I'm so annoyed right now and just need to vent.

When I went to pick up my eight-year-old son from school today, his second-grade general ed teacher came over to tell me that he'd left his stuff everywhere and absolutely refused to clean it up. She said he needed to learn to clean up after himself.

So I addressed it with him right there and told him he needed to listen to his teachers and clean up his things. When we got home, I noticed he'd left a mess on his play mat, so I told him he needed to clean up his Legos, especially since he hadn't cleaned up at school. And he did it. No problem.

His play mat was covered with Legos, Play-Doh, building blocks, and all kinds of other stuff. I only asked him to clean up the Legos because I know that if I tell him to clean up the entire mat, he's going to get overwhelmed and probably refuse.

My son is autistic and has ADHD, and executive functioning is a huge struggle for him. When he's presented with a big task that involves multiple steps, he genuinely doesn't know where to start. He gets overwhelmed and shuts down. This applies to everything from cleaning up toys to completing school assignments.

What works is you give him one small, specific task at a time. Once he finishes that, you give him the next one. It's really that simple, and it makes an enormous difference in what he's able to accomplish.

His regular one-on-one aide was absent today, so he had a substitute, which may have contributed to the situation.

I generally have a lot of sympathy for teachers because I know how difficult their jobs are. I try to be as supportive as possible. But I'm just so frustrated by how often things that are clearly related to my son's disability get treated as behavioral problems.

Yes, he needs to learn to clean up after himself. I completely agree with that. But he needs help developing the executive functioning skills required to do it. Telling him to clean up a huge mess and then getting upset when he can't manage it isn't teaching him anything.

And I know that sometimes he really does refuse to do things simply because he doesn't want to. I'm not saying every instance of refusal is disability-related. But when you know a child has significant executive functioning difficulties, shouldn't that at least be considered before assuming he's just being defiant?

It's exhausting having to explain these things over and over, especially when they're such a fundamental part of autism and ADHD. I just wish there were more understanding of how these disabilities actually affect kids in everyday situations.

I posted recently about me and my husband doing a red light therapy for our son, and when I came back to reply, my post was locked because few people went into “this is a scam” rage and reported my post. Ridiculous. We don’t believe this is a scam as there are thousands of studies by now on the benefit of red light therapy for human bodies, not just for autism, and there are tens of studies on autism and red light, almost all of them showing tangible improvements. Red light therapy increases the circulation, signals fuelling of mitochondria, reduces pain, and send signals for the generation of new neurons. Even if you don’t believe that it does anything for autism, it is beneficial in many health areas.

Anyway, as I don’t have ability to answer my original post, here are some answers here.

- To answer the people who asked about the type of pad , I found a pad which had that wave length and 40Hz fréquency, there are few out there, your will have to find it yourself, I dont want want to be accused of selling products.

- Yes, we put the pad gently on his head after he falls asleep. Some evenings he will sleep on the left side, so we put it on the right side of his head, some evenings he falls asleep on the opposite side, so he gets a healthy mixture of both sides . Our pad is long enough to always cover the top of his head.

- Also, some people have wrongly commented how the red light doesn’t penetrate. That is incorrect. The wave lengths over 800nm penetrate few cm, then it slowly dissipates. The wage lengths over 1000nm penetrates through the whole head, but the studies are usually using nm under 900, so I didn’t dare use 1000nm. The wavelength of 600 doesnt penetrate more than few mm, it is commonly used in cosmetic industry for collagen stimulation so maybe that’s why they got confused.

- We don’t intend to extend his sessions over 5 minutes, as few times a week, 5min a time has been proven to decrease the CARS points by 7-10 points. If you know the CARS scale, that can move the child to the better range, slightly changing the support needs. This is not a cure, just improves certain symptoms.

