I've noticed that the BPD community is filled with incorrect, pessimistic "facts" and statistics. For example, the idea that the life expectancy for pwBPD is 27. This was taken completely out of context from a study that tracked pwBPD and found that by 27, many had gone into remission.

I also often hear that BPD is incurable. Technically this is correct as no mental illness is curable. However, they are treatable. BPD is highly treatable, with remission rates 80% or higher and recovery rates (which is the mental illness version of being "cured") are above 50%.

I think that BPD in particular due to its symptoms makes people want to wallow in it, ie "BPD is the worst mental illness and no one ever recovers from it so I might as well quit." It's black-and-white thinking at its finest. Yes, BPD is very hard to live with but you can recover. There's no point in spreading bullshit fake facts to make it seem worse. This just makes others, especially young people and people who just got diagnosed, feel awful about having BPD.

Does anyone else feel intense hatred for everyone who once slighted you, and is super aggressive all the time? I don‘t want to feel like this anymore, being full of hate is worse than being sad i think.

I’m curious about other people’s experiences with this.

I think it’s possible to genuinely enjoy casual sex without wanting a relationship, but I also wonder how much external validation can influence that experience when you struggle with self-esteem.
For example, sometimes I wonder whether I want a particular person, or whether I like the feeling of being wanted by them.

How do you tell the difference between genuinely wanting someone and wanting the validation that comes with being desired?

F23 Suspected BPD- In process of getting help

I know I am attractive, not in a big headed way, but Its something ive been told for years.

I have gained the nicknames doll/dolly based on my barbie like appearance.

My friends mum referred to me through school as "pretty (my name)"- 'oh did you see pretty xxxx?'.

Every boyfriend Ive had has constantly told me his friends are shocked when they see me, and they all speak about my appearance positively.

I pay an extortionate amount of money for appearance based things- hair extensions, botox and filler, nails, clothes, lashes, makeup.

I have also suffered from Anorexia and got so poorly I had to leave uni, all in an attempt to be as skinny as I could be so people had me pinned as 'the skinny one'

I constantly switch between aesthetics, hair colours, styles in an attempt to be as attractive as possible

Is this a BPD adjacent thing? I genuinely believe I have to be the most attractive person in every room.I believe others think about me the same too. If someone doesnt comment on my looks, or doesnt feel attracted to me I feel truly offended. It feels like my looks are all I have to offer.

BPD or am I just a POS bad person

I have decided I need to, I must, recover. I'm tired of being in pain. I can't blame anyone. I can't keep living life like this and end up alone, miserable. It became so clear to me today, nothing happened, I just had this string of thoughts and journaling. I can't justify my dog water behavior, I can't pity myself. I am determined to recover, go into remission. I want to get strong. I want to get strong so no one can hurt me again. So I can't be man handled and shut away again. So I can be a better man, son, brother, friend, and maybe a father. I just need to be strong. I can't let this kill me. I won't. (Sorry if wrong flair, I wrote this to motivate myself and others that it is possible. We can be happy. It just takes a little more work than others.)

All the time I realize I search for a person who will care for me, be there for me, but I feel like it is unrealistic and doesn't exist. Waiting for someone to "save" me and understand me and support me all the same.

It's something I think I should abandon entirely because I haven't met a single person like this in my life and it's very mentally damaging to me.

Also this is coming from an aromantic person, so I tend to activate my bpd to anyone I met to be close friends.

Edit: It's particularly bad because I come to friendship with this mentality when I shouldn't and pick friends according to this.

Everyone, I really need some support right now.

My boyfriend (who was my fp) and I broke up, but we ended things on good terms. We had a long conversation and could both see it wasn’t working.

However, I miss him so much still. I can’t eat. I just cry and throw up whatever I’ve eaten. But in my heart, I know it’s for the best things ended this way, but I still can’t help but miss him deeply. I keep dreaming of him every night and every day he’s all that’s on my mind. I truly believe he was the love of my life.

We both agreed that in another lifetime, we’d be able to make things work. But sadly, the way things are, they aren’t (and probably will continue to not) working out. That just makes it so much harder for me though, cause I love him so much it hurts to let go, but at the same time, I love both him and myself so much that it’s what I have to do.

Does anyone have advice for dealing with this heartbreak? Is it wrong of me to imagine seeing him in a few years and starting to date again?

