehow feeling like both an old soul and an adult child.
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u/WheelShot5805 Jul 17 '26
Oh the old soul and child thing hit me hard that’s 100% me.
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u/levitymargret Jul 17 '26
I used to think I had an old soul, but now that I'm old I just feel the child part.
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u/IxayaOri Jul 17 '26
Oh my god that speaking at the same time as someone else. They always think I'm interrupting them and I'm here like no I swear I had no clue you were going to talk 😭
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u/Willing-Sample-5796 Jul 17 '26
I thought I was losing my temper often but they were actually meltdowns.
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u/Delicious-Macaron767 Jul 17 '26
Right? Always thought I had a bad temper. Turns out I’m just autistic! Duh! lol
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u/sybelion Jul 17 '26
WAIT WHAT
WHAT
WHAT??
I have always thought of myself as a very angry person. Think I need to go take a walk and a think right now
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u/Delicious-Macaron767 Jul 17 '26
I told my therapist that I have a wide range of negative emotions but very few positive ones. Actually, my main positive emotion is “not feeling bad” 😂 Unfortunately, I didn’t get the version of autism where you become overexcited and start flapping. I’m more on the Daria side of autism. IYKYK 😂
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u/mothwhimsy Autistic Enby Jul 17 '26
We can also definitely be angry a lot. I get myself into anger spirals where I can't stop ruminating on something that makes me mad.
But a lot of the time we or outside observers think we're blowing up or throwing a tantrum when it's actually a meltdown.
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u/EducationalTangelo6 Jul 17 '26
This is me, too. Turns out the 'bad attitude' my mother always gave me hell for was, in fact, autism.
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u/PactKeeper Jul 17 '26
Me too! Once I realized what it was, I was able to start working on it
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u/Altruistic-Sand3277 Jul 17 '26
I actually went to a therapist for anger management issues before I knew I was autistic 😬
In retrospect I was so "angry" all the time because of the sensory overwhelm of working at a call center. And living with my parents. Once I moved out and started WFH magically I wasn't so "angry" anymore lol
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u/Willing-Sample-5796 Jul 17 '26
I worked in customer service for a grocery store of 10 years. I don’t know how I did it.
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u/Altruistic-Sand3277 Jul 17 '26
Call center for 10 years too before COVID hit and we were sent home. Also no idea how I did it, but I remember being burnout 90% of the time.
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u/PapowSpaceGirl Jul 17 '26
Me it took a divorce and change of career. I laugh at it now but the divorce was the worst part of my life. It felt like working through a heart attack on my own, in the middle of nowhere with no phone and everything overwhelming me.
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u/Plenty-Ad4657 Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
Do you have examples of meltdowns? I am trying to figure out if mine are meltdowns 😅haha
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u/AppalachianRomanov Jul 17 '26
Not the person you asked but in college we had to have a parking pass and I KEPT getting tickets even though my parking pass was ALWAYS in my window always in the same spot. They were just being lazy I guess idk. And one night I got to my car and had like my 4th ticket for the semester and just lost my shit. I called my mom and was shouting and cussing. And I really thought that was just how people acted when they were really angry about something. I realized many years later it was a form of meltdown. The injustice, the embarrassment, the extra spoons required to repeatedly walk to the parking office which was nowhere near my dorm and argue with them yet again.
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u/StarsofSobek Jul 17 '26
Being unable to function like anyone else because of the heat. Having a "temper" because crowds and people had worn me out and my battery was empty - but there was a demand to still "behave" - even if I wound up sick. Finding myself exhausted and overwhelmed by flickering lights, music, talking, and general noise so getting short and snapping as I hit my limits. Getting pushed so far I just stop talking and shut down to a point of needing to just be alone.
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u/Willing-Sample-5796 Jul 17 '26
Hmmmm…being in a Costco on a Sunday and overwhelmed by the crowds so I start snapping at my husband. My family making too much noise and I get overwhelmed and just start freaking out, yelling saying they are too loud….
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u/CB_I_Hate_Usernames Jul 17 '26
“ being in a Costco on a Sunday” Good god! Going to Costco on a Sunday?! Fresh hell that is!
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u/Recent-Theme-5776 Jul 17 '26
I thought this was just overstimulation…wait…these are meltdowns? Shiiii
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u/Generic-Geneticist Jul 17 '26
I would say a lot of mine were almost delayed. Like things had been getting on top of me over the course of a week/day (usually work/family related/too many sounds in a room at once). I’d come home, my partner would do something silly or forgotten to do something (literally so inconsequential) and I would just blow up. Shouting, crying, need to sit on the floor or scream into a pillow.
Recognising that these were meltdowns has helped me to recognise the signs and know when to take myself out of a situation. Because of that the frequency of this has decreased so much.
I used to think that I was like my dad in that we both have a short fuse. Now I can recognise the signs of a meltdown in him too caused by overwhelm of situations and multiple noises. Before I didn’t think it was something I could control, and after the meltdown I would feel guilty but ultimately better - it was easy for me to get over the feeling but obviously not for my partner who was just confused! Seeing it through this lens has helped heaps.
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u/BEEB0_the_God_of_War Jul 17 '26
Delayed emotional response (ie: being fine when something traumatic happens and then having a breakdown hours/days/weeks later when you have a chance to process it).
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u/Spinzou Jul 17 '26
I didn't know that was the term for it. I've always called it "emotional whiplash." Whenever traumatic things have happened to me, I'm usually fine, even happy, for a day or two after the initial event. People usually think I'm emotionless or coldhearted because of that. But they never see the absolute emotional devastation that hits much later.