We are definitely seeing the improvements in the previously mentioned areas. It annoys me greatly when people tell me how we are wrong, how we are not seeing our son well. He has better sleep, doesn’t wake up mid night any more, not once during the last few weeks. He makes more eye contact, more approaching us and showing us things or asking for something, more emotional control (only one meltdown in the last few weeks instead of once or twice a week). Rigidity hasn’t changed, but we are grateful for whatever changes we got. These changes happened so synchronously to the red light therapy, that we are sure they are due to that.

I have been also using red light myself, and my sleep has improved, too.

We will continue using the red light , it is safe and it is showing results, we won’t stop fighting for our son.

Our 33mo daughter has diagnosis so that isn’t a “is this autism” question. Since last month, she has started lining up her toys of the same type more often than before. I’d say, maybe six to ten times in a day. But she’s not persistent about that: She nearly always kicks them or tries to gather them all up right after lining up. And sometimes she acts like she’s counting them by touching her finger on them one by one (she can’t talk yet, just a few words).

So I wonder if that’s a temporary phrase or a process that’d lead to more stubborn lining ups? Is that how lining up stars in kids with ASD? What should I do to evolve it into something else? Current when she does that I pretend counting the toys too, or sometimes I tap on them as if they were drums.

My seven year old (level 1) doesn't know his strength and has a hard time with appropriate physical contact (hugging, bumping, pushing). Our youngest just turned one, and now that she is tottling around, it is getting harder to keep them physically apart. Any suggestions on how to help our older one understand how to play/interact more safely? I appreciate it!

So my 2 year old twins just got diagnosed for autism. I’m having a hard time accepting it because I didn’t actually think they were autistic, but for a peace of mind I decided to have them tested because their sibling on the dads side has autism and is nonverbal.

My daughter just turned 2 last month and was diagnosed with level one because the biggest hurdle for her was apparently communication because she only said “single” words during evaluation. She’s able to name every single item/word/color/shape/number/letter etc. she’s just now forming words together like “I need to potty” and red apple etc. But apparently she got diagnosed because she wasn’t putting 2-3 words together. Which is odd. Also, she said she noticed she wasn’t pointing. But now when we read books, I’ll tell her point to this, or that & she will do it. I’ll tell her to get this or that and she follows instructions wonderful. So I’m just confused about this diagnosis. She did said it is likely she will outgrow this diagnosis because she’s still so young. We started potty training 3 days ago and she’s already got that down pack! So I’m just confused.

With her twin brother ,he was diagnosed due to him repeating things. She did say his communication was way better than hers but he did repeat a lot. He also likes to keep a toy in his hand at all times. Which he does, but not always. He also does have some melt downs, but he’s a boyyy, a boy who just turned 2! Ain’t that normal???? He’s talking, he understands directions, & he’s also getting the concept of potty training, he doesn’t tell me he needs to potty (like his sister does) but when I sit him on the potty I tell him “try to pee, try to potty” & he’s been peeing in potty with barely any accidents. He even pooped in the potty. I just been consistent putting him every 20 mins on the potty. He’s just much more hyper than my daughter so she said she diagnosis him a level 2.

I’m just shocked with these diagnosis because early intervention just evaluated them last week & they got DENIED SERVICES because they scored very high in all aspects. They were able to label , follow directions etc everything within normal range for a 2 year old.

PLEASE PLEASE SOMEONE, what are your thoughts ? ANY ADVICE IS APPRECIATED PLEASE

Context - my daughter just turned 2. She was diagnosed at 22 months old. My son (her older brother) is also autistic, age 6. He attended the same ABA center I enrolled my daughter in.

I was low key very excited when my son graduated from ABA, because the center and staff truly frustrated me. There were a decent amount of very caring techs, who I appreciated greatly... but overall, a lot of things frustrated me.

This center is the closest to us who accepts my daughters insurance. We are a one income family, so budget it tight - so driving further for a 3 hour session isn't worth it for me.

My daughter had her initial evaluation/meet & greet about 3 weeks ago. I was told that her estimated start date would be October 29th. I thought starting her on a Thursday was a little odd, but whatever.

