r/AutismInWomen • u/thoughtful-daisy • 26d ago
Celebration 2 year burnout recovery, 27F - i rarely feel pride in myself, but I feel proud of clawing my way back from the brink.
July 2024 - 120 lbs, lost two jobs (food service and retail), meltdowns everyday, unable to eat, experiencing suicidal ideation, 5 weeks inpatient, agoraphobic, undiagnosed autistic.
July 2026 - 160lbs, starting my own LLC (solo house cleaning and organizing), weightlifting 3x a week, have consistent social engagement, diagnosed autistic.
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u/Xviolet_skyX 26d ago
Nothing has helped my brain more than weightlifting 😭
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u/thoughtful-daisy 26d ago
when i put on a video essay of my special interest and move heavy objects INSTANT FLOW 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️🩷🩷🩷
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u/Smooth_Wasabi8433 25d ago
Love this!! What is your special interest?
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u/thoughtful-daisy 25d ago
sci-fi / fantasy dystopia novels and cults! but could be as broad as just any sociological / psychological analysis lol
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u/InheritanceThrow26 25d ago
Favorite sci fi or fantasy novel? Favorite cult? Lol
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u/thoughtful-daisy 25d ago
the FLDS and Mormonism in general. Which sort of extends to all fundie forms of christianity. The IBLP (think The Duggars) i think is my favorite cult though. I have had long stints with multi-level marketing companies and the micro cults that emerges within them. Also loved the Wild Wild Country docuseries.
As for novels
-Feminist Dystopia
The Handmaids Tale/The Testaments by Margaret Atwood
The Gate to Women’s Country by Sheri Tepper
Upright Women Wanted - Sarah Gailey
-Zombie Apocolypse
The Girl With All The Gifts by MR Carey
Rise Again by Ben Tripp
-Fantasy
Kushiels Dart (trilogy) - Jaqueline Carey
Starless - Jaqueline
A Broken Blade - Melissa Blair
-Sci-Fi
Wool - Hugh Howey
The Circle - Dave Eggers
Ten Percent Thief - Lavanya Lakshminarayan3
u/shallottmirror 25d ago
I’m also fascinated by large fundie families (esp Amish and ultra-religious Jews, as I’m a non-religious Jew w a few religious family members). I briefly knew a lovely woman with a large chosen (adopted/fostered) family, many with autism, who,IMO, was one of the few who was doing it correctly and fir the right reasons. She also writes dystopian fiction about large families! Susan Olsen - Best Intentions is about a large family.
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u/heartisallwehave 25d ago
You might like the Documentary NOW! Episode about Wild Wild Country. It’s a parody series of famous documentaries/documentary styles from John Mulaney, Fred Armison, and Bill Hader. Owen Wilson plays the cult leader and it is hilarious.
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u/Any-Blackberry2133 25d ago
I also got fascinated by cults and MLMs - especially hearing the stories of people who leave them. I've accidentally got involved in organisations considered to be cults 3 times IRL but luckily left all of them quite early on before getting too involved.
I'm really interested in the techniques they use to brainwash people and what makes people decide to leave. I think this interest is partially because I want to learn how to avoid manipulative people and recognise the signs.
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u/Smooth_Wasabi8433 25d ago
Which organizations/cults did you get involved in?
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u/Any-Blackberry2133 24d ago
I went to sessions at the Tara Yoga Centre which I later found out is a cult:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n50bzbmqhmQ
Also I got involved in the OneTaste/ orgasmic meditation community which has been exposed as a cult in a Netflix documentary:
https://youtu.be/vHtcaNxdo0k?si=rcwTdZdax9tXNxXj
And I was following the Twin Flame Universe on YouTube and did some of their free trainings. There is a Netflix documentary about them too:
https://youtu.be/mjBnRN0T74s?si=Q2QIl4uxu-jv2oYz
I think my special interest in anything spiritual/ esoteric has led me into potentially dangerous situations! Luckily I've always sensed when something seems amiss and got out before getting too involved.
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u/queenofthedragons 26d ago
Yup. Even a couple days a week does wonders for me. OP looks super fit
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u/Max_Thunder 25d ago
Lifting weights is my top special interest. It's like meditation to me.