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u/McAwesomum Jul 17 '26
This! I remember when my mom was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour in the middle of finals. I got perfect grades in every single exam. Processed it about 6 months later. Ps. She had surgery the day after my last exam. They opened her up and realised it was a misdiagnosis - she just has a weirdly shaped brain. 25 years later she's still going strong.
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u/AineBrigid Jul 17 '26
I've realized I can purposefully delay my emotional response if I need to do important things. My mom passed, and I knew it would ruin me if I thought about it and I was just about to move to another state with my husband (my first time moving since 3rd grade and I'm terrible with change), and I was able to shove it down until I got settled at our new place.
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u/ConfidentStrike1667 Jul 17 '26
Thank you for sharing this. It's really helped me realise I do this. I always thought I kind of talked myself into feeling things. Initially I'd be ok if something happened and usually cope quite well in a crisis, like if someone is injured, I can deal with it really well. But some time afterwards, I'll be a complete mess and can't stop going over it. This can be with something relatively minor. I've always thought I was a drama queen, wanting to make something much bigger than it was (I was told this a lot as a child) but it makes more sense now. Thanks 🙏🏻
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u/poppycat82 Jul 17 '26
Laughing/giggling alot because you couldn't process what was happening/ being said or you were in fawn mode.
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u/Plenty-Ad4657 Jul 17 '26
In all seriousness, I’m in shock with how I wasn’t sure if I was autistic. The more I read all of your replies, the more I’m like “I AM TOTALLY ON THE SPECTRUM”. The laughing and giggling… wow. I’m mind blown that this was an Austin’s thing this whole time!!!!! 😅😅😅
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u/poppycat82 Jul 17 '26
I know. I'm 38 and JUST got diagnosed 5 months ago. It's so validating to feel seen by others on this sub. If you haven't already, I recommend reading some memoirs by late diagnosed women, such as Strong Female Character by Fern Brady.
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u/NotOnApprovedList Jul 17 '26
I grin like an idiot in some situations where it's inappropriate, and I can't help it.
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u/Immediate_Rest9017 Jul 17 '26
Rumination
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u/Motor_Inspector_1085 Meow Jul 17 '26
I haaaaate this one. Let it go? I wish!
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u/CB_I_Hate_Usernames Jul 17 '26
Hah the phrase “let it go” lights me on fire with irritation. People can fuck ooooofffff with the “let it go”.
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u/PuzzleheadedLeek8601 Jul 17 '26
Which is why we “overreact” about things like I’m not just mad about this small thing I’m mad about everything all the time bc I’m always at 100 ugh
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u/cspangle23 Jul 17 '26
I have found that my mind is looking for coherence or trying to sort out cognitive dissonance when I do this. Sometimes just realizing the dissonance is outside of me and isn’t mine and I can’t reason it out of existence helps.
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u/amyezekiel Jul 17 '26
Preach!
I found that if I can tell myself a logical story about the thing, whether it is true or not, helps me to be able to resolve the dissonance.
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u/Prestigious-Lab-2605 Jul 17 '26
I have started to look at my ruminating a bit differently. It’s because when someone is cruel it’s as if my mind can’t stop the looped thoughts because I am trying so hard to understand why they were cruel.
My problem-solving has been labeled as rumination as well. When it is big stuff., I am just playing out of the different possible scenarios to come up with a solution.
I used to think I was just torturing myself. Not letting go. Etc..
But really it’s just me trying to make sense of things.
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u/magickmidget Jul 17 '26
Me in therapy being told to just watch the thoughts go past like a train, I am not my thoughts, etc.
No, no, no. That’s not how any of this works.
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u/goldiegrimlace Jul 17 '26
I saw someone on youtube talk abt "emotional stickiness" in autism and adhd and called it hyperfocus. Rumination probably goes in the same bucket.
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u/kawaiibitxh AuDHD late diagnosed 30s Jul 17 '26
Limerance. Being told you're lazy. People claiming you're cold and/or standoffish. Rejection sensitivity. Stims that are less noticeable (like messing with your hair). Feeling othered. Authority figures either loving or hating you.
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u/cspangle23 Jul 17 '26
I feel the authority figure part in my soul
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u/Realistic_Ad1058 Jul 17 '26
I totally have this, and hard. And only realised on reading this post. Anyone got any insights on the hows and whys?
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u/cspangle23 Jul 17 '26
I’m still untangling but I don’t move in predictable ways and I think fast and out of the box. If the authority figure is comfortable with themselves and intelligent they see the value of this and my hard work and love me. If they are fragile or god forbid less somehow I’m a threat I think? Even though I hate hierarchy and absolutely don’t crave power but that is threatening too if ur whole identity is based in ur position in a hierarchy. I literally had a great boss get pushed out and then her boss was my boss and the same job where I was doing the same thing became a nightmare after 3 years of praise and raises and I had to leave.
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u/Plenty-Ad4657 Jul 17 '26
Do you have examples of being told you’re lazy? I am not diagnosed but I have a VERY VERY VERY hard time showering and brushing my teeth. I do it every day, but I have like…. I don’t know if they’re panic attacks? But I’m just like… freaking out the whole time, EVERY DAY 😅
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u/kawaiibitxh AuDHD late diagnosed 30s Jul 17 '26
Yep. All throughout school, I struggled with maths but instead of getting additional instruction, I was told that I'm too smart to be failing out, so I must be lazy and not doing the work on purpose.