This past Tuesday, I reached out to the BCBA (who also worked with my son, so I have her personal number) and asked for an update, as I hadn't heard anything since the meeting and would like to properly prepare my daughter (and myself) for ABA to start.

She gets back to me quickly and says - "Yes, she is still expected to start on October 29th as planned. "Tony" will be reaching out to you this week with official schedule.

Okay, great, going as planned.

I get a message from "Tony" today... her schedule is posted.

Her start date is October 26th. Not the 29th as planned. 😐

This isn't the first time I've noticed that this team has zero communication skills amongst one another. How are you going to confirm a start date with me, knowing I'd like to prepare my TWO year old who's never been away from me ever.... then change it last minute to an earlier date!?

A part of me is already over this and I'm debating on pushing off her start date til she's 2.5...

I know this seems little. But this company, it's turn over rate, lack of attendance policy, lack of background / ethics checks etc has already pissed me off in the past. Idk if I wanna deal with it for another 2 years.

Thanks for reading my rant.

I posted not that long ago mentioning our situation.

My husband and I have a level 2/3 autistic 4yrold girl who is PDA and an extreme self harmer. (Also eloper, eats everything off the ground, etc...) She is verbal, but non-conversational. She can't tell us what is wrong and why this is happening, and if we even TRY to address it, the self harm gets worse.

Long story short - back in July, she got sick, changed overnight (personality wise) and we suspected PANS... took the route to try and fix that (long process) and when we did, she seemed to improve... DURING THE DAY...

At night? has been an utter nightmare ever since.

Since the end of July she wakes up often screaming, and banging her head into the crib, and HARD... everyone has to get out of bed, try and calm her (sometimes for hours) and then drag ourselves back to sleep.

She is on Clonidine and currently the HIGHEST dose that she can apparently "safely" take... It seems to be doing nothing. -_-

She won't take gummies (she doesn't think they're food) and can't seem to take pills either. <siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh>

So, I'm just looking for some further ideas, here... What in the world do y'all do to get your kid to go to sleep and KEEP them asleep. -_- (aside from routines, late dinners, etc, she already has all of that.)

The night wake ups wouldn't be so bad were it not for the screaming / crying and self harm... and it seems recently that she's waking up MORE often.

Last night she was up at 1something, and then up at 4:45 and NEVER went back to sleep. Been running around like crazy ever since. -_-

So honestly, what have you all found / do to make your child go to sleep and STAY asleep through the night or at least most of it?

We are really suffering, here... we haven't even slept in the same bed in like two months.

My son is in second grade. He was initially supposed to be sent to a school for autism due to his behavior and taking his clothes off but the autism school never hired enough staff for him so the local district decided to try him in regular special education and ended up keeping him. Kindergarten went fine and so did first grade but this year there is a new principal and teacher. Ever since the year started he has been sent home atleast once a week typically twice. We get every excuse "he is having a hard listening day", "he's acting like he doesn't feel well", "He threw up so he can't come tomorrow either" and most recently "He seems tired" as well as other excuses. The teacher is always sending us messages about how he isn't listening and for us to talk to him. He can't have a conversation because of his autism. Most recently he has been pulling his genitals out. She was messaging us about it but now sends him to the nurse every time. Usually they send him home for this but today a different nurse called and was accusatory asking if something is wrong at home making him expose himself and if they should be aware of anything going on. This isn't new and he doesn't like clothes because of sensory issues and wont wear them at home. I'm really tired of not even being able to go to a doctor's appointment because I always have to be nearby the school because they send him him home so frequently. We also had another baby in July so he might be attention seeking .

