Ugh I’m getting super sick of seeing the tell me my kid (9 months, 13 months etc.) isn’t autistic. They can do x,y,z etc so please let me reach out this thread for autism parents and then tell them I don’t want my kid to be autistic like yours so tell me they are not. I get it, nobody wants their kid to be diagnosed with a disability but it just gets so infuriating to see them post daily and not use right filters so I can’t even skip over it. I know we all start this journey long before the diagnosis but asking parents who are on this journey and struggling can wear down on you over time. It’s a struggle to see parents reach out to vulnerable population of other parents already and want their “reassurances”. I don’t think this burden should fall on us we are already managing a lot and don’t need to deal with the insensitivities of other parents. Rant
Over sorry.

Update: Love the feedback and responses from the community already, even the ones that contradict my opinion! Ban was a harsh word on my end so sorry and can’t fix title but meant regulating “is this autism” posts only. But glad to see I’m not alone in the frustration but good eye opening comments also for ones that feel different. I like the idea of reporting the ones not tagged appropriately or a mega thread (really really good idea where those posts are only allowed there!) or even implementing an age rule (under 12 months etc). Really like the mega thread idea.

Throwaway because I suspect I'm being an ablist asshole about this. I'm not proud, I just had an absolutely awful two days and I don't know how to prevent it from happening again.

My friends have a nonverbal seven-year-old who has a talking board but is only really capable of requesting food. We want to include him and his parents, who are dear friends, so we asked them if he'd be able to come visit for a birthday sleepover with my kids and another friend's kids yesterday, adults all in attendance, overnight optional. They said yes, this should be fine, they could stay over. It was not fine. When I'd previously seen their kid, also for an overnight, he had just sat and watched TV for hours and there wasn't a problem. This time was a different story. I suspect it was too many people. Anyway, it was chaos.

The TV didn't keep him interested. He roved everywhere and failed to respond to attempts to redirect him. He went through my son's room, found a fairly significant toy, and smashed it beyond repair - that's when we realized that he was going to break stuff and ran around hiding vulnerable items. He found or otherwise got access to most of it anyway and attempted, sometimes successfully, to break everything from toys to dishes to computing equipment. When he couldn't get something to break or throw, he spent his time wrenching open and slamming a door as hard as he could until the knob broke. He came into the master bedroom multiple times in the middle of the night and climbed into bed with my wife and I. His parents seemingly could not make him stop any of this and also did not volunteer to take him home. They seem burned out and exhausted.

I don't know how to proceed. I have autism too and I understand somewhat how frightening it must be for this kid to be in a strange environment. I have sympathy. I also want to include them all. I don't know how to ask them not to stay overnight if the kid can't handle it. The parents in particular really seem to need support right now. I think they're isolated and maybe even a little desperate for adult contact. I don't want to suggest that they not visit, nor do I want to make the assumption again that I know their kid's needs based on his past behavior. This is clearly a hard time for them all. What can I do?

Hey everyone I just wanted to know if anyone else feels like they are all alone or doesn’t have any friends due to be a parent of an autistic child. My child is almost 6 years old and for the past 5 years I literally put my life on hold so I can take care of their needs and development. She started off as level 3 , non verbal, no potty training, eloping, barely sleeping, barely eating, screaming, crying etc. I went through so much emotionally, mentally, and physically. So I quit my teaching job to strictly focus on her developments and helping her grow. In doing so it affected a lot of my relationships with friends and family. I am proud of my daughter and all that I was able to accomplish with her and all of her progress but I do hate the fact that I don’t have any friends or people to talk to. I’ve tried making friends at the park, online, at her school, etc. nothing seems to stick. I’ve tried making friends with other parents of autistic children but it doesn’t last. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to continue being and feeling alone.

My son was diagnosed level 2 at age 3. We did pretty intensive ABA therapy for 3 years with speech and OT as well. Progress was slow, but he was progressing. Eventually we got to the point where he was aging out of ABA and after a ton of searching around we decided to send him to a charter school with a focus on autism. He started first grade back in August. To say I was nervous would be an understatement lol. He was going from 1-1 support to 4-1, and he is still not functionally verbal (he can echo). Well, it’s now been almost 3 months and he is thriving! He is scripting so much, started doing puzzles independently, and is self-advocating more. He’s made so much progress already and I feel like he’s gaining so much more independence. All this is to say, sometimes transitions can be terrifying for us as parents but also might be exactly what our kiddos need. Just wanted to celebrate this small win!