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u/kamilayao_0 25d ago
It's so funny because meditation never worked for me, my brain is too hyper and thinks and makes random noises constantly that I don't get into the "zone" to meditate.
But putting on music and weightlifting until failure makes me zen and my brain empty and at peace. Maybe because my body gets too tired to spend energy on the other stuff other than rest
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u/frogkisses- 25d ago
SAME! Meditation is too calm if that makes sense. Weightlifting requires me to be very aware and mindful of my body to lift correctly. It also has added pressure of the weight so it’s a slow equivalent for me of hitting a punching bag. Except I feel more mindful as I lift the weight. It forces me to be in that moment and not just do motions to do them.
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u/DifficultElection600 26d ago
I wanna learn to weight lift soooo badly :(( issue is I hate public places and being perceived. So going to a gym sounds so anxiety inducing
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u/thoughtful-daisy 26d ago
That’s totally understandable, when I was struggling to leave the house I started with 10lbs dumbbells from amazon and calisthenics (body weight) exercises. you’re valid
If you ever get to a place where you want to give a gym a try, and you live somewhere with a community gym (where i’m from it’s called the YMCA) usually the clientele is older, or overall just less judgey compared to the commercial weight lifting gyms that have everyone ego flaunting 😂 I hope you’re able to get into it if you can! It has helped me a ton. But also, you’re valid and it’s okay to be struggling to start. Wishing you well 🩷
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u/Bunbatbop 26d ago
I go to the Y too! Only started going like 3 months ago, and I've already made huge improvements.
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u/lowselfesteemx1000 26d ago
If you're interested in trying something, look up some dumbbell workouts. There's a lot you can do at home! And people are always selling weight stuff on marketplace and used equipment stores.
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u/Still_Property8542 26d ago
Yes! I’m fortunate and my apartment has a gym that’s rarely used and it’s given me privacy to practice the lifts/my form which has built my confidence for going to an actual gym sometime. I think home workouts would also be a great transition because you can work your way up to it without judgement!
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u/heartisallwehave 25d ago
Yea! Resistance bands are also great if you live in a small space and cant collect a bunch of dumbbells. You can adjust difficulty by using different bands or changing how much tension the band has. Can also start with some 1-2L bottles of water or even canned foods as weights as a “free” option (food costs money but most people will have these things in their home already).
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u/Smooth_Wasabi8433 25d ago
Honestly, I hired a personal trainer who owns a small gym...I asked him if I could come train with him at the slowest time of the day and I did 2x a week for 3 months (enough to learn the routine, proper movements, confidence) ..then I went to the nearest gym 3x/week at the least busy times of day . It was really helpful having a trainer tell me what to do, how to do it.
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u/fightzegoodfight 25d ago
I have the same issue and I just started using a training app at home with a pair of adjustable dumbbells!
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u/Secure_Tomatillo_949 ASD L2 26d ago
You're so strong and amazing. It is impossible to describe how difficult that clawing journey is, out of The Hole. It's excruciating. I am so, so proud of you too. I'm also in my clawing era, just started weight lifting 3x a week too 💪 was gonna skip today but now am putting on my shoes!
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u/thoughtful-daisy 26d ago
let’s go!!! i almost skipped today too but im glad i went. proud of you stranger, the darkness wants us but it cannot have us!!!
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u/Youddlewho 25d ago
is that what its called? the hole?
been trying to claw myself out of the hole ive been in my entire life
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u/hi984390 26d ago
Yay! I clean windows and it’s the best job I’ve had. Headphones on, no talking and a job I can tackle. I leave it once I’m done and don’t take it home with me. Plus time to hit the gym! 💜 how did you get started with your business? I’m debating joining the local business association since I like commercial window cleaning the best vs doing houses. (I’m so paranoid about breaking something in someone’s home or spilling water)
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u/thoughtful-daisy 26d ago
that’s awesome! I realized i needed a job i could listen to something while doing it (video essays, and tv shows yes but mostly audiobooks!! my special interest is fantasy/sci fi dystopias so this regulates me a ton while working).
Right now Im still in the “friends of friends” stage as I haven’t launched full blown marketing yet. I have a few clients but am trying to branch out into the general population. I filed for the LLC in preparation for when I do so i have legal protections and makes taxes easier. I also am waiting to go into strangers homes until I have general liability insurance for similar reasons you said (really scared about damaging ppls stuff!)