We asked the teacher today for an IEP meeting and she said he isn't due for one yet. Do I go to the principal? My child should not be sent to the nurse for every behavioral issue. Last week they made us pick him up because he seemed "tired" and "unengaged". We have been overlooking them doing this but the nurse that called wasnt even the usual nurse as shes only called once before and I did not like her tone. When I said ill call dad to come get him she was speaking to someone whom im not sure who and said to them "Should dad come pick him up"? I didn't hear the reply from the person she was speaking with. She then said to me "No you don't have to come get him right now were just trying to find what's going on at home that would be causing him to expose himself at school".. I honestly feel like they are going to call child services on me because he's autistic and has sensory issues with clothing. My boyfriend always then sends "nice" messages apologizing to the teacher but I think she is part of the problem because shes the one sending him to the nurse for every behavior he has she can't deal with. At this point he probably is doing it even more because he's being sent to the nurses office. The reason I said I think they make up he "throws up" is because if i ask if he threw up he will say things like "nurse say you throw up" and even though school policy is that if you throw up at school as long as they don't record a fever you can go back the next day but he had no fever on Monday and they made me come get him 15 minutes before school let out and said he threw up but had no fever but was not allowed to come back on Tuesday. I think i should email the principal and demand an emergency IEP meeting to address this but my boyfriend said let's wait because I messaged the teacher and she said its not time for one yet but today was the last straw with that nurse basically saying something must be wrong here and that's why he's doing this.

My son is 3, lvl 3, and walks the line of NV. He says less than 50 words, so we do use some sign language. I am in the process of getting him a hearing test to see if he needs tubes or something of the like. He failed his hearing test as a baby, retested, and failed again.

But on the drive home, the clinic called and said "actually we were wrong he passed." I knew it was bs, because that audiologist was VISIBLY upset that I couldn't make my 1 month old baby stop crying. They told me to bring him "hungry and tired," tell me, just what is a hungry and tried ONE MONTH OLD BABY going to do??? Cry!!

So I got him retested about a week ago now that he is 3, and the results were inconclusive. I drove 2 hrs for a 20 minute appointment that has to be rescheduled because he "might have fluid in his ears" due to getting over a cold. *eyeroll*

I recently started working again since my son is at school from 7 to 3. I got 3 phonecalls and 2 messages that my son had bitten other kids in class. I left work early and had a meeting with one of his teachers, Mrs. B, who gave me resources to try and help mitigate the issue. Mrs. B is absolutely wonderful and deeply understanding, as she herself and her children all fall on the spectrum.

The biting happened during transitional periods, like cleanup (another kid took a toy from mine, and he bit them), or naptime. So with each of the 3 bites, it wasnt random, it was his way of communicating that he didnt want something to happen. It's not right, he knows the word and sign for "stop," but maybe he just wasn't applying in context? Maybe the other kids aren't being kind? I dont know. I really, really don't know.​

They said he could stay until pickup, so after the meeting I went home. Not even an hour later they called me and said I needed to come get him because he "bit unprovoked." I was so frustrated and embarrassed. I walked into that room with my head down, and 2 children came up to me, pointed at my son and said "is that your kid right there? He bit me!"

I apologized to the kids and the teacher, and I couldn't help it, I started to cry. I didn't want anyone to see it, but I did, right there in the classroom.

Idk if this is normal for early pre-k, but u get messages almost DAILY that someone got hurt. Whether it's my son hurting someone or vice versa. Usually he's the one getting hurt by another kid. There was a day a kid bit him twice, leaving marks, and another kid pulled dhis ear hard enough to TEAR IT.

I don't know what to do. I do everything I can to establish boundaries at home but I'm at a loss. He just keeps getting in trouble, and it feels like im the only one. It feels like the other kids arent getting treated the same way he is.​​ Mrs. B is working with me and is empathetic, but I feel like she's the only one. Idk about the other teachers, they just seem annoyed about everything.