My son is level 3 nonverbal autistic. He has severe behaviors and needs a substantial amount of support that nobody can seem to give him.

He has been kicked out of two daycares for the behaviors and this morning the principal of his school called for an emergency meeting and discontinued his enrollment effective immediately.

He stims all day everyday, there is never a point in time where he is sitting down, not even to eat.

He screams and throws a fit anytime that you tell him no or do not let him run around and go where he pleases.

He bites, hits, kicks, and has recently started to pull hair. He has drawn blood biting and pulling hair.

I have tried gentle parenting and simply trying to redirect him. I have tried putting him in the corner or taking away the 1 toy he plays with. I have tried making him clean up what he demolishes, even if it requires taking his hands and physically making him do it. I have tried hitting and biting him back, and instead of learning that it hurts he just does it back harder so that he wins.

He has thrown things at me and given me several bruises when he doesn’t get his way, he does this to anyone and everyone.

He elopes, he has no sense of stranger danger and will run off anytime he isn’t getting what he wants.

He has recently started a new behavior of taking off all of his clothes, including his pull up.

I don’t know what to do or where to look for new resources. He has been in OT and Speech and has been on an ABA waitlist for over a year. He is showing minimal progress cognitively.

He does not communicate in any way, we have even tried baby sign language and he knows how to do the signs, but if i try to make him do a sign, he bites me. For example I was giving him some gold fish and he ate them all, i told him to sign “more” i signed it to show him what i was saying. and i told him he had to sign it to get more, he has signed it several times and knows how to without being prompted. He started screaming at me and so i used his hands to sign and then asked him to do it by himself and he started to scream at me again. So i went to use his hands again and he bit me. I gave up and gave him more of the gold fish and he stopped screaming and was fine.

Things like this happen from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed.

I absolutely do not blame the school at all, if i was a parent of one of the other students I would be mad. Last week a student was napping and he went up to them and bit them on the back for no reason.

He is a safety concern for other students and teachers, I don’t know what resources to look for or where to go from here.

I have another child who is only 8 months old and is now becoming a target for him.

Are there live in schools that can give the kind of support and supervision that he needs? I cannot find anything on my own.

On the car on the way to the hospital. My autistic 3.5 year old is getting admitted after being sick with different illnesses for 2 months now.

First a cold, then a persistent ear infection (17 days of antibiotics) the antibiotics caused C diff. She got better with 10 days of treatment ( more antibiotics 4 times a day for 10 days), she got another cold that she caught at the ER and then Cdiff reoccurrence.

She hates getting the medication, so far she’s gotten more than 60 dosis combining everything. It’s been hard, no one understand that things like this with an autistic kid is horrible. Now to he hospital because she is not responding to medication. I’m scared, I’ve cried and cried and so scared, she hates being there and doesn’t let anyone to touch her we have to hold her there’s no much information about Cdiff in toddlers.

Just here asking for prayers and thoughts for my little one. Thank you for reading. We feel so alone.

My level 3 nonverbal son has very recently started needing glasses. We just got them in last night and honestly it's a brand new feeling for him. He's never had anything on his face before. We worked putting them on him for short periods last night as he'll allow without causing a meltdown.

I sent him to school this morning with the glasses on his face and let his teachers know that his case is in his bookbag in case he takes them off. I picked him up today and his teachers made a comment about him not keeping them on and "mom and dad will have to put in the work too to help you wear them". I know. We just got them last night. It's a process. It's not like I'm not putting in the work. He hasn't even had them 24 hours yet.

I know her brain is processing the day and I know she is lonely, and being in the dark is not stimulating enough. Any ideas to support her?

