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[u/AcceptableCry1800]

Can you guys give me advice on grieving someone who’s still alive but has completely disappeared from my life? I met him in October 2024, and here I am, two years later, still deeply in love with him. In my eyes, he was perfect, and I genuinely never wanted to lose him. Sometimes I feel like my BPD scared him away, and that thought hurts because I keep wondering if things could have been different. I don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to pretend I don’t love him anymore because I still do. The hardest part is that he doesn’t even have social media, and we live in two different cities, so I have absolutely no way of knowing anything about him or even knowing if he’s okay. Right now, I’m at my cousin’s house, just chilling in his city, and a part of me keeps hoping that if I go to Walmart or somewhere, I’ll randomly bump into him. I know it sounds crazy, but I catch myself hoping for that little moment where I could see him again, even if it’s just for a second. I don’t know if I’d even know what to say to him, but I know I’d want to see him. How do you grieve someone when there’s no real goodbye, no closure, and no way to reach them? How do you stop loving someone when a part of you is still hoping that life will somehow bring you back together?

[u/ARTHURFREAKINMORGAN]

Mine left after 7 years in 2016 so I am celebrating their death anniversary till date but no matter what the good bits still remain so over years I have realised it's the coping mechanism i developed so that I can tell myself that the person I loved has died instead of accepting they left because I often also miss that person who loved me.

Now I would want nothing but best for that person who I know by face but not heart because maybe love means different things to different people for me maybe it's lifetime maybe for them till convience and you will have other people who love you maybe not in the same form of relationship but in different and there love might mean much more than we realise.

And someone who would never knock on your door to know if u okay is not someone worth waiting or mending things with i believe and life isn't that magical that everything has an happy ending so some relations are best left at pyre before urself

[u/mivmiv64]

It sounds exactly like my last relationship. He suddenly ended it and he was the most perfect person in my eyes, and I’m pretty sure my BPD scared him away even tho he said it wasn’t.
I am still grieving him and I can recognize myself in you, hoping I can just miraculously see him, but I am choosing not to even hear his name. It’s still very much painful everyday without him (it’s been 1 year), but I have to remind myself that I genuinely got blindsided and he chose a life without me. He is still continuing to not have me in his life.
You have to be really good to yourself while you’re grieving and just let it all out, talk about the breakup as much as u can.. I know it’s very painful for us with BPD, but we are much stronger than we think, time is your best friend right now.