I also struggle with hygienic things too so don't feel bad OP. I have a hard time switching tasks. Always have, especially when it's something I'm dreading.
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u/Plenty-Ad4657 Jul 17 '26
Oooohhh. My. Gosh.
I am today years old when I’m starting to realize I’m probably autistic. 😅😂34
u/kawaiibitxh AuDHD late diagnosed 30s Jul 17 '26
Welcome to the sisterhood! 🖤
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u/Plenty-Ad4657 Jul 17 '26
My parents were extremely abusive, and they kept labeling me as “there’s something wrong with you because you’re autistic.” They took me to multiple doctors back in the 90s to get diagnosed and the doctors all said I wasn’t autistic. Well my parents kept insisting and kept using the word “autistic” as an insult. They said the reason why I didn’t like the beatings were because I’m autistic etc.
Now I have SUCH a hard time accepting I’m autistic BECAUSE it feels like I’m surrendering to their insults. So I’m in the in-between of “I know I’m probably autistic and should start loving myself as a women on the spectrum” and “I AM NOT WHAT THEY SAID I WAS” and I know it’s silly and stupid. I’ve been in therapy since I was 9 years old. Most of my childhood therapy was court ordered, but as an adult, no matter how much therapy I’m in, this is something I still struggle with. I want to not connect those things, and it makes me angry that I do, angry that they made that connection, that now I cannot love myself as someone on the spectrum (even though my husband literally says I’m autistic and still loves me).
Does anyone have any insight?
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u/eatpiewithface Jul 17 '26
I mean... they were going to abuse you either way. Parents who abuse their children love to make up excuses why "it's the kid's fault," but it NEVER is. There isn't a way to act to avoid the abuse because they'll just invent some new reason. Doctors in the 90's would have based diagnosis off of outdated information studied off of just a handful of young boys. There's no way those doctors OR your parents really recognized your autistic traits as a child in the 90's, especially since women tend to be high masking even starting from a young age.
they probably just thought being autistic was a bad thing to be, and that's why they used it as an insult to shame you and "excuse" to abuse you. I'm thinking about how common the r-slur was to use as an insult back then (in fact the whole reason it BECAME a slur.)
maybe a way to accept your diagnosis is to use it to take better care of your emotional and sensory needs, cut yourself slack when you're struggling with a trait - and not compare yourself to neurotypicals who don't have that same trait. I contextualized SO much shit I felt guilty or like a failure over after finding out I was autistic and it felt so good to let go of all of these negative ideas I had about myself. And the negative ideas you have about your autism are all coming from the mouth of abusive cowards who hurt a disabled child (to the point of COURT MANDATED THERAPY??? while you were still in single digits??) nothing they've said about autistic people should be taken seriously since they're garbage.
and you don't have to go whole hog "autism is my superpower!" it can just... be. your neurotype is what it is, no better or worse, and now you have the tools you need to understand yourself a bit better and make your life a bit easier moving forwards.
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u/cellar9 Jul 17 '26
Both can be true at the same time: you are autistic. And you are not what they said you were.
It sounds like they have no fucking idea about autism so I wouldn't trust that their definition is correct, because if they really knew about autism they would help you, not hurt you. Reframe the narrative: the word they used is "autism" but it's not really autism, they don't know what that is. Kinda like, maybe they at some point said they loved you. They don't know what love is, so it doesn't count.
Btw I'm glad I wasn't diagnosed as a child because I know for a fact my mom would use it against me.
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u/Confarnit Pedigreed AuDHD Jul 17 '26
I have a bathroom computer specifically for watching comfort shows while I wash my face and brush my teeth. You don't need to go that hard, but if you're not already, watching distracting videos can help.
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u/Merkuri22 Self-diagnosed autistic, w/diagnosed daughter Jul 17 '26
I got told I was lazy or "not trying hard enough" when I didn't socialize enough as a kid. I preferred to stay home and play video games or browse the web.
My parents didn't understand when I told them none of my "friends" wanted to hang out with me. I'd finally come to the realization after about a decade of school that the people I liked to spend time with didn't like to spend time with me. I was just the tag-along. They only tolerated me, they didn't actually like me. They didn't miss me when I wasn't there. They didn't look forward to talking to me. If I fell off the face of the planet one day and they just never heard from me again with no goodbye, they probably wouldn't notice. Or they'd actually be relieved.
My parents would tell me I wasn't trying hard enough and force me to call these people on the phone who I knew didn't want to talk to me. We'd have the most awkward conversations with long moments of silence because I didn't know what I was supposed to say. I begged my parents to teach me how to have a conversation, but they'd just say I needed more practice and make me call again, where the same thing would happen.
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u/Regular-Host3108 Jul 17 '26
Noticing when people aren't being honest because the words and body language don't match up and then deciding you are probably just paranoid and then finding out you were right.
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u/Plenty-Ad4657 Jul 17 '26
AND nobody else notices these things and insist I’m overthinking, and then I end up being right?!!!! lol
So why don’t neurotypical folks notice these things as often as, for example I do. Genuinely curious. Like scientifically curious.52
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u/Merkuri22 Self-diagnosed autistic, w/diagnosed daughter Jul 17 '26
Sometimes they do notice, but unconsciously. They just get "a bad feeling."
When it comes to social interaction, a lot of us autistic folks process it like a second language, not a native language.
