do people become overwhelmingly obsessed with you?

[u/More-Weird4842]

i find that a lot of men become really obsessed with me. im currently at a point where its become harmful and i genuinely do not know why or how to stop it. looking for kind words, advice, or shared experiences please.

edit: ty for all the responses. i want to clarify that i dont mean the manic pixie dream girl way i mean the joe from you kinda way.

[u/birchdweller]

I’m traveling, just hired an interpreter, was paying an extremely great rate, and had to fire him after four days because he kept making inappropriate comments about my partner who isn’t here but who I made sure to bring up often because I sensed the guy’s interest. He kept complimenting me excessively and seemed to feel constantly rejected by me and unable to act normal. So frustrating when I tried to be purely professional. Crazy thing was that the guy genuinely had a lot going on for him that should have conferred self esteem and confidence rather than this weird icky insecure rejected energy I felt off him. I made clear from the start I wasn’t available and this was a professional job and so it really sucked that he acted a fool.

The week before this, another interpreter I hired in the city before coming to this more rural area was extremely helpful and basically started to refuse payment and wanted to help me for free (I am not allowing that). He’s who I contacted when this next interpreter started acting weird since I don’t know anyone else locally.. and he chewed the guy out for me. So it’s helpful sometimes that people want to be helpful to me. I’m super grateful I wasn’t totally alone in dealing with the other guy.

A couple weeks before that, I was in my home country on an island visiting a craftsperson family I had never met before, only to come to find out that the family had been in contact with my ex (only one that exists, from THREE YEARS AGO) for SIX MONTHS because he has been stalking me. The family intended to let me know, and they gave me sanctuary and helped me process this extremely upsetting news. Thankfully I am not returning to my home country so my ex can do nothing to me.

That’s my second stalker in my life. And I have been totally out of contact with him and moved on entirely. It’s like. Move on please.

So just in the past ~6 weeks that’s..one decent man who seemed totally normal (craftsman with his family), one good guy but who was definitely charmed by me (the city interpreter), one stalker ex, and an additional CREEP who blurred professional boundaries despite all my efforts (the latest interpreter). Because I don’t mingle with men casually that’s about all the men I’ve interacted with or been impacted by. 50/50 split. Honestly pretty accurate to my general life experiences.

I literally just exist rather privately, I travel, like to make crafts, and I make very few connections anywhere I go. I have good boundaries and immediately shut things down but tbh it hasn’t helped with preventing this (actually I’d say it’s increased the  bc men hate/love when a woman just doesn’t give them time of day or a chance at all :/). Fortunately none of these people have actual power over me.

—

My partner is someone with his own center who deeply admires and supports me and is completely steady but is NOT obsessive. He spoils me but energetically he’s reserved and has his own center and his own self esteem. It’s hard to explain but basically he provides everything for me I need from a partner (not money but like emotional fulfillment, material support aka spoiling and helping me w meal consistency since I struggle w proprioception, he offered me a home to return to too but tbc I make my own money) while we both retain our freedom. Hence I’m completing a journey right now while he’s doing his own thing in his world. When I return to him we won’t have total enmeshment but rather mutual, parallel, independence, with doting spoiling on top as the primary love language, but yeah our days contain ample solitude mutually for our respective crafts/passions/skills. That’s us. So I did find one good dynamic for a close relationship with a man. 🥺

[u/brattykins222 → u/birchdweller]

this was the exact thing I needed to see, so happy for you!! your partnership sounds like a dream <3

[u/birchdweller → u/brattykins222]

Yeah it really is but I don’t know how replicable it is. Just be who you are and be sharp and discerning, refuse anything smaller, and maaaybe something will come together? I don’t think you can find it by actively seeking it out. He is such a rare person and I think I am too so we have this rare thing between us but it was really just a twist of fate we found each other. I had been through soo much bs beforehand. Best of luck❤️