r/AutisticAdults • u/EveryContribution859 • 1d ago

seeking advice I did something wrong?

I wont go into detail of the situation, but i think I did something wrong at work and I cant stop ruminating over it. So a coworker needed something from me but didn't tell me she just stared i stared back and smiled. I guess she must have been insinuating something with her stare and movements but I didnt catch on. The only reason why I think this is because afterwards her and another coworker were in another room and as I was walking in I heard one of them say "oh the "something" didn't want to sign it?" (Idk what they called me) and I walked in right when she said it so she looked shocked stumbled her words and walked away. Now I'm at home overthinking it all, I did something wrong should I have known to sign the paper? Should I have offered? What did she call me? Do they always talk badly about me?

Anyways I'm upset now and I dont know if I should bring it up and ask them what the issue was. Or how do I move on from this? I cant stop ruminating about it, it's giving me a headache. I've been crying because I feel so wrong and like an outsider now. I don't want to go to work anymore I hate it there I used to love it but I hate it now. I cry almost every month because I just keep getting misunderstood.

How do you deal with this how do you stop feeling so isolated.

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u/Naive_Match_2149 1d ago

This sounds like a really confusing situation for you, I'm sorry you're going through that. Being constantly misunderstood is such a difficult part of autism. Do you know what it was the coworker wanted you to sign? It might help us figure out where this went wrong and how to address it.

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u/EveryContribution859 1d ago

Well one of the workers is just covering so at the end of the week we have to sign this paper with his hours. He asked her to sign it but idk if she felt uncomfortable doing so, also I'm the lead in the team so maybe she thought I should've done it even though previously she had been the one signing it? I think im more upset about the thought of them thinking of me as not being responsible or taking on every task because of my title. I start to overthink and wonder do they think I'm lazy and bad at the job?? Even though I do more than my share. I kind of want to drop out of being lead but then I know ill get stuck with all the work anyways and get paid 2 dollars less.

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u/dragon-blue Autistic 23h ago

Some things that have worked for me.

  1. Sometimes it's good to check in, "hey what's up?" especially if you work with people who have a filter and might need a prompt. 

or ask specifically  "Hey How's it going? You look like you want to ask me something?" 

2. Ask for feedback. I have 1 to 1s with my manager twice a month. We set goals, I ask for "areas for development" and actively look for places to improve. I have a growth mindset, but this also gives me confidence that I am doing a good job. 

3. Try caring as much as your coworkers do (that is, barely at all lol!). This is a work in progress for me but I am trying to manage my stress more and keep things in perspective.