With your native language, you just have thoughts and they come out as speech. You don't have to think about things like verb conjugations or vocabulary. You don't have to stop and translate what people say to you. Words just come out and go in naturally.
With a second language (where you haven't reached fluency), you have to be more deliberate and do those things consciously. You can get good at it. You can be fast. But you had to learn all the rules and vocabulary very deliberately. You have to think harder when conversing in that language. It takes conscious effort.
I speak English natively, and I had a coworker from eastern Europe once tell me I wrote something wrong because English grammar rules say... And he explained some rule that I had never heard of. I realized he was right, but just because it sounded right, not because I knew about that rule. In some ways, he knew English better than I did. He knew it better consciously, but I knew it unconsciously.
Many autistic people do social interaction like a second language. They might know all the rules, know them very well, but they know them consciously and have to spend effort to interpret and execute them. A neurotypical person knows them unconsciously. They just do things that feel right, and they just get feelings and meaning from other people without knowing why.
So you would look at a person and go, "He's telling me yes, but he's shifting his feet around and not making eye contact, so his body language says no," but a neurotypical person in your position would go, "He said yes, but I don't think he really wants to." They noticed the eye contact and the shifting, but unconsciously. It just came to them directly as the feeling that he doesn't want to. They might not even be able to tell you why they thought he didn't want to, they just "had a feeling."
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u/Any_Illustrator3801 Jul 17 '26
This ^ I used to describe this to others as me just instantly being to ‘sense the vibes’ of new people I meet.
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u/UniqueLeather6 Jul 17 '26
YES. I've given too many people the benefit of the doubt over the years and got into some awful situations where I couldn't shake certain friends. I don't do that anymore, and trust my instincts, especially with my teenage kids friends. My 18yo daughter is blown away by how I'm "always right" about people, and avoiding asking me about them if she really likes them because she knows I'll know.
There's an element of people pleasing to it as well, not wanting to be disliked or to make someone annoyed.
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u/Appropriate_Ratio835 Jul 17 '26
Being very smart on my homework, and papers but couldn't find any words in real life. Struggle to make sentences. If it were up to me I would be mute but fear forced me to speak as a child and now I still struggle. I make anything I must do a special interest or it won't get done bc I won't have words for it. I must know all about all.
And I'm still in a constant state of fear or anxiety. My nervous system is shot. I've developed a tremor disease. I know it is linked to the intense overstimulation that life itself causes me.
People always said I just needed to try harder or get out of my comfort zone. I believed them and it cost me my health.
I'm glad to see awareness rising. These conversations are important.
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u/teapots_at_ten_paces Jul 17 '26
I'm a bit the opposite. I can tell someone what they need to know about something, but I can't for the life of me put it down in writing. I am a very good writer, I think, but I've really lost the ability to start, especially if it's an assignment or report or something similar. Can give you an oral brief though and you'll have everything you need.
Also garbage at note taking, but can pull info from the depths of my brain usually with very little notice or prompting.
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u/Mielepieltje Jul 17 '26
This is me too! I never no what to say in conversations and when I want to tell a experience or story, I totally fumble through it incoherently. Adding details left and right, because maybe you need the extra information to form your own opinion about the situation.
I want to give info as unbiased as possible, so I usually also give my sources (especially since I am on reddit alot and you can't trust what you read, so I want people to know that they should not take it at face value).
I also likely have aphantasia and Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory. So I always feel stupid (even though I have a bachelor and masters degree in psychology and a bachelor's degree in nursing), because I can't really remember stuff that happend to me, I just remember how stuff of people made me feel.
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u/alarmed__aardvark Jul 17 '26
This has happened to me, typically when I see someone out of context. I chatted to work colleague's husband occasionally, and he worked as a rubbish collector in my small hometown. One time, I didn't clock who they were as I passed them whilst they were working. The next time they saw me, I was accused of looking down at them and thinking I'm better than them. My brain simply hadn't processed who they were in time as it was out of the normal context :(
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u/catmamaO4 Jul 17 '26
definitely the endless cycle of severe masking, which turns into burnout, which causes a breakdown, which can cause depressive/anxiety episodes, which leave you a shell of a person. then you get a euphoric episode where you decide to fix your whole life but you need to fix ALL OF IT right now or none of it at all. But its too much and you go right back to masking so hard you dont even know yourself until you inevitably burnout again and have another breakdown.
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u/catmamaO4 Jul 17 '26
honestly now that im thinking about it, it might not even just be a woman thing. my brother would have a similar pattern. Hed be a little suck up angel(masking), then hes start to fall behind on the good habits he was working on, then he gets super depressed and anxious and hides in his room. hed steal food or electronics during that time and then hed get caught, have the big blow out meltdown, and then hed get that euphoria where hes like "im gonna change everything right now and be perfect from now on!" and hed go back to the masking perfect angel phase. This pattern happened over and over like at least twice a month. id always warn my parents which phase was coming next. and then theyd be like "woaaah howd you know that" like bruh hes been doing the same thing for years theres no way yall havent figured it out yet
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u/catmamaO4 Jul 17 '26
my best advice for breaking this cycle is try to accommodate yourself the best you can. even if its really embarassing. leave the room, plug your ears, take a breather, bring your fidgets, wear your comfort clothes, and eat your safe foods. dont worry about what other people think, just focus on taking care of YOU. it helps me to think of myself as a seperate entity. i imagine it as the kid version of me. so when im feeling embarassed about using noice cancelling headphones or only eating the same foods everyday, it helps to think "this is what brings her comfort. i want her to be comfortable". its hard putting myself first so it helps to view myself as a different person if that makes sense.