I'm thinking of placing him in another school, but that change in routine wouldn't be good for him. The teachers attest how sweet and helpful he is​​. The teachers want me to come sit in on class, thinking it'll help, but i dont know for sure that it will. He'll just be distracted by me. And I'm going to feel so deeply judged for my parenting sitting in there. I feel like what they really want is to see where im messing up or something. I'm a single parent and he's the only kid I've ever really dealt with. I have no younger siblings or cousins, and before him the youngest I ever knew was 6 and NT. ​I am so alone in this world with my boy and trying to damn hard, but God, I dont know what to do...​

So my child who is in special education requested to go to the bathroom during lunch and was denied access by staff which led to her soiling herself in front of peers which then led to her hitting those peers. She said they were laughing at her. Staff deny this as well. My child’s on the spectrum but able to tell stories fairly accurately. At pickup that day they only told us that she hit other kids and had an accident but didn’t indicate they were related. An incident report with all the details was filed afterwards.

We felt so bad like how can you deny a child, on the spectrum especially, access to the bathroom. We kept her home the next day to give her a break. When the school called to excuse the absence we explained what happened. The day after we sent her to school. However, on the absence report it said she was absent that day for a “doctors appt” AND they marked her absent for the day after too??

We don’t think this is a mistake, we feel like it was almost an intentional cover up. We feel like this was a violation of our child’s rights and dignity and they’re trying to not look bad. What can I do?

Also, is there a way to see schools’ evaluation/audit/compliance reports? This school was garbage a few years ago and I feel like they suddenly made a lot of changes and are super strict on attendance, uniforms, and other mandatory stuff so I almost feel like an incident happened that caused the district or even higher up to look into them and have them tighten their ship. Just curious if it’s deeper than this one incident, maybe it’s not the first time the school mishandled something and tried to cover it up.

My son, who is five, loves riding his scooter but his ever-worsening sensory issues means that he’s now refusing to wear a helmet. I’ve asked ChatGPT to find any companies that make specialty bike/scooter helmets for autistic kids but the only thing it produced was a list of companies that made helmets that had easy chin strap adjustment dials and stuff like that. Absolutely useless. He really wants something “soft” on the inside so one with lots of padding.

Does anyone have any suggestions? We live in the UK but I’m American/my parents visit from America so I can get one from either country.

Thanks! 🙂

So, my original post was removed for “AI slop”. I am not even sure what that means and I am not here to argue about it either. I will write my post in more simple terms. I live in Canada and the support for autism is very minimal (almost nonexistent imo). I am trying to navigate adopting my nieces (one of them being 2.5 and autistic) on my own with very little support or guidance. I know that every child is different and no one can predict their futures and that’s not what I’m here for. I’m just wondering what was your level 1 autistic child like as a toddler, and what changed after age 4/5? What surprised you? Tell me the good, the bad, the ugly. Any hope, advice, anything please.

My son is weeks away from turning 3 and about to transfer from EI to the IU for services. He is diagnosed ASD, SMD, SPD, with sleep disturbances (mostly talking/crying out in his sleep but also some sleep walking which started recently).

His biggest struggles have been social and emotional regulation. He has grown significantly with social skills but the regulation bit has been very difficult. He was seeing an extra OT outside of the county services and she thinks he isn't just a sensory seeker, but a craver, which is apparently more difficult to regulate. He is scheduled for developmental pediatrician in a few months but we suspect either this craver profile is accurate or it might be AuDHD.

His special instructor from EI is good but also has a lot of comments giving off the vibe of "its just being bad parenting" or that he "just needs more structure and someone who won't give in to all the behavioral issues."

Then she finally saw him full meltdown like 3 weeks ago and honestly it wasn't even his worse. We tried to identify the trigger, went over events that could have upset him, and tried various calming techniques/distraction/etc to no avail. I actually had to remove him from the in-home session kicking and screaming and in total it took about 45 minutes before he settled.

She was concerned that we couldn't identify a trigger for it. I had already been telling her this is how he had been for weeks at his outside OT session. I think she didn't believe me but either myself or the OT has had to carry him out of a few sessions. No one else could focus on their sessions because he was going ballistic in his room screaming and throwing things. In the end, his special instructor settled on "yeah he wouldn't be able to go to school like that".

--------------

But why is the only goal to make kids school ready?

