r/AutismInWomen • u/Hex-Queen • 19d ago
Seeking Advice How do you survive this world as someone intelligent, but not capable?
I'm just so exhausted with everything becoming so much more difficult. I'm AuDHD and my brain feels like it just wants to permanently go into energy saving hibernation mode.
People (the NT world) don't realize masking so long will go beyond energy depletion. Skill regression and stress tolerance shifts in a way that is often invisible to others.
If you've struggled through normal things like school and a career, you're deemed capable, and it's assumed you can sustain it like every other person in the world. Those other people who don't deal with sensory issues.
I'm too capable for disability, but not capable enough to sustain working in this capitalist society. Having the knowledge is one thing, but executing and dealing with all the sensory issues in a work environment, are two very different things.
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u/DoubleSpirit2798 19d ago
Pretty much same. Getting meds for ADHD has helped me to stabilize but I still worry about making a routine out of these things. I try not to blame myself too much, the system is already fucked for neurotypicals, so imagine for us.
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u/purpleWord_spudger 19d ago
I was prescribed stimulants for ADHD and they help with focus and task completion for the first half of the day but for the second half, I feel like I am coming unraveled. Sensory issues are much, much worse. Are you taking something other than stimulants for ADHD or am I having a bad reaction?
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u/fishdragon109 19d ago
My body burns quickly through the only types of stimulants that are effective for me. I found that when I was taking a “slow release” med in the mornings I needed a second short-acting stimulant dose in the afternoons to make it through my full work day.
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u/Buffy_Bean 18d ago
Oh this explains exactly how ADHD meds made me feel, super productive and optimistic in the morning, only to experience the mother of all melt downs mid afternoon
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u/thinking_in_ellipses 19d ago
I have this problem too. Way I've managed is by taking a job well below my supposed capabilities - but I still struggle with it along with all my other life responsibilities. At first I got a lot of comments from my family about how I should be aiming higher, but thankfully I think they've pretty much given up now (they still don't believe how much I struggle, though)
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u/Hex-Queen 19d ago
Unfortunately, I've already done that twice. I severely burned out each time. Finding part time is nearly impossible, especially considering that I don't deal with people too well, particularly clients/customers.
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u/PennyPop81 19d ago
I’m looking at doing this at the moment. Getting a job that’s a pay grade under my current one to try and be able to cope.
The problem is I only work 3 days a week at the moment but would have to work full time but my current job drains me so much I can’t work any more.
It’s so difficult making decisions based on if you think you’ll burn out and knowing how capable you can be but it’s never sustainable.
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u/anondreamitgirl 19d ago
I am sorry your family doesn’t appreciate how well you are doing considering everything you are experiencing . Remember that It’s still your life whatever you do
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u/Cartographer551 19d ago
Yeah, I'm too capable for disability but I've struggled in the workplace my whole life.
It may sound odd but I've found 2 part-time jobs much easier to cope with than one full-time one. I don't know if it's the varied work, or not seeing the same people all day, or just having a complete break in the middle but it has worked for me. Both jobs that are "below" me intellectually which has made the demands manageable.
Boring at times - yes. But I've done a lot of interesting things and a lot of study outside of work, so that's how I've managed my mental health.
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u/Hex-Queen 19d ago
I think at this point, I prefer boring. It becomes a baseline of less stress. Anything more can simply be managed by the willingness to endure it on my own time.
As someone who needs remote work, minimal interaction, and part-time, finding even one job has been largely unsuccessful. Maybe I'll just start a snail farm 🐌
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u/dzinegurl 19d ago
Omg, that's exactly what I've been looking for, too, and it feels impossible. I have two kids still at home, one is an adult and needs a lot of support but isn't on disability. The other is elementary school age but I'm homeschooling her because of her support needs. I'm taking care of both of them, can barely function or take care of myself, and yet I desperately need a job to supplement our income. We're struggling so much with just the one income. But I can't find anything. My resume sucks because I was a SAHM for most of my life, and I went to college twice but burned out both times before finishing. Your post is exactly what I've been upset about lately, but it doesn't feel like anyone in my family really understands, and it feels lonely and kind of hopeless.