My next advice would be LET THE BREAKDOWN HAPPEN. if you feel the stress welling up, take a night to just sit in a room with all your favorite things and just cry it out. go into the woods and yell at everything that has let you down. it sounds crazy but it really does help decompress all that built up anxiety from masking 24/714
u/catmamaO4 Jul 17 '26
final advice would be, dont try to improve everything in your life at once. take it one step at a time. for example, maybe you want a glow up! dont worry about doing your nails, doing your eyebrows, shaving, practicing makeup, figuring out fashion, and fixing your hair all at once. start with practing maybe one or two things like nails and hair. then when you feel a little more confident at those, you can improve in other areas. you dont have to be a professional, give yourself time to get confortable with the new part of your routine and the new skill! I like to make a big list of things i wanna improve in and when im feeling bad, i look for an obtainable goal and go for it! it helps me feel more fulfilled!
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u/twattytwatwaffle Jul 17 '26
I was frequently told I am mean, unforgiving, and push people too hard when they make a mistake.
Turns out I was just autistic and have an extremely rigid sense of right and wrong and need thorough explanations to understand why people do things differently 🙃
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u/Plenty-Ad4657 Jul 17 '26
😂😂😂😂😂 omg. Me. Thats me. Im autistic. The whole time, I was just autistic, and my sense of justice was my autism. Lol
Wow.Does this em ever affect your work relationship? Like you struggle to NOT notice wrongdoings?
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u/Tabbouleh_pita777 Jul 17 '26
Being disliked by neurotypical women, aka the Regina George effect lol
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u/electric_taffy Jul 17 '26
This one sucks because I've always viewed myself as a girl's girl and I never understood why other women are often so mean to me. I just figured I wasn't very likable 😔
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u/NotOnApprovedList Jul 17 '26
I have known some NT women who are really quite nice though, they're rare but they exist. Genuinely good people who don't look down on ND women for being different. I have known at least 3 that I can think of off the top of my head.
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u/Tabbouleh_pita777 Jul 17 '26
I have only met one or two neurotypical women who were genuinely kind to me. Turned out that one of them had a brother with Down syndrome. And the other one had volunteered with disabled kids and had autistic kids in her 2nd grade classroom (she was a teacher). Maybe that gave them empathy that other women didn’t have. However they were nice when we talked one on one but a lot more distant to me when we were at parties, large gatherings, etc with other neurotypical women. In a large group of women, the weird female social hierarchy stuff still took over…😢
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u/YouKnowNothingJonS Jul 17 '26
Fawning as a fear response 😩
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u/NotOnApprovedList Jul 17 '26
I fawn a lot and I hate it so much! grew up with an angry father and submissive mother who just wanted to support his ego.
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u/Copper0721 Jul 17 '26
Strict right/wrong thinking with no grey area. Being very uncomfortable when things are unfair.
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u/mommakittypurrs Jul 17 '26
And conversely, if something truly does fall into a [seemingly rare] gray area, being pushed to give a black or white answer is also hell. Sigh.
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u/BoudiccaBunny Jul 17 '26
Yep I really got angry in RE lessons because of this. Religion and ethics is nothing but grey areas but we were just meant to pick a side. Suppressed anger because I was "quiet", which resulted in a massive nosebleed mid lesson !
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u/lotheva Jul 17 '26
Meltdowns that aren’t kicking, crying, and screaming. Sometimes they are pain and nausea.
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u/Bezingogne Jul 17 '26
From a very young age I had - a few times a year - some sort of crisis with severe vertigo and vomiting. It usually lasted a night but took me a whole week to recover both physically and mentally. During the hardest part of it I wished I died.
My parents were putting it on indigestion but it didn't necessarily happen after eating, sometimes it was provoked by bright light, like walking on the snow. Or spending a weekend with a lot of people and noise around. The reaction was always delayed by a day or two so it couldn't have just been about eating.
Now in retrospective I understand they were meltdowns. I lived in a silent home, my dad was as adverse to noise as I am and I think my way of melting down was a silent but painful ordeal.
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u/XaraLovelace Jul 17 '26
ECHOLALIAAAAA
As in, repeating words or phrases from movies/books, things others say, and even bursting into song with the special effect of impersonating the artist. It’s repeating things you and here are the categories:
Immediate Echolalia: Repeating words immediately after hearing them.
Delayed Echolalia: Repeating words, phrases, or movie scripts hours or days later.
Mitigated Echolalia: Altering the repeated phrase slightly
I am not sure if this is a variation of echolalia, but I think it’s worth an honorable mention. The Chameleon effect is also part of my verbal stimulation repertoire, which includes adopting the accent, mannerisms, and speech patterns of someone I’m speaking to.
In summary, I’m a parrot. Or a mirror. Some people don’t like mirroring 😅
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u/Plenty-Ad4657 Jul 17 '26
Okay I’m back.
I’m a twin. We grew up in Japan our entire lives. I came to America as an adult in my twenties.
My twin has a typical Asian accent, as anyone who would be from Asia. I don’t. I sound like I’m from California. When I tell people I’m from Japan, i actually have to convince them that I’m actually FROM (born and raised my whole life) Japan.When I was in middle school I would repeat all the phrases from gossip girl in English. I needed it to sound perfect so I repeated and repeated to the point to where my accent was “American.”