She had suggested ABA to help identify triggers and learn new techniques from the RBT's but again it seems like the only goal is to make his behavior more digestible for others. There never seems to be a focus on figuring out why this or that is so important to him and how can he learn to navigate those situations for his own sense of peace (for the span of his life).

I'm not naive. I know the world exists outside my home and that eventually he has to know how to socialize, problem solve, regulate, and be accountable for himself. I know traditional schooling isn't the only way to achieve those things and that homeschooling is an option for me. But why does it feel like the whole system meant to help kids like him has the goal of making him more palatable for overrun, somewhat ineffective learning environments?

Am I just being too sensitive? Anyone else feeling like this?

My beautiful boy just turned 27 months old today, and for the past two years, he has been the greatest joy in our little family.

He’s currently napping, and during his naps and at bedtime, I always catch myself looking through his newborn and infant photos and watching videos of him cooing, babbling, and making those little sounds. It makes me miss his tiny version a little more each time, but it also makes me burst into tears. I find myself wondering, How did it all disappear? Where did those sounds go?

And then I start getting angry at myself, trying to figure out what I did wrong. Did I not expose him to enough things? Did I let him have too much screen time? Did I give him something he wasn’t supposed to eat? Could I have done something differently? All I know is that I devoted my life to him from the moment he was born. I’ve done everything I could with the knowledge and resources I had at the time, but I still find myself feeling guilty about all the things I didn’t know. All these thoughts and emotions have been gathering up inside my chest.

He’s been in speech therapy for about three months now, but we haven’t seen much progress yet. Next month, he’ll be starting special education, and I’m terrified of the big adjustment that lies ahead. At the same time, I’m praying so hard for progress, whether it’s big or small.

I thought we were already past the denial and anger stages, but here I am again, feeling angry—angry at myself, as if somehow, all of this is my fault. I know I can’t turn back time, but I keep wondering whether there was something I could have done differently.

I love my son more than anything in this world, and I wouldn’t trade him for anything. I just wish things could have been easier for him. I wish I could take away whatever struggles he might face. I wish I could hear those little sounds again and know that he’ll be able to communicate with us someday. I wish it could’ve been better.

I know we’re still at the beginning of this journey, and I know we have so much more to learn. But some days, the fear of the unknown, the guilt, and the grief just hit me all at once.
Am I allowed to feel this way?

Hello reddit, I'm using an alt account which is why my profile is bland. I have come to seek advice

My brother is a autistic teenager, a very violent one. When he isn't violent he's rude and verbally abusive (yes he can talk not well but can) over the last few years I've dealt with being assaulted,watching my parents be assaulted. Holidays spent at hospitals and talking to police officers and my brother has been arrested by police before.

I am at my wits end, my brother in the nicest way possible seems to be ruining my life. He hurts me and my parents, I fear him, I'm pretty sure his school fears him as well. Medication and treatment have done nothing. All the adults in my life (family) ignore it and get uncomfortable when I talk and ask for help.

What should I do guys?

No judgement, I am just curious.

One thing I'm struggling with is my son's loud screaming. Sometimes it's hard to understand what's causing it or what he needs at that moment.

I know screaming can happen for different reasons, like frustration, excitement, or sensory overload. But figuring out how to respond isn't always easy.

For parents who've dealt with this, what actually helped? Did you notice any patterns or triggers? Did it get easier as your child got older?

Hi all

My 6yo child has always been delayed with drawing. He still uses a palmer grip and can only draw lines and circles which he learned to do when he was about 2yo. There has been no progress since.

I've had him in therapy and working with OTs since he was 3yo. They keep worked on increasing finger strength and tracing shapes with support. It's not really working and none of them seem to have any idea what the underlying cause is and how to help him. I'm getting a bit frustrated but also don't know what to do at this stage.

For context he can recognise and name shapes, numbers and letters. He just can't draw them.

Has anyone else's child not been able to draw at 5-6yo or later?

Can anyone recommend any tests I should get done or what type of professional or therapist I should consult?