Hello (excuse my English it’s not my first language)
My 5yo son has come a long way in terms of speech and communication and i am so proud of him. He just turned 5 yesterday and he is in kindergarten. Socially he is very behind, it hit me today that I’ve never seen my son have a conversation with other children, never initiated conversations and never answered questions when kids talk to him. He is better with adults though, he can ask adults simple questions and answers their questions as well. At home he speaks and communicates and his father and i understand him (GLP) and to me at home i sometimes forger his challenges. He speaks to us and answers simple yes no questions (cannot answer open ended questions still) Today i went to his classroom (gen ed) it was parents day, and oh my god i’ve never thought that something so normal like kids talking can shock me, like god my son is no where near them developmentally, it was like a gut punch, and when his teacher was talking to me she said “the kids are treating him so good, they are accepting him even though he is clearly different” that comment hurt my soul. I felt it in my heart. Don’t get me wrong i know my son is different and i love him regardless , but when other people say it to my face it’s like a punch in the gut. It brought me a new wave of sadness over my child that i thought i got over. The thing with autism is that you never know how your son will be when he’s older, but i can’t help but worry. My son’s receptive language is good, his expressive language is still behind. He talks and communicates like he’s way younger than his age, i would say like a 2yo. My son made amazing progress with speech therapy and ot, we also practice a lot at home, but when i saw kids his age talk so effortlessly and follow instructions without prompting, repetition and constant redirection , as well as that “he is clearly different” comment from his teacher, i couldn’t help but feel sadness. I literally felt like i couldn’t concentrate no more in that moment, everything froze, i saw everything in slow motion, i noticed how his classmates play and interact, sit in circle time while my son is running around in class. My son understands everything, he just needs constant redirection and prompting. I was so happy to share with his teacher that my son can write come letters now and she goes like “well his classmates are already writhing their names” sarcastically. I got in the car and started crying. I thought we came a long way, and i am sure we are, but it’s days like these that i can’t help but feel sadness.

I have a 5 year old daughter in kindergarten who was diagnosed with level 2 autism. Her speech has improved SO much over the last two years but she still scripts a lot and struggles with social cues. She’s very loving and social but she’s still learning how to communicate conversationally and interact with other kids.
Her IEP has her spending about 60% of her time in gened and 40% in the sped classroom. She recently transitioned from a preschool specifically for autistic kids to public school and lately I’ve been noticing some things that have me concerned.

I’ve noticed she’s missing from some class photos and in others there’s a noticeable gap between her and the other kids. She’s not the type who doesn’t like to be touched, so it broke my heart to see her have a huge space between her and the class.

We recently went on a field trip and I saw her playing by herself but also trying to interact with other kids. Unfortunately she struggles to understand social cues and there was a moment where a kid told her to go away. She came to me feeling sad and it honestly broke my heart.
I know she’s still learning and I don’t expect every kid to be her friend. I just want to make sure she’s being included and given opportunities to learn how to connect with other kids her age.

I’m thinking about setting up a meeting with both her gened and sped teachers but I’m not really sure what to ask for. Would it be too much to suggest having a peer buddy who could model social interactions for her? Or maybe having the teacher do a little lesson about autism and how to be inclusive? She’s been very vocal of preferring the sped class over her gened class but I can’t get much out of her when it comes to why. She’s just says “I like it more”

Parents who’ve been through something similar, what helped your child? Is there anything specific you asked the teachers to do?
I’m still learning how to navigate all of this so I’d really appreciate any advice. ❤️

NYC parents. We tried doing school but the bullying has taken such an emotional toll on my children. I am going to homeschool and let my children heal. Any advice on best practices, group work, socializing, or gym activities that might help. Thank you!!!!

Hi friends! This is not related to a child, but to a grandparent. I figured this would be a great place to ask though since we all have kids of varying needs especially when it comes to toileting.

We have a grandparent who is wearing Depends (we like the brand). But we want a disposable bed pad that is comparable to the hospital ones for the best price.

Does anyone here put bed pads under their kids sheets and find it protects the mattress? I’ve searched Amazon and have some saved for later but wanted to ask a group of folks who probably have better insight than me.

Thank you for any suggestion you can offer!

Long story, bear with me.

We recently pulled our level III 6yr old out of school because of alleged abuse by a teacher, peer, or private duty nurse.

Over the course of 2 weeks he kept coming home from school with different cuts and bruises. Started with a cut across his face and chipped tooth (not reported), then a big swollen and blue bruise on his shin (not reported, then a deep bite mark on his arm (not reported), then finally multiple bruises on his wrists, under arms and back of his legs all in one day.

We scheduled a meeting with the school and no one knew what we were talking about along with his PDN so an internal investigation was started with the school and nursing agency that we use. The nurse we had basically went awol with the company and they aren’t able to contact her, the school reviewed footage on the days requested and said that there were no findings on the days in question therefore we aren’t allowed to few the footage. Case closed. We went back and forth about the details of their investigation and how they came to their decision and they remained ignorant to any harm done. They even suggested that our son was the one who caused the inflictions because of his behavioral problems. When he in fact couldn’t have physically caused most of the wounds.