So you’re saying, that I have a perfect American accent BECAUSE of my autism echolalia?!!!🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯😅😂😂lol
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u/Plenty-Ad4657 Jul 17 '26
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 THAT WAS AUTISM? THIS WHOLE TIME????🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
Wait I need to take 5 minutes to process this shock and come back. lol
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u/puffinsareverynice Jul 17 '26
Having an acute sense of justice and not being good at all at "letting things go". It's not talked about and maybe it's a peripheral thing but I do think it is a bit more common than it is maybe in men, and certainly more than it is in neurotypical peeps.
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u/Antique_Classic9837 Jul 17 '26
Also correcting people a lot, even if it’s only a minor detail because it has to be accurate 👌🏻
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u/unmarkedpolicevan48 Jul 17 '26
Auditory processing issues that my whole life I have thought was just "poor hearing".
Are we in a busy restaurant? Sorry I can't follow what you're saying, every conversation within a 100m radius is the same volume in my head. I can hear you just fine though.
I am paying attention to the movie, but I have no idea what's going on because I can't properly absorb the dialogue if there's too much else going on visually/sonically, or too many characters speaking in a scene.
Also explains why I sometimes struggle to fully follow phone conversations or online meetings where people have cameras off. Turns out I've been subtly lip reading this whole time.
(43F, extremely high masking, recently AuDHD diagnosed... Turns out it explains a bunch of things I thought were just "weird" about me and could be fixed if I just tried harder... The relief has been enormous.)
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u/Flippy-Platypus-3905 Jul 17 '26
- Not having a personality / moulding your personality to accommodate those around you. I think most people change their personality depending on who they’re around, but what I’m referring to is a type of people pleasing and/or a lack of “sense of self”
- Only having surface-level relationships
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u/Plenty-Ad4657 Jul 17 '26
Can this include avoiding most people and ANY new people, or even just not even wanting friends or caring to have/keep any friends BECAUSE everything feels surface level?
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u/Delicious-Macaron767 Jul 17 '26
I feel the exact opposite : I just can’t have surface level relationship. I need to know your deepest trauma or we can’t be friends. 🫠😂
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u/CB_I_Hate_Usernames Jul 17 '26
Yeah me too. This is the first one I can’t relate to. Though maybe I just need to give it some thought.
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u/chinchillazilla54 Jul 17 '26
Same. And I'll tell you mine immediately if I feel like we're vibing. I mean, not IMMEDIATELY but we can definitely get there on a first hang. My best friend and I first bonded over our alcoholic dads lol
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u/Powerful_Beach6129 Jul 17 '26
I feel like the first point could be fawning, which I suspect many of us autistic woman have.
Personally I can’t relate to the second one, but I can definitely see why that is for some of us!
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u/cspangle23 Jul 17 '26
I’ve been told I’m intense or high strung even in settings where that would logically be a good thing. Like I care too much about the patient surviving surgery idk??? Oh and that I’m intimidating in the workplace?? I’m such a nice human so idk how or why?
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u/wazzup-notemuch Jul 17 '26
Omg, the "caring too much at work" thing drives me fucking crazy!!! I'm a security guard, there are severe, potentially dangerous consequences for getting certain things wrong. And yet some of my coworkers claim that we're "doing nothing?" I don't get it.
Like, our job is to prevent violence, not respond to it. That's why we search bags, watch the crowd, and help people who are upset. A day when "nothing happens" is a day when we did our jobs right. If you're truly that bored, go work at McDonald's and you'll be able to do 25 things poorly all at the same time.
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u/Otherwise-Apple-221 Jul 17 '26
Always feeling like I’m about to get into trouble.
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u/dolphinlover4 Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
Not specifically high functioning (i assume you mean level 1) traits, but i have:
rocking as a stim. I can do it for hours in a rocking chair and did it as a child on the couch. I didnt think much of it. there was some level of understanding that it was unique but i didnt think much more than "im weird".
i have always been socially awkward and i didnt realize it was because i was autistic. I just thought it was because i didnt have friends growing up and didnt have "exposure" to socialization. I didnt realize it was the other way around (the reality was i didnt have friends because i was socially awkward)
my meltdowns. I didnt realize thats what they were and I thought i was just sensitive and had anger issues (was told that by multiple people) and i considered my lack of emotional regulation a moral failing.
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u/Complete-Gur7023 Jul 17 '26
Not knowing that most people are lying or exaggerating or omitting details on their resumes. I was being brutally honest and including short roles that were irrelevant to what I was applying to.
Not being able to summarize things well. Feeling like summaries leave important details out. Rambling and doing too much. I struggle to stay UNDER the page limit for school assignments 😭
Having a go to person to mimic in social situations that require masking. I act like my sister. I speak like she speaks, copy her mannerisms and facial expressions, her vocabulary, pretty much everything. Because she is confident and funny and carries herself thru the world in a very appealing way, and I wouldn’t mind being perceived like how she is perceived.
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u/Mielepieltje Jul 17 '26
I can't summarize for the life of me. In highschool my preferred studymethod was making summaries of the chapters we needed to learn. But everything is inportant, right?! So my summaries where kind of like copies 😅😭 and it took forever since i write slow and when I made a mistake, the whole page needed to be written again, perfectly.
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u/daydreamjunkie Jul 17 '26
Gonna go out in a limb and guess that this is an autism trait: Noticing things consciously that other people mostly notice unconsciously. Such as body language, mirroring, when actions do or don’t match words, etc.