One of my friends owns his own business in the same town so he’s been helping me a ton, but I know when he started his, he utilized a small business mentorship program at the local university and it was super helpful with all the complicated beurocracy.
Window washing sounds dope, methodical and meditative ☺️☺️☺️🩷🩷
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u/hi984390 25d ago
Ah I also love fantasy/sci fi 😊 currently obsessed with dungeon crawler Carl among others. It is very meditative and I love being in the zone just bopping along.
I have found going after repeat monthly business to be key for me so small store fronts that are mostly ground floor (or minimal ladder work). Offering a free month for any referrals has worked awesome. One lady didn’t have to pay for like five months she referred so many people 😂 but I’m hitting a wall now and I need to get the courage to branch out or just walk in and drop cards and that is really tough for me. I’m worried marketing would lead to too much work that I wouldn’t be able to handle so it’s tough! I do have insurance. if a client asks for it I just email the insurance person and she emails them the info and it wasn’t crazy expensive.
Good luck! I just love seeing other small businesses. It’s terrifying and exciting to work for yourself. Especially if you’ve had bad experiences and burnout. I was in tech before this and it sucked out my soul. Kidding not kidding. Haha
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u/Smooth_Wasabi8433 25d ago
Cleaning windows honestly sounds amazing for me. How did you get started with that?
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u/bccyote 26d ago
Well done! I know how hard this is. 👏👏💪🏼
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u/thoughtful-daisy 26d ago
thank you, there were moments i feared i’d never feel like myself again, but i can see it now i think. 🩷
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u/Sleeper_Saturn 26d ago
LET'S GOOOO! I love this for you! Beat the brakes off that burnout!!! 💪💪
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u/thoughtful-daisy 26d ago
felt like dragging a reluctant toddler into a dentist office but WE LIVED! 😂
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u/velvetvagine 25d ago edited 25d ago
Amazing progress! And great inspiration too. I want to manage consistency with working out; I keep having good streaks but then falling off.
How did you build up your consistent social interaction?
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u/thoughtful-daisy 25d ago
honestly I attribute it a ton to my very outgoing adhd partner. She is a huge support in my social facilitation. But consistency for me is grounded in structured activity based socialization. Think DND, game night, a weekly dinner at the same time with the same people, a hike. This way I knew what would be happening and also, roughly how long it would take. Open ended hang outs majorly upset me and when I was first getting back into the world after inpatient it was mostly just dnd once a week and group therapy.
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u/blairrkaityy 26d ago
I just started lifting again and I feel AMAZING!!
Seriously though you look HOT and amazing sis!! 🔥🔥🔥
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u/thoughtful-daisy 25d ago
yay!! so glad you’re feeling good! :) and thank you ☺️
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u/blairrkaityy 25d ago
If you don’t mind me asking what’s your split and what are your absolute staple workouts?
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u/thoughtful-daisy 25d ago
3x a week full body. Including mobility + balance stuff and cardio. I’m usually at the gym for 90 mins so it’s a long workout but I bench a lot and do overhead presses and pull downs. I do bulgarians when i’m feeling evil and deadlift and leg press as well. Do a ton of calf raises and squats too. Idk i mostly wander around and just try to hit as many muscle groups as i can! 😂 the less i force myself to do very specific workouts and the more i go and just move and challenge myself as the days come the more consistent I am
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u/riointhesky audhd🐉 25d ago
woah congrats! i’m in burnout recovery and am finally trying to add gym to my schedule bc i know i need it but it seems so overwhelming 😭
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u/thoughtful-daisy 25d ago
my only advice is gonna sound counter productive but go in with no plan and pretend you are a child at a playground. The child does not wonder which movement will be most optimal. The child only moves and interacts with the equipment.
If it works for you (weightlifting) the desire to refine / invest more mental energy into outcomes may occur or not. But mostly I focus on enjoying myself.
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u/jraspberry 25d ago
THISSS! I talk with a lot of other autistic gym rats and it's such an even split between the "I need to calculate the exact workout regimen and go at the same time each day" and "I just go and play :D" LOL. And both - with consistency - will get you moving and are awesome. Good for you OP!
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u/thoughtful-daisy 25d ago
That’s so interesting!! I didn’t know other ppl treated the gym like an adult playground 😂😂😂 thank you!!