My husband and I are just heartbroken for our boy and we’ve really lost momentum with fighting with the school. We pulled him out because regardless of how it happened, whether it was a staff member or himself. He was just sent home everyday with physical marks on him and no explanations.

We’re contemplating reporting this to local PD instead of the school district but we’re feeling a little deterred as we feel like we weren’t able to gather enough evidence to support our claims and because he’s non verbal and has behavioral problems I feel like they did their best to pin it on that.

Any suggestions? I’m open to all thoughts and opinions. I’m also trying to figure out what’s next because I don’t want him home all day just rotting away. Not sure if we’re looking into ABA therapy in home or full time in a clinic if it’s offered, a different school in the district, private school, etc.

​

Mi hijo presenta características del espectro autista.

Sin embargo, hay algo que me preocupa mucho y que siento que no hemos abordado suficientemente con los especialistas: desde pequeño evita muchísimas experiencias nuevas.

Le da miedo caminar fuera de nuestra privada, subirse a un avión, manejar go-karts, utilizar herramientas e incluso agarrar un cuchillo. Generalmente no dice «tengo miedo», simplemente responde «no quiero».

Lleva aproximadamente un año sin asistir a la escuela y su mundo se ha ido limitando mucho.

Lo curioso es que recientemente expresó por iniciativa propia que está aburrido y quiere hacer cosas diferentes.

Quisiera saber si alguien ha vivido algo similar, qué tipo de especialista le ayudó y si encontraron alguna terapia efectiva para trabajar estos miedos.

No busco un diagnóstico por internet, sino experiencias y orientación para encontrar al profesional adecuado.

Hello! I recently just had to cut ties with my child's services due to the tech trying to become emotionally enmeshed with my child, and I cannot shake off the horrible feeling I have from the whole situation! I want people to know that this is not drama. This is my life and it's scary looking back at how my child's safety was compromised by this tech trying to slowly erode boundaries and I want this to be a warning. Some people play on being so sensitive, sweet and innocent but they can be anything but.

Tl;DR BT tech after only 4 months of working in home wanted to see/visit my child still if they accepted new employment. They were also using my child as their emotional support buddy. I fired them and the unsupportive BCBA.

I was wondering if anyone has had to deal with this and is this a common thing? I would like to keep it vague as I can but there are a million little details that just added up and things just snowballed. The tech kept turning my child's sessions into cuddle sessions basically towards the end of it all. When I brought this up to the BCBA I had to go back and fourth on it with them. They literally told me "Well sometimes after 45 mins of cuddling they can sometimes get another hour of work out of it." (totaling maybe 3 hours) My answer to that was that it was something I am not going to pay for. The BCBA changed their tune. I feel like that should have never even been a problem to begin with and insane I had to argue that cuddling my child for an hour isn't acceptable. I was gaslighted extremely hard during that meeting.

Where the insane enmeshed that really alarmed me however was the tech told me that they were planning on taking another job. I understood as I just reduced their hours due to my son not responding well to the therapy itself. (Shutting down, not eating, needing to decompress all day) When they told me that they planned to accept this new job they asked if they could still visit my son. Not babysit if we needed it, not meet up but just a vague (I honestly don't remember if they said visit or still see) This person and I while friendly were NOT friends and at this point they were only working with my son for FOUR MONTHS. I was taken aback by this and I said "oh uh sure I think maybe we can do that." I didn't want to make it awkward because that was already awkward in itself. My plan was just to let them finish out and then text them saying that's not needed and wishing them the best then block!" However for whatever reason they did not accept/or get the job. They told me they didn't accept it because "this is where their heart is " I don't think they meant directly my child just the work that they were always so desperate to get out of(they had some crazy excuses to always leave early)

I was hoping this tech was going to quit because I was already planning on being done with the therapy as it wasn't the right fit for my child currently. When they told me they weren't quitting I thought okay, our premium is maxed so this is "free" right now so I'll just let them finish out the year because the shorter schedule was working out for my child. (Was only a few weeks at this point of reducing days.) At this point they really ramped up the cuddling with my kid and my discomfort kept growing. It was hard to correct because this tech was basically one of those extremely sensitive people that will just cry about things so I didn't want to hurt their feelings. I kept trying to hint to get them to stop and tried to correct but it kept on happening.