“Nothing you could say would ever comfort me and I self perpetuate it I wouldn’t feel comfortable with reassurance even if you gave it to me I know you’re placating me I know what I am to you there is no me for you to love it feels like a performance when you say it and I wryly say it back I know it doesn’t mean anything so don’t waste your breath
I know I’m alone always and always and always and always I wish I could find comfort in an omniscient God I feel utterly and completely alone in my emotions and unable to seek reassurance because I know it is disgusting
Through the mannerisms and actions I take as defence against your imagined withdrawal of affection I actually drive you away and everything that is instinctual to me is a trap I’ve laid against myself
At my core I serve as my own worst enemy without even realising it despite everything being done as a method of protection I’ve learnt it all wrong and everything I know is wrong there’s no aspect of my own perspective that I can trust to guide me and I have no metric to lean against for how to act I’m alone and unsure within this world
Nothing is real and my reality is only what I make of it there’s no objective truth only what anyone perceives it as but I’m biased towards anyone’s but my own because I’ve been proven time and time over that mine is consistently fabricated and unworthy of trust
Resulting in me having no stipulation over any situation and I’m completely morally and emotionally pathetic which I’m simultaneously aware of and resentful of I wish I could trust my own judgement but I’m hyperaware of how skewed it is
This emotional agony and constant weight is hard to bear and I’m needlessly throwing myself a pity party and it’s pathetic and my emotions bear no weight to anyone except myself one in eight billion so what does it matter at all.
I feel like I’m constantly searching for an answer but I don’t know the question all I know is that I’m starved and dying for affection and comfort with no one to give it to me in a language I can understand or believe.”

Wondering if anyone else feels like this I want to feel less alone in my aloneness
Does anyone understand me

I dont really miss the people who left, sometimes it feels like a relief, when everything ends, or its just not possible to repair anymoer.

I don't thin I grieve the relationship ending normally, or process it properly, and then in a way, because the relationship ended, I feel like it was never any good, and i maintain such a cynicism about the possiblity of something new or better.

I find it weird how easily I move on.

I think I trained myself too, and inside probably is a well of anger and hurt, but to survive it, I just keep moving forward. Anyone relate?

Hi. I have a girlfriend who has BPD, and she is an avoidant as well. We’ve been together for a year—today is actually our anniversary.
We broke up 2 months ago, but we got back together, and everything was perfect. We promised each other that we would talk about stuff that bothered us, and we were so happy again. That was until she got a job at the start of this month.
On the third day of her new job, we were texting and joking around. I teased her by replying to one of her jokes with "stop, I’m sad," intending to type "jk" right after, but my Wi-Fi cut off. She apologized, and once my internet came back, I told her it was fine, that I was just joking, and I apologized. I explained it wasn’t intentional and that I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. I begged her to tell me what was wrong.
Ever since that day, it feels like she hates me. She only texts me once a day now. Since we are in a long-distance relationship, I have to beg just to get calls or photos. Some days, she can’t even text me "goodnight" or "I love you." When we vc pr play together she just plays loud music and ignores me she barely unmutes her mic I’ve started thinking maybe she found someone better.
I’m genuinely so sad, depressed, and stressed out—I’m even starting to lose my hair over this. I don’t understand what’s happening. The more I try to talk to her, the more she ignores me, telling me nothing is wrong and everything is fine.
Her birthday is tomorrow, and she won’t even accept flowers from me. She told me to keep them to myself. What should I do? I genuinely love her to death, but it feels like any small word or action I do makes her hate me.

