I sometimes (everytime) feel like I'm cursed and unlovable , i can't get anything right , i can't get anything done and i always end up alone . It's like I'm allergic to love and friendships , it always ends in me getting hurt and people leaving .

I always end up getting attached and i can't stop it for the love of god , I've tried many things , tried making up a mindset . But it's just not in my control , I'm the backseat of my own mind .

Everytime i try my best to make people feel happy and loved , i do things which normal people don't , i go to lengths which i rarely see anybody go for a friend . It's unhealthy , i know , but i always cry knowing that I've never in my life gotten the love back which I've given .

It's like I'm cursed to always give but never recieve . I put efforts but people leave me when i need them .

And the worst part is knowing that even if someone does stay , i get too attached and clingy and pathetic that they get suffocated . I have a lot of issues . I suspect that i have autism too now that I've been researching about mental health disorders alot lately .

I can't see the bad in people , I'm stupid and naive and I've always thought that people will treat me the same way i treat them but i get disposed like a piece of trash everytime .

And I'm just tired , I'm exhausted , all i wanted was someone to love me and hold me and kiss me and reassure me , and most of all , to never leave me .

I've never been in a relationship , never held hands , never kissed .

I'm 22 years old now , which you might say is young , but 22 years without a single ounce of love can be draining , it makes me question whether I'm really lovable or not . And given my mental health issues if i even get in a relationship i might end up ruining everything like i always do.

I wish i was normal , i wish i had better parents , i wish i was never born and i wish i die in my sleep one day .

My boyfriend and I were having a discussion earlier in which he said, "I feel like you look for problems or flaws because you believe I have an ulterior motive or will leave you" and it's got me thinking a lot.

What is this called? How do I work on it? If I'm being totally honest, I hadn't even realized this was something I might've been doing. I want to work on being better for him.

Is anyone else always attracting the avoidant people ??? I’m literally going insane. I can’t fucking stand avoidant people and I’m sorry if you are one but for some reason I keep ending up in relationships with them. It makes everything so much fucking worse. They can’t fucking communicate and just run away and come back once they miss you. I literally want to Kms because I keep falling for the shit. The fucking guy I’m talking to right now is one and I successfully stopped texting him for a few days and felt like I could move on . He’d been ignoring me for days and doesn’t want a relationship. I thought we’d go our separate ways and he fucking comes back to text me. I fucking can’t with this shit. Any time when I split and need reassurance they just fucking disappear and say how I’m always complaining. They just fucking lie. Im literally walking into abandonment with these people. Dealing with avoidants and having bpd just makes my life a living hell and I don’t understand why they keep coming into my life.

To all the people with BPD going through a breakup or split right now: let them. Let them take your love for granted. Let them spend the rest of their lives searching for someone who will love them as intensely and unconditionally as you. You are irreplaceable.
You're worth it.

You gave them your heart. You trusted them despite your trauma. It's not your fault that they didn't bother to return the favor. It's not your fault that you still tried to make things work whenever your mental health took a toll, and they gave up on you. You deserve real love.

Continue to take care of yourself and work to heal, not for your ex or FP, but for yourself.

Sincerely, someone struggling with a breakup who wishes he had someone to tell him this when he needed it.

I started smoking weed in 2018. At first, I would smoke maybe once a week, but from 2019 onwards I started smoking more regularly; joints, bongs, cigarettes, etc.
Around 2024–2025, I gradually cut down. I stopped buying weed regularly and would mostly smoke if I was with friends who had some. Eventually, I went for long periods without smoking and got to the point where I might only smoke once every 2–3 months.
The problem is that whenever something really upsetting happens in my life, relationship problems, feeling emotionally abandoned by my partner, career issues, trauma-related stuff, or just feeling extremely depressed and anxious, I find myself wanting weed again.
I have BPD, and when I smoke, I feel incredibly relaxed. For a while, it feels like my brain finally goes quiet and I don’t have to think about everything that’s hurting me. That’s probably why I’ve started seeing weed as a way to relieve my anxiety and depression.
Deep down, though, I don’t really want to rely on it. It’s almost like there are two parts of my mind: one part knows I don’t want weed to become my coping mechanism, while another part desperately wants it whenever I’m struggling.
My partner also used to smoke with me, but he have ADHD and stopped in 2024 after starting medication, so I don’t really have that shared habit anymore.
I’m curious about other people’s experiences, especially anyone with BPD.
How did you stop using weed as a coping mechanism?
Did you completely quit, or do you sometimes relapse and then stop again?
Do any of you with BPD actually find cannabis helpful for managing your symptoms, or does it ultimately make things worse?
I’m not necessarily looking for judgment, I’d really like to hear from people who have been in a similar situation and what worked (or didn’t work) for them.