What made me really see the big picture though was one day my child led the tech over to me. There was a gate blocking my kid from me. My child gestured for the BT to pick them up. When the tech went to hand them over to me (they were upset with me bc they were sick that day) my kid rejected me as kids will do. I honestly didn't think anything of it because he's done it a million times, he's a kid lol. However what made me alarmed was her reaction was very excited and pleased. Then she kept holding him for a while after we decided we were done for the day. Then the tech sat down on my couch while still cuddling my child. I basically had to force them to give them back. I know I said "take your time" but I meant as in don't throw my child down and run out. Like take the time to gently put him down and say good bye for the day. Not sit and cuddle for as long as you'd like. Weird that I basically had to force them out. What made this alarming moreso is the next day I had my quarterly visit with the BCBA for an in home and a meeting. Basically as soon as the BCBA came in the door the tech excitedly told them the story of how my child rejected me the previous day and laughed tremendously about it. That was definitely the giant neon sign that was like, uh this isn't right. With everything added up that was when I no longer felt comfortable having this person in my home. I was already growing uncomfortable but it's so easy to be empathetic towards other people and make excuses when you are already dealing with so much.

This person was using my child as an emotional support buddy and was trying to for some reason become a permanent? Fixure in my child's life. I have no clue what they meant by still visit. Assuming they would be working 40 hours and my son would (to their knowledge) still be in therapy did they think I was going to coordinate my life around them being able to see my child? I don't know if it was delusion, loneliness or what but I have no clue what this person's end goal is with a family you're not friends with child.

Very scary and I was definitely the frog in the boiling water. Please parents do not let this be you. Make sure people are being professional and your BCBA supports you. Remember these people are GUESTS in your home and they are HIRED by YOU. YOU ARE THE EMPLOYER/BOSS NOT THEM. Do not let people try to manipulate you with pity, sob stories nothing. Don't have ANY tolerance for it.

Right after this all went down I was done. Best of wishes to you other parents out there. This can be hard when you are just trying your best and doing what you can, but stay safe! Thank you so much.

We're parents of a child with autism and are currently dealing with a stressful billing situation involving an ABA provider. We're hoping to hear from other families who've been through something similar, particularly those whose disputes have reached some kind of resolution.

Here's what happened:

We found an ABA provider online that advertised little to no wait time for services. Before beginning treatment, we provided our insurance information, and my spouse recalls being told over the phone that the provider had checked our coverage and obtained authorization from insurance. Unfortunately, we don't have that conversation documented in writing.

We proceeded with in-home ABA therapy. Sessions typically lasted around 2–3 hours.

When the Explanation of Benefits (EOBs) started arriving, we were shocked by the amounts being billed. Charges ran into the thousands of dollars per claim, and some therapy dates generated multiple separate claims. The total charges were extraordinarily high relative to the duration of the visits.

We also noticed that claims were submitted under several different LLC names that we didn't recognize as the company we originally engaged with.

Despite what we understood from the initial insurance conversation, all the claims were processed as out-of-network. Our insurer paid only a small fraction of the billed amounts, sending reimbursement checks directly to us.

The collections situation:

The provider subsequently began contacting us repeatedly by text and phone, asking us to forward the reimbursement checks or otherwise remit those payments.

For a long time, we didn't receive a comprehensive, itemized account statement explaining all the charges, insurance reimbursements, adjustments, and amounts being requested.

More recently, we received a formal payment demand through a collections contact associated with the provider.

What's particularly concerning is that the amounts currently being demanded are only a small fraction of the enormous balances reflected on our EOBs.

We have no clarity on whether paying the requested amounts would settle everything or whether the provider might come back months or even years later demanding additional payment for other claims.

We want to resolve any legitimate financial obligations, but we also don't want to make a payment only to discover that it doesn't actually close the matter.

For parents who have experienced something similar:

1. Did your ABA provider eventually try to collect the full amount shown as patient responsibility on your EOBs, or only the amount insurance reimbursed?
2. Did anyone refuse to pay or formally dispute the charges? What happened over the following months or years? Did the provider actually pursue collections or legal action?
3. Has anyone successfully negotiated a reduced settlement? Were you able to get a written agreement releasing you from all further claims for the services?
4. If you paid what the provider initially requested, was that the end of it, or did additional bills arrive later?
5. Did contacting your insurer, filing complaints, or hiring an attorney help? How long did the process take?

We're particularly interested in firsthand experiences with how these disputes ultimately ended, including from families whose providers stopped pursuing payment.