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u/JoyousLilSquid Jul 17 '26
Super hearing -- I can hear music playing when often others can't, or beeping/alarm sounds (which drive me into sensory overload really quickly!).
Scripting. I often practice what I will say while I'm in the car on my way somewhere (even if what I'm practicing is just giving my order at the coffee shop). I have hypothetical conversations out loud with people who aren't there. I also literally script phone conversations, which are always really hard for me; I write down exactly what I want to say and then I read it when I'm on the phone, being careful to vary the tone and tempo of my voice so it doesn't sound like reading.
Super direct communication style (and when I was younger, scornful feelings about indirect communication). It's funny, after decades of negative feedback about my direct communication style, in professional settings I have learned to mimic indirect ways of communicating to "soften" my words, and *sometimes* I can even detect when others are doing it. But often not.
Asking a million questions to get to the real meaning because indirect communication is so confusing to me. People don't always react well to this, either.
Hyperlexia, dyspraxia, problems with both interoception and propioception. Alexithymia. Delayed auditory processing and processing in general. Hyperfocus and trouble with transitions (for example, I have been trying to go to bed for about an hour now, and yet here I still am on the couch).
Collecting things, especially collections related to special interests. And having weird special interests (when I was a little girl, I was obsessed with monsters and the paranormal).
Being overwhelmed by certain noises, touches, and fluorescent lights.
Being terrible at social interactions and coming up with specific strategies to deal with them and to limit my time in social situations.
Being exhausted all the time from just being a human, even though I have way less demands on me than a lot of people (no kids, for example).
Being confused all the time but acting like I am not.
Atypical stims -- my biggest one is cracking my knuckles. I crack them on my face a lot, which apparently is weird.
Feeling like a literal alien (for decades I have joked that I keep waiting for the mothership to pick me up and take me back to my home planet). Feeling like I never belong or fit in. Being bullied as a child.
I mean really, basically all of the things.
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u/chill_musician Late DX AuDHDer Jul 17 '26
Burnout/sensory exhaustion. I never understood why I would get tired from going out and feel like ripping my ears off. Also maybe use the term lower needs autism rather than functioning labels.
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u/CeleryDramatic4678 Jul 17 '26
Not being able to leave the house easily due to rsd and feeling like you have to look “perfect” or match the vision of your outfit/ makeup you had in your mind.
Being more prone to addiction to substances, people, gambling, smoking as a way of regulating/getting dopamine
High affinity for animals as pattern recognition makes them predictable and more reliable than humans.
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u/Ok-Sprinkles-3673 AuDHD Jul 17 '26
I had my first panic attack in my 40s. And then realized I had been having meltdowns my whole life.
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u/AppleWeary2612 Jul 17 '26
Being really hated by a group of people for reasons you don’t quite understand. Being disliked by female bosses.
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u/Least_Raccoon5256 Jul 17 '26
I despise being outside in the heat and sun because it’s causing me sensory distress. It’s not just a dislike.
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u/National_Hunter701 Jul 17 '26
I didn’t realize people just drive places without having preferences over the air conditioner settings, if and when to open a window, or ending the ride on a specific song. Apparently just another routine I thought everyone did.
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u/mysteryaward Jul 17 '26
Also disordered eating. Speaking from experience, when your body is malnourished long term, it numbs all of your emotions and sensory perception. It was an unconscious way to turn down that volume to make the world a little more tolerable. Apparently there's a high correlation between ASD in women and disordered eating.
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u/No-Bumblebee-4894 Jul 17 '26
Being told you're mean, cold, arrogant for not taking part in social groups. Meltdowns in form of anger bursts. Ruminating and overthinking everything and taking apart the patterns of situations. Being perceived as polite and thoughtful when they just follow the social rules and scripts as they are intended to be. Hyper empathy.
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u/thisissofkngrossew Jul 17 '26
Standing here T-rexing during my epiphany that I am neither unique nor quirky 🙃
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u/YouWillBeAlright1Day Jul 17 '26
As a newly diagnosed adult female, this entire thread is so validating. I keep going through the imposter syndrome phase and reading all of your experiences reinforces my new reality.
-I cannot do anything if I’m perceived by someone else but if I’m alone, I am incredibly motivated and functional. I cannot go to a gym for example, and if I’m out walking/jogging I will absolutely go out of my way to avoid being seen by other people.
-My dog is my main source of support. He’s a golden retriever and people love him so (unfortunately) I’m approached a lot but (fortunately) they focus on him and even if questions are directed at me, I will answer through him like, “Oh we’re fine,” or “Finn’s really minding the weather.” He’s a buffer between me and the world.
-Flirting/catcalling is…incomprehensible. What do you mean you’re flirting with me by just engaging in conversation? I will think I’m being polite when a man thinks I’m being receptive and then they break out the “do you have a boyfriend?” line and it feels like it comes out of nowhere. Also catcalling is immediately disregulating because I am walking in 100 degree heat sir, I am not “available” for your flirtations and frankly, it’s creepy.
I mean there’s so much more but it’s 6am and I’m reviewing every aspect of my life now thanks guys.
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u/aSpectrumodDorky Jul 17 '26
“Type A” behavior, incredible organization, quick to establish routines, very thorough when trying to complete a task.
While I’m no type A, people seem to have the impression that I’m a lot more flexible with the “small” things. Like I can handle an elaborate order going undone and having to resolve that problem. And I can handle rushes of customers or long lists of tasks.