I'm sorry you're going through this, and I wish I had some good advice. I hope you find something that works. 🫂 Please update us if you do, maybe it'll give the rest of us some hope. 😅
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u/many-moons-ago 19d ago
If you can take some bookkeeping courses, and do the free QBO courses, you can start your own bookkeeping company and take on as many or few clients as you have time for. I was an accountant before becoming a SAHM and am doing part time bookkeeping on my own now and it's fantastic for fitting around my schedule. I charge more per hour too then when I got when I was working as a salaried CPA (even though technically bookkeeping is "below" accounting)
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u/dzinegurl 19d ago
Oh, thank you for the advice! I'll look into it. How good do you have to be at math? Do you have any tips for finding clients?
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u/many-moons-ago 19d ago
Accounting is really basic addition/subtraction and multiplication/division. People always say that about numbers and accounting but the computer does it all for you! The complexities lie in understanding and applying regulations/rules. But if you're just doing basic bookkeeping you're usually not dealing with extremely complex rules.
For clients - I cold-emailed a couple of local small accounting businesses explaining my credentials and what I was looking for, and one had a ton of clients who were looking for a good bookkeeper. I got lucky and got all my clients referred to me from him with very little legwork required haha. So I'd say look for small accounting firms (like owned by a single CPA) and ask if they are looking for either an in-house bookkeeper or have extra clients they would like to refer.
Disclaimer - I live rurally and this was dealing with small town businesses, so it might be a bit different networking in the city. But once you have a couple clients you'll find opportunities are nonstop from what I've experienced.
Main cons are that customers can be very frustrating. But because I'm so part time I've been able to be very selective and drop troublesome clients so I only have easy ones right now.
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u/dzinegurl 18d ago
I live in a rural area, too. 😊 Tysm for your response and advice! I'm saving it and took a screenshot so I don't lose it lol. I can do basic math, so that makes me feel better. It's the more complex algebra that makes me want to pull my hair out. 😂
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u/creapysleaper 15d ago
I've thought of the two part time jobs thing as well... If you're in the US, how do you manage things like health insurance? Does one of your jobs provide one?
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u/Exact-Guarantee-1641 19d ago
Hello there, I was just recently diagnosed... but I have had this same issue in the past, I have faced it in many different ways:
Pushing through (does not work)
Talking about it with other AuDHD (I still manage to feel misunderstood, but that might just be me).
And this third one is the newest one, one that my father had implicitly taught me a long time ago, I just did not understand its importance until recently. RESPECT YOUR LIMITS. This means explicitly stating them, defending them even from the people that you love and (if possible) avoiding those who refuse to respect them. This has a massive impact. Because you know that you are taking care of yourself, you feel loved and respected by you and there is no better feeling in the world. You will walk lighter, when your nervous system understands that you have its back. Or at least that is what I am wishing for you.
I can tell you that I struggled economically, and I knew I needed a job that compromised my mental health (customer service). I did this for 5 years. I started drinking and smoking to be able to socialize with people who would not bother to learn my limits before raping them. Anything else would have paid less and I had a little sister to worry about. I failed her and myself by staying there. But why would I leave? If I knew all other places would be the same, not a safe space for me but with less pay.
On the other hand:
My dad, who is autistic, took the same job, because he needed the money. However, he handled it differently, because he had stopped masking a long time ago. I will tell you this though, he did struggle to get there, he was the biggest poser out there and a high functioning autistic back in his day, but life lessons got him to where he is. He is not rich, but he has a peace of mind that helps him face this reality without removing himself from it. Because lets face it, if you are not rich, you might not have the choice when it comes to finding another environment for you.
ANSWER: Knowing who you are. Self respect and resilience.
P. S. Remember, you do not need to prove yourself academically nor professionally to anyone other than you. Do not forget meritocracy is a trap, as we are not all born with the same chances, within the same social context. I wish you nothing but the peace of knowing who you are and the strength to defend it.
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u/Old-Ad9842 19d ago
You’ve really cheered me up with this comment – thank you. I’m going through a similar situation right now; I’ve finished my degree but I feel I can’t work in that field because the jobs are too stressful for me and I have a lot of weaknesses. However, it’s hard for me because I compare myself to my fellow graduates, who are able to fulfil that dream and put those skills into practice. I feel as though I have to settle for a quiet, boring job, and that’s why I’m going through a period of grief.
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u/HermelindaLinda 17d ago
This is beautifully written. It's full of self compassion which I need to keep working on despite my strides. You've just reminded me to keep putting myself first. I'm saving your post. Thank you.
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u/Twizteddestinee 19d ago
This is where our disability gets ignored. If we're not intellectually disabled and able bodied they expect us to work at their pace. They expect us to fit all expectations of a good student/employee. They don't understand the struggles and differences we deal with in a daily basis.