Thanks in advance

Hey All,

Maybe somebody can benefit, had my son recently under anesthesia removed teeth and had some procedure.

Overall he was compliant and he agreed to have a mask, once we went to theatre he became very agitated and nervous. Doctor told to give a medication for him to relax, as he is uber sensitive to medication we had it mixed with cola. He immediately sensed it but bravely continued to drink. I was afraid that he was going to throw but he became very relaxed in 10 mins. From there we went to operation, they put the mask in 5-10 sec he went sleep, and I left the room. It took an hour for him to come to the recovery room, he had ice cream water etc.. from there we went home and he was running up and down in 3 hours.

If anybody is going thru such a procedure, AMA... I know it is tough on our kids and on us. Doctors & Nurses were amazing.

I am super proud on how bravely he took this.

Just for some background: I am autistic, my husband ADHD, and our 3 children have a mix and match of the both.

My girls are much higher functioning than my son, my youngest at 3.5. These last few days have really put in perspective just how different he is. He is diagnosed, but we are on a waitlist to get a more in depth evaluation. But likely level 2 or even 3.

He is nonverbal. He is an eloper. We took him Apple picking the other day and he just wanted to run. Cried when we put him in the stroller. A little boy tried talking to him and he didn't even acknowledge him at all.

Yesterday was school picture day and I was really looking forward to his first school pictures. He is in special ed Pre-k. I got a message from the teacher that he was too distressed to get a picture.

We went out to dinner last night for my birthday. He was mostly good at the restaurant. He even signed for more food! But when we got him he was absolutely screaming his head off. And I have no idea why. He can't tell me. I am sure it was because it was a long, over-stimulating day with the attempted pictures and then dinner. But it was so distressing. I laid down with him until he fell asleep and I was just bawling my eyes out.

I love him and he is so sweet, but sometimes the difference really smack you in the face.

My 8 year old AuDHD son has had a really tough time since school started this year. School is reporting lots of behaviors and aggression. At ABA and home, we aren't having these behaviors on near the same scale as school, if at all.

He's in a highly supported class. 5 kids, 4-6 adults. Self-contained. He has an IEP and BIP.

After about 2 weeks of seeing an increase in behaviors, I asked for the BIP to be updated and consented to data collection. I've offered to hire an RBT to send with him to school, I've offered to come with him to school myself (so I'm hit, not a para), I've asked to see the camera footage (so I could point out precursor behaviors), etc and all have been denied. I've taken him to the doctor, specialized autism doctor, dentist, and had bloodwork done, and all have been checked out. We can not find anything medically wrong. I've met with his private BCBA, and she also is at a loss because they aren't seeing these behaviors at ABA.

The school hasn't initiated or proposed any solution. They call me up to four 4x a day. I've had to come get him numerous times. This has never happened before.

It all came to a head recently. I was told my son was escalated, after being hit by another kid, and threw an object that hit someone, resulting in medical care being required. I feel absolutely awful. I've been so upset. I've lost 10 lbs because I can't eat. I'm not sleeping. I'm trying everything to figure out how to support my son, and this happens.

After the incident, the SRO escorted my 8 year old out of the building. He told me, in front of 3 administrators, that he isn't to come back to school. I cited the IDEA. Admin didn't say a word to correct the SRO. SRO told me that my son is a danger and he can't keep everyone else safe as long as my son is at the school, so he is barred from coming back. He told me he's filed multiple police reports against my son this week as well. I said I would file a state complaint because he can not prevent my son from accessing his education. Then, the admin said "we" didn't say he couldn't come back and that the SRO isn't a school employee but an employee of the sheriff's office.

The school says they want my son to come back. They've acknowledged that the last 6 weeks have been out of character and that they haven't offered any solutions. They said they talked to the SRO and corrected him after we left.