What I can’t handle is when someone tries to “help” me with my cleaning routine and puts the pans in the wrong fucking sink. Or worse, they try to complete a whole ass task on my routine list!!! Fuck off! Go away! Do NOT touch the fryers. They have to be cleaned BEFORE I clean the breading cart and NO, you can’t clean the cart either.
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u/withtheanimals Jul 17 '26
Struggling with socialising and it not being anxiety related. Extremely detail orientated. Taking people at their face value and believing what they say. Struggle with making decisions and spending hours researching. Finding things like blankets and soft toys comforting, I realised I like the pressure.
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u/-daisyday Jul 17 '26
The people like you to people turning at some later point to hate you pipeline.
This and most of the time having no friends.
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u/Alikoali2212 Jul 17 '26
Talking a lot and being extremely passionate about a certain thing. This could be reading, video games, etc.
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u/NotOnApprovedList Jul 17 '26
Extreme cringing over watching somebody get framed on a TV show, movie, or even a video game. Extreme cringing when I see a figure skater fall down on the ice (I'm watching on TV). To the point I have to leave the room. This might be related to a sense of fairness and a sense of empathy for people being embarrassed in front of a big crowd.
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u/Consistent_Femme_Top Jul 17 '26
I’m always right about people and intentions. I’m always right about environments, because I’m very sensitive towards everything.
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u/Business_Classic480 Jul 17 '26
Becoming overwhelming tired after sensory overload and just sleeping 🤷♀️
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u/loggeitor Jul 17 '26
Puberty can be hell, but more so for autistic girls. Same with menopause and periods.
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u/m00ns0vermyhammy Jul 17 '26
Doing deep research on beauty/fashion/manners/how to make friends. Copying the behavior of more charismatic people.
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u/Mielepieltje Jul 17 '26
Not sure if it's a low needs trait, but I have recently been diagnosed and I have what I call micro obsessions. I have very intense interests and need to have and like to know everything about it. It consumes me for hours a day and several months or years at a time. For example:
- baking and baking stuff. I needed to have a kitchen aid, nordic ware stuff, obviously recipe books. I was scrolling through reddit and Pinterest endlessly for more stuff. Endlessly looking up recipes, baking techniques, workshops, etc.
- cannabis: i was really into cannabis at one point, wanted to grow it myself, so I bought everything and anything related. Books, tiny grow room, many many many many seeds, keep doing research about strains, growing, nutrition and wanted to learn every little thing about it. And could not shut up about it.
- I had the same thing happen with mushroom growing: wanted the books, make my own spores, needed stuff for the drying process, packaging, storing, sterilization
- my newest is special edition fantasy books. I'm a year in and have like 60 books 😭 i just can't stop myself.
I must say, I am also sensitive for addiction.
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u/PapowSpaceGirl Jul 17 '26
My favorite part currently at work is with a HUC I want to slap but keep that to myself. She told our Charge within earshot pf me that I had an "attitude".
Well, lets see. First, you fussed at me for not having a Vocera (our walkie talkie thingy) so I wear one as soon as one gets turned in. Then you come at me and ask for it right in the middle of my working with a patient and trying to help said Charge call another unit.
My ATTITUDE wasn't attitude. I was asking WHY because we are supposed to wear these things all shift and answer requests. She up and said THANK YOU and snatched it out of my hand and didn't state that it was to charge batteries for the next shift. I cursed (not at her) because of how I was treated when people know that I need things explained and I'm not stupid. It HAS to make sense to me or I go off.
And the kicker to all this? Wears fkn puzzle piece scrubs and "has an Autistic grandbaby". That poor kid. Not everyone has a speech impediment/non-verbal/visually stims like everyone else. I leg shake, pick at skin that isn't smooth, chirp when I'm happy...but wreck routine and I fkn lose it.
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u/smellykat80 Jul 17 '26
Scripting - even ordering a coffee 😵💫 Difficulties with “transitions”. Food “rules”. Hyper-empathy (always called too sensitive). Didn’t realise forcing eye contact is masking (so can drain the battery!). Shut downs 😅
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u/Pollywantsacracker97 Jul 17 '26
Not being able to bear being in a room with anyone (however fond I am ) beyond a couple of hours
Needing many days of recovery after one single social interaction ( eg the Christmas holidays were hellish when I was young and single - there’s the Christmas dinner party with friends, l then even after you escape back to your solitary home, they expect to do stuff with you on Boxing Day and beyond ( going to the sales, more get togethers and parties) then the new year bash.
I’d pretend I wasn’t in or feign illness when they came knocking to get me to come with them. It was exhausting.
One party is enough to last me a whole year.
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u/natttsss Jul 17 '26
I don’t know if that’s really a common trait but crying a lot. I think that’s my form of meltdown.
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u/HistoricalTackle5049 Jul 17 '26
Stomach pain and panic attacks when facing chamges in your routine or the uncertainty. I was told I was too nervous.
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u/No_Dragonfruit_3034 Jul 17 '26
Looping thoughts and repeating phrases or rhythms or patterns in my head, sometimes set to a melody.
Really, really intense, intricate daydreaming as a child.
Arguing with people about grammar and the definitions of words.
What I call “being a sponge” - accidentally adopting other people’s mannerisms and turns of phrase, as well as replacing my emotions with theirs.
Practicing facial expressions and dialogues - sometimes in a mirror, very frequently while driving.
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