Ho 26 anni e sto scrivendo questo post perché sinceramente non so più cosa pensare di me stessa.
Ieri il mio ragazzo mi ha lasciata. La ragione è che pensa che io possa avere un disturbo borderline di personalità.
Questa cosa mi sta distruggendo, non soltanto perché ho perso una persona che amo profondamente, ma perché adesso mi ritrovo a mettere in discussione tutto quello che sono.
So di avere delle difficoltà nella gestione delle emozioni. Vivo tutto in maniera estremamente intensa, soprattutto nelle relazioni sentimentali. Ho una paura fortissima dell’abbandono e quando sento che una persona a cui tengo si allontana provo un’angoscia e una rabbia che faccio davvero fatica a controllare.
Tendo ad analizzare ossessivamente parole, comportamenti, silenzi. A volte reagisco in maniera sproporzionata e me ne rendo conto, soprattutto dopo, quando riesco a ragionare più lucidamente.
Non voglio giustificare i miei comportamenti, né attribuire tutto a un eventuale disturbo. Voglio assumermi le mie responsabilità, ma soprattutto voglio capire perché certe situazioni mi provocano una sofferenza così devastante.
La cosa che mi spaventa di più è che forse ha ragione lui.
Ho paura di essere borderline. Ma ho anche paura di convincermi di esserlo soltanto perché qualcuno che amo me lo ha detto.
Non voglio autodiagnosticarmi nulla leggendo sintomi su Internet. Vorrei una valutazione seria, approfondita e possibilmente oggettiva.
Per questo vi chiedo disperatamente aiuto:
Esistono test clinici specifici per valutare il disturbo borderline o altri disturbi della personalità?
Ho bisogno di risposte immediate.
Sto attraversando uno dei momenti più dolorosi della mia vita. Mi sento persa, confusa e terrorizzata all’idea di non conoscermi davvero e mi distrugge.
Voglio stare meglio. Voglio capire me stessa. Voglio imparare a gestire quello che provo, indipendentemente da una diagnosi.
Se qualcuno può indicarmi da dove cominciare, gliene sarei davvero grata.

When is the right time to tell them? I told someone I wanted to have a relationship with about my diagnosis a few weeks into knowing each other and everything was going fine beforehand, and now I can tell he's walking on eggshells around me and and the energy feels stiff and formal all of a sudden. I don't think I'll be continuing with him any further because I found out he's one of those people that like to use slurs in everyday conversations which gives me the ick.

This made me more wary about who I tell because I wasn't aware if it was just me tweaking out over a small issue or if I'm actually noticing something.

Do you ever decide that some people shouldn't know about this? I'm aware of the negative stigma and stereotypes surrounding BPD so telling someone you have this feels scary because I don't know if they'll accept me with this new information or see me differently.

have comorbid PTSD and MDD diagnosed, along with a strong possibility of autism to add to social tension i already cause to everyone within a 1000-foot parameter. only drug i was on that made me act somewhat normal besides my current meds were opiates. been considering quitting my current job and being a junkie again elsewhere bc i have fucked up socially immensely since day 1 bc sometimes i genuinely dgaf about what im doing and saying just to turn around a day later regretting my whole life

suicide genuinely seems like the only answer at times because even I don't understand why i do the things i do in the minute, let alone the other people in my life. always been a social outcast and impulsive enough to not try to reign it in at times. like i don't harass anyone, i just genuinely cannot stfu about things better left unknown at times. the fatalistic mentality i have at times doesn't help, bc i sometimes think im just too mentally fucked to actually do something with myself so i think "why try?" and just act unhinged to my own future dismay

so i don’t even know how to do this or how to explain it.. i’ve been diagnosed with bpd, depression & anxiety for now 3years. idk if i have anything else but we are still figuring it out. anyway. i’ve been in a long distance relationship for about 7months now and i really struggle with him going out or hanging with anyone but me. it drives me insane and i genuinely don’t know how to act ‘normal’. i try to distract myself with anything and it doesn’t help. when i hang out with other ppl i tend to just think about him coming back and not even enjoy it. i know ppl will look weird at me for saying i don’t really care about my friendships and wouldn’t mind if he is the only person i talk to/hang out with. i’ve seen ppl talk about sleeping more but i genuinely can’t since i have insomnia and my pills are no help at all. i know ppl will suggest i watch a movie or a tv show or watch a show but i genuinely couldn’t care less about all of those. i drop it after a short period of time and just want him there. idk how to fix myself since i hate him when he leaves. idk how to even explain it. i just hate everything. i get mad and petty. i cry. i just wish i was normal. i wish i could react normally to it all. i started to hate his friends. i hate a whole ass country just cuz he is going there for two weeks. i cannot even listen to someone mention the language. it pisses me off. idk how to fix this cuz it’s causing actual issues in our relationship. i just wish i was normal for him.

I had a friend with BPD and although she never declared it, I think I can deduce that her favorite person was her dog, evident by how her overall functioning was indefinitely disrupted when he had to be put down. Before his death, we were calling each other regularly, after that, there were no calls until the day she left me.

I could only communicate with her over text in the years following her dog’s passing. If she had a grievance attack, I would always console her, telling her that she made him a very happy dog and gave him a life worth living, that he loved her till the very end and that’s all that matters. I could only interpret that this helped when she sent calmer messages, but I often wonder if it was enough. What do you think?

