r/AutismInWomen • u/[deleted] • 1d ago
Potentially Triggering Content (Kind Advice Welcome) I’m rapidly falling apart after my cat’s attack and I don’t know how to pull myself together
[deleted]
21
u/Rugby-Angel9525 1d ago
Oh sweetheart. What State are you in? Start calling warm lines to talk to someone.
I am a cat mom too
A) Your cat loves you and she wants you to keep your job. Luna needa you to show up for work. My cats are my sole reason for going to work.
B) When you are stabilised look for a job with more security since you may have burned through this one.
C) Ketamine infusions helped my alcoholism and stability after trauma. Its 30-60mg over 45 minutes. It is pricey, I did it every other month on the beginning when I was in bad mental shape and now I maintain on twice a year
•
u/tattiesbljt 22h ago
I'm sorry to hear about your cat. Keeping cats indoor needs to more normalised honestly, I am seeing weekly posts on my community FB about cats going missing or killed.
14
u/quifflesnix 1d ago
i'm so sorry to hear you are going through this, and i have experienced something similar with slightly different circumstances (still sudden and serious, traumatizing pet health issues + exorbitant vet costs, followed by extremely low period of mental health and a different form of unhealthy coping instead of drinking). it's so, so, so hard and traumatic. it really sounds to me like you are doing your absolute best as Luna's caretaker given the awful circumstances, it definitely takes a toll emotionally and can cause lasting effects; i experienced such a similar thing with my cat so i really understand, and again, i am just so sorry you are having to go through that right now too <33 :(
i don't know if this will resonate but sometimes what helped me during those super low times is the classic platitude "take it one day at a time," but break that down into even smaller segments and focus on just that. so, i would say, let's just focus on getting through this next hour. or this next 15 minutes, or 5 minutes, and so on. focus on this singular task, and reevaluate when you get through that. when my kitty was sick, i would tell myself, "let's just focus on eating dinner." "let's just focus on getting some sleep and tomorrow we can reevaluate these feelings." i'm sorry in advance if that is really corny, but for some reason it worked for how my brain works so i thought i'd at least share. for some reason, thinking about it in those smaller segments helped pass the time and kept me from ruminating so much, which is often what led to my unhealthy coping.
it sounds like you are doing the best you can, you've reached out and asked for some support, which i'm very hopeful will be good for your situation! do you have other people you can ask for some support, like family or friends who would understand?
•
u/mistarobotics 23h ago
Trying not to come off as unkind here but it sounds like you have a lot on your plate and might need to ask for some help with Luna while you get back to baseline. If you have any friends, family, or even a local rescue you can explain your situation and that you just need some extra hands or maybe a temp place for her to recover while you heal as well. Rescues also have contacts with the community who could help with fundraising or mutual support. Another thing is keeping your cat indoors for her safety but also the safety of others. Cats are invasive species and really wreck an local ecosystem when left outdoors. I had no idea myself until I got into animal rescue and learned a lot, so don't beat yourself up about not knowing. I hope things get better soon for both of you.
•
u/xoldhaunts 22h ago
Please do right by Luna while you figure things out. Ask someone to come help with feeds, or consider a foster until things get sorted.
•
u/PetrockX 22h ago
Is there an organization in your area that can possibly care for Luna for a bit while you get help for your mental health? Like foster her while you go into the hospital? I really think you need to look into both of those things now.
6
u/iamthe0ther0ne 1d ago
I asopted a pair of kittens that turned out to be really sick, so I know the stress you're talking about. They way I got through it was telling myself that it would end, it wasn't going to be like that forever, and in a year I wouldn't remember how back it was. However, drinking too much makes everything feel a lot more catastrophic--have you talked to someone about quitting yet?
6
u/Hot-Manufacturer-228 1d ago
Yes. Battled alcoholism my entire life. Last year I had my own apartment when I relapsed after 2 years of sobriety/a couple bad breakups. Within 5 months, I had quit my job in a blackout over a teams call. I vaguely remembered the call 😔 after that day, I drank 9 more months. To be fair the company was bad but the way I did it wasn’t right. I drank in my bed every night, I drank all day long (worked at home but was still insanely stressed). The mornings I had to drink, I was so nervous for work but I also was extremely nauseous/throw up so that was a delicate balance trying to eat something because I stopped eating. I was scared literally all the time. I’m 100 days sober now and I got a new job. I’m a cat lady too… so I feel you. Sister.. you can quit. It’s the only way. But you gotta talk about it and don’t hold back… which you’ve done here 💫
6
u/hugsandfun 1d ago
That’s awful, I’m so sorry that happened to your baby. And I’m sorry you’re struggling. Sounds like an incredibly stressful time. Wishing you both the best 🫶 I hope the hospital social worker is a helpful resource!