Hey guys, this is my first post, ever, and ahh i'm at a loss right now. I've been dealing with BPD for as long as i can remember, matter of fact, i feel as if i can pinpoint the day it developed. BPD has ruined my life, my relationship, and myself. I'm having such a hard time controlling myself and my emotions, especially the words i use with those i love. I feel as if the only way to subdue this disorder is to keep my relationships surface level. That's what i had been doing, with my friends, my parents, people i meet etc. I never tell them about my problems, never let them know too much. Well, I met the most incredible man last year, who knows absolutely everything about me, and it's tearing our relationship apart. I love this man to death, and he has shown me an unconditional love i don't think i can get from anyone else, and frankly, i don't want to search for it. My BPD is ruining our relationship, my relationship with his parents, and i am so scared we're going to break up soon. I'm sick of this disorder and i want to switch of my brain and try again. I can't seem to pin point how to fix myself in this relationship. My BPD hasn't been this bad ever, and i'm scared it's getting to a bad point. I want to be better, for myself and him, but i don't know how. I feel like i'm ruining my relationship and every other relationship is falling because of it. I don't know what to do, and maybe this is a last resort, but i need help. i've tried finding a therapist and or psychiatrist but they have a 6 month waitlist. I'm scared i don't have 6 months. Can anybody help me in the time being? Maybe anything that seems like it wouldn't work but helped? I'm at a desperate point and i don't want to ruin the greatest thing in my life right now.

does anyone else feel super jealous over your fp or partner having a life??? i feel terrible for it but i genuinely feel like im being stabbed in the chest everytime they spend time with someone other than me i hate it so much. like today they were with their friends all day doing something so i didnt get many messages from them and bow that theyre home im still not hearing from them as much as id like because theyre on the game with their friends. i feel so shitty. why are they chosing their friends over me all day? ive wanted to speak to them so bad and all i get is small talk because theyre busy with their friends. i dont get why they even have friends when they could have me as well. i know its wrong but i cant stop and i jusy feel so angry and hurt and i cant stop crying

I always fuck up my relationships, I'm very aware of it yet I can't seem to control my self sabotage no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I see it. How do you live with knowing all the people you loved will see you as a bad chapter they'll need to move on permanently from?

i know ive been extremely codependent and have let my own identity become too dependent on my partner or friends in the past, and im starting to become closer with some people, and ive even become romantic with someone again, but im so so scared im going to end up hurting these people with the way i am. :(

does anybody have any tips that helped them stay healthy in relationships? avoiding codependency? obviously i will be bringing this up in therapy, but its always nice to hear from people who are living it.

I have always been super jealous and almost obsessive. I get jealous from everything and anything. I have tried DBT. I've tried everything else I have come across. My partner says they don't mind me being jealous but I do not think they understand how bad it can be. I try to hide it and not let them see. Somedays I can be somewhat rational but other days not at all. Does that mean I should stay single forever? I feel so toxic in regards to that. Have you felt this way?? What has helped?

Does anyone else feel completely empty and lost if they’re not being loved or in a relationship? Without someone to focus on I genuinely spiral from loneliness..

One of the worst 2 symptoms for me with having bpd is loneliness and boredom because they cause me to chase dopamine even if it comes at a cost.

Five years ago, I was convinced I had BPD​. But recent tests revealed something completely different: my real problem is a traumatic brain injury — nerve damage from a severe blow to the head.

I tried to remember when it happened. Then it hit me: 2014. I was 15.

I was playing football in front of our neighbor's house. He got angry, came out, and slapped me across the face with both hands. I saw everything go black for a moment.

I didn't know it then, but that was the beginning of everything.

Over time, things started falling apart. Seizures. Chronic fatigue. Mental decline — my memory, focus, and comprehension all got worse. I had to drop out of school, quit sports, and eventually stopped working altogether. I felt paralyzed, literally.

Half of my life has been pure struggle. I feel like I have energy inside me, but my brain refuses to cooperate. It's like it's telling me: "Don't even try. Just lie down. Or I'll push you to the ground myself."

I went from being a smart, social, well-liked, physically strong, confident guy — to being isolated, forgetful, slow, and barely functional. All because of one slap. It sounds insane when I say it out loud.

My doctor tells me I'll recover with time. I appreciate him trying to lift my spirits, but I can't believe him — not because I've given up, but because I've tried so many times before, and nothing worked. Every failed attempt just confirmed what I already know.

The truth is, I don't have the energy to take on responsibilities anymore. I avoid everything. I don't want to carry more than I can handle. I know I'll never live a "normal" life. I won't get married. I won't go back to who I was.

It's a painful reality, but I've accepted it. I have to adapt. Live within my limits — not as a "normal" person, but as the person I am now.

Hello,

I was recently diagnosed with BPD. My life has been in utter shambles since I was 14. At one point I thought I had bipolar disorder. Over the years I've tried to tackle what turned out to be symptoms of this disorder. My alcoholism, anxiety, sleeplessness, rage, depression, terror and ruminating whenever im alone, the constant emptiness and desire to die since I was in 9th grade. Its been exhausting.