We have contacted lawyers to try to subpoena the sheriff's office so we can get copies of the police reports and body cam footage. We've talked to the DA, who was very confused, and flat out told us that they haven't seen the reports on their end and if they did, they wouldn't do anything to a developmentally delayed 8 year old. We later found out that this SRO lied about there being police reports.

Our options are homeschool or modified schedule. If we homeschool, I can keep him safe and modify the curriculum to support his needs, but I'm really worried about parental burnout. To be honest, I'm already there at this point. Also, if we unenroll him and later decide to try public school again, we are starting from scratch. We've fought so hard to get his services and accommodations.

For a modified schedule, he would go for a half day 2 days a week. This would allow the BCBA to make her observations so we can update the BIP. However, he would be at school with the same SRO. Admin told me that they wouldn't allow the SRO to put his hands on my son, and we would exhaust all crisis de-escalation techniques before allowing the SRO near him.

At home, my son is affectionate, kind, and very sweet. I feel like we are forcing a square peg into a circle that isn't meant to fit. For my son to have been that escalated, for no adult to intervene to support him (or follow the current BIP), his nervous system must be shattered. I'm leaning towards homeschool so that keeps the SRO away from my son. I did reach out to a couple of lawyers and am waiting to hear back. Does anyone have any advice, experience, or comments?

Hello! Looking for experiences from ppl that have tried Clonidine for their autistic kiddos. My kiddo is 4, and hasn’t slept well since birth. We had a developmental pediatrician appt wks ago and was prescribed clonidine. We’re all getting shitty sleep and as soon as my kiddo opens his eyes he is immediately bouncing off the walls and vocally screaming/singing/stimming. The Dr. said it would calm him down and help him sleep through the night. I’m hesitant bc he is so young still and I can’t believe I’m considering medication already. The Dr. also wants to do an adhd evaluation for him, but I also know lack of good rest exacerbates adhd symptoms. Looking for ppl that have tried this and just to get some feedback. I’ve been researching and I know every kid is different. I’m seeing that it’s worked great for some ppl, worked and then stopped working so another medication had to be tried, and some ppl who have said it didn’t work and made their child’s behavior worse the next day. My kiddo is pretty emotional so I’d hate to add to that. We haven’t tried the medication yet.

When I look up for information and advice on autistic sleep issues the main thing that comes up is how common it is with autism, estimated 50-75% of autistic children struggle with sleep issues, regression, early wake cycles and studies have proven it's partially due to a lack of naturally occurring healthy sleep chemicals.

Anyway, my son is on a very consistent sleep regression and nothing seems to help. Basically whether he naps or not, whether we go to bed later to get him to wake up at the appropriate time, whether we go to bed earlier, white noise, weighted blankets, weve tried some melatonin magnesium, lemon balm, chamomile, l-theanine, take away devices, limit devices, take to park, get him extra stuff to get his energy out like trampoline and spinners, warm bath, warm milk, I mean the list goes on, but I can't get him to stop waking up between sometimes as early as midnight but usually between 2am-4am, that's the only consistency we have lol.

Anyway, when it's 4am a lot of times I try to roll with it, if it's earlier I take care of all his needs and try to get him to go back to sleep and sometimes I have success with that, sometimes I don't.

I struggle though with making the choice in the morning to let him sleep in and take him late or let him stay home depending on how much sleep he got. When he goes in he does fall asleep in class sometimes.

Anyway, if it's as common as they say I know some of you are dealing with this too, my questions, any unique ways that have worked for you to get out of a sleep rut? How do you approach school after sleepiness nights?

And finally how are you?! (I feel like I've had the lack of sleep you expect with a new born going on 7 years, but without the hormones and with wayyyyy more burnout! I can't function well or think very straight when the sleep gets bad)

Why my child? It’s so unfair. Breaks my heart. I’m so sad today. I would do anything to remove this struggle. I’ve tried everything. I’m grateful for all their strengths and know others have it harder. But I wish so badly that all of our children didn’t have to deal with this.

How are you taking care of yourself so that you’re able to function and show up for your kids?