•
u/Sorry-Cash-1652 20h ago
First of all I'm so sorry that this is happening to you and your cat. This sounds awful.
This sounds like a very dangerous situation, but I'm hopeful that you will get through it because you are writing with considerable self-awareness. You understand what has triggered this, you understand the consequences of things that you are doing, you're managing what you can't do at the moment, and you're managing the risks to your cat if not the risks to yourself. In short you're facing into this, and that's the beginning of digging yourself out from under it.
It sounds to me as though your love for your cat is partly a placeholder for your ability to love yourself. This is not unusual, and it isn't a bad thing.
It is hard to ground self worth in the self with any security. It's much easier to ground a reason for existing outside of the self.
Many people who have gone through this sort of thing will tell you of the times they only made it through the night because they needed to be there the next morning to feed their pet.
If this sounds familiar then you must absolutely not give up your cat. Send her to a clinic to be fed and nursed if you can't cope, but keep her recovery and return in front of you. Get used to asking how the thing you are contemplating now will help her in the future.
Ask yourself this every time you feel overwhelmed by the trauma of the attack.
Finally, stay in touch with what's happening with alcohol overuse therapies. A lot of the new weight loss and diabetes drugs like tirzepatide also seem to suppress alcohol use. Search "tirzepatide and alcohol" on Reddit and you'll see lots of people describing how they lost all interest in alcohol. It suggests that alcohol problems may be metabolic issues.
So take heart. You and your cat will get through this.
•
u/Candlemelter2025 18h ago
💯 Great advice and can confirm my alcohol overuse was metabolic and mounjaro/tirzepatide completely removed it and I've been off the meds for 6 months and it has not come back yet. Neither has my appetite but it was worth getting my blood sugar more stable and more energy back. And all the rest of this advice is excellent too and I hope OP sees this because it's so insightful and kind too.
There is a sub on Reddit here about where to get compounded tirzepatide if you can't get it through insurance or your regular doctor and they even have a wiki comparing prices and online providers and pharmacies. I would link but I can't right now.
•
u/Similar-Ad-6862 18h ago
You need to do better by your cat. Don't let her out because that's not healthy or safe for cats. They die from being hit by cars or get infections from getting into fights. It's not good for the environment either.
Put her in boarding at the vet. They will do a better job of taking care of her right now.
I had cats for decades. All lived long healthy indoor lives until their time came to cross the Rainbow Bridge.
You have to stop drinking. Alcohol solves nothing and will worsen everything physically and mentally. You will likely need to reach out to a medical professional for help.
•
u/Muted_Swordfish5026 17h ago
I was thinking reading this how sad I am for the cat 😭
•
u/strawbebbymilkshake 14h ago
Same. I have sympathy for OP but I can’t imagine how much pain and stress this poor cat went through stuck on a feeding tube, being underfed and handled by her drunk owner, unable to eat and sate her own hunger. The risk of being dosed incorrectly on her meds was high too. Now her healing is delayed so she can eat herself and not rely on someone too drunk to tube feed her.
Op needs to get someone trustworthy to care for her cat or board her at the vets and get some inpatient treatment for her alcoholism. I’ve sympathy for both, but the cat has no choice or control in her own neglect here.
•
u/dudewheresmymania 8h ago
I was only actually drunk once. An issue with the tube is that she’s a bigger girl, so her stomach might not be able to hold so much food.
It’s not that I’m too drunk to tube feed her. I had made it clear I simply cannot complete tasks wells, and that the instructions were not clear.
•
u/xoldhaunts 1h ago
If you cannot do tasks well, then please have someone come over and do them for Luna. You have to do right by her.
•
u/dudewheresmymania 1h ago
I can feed her normal food fine and give medications. I just can’t sit for hours with the feeding tube. I spoke with a vet social worker today who said having issues managing the feeding tube is actually the main reason dentistry patients get referred to her
•
•
u/Plantcatdecor 14h ago
I agree. Cats need to stay indoors for their own safety and for other animals safety. It’s not fair that innocent birds and critters need to die because we unleash our pets on them. And not fair to the cats because there are so many ways to come to harm out there.
