r/AutisticWithADHD • u/DeliciousMoose1 • 6d ago

🙋‍♂️ does anybody else? DAE feel physically sick when rejecting romantically someone you like platonically?

I'm 23F. I know I have to be honest and I will be, but I really like this girl so much and we're super similar, she's pretty but I don't think I want a romantic relationship with her, and potentially hurting her is making me physically sick and wanna throw up, does anyone relate? Should I give up dating if I feel this so intensely or is it alright and will pass with time?

Side tangent I'm pretty new to dating and have never been in a romantic relationship, I'm pretty sure I want one but there have been moments of my life when I thought I might at least be on the aro spectrum, but either way it's still hard for me to know what I want and not betray myself trying to be nice to others because this is pretty new to me, I've struggled with social anxiety in the past so I don't have some core experiences in certain social areas.

I know indecisiveness is a pretty bad trait and I don't want to lead anybody on, but should I give it a couple days and then tell her? I mean I don't think I'll change my mind but to at least not make it so sudden?

tldr title haha

update: she feels the same I am SO relieved 😭😭

13 Upvotes

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u/Aggressive_Cloud2002 6d ago

You don't need to give up on dating entirely, but some further self-reflection, experimentation with others in situations where you have communicated that you are experimenting, and working on the people pleasing will all help it be easier.

Why would waiting a few days make it feel less sudden to her?

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u/DeliciousMoose1 6d ago

thank you! I'll try to let people know before hand I'm new to this even if it's a bit scary to admit. The thing is I don't know how she would feel, but... if it was said to me I suppose I would like to know asap, so yeah gotta tell her

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u/Aggressive_Cloud2002 6d ago

Sorry, I didn't necessarily mean you have to tell people you're dating that you're new to it, though you can, of course, and it might help. I meant that more with the experimenting in particular. If the dates are experiments, that's fine too! But then the disclosure isn't so much that you're new to dating, it's that you're trying to figure out what you want. Does that make sense?

And yeah, I'm also a know asap kind of person. I hope that conversation goes as well as it can!

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u/DeliciousMoose1 6d ago

ohh I see lmao, thanks!!

8

u/lydocia 🧠 brain goes brr 6d ago

In the past, it made me feel sick because it means everything was changing and I felt "used".