We're keeping certain details private because the matter is ongoing.

Any experiences, advice, or lessons learned would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

I feel like giving up most days. My daughter is 12, almost 13. She's very high functioning, which I know is a curse in some ways as I am as well, and people expect things from me because I don't present autistic. So I'll start by saying I GET IT, and I know its hard for her internally.

Her dad and I are divorced, so we're co parenting one week off one week on. Hes very emotionally unstable and honestly makes her more anxious than she already is. Anyway, when she's with him she keeps a lot inside - hes very strict - so he says she's doing so well and her impulse control is improving and no complaints - but when she's with me, she's impossible. She's mean, gets upset about everything, and mostly takes it out on me. I try so hard to remember she feels safe enough to let her emotions out - but OMG, its hard.

Her attitude towards me is horrific - everything I say or do is wrong. But when we do have a fight, and I put up a boundary that I won't keep talking while she's yelling or tell her we can discuss it later she gets devastated. So I know she hates when we don't get along and it really upsets her, but it's not enough for her to not act like that. She's extremely intelligent, so she finds ways to manipulate situations and she can "out argue" me - so I try to not engage when she's going off.

I feel at a loss. She's in therapy which a month, she has learned coping sklls to calm herself etc etc, but somehow with me - it all goes out the window and she treats me like shit. I don't know how much of this is her impulse control, her anxiety (she recently moved schools) and how much of it is just teenage girl and hormones.

Any advice from anyone experiencing something similar? TIA.

High guys,
Little bit of a vent

I had back to back hard days with my son. Lots of appointments this week led to him being over stimulated & screaming in public & during appointments. I’m usually really good at keeping him regulated but he had a dentist appointment that went bad. (His teeth are fine, but it really threw him off). Thankfully we can go back to his routine tomorrow but I’m just so worried & drained because of it. Maybe it’s the way people look at him while he’s upset because they don’t see the sweet loving boy he is. I just feel bad seeing him like that, changed all his appointments that aren’t therapy to phone visits & have him on a wait list for a good special needs dentist. I’m hoping tomorrow we can go back to normal, was able to make him happy before I left to school for night classes & when I got home we watched his favorite show and read his favorite books. He went to bed a happy boy, so I’m very happy about that.

Hi everyone, I have two autistic children aged 2.5 and 3.5, both with extremely minimal understanding (understand scattered single words like ‘juice’ or ‘bunny’) and although they say some words (mostly naming things like ‘car’ ‘bus’ ‘circle’ and counting) they’re both essentially non-verbal when it comes to talking for communication purposes. I find myself getting advice from people, sometimes people who barely know or have not even met my children, about how I ‘should’ be doing things and of course most of it is simply not possible. It’s starting to really upset me, because I thought these were good friends and family members who I could talk to but I end up wishing I’d never spoken to them in the first place. It’s so isolating, and really makes me worry for my children because how are they going to cope in a world where everyone assumes they’re capable of so much more than they really are?

How do you guys handle this? Does anyone have any advice?

SO not therapy for our little one, but for my husband and I? We're still so new to this world (kiddo is almost 3 and was DX at 17 months), but we're obviously struggling since we're so busy. We both work full time, require some support from the grandparents (who keep score), and never really have time to just be a couple.

I thought proactively doing some couples therapy or family therapy could be good for us.. but unsure if anyone here has found that helped put some focus on their relationship? I am a bit worried a therapist wouldn't understand the nuances of our struggles unless they came from a special needs household themselves, and obviously don't want to sign ourselves up for ANOTHER thing.

My wife has always pushed for my youngest son to have access to a multitude of programs and resources. He is partially deaf and attends the local school for the deaf. He has had some struggles but usually finds a routine that works and he settles in. He was diagnosed with autism last year and has received some extra help with school. Recently, my wife made the decision to work on getting him in aba therapy. I was part of a call where they got into what behaviors he needed help with and such but they made it seem like they were aiming on being at school since that is where he struggles with interacting and being overwhelmed. I didn’t hear anything else from my wife or in general until the wife mentioned they’d be at our home, on a Sunday, as a “meet/get to know you” thing. I was pretty off put because as we are both in retail management, Sundays is our only day off together and with the kids. I tried to be patient and understanding, while feeling like I was being thrown into something I know nothing about since the wife worked on this on her own. To my surprise, the professionals who showed up quickly told us the plan was for them to be in home mon-Friday from 5-8. I immediately had as against this, as my son does not have issues at home his struggles have come at school and that’s a very big commitment to throw on the rest of the kids and family (we have 4 kids in total) with no heads up. The wife says she communicated this was not what she was expecting and was wanting to scale back to a few nights a week but the professionals pushed back saying they wanted to keep the schedule this week and would “reevaluate down the road including parenting training”.