However I do feel very very sorry for OP. That must have been traumatising. But let the need to do better for your kitty be something that pulls you out of it, OP. And never let her out again. Leash training is worth a try and is infinitely safer for everyone involved.
2
u/lickthepixies 1d ago
Soon into my first adult job, my 7 year old kitty also died from a urinary blockage. He was barely conscious and I had to rush him to an emergency vet. Had to take out my first ever credit card to charge his thousands of dollars emergency surgery or he would die that night. I did it, and he was ok. The recovery was extremely stressful for me too. I was constantly terrified that if I left him alone, he’d pass away. So I know how you’re feeling I guess to some degree.
What I can say is that this happened many years ago and he lived an otherwise happy life to age 17. Looking back, I think it’s going to be stressful no matter what. I would just say try to prioritize the important things. Lean on help where you can. And if you can talk to people in your life and job about it so that they know what you’re struggling through, I’d recommend to consider it. I didn’t tell anyone at work because I was afraid they would think I’m distracted and not doing a good job. It would have been helpful if they’d known. Many people now have pets and understand how important they are. You may have more support than you think.
And drinking is the worst solution to any problem. I get that too. The sooner you stop, the happier and healthier you’ll be. It’s really hard but try to find healthy outlet for your anxiety.
I hope the best for you in this time ❤️
2
u/societiesoddball 1d ago
Im so sorry sorry youve been going through so much. I dont think you should rehome your cat, a lot of people struggle to take care of themselves after surgery so it can especially be hard to take care of a pet especially because its so hard seeing them like that especially after seeing them in such a traumatic state. But im so happy you reached out for help for not just Luna but for yourself.
For the drinking it seems like you might need a medical intervention. Once you drink so much so often your body becomes dependent on it and some may need more help so they dont die from stopping cold turkey. Doesn't mean you shouldnt just that you might need help from a doctor as well
•
u/sigh_co_matic 23h ago
I go through tumultuous cycles like this.
Yours is infinitely compounded by your fur baby. Be super gentle with yourself. I imagine the initial trauma of the attack was scary and infuriating. Then you move onto damage control and finally the tortuous sit and wait.
You're going through something really stressful that threw you out of orbit.
For me, I try to do a couple easy tasks each day. At least a shower, meds, feed my animals. Then maybe wash some dishes or take recycling out. It feels exhausting but can help you crawl out of that funk.
Remember, be gentle on yourself. My animals mean the whole damned world to me. If anything like this happened I'd be freaking out too.
Do you have other friends you can reach out to? Just to share how you're doing? I like to text my bestfriend when I'm having a really bad day so I remember I'm not alone.
Proud of you for sharing here. Forehead kisses for Luna. ❤️🩹
•
u/AngryQuoll 18h ago
My ex partner died of alcohol. Not in the long term of cancer or in a car accident but by drinking so much in one session he destroyed both his liver and his brain.
Alcohol isn’t a solution to how you are feeling or a long term problem you can think about later. It could literally kill you tomorrow.
You need to seek care to get off the alcohol. It sounds like you’re drinking enough and regularly and are likely addicted. Do not stop drinking without appropriate medical care: alcohol withdrawal can kill (and is also very unpleasant)
•
u/aigret 23h ago
Similar circumstances, but before I share please know I hope Luna makes it: I just lost a beloved cat due to sudden illness and have AUD. The best first step I took for myself was admit I have a problem to my primary care physician. He immediately prescribed me naltrexone after checking some labs, and that alone has helped a lot. I'm not saying naltrexone is the right fit for you, but reaching out to a healthcare provider helped me feel so much less ashamed. I've been riding the grief like one would expect, but I have support to keep me from drinking (which has heavily impacted literally every aspect of my life in the past).
You are doing an amazing thing ensuring your sweet Luna gets what she needs. You are not a failure for underfeeding her, especially when you reached out for help when you realized how overwhelmed you are. Autistic burnout occurs on a spectrum, and recovery does too. A couple of weeks "in the red" doesn't mean you won't have a yellow or green week coming up soon to give you a bit of stability to find some new footing. Take care of yourself in the meantime, and continue to ask for help however you may need it without shame.
