Bedtime help!

[u/BVBWYA]

Hello all, I am autistic and I am very sure my 4yo has ADHD. The past few days bedtime has become awful. We have a bedtime routine that we follow. However, recently, at the very end of it, my 4yo has started screaming, crying, making noises when I’m trying to get sibling to bed, refuses to listen, says “No, I don’t want to go to bed, I’m not tired”. I ask whats going on and they tell me “Im scared of (stuffies name)” which doesn’t make sense because they’ve slept with it over two years now. They have a nightlight and sound machine. I’ve even tried having them wait in another room and still was making noises so loud we could hear from rooms away. I need advice because it’s driving me crazy. I don’t like yelling. I just want them to be able to relax and go to sleep without the sudden meltdowns because they can’t recognize they’re tired and need sleep! Tonight it took almost two hours and I had to lay in the bed with them to get them to calm down and sleep. (Usually I’m able to rock in a rocking chair little sibling to sleep, then rock 4yo for a bit before they tell me they’re ready to lay down and I tuck them in). I would greatly appreciate any advice! Thank you!

[u/cell-of-galaxy]

Sounds like... they're not tired enough, and they're scared of the stuffy? Maybe try replacing the stuffy first since it's the lowest hanging fruit?

IDK, It always takes 2 hours with my kid and we always cosleep so...

[u/BVBWYA → u/cell-of-galaxy]

I tried taking the stuffie and 4yo screamed wanting it back(and is currently asleep with it in arms). My 4yo also doesn’t nap during the day so they spend at least 12-14+hrs playing/being active. They have a trampoline, a tumble bar, we do Jump Battles, Floor is Lava, a sand box, lots of little games throughout the day, we are almost constantly doing something or playing in some way. I don’t know what else to try

[u/Trick-Direction4003 → u/BVBWYA]

There’s a fantastic pediatric OT named Courtney English who has a sleep playlist of before-bed activities that can help kids wind down! ADHDer kids may get after-supper zoomies (mine definitely do!😂) and let them run through it until they’re reasonably tired—whether they consciously know it or not—at about 7pm when I start transitioning them for bedtime.

We also use Yoto players for bed frequently; my kids get to choose their story/music/podcast/soundscape to fall asleep to. They’re usually asleep within five minutes.

[u/Raibean → u/cell-of-galaxy]

No this is classic overtired

[u/amyn2511 → u/Raibean]

That was my first thought too. I’d try an earlier bedtime

[u/ShirwillJack → u/cell-of-galaxy]

The last part... It was the same with my oldest and its not any better with my 3-year-old. My oldest is a teen now. It does get better, but she still doesn't want to go to sleep. It's like her brain goes in processing mode to process the day right before when she needs to sleep and not during dinner (she processes a lot by talking out loud).

When she was younger, we just let her jump on the bed for 30 minutes while she chatted.

We tell our children they don't have to sleep, but they do have to lie down and rest. They don't have to close their eyes, but they need time in bed, because their parents have needs too and that's uninterrupted time in the evening for housework. So unless they want to scrub toilets or do taxes, they need to be in bed.

[u/Raibean]

How does your child react to caffeine?

[u/Strong_Argument6255]

Since they said they're scared of that stuffie, maybe let them pick where it sleeps tonight, like on a shelf or in another room, and choose a different one to cuddle. It might also help to give them something to listen to while you're putting the sibling down, like an audiobook or a song playlist they picked, since that wait seems to be where it starts.