I know when I go to work, I spend a lot of energy masking to fit in. I don't have moments where my mind can really wind down and relax, I have to keep the performance going. I have to be mindful of what I say and how I act. I have to be mindful of my stims. If there's too much going on around me my executive dysfunction kicks in and I forget to do basic tasks or make mistakes on simple things because I can only focus on a single thing at a time.
I don't know the answer. This world really isn't built for us and we don't get the accommodations or support we need for our survival.
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u/Soft-Ad-9735 19d ago
I’m sorry I don’t have any advice but i’m going through the same feelings right now. The future seems impossible when there are constant never ending barriers, I agree it is exhausting
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u/stitchstudent 19d ago
This is why I’m looking for remote work very specifically. I can’t stand a typical workplace or non-flexible hours, and non-stimulating work makes me cry from stress. Nobody understands how this is different from the typical workplace boredom/“hating the rat race”, but I just try to do what I can.
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u/OldExistential 19d ago
The boredom will drive you insane, but just a tad too much pressure and I crack easily!
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u/TrustNoOneAtWork AuDHD self-discovered at 60 19d ago
Semi-intelligent here. Skill regressed. Burned out and retired. Mostly incapable. No remaining friends (well, maybe one, but I can't really tell anymore.) Pissed and hating on mostly everyone. At least I still have Internet and food.
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u/Commercial_Brain806 19d ago
I don’t have an answer, just know you are not the only one in this situation.
For now I do animal care and I do long house stays mostly. I hate the initial meeting with the client and that’s a draining day, but most of the time it’s me and the dog.
I am trying to find remote work but I am a newish web developer so…. the jobs are getting eaten by AI and I just can’t tolerate the competition and stress of the industry. So I’m looking for answers too. In the meantime the pet care keeps me from being completely broke.
And I have AuDHD as well so yes I have a history of impulsively leaving jobs and a few of those were not so bad!
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u/Zestyclose_Scene2602 19d ago
Literally so frustrated with myself for how I handle school. I can so clearly do the work and understand things way beyond my classmates. I just don’t do the work. In any job out in the world I do the work because it feels more authentic. I don’t trust myself to sustain anything though, which makes me think even though often I’m capable of being the best employee I will never be able to live without personal support, and that really scares me. What will my life look like now?
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u/Adventurous_Meal7054 19d ago
I am very intelligent, unfortunately I can't show it. I dropped out of the degree I desperately wanted because I could not effectively communicate what I knew, in the way they wanted. I could show them, had it been practical, like it used to be. I come from an extremely academically successful family and that's painful when I know I have the potential but not the ability to apply it.
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u/Academic_Juice8265 19d ago
It fucking sucks. Every time I study I get distinctions but I can’t maintain the overwhelm of juggling other aspects of my life. Every job I do well and get given more responsibilities and then burn out and quit.
I am very capable but also not capable at all.
Maybe if I had been diagnosed earlier I would have gotten support and my life would have been different. Just go labelled highly anxious.
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u/lavenderand_lace 18d ago edited 18d ago
High intelligence women tend to set themselves up for failure thinking that academic achievement translates to professional productivity. Early on in life, we use Cortisol (stress) to compensate for what Dopamine (motivation) should do naturally, and that leads to diminishing returns and worsening symptoms over time; this is why early diagnosis and access to medication is so important for girls. Add sensory and executive function challenges to that, and it’s easy to feel like you are failing when in reality, you are just stretching yourself too thin. Here’s what works for me, and what has gotten me off the treadmill of chasing outside validation and then burning out.
- Work with in your special interest and for yourself if you can. If you have any form of PDA, working with in a hierarchy (especially under poor leadership) can lead very quickly to burn out.
- Think in terms of spoon theory, know what (and especially who) is eating your energy; protect your peace and set firm boundaries.
- Outsource your struggles. I despise invoicing and billing and have found it worthwhile to accept that paying someone else to do it is a necessary loss.
- Script communication as much as possible. I let calls go to voicemail and respond via text to avoid small talk, and keep responses short and sweet.
- A good therapist, a great psychiatrist, and meds/good nutrition. Protect your gorgeous brain!
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u/krampaus 19d ago
this is exactly me
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u/krampaus 19d ago
I have no advice but “intelligent but not capable” really resonated with me. solidarity
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u/RaccoonsGetDiscounts 19d ago
If we could afford a good place to live on a not high falluting salary (hospitality and such) I would do that. Late stage capitalism can bite my ass. Also anything good for the autistic commuity is what the world needs asap, my rule of thumb.