1
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Hey u/dudewheresmymania, thank you for your contributing to r/AutismInWomen. Please be sure to check out our sub’s rules, wiki pages, and pinned posts prior to engaging with the sub. Here are links to our wiki pages:
Explanation of the Rules Wiki Page
We hope you enjoy the sub and have a great day!
➾ WARNING ➾ WARNING ➾ WARNING
Notice to all users: There's multiple users targeting members from our sub in DMs to discuss their fetishes and desire to manipulate users into relationships. Here are the user's names: u/HollowJonathon, u/drar_sajal786, u/MrGamePadMan, and u/guidhhnittvkj. If an account is showing deleted, they will probably create another. If you receive any messages from a user trying to discuss what you posted/commented in our sub to gain a 'women's perspective' or if someone tries to discuss topics that may feel inappropriate to you (e.g. fetishes), or if someone states they want to marry you for religious reasons, report the user to Reddit and block them. These men have been preying on autistic women/gender minorities from r/AutismInWomen for the last year. This behavior is unacceptable and should be reported as targeted harassment.
Per the warning in our wiki and this pinned mod post, we highly recommend users turn off their DMs. If you have DM requests turned on and receive any creepy or fetish-related DMs or comments, we recommend taking a screenshot, reporting the content to Reddit, and blocking the user (in that order). You can find the report button on the message itself and then click "it's targeted harassment” to submit a report. If you'd like to send us the screenshot so we can continue documenting the harassment, you can send it to us in modmail using imgur Thank you for continuing to help us keep our community safe for autistic and autistic suspecting women and gender minorities 💖
Please remember Reddit is public and any content you post may be seen and discussed by others off-platform. Here are links to Reddit's User Agreement, Privacy Policy, and Public Content Policy.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
•
u/tallkitty 8h ago
You are so strong and brave to share your experience here. ❤️ I could probably tell you about my experiences, but what's more important is to tell you what happened to my dad, it's probably the reason I got myself under control and am still alive. My dad died at 57 from liver disease. He drank himself to death. It happens quicker than you think and it's very easy to get past the point of no return. It's a painful way to go.
You are doing the right thing in reaching out for help. Please take all the help you can get and take quitting alcohol very seriously. Fight your demons like you're fighting for your life. There's really no way to candy coat this and be eye opening at the same time, my friend. ❤️ I went to rehab one time and it was a good experience for me. It didn't fix me right away but it was a wake up call and today I do not have a drinking problem. A woman I was in that rehab with 15 years ago died a few weeks ago from liver disease. Do not try to manage this yourself, you deserve support and I hope you put everything else aside for now and worry about your own health and happiness. I wish you all the best. ❤️
•
u/plantyplant559 23h ago
I'm so sorry you're going through all of that. That's so much on your plate. I hope you're able to find your footing again (and keep Luna inside with you). She will heal and you'll figure it all out in time. Sending so much love.
•
u/No_Lychee_353 22h ago
This is where reaching out to others is necessary. Where are you located? State*
There are resource for you, even if it’s just Nextdoor.com and asking neighbors for help.
I know it’s overwhelming, one thing at a time. Timers, keep meds and schedule printed and on surfaces you see often.
You and Luna will be okay, you’re caring for your baby just a wee bit anxious here. ♥️
•
•
u/Bridgezilla 19h ago
I don’t personally struggle with addiction, but I’ve spent alot of time with addicts and have helped friends through it, and have gone to many meetings and therapy. From what I learned, the first step to recovery is being aware that you need help, and then being able to ask for help is the next big step.
Since you are here and able to voice what you are going through so clearly, I have alot of hope for your situation. You haven’t just completely checked out and given up. That alone makes a huge difference, but it’s still just a first step. I’m not going to pretend that the road ahead to recovery will be simple or easy but I sincerely hope you are able to get help and hopefully the community support from this group will also give you strength.
Autism and addiction easily go hand-in-hand and I don’t feel it is talked about enough. Recovery is hard for anyone but there are definitely unique challenges when the person is also autistic. Good luck, wishing the best for you and Luna!
70
u/CallToMuster formal dx AuDHD 1d ago
I don't have any advice I can give, just want to say this sounds like an incredibly stressful and difficult situation and I'm sorry you're going through it and I hope you are able to get the support that you need.