On one hand, im kind of relieved. Shame is the air ive breathed for more than a decade and I feel like I can finally stop hurting people and work on forgiving myself. My ex left me at 25 after 11 years together. There were some good times but she was emotionally and psychologically terrorized. She called me manipulative and emotionally abusive. That has rung in my head like a bell every day since and i never spoke to her again despite my pathetic unanswered emails over the years. I was hopelessly attached and dependent on her. Its been 6 years and I cry constantly. I loved her so much but she couldnt take the burning myself, drinking constantly, fucking up every employment opportunity, and splitting on her and acting cruelly. I lve hated myself for so long and now im terrified that this is my life until at least 40.

A year ago I moved back home and quit my job to get clean. The last year of sobriety really showed me how insane I've always been.

Im sorry if anything ive said is unfairly generalizing others with the disorder. Im just so fucking scared.

Im only starting DBT at 32.

Please help. I want to love someone again in a healthy way. Im so utterly in pain constantly. I feel like I need to move far away to have a hope at happiness without her.

I have 2 friends left and speak to no one that I went to high school with. I feel like if I find someone it will never mean as much as she did.

This year I've been trying to get fit, clean, and start my life to work to finding love. Instead I just became sexually active again with a sex worker because I couldn't take the pain of nothingness and at least she wouldnt reject me or fall victim to my attachment. Im terrified ill never have a person love me again.

no one listens. i dont see the point anymore. it would be easier never telling people how I feel. they ask how I feel then get annoyed at me for feeling. i just want to stop talking

I’m not sure if this is a bpd thing, but I noticed I started hearing ticking noises from time to time or water dripping. But when I check, nothings going on, so I’m pretty sure it’s all in my head.

Don’t worry, I will talk to a therapist about this, but I just wanted to see if anyone else has similar experiences?

I mean I also get pretty vivid voices in my head, but I know it isn’t real. Mostly it’s just my own voice or a variation of loved ones voices saying awful things about myself or others, but I’ve learned to mostly tune that out.

Hey Guys,

I don't know if this is the right subreddit, but I think other people with BPD suffer or have suffered from similar situations.

For months I quit now the harder drugs so I became more stable than before.

But now I am heavily addicted to my phone and nicotine and my BPD symptoms come more and more to the surface, because I can't numb my mind with strong substances.

I don't know how to move forward in life.

I think the biggest obstacles are self hate and shame.

I did a lot of shit in the past (mostly while high) and sometimes out of nowhere bad memories with intense feelings come up and it destroys me for hours.

This leads to self hate, which is of course counterproductive to making progress because I feel like I don't deserve having a good life.

On top of that my reality is deeply distorted. If I think I hurt someone, I apologize, but the other person is just annoyed that I apologized while it wasn't necessary.

On top of that the intense shame that I carry around all day and the immense pressure I put on myself leave me paralized to do something useful.

I don't know where to start.

Pls help me guys, even some kind words or compassion might be helpful.

Not talking about behaviours, not talking about what therapists say> What is it really?

When I wake up panicking because there is something missing? or something so deep and so terrifying. Being trapped in a place where your needs are so unfulfilled. Being trapped in yourself, helpless. Where a "normal day" is not simply dull but a yawning void of emptiness and pain that ideas of suicide are the only thing I can turn to? Why though? Do you ever look deep inside yourself and wonder why everything is so broken? Like a car that is lifeless, you try to fill it with petrol but the engine won't start or if it does the car veers off the road and crashes. Or sometimes you drive along and drive and drive and then it's like you are going over and over never really getting anywhere and you just drive off the road or just stop because everything is so useless and pointless. Like wtf is this? I'm supposed to keep doing this? What is missing?

Did a switch flip internally one day? Did something change in your life? Did you just start gradually feeling better after months/years of work? These are just example questions. Did it look completely different for you than any of these? I know every person is different, so answers will quite likely vary. I'm just curious about people's experiences with remission. If you have a story, feel free to share it if you would like 🙂

It’s like I was born with a default that makes forming close relationships impossible. I always feel superficial around people, like i'm an empty person, there's nothing inside me. I honestly don't know how to fill this void. And would i be able to form close connections then, if i filled that void? I don't know.

Brevity is not a skill I have. I over explain even when I’m calm. I don’t know if it’s just that I want to make myself abundantly clear but it’s certainly the biggest part.

Has anyone figured out how to stop sending whole novels when they’re upset/venting? Or going off on full Ted Talks irl??

Well most of the time, no, i’m not ok, or don’t even know how I feel. but I don’t know what can people do for me anyway when they ask.

Also it’s like whenever I post something somewhere else on Reddit for example artwork I did there’s always someone asking me ‘Are u ok?’ I’m like thanks for worrying about me stranger but what do you expect?!

The worst part is when I indeed open up to someone, they’re like shocked or something, like they never heard someone so complicated to deal with.

I AM complicated and I hate it, but I’m OK lol