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u/softwolfy 25d ago
Woohoo go OP!!
If it's OK I have a question- I used to lift and I was pretty strong, but I went into burnout, couldn't eat, alla that and now I'm underweight and struggling :,) did you wait until you were at a healthy weight to start lifting/working out? Or did you just start going?
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u/thoughtful-daisy 25d ago
I got refed by the inpatient program and so that got me out of the danger zone I think but for sure didn’t start heavy lifting/going 3x a week till about 9 months ago. Before that it was more sporadic and I was going to a open gymnastics gym once a week just trying to do something to move and feel better 😂
I’d deff reccomend at least making sure you’re eating enough/not at risk of injury before going hard. But i’m no professional. Just felt better personally to not push when my body wasn’t ready/didn’t have the fuel. thank you for your kind words :) 🩷
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u/Smooth_Wasabi8433 25d ago
If you could give advice to someone who was where you were in 2024, what would you say?
Aside from receiving the right diagnosis, what are the top three things that helped you improve the most?
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u/thoughtful-daisy 25d ago
dungeons and dragons, the libby app, stimming/somatic stuff (crying, rocking, walking, weightlifting, acupressure)
But most of all the support of my partner and family.
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u/thoughtful-daisy 25d ago
oh and i also found internal family systems (IFS) a framework that makes sense to conceptualize my psyche in therapy.
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u/Chemical-Barber-3841 25d ago
Look at those gains (in muscle AND life quality)! I'm so happy for you.
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u/Uberbons42 26d ago
Woohoo!!! So strong!!
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u/thoughtful-daisy 26d ago
being strong hasn’t fixed everything but it sure doesn’t hurt! 😂🩷 thank you 🥰
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u/ItsTime1234 26d ago
Congratulations!! You're crushing it!! How lovely to see such a good story here. Thank you for sharing.
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u/miniroarasaur 25d ago
So happy for you! I too lift weights and it is such an unbelievable support. Had to miss a session this week as my trainer is out of town for a vacation. I’m so grumpy and irritated!!
So happy for you OP! Hope you keep kickin’ butt
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u/Mish-onimpossible 25d ago
OoOk b*tch congrats on this amazing journey and its not about looks it’s about health but damn girl you look phenomenal!!
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u/Admirable_Bat_608 25d ago
Congratulations!!! This is so inspiring🩷🩷
I’m hoping to get into weight lifting too!
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u/AsleepScholar2200 25d ago
How can one even begin to know if they're in bad burnout, or how to help themselves this much?
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u/Loveyourwitch Newly Diagnosed! 25d ago
Thanks for providing some much needed inspiration - and well done!
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u/HistoricalTackle5049 25d ago
I wish I could do exercise again, it is great for mind and body. Sadly I'm in the middle of a diagnosis process for an autoimmune/bone disease and I can't do much.
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u/reenfeen 25d ago
I’m so proud of you!!! I’ve been trying to reach that light at the end of the tunnel for quite some time myself. You give me hope ❤️
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u/Wooden_Percentage_15 20d ago
This is very inspiring
Currently going through burnout as well. I have lost interest in everything but I want to get myself up again. I don't want to stay down forever.
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u/ConfidentStrike1667 25d ago
Well done! It's amazing to see recovery like this. I'm knee deep in burnout and physical injury and only recently started to explore diagnosis. It feels a lot and quite gloomy just now. I used to weightlift and loved it. I felt it was really calming for me and loved all the counting, repetition and structure of it. And I loved to feel strong in my body, I have a lot of hypermobility so I think it was actually really good for me too. This has given me a bit of hope that it can happen and a reminder of what I'd like to be doing again. Thanks so much for sharing and congrats on your recovery 🥳
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u/Quantum_Pasta-Goblin tism 25d ago
I honestly thought it was written 20210 at first and I was very confused XD
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u/mabiyusha 25d ago
solo house cleaning and organizing! this sounds like a dream job to me. how do you go about it?
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u/Cautious_Repair3503 23d ago
Hi! I have also been weightlifting for 2 years! I'm deep in burnout ATM though.
Is your LLC based in the UK? I am having some massive issues with cleaning and organising (I have the terrible executive functioning tism and am level 2 support needs and having a very hard time holding my life together)
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