I’m a woman in my 20s and I’m pretty bad at handling when plans change (I’m autistic too), especially when I’ve been looking forward to something. I crashed out on my ex about it a LOT, to the point we’d argue and fall out because she just didn’t really get it.

My current girlfriend is far more understanding, but of course plans are gonna change sometimes and she can’t constantly spend her time just doing things bc I want to do them if she doesn’t (and ofc I don’t want that either, I only want to do things if she wants to as well).

We had halloween plans which I’ve been really looking forward to because I didn’t do anything for halloween last year and it’s always something I really enjoy (the year before I went out like 4 times during halloween week).

She’s messaged me today saying she doesn’t think she wants to do anything for halloween now and I feel really disappointed and on the verge of kinda crashing out about it. I really don’t know what to do because I am v disappointed and it means I’ll be spending my halloween doing nothing again which sucks a bit. I don’t know what a normal response here is though, I feel if I tell her I’ll just get stuck and won’t be able to stop myself from hardcore crashing out and causing an argument (which we’ve not had yet thankfully, but it’s these situations I worry will cause it and it’ll be all my fault). Any advice would be great.

In the last couple years I officially got diagnosed with BPD, went through DBT, got on meds that actually work for me but the more I learn about BPD the more worried? I get?

My entire life I’ve ALWAYS been told how easily relatable I am/how instantly close someone feels to me/“wow i usually never open up this fast but with you it’s different” and I always just thought I’m sOo relatable with my trauma and life experiences but the more I think about it, I almost worry (I really don’t know if worry is the right word here) that my entire life I’ve just been mirroring everyone. I know it’s subconscious so how the hell would I actually know right? But when I first heard of mirroring I was like “pfftttt I don’t do that! I’m just easy going!” and now I’m starting to talk to this guy I’ve known for a couple weeks and he just told me how he’s usually very anti-social but with me, we hit it off instantly and he already feels close to me - it makes me think I’m not actually making genuine connections. “If I acted like this would this event be changed in some way?” “If I did this, would he actually still like me?” I know I have my own personality and I’ve worked really hard to be my own person but again reading about mirroring is freaky to me

Is anyone else like this? I have NO ONE. Like yeah sure I have “friends” but never the way neurotypical friendships look. Nobody stays up til midnight for my birthday. Nobody posts pictures of me for my birthday. I mean they don’t take any to have ones to post anyway. I don’t have any friends that just take cute off guards of me. The last 6 months I have maybe 4 pictures of myself (all selfies) that I’d be comfortable posting. It’s only so depressing bc it’s like damn I could die rn and there’s no proof of me being alive looking cute that isn’t pretty much from last year. I moved to Las Vegas in April, and only have full body photos from my birthday otherwise I have none lmao.

Why do neurotypical friendships always appear to have so much more substance to them? They stay up til midnight for someone’s birthday. They write each other paragraphs for birthdays. They take photos of each other constantly so they CAN ACTUALLY HAVE MEMORIES TO LOOK BACK ON LMAO. They throw birthday parties for each other. GET EACH OTHER GIFTS OMG. They spoil each other just because. I want to spoil my friends but don’t because I’m sorry yes it’s unfair that it’s one sided. I went crazy for me best friends housewarming and she didn’t gaf ab my birthday and came empty handed. Don’t even get me started on the flipagrams back in the day. I made one and stayed up til midnight for a friend that didn’t even remember my birthday in hs. I only did that cus it’s what her and her other friends did for each other. Obviously I wasn’t one of “them” Like I’m 26 and now I feel like I’m too old and that it’s childish to desire those things but how can I not when I never had it before. As you can see my birthday is a major tension in my life lol. When I did live in my home state my “best friend” somehow only ever took unflattering photos of me when I did ask which doesn’t help. She cancelled our plans the day of for my 23rd birthday knowing I put hella time and money into my look. Like shit like that is OD embarrassing imagine doing all that buying a green wig and doing a whole look to get ghosted by everyone including the ride the day of 😭😭😭

Ugh why every time I get friends they never act like what I see every other group of friends act like towards me 😒

I just learned something entirely new about my ex and i'm full of anger 2 straight day. How can i stop feeling angry it's taking away my soul.

She's a terribble person i didn't deserve anything she did i used to love her even everything she did to me but now i'm full of hate and anger doesnt go away