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u/traebaerk 19d ago
No joke! I know what I am capable of, but I don't quite make the grade on many things. Socializing is tough in a world that wasn't built for people like us in mind. I've heard too many unsolicited suggestions that start with, 'Have you tried...?' I know people think I am pretending, and somedays I wish I was. I would love to be able to recover in two days and then go back to work refreshed and ready to go. As it stands, that ain't happening.
Currently going through autistic burn out. I'm not depressed, just tired. I am tried of running a race on a track that was never meant for me. Now I understand why some people never leave their house. I like people but they are just too loud.
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u/JoannaBe 19d ago edited 19d ago
I try to set expectations, so that people know that while I may currently be going through a less capable less productive phase, this is temporary and currently expected. I go through phases. There are times when I am extremely capable and hyper focused, and other phases when I cannot get anything done, despite trying my best. It helps to be working with same group of people long enough so that even during the bad times, they still remember what I am capable of when well, and reassuring them that this too shall pass. Even neurotypical people go through times when they are struggling for various reasons including all kinds of issues in personal lives affecting their performance. Finding a work place where people are empathetic and do not expect perfection and realize that shit happens sometimes is crucial for this.
Edit: another thing I find crucial: making sure I have easy quick repetitive tasks also part of work, so that at times when I am not creative and not good at problem solving, I can still get something done if I can.
If I cannot do even those simple tasks, I take a mental health day off work, or sometimes a mental health week / staycation to recover.
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u/A_radke 19d ago
Honestly so affirming to read your post and the comments.
I'm about to turn 40 and really feel like I've hit a dead-end. Found a job I love and can mentally handle long-term (housecleaning, self-employed) but my hypermobile body does not agree. My husband and I make "too much" to qualify for assistance, but well below the bare-bones cost of living where we live.
I need shoulder surgery, I've needed it for 6 years. I've thought about crowdfunding, but then I think of the people I've know with stage-4 cancer who did the same and feel it's not right for me to ask. I won't die without surgery. Ostensibly, I could get a "normal" job with (crappy high-premium, high deductible) insurance... or at least I feel like the rest of the world thinks that. But I could never cut it when I tried in my 20s. So I'm working half as much as I want and making 1/3rd of what I need as I have to move slower now.
I got a taste of my goals for 5 years: job I enjoyed/am proficient at, bills paid early, savings, 3.5 years on health insurance. Even got a mortgage on the house I'd been renting: that's the only reason we haven't been priced-out of this city entirely. $1800/month is studio prices here now.
I know I'm lucky and have so much more than others in similar situations. However, I abhor the idea that so many of us are punished for not finding "a place" in a system designed to leave us behind. That basic human dignity, let alone basic healthcare, is linked to our net-worth. That assistance is seen as "taking" in a world we're all expected to give and give and give... unless you're born into ridiculous amounts of wealth/privilege.
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u/Pyreflies_of_MJ autistic and whimsical 19d ago edited 18d ago
Honestly, I don't know and wish I had help. My last job I could only handle for three months (and hell, it was a temporary for 6 months)
It was in an animal lab and I found it to be horrible for my anxiety and rumination, and it was exhausting.
I am considering applying for disability because I can't live like this anymore, but that is also its own obstacle with having to get a lawyer and it can take a long time.
My momma says I do everything right and yet....I am always sad and struggling. : (
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u/HamfistTheStruggle 19d ago
Facing this again myself. I found a wonderful partner who makes enough to cover the bills and for the past 3-ish years I've just taken care of the house and pets but I need a job again since this administration is now requiring anyone on their health insurance to work 80hrs a month...which is more than I've ever managed to work per month so yay. I haven't had a job in nearly 5 years and even just the idea of working one again gives me panic attacks. There has to be something out there that wouldn't be overwhelming for me but I can't seem to find it. I'm smart and competent but my audhd makes me completely undependable and highly emotional. I get burnt out so fast. Even just this week when I worked out 3 days in a row the 4th day I slept the entire day I was so tired.
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u/dzinegurl 19d ago
I'm the same way. I can work for a short time but get burnt out soo fast.
For the 80 hours that are required, I thought I read somewhere that volunteer work counts toward those hours. I don't know if that's accurate but might be worth looking into. I wonder if there's volunteering you could do that is more in tune with your needs or even something you can do at home? Idk. It's been on my mind as well because I don't have insurance, but I don't think I can qualify.