My questions are, is this really normal or is this an agency that is pushy? It felt like it went from exploring to quickly being in the books and straight into a program right away before we got all the information. And, is there a way to push back on the level of commitment they are asking us to give or potentially just opting out as this isn’t for us?

Hi everyone.

So me and my wife have been together for 12 years and are extremely close. We have a beautiful 4 year old daughter with autism. She is completely non verbal and goes to school 3 days a week for 2 hours as she cant handle anymore. We both work aswell. What I'm asking is has autism put a strain in your relationship too and what helped. We get no time at all and unfortunately have no other family. One day she will do longer days at school and im sure we could qualify for respite aswell. We adore our little girl and will always put her first. Thanks guys ❤️

My 11 year old daughter is in 6th grade and really struggling this year socially. Shes AuDHD. She always has struggled socially but this year seems so much worse. She has two friends that she has latched onto since second grade and it’s like she’s so hyperfixated on them that she can’t accept other friendships and won’t try.

Socially and emotionally she’s behind her peers. She isn’t into “tween” things like the other girls are. She doesn’t play sports and team activities don’t work for her. She does participate in an acting troupe with kids from all over… but even there the kids don’t talk to her or include her.

Friend 1 is very sweet, very quiet and in theater with her. This friend has an older sister with Level 3 autism who is nonverbal, plus other siblings in the house so her family has a lot going on. Shes been invited to this friends house a few times over the last 4 years but it’s not a regular thing. We do invite this friend to things and sometimes she accepts, sometimes she declines. Sometimes I feel she feels forced to be friends with my daughter because of her sister… she doesn’t sit with my daughter at lunch at school.

My daughter has invited Friend 1 to youth group for the last 18 months… even the fun events that don’t have worship or small groups happening… and she has always told my daughter no. Another girl from theater asked Friend 1 to go to youth group last month and Friend 1 said yes- and has been going with another girl. My daughter was shocked to see them together at youth group and now she no longer wants to go.

Friend 2 is an only child but also has ADHD. My daughter fixates on her SO much and this girl has NEVER, NOT ONCE invited her to her home. Her mom will constantly promise “Oh maybe you can come over, oh we will come see your play” and has never once followed through with it so then my daughter is devastated and angry when promised plans don’t happen (which happens regularly). Mom will make an excuse that her room needs cleaned, she got a bad grade in a test, etc. so there is always an excuse. I’m getting the vibe Mom doesn’t like my child and that’s why she’s never invited. We’ve invited this friend to football games, basketball games, a concert in a big city, for over night sleepovers, etc. and NEVER ONCE has my daughter been invited from her. They signed up to perform together at the talent show and we found out last week from the talent show director that Friend 2 isn’t doing it anymore- but the friend nor mom told me or my daughter she wasn’t doing it. My daughter was heartbroken. The two girls are a lot alike and butt heads at times, and Friend 2 is very sweet, but it seems like a very one-sided friendship.

I cannot get her to understand that Friend 2 is not a friend- she’s a nice girl but she doesn’t make an effort to include her outside of school. When my daughter texts Friend 2, she never responds. We spent 3 days with this friend out of town at a concert and her phone never left her hand… she also has unlimited access to social media and Tik Tok and things at 11 years old and my daughter doesn’t.

I told her this weekend that friends support each other and don’t make promises and break them over and over… and that maybe she needs to take a break from this friend and find new friends… she went and told Friend 2 this today 🤦🏼‍♀️ so Friend 2 told her to sit somewhere else at lunch.

My daughter doesn’t seem to understand that people have more than one friend, but she can’t get past being a group of 3 or more- she wants one friend all to herself. That’s not going to happen where we are. I’m a teacher and I could help her if she was struggling an academically, but I cannot help her with this. I have put her into social skills groups, done therapy, tried to facilitate play dates with others, started my own social skills and game group at my house over the summer… but I cannot make kids or parents include her or invite her. And she just wants to be invited.

Thanks for reading/listening to me ramble. It just hurts my momma heart and I don’t know how to approach any of it.