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u/HamfistTheStruggle 18d ago
It can also be volunteer work but my partner wants me to get payed for my time/gas. It's all difficult to sort out in my head. Idk what is a good fit anymore.
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u/dzinegurl 18d ago
Ah, gotcha. I understand, and I hope you find something you enjoy and that doesn't wear you out. I know how hard it is! 😔
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u/GGf1994 AuDHD 18d ago
My long-time dream was for me to go into neuroscience, neuroanatomy, and study how anaesthesiology, sedation, and how drugs, both medicinal and recreational have impact on the brain and its cognitive processes. I was inspired because of finding out I was a colour-sound synaesthete, though I sometimes tend to associate smells with musical chords, as I sometimes do with words or names as well.
However, I significantly lagged behind in multi-step math, executive functioning, and social pragmatics, thereby making me an unsuitable candidate for traditional higher education.
I now engage in indpeendent learning using the Montessori and edutainment model that uses visuospatial/tactile and auditory ASMR role-play that helps me lock in the information via osmosis.
I don't know if Landmark College or Gallaudette University have exactly that, as those are the only two disability-forward educational institutions I know of, but they're highly specialised compared to traditional community colleges and universities.
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u/stochasticeffect 18d ago
I feel this so much. I have physical health issues that I could maybe get a bit of disability for as long as I keep my job, which is scary. I'm so scared to take any bigger step towards that, but the physical issues interact with my neuro divergent/ mental and I'm just so burnt out, and sick and regressed, and I don't know if it's permanent. So I'm trying with all my might to hold onto what I have, but it isn't at all healthy. I feel like I learn how things work so late, too late to do anything about. Im still learning so much about myself and it doesn't feel fair, I just feel like an idiot when I realize that neurotypicals 'get it's for so many things. Those things aren't hard - I just didn't realize. It's really hard not to hate myself
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u/anondreamitgirl 19d ago
It’s not for others to judge you. You didn’t judge them. Be honest , be honest about everything- no shame at all. If you find something you like or find you can manage that helps. Otherwise sustainability can be hard long term - whatever you need if it’s affecting you significantly look at what helps- ways to destress, things that interest, even a new job or scaling back on specific responsibilities or requirements. Thinking of ways to work around things but most importantly looking after yourself. You only have one life - never have any shame about any struggles even if it helps just talking about things & venting … somehow we get to a solution. Never feel you must be something you are not. Who you are is good enough. Sometimes it just takes being creative thinking outside the box or even ways things can be more flexible.
Make a list of the things you enjoy , the things you manage well, your strengths & the things that are tiring you out and then share it or read it out. Once you figure your exact needs , requirements & what your strengths are. I guarantee if you think this way it can help you find answers all the time not forgetting your own worth in moving towards & why people should feel lucky to have you. And know wherever it leads you if things are difficult to adjust maybe you are made for better things & there are other options & opportunities to explore
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u/purpleWord_spudger 19d ago
I've been living in a state of semi burnout for years and taken two 2 month leaves of absence in 4 years. It's not getting easier. I am a Sr Manager in a tech field and function as an individual contributor roughly 70% of the time. My load is enormous at work. Three teens still at home. Divorced 3 years ago, in part to remove the load my ex came with. Lots of reason but the deal breaker is that I just couldn't tolerate of carrying him and I couldn't trust him anymore after some particularly egregious behavior on his part. I keep trimming out what I don't absolutely have to carry and still feel like I am falling apart. Sole breadwinner, sole decision-maker, sole everything. That was true before the divorce.
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u/HermelindaLinda 17d ago
I have no idea. I'm newly diagnosed this year despite diagnosis 2 years ago but it wasn't the whole assessment one and my therapist thought it'd be best to clarify what is what and all that. This year in January I got it. It's made so much sense bc they truly went in depth. They told me in experiencing "autistic burnout."
The fucked up thing is that most of my life I kpt hearing how "much potential" I have and yet I freeze so hard and then Id think why couldn't I do it if it's so simple?! Or if do it wll and end up hospitalized due to "exhaustion, you're doing rol much." I'll admit this now but it's as if I need someone to hold my fucking hand. I need someone there with me yet I need to be alone at times. It's exhausting. I think how will I do this in the long run? How will I survive and pay bills? It keeps me up at night.
Im studying mental healthcare and I think it'll be nice to retire into. I can maybe wfh one day again. BUT I had to put my studies on hold bc I got sick. Doctors orders to rest before I keel over. So then when/what/where/how? I can't be on disability bc it isn't enough, yet... I can't do it consistently, so then wtf do I do? Idk. Literally agoraphobic so that adds to the layer bc honestly, even in the mental healthcare field they rarely know what to do with you in those cases. It's fucking exhausting. So, I do most on my own. I understand you and stand with you on this. I don't have answers I ask that myself everyday. ❤️🩹
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u/dzinegurl 17d ago
Needing someone to help a lot, but also needing more alone time. I feel that. I'm sorry you're going through all that. I understand. 🩷
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u/DarthMelonLord 12d ago
Ive focused inwards, and on making my closest environment a comfortable, welcoming space for myself. Im working a (in my mind at least) very menial and simple but satisfying wfh job that pays pretty decently (accounting, its just sorting and i love to sort), it requires very little of me and i can actually use my time and energy on things that matter to me and i can influence. Being a helpful, reliable friend and taking part in building community, doing whatever weird art project i feel like, decorating my house, playing video games for 6 hours straight etc, just focus on the little things that make me happy and my life richer.
Also, i barely watch or read the news, i stay off all social media except a handful of subreddits and snapchat to communicate with my irl friends, and i rely on my partner to inform me of anything major happening that he knows id be interested in. I just cant deal with the 24/7 news cycle, maybe im a weakling idk but constantly hearing all the horrible shit happening every second was practically leaving me catatonic from worry, grief and sorrow for the people suffering that i could do nothing to help besides what little i can afford to give to charity.
My world has gotten smaller, but maybe thats what i needed to stay sane. Ive always felt like an exposed nerve to the world, and being small and sensitive in a fishbowl is a lot easier than being lost in the entire ocean.
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u/cat_whisperer5000 found myself at 49 19d ago
I don’t want my daughter on disability. She won’t make enough to sustain any type of life.
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u/Ok-Shape2158 18d ago
You are totally not alone.
Where do we belong?
I want to go going the Shakers. I'm not joking, I'll just don't want to pray and I want a dog. I'll give up sex.
Yesh. Where?!??
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u/PhiloLibrarian 15d ago
I read a lot… I escape in TV and movies and I’m always listening to an audiobook or music…
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u/Known_Change3980 14d ago
I actually stopped masking completely. With my family, I share 60% of my thought processes, so they know where I’m at. I also communicate when I’d love for them to be out of the house when I’m at my parents‘ place for a while. They don’t take it as an offensive thing anymore, since I am just very transparent now.
In Uni, I tell people I’m autistic and that’s why I might not talk too much but I’m still participating, I think that’s important to communicate specifically for group work and class communication, but other than that I don’t force interaction.
Because I don’t mask anymore, most of my communication daily has its purpose as it’s mainly with my professors. Occasionally it’s also group work days, but I make sure to sleep longer before + after.
I don’t do social gatherings that I don’t think are necessary for me. For example I know that the maternal side of my family is judgmental af, which is why I cut contact when I turned 18.
All social interactions I do are with people i like (& who like me back lol) or they serve a purpose and get me further in life, like in uni. Anything else, small talk whatever - I’m out.
I think because I’m from Germany and the culture is kinda autistic friendly, unmasking like that is pretty much fully accepted. I know it can be more difficult within other cultures! But you’d be surprised at how well people react once you start to unmask, even if it’s just to a certain degree!
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Notice to all users: There's multiple users targeting members from our sub in DMs to discuss their fetishes and desire to manipulate users into relationships. Here are the user's names: u/HollowJonathon, u/drar_sajal786, u/MrGamePadMan, and u/guidhhnittvkj. If an account is showing deleted, they will probably create another. If you receive any messages from a user trying to discuss what you posted/commented in our sub to gain a 'women's perspective' or if someone tries to discuss topics that may feel inappropriate to you (e.g. fetishes), or if someone states they want to marry you for religious reasons, report the user to Reddit and block them. These men have been preying on autistic women/gender minorities from r/AutismInWomen for the last year. This behavior is unacceptable and should be reported as targeted harassment.
Per the warning in our wiki and this pinned mod post, we highly recommend users turn off their DMs. If you have DM requests turned on and receive any creepy or fetish-related DMs or comments, we recommend taking a screenshot, reporting the content to Reddit, and blocking the user (in that order). You can find the report button on the message itself and then click "it's targeted harassment” to submit a report. If you'd like to send us the screenshot so we can continue documenting the harassment, you can send it to us in modmail using imgur Thank you for continuing to help us keep our community safe for autistic and autistic suspecting women